THE ALLIANCE HERALD, TUESDAY, JANUARY 4, 1921
66
HUMOR
QUE"
Imperial
Theater
To Night
and
Tomorrow
1
MATINEE DAILY 20c and 35c NIGHT 25c and 55c
COMMENT & DISCOMMENT
A crilain Alliance business man
hail an opportunity the day Wfore
Christmas to Income neUaintod w th
one of the superstitions of the ro
mantic Mexicans who infest the box
carR in the yard. It may he ex
plained that this man served u hitch
in the army durinjr the Fpanii-h-American
war, and that he Mill re
tain a smattering knowledge of the
language of the Hidalgos of Arra
Ton. The Mexicans have found it out
and occasionally they not only bu
things from him, but ask his advice,
end he has never leen known to
charge them for it.
Not only did she return his love,
but she wanted (o marry him. In
vain did the mother expostulate. The
daughter loved this man, and would
many him that was the burden of
her song, day nr.d night. The mother
i'jila:ned to her American friend that
he did not know American laws so
vciy well, but she feared this was
igain t the law. The merchant agreed
with her and drew a picture of the
dau?hter going to jail, but the mother
wasn't much worried.
"15ut that's why I get those beads,"
he told him.
tUK FORUM OF THE f IlESc
A husky Mexican mamma came
Into his utore the day before Christ
mas. She was perspiring and puff
intr, and waved her arms consider
ably in her excitement, but he man
aged to gather that she had been at
Thiele's, and Brennan's, and maybe
another place, looking for a set of
coral beads. She wanted this mer
chant to go along with her and help
her get them. The clerks, she ex
plained, couldn't understand, and her
need was desperate.
The merchant is an accommodating
cubs, and although he couldn't see
why a woman so old, and so plump,
and bo devoid of coquettishness could
need coral beads, lie helped her get
them, and then she confided her trou
bles to him in that liquid Mexican
tongue that resembles the sweet mu
cie of the magpie. I
Thos bead," she paid, "aro for my
daughter " and off she was on a
tale of a young lady who loved en
tirely too much. Her daughter had
been married in her early youth to
a Jiandsome young Mexican, and the
couple loved each other dearly, and,
to far as she knew, still entertained
"that gran' affection". However, ab-
cence does not make the Mexican
heart grow fonder. The husband was
in Rome other town on a railroad job
and the dusky lass had cast her eyes
upon another, who had won more fa
Tor in her eyeB than he should, con
cidering the fact that she waa married.
The merchant told her frankly that
he cou'dn't see any connection be
tween a lovesick daughter with big-
amistid tendencies and a set of coral
beads.
"lon't you see?" cried the mothei
triumphantly, "tonight I shall grind
those beads to a fine powder, and 1
'hall put a' pinch in her collee wher
she is not looking. Tomorrow 1
; hall do the same thing, and the next
day. After three days sdie does no'
love this man any more. Those beads
will cure her.
"Can you beat it?" asks the mer
chant, who is a man versed in the
price of merchandise in his line, but
who knows nothing of the alchemy of
the heart. He doesn't believe it will
work, but the Mexican woman is sure
that within three days her daughter
will begin mourning for her absent
husband, and when the romantic rival
shows up, he will get the gate.
If any Alliance mother has a daugh
ter whose affectionB are straying in
undesirable paths, remember that
coral beads are comparatively inex
pensive, and they may work as well
as some other things.
VOLSTKARIAN STRATEGIST
Two football fans were taking it
over. i
i "I wonder who invented the drop
kick," said the first.
The other, who had been on a home
brew party the night before, stroked
his brow painfully.
"John Barleycorn," he answered
with conviction.
Imperial Theater
Thursday, January 6th
4
The Best and Diggest TCedpath Musical Offerings
of the Year.
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Mr EdwardSarrow
I
A MY STKKY
The editor of the Free Tress, unlike
Ivory soap, is not 91) 44-100 cr cent
j ure, and the probabilities are that h
would have propped both ears widt
open in order to hear all of the testi
mony adduced in the McKlhaney niui
der trial at Alliance, if he had btti.
among the spectators.
But the womtn, bless their indi
vidual and collective hearts why the
dickens should they want to hear it?
Men from Alliance who have been
in Minatare since the trial say that
much of the evidence was so utterly 1
filthy as to be positively revolting. Jt !
was, as a matter of fact, so indes
cribably obscene that neither of the
Alliance newspapers published more
than a bare hint of it.
One would naturally conclude from
these circumstances that the fair sex
would shun the recital of such lan
guage as came from the witness stand
iuring this highly sensational trial
hun it as they would a plague. On
the contrary, it is surprising to note
that more than half of the audience
each day consisted of women. They
elbowed men out of the way to secure
seats and almost fought each other
for points of vantage.
Why?
And echo answers, "Why?"
This is not a condemnation of the
women who were there. Their com
ings and goings are their affair, not
ours. We are merely expressing our
astonishment at a phase of human na
ture that passes our comprehension.
Minatare Free Press.
