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THE ALLIANCE HERALD, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 30, 1921.
THREE
RANDOM SHOTS
SONS OF HUMOR.
At breakfast time, when slumber lie,
Jot so remote from human eyes,
The Sons of Humor can evoke
A. twisted word that makes a joke.
It serves to speed us on our way,
And rather brightens up the day; ,
It curves the lips that for a while
Have just, forgotten how to smil
.And I have seen a growing WTath
Diverted from its crimson path,
And laid aside, all cold and dead,
By Fome fool-thing that has been said.
"There's plenty sad when day is done,
But Sons of Humor find the fun,
And God bless every man who strives
To keep the laughter in our lives!
Nan Terrell Reed, in N. Y. Times.
And that's that! v
There are two or three reasons for
Including that bit of poetry in a col
umn which has been singularly free
from it. One reason is that, in a way,
is dignifies the task of conducting this
department Another is that, so far
.as this issue is concerned, it's "Poetry
Week" with us. Last, but by no
' means least, before we turn our poets
Joose on poor Leo Lloyd and his chum,
31 r. Gatenby, it is well to let them
know that they are serving a useful
purpose in the world. It's no mean
Accomplishment to provoke laughter,
no matter what its tone.
; O GIRLS 1
The state adjutant of the American
Xegion in New Mexico has promised
-to send a genuine Mexican jumping
.fcean to every American girl who will
correspond with one of the five thou
sand disabled ex-service men in the
.hospitals of that state.
Before we forget it In the joy of
watching our corps of poets make
mincemeat of those Chadron scrib
blers, we 'must tell about Smith, the
.grand poo-bah of the Alliance steam
laundry. A few weeks ago, Mr. Smith
installed a wet-wash department The
other clay he greeted Eddie the Ad
Jian cheerfully. "Victory," he chor
tled, or whatever it is that men do
when they are inordinately pleased.
""The wet wash deDartment is an as
sured success. I've even got my wife '
to using it."
' REVENGE IS OURN!
A few weeks ago we ridiculed some
doggerel perpetrated by a rhymester
by courtesy) from Chadron. At that,
ve didn't vent nearly all of our scorn
.and wrath, not knowing the offender,
who signs himself in the Chadron
Journal as Leo Lloyd. Leo, regret
tably for him, came back in a short
squib in which he certainly did not do
full justice to our gigantic intellect.
A friend, Gatenby by name, support
ed him with some verses in which he
ast asuersions at this county, and de
nied that we had poetical talent that,
would equal Chadron s. Vve accepted
the challenge in behalf of our own
poets, and called for volunteers. An
issue or two ago we printed the first
volley in reply to the absurd claims
of the Chadron men. This issue there
are reinforcements. The last poet in'
the brigade, we shall call "Gentle Joe
until we learn his desires in the mat
ter. Joe, be it said, is an ex-soldier
who is snowed in on his farm about
half the time, and therefore has op
portunity to sharpen his poetical
hafts and point his barbs with vitriol.
And this is -how he defends U3 and
makes short shrift of Leo:
Ain't it just downright pitiful, men?
NON COMPOS MENTIS!
; Of obliterate fame
And alliterated name
13 Mister Leo Lloyd.
I am prompted to surmise
That the place above- his eyes
Is positively void.
His idiotic prattle
Has instigated battle
This literary nut.
His way of butchering rhyme
I Is most certainly a crime
, The poor, misguided mutt.
' To perdition I consign him
And Gatenby will jine him
I plainly can foretell.
1 Their presumption does astound
All the folks for miles around.
Poets They are, like blazes.
1 Their amateurish verses .
Bring ridiculing curses.
On Gatenby and Lloyd.
I'm toiced to the conclusion
Their heads must be a fusion
Of bone and rutberoid.
Here, as the poet points out, the
meter unfortunately changes, but any
one who has ever read any of Leo's
stuff will endorse the sentiment:
A suggestion is in order
To the boys upon the border
Of the sagebrush and the blowing sand
I contend their trouble's hooch
They'd improve tneir verse to mooch
A little of the Box Butte county brand.
Ride 'em, cowboy!
Powder Riverl Let 'cr buck!
And now, to convince these Chadron
poets that they're clearly outclassed,
we've decided to let 'em have both
barrels. Here's how G. W. N. peels
Leo's hide off and nails it to the fence:
POOR OLD LEO!
Oh that rhyming man of Chadron
town
He is a dud, a clam.
