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TltE ALLIANCE IIEItALD, FRIDAY, JUNE 3, 1921
SEVEN
RANDOM SHOTS
TuW Okla., has had a big race riot,
t ut the record do not show that it
trawl t0 "The Birth 0f Na
If you haven't purchased a ticket for
a campnre Oirls' benefit community
irty and dance, do it now. The show
mea off tonight, and Al Cavan's
feech will be worth the price of ad-
jnisKion. Hes been reading Mark
Twain for three weeks getting ready
for it.
Circua Day.
The late arrival of the train.
The early arrival of the spectators.
The pink dresses and blue hair rib
bons. ,
The boys with clean ears.
The general air of expectancy.
, The crowded restaurants at noon.
ine busy soda fountains.
, The boisterous cowboys.
The lack of hootch.
; The Lizzies lining the sidewalks and
the curbs.
The long wait for the parade.
The crying babies.
. The weary mothers,
j The delay.
I The continued delay.
The fidgety children.
, The crowded sidewalks.
The infernal delay;
The appearance of a solitary horse
man. The parade in sight.
The entire two blocks of the proces
sion. . The spar.gles.
The white band.
, The bareback riders.
, The paint on their faces.
, The colored band.
The only elephant.
The moth-eaten appearance of the
elephant
The yawning lions.
The monkeys, in the cage and else
where. , The clown band.
The Shetland' ponies.
j The grandma dolled up like a eou
, brette.
, The steam piano.
i The horrible music.
. The long walk to the circus grounds.
The mud.
. The sideshow barkers.
The hot dog stands.
The fat lady.
The idiots masquerading as canni
bals. The midgets.
The grand performance.
. The three rings.
The impossibility of watching more
than one at a time.
The shave the lion tamer didn't
have.
The dirt on his face.
The animals, bullied and beaten into
submission.
The enjoyment by the kids.
The hard seats.
The development of that tired feel
ing. The happy thought of compliment
ary tickets. '
The absence of the ringmaster in a
dress suit.
The absence of the ringmaster's
whip.
The announcement of the concert.
The relief that we weren't fovced to
stay.
The fifty cent saved. ,
The easy chair.
The restful smoke.
The feet on the library table.
The realization of disillusionment.
The knowledge that we don't care
about it.
The resolve that will be broken next
year.
The hitting of the hay.
The fitful sleep.
The curses.
The dreams of wild animals. ,
The alarm clock.
The shoe that missed it.
The getting up.
The work to be done.
The money we ought to get for it.
One of the girls was fretting. "He
lelt me to go get the tickets," she said,
"and I waited and waited. I waited an
awfully long time. 1 wonder if he
went into the sideshow."
If we were in her place, we'd ask
him about those Seven Veils.
But the brvte probably wouldn't
give himself away.
Congressional Record Wit: Con
gressman Swank (Dem., Okla.) was
delivering a eulogy on Platte National
park, that state.
Mr. Swank She has sulphur water
all kinds, shades and degrees, medi
cine water, bromide and pure water.
That water makes a man want to go
there and enriches him with that
manly vigor so essential to true man
hood. (Laughter.)
Mr. Dyer- (Rep., Mo.) They have
nothing else to drink down there,
have they. (Laughter.)
Mr. Swank The gentleman evident
ly has never been there. (Laughter.)
' There never was but one real joke
published in the Congressional Rec
ord, and that was 'way back in 1899,
when some congressman, in the heat
of an annexation debate, urged that
the United States annex Ii eland, in
order that we might raise our own
policemen.
Today's Best Story
There ain't none.
Tod'ay'a Second Best
Irate auto owner: "Chauffeur, how
could you be so careless as to get this
big splinter in our first tire?"
Chauffeur: "Couldn't help it, sir.
The fellow had a wooden leg." Pur
ple Cow.
Advice to Motorists.
Referring to the hair-raising exper
ience of C. M. Looney, who made a
thrilling areoplane flight in a flivver
last week, the Scottsbluff Star-Herald
tells how Looney had been yanked
from the car in mid-flight, but alighted
uninjured, caught up with his car, the
engine still running, and came on to
Alliance. The following good advice
to motorists Is given.
"Had he 'only had the presence of
mind to have shut off the engine, he
could have saved considerable amount
of gasoline. All autoists should bear
this in mind and when struck by a
tormido that chances to be going in
the same, direction they should shut off
the gas and cut down expenses as
these are hard times, and every little
du neips."
And to think that Mc. old and wise
ns he is, should be taken in by a short
change artist. Of course he got it
back, but it ought to cost him ten dol-i
i .
iars in cigars.
Make ours a Chancellor, please.
Maybe he'll find that other $10 bill
in his vest pocket; who knows?
Scientists have at last exploded the
caffeine myth. It seems there is no
deadly drug in coffe, and that those
who drink it need not fear heart dis
ease or kindred ills. Now, if some
one will only render a similarly favor
able report on the nicotine in tobacco,
life will assume a still, rosier aspect.
UNCERTAIN
He: "Was it you I kissed in the
library last night?"
She: "About what time?" Mug-wump.
Experts now tell us that the United
States has enough coal to last 3,000
years. The real tjuestion right now is,
have we got enough to last till it's
safe to let the furnace fire go out for
the summer?
Sometimes we wonder whether there
is more immorality in the world than
in the old days or whether the report
ers are more alert.
Every time we rend the names of
participants in Russian affairs we feel
that few of them can be regarded as
pronounced successes.
The man who is shocked . because
women smoke cigarettes forgets that
hit great grandmother may have
smoked a pipe,
Tis said a good cry now and then
helps a woman. It also Kelps her to
control her husband.
