THE ALLIANCE HERALD, TUESDAY, JANUARY 17, 1922.
TURKU
, RANDOM SHOTS
The next time anyone suggests that
ome preacher, or any person other
than the editor of this sheet, has writ
ten any article appearing in The
Herald s editorial column, you have
our permission to call him as hard as
you like, or to make any sort of a bet
on the matter that you can get him to
put up. Were willing to guarantee
that the man making the claim will
lose. For while were naturally in
clined to be a trifle indolent, and are
willing to encourage any industrious
scnooier to contribute lor the news
columns or this melange of mirth, we
uraw the only line at the editorial
column. Anything that appears there
in is our own. It may be that others
might do it better, but we never have
given any of them the opportunity, and
uon't have any intention of ever doing
it. If any preacher, shyyl admits
that he wrote or planned any editor
tiate a treaty of peace between Alli
.anU if he'll say it in our presence, the
brother who brings him in may select
tiny box of cigars that Glen Miller has
in stock, and we 11 pay the bill.
Die Buck rushes in where angels
jfear to tread. "Guess I'll have a trip
to the west end of the state and nego
titae a treaty of peace between, Alli
ance, Chadron and Bridgeport edi
tors," he say3.
If Ole will guarantee to make the
fighting parsons of this city sign a
peace treaty, we'll give him a percent
age on the space saved in our news
paper columns.
In the good old days when we used
to read proof on the Journal, beiore
ve ever attained the editorial heights,
we used to look on with ill concealed
.amusement when Doc Bixby used to
aave when the linotypists made hash
of his Daily Drift, A few months
later, when we were running a type
writer, we wondered at his seli-re-straint.
If there was ever an excuse
for murder, it is when the linotypist
buUa things up in his inimitable way.
The worst feature is that here we have
to read proof ourself, and there's no
one to jump on beak end down.
If you want your life spared, don't
so much as snicker when a pair of
those flopping galoshes crosses your
path of vision. Keep your face straight
itnd burst inwardly if you must burst
. i.i all. ... . m
But why shouldn't guffaws go with
.galoshes ?
THERE, THERE". DON'T CRY
Honest, now, we loel sort oi guilty
when we understand, how deeply we
have wounded Leo Lloyd, (Jliauron's
c:M-:litili' nf ilivrp-pvnl. iiiiil his noetical
Lroiher, GalcnOy. W e never thought,
when we pounaeu out u h-w vum
telling what we thought of all home
grown powtry, and their stuff in parti
cular, that they'd take it so to heart.
x rrtl i.itL-f HL-o ! m.'iri wlin Iims
convinced some heartbu.-tel child thut.
her dollie was stufTed with sawdust.
4jur estimate of that sort of poetry (
till stands, but, now that a softer j
ijioou luta come upon us, we wonder j
whether there's any gain in destroying)
the happmess ot e.tner cnnu or
Remorse, as another poet said, is
ourn.
What an avalanche of rhyme we
have brought upon us. The Journal's
column conductor joins in the chorus
this week. If this keeps up, we'll have
to order our poets to the firing line
oi.ee more. And if we do, we'll steel
our great,, big heart and let them con
tinue until the massacre of the in
nocents will havce its modern parallel.
Just read the following, and see where
our heartlessness has landed us:
O, Herald of Alliance, you are
breaking Leo's heart. .You have caus
ed a separation betwixt his. labor and
his art. You have trimmed his sails
completely and are causing him to jib,
sxnd are losing for thi3 paper a valu
able contrib. Don't you feel a trifle
penitent, regretful or morose? Have
n't you a guilty feeling or a pity
lachrymose? Has your manhood fled
entirely and deserted your tall frame?
Have your passions held you chilly at
the mention of his name? If you scorn
his last production, written this week
for "The Galley," we will load our
trusty hootchgun and will meet you
in the alley.
"Now that the proper setting has
been laid," as Doc 1'eet said of the
1 -..Til , 1
barn-yard provider, we win prucwu
with Leo's latest: j
DYING GROANS
In the life of each man there is just
one time.
When he feels poetic and babbles in
rhyme. .
"When hU soul gushes forth in the
tone of his muse . .
Tis this period known as "Poetical
K!ues-" . . ,,1.1
The, Box Butte writers have all had
their spasms
And have taken the leap down "Ob
livion's Chasms;"
They have forded the stream, the dire
river "Styx," . .
And no longer with mortals are privi
leged to mix.
The fate of Gatenby and Leo Lloyd
Are dreams of the past, a great "Ach
ing void."
"Peace be to their souls," "God pity
their bones"
When each to his pet spirit meekly
atones. .
We hope for forgiveness, if wrongly
we've striven.