He gives to us a bitter pain
Below the diaphragm.
We think where we could kick at him:
But let that matter pass;
He is a verdant chimpanzee,
Almost as green as grass.
He'd better stir around a bit
And seek some mental serum
To inoculate that block of his,
For he is just a scream.
"Serum" and "scream" are not the
most perfect rhyme, however close the
poet may have stuck to facts in this
last verse. However, in his haste the
poet, writing for a man of Leo's abil
ity, probably figured the Chadron man
our casual perusal of Ieo's works, we I
have seen enough to know that this!
offense is mild compared with those
that he makes habitually, and prob
ably unknowingly.
Leo is, so far as we know, a pleas
ant, well mannered gentleman, . who
is kind to his wife and his family, un
less it be that he takes himself too
seriously. Honestly, we wouldn't say
all these mean things about him in
our official capacity. The trouble is
that he has stung the pride of our
box ttutte county poets. He and his
friend Gatenby probably deserve alii
they get. We have given our rhym
ing brigade permission to have their,
way with him. I
Speaking of Leo and his wooing of
the muse, we are reminded of the first
two lines of a poem by a Giltner man,
the remainder of which has unfortu
nately been lost:
"Hark, the merry warbler of the
Fpring! 4
No, it is a humming bird and can
not sing!"
Wonder what's become of Abie Mar
tin II of Bridgeport? Hope our con
trib. isn't ill. But Christmas is a
trying time for men with weak diges
tions. Incidentally, there were three mince
pies on the Jcitchen table when we
arrived home.
LIES FORTODAY.
"I don't make it, but I know where
I can get it."
"Wifie. it certainly Is a beautiful
necktie you selected for me."
MORE POETRY.
(By Gentle Joe.)
- There's a still
On every hill.
It takes a gill ' ' '
To make you ilL
Spend a bill, " ' ,
Drink your fill, ' t ;
Then it will : I '
Surely kill.
After the usual' holiday indigestion,
we are again reading the "grow thin"
articles in the magazines. One that
caught our eye last night promises
results. All we have to do is to eschew
water with our meals, potatoes, bread,
butter, pies (including mince), candy
and other things that make life worth
living, and dine exclusively upon lean
meat, bran gen3 and an assortment
of vegetables that doesn't appeal to
us. The writer challenges us by say
ing it's all a matter of will power. If
we get mad enough, we may take it
up, and hereby promise full and com
plete particulars if we do. Thisbe
it emphasized, is not a promise, but
a hope. For this, dear readers, is the
mincemeat pie and baked potato
season.
We dont know how much weight
a protest from a mere husband will
have, but we've seen so many of those
darned unbleached muslin aprons with
applique posies that ve froth at the
mouth every time a new Christmas
package is opened.
It's a shame to stop work on this
column when everything is going so
good, but there's darned near all of
the front p'age to be written yet.
One more, from the pen of Gentle
Joseph: ,
YESTERDAYTbEST STORY.
"Did you ever eat frog legs?"
"No but I've seen them on the
stage."
"On the stage! Where?" ,
"In Paris." '
The Christmas vacation interfered
somewhat with out war with Editor
Wilcox of Bridgeport. Wonder if the
old pirate ever came back? There
wasn't so very much he could say, but
he probably tried to Bay it
FOWLING
Everyone was surpised to see such
a nice day Christmas after such a bad
storm.
Mr. and Mrs. Jay Hall and children
spent Christmas day with his parents,
Mr. and Mrs. Charles Hall.
Mr. Stratton, the mail carrier, was
forced to make an extra trip Friday
out to the Paschke and Butler homes
to deliver the extra packages.
Russell Gray took Miss Hutchinson
over to Crawford's Saturday.
Mr. Crawford motored to Alliance
Saturday taking in Rome dressed tur
keys. The Misses Simpson and Hutch
inson accompanied him. '
Mr. and Mrs. Clarence Kilpatrick
are spending the holidays with rela
tives at Beatrice.
Mrs. Shipley's father and brother
passed through here Saturday from
Grand Island to her home at Marsland
to spend the holidays. They took din
ner at the ranch.
Miss Alice Roberts was quite dis
appointed when she didn't get home
Saturday on account of the bad roads.
Mr. and Mrs. C P. Mann and child
ren and Russell Gray were dinner
guests at the Fred Crawford home
Christmas.
