THE ALLIANCE HERALD. TUESDAY MAY D. 1922
THREE"
Bell Polisher A young man ad- j always turns up where liquor is to le
dieted to lingering in the vestibule at ' had without cost.
1 a- m I Duck's Quack That's the he ;t 11 ing
Boffos Dollars, otherwise known rs i ever, same meaning as cat's p.ijmin.
not work, sleeps all day and jrets up r.t
1 P m.
Finagler A young man who stalls
until fome one pays the cheek.
Flat Shoe Fight lctwecii girl rnd
her escort.
Given the Air When a girl or fel
low is throw down on a date.
G rummy In the dumps, shades of
blue.
Gobby One who has no style, i.o
brains, no nothing.
Houdini To le on time for n date.
Heavy Neckcr A girl fond of pet
ting.
Holy Smokes Probation officer whfc
visits dance halls.
Lnlapnzza All around good sport.
Mad Money Flapper's carfare homa
in case of fight with her goof.
Sheik A girl's sweetie.
iocks, chips, seeds, berries and iaik.
Dumblell Dumb, but happy.
Says the Pop-Eye! Kill: "A Pow
Barlow A girl, a flapper, a chi ken.
Cellar-Smeller A young man who
I .egged Ciirl Is Healthy, Although
Dumbdora Stupid girl.
Dew Dropper Young man who dees
cnes in awiui Had Niape.
. After waiting nnvioiisli- for nonrlv
ii week, the ottice devil was rewarded
l"j a irlimnse of a r:iir of tho pv-
mm
tremely openwork socks, the same
ueing worn Dy a youtniul trail.
RANDOM SHOTS 1
w -
mat pleasure lies chiefly m an
iicipntion la now demonstrated. They
look better on the model in the win
low, he tells us.
Which teaches us that not all who
essay to flap achieve rlappenlom.
A man about town, who is on to the
ropes pretty well, said that at the
track meet Friday he saw -'nine'liing
which should have been perpetu ile
iy a snapshot. Eleven bouLk-gger.
vere sitting on the same plank.
We learn with resrret that the iro
tluction of calcareous man m the
L'r.i'ed States in 1!21 deeie-.-ed fu;i
4 ) per cent. Nebraska didn't do
tl.'ng to avert this catastiojlie.
THE TOONERVILLE TAGEANT.
(Hamilton County Register.)
AVe make no attempt to kid you, the
veather was cold for an outdoor even
ing performance. The audience had
more than a touch of realism, and
lame Nature co-operated to give them
an idea of how the pilgrims felt when
they landed on the stern and rock-
f Inmnd coasts, anil allow them to feel
veil as see great privauon result-
from the poverty of the pioneers
thousand copies oi the scenano
vere printed and these greatly as
sisted the audience in getting signi
ficance of the pageant's imagery, ihe
grounds were well lighted by elec
tricity, and the having of a skilled
man on the ground enabled them to
iuickly repair . damages when the
Mayflower in making harbor, sailed
into their electric light ionenction and
added darkness to their depression.
Led by the spirit of the church,
whom we should have thought would
be willing to swap her beautiful cos
tume for a fur overcoat and throw in
the bright crown, they arrived on the
Meak, inhospitable shores of the new
world and soon their sturdy voices
united in praise and song.
A candidate tor governor ent us
his platform. It reads pret,y well
and we had fully intended to make fa
vorable comment, but we couldn't read
the signature.
TODAY'S BEST STOUV.
Time was when certain editors mt.de
it a rule never to retract -iny state
ments made in their papers. If thev
had stated that horse was sixteen fiet
instead of sixteen hands high, why
sixteen feet high he was, so far as the
Lvening Screech was concerned.
The issue wa3 tested when an irate
citizen who had been ill but ex
perienced a sudden change for the bet
ter, dropped in and confronted the edi
tor. "Look here, he howled, "You printed
this morning that I was dead. Weil,
I m a long way from dead ami it a up
to you to print a correction."
"I'm sorry," said the editor mildly,
4,but we never do such things."