We're forgiving all poets; may we be
f - - rr i n
No longer we'll dabble in meter or
verse
Since upon heads devoted there set
11w n mr.
The wrath of the roets we simply
despise,
Let the public pass judgment, "Silly
or Wise.
Toetic license, probably. Ed.
favorite limerick of President Wood
tow Wilson, w ho like all the rest of us
lesser mortals, amused himself in
writing and reading them:
"For beauty I am not a star,
There are others more handsome by
far,
But my face, I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the people in front that I jar."
ONE GREAT DAY.
This is now going the rounds:
"In appreciation of the life work of
a well-known editor of our acquain
tance for the community in which he
lived a bunch of citizens recently pre
sented him with a bouquet. On the
same occasion a quartette from a local
church sang a few- sweet 6ongs and a
minister made a rittle talk. After the
minister's talk six husky men carried
the popular editor from the house and
placed him tenderly in a 1922 model
plumed sedan and the whole town
formed in parade behind the editor's
expensive car. After the parade the
crowd returned to their homes serene
in the thought of having provided one
bright day in the life of their local
purveyor of news even if they did wait
until he was dead to do it."
TODAY'S BEST STORY.
An old sergeant wa3 noted for his
ability as a drill-master and was in
variably assigned to the task of break
ing in new recruits. There came to
the company a captain with advanced
ideas, who quickly noted that the ser
geant was as proficient in profanity as
he was in the I.D.R. He took him to
task.
"Sergeant," he said, "I have no com
plaint to make of your ability, but I
want you to realize that you are to
teach these men how to drill and not
how to swear. And I want you to real
ize that explanation is necessary be
fore calling them down for inferior
work. Now I expect to see some im
provement in your methods."
"Very good, sir."
The following day he overheard the
sergeant at instruction.
"Now I want to see you step out
lively, my sons. And keep your eyes
straight to the front, my sons. And
hold your heads up, my sons. You
know the kind of sons 1 mean."
TODAY'S HOOCH STORY.
The man who had struck one of
Ihose rare not-so-very-prohibition par
tics and didn't want to leave it had
made two unsuccessful attempts to
get irto the telephone booth, he
dropped his nickel in.
"H'lla. h'llo, h'llo," he cried. "Say,
gimme Line s Busv. thassa good g'rl.
H'llo, whassat? Line's bu y? Aw
rirht."
He staggered out.
"Lord knows 1 tried to get her any
way, her murmured.
Railway Travel
Is Growing Safer
As Years Go By
Thirty years ago, Mr. Average
American, you took eight annual rail
way journeys, and now you take
twelve. Then you rode 24 miles each
trip and now you go 38 miles. Not
withstanding you ride half as many
more times now, half again farther
each trip and doubtless spend half as
much more time in railway travel, yet
the danger to your life is less than
halfas great as it used to be. If you
have ridden once in the last 33 years,
your chances of being killed were one
in 91,000,000. Or, if you have taken
one trip each year during that period,
you came as near losing your life as
one is near to 2,760,000. One ride
taken last year imposed a hazard on
your life of only one in 5,637,000, and
on your twelve customary journeys,
you were as far from jeopardy as
473,000 is greater than one. Altogether
the railways of the United States car
ried in 1920 about 1,300,000,000 pas
sengers, with one killed for each
group of 5,673,000 carried, while in a
i.otal of 472,000,000 people carried in
1889, the death rate was one in 1,523,
000. The danger to life of railway
travelers in 1920 was therefore less
than one-third of what it was in 1889,
most of the reduction accruing since
1907. To be sure, there have been bad
years, also exceptionally good years,
but the general trend throughout the
whole period has been decidely towards
the increasing safely of the traveling
public.
The foregoing figures are the re
sult of statistics compiled by the Inter
state Commerce Commission.
The Cody brothers were in lown
from northwest of town Sun.lav.
Henry Stoon drove to Holland
Sunday afternoon. He was accompan
ied on the trip by his wife and sister
in-law and Mrs. Baker and two chil
dren, who are visiting here Mt the
present time.
Jack Balleneer was un from his
home near Bingham Sunday and was
a guest at the R. A. Westover home
in East Lakeside.
A number of men and bovs on horse
back took wolf hounds and had a
roundup in the hills Sunday. One coy
ote was capture! so we are tld.
SCOTTSBLUFF TEACHER
KILLED BY AN AUTO
SCOTTSBLUFFMrs. Grace Mont-
ross, a teacher in the Scottsbluff
schools, and daughter of W. W. Quivey
LAKESIDE
A special matinee at 4 o'clock Thurs-
(lay evening, januiry in, wiii oe iii'ici
for all school children in the grades,
at which tine there will le a thief
reel comedy film and "The Toy Shop,"
by Mrs. Dunning's expression class.