Leo Brandle was out with his hounds
Saturday hunting coyotes.
Mr. and Mrs. Jake Henderson and
daughters spent the Christmas with
his parents, Mr. and Mrs. John Hen
derson. Little Frank Mann was on the sick
list last week. I
Mr .and Mrs. Ab Hall and children
and Miss Roberts took Christmas din
ner at the Elsea home. Miss Jean
and Alberta are spending their vaca
tion with their grandmother.
Mrs. Brus and daughter, Miss Clara,
were callers at the Mann home one day
last week. . '
Miss Alice Hamilton is ' spending
Christmas vacation with home folks in
Alliance.
The program at the Hall district,
which was to be given at the school
house Friday evening had to be post
poned on account of the bad weather
Mr. Hoff, of Kansas, is expected at
the Blackroot ranch to spend nis vacation.
James Eaton was a caller at the.
William Butler home Monday. x
Mr3. Elsea expects to leave next
week for her homestead in Wyoming.
Messrs. and Mesdames Farrel and
Sheldon had a surprise dinner on Mr.
and Mrs. Alfred McCart Christmas
day. It was also Mr. McCart's birth
day. All reported a very enjoyable
time. .. ..
Mr. and Mrs. Boyer and family ana
Nelson took Christmas dinner with the I
Fred Crawford family. I
Mr3. Francis Henderson and Miss,
Marguerite and Miss Roberts were
callers at the McCart home Monday.
Mrs. Mann and children were callers
at the Elsea home Monday afternoon.
The capital, surplus and un
divided profits of the Alliance
National Bank are $130,000.00.
10-15
PLEASANT VALLEY
Mr. and Mrs. John Roberts took
Christmas dinner at the Gejrje O?
born home.
Mr. O. W. Cox and family enter
tained at Christmas dinner. After
noon callers were Thomas Squibbs ind
lamiiy and Koy under.
Several from this neighborhood at-'
tended the Adams sale Tuesday. Mr.
Adams will leave soon for his new
home at Falls City.
Charles Barry attended to business
matters in Hemingford Friday.
Gust Peterson and Thorn is Squibbs
butchered Monday.
Edgar Brown and family vere rhop-'
ping in Hemingford Saturday. j
School dismissed Friday for a week's I
vacation. Miss Eaton, the teacher, is
spending her vnration with her par
ents in Hemingford.
The Alliance National Dank is
the strongest bank in western i
Nebraska. 10-15!
For six months jazz has been report
ed to be dying, but its tenacity of life
rivals that of the Bolshevist govern
ment of Russia.
An agricultural college is feeding
cows on sawdust, but the remarkable
part of it is, where does the college
get the sawdust
According to a prominent psycholo
gist, there are only seven basic dreamt
That man, evidently, has never been
a mince-pie addict
Modern dances give you the impres
sion that the human race is a neck-to-neck
affair.
OUR
WISH
for
Your
New Year
Appreciating your business and hoping that the pleas
ant relations now existing between patrons and our market
will continue, we wish you much happiness and prosperity
for the New. Year.
Melvin's Cash Market
F. E. MELVIN, Proprietor
503 Box Butte Ave.
HERALD WANT ADS BRING BEST RESULTS
1tMtnil1IM""rimilllllll1H'lllimillili;ilUIIIIIIIIIIH miiiiimHMMMHiiiiiiniHHiimiiiiiiiiimiiimMHHiimmtimtM
A typewriter has its disadvantages.
When you don't know how to spell a
word, you can't made a noncommittal
wiggle and let the printer figure it
out
MllUlllltllll ' J
Permit us to extend to each and every one of you our most heartfelt
thanks for the blessings of 1921 for the good'wll and confidence you
have bestowed upon us. '
At all times we shall endeavor to retain that faith you have placed
in us by maintaining the high standards Of quality, service and value to
the utmost degree. '
And may the year 1922 be the most prosperous and happiest in your
historyfor your contentment means our contentment.
Fowler Lumber Co.
FLOYD LUCAS, Manager.
6
e
DON'T FAIL TO SEE
A Minstrel Show and Musical Comedy, Given by THE AMERICAN LEGION
UNDER THE DIRECTION OF THE JOE BREN PRODUCTION CO., OF CHICAGO, AT THE
Imperial Theatre, Thursday and Friday, Jan. 5 and 6
50--ALLlMGE PEOPLE50
CO
III
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--PRETTY GIRLS--25
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