THE ALLIANCE HERALD, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 1921.
THREE
RANDOM SHOTS
If the news in this issue ian't thrill
ing enough to suit you, dear reader,
you have our permission to go out
.and burn down a barn or run otf with
.your neighbor's wife.
Can it be possible that all of tfie
bootleggers are in jail. It's been a
week since the last one was fined.
claim unbelievable progress in i!f21.
Oh boy, we are going into the cabbage
and catalpa bix at once.
Only twenty-three more days till
Christmas and father has begun to
wonder if last Christmas' socks, neck
tie and kerchief will last the remain-,
ing three weeks, for well he knows
that Santa will remember him as per
usual with the same standard get. In
fact, most manufacturers are turning
out a beautifully decorated gift box
containing me aoove, with handsomely
embossed letters "For Dad", but so
J accustomed is he to receiving same
wmV mean.tr'j;k they Played on . that we will wager this box won t be
llliam Grapejuice Bryan the other opened till long after New Year's
lugnt at a diplomatic banquet Lm- which is usual time for making a
""vuusiunniiuiciKu """"y ; change ot silkwear.
ity if you're curious enoutrhl and
liquor may be served without fear, war
tax or difficulties with booze hounds.
"3Ir. Bryan, as usual, drank water, and
probably did it pretty ostentatiously.
A waited replenished his glass, but
filled it with gin, which has something
of the same appearance. Mr. Bryan
.Bryan took one swig, and then dis
covered the awful truth. With a self
Tighteous air, he dashed the glass and
"the remainder of the gin on the floor.
A man who will suffer like that for
principle is deserving of a medal.
They say that William Jennings
Xryan smiled at the joke on him. We
know two dozen Alliance men . who
-would laugh out loud if the waiter
-would play the same joke on them. -
It may not be true that "Nobody
loves a fat man." However, it's plam
to be seen that the leans aren't brim
ming over with love and admiration of
3. I I life
It was Chesterton who said that no
man or woman should gaze lonif into
xl mirror. "You see," he said, "we tec
ourselves so very, very plainly."
There's only one thing that we hope
-will happen a sort of heavenly retri
"bution: We hope that some day those
:four tfiins who spoke so harxn'y of
the fats will get to weigh at least 200
pounds apiece. Especially the wom
en. There's this consolation, we weren't
always fat. ' Once we were thinner
than Doc Knight, und had to fasten
our hose supporters to the nether por
tion of our shirts. Not insinuating, of
course.
We Recently discovered a pain of
-fifteen pounds in our weight. The con
versation at the dinner table turned
upon the proper diet for reducing.
Several suggested dishes that would
assist. "How about cornbreud?" we
asked innocently. "Forbidden," said
our friend on the left. "You know
vhat they use to fatten hogs."
THE YEAR'SBEST STORY.
"I don't want to eat this egg. It's
not a nice egg," protested the bix-year-.old
daughter of the house at the
breakfast table.
"Mary," said her mother sternly,
"you are always complaining of your
: food. Eat what is placed before you
.very bite of it without another
word, or else I'll have to give you a
good spanking."
All was quiet for some minutes.
'Then from the other end of the table
: sounded a mournful voice.
"Mother, dear, do I have to eat the
beak too?"
TODAY'S BEST STORY
One o( the grape-juice specialists,
a member of the anti-hooch league,
was talking about "medicinal beer"
and the dangerous precedent set by
the treasury department of the na
tion in issuing permits. "Why," he
shouted to the audience, "suppose I
had a pail of water and a pail of beer
and brought on a donkey, which of
the two would he take?"
"He'd take the water," replied a
voice from the gallery.
"And why would he take the wat
er?" eagerly shouted the orator.
"Because he's a jackass," promptly
came the reply. "
And so the whole evening was
ruined for the lecturer.
ABE MARTIN II.
Real estate here shows signs of an
upward tendency; day before yeste'day
the last motorcycle left town, splitting
the air in the direction of Airyzona,
with placard attached reading, "Bisby
or Bust."
The popularity of the average ln
sorial artist is due to the ease with
which he scrapes an acquaintance.
Basket Ball League
Organized for the
North Platte Valley
At a meeting held at Bridgeport
Saturday the North Platte 'valley
basket ball league was organized and
the following officers elected: Prince,
Alliance, president; Col son, Gering,
vice-president; Johnson, Scottsbluff,
seretary-treasurer. Eight towns were
represented. Alliance, Bayard, Chap
pell, Bridgeport, Gering, Scottsbluff,
Siduel and Oshkosh. Schedules were
arranged for all the towns represented
for the coming basket ball season. The
Alliance schedule in the league is as
follows:
January 13, open
January 20, Gering at Alliance
January 24, Alliance at Bayard.
January 27, Alliance at Scottsbluff.
. February 3, Sidney at Alliance.
February 9, Alliance at Chappell.
February 10, Alliance at Oshkosh.
February 10, Bridgeport at Alliance.
February 17, Bayard at Alliance.
February 24, Scottsbluff at Alliance.
The Alliance team will play the first
game with the Chadron state normal
at Chadron on December 16. Mr.
Prince announces that they began
practice Wednesday and they are
working out plans for a trip during the
holidays "and will go as far east as
Lincoln if possible. "Last year they
played eight games on their holiday
trip and won five.