Admission 10 cents. In the evening
the complete protrram of pictures, also
part, "The Toy Shop," and part 2. "A
Little Excitement," bv the high school
expression class will he given at the
popular prices, 50c for adults and 2rc
for children. 15
Fine for Possessing
Hooch Practically
Broke Colored Man
L. W. Englis, colored, was arrested
at the Burlington station Thursday
morning, when the officers investigat
ed a suspicious bulge in one of his
pockets, which turned out to have been
caused by a quart of hooch. Englis'
grip contained another quart of the
precious fluid. In police court Thurs
day afternoon, Judge Berry proved
that he had a kind heart. The colored
man was possessed of but $101.07, and
the fine for illegal possession amounts
to an even $100. This sum, with the
costs, was several dollars more than
the prisoner possessed. Judge Berry
was equal to the occasion, and threw
oq a bit for cash, so that when the
colored man left the court room, his
tangible assets amunted to $1.47 and
a railway ticket. He took the next
train out.
All tTlte cigarettes made in the Unit
ed States last year end to end wolud
go around the earth 1,848 times. This
we regard as a matter of tremendous
unimportance.
Mrs. I. D. Whaley and son, Harvey,
went to Alliance Thursday.
Lou Trester and Ray Cameron were
in town after coal last week.
Mrs. Frank Westover came in from
the country last week to send her lit
tle daughter to school here the balance
of the term.
R. C. Brunson and Chris Mosher
were in from the Star ranch Friday.
Edward Jameson was an Ellsworth
visitor Thursday.
Mrs. George Lindley entertained
the ladies' kensintrton club at her
home here last Thursday.
Roy Stoon drove in from the Star
ranch ne'ghborhood the latter part of
the weeK.
Mr. Llitteros of Antioch was in
Lal:e'-ide on business Friday.
Mrs. Leo Berry and daughter, Grace,
drove out to the Ralph Shrewsbury
home I inlay evening.
Fred Spccr was in town Friday
afternoon.
Peter Kickcn drove in from his
ranch northeast Friday morning to
bring his sister. Ella, to the station,
where she took No. 43 for Alliance,
to spend a few weeks with her cousin,
Mrs. Clair Wiison.
A. W. Tyicr and son, Walter, were
shopping here Saturday.
Mr. find Mrs. George Hyland went
to HofTland Saturday to take charge
of an eatine house at that Place.
Will Scebnum was up from Ells
worth Saturday.
Charles Bamebv and children. Olin
and Thelma, drove to Alliance Satur
day to have some dented work done,
and on the return trip when a little
way from Antioch an axle moke
broke. A man from Antioch brought
them on home.
Gene DeFrance came in from the
ranch Saturday evening after a load
of com. Sunday morning while hitch
ing up the team they became fright
ened and ran away, upsetting the
wagon and scattering the corn. For
tunately Mr. Del' ranee escaped un
iniureiL
Max Moscrip was in town Sunday.
Messrs. I. D. and Harvey Whaley
and Master Dale Pollard and Wilton
Whalev went to Alliance Sunday and
returned Sunday evening in the ctr
which has been undergoing repairs at
that place.
Bruce Hunsaker was a Hoffland
business visitor Sunday afternoon.
Martin Mulhall a rancher near Ells
worth was injured one day last week
While climbinir a ladder to his hay
loft his foot slipped and he fell back
wards across a manger, injuring his
back in such a manner that he had to
be carried to the house. At the time
of this writing he is reported to Le
in a nrrttv bad condition.
The Messrs A. E. Olson, Will Brown
and Wilbur Goodrich went to Hoffland
to work Sunday.
Mrs. Walter Rice and son. Win.
McKinney were in Lakeside Sunday
FLORIDA
Imps
imrn
VIA THE
Burlington
the pleasant way to travel.
Now, is the time to go.
Start right take the
Burlington; enjoy both
the trip and the service.
H. L. ORMSBY,
Ticket Agent
of Mitchell, was stnick by an automo
bile in Scottsbluff Friday evening and
died a few minutes later. Her father
an attorney of Mitchell, was also
struck but aside from a severe shock
and a number of bruises, suffered very
little. The auto was being driven by
a son of Thomas Suratt, a farmer liv
ing in Funston precinct Evidently the
car was going at considerable ppeed,
for Mrs. Montross' body was carried
more than forty feet, and the head
light and fender was badly bent. Mrs.
Montross was a widow, and she leaves
one son. A daughter died some months
ago at Kearney.
