HAN DOM SHOTS
Tuesday was the shortest !ay of the
year, hut we had our third inning w;th
the jrriie that day and it permed
plenty long trough for us.
At least three printer or pressmen
f our aenuain'nnce are walking the
matrimonial plank Christmas week,
nd we are keeping a careful eye open
to discover whether it's epidemic
mong the craft.
We can understand how a younjr
man should desire to leave home, but
mhy on earth should he buy half a
Joren phonographs to take with him?
Somet'mes, if a man play half a
dozen tunes on half a dozen phono
graphs at the same time, the result
sounds like h ome.
!n this instance, however, nobody
left a receipt.
The editor of an exchange laments
because every time he pocs out on the
the strert'w'th his wife, someone s
r-ure to rci.mrk in tones pitched so
his belter hnl w 11 le sure to over
hear: "Who a thnt old chap with
he school girl ?"
Maybe if he'd get shaved as often as
he dii during his courting days, they'd
take him for her brother.
' "What's the reason," he asks, "that
I when a man goes out on the street
w!th his pretty wife, so many folks
, take it for gTanted that she isn't his
iwife? Why do folks have the idea
that because a woman is your wife,
she must take on a sort of plain
look?"
Alas, too often she already has a
plain look.
If it will help comfort this poor,
perplexed brother; we will remind him
that homely men usually draw pretty
good looking wives.
Christmas Club
For 1921 Now Forming at
The Guardian State Bank
I
NTEREST for the past six months will be entered
in your pass boqk if brought to the bank.
You may deposit as much as you like each week or
month there is no restriction as regards the amount,
it will draw 5 interest, which will be credited in your
bank book June 1st and December 1st each year.
Deposit a part of your earnings and you will become
thrifty you will be prepared for a real good invest
ment at some future time.
To our many hundred customers, both savings and
commercial, to close our books at the end of the year,
without expressing our appreciation for the business
you have entrusted to us would leave a debt unpaid.
We thank you and offer our best wishes for a Merry
Christmas and a Happy, Prosperous New Year.
Af '
' ii Im i iniiii )
Winter Feed
For Stock
This store has everything you need
for feeding your stock this winter.
Shorts, Bran, Corn, Oats,
Wheat, Hay, Mixed Chicken
Feed and Stock Foods for
r Conditioners, and other
things to bring your stock
through to spring in first-
class condition.
Our prices are right on these and you
will find they have the quality. Lay
in a supply when next in town.
Farmers Union
Today' Best Story.
His mother-in-law had lived with
him and his family a long time. She
went away finally, however, for a brief
visit wth another fon-in-law and his
family. One day soon alter a tele
gram came, reading: "Mother-in-law
passed away today. Shall we embalm
and bury or cremate?"
He wired back: "fJmbalm, bury and
cremate. Take no chances."
What' Kolin' Our Willie?
Alliance is somewhat excited over
the alleged discovery of natural gas
at Angora. Just why Alliance should
be excited over such a discovery is
not known, as "gas" is a very com
mon commodity in that section. Hill
Maupin.
Bill, we're downright ashamed of
you. Why should a good poker player,
a fair-to-middling poet, a kind hus
band and gentle father talk that way ?
"Let dogs delight to bark and bite
For God hath made them so."
These beautiful lines are com
mended to all who show quarrelsome
dispositions in this most peaceful sea
son. As Al Brown says: "Isn't it
pathetic?"
Jim Hunter has staged a comeback,
and will start the new year in fairly
good shape.
After a careful survey of the home
made movie, we're inclined to think
the hero got the most out of it.
That is, if we don't count the pro
ducers. Only a newspaper man can appre
ciate that dope about 100 per cent
circulation.
Suggestions for the historical mu
seum of the chamber of commerce:
A lock of brunette hair.
Record of sales made by one A.
Corwin (alias etc.)
Fake jewelry sent back by mail in
effort to aid Zediker.
Gumshoes once worn by Nova
Taylor.
Oil painting of Cy Laing in the act
of "skinning the cat," with Harv.
Ellis "helping him over."
We overheard another young lady
planning her Christmas list Her
girl friend is to receive a certain
article of feminine wearing apparel.
We heard the following description:
"It's to be made of white satin, with
embroidered eyelets in the center."
She's going to make it tonight, so
it can't be so very large.
For the best guess submitted by an
unmarried male under thirty-two be
fore next Tuesday morning, this col
umn will award a prize of one pack
age of cigarets.
Judge Tash tells us that since the
npwfinnnnru npintA.I iViA ( ne u:
. i.t,u,.v.. o iiiulvu viic etiFij ui ilia
attempted marriage of the wrong
couple, trade has fallen off alarm
ingly. j You can't persuade him that adver
tising doosn't get results.
' Wave a merry Christmas, but re
member that cold mince pie brings
un indigestion.
I No wassail bowl no Thomas and
Jeremiah no rock and rye not even
rum punch.
u .a
But no headache
brown taste.
and no dark
"Merry Christmas, as they say.
Looks like rain and tastes like it."
GLYCERINE MIXTURE
FOR GAS ON STOMACH
Simple glycerine, buckthorn bark,
etc., as mixed in Ad!er-i-ka relieves
ANY CASK, gas on stomach or sour
stomach. It acts on both upper and
lower bowel and removes all foul mat
ter which poisoned stomach. Often
CURES constipation. Prevents appen
dicitis. The INSTANT pleasant action
of Adler-i-ka surprises both doctors
and patients. One man who uttered
five years from indigestion and consti
pation was helped by ONE dose.
Harry Thiele, druggist.
Mrs. Ernest W. Gremel and Ernest
W., Jr., of Broken Bow, arrived Sun
day noon to join Mr. Gremel here, who
is a member of the Herald force,
R. R. CAFE
to be opened about
December 28, 1920
at the location of the
Old Burlington Cafe.
Good Food
Prompt Service
Reasonable Prices
CHAS. F. JOHNSON
Proprietor
i
CHRISTMAS
GREETINGS
Again is the joyful season here, with its toys and joys
to bring happiness to girls and boys.
To older people, as well, there is a quickening of the
pulse as the holly-decorated packages arrive and eager
fingers tear aside the wrappings to reveal the gift of some
loved one. There is no other season so dear to everyone, or
when joy is given such free rein.
We feel a keen appreciation of your good will and patronage
for the past year.
FOREST
umber Company
Holiday
Greetings
r
Let's Retire the Clothes Line
for the Winter
Hanging clothes out of doors with hands steaming and
tender; sudden changes of temperature; chilling and
over-exertion involve real risk to health these cold,
windy days.
The sensible thing is to have us take over this dis
agreeable part of your family washing the wash
ing, rinsing and drying.
We'll iron the flat pieces, too, and fluff your woolens
and bath-towels and underwear so nicely they'll be
all ready to fold away when you get them back.
All that will be left for you to do will be the ironing
of a few of the lighter, fancy pieces light, pleasant
work you can do indoors, at your leisure and without
danger to your health.
Our driver will be glad to call any time just phone
us whenever your bundle is ready.
"Send It To The Laundry"
Alliance Steam Laundry
123 East Third Street
Telephone 160
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