XfiG , AtUAKCK. mkLV,J'4ltnAX. DECEMDEIl 17, 4920
JvlYS PHI niirvjftMlOTS
About the richest piece of unadul
terated nerve is the piojxt.sal by a
transient movie ruin to present tin ad"
vertising film, thinly .digu'spd n ro
mance, to the chamber of commerce
for "historical purposes".'.'
It won't cost them q s'nifle red cent
and will be worth all of it.
Mind you, wc ro not rapping the
- advertising value of the. homemade
movie it'i good enough, so far a it
goes. . '
But its historical value will he
about as great as that of a program
of last week's Elk ministrel.
We hereby ofTer the chamber of
commerce for its historical archives,
the left hind wheel of a small wagon
upon which Rufus Jones once rested
the heel of his oxfords.
And if the chamber really wants to
' establish a museum, we will donate
also a sailor's flat hat similar to one
that was once admired by Mrs. French
Vanderbilt, who raised a common gob
to the hobil.ty by ' merely mairying
him. .
YOll SAM -At a bargain,' but
sight unseen, two or three of our im
perishable editorial that were never
printed; also fomc Random Shots that
1M. lie censored.
Darn that boy he has a heart,
The ' true newspaper
heartless as a minister.
niun i BS
We're thinking of changing the
name of this column. The other day
i little girl called it the "Randolph
Shots'". Ten minutes later her mother
spoke of it as the "Ransome Shots."
However, no one has yet referred
to it as the "Rancid Shots," so we'll
wait awhile.
Ever since Judge Tash nearly mar
ried the wrong couple, we've peeked
before we ventured inside his Temple
of Justice.
Lots of funny things happen in
court Even during the dull business
of choosing a jury, there were two or
Coal!
An I
We how have a full supply of
ROCK SPRINGS COLORADO, KIRBY
AND ACME COAL
In Lump or Nut. There is lots of difference
in coal. You will find our coal to be satis
factory in every way. '
Better have your name down on our list of
satisfied customers. Lay in your supply now
before the rush comes and you will be as
sured of courteous and prompt service.
O'Bannon & Neuswanger
three incidents which raised a laugh.
One juryman was askrd whether he
were married and had a family., "Oh,
yes," he told Attorney Trince'I have
our boys and a wife or, rather, 1
ot the wife first and then the four
aoys."' .,' . .
Another prospective juror, in reply
o the same question, said with dig
nity:' "1 have one daughter and one
wife.""
' There was a mock trial at some
Methodist church shindig last week,
ami (whisper tt, please) they tried
their own parson on the charge of
manufacturing home brew.' There
was a real judge and some 2.75 per
cent attorneys. As we' heard it they
proved the charge, but the jury rec
ommended leniency and he .got it.
One bit of testimony was pretty
good. Some brother was on the stand,
and the mock attorney for the de
fense asked him: "Isn't it true that
you have a grudge against the min
ister." The witness emphatically de
nied the implication. "And isn't it
true," went on the attorney, "that you
have a grudge against the church?"
Agafn the witness entered a denial.
"Then why do you sing in the choir?"
shot back the attorney for the de
fense. We're rather disappointed in Judge
Kenesaw M. Landis. We got a
glimpse of him at the movies once (he
was on the screen), and he don't look
half as distinguished as Bill Mounts.
Today's Best Story
Deck-hand: "Foor Dill Spoof is
dead. He broke his neck in sick bay
last night." ,
Striker: "Dead! I thought he had
only a light attack of lumbago."
Deck-hand: "That's right, but the
medico massaged his back "with alco
hol and he couldn't resist trying to
lick it off."
Bill Fulmer, in that letter to Ed
Bishop, speaks of Babe Ruth lapping
up "rum bacadees."
That's a new one on us.
But the knowledge comes too late.
Oscar Brush had the chance of a
lifetime to study late styles in wom
en's finery the other day, when the
charging crowds at the McElhaney
trial bore him to the floor, after which
everybody walked over him.
Jim Miller said, however, that Oscar
didn't appreciate his blessings, but
strongly intimated that there was one
Job that he'd never tackle again.
Add list of undesirable occupations:
Floorwalker at a murder trial.
Ditto: Defendant at, same.
Wuxtral Wuxtral .Cop Sees a Lady
Crapshooterl .
However, list among the . pleasant
occupations that of -assisting at the
obsequies of a hatchet. . . ,-
A newspaper man leads a hard life.
