THE ALLIANCE II Eli A LI), T UEsESYT tMltTAEYTnr
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RANDOM SHOTS
AVe move to strike out from the
leather record all reference to the
frroundhog and his shadow. An Harry
tiantz would say, it's Incompetent, ir
relevant and immaterial, and not
shown that it took place in the pres
ence of this defendant.
Dad writes: A physician warns that
it is very dangerous to throw off the
covers and spring suddenly out of bed
in the morning. It has been some
years since we have been in any peril
from that source.
DO YOU KNOWTHIS MAN?
A storekeeper noted for his laziness
was sitting reading one day when a
would-be customer entered.
"I want a pair of shoe laces" she
said.
"I am very sorrv. madam, said the
indolent man, "but would you mind
coming in again when I am standing
up?"
i Or thisTwoman?
They were returning from a club
meeting and were discussing the so
cial hour that had followed the busi
ness session, when one of the ladies
remarked: "That Mrs. Bumptious is
positively the most ill bred person I
ever saw, she actually yawned three
limes while I was talking to her."
"Perhaps she wasn't yawning," sug
gested the other lady. "Maybe she was
only trying to say something."
In most instances the handwriting
on the wall is indecent,- observes the
Riff Raff editor of the Scottsbluff
News. That lad has been around, ap
parently. YOU TELL 'EM, DOC.
The preacher was out on the links
and thought a small moral lesson
might not be amiss.
"I notice," he remarked mildly, "that
the players who get the lowest scores
are not thoe who swear."
"Why the hell should they?" snorted
the gloomy golfer as he dug up an
other slice of turf.
Old Man Weeks refers to a popular
make of car as a "worry wagon."
Thi3 is nothing les3 than a miraculous
deduction, for he never saw ours m
liis life. '
TODAY'S BEST STORY.
Two colored men were fighting and
an officer arrested both of them. In
4eing arraigned before the judge the
next morning the fellow who had the
vorst of the battle was told he was
charged with fighting. He said, "Judge,
I wasn't fighting. Dat nigger knocked
me down, kicked me, stamped on me
mrl iKt hnnt mp un pverv wav. He
didn't let me up, jest kept beatin me.
Say judge, I never got so tired of a
man in all my life.
A Bridgeport girl advertises in a
Denver daily that she would like to
correspond with some nice young man,
vith matrimony as an object. Some
of the Lotharios in that town are miss
ing a bet.
YESTERDAY'S BEST STORY.
' An elderly man was1 persuaded by
one of his sons to go with him to a
boxing exhibition.
The son paid for two $2 seats.
"Now, dad," said the son joyfully,
vnn'11 ba more excitement for your
$2 than you've ever seen in your life
before." . ' I
The old man grunted. I
t... ln,,Kta oKtuf Vint h
$aid gloomily. "Two dollars was all 1 1
paid for my marriage license.
The boys say, "If you will give Uf
three dollars a day
We will stay, as it beats making hay
on a rainy day.
Or sorting potatoes every day."
Alliance had better get an X-ray.
And next election day, the boys say,
All off, you officers will go on the
farm to stay
Till the next election day
Which Is very, very far away.
So take my advice and throw the jail
keys away.
But it might be possible to stay
If you officers would get down on
your knees and pray
That you might be elected again next
election day,
As we are making hooch night and
day.
If you will only stay awav
Till the first of May, we will be 0. K.
We will be in Alliance every other
day
To sell our booch and get our pay.
We can't say how long we will stay,
So plea?e keep the booze hounds
away.
Till next New Years Day.
Now if you dont like our booze just
stay away
And we will be millionaires by New
Years Day.
And so when you read this, hang it up
on a na.il.
If you don't like our wine,
We don't pay our fine,
So we will lay it out in jail
And cat out of your dinner pail.
You can bring us our mail ?o we
won't get stale
While we are in the county jail.
Married men may have better halves
but it's equally true, according to Ed
Reardon, that single men have better
quarters.
LEGAL NOTICE
In the County Court of Box Butte
County, Nebraska:
In the Matter of the Estate of JOSE
SANCHEZ, Deceased:
NOTICE OF HEARING ON FINAL
RETORT AND PETITION FOR DIS
TRIBUTION: Notice is hereby given to all per
sons interested in the estate of Jos
Sanchez, deceased, that Glen Miller,
administrator of said estate, has filed
in said court, his final account and
petition for distribution of the resi
due of said estate and that a hearing
has been ordered on said account and
petition before said court on the 11th
day of. February, A. D.., 1922, when
all persons interested therein may ap
pear and contest the same.
It is further ordered that the said
administrator give notice of the time
and place fixed for said hearing by
publication of this order for three suc
cessive weeks prior to said date of
hearing, in the Alliance Herald, a
legal newspaper printed, published
and of general circulation in Box
Butte County, Nebraska.