"You don't hey? Well you will tni?
time or 1 11 horsewhip you within an
inch of your life."
"Don't do that," said the editor
hastily. "We can't make a correction
but we'll fix it up. Wait for tomor
row's paper. It'll be O. K."
Next morning, under "Births," the
theet announced:
"Born: To the late Silas B. and Jane
Appleby, a son, Jonas, forty-seven
years old, and one of our most popular
grocers."
No wonder the country is going to
the dogs. The output of grindstones
in the last year decreased over HO er
cent in volume, and those that were
put out were not up to the ijua'ity of
former years.
Statistics are interesting things. If
it weren't for a herd of government
experts, we would never know that the
general business degression of 1921 is
illustrated in the decline of iK uro
tluction of phosphate rock.
By the way, wouldn't phosphate lock
be pretty good material for some
tombstones?
Cheering thought for today: "If
wives only knew what stenographers
think of their husbands they would
cea.-e to worry."
When the price of the out-ef-town
printer appeals to you as "remarkably
low," remember that the home town
printer pays the freight.
A mail-order wit furnishes us three
columns of merrie iuips, nnd out of
the whole mess this is '.he o'dy one
that has even the makings of a lavgh:
"I.em Spivens says that tt 'ea.-t in
the making of card cider he believes
in the freedom of the press."
OFFICER. DO YOUR DUTY.
There ought to be some way for us
unfortunate mortals to get ever with
men who write letters to the home
town paper that read like this one, in
the Columbus Telegram:
"The steamer Canopic, started yes
terday morning and as soon as it
reached the three-mile line frni shore
the doors of the saloon were thrown
open. What a right! We could have
anything we wanted whisky, wine or
beer. Naturally 1 had to sample some
of the latter and drink to the health
of my friends back home. The Can
opic ' is a wonderful steamer, very
comfortable, with furnishings as good
as any of the finest hotels. The peo
ple alward are very pleasant. Give
all my friends my lest regards and
tell them I wi.-h them happy days un
til we meet again."
FLAPPER ANTO.
Recent additions to the language of
flapperdom, as collected by the Kan
sas City Star and the New York News:
Ankle Excursion When you have
to walk home:
v .
if
Ill y&Iltaf IffilWd&F
.A
TV
Mil
w j .
The women know where
lo come for ready-to-wear
values. Head our
spring sale offer.
mm
The Fashion Shop's Spring
"IIP
Offers Sweeping Reductions On Every Line in the Store
Come Prepared to Get Genuine Bargains at
LEAN
SALE
and
A
OFF
This Sale Opens
Wednesday, May 10
Bright and early Wednesday
morning our doors will be
thrown open to 10 days of won
derful value-giving bargains.
THINK OF IT!
Every item in our big store
will be offered at these substan
tial reductions. Here's the
chance to complete your ward
robe. It's worth traveling more
than a hundred miles to get the
values to be shown in every line
of merchandise carried by the
Fashion Shop.
This Sale Lasts
10 Days Only
Make sure you come one of
the ten days while the Spring
Clean-Up Sale is on. You can
not duplicate these values in
this trade territory.
COME HERE EARLY!
Early in the sale; early in the
day. Both offer better oppor
tunity to get the best in bar
gains. It's more comfortable
and satisfactory.
Remember this sale offers
no garment that does not come
up to Fashion Shop Quality and
Style. That itself is a guarantee.
REMEMBER-Sale Starts on May 10-Lasts 10 Days
Our Entire Line Included
Ladies' Coats, Suits, Dresses, Millinery, Hosiery, Lingerie, Corsets,
Underwear, Sweaters, Separate Skirts, Blouses, etc.
We also have some attractive garments for the little kiddies
priced so you will want to buy.
O ... -I-' ' '
NO EXCHANGES
NO REFUNDS
NO APPROVALS
Every Sale Is Final.
THE
FASHION - SH
OP
NO EXCHANGES
NO REFUNDS
NO APPROVALS
Every Sale Is Final.
t
- , i