No sooner did we learn the name of
the pippin who doesn't dislike fat men,
man a big trial comes on and we
haven't time to even get shaved, let
alone practicing our most winning
smile. ' .
However, a day will come, when we
can give the matter the attention it
deserves.
Full market prices will be paid for
luck pieces of any descrfDtion. Pref-
erences will be given to the left hind
feet of rabbits, but anything that has
proved its worth will be given
due consideration.
But the officer was escorting "a pris
oner, and didn't make any arrest.' !
She had only a couple of nickels in
the game, anyway. ' ';
Girls will be girls.
clothing, jrjiedemand'is supposed to
create the price. Lemont (111.) Op-CljpiJst-News.
i i ,j - .,
J A.'hian' advertising for his lost
daughter 'includes the, information in
the description: "She; was a blonde
when last seen." Jacksonville (Fla.)
Metropolis.
I
If epidemic follow the stvles. vou
may look for an outbreak of knee-
monia this winter. Paducah (Ky.) timist-News.
News-Democrat. I
Optimism thie .newlyweds buying
a baby carriage. Lemont (111) Op
"A poet is born, not made," we are
informed, but amateur poets should
make it a practice never to be born.
Seat Pleasant (Md.) Sentinel.
We washed the glass in our front
office door this morning and one of
i our boy friends tried to stick his hand
through the opening. Washburn (111.)
leader.
Profiteers who came to grasp re
main to gasp. Benton Harbor Mich.,
News-Palladium.
Once it was insulting to tell a man
to go to Halifax, but , since Halifax
has voted wet they go without being
told. Warwick (N. Y.) Advertiser.
Paper umbrellas are about to appear
on the market. Is this a good way to
meet the paper shortage?
The more we see of some women the The less work a man does the more
more we wonder at the high cost of he tire9 othef people.
Save Money by Buying
Serviceable Christmas Gifts
was opportunity greater than now to spend our
Christmas fund for practical household conven
iences to take drudgery out of the home, by buy
ing equipment that serves when called upon
without the annoyance of "Maybe -it will work
right." The "tried and found true" articles: -
The Beautiful and Serviceable Alcazar Ranges.
Great Majestic Ranges Pressure Coookers
Reed White Enamel Ware.
Vacuum Cleaners Aluminum Ware
National Vacuum Electric Washers
N PyrexWare . Electric Irons
All goods cheerfully shown. -
RHEIN HARDWARE CO.
Prompt and Courteous Service. 1
' S'l'.'.l.l.l.l
Christmas Cheer Is Assured
in hundreds of Alliance homes this year because of
H
irst State Bank
This Dank takes a bit of pride in the
success and popularity of this Christ
mas Savings Club plan. The Holidays
always bring their demand for money;
often in homes where there is lack of
ready cash that brings heartaches to
parents, and disappointment to the little
folks. We believe this Savings plan has
increased the joy of Christmas in Alli
ance, and has also cultivated the thrift
habit.
Each year tha number of members
grows larger, proving its appreciation
end helpfulness.
Christmas Savings Club Checks
The joy and satisfaction these savings will bring cannot be estimated.
Parents will have the money to purchase the presents so greatly de
sired by their children; relatives, friends, sweethearts, can all realize
their desires in bringing joy and pleasure this Christmas to those they
hold most dear. The savings have been stretched out over the past
yeai and there has been no inconvenience or hardship in laying by the
money. Now, when the money is most needed, the sum is at hand to
bring Christmas cheer to many a home that otherwise would be barren
and joyless. The pleasure that comes to our list of savers this Christ
mas may be yours next season if you will join now in this thrift cam
paign that will give you the most money just when you feel the need
of it most Read below. -
-I.-. .
Early next week hundreds
will receive checks ranging
from 12.50 to $250.00. If you
are not oneof this number,
you may participate next year
by starting now to save. You
will be surprised and pleased
at how easy this plan is.
HAVE MONEY READY FOR NEXT CHRISTMAS
Now is the time to decide that next year you, too, will have
ready cash for Holiday buying. Once you adopt this plan noth
ing could induce you to substitute the added pleasure it brings.
Don't overlook this joy-bringing opportunity.
THE 1921 CLUB IS NOW OPEN. JOIN EARLY
ALL CAN AFFORD A MEMBERSHIP . . .
There is no red tape, no initiation fees, no extra expense. Seven
Classes are provided as little as two cents the first week, or as
much as 2.50, makes you a member. Old and young find it ever
so helpful. It promotes the saving habit and provides money
for a definite purpose.
. JOIN NOW. 1921. CLUB NOW OPEN
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