She: "Ho you love me, John?"
He: "Sure,"
She: "Then why doen't your chest
go up and down like the man ia th
movies?" -Tar Baby.
One of the most difficult things
about holding office these days is hold
ing the office.
When a mas dances with a girl and
doesn't step on her toes he knows she's
graceful.
Some of the nations have peace with
honor and some have it with complications.
A great many people who formerly
held positions are now glad to get
obs. i
If you don't dance, you will have
plenty of fun at the Camp (ire benefit
dance.
Come in and hear the June
Victor records at Thicle's. 54
REPORT OF THE CONDITION
OF THE
FIRST STATE BANK, of Alliance
Charter No. 1229
In the State of Nebraska at the close of business. May 31, 19211
Lloyd C. Thomas of Alliance has
been notified of his election as a mem
ber of the national council of the na
tional economic league to represent Ne
braska. The aim of the league is to
"provide a means for giving expression
to the informed and disinterested opin
ion of the country regarding economic,
social and political problems, and to
educate and lead public thought with
a view to creating a public opinion
that will be a vital and controlling
force in our government " Other Ne
braska members are Hon. William
Jennings Bryan, Francis A. Brogan,
Frank J. Burkley, Thomas C. Byrne,
James N. Clarke, W. F. Cozad, Chan
cellor William G. Hastings, Hon. R. W.
Hcbart, George W. Holdrege, Myron
L. Lamed, John J. Ledwith, Hon.
Bayard H. Paine, Addison E. Sheldon,
H. S. Wilson and Frank H. Woods.
The national executive council of the
league includes as its officers William
H. Taft, president; Frank A. Van
derlip, Lindley M. Garrison, . David
Starr Jordan, Jacob Gould Schurman,
Roscoe Pound, Edward A. Filene, John
Graham Brooks and John Hays Ham-men.
RESOURCES
Loans and discounts .
Overdrafts . . . i
Bonds, securities, judgments, claims, etc., including all
government bonds -
Banking house, furniture and fixtures
Due from National ar.d State banks $ 53,259.20
Checks and items of exchange 2,063.19
Gold coin 2,910.00
Silver, nickels and cents 1,874.76
1579,090.55
9.2S3.75
7,044.50
10,195.00
983.C0
66,949.21
LIABILITIES
Turkey will compel men above
twenty-four -years of age to marry, the
assumption being that if a man can't
support a wife by that time, the wife
will be able to support him.
Among other great improvements
which this generation enjoy-B and for
mer generations did not dream of is
the rapid-fire breakfast grapefruit
Nowadays any tax creates an emer
gency for the average man.
Total
Capital stock paid in
Surplus fund - . .
Undivided profits
Individual deposits subject to check
Time certificates of deposit ......
Savings deposits . -
Cashier's checks outstanding
Due to National and State banks
Depositors' guaranty fund
Total ..
$673,540.61
.$219,797.33
. 288,642.21
. 67,106.70
8,735.02
26,551.20
$ 35,000.00
30,000.00
86.03
600,832.40
7,628.12
$673,540.61
STATE OF NEBRASKA,
County of BOX BUTTE, ss.
I, W M. Finnegan, cashier of the above named bank, do hereby swear
that the above statement is a correct and true copy of the report made to
the State Bureau of Banking. W. M. FINNEGAN.
ATTEST:
H. A. COPSEY, Director,
, CHAS. BRITTAN, Director.
Subscribed and sworn to before me this 22nd day of June, 1921.
(SEAL) WILLIAM MITCHELL,
Notary Public.
SOMETHING LACKING
MR.HPV
TARTY
aUSTTAKE THEIR-5
EHAMfROM OUT THE PAH.
BAND ADD AN EGO OR
TWO. OHIMAN.'I
w
THE tempting, tantalizing
aroma of sugar cured ham
sizzling in the pan almost
makes a man feci like com
mitting poetry. Ah but it's
the (juafity that counts nd
the taste that tells.
HAM AND BACON
SPECIALS
t
Morris Supreme Ham,
per pound 33f
Swift's Premium Ham,
per pound . 3."f
Armour's Star Ham,
per pound . 3.
Morris Matchless
Bacon, per lb., 30c, 351
Swift's Premium,
whole or half 45
Armour's Star,
whole or half 43
Hamburger, lb.. .15$
Sausage, per lb. 20f
Pork Chops, lb. 25
Watch for Mr. Happy Party.'
THE-MODEL
MARKET
116 WEST 4TH ST.,
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Entertainment
for
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Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
mile
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SOMETHING WILL BE DOING ALL THE TIME
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' here :J
Every Day S
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wWe Have Planned All This Entertainment for You
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THE JUSTLY CELEBRATED .
Chadron Boys' Band
Will Furnish the hlusic
ONE BIG EXHIBITION OF '
FIREWORKS EVERY EVENING
DANCING AT ROOF GARDEN
AND CITY ARMORY EACH NIGHT
$ 6 0 0 0 in Purses & Prizes
RACING PROGRAM
There will be fast races in the different classes
no matter what you like best it will be here. Excellent
programs for each day. Come prepared for the fun.
SEE THE-
SPOTLIGHT MULE RACE
Wrestling Matches
INVOLVE THE TOP-NOTCH MEN
Sauer vs. Wrobluvsky, June 15
Mortensen vs. Zimmer, June 16
Joe Stecher will wrestle the winner of first night's
match on Friday, June 17
SPECIAL MOVIES AT
IMPERIAL THEATRE
IS
ALLIANCE RACING ASSOCIATION
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