Dated this 18th day of January, A.
D., 1922.
IRA E. TASH,
(SEAL) County Judge.
LEE BASYE,
Attorney. Jan24-Febl0
Herald Want Ada are read.
NOTICE OF CHATTEL MORTGAGE
SALE.
Notice is hereby given that by vir
tue of a chattel mortgage dated Aug
ust 8, 1921 and duly filed in the office
of the County Clerk of Box Butte
County, Nebraska on August 17, 1921
and executed by C. C. Whitnack and
K. E. Bessey to A. H. Jones Company,
a corporation, to secure the payment
of $325.00 with interest at ten per
cent per annum upon which there is
now due the sum of $236.90, default
having been made in the payment of
said sum and no suit or other proceed
ing at law having been instituted to
recover said debt or any part thereof,
we will sell the property therein de
scribed, to-wit: one Ford Touring Car
No. 3,209,347 with winter top at pub
lic auction at the northwest coiner cf
the intersection of Third Street and
Cheyenne Avenue in the city of Alli
ance, Box Butte County, Nebraska, on
March 1, 1922 at 2 o'clock p. in.
Dated February 7, 1922.
A. H JONES COMPANY,
A Corporation, Mortgairoc.
BOYD. METZ & MEYER, Attorneys.
Feb.7-Feb.28-Inc.
NOTICE We are selling Rolly'g1 Everybody who tries Tanlae h
Washday Wonder. We will deliver, something good to aay about it P. 13
Phone 661-W. Fortncr Bros. 18-tf Holsten. JJ
Wanted 100-lb. stock
Guard your stomach. It Is the foun-1
dation of health or disease. The
world's most famous stomach medicine run a n'Rinnnn JPr Motto
is Tanlac F. E. Holsten. 21 P13 U iiannOIl C INCUS
Use Herald Want Ads for Results. WangCT. 18t
Wanted 100-lb. stock
pigs. O'Bannon & Ncus
wanger. 18t
A seed planted in fertile soil, if not deteriorated, will grr.
Nature always does that much for us. But if you want products wor
thy of your toil, there is much to know just how to plant, when,
where and what. Send for our 1922 Year Book it's just full of
descriptive information and costs you nothing. Send for it today.
THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SEED CO.
DENVER, COLORADO.
TIIIELE, PRESCRIPTION DRUGGIST
Herald Tant Ads Results.
CHURCHES
CHURCH OF CHRIST.
The services on Sunday were well
attended and it was a great day which
we spent together in worship and
praise and edification. Judge Tash's
address to the minister's class of In
termediate boys was well received as
was his address to the entire school.
This will be a regular feature for some
time to come to have someone address
this class at least once a month. Forty
boys were present to help make the
245 who were in the entire Bible
school. Some time we will put on a real
Rally Day and see how many we can
accommodate in the Bible school.
It is not often that we sidetrack
the mid-week prayer meeting for other
meetings, but this week on Wednesday
evening at 7:30 a "Get-together So
cial" is planned for parents and friends
to get acquainted. You are invited to
be present and have a good time. We
are hoping for good weather so that
many can eome and enjoy the good
time. Fthers, mothers, older brothers
and sisters we shall be happy to greet
you at the church on Wednesday even
ing. S. J. EPLER, Minister.
This is til aire of condensation in
news. The prize goes to the Fort Col-
lins, ColCourier, which in very few.
wards has conveyed the whole idea: I
Sheriff Morse mado '
a business trip to Canon City Satur
day. The sheriff returned.'
OLE BUCK SAYS:
If you feel flattered when you are
appointed on a committee you are still
young.
I am willing to accept, turkeys on
subscription; also elephants and gaso
line and sliced plug smoking tobacco.
This is no time for dignity.
A doctor offered to cure all my ail
ments for $500, but an undertaker un
derbid him, so the family wants him
to have the jod.
Ole is the man who proposed, in
lieu of a gasoline tax, a tax on cuss
words. Think of a newspaper man
who wants the members of his profes
sion to pay all the spate's running
expenses.
The editor of a certain newspaper
men's magazine is cogitating in his
spare time over such important ques
tions as this: "Take the dot on the i,
for instance. Why was it put there,
and when, and by whom?" After he
finds out the whole truth he can
tackle that age-old puzzler: Who killed
Cock Robin?
The Random Shots editor hereby
humbly makes the amende honorable
to Leo Uoyd and Gatenby, whom we
are quite ready to crown with the
laurel and proclaim passable poets.
There was a time when we thought
they were so rotten that comparison
was out of the question. Our convic
tions on this point were a trifle shaken
when Doc Peet entered the lists, for
Doc is worse than either of 'em. And
now, unless Doc has removed to Hem
ingford, there is a new entrant for the
consolation prize. The Hemingford
Ledger published it, under the heading,
"A New Year's Surprise,' and that is as
good a name as any. We haven't the
heart to give it complete, but the fol
lowing samples, taken at random show
how much damage was inflicted on the
Ledger's readers. Close your eyes
and read:
"The booze hounds have come to stay.