CHURCH SOCIETY MUST
PAY FOU LOST FINGER
LINCOLN The woman's society of
the Westminster Pmbyterian church
hero must pay Mrs. Stella Hensley, a
cook, $15 a week for thirty-seven week
for tho loss of an index finger from
blood poison growing out of a cut on
her finger while peeling potatoes at
the society's fair grounds booth Us
fall. This is the first state com pons
tinn award against a church society
according to Secretary of Labor Freak
Kennedy.
THINGS EVEN UP.
"Some of these jitney drivers crowdl
in passengers so that a girl has to
ride on a man's lap."
"It doesn't seem right to make thft
girls pay full fare,"
"Oh, things even up. The youn(
man isn't charged anything additional."
Herald Want Ads Results.
.........
Reducing Stock Sale j
Furniture and Housefurnishings.
We find that our stock is too large; we must reduce our invest
ment. We have gotten busy. Cut prices are the result.
Look over the list below. It gives a partial outline of what we
are offering. Come to the store and see how low we have marked
our goods. Everything in the furniture and housefurnishing lines
is reduced in price 20 to 33 1-3.
BED ROOM FURNITURE
lied 'in Ivory Finish $16.00
Dresser in Ivory Finish 31.00
Chiffonier in Ivory Finish 29.00
Dressing Table in Ivory Finish 29.00
l'.cd in Ivory Finish $28.00
Chifl'onier in Ivory Finish 36.00
Full Vanity Dressing Case in Ivory
Finish 68.00
Dresser, Walnut Finish $3.M)0
Princess Dresser in Genuine Walnut
Veneer 47.00
Dresser in Genuine Mahogany
Veneer - 59.00
Dresser, Golden Oak, Top, 18x36,
Mirror 11x20 ... $19.00
Dresser, Golden Oak, Top 18x3G,
Mirror 18x2 1 24.00
Dresser, Golden Oak, Top 19x10
Mirror 22x28 $29.00
Dresser, Golden Oak, Heavy Colonial
Top 20x38, Mirrow 22x26 $32.00
KITCHEN TABLES
Wood top, 26x12 $ 6.00
Porcelain top, 26x10 9.95
Porcelain top, 27x12 12.75
Porcelain top, 28x18 16.75
SIMMONS STEEL BEDS
Two inch Post Bed $ 9.00
Two inch Post Bed 11.00
Two inch Post Bed 13.00
Two inch Square Post Bed, Wood
Finishes $19.00 and $22.00
SPRINGS
Simmons Slumber King $12.50
Wav Sagless Spring 12.50
Link Fabric Springs 7.00
Link Fabric Springs 8.50
MATTRESSES
15 lb. All-Cotton Mattress $ 7.75
.r0 1m. Layer Cotton Mattress 12.00
55 lb. High grade Felt Mattress
Fancy Tick 16.00
DINING ROOM FURNITURE
Extension Table, six foot, 15 inch
top, Golden Oak $19.00
Extension Table, six foot, 42 inch,
top, Golden Oak 21.00
Extension Table, six foot, 45 inch
top, Golden Oak 25.50
BUFFETS
Solid Tlain Oak, with mirror back ..$29.00
Solid Quartered Oak, with Mirror
back 39.00
CHAIRS
Solid Oak Dining Chair, for G $19.00
Solid Oak Dining Chair, with leather
seat, for 6 29.00
Solid Oak Dining Chair, with leather
slip scat, for 6 32.00
Ivory Enamel, Lady's Writing Desk 14.00
Bird's Eye Maple, Lady's Writing
Desk $14.00
Mahogany Finish Windsor Arm
Rocker $11.00
Solid Mahogany Cane seat and back 20.00
Genuine Leather Overstuffed Fire
side Rocker - 34.00
Tapestry Overstuffed Fireside Rock
er 41.00
ROCKERS
Fibre Rocker, with arms $12.00
Fibre Rocker, with arms, upholster
ed seats and backs $19, $21, $23, $23
Rocker, quartered oak, waxed finish,
genuine leather seat, with arms. 13.50
Rocker, with arms, quartered oak,
waxed finish, auto cushion seat, in
genuine leather 14.50
Rockers, with arms, large and com
fortable, with genuine leather
seats and backs, in Golden Oak
waxed $20, $23 and $26
Sewing Rockers, Wood seats, low as 2.65
Sewing Rockers, with compartment
under seat $7.50
Wood Seat Arm Rockers, as low as 3.50
Look for the Red Tags
DON'T DUY UNLESS YOU SEE A HEAL BARGAIN.
George D.-Darling
115-117 West Third Street
Alliance, Nebraska
Aecordine to Mr. Tumulty (do you
remember who HE was?), this was the J
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