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About The Alliance herald. (Alliance, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1902-1922 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 26, 1920)
HIE ALLIANCE HERALD. FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 1920. TWO COMMENT & MSCOMMENT A number of estimable SeottsMufT ronrn are on the warpath. They have discovered that a skin lotion can, under certain cond'tinns, Iwvnme a "skin time," and the way they ac quired that knowledge hints exceed ingly. Every little vhile the news papers expose grafts of one sort and another which are worked upon the unsuspecting by sharper and city alickers, but despite repeated warn ings it's always possible - for the smooth-tongued to find suckers. Us ually they pick the men but some time the fair ses fall for their guile. j tho-e infernal words for a utes. a grcut light burst We remember, Ivrk in the days be fore we had attained editorial dig nity, we were work'ng the typeset ting machire in the home ofTice. Be ing the son of the boss, we had the privileges of the front ofTice, and oc casionally, when the beat was poor or the copy shy, we would wander up to the regions where customer were dealt with. On the morning in ques tion, we were toasting our shins atop cold radiator when the door opened and an angular lady of about fifty fivo or sixty entered. The visitor was tall and skinny, and had a voice that reminded on in stinctively of a can-opener. She had hut one redeeming feature her hair was beautiful, a very very few heads of hair can be, especially when they are streaked with gray as was hers. It was a magnificent head of hair, and the homely cut of her jib didn't detract particularly from the radiance with which it Impressed it self upon those who gazed upon her. few min upon u. Why, darn it nil. those weren't abbre viation. They were simply woi'ds spelled backward. Tla became plain, common, every-day "salt," and Xorab, that formidable looking word, was "borax." Yet that infernal old schemer had been felling bottle of stuff that cost her not over fifteen cent at Ave dollar a throw and she had boasted to us that her customers Included three bankers' wives, half a dozen clubwomen and others. She had showed us her sujes oks, with the name written down. With Yankee directness, she talked business immediately. She wanted tome printing clone some bottle la bels for a hair tonic and scalp i.nvig orant that was, so she confided in Bs, simply wonderful in its efl'ect. And looking at that mop of hair, we mentally agreed with her. She ac cepted our price after some attempt to have it reduced, promised to call for the labels at noon, and went out to make up some of this tonic. The demand for it had been something terrific, she assured us. And so, having no further excuse to loaf in the front ofTice, we took that job of labels out to the back ioom and started to put it in type. It was written in an execrable chirog r.tphy, and this is the way it looked to us, as near as we can remember it: 5 oz. Tlas. IG oz. Xorab. 1 fit- Distilled Water. 3 oz. Glycerin. 2 oz. Ado. 3 oz. Grain Alcohol. There may have been a few more Ingredients, but if fo we have forgot ton them. Now in those days we were studying chemistry, and the more we looked at those abbreviations, the more our curiosity was aroused. The handwriting was rotten, and we felt certain that perhaps we hadn't been We to read them correctly. We wanted the printing to be O. K. and we had collected half the price In advance so we put on our hat and ambled down to get a coke and consult with Clark Neir, who kept the drug store next to the corner. We had quite a bit of fun out of it eroturh to pay for the balance of the bill she owed, anyhow. And that eNperience is filed in the fanvly ar chive along the the good-!ooking young girl who sold dad a couple of dollars' worth of that handy "Stick alene," a stick of dried mucilage. All you had to do was to wet it and it could le used any time. Never spilled on the desk never wore out. Handy as a pocket in a shirt. Inside of forty-eight hours it had dried to the consistency of sealing wax, and even hot steam failed to make it loosen up. Even while it was young, it wouldn't stick anything. HERMITS AND HUMBUGS By JESSIE E. SMERWIN And there was the young lady who had a novel scheme of selling per fumery. She didn't try to sell it to women only men. v ifty cents a throw for a one-ounce bottle. She'd bn.ee one man in a crowd of men. He!d turn her down. Then she'd darn him to match her for it. If he won, she'd give him a bottle. If he lost, he'd buy one at fifty cents. They cost about 2 cents each. We saw her mak ing up a fresh supply at the barber shop when we went home to dinner. Of course, no