AMERICAN LEGION NOTES
State legislation which will offer the
alternative of a $2,000 farm or home
'oan or cash compensation at the rate
of $15 a month of service for veterans
)f the world war, will be pressed by
he Oregon department of the' Ameri
can legion. It was so decided at a
ecent meeting of the state executive
committee of the legion. The legion
naires also voted to sponsor in the
legislature a bill similar to the Ja
panese law of California, aimed to
prevent land holdings by orientals in
the state, when it was pointed out
that the adoption of the California
law caused an influx of Japanese into
Oregon.
business houses of the community list
their "help wanted." These post bu-
reaus are operated free of charge and
eligible to any veteran applicant, re
gardless of legion memlership. I
A national poll of the members of
the American legion may be ordered
by national headquarters in the near
future to determine which plan mem
bers will choose in the event that the
legion four-fold bonus bill is passed
by the senate. The senate finance
committee reported to the national
legisative committee in Washington
that this step might be necessary to
ascertain an estimate of the imme
diate expenditure which the bill's pass
age would call for.
A recent report that the interna
tional molders' union had advised all
its members that if they became af
filiated with the American legion their
union cards would be forfeited has
been declared a faleshood in a letter
from an officer of the union to Sam
uel Gompers, president of the Ameri
can federation of lalor. The letter
states that "we do not wish to mar
the wonderful record our members
made during the war by prohibiting
' them from joining such a patriotic
jbody as the American legion."
For Fif ty-Two Years the Standard of Excellence
, in the Lyceum.
Buy Your Tickets Earlj and avoid the Rush. On Sale at Ilolsten's
Drug Store, Any Seat in the House $1.00.
r Photoplay First Offering of
V Features Constance Talmadge in
: "IN SEARCH OF A SINNER"
fc: Photos at Matinee Only20c and 35c
A MAN MAY BE DOWN
When Abraham Lincoln was a
young man he ran for the legislature
in Illinois, and was defeated, lie next
entered business, failed, and was sev
enteen years paying his debts.
He was engaged to a beautiful
young woman she died.
Entering politics again, he ran for
congress, and was again defeated.
He then tried to get an appointment
in the United States land office, but
failed.
He became a candidate for the
United States senate, and was badly
beaten.
He ran for vice-president and was
once more defeated.
When you think of your hard luck,
think of Lincoln. American Legion
Weekly. . . , v ,
LET'S BE SENSIBLE!
A big business man has compared
the present business condition to that
of a man who has survived a severe
and wasting fever.
And he is absolutely right.
After a severe illness a man enters
the convalescent stage. So with busi
ness. We cannot expect to step out
with the same old stride we had be
fore the illness. We have to feel our
way, conserve our energies, go moder
ately and work carefully.
Let s be sensible.
Let's recognize that thank God we
are out of danger of a business calam
ity; that our trials are now those of
healing and rehabilitation; that re
duced prices, reduced profits, and re
duced salaries if you please are all
indications that we are slowly but
surely recovering our normal business
strength. , '
Don't let us be foolish patients and
get to kicking the covers off and quar
reling with either the nurse, physician
or the medicine. Let's put forth our
best efforts to getting well.
We are on the highway to a splen
did business recovery.
"Let s smile and get well."
Why not! Bayard Exchange.
THE HIGHER CRITICISM
Two Scotchmen from the Highlands
traveled to the Granite Citv for a
week's holiday, and there saw many
inings lor tne nrst time. While walk
ing down Crown street a water cart
passed them and betran SDrinklinu- the
dust, much to their astonishment. Af
ter a moments hesitation, Jock ran
behind the cart, shoutinsr to the driver.
"Hi monl Yer scalin' aw yer waiter!"
inis break annoyed Sandy, who
rushed after his friend and said. "Jock.
dinna show yer ignorance. It's ta keep
tne laddies fra hangin on the back."
L,ne.
A VETERAN
In the old days of the draft stories
are popping up about them even at
this time an examiner was putting
Sambo through the usual course of
questions.
"Any previous military experience?'
he asked.
"Lord, yes. Wss." replied Sambo
"Ise an old-timer. Ise been shot at
three times befo' they ever was
war." American Legion Weekly.
A DISTINCTION
"Isn't that music heavenly ?" asked
the arden young he-fox trotter soul-
fully. "Doesn't it simply lift you off
your ieeti"
"It doesnt seem quite so heavenly
MM all that." she reorUd with
acerbity, "At least, it doesnt lift you
Charging that armv overcoats are
being solicited from former service
men for disabled veterans because, the
government has failed to clotne them
lequately, Miles D. King, a member
of the West End post of the American
legion in New York city, has written a
letter of protest to Secretary of War
Baker. The writer states that "sur
plus army clothing is beine sold riirht
and left at what is supposed to be
sacrifice prices, and I am therefore
unable to understand why these con-
alescent soldiers cannot be furnished
with sufficient clothing." The appeal
to former service men to irive ud their
overcoats, according to the letter, was
made from the American Red Cross,
through a legion member at a meet-
ng of the New York post.