The sheriff comes up New Years Day
And takes the Hemingford boys
away
Because they were making booze
every day-
METHODIST CHURCH.
A crowded house enjoyed the musi
cal program by the large chorus choir
Sunday night. The loose collection
amounted to nearly $15, which will be
used to start a song book fund.
Judge Paine addressed the Sunday
school for a few moments Sunday
morning. No speaker who has ever
visited our school in recent years has
been more enthusiastically received,
nor better appreciated. We cons'der
Judge Paine a really great speaker.
Wednesday afternoon the Woman's
home missionary society will meet
with Mrs. R. M.' Hampton.
Thursday evening the choir meets
with Mrs. Dunning.
Next Sunday night the pastor will
begin a series of carefully prepared
sermons on the subject of "The
Dance. lhe first of these will be
"Why the Dance is Wrong." We espe
cially invite all young people and par
ents of children or young people to at
tend thi3 series of sermons. We be
lieve the dance to be responsible for
the corruption of our modem social
life more than any other influence, and
in these Sunday night sermons, will
prove our contention.
M. C. SMITH, Pastor.
" BAPTIST CHURCH.
Sunday was in several respects a
red letter day. The highest attendance
at Bible school, and two large
audiences at the main services, with
the evening filling the building, when
the fire boys came out in a body. They
seem to appreciate the music and
songs. The orchestra accompanying all
the songs is a great improvement, and
folks were not slow about expressing
their joy.
Each family who can is asked to
donate a primary chair to the little
tots, they cost a little over $1.50, but
one dollar and a half will donate them
one chair. Come prepared to buy them
a chair.' We have three dozen chairs,
and nearly every one of the new ones
was filled last Sunday. Each class is
asked to buy one chair. Two classes
may go together and buy one. In this
way we hope to pay for eighteen of
them and the others to be paid out of
the Sunday school treasury.
The regular business meeting of the
church will be held Wednesday even
ing preceding prayer meeting. Let a
good attendance be there. The pastor's
femily has made a present to the
church of the orchestrations of the
Hymnal which the orchestra is using.
A special life service sermon is in
preparation and perhaps will be deliv
ered next Sunday morning. A special
Lincoln birthday lecture will be deliv
ered Sunday evening with patriotic
B4 ngs as special features.
Plans for the spring evangelistic
services are being formed and will
soon be placed before the church for
action.
B. J. MINORT, Pastor.
4
!
You'll Want to Come It's the
El
Re
ks Ywadevi
7 Acts 24 Alliance People
All New Songs, Jokes, 'n' Everything
One Night Only, at
IMPERIAL THEATRE
v ebpary
THE
Priday,
10
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THERE'S ONE SHOW ONLY
Starting at 7:30 p. m.
With a Three-Reel Comedy
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imntnHMmm
GET YOUR TICKETS EARLY
It's For One Night Only
And We Know You Will Like It
Seven Snappy Acts Make a Varied Program
HllllllllllilllllllllllllllllllllllillllllMII
ACT 1
'THE MELODY
MAIDS"..
Featuring; '
Alice Buechsenstein
and
"Flo" Duncan
in the latest popular song
hits.
tiniHinit:iinmimtKitta
ACT 2
'THE BATTLE OF
THE S. O. S."
with
Edwin M. Burr, George
. Belshaw and Gaylord
Chase -
telling how they "fit" in
France,
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ACT 3
"THIS, THAT AND
EVERYTHING"
A new comic skit show
ing
Phillips and Wible
at their best.
ACT 4
"TILLIE
TICKLETOE"
A comedy sketch with a
heart interest.
George Dorr, Raymond
Iewis, Eliott Strand,
Mrs. G. Dorr, Katherine
Buechsenstein, Emma
Barry and Margaret
Carey.
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ACT 5
"A LITTLE BIT
OF HARMONY"
From
II. D. Shellenberger
Harry Johnson
O. B. Adkins
- and
William Maunier
ACT 6
"THE BOWERY
KIDS'
Singing and Dancing by
Dorothy Fricke
and
Bob Gavin
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ACT 7
"GASSOWAY AND
HIS GAL"
in a line of chatter feat
uring Winnie Barry
and
A. II. Harper (in person)
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It Will Be the Vaudeville Hit of the Season
ALL NET PROCEEDS FROM THE PRESENTATION OF THIS VAUDEVILLE
SHOW WILL BE USED FOR LOCAL CHARITY.
Alliance Lodge No. 961, B. P. O. Elks
.ADMISSION: Children, 27c and W. T.; Adults, 50c and W. T.; Balcony, 68c and W. T.
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