Your girl friends will appreci
ate a gift from our fine line of
silk hose, silk underwear, and
Why bemoan and bewail the absence
.i . i i i- i.
nhv Mwwr retail " Tnm nnd Madeira. They will like the qual
Jerry, or what not it may be, when in , ity, and you will like the low
only eight short years, 193Q, we can- j price. Open evenings until 9 p.
ot even enjoy the after dinner cigar, m Oriental Store. 2
cigaret, or pipe, for the national anti-
tobacco league promises a "bone dry" '
by that time. Nearly thirteen carloads ike you get at home, by the week
s oread broadcast over this free coun
try of ours in the year 1920 and they
$7.00. II. L. Ferguson, Western
Hotel Dining Room. 2
RAILROAD NOTES
The Hoffland office was closed Mon
day. Agent F. W. Koch now on the
extra list and relieving Mr. Riggs at
Sweetwater who plans to be ott kbout
sixty days.
4M.m.s night train order position
was closed the 1st and Operator G. W.
King will return to his home at Merna.
J. B. Kennedy of Ellsworth was re
lieved for a lew days by S. E. Stew
art who in turn was relieved by 'lorn
w. ..li, oi Lrftacsiue. Mr. Kennedy is
attending court in Rushville.
Mr. Browne of Lush, Wyo., traveling
witn his daughter en route to Florida
on train No. 42, November 27, in
charge of Conductor Ponath, was
found dead in his Pullman section
while 42 was at Broken Bow. A doc
tor was called who pronounced death
as resulting from heart failure.
H. B. Miller, now second trick op
erator at Broken Bow, is again wont
ing as dispatcher relieving A. Gregory
on the west end who in turn is reliev
ing G. Ekhart. A. J. Welch has been
off on account of sickness for some
time, relieved by J. T. Coldwell. G.
Eckhsrt is acting as night chief dis
pauper in the ausence of H. H. Giles
who is taking a two weeks' trip and
vacation in and near Los Angeles,
Cat. i
J.CL Michaels of Thedford is now
working as second trick operator at
Broken Bow in the absence of H. B.
Miller who is temporarily dispatching
out of Alliance.
Conductor Rred Reeder is laying off
for a few days being relieved by M. E.
Lander.
Third trick operator's position at
Ardmore was recently closed on ac
count of falling off of business. This
leaves only two continuous offices on
the west end, Belmont and Crawford.
Operator L. Z. Young of Anselmo
has been on the sick list the past week
and is being relieved, by M. A. Keene
formerly ot Hyannis.
Conductor F. J. O'Connor has been
off some two weeks with his brother,
Mike O'Connor, superintendent of the
Western Pacific in Salt Lake City.
Frank is now back at his turn on the
east local out of Alliance and report
his brother much improved.
At a recent meeting of railroad
officials it was decided that the "19"
form of train order should not be used
in putting out "meets" and the "31"
or "sign up" form will be used al
tdgether for this in the future. The
action was taken and sustained from a
safety-first point of view.
Although the company has offered
free small pox vaccination for em
ployees to date but a few have applied
for same. Although Kansas City is
suffering greatly with this pest other
points on this road are free, but is a
known fact that there have been mjny
exposures to the disease and the man
agement urgently urges that nil who
have not been recently vaccinated, ap
ply to the local company doctor at
once. It is understood by some that
if once vaccinated one is immune for
life but most doctors claim this is not
the case and the serum generally pre
vails for a four to seven year peiiod,
although some doctors vaccinating in
the U. S. Army informed the soldier
that this was a "life time job."
PROPER PRECAUTION
"Daughter," said the old man, stern
ly, "I positively forbid you marrying
this young scapegrace! He is an in
veterate poKer player!" "But, papa,"
tearfully protested ' Alicia Hortense,
"poker playing is not such an awful
habit, why, at your own club "
"That's where I srot my information,
daughter. Ill have.no daughter of
mine bringing home a man that I
can't beat with a flush, a full house
and fours."
We imagine that in the "invisible
empire" time i told by ku klux kiocka.
Brooklyn Eagle.
THE UNIVERSAL CAR
To the business man, retail or wholesale; to the manufacturer; to the commis
sion man; to the trucking company, the Ford Model T One Ton Truck makes
on irresistible appeal because it has in its chassis all the merits of the original
Ford car; the wonderful Ford Model T Motor, the dependable Vanadium steel
chassis, and the manganese bronze worm-drive. A strongly built truck that
serves satisfactorily and lasts in service If these statements were not ,truer
the demand for Ford Trucks wouldn't be so constantly on the increase. We
will be pleased to take' your order for one or more Ford Trucks, will see that you
get reasonably prompt delivery, and will give you an after service that insures
the constant service of the Truck. But don't wait too long. Get your order
In promptly.
Coursey & Miller
I.CI.IUI.CUIU.KI.IUUIM..M..
t
A Diamond -Will Please Her!
TVTATCH the brilliance of her smile with the gift of
a diamond. Only such a gift is fitting as an ex
pression of your sentiments, this Christmas.
A diamond Brooch, a La Valliere, a Ring any of these
will make her the happiest of women. -
Show'your good taste by selecting Jewelry as your Holi
day tribute. Show your good judgment by making your
selection here.
Our assortment of Jewelry of every description is com
plete. Let us assist you in choosing the right gift.
GIFTS
THAT
LAST
HOLSTEN'S
GIFTS
THAT
LAST
i
I
THIS IS A
FURNITURE Christmas
. George D. Darling
Furniture and Housefurnishings
Skilled Employees
Linemen, repairmen, operators, accountants all
these and many other skilled men and women, are
necessary to furnish telephone service.
The telephone business is perhaps the most highly
specialized and has the most sensitive machinery, of
any industry which serves the public.
Not only the best of equipment and well-trained
employees, but a capable management is essential to
provide the kind of service you want and the kind we '
want to furnish you.
How we handle your calls, how we keep our records
, and otherwise operate our business, will be inter
esting to you. We shall be glad to explain everything
if you will make it a point to call at our office.
Mr
m
Northwestern Beu&ephone Company
a