In an effort to alleviate the national
shortage of employment, American
legion posts in many parts of the
country nave established employment
bureaus for local former service men
where industrial establishments and
Wholesale swindling of veterans and
gold star relatives by unscrupulous
lawyers who demand exorbitant fees
for obtaining compensation in cases of
injury or death is being investigated
by the Massachusetts department of
the American legion. The widow of
one man is said to have paid a law
yer's fee of ten per cent of a $10,000
due to her through the death of her
husband overseas. The war risk act
prohibits any lawyer receiving more
than $3 as a fee for pressing a com
pensation claim.
Patrolman Joe Treglia, an American
legion member of Omaha, will receive
a medal and a cash purse as a result
of his bravery in putting out a burn
ing fuse leading to tins of gasoline
and kerosene in a restaurant. The
whole block probably would have gone
up in an explosion if Treglia had not
investigated the unlocked door of the
store and found the flaming fuse.
STOP RUBBING
We are now demonstrating the Ideal
Vacuum Washer in your city. Don't
miss seeing it. A wonder. Sells for
$5.00. County and state distributors
wanted. Now at Fielding's Cleaners
10-llp
Highest cash prices paid for furni
ture, guns, watches, musical instru
ments, cothing. Workman & Mc
laughlin, Corner 2nd and Box B"tte
102 tf.
PERSONALS
C L. Reynolds left Monday for
Grand Island, where he had been on
a business trip.
Lawrence Rodgcrs is visiting at the
home of his sister, Mrs. C .E. Rey
nolds, this week.
J. D. Baum of Lincoln returned to
his home Saturday, after spending the
holidays with friends in Alliance.
W. I Guy of Bingham was in Al
liance on business Monday.
Sheriff Bruce of Rushville was in
Alliance Saturday on business.
George Ormsby returned Monday
from Edgemont, S. D., where he spent
New Year's.
John Ellis nr. J family of Hannibal,
Mo., are spending the holidays with
relatives.
Miss Marie Kibble returned to Lin
coln Sunday, after spending the hol
idays with her parents.
Mrs. McClusky of Kimball spent
New Year's with relatives in Alliance.
A. II. McLaughlin of Marsland
spent Sunday in Alliance.
R. L. Johnstone returned from Oma
ha Friday, where he was attending a
salesmen's conference.
Mrs. Katherine Remington of Oma
ha spent last week visiting with Mrs.
Hattie Jaskalek and left Monday for
Scottsbluff to visit friends.
Lewis Wilcox, wife of the editor of
the Bridgeport Blade, is visiting at
the home of Mrs. Nellie Wilson this
week.
Mrs. Nellie Wilson returned Sunday
from Bridgeport, where she spent
New Year's day.
Miss Mamie Hagerty of Bridgeport
was called to Alliance Sunday to at
tend the funeral of her sister, Mrs.
C. E. Rallon.
Mrs. J. H. Mann and Miss Eliza
beth Wilson left Monday for Bayard
to visit friends.
Mrs. A. L. Dawson spent New
Year's at Scottsbluff.
Mr. and Mrs. M. M. Reynolds of
Sterling, Col., is visiting at the home
of Art Reynolds of this city.
Ben Swanson returned Sunday from
a trip to Iowa.
Mr. and Mrs. H. H. Forney and S.
H. Forney of Lakeside are visiting in
Alliance this week.
Mr. and Mrs. A. G. Eastburn re
turned to Kansas City Sunday after
spending the holidays with friends.
BEAT IT!
There's a real menace to the farmer of this country in
cheap South American beef. Our packers are building
more and more big plants in Argentina, Brazil, Uru
guay; refrigerator ships are dumping the frozen and
canned beef on the markets of the United States and
the rest of the meat-buying world. How can 'this dan-,
gerous competition be met?
In pure-breds lies the answer. The pure-bred farmer
can produce prime carcasses at an economy that
challenges competition or, better, he can sell breeding
stock to a steadily growing market.
From every point of view pure-bred
cattle give security. The farmer who
raises them has fewer worries over
high feeds, increasing freight rates,
decreasing soil fertility and poor
bank credits. Because his business is
on a more economical basis his mar
gin of profit is greater than that of a
scrub raiser. Because his margin of
profit is greater he can weather a
market slump that crushes other
beef raisers. There is more demand
for his superior kind of cattle right
now foreign markets are clamoring
for his breeding stock.
Don't you want to enroll in the
ranks of safe farmers who make more
money and have better homes?
Don't you want to help make this
community a better place to live? '
The Country Gentleman, the '
great National Weekly of Profitable
Farming, will point the way. In the
52 big issues that come every Thurs
day for just $1.00 it offers a uniquely
valuable national farm service.
NEBRASKA SHORTHORN BREEDERS' ASSOCIATION
C. M. MCCARTHY, Secretary, York, Nebraska
THE COUNTRY GENTLEMAN, Philadelphia. Fa.
I'm glad to aee you pushing our organixatioa with good avertlsing. And here'i my dollar for ubaatption
iot one year, mijr-iwv wuca. a an iwu go wcu logciocr
(My Name).
(My AddreaOL
j(Sute)L.
i
on mine."