man could refuse to be a sport and decline to gamble with her, especially if he were in a crowd. The ScottsblufT women invested in a recipe for a skin lotion, which Is a variation of the hair tonic game. The Star-Herald describes the modus operandi thusly: "The smooth talking agents, after tossing several bouquets to the lady on whom she was calling proposed the sale of a face lotion recipe, as suredly the finest thing ever offered. Only ten dollars for the recipe, which also carried the sole rights for the preparation and sale of the lotion in Scotts BlufT county. Sold again, doc tor. It was as easy as snatching the proverbial sweetmeat from the also proverbial kid. It worked splendidly and to the satisfaction of all con cerned until a day or so later when a couple of ladies met and in their both talking at once managed to con vey to each other that they had very fortunately had the opportunity of securing the sole agency for a fnce lotion. Then they stopped talking, looked at each, other a moment and then laughed. Investigation brought to light the fact that the suave agent hart disposed or some six or seven "sole rights" in Scotti-blufT, and good ness knows how many may not be re ported, all at ten dollars each. The same thing occurred at Gering, and is presumed at all of the other towns of the valley. ut an sai worn ,or tongue or pen, tnc saddest are these, 'Were vtung again. We confided our troubles to Clark while sipping at the coke, and he got out his glasses anil examined the old girls' formula. Then he shook his head and went over to his copy of the pharmacopeia. We joined him and looked through the T's. There wasn't a single drug that' had the abbreviation Tlas., and yet that was ne of the words that was written comparatively plain. We looked through the X's and Xorab. was a new one on the compiler of that mas sive work. And so was Ados. We finally decided that she had made some error in the spelling, but she was to call at noon, and we rushed back and printed the bottle labels as she had them written. When she came in, however, we mentioned the fact that she had evi dently misspelled the words. She looked at the labels. "No( a bit of it," she said crisply. "They're exact ly right." We ventured to suggest to her that our favorite druggist had not been able to place them. "He's just a simple-minded country phar macist, probably," she said. "He's irot a whole lot to learn abput drugs. And yet he pretends to be able to com- -pound prescriptions. It's an outrage." .We went into details with our custo mer, and explained that in the whole of the pharmacopoeia hot 6ne of her drugs had been located. You see, we wanted to set her right. We didn't want her to continue to spell those names wrong, i - Then6ur customer blew up. She - Upbraided us for being suspicious of her and up unlil that time we hadn't the least suspicion. Honest! She told ua a lot of other things, meant for our own good probably, and after assuring us that she was a lady, she took that package of labels and beat it up the street, declaring that we'd never get another cent of her busi ness, even if she stayed in that town thirty years. Incidentally, she neg lected to pay the remainder of the bill, and we were too dumbfounded by her flying off tho handle to remind her of it. But after she had gone, we picked UD that label we'd sared one for seed. Maybe we hoped we could get it filled, and crow as nice a head of feair as &ha had. And after studying i Stock hogs want?d by the Ne braska Land Company. 103-tf THE LAST STRAW A well-known packing firm is ad vertising a number of brands of can ned meats, among them was humbur- ger steak and onions. It was noted that complying with the pure food iw, the cans containing the hambur ger carry the legend, "With cereal added. Just why it should be neces sary to add oatmeal to hamburger is one of the mysteries of the age. We can forgive the butcher for putting it m sausage; it is so much cheaper than pork, and quite filling, if not so tasty, but in hamburger! Stars and garters! When we figure out what hamburger is made of we marvel that expensive oatmeal should be added. C. M. Jackson in San Francisco Bui letin. TURN OLD CLOTHES INTO CASH Get the best price in the city for used clothing, shoes, trunks, bags, guns, etc. Workman & McLaughlin, Corner Second and Box Butte. 104tf Ala- the SELF-PROTECTION ''You admit, then," said an bama judge, "that you stole hog?" "Ah sure has to, Jedge, said the colored prisoner. "Well, nigger, there's been a lot of hog stealing going on around here lately, and 1 m just going to make an example of you or none of us will be safe." Lawyer and Banker (New Orleans.) Stock hogs wanted by the Ne braska Land Company. 103-tf Mrs. Fred Nelson of Lingle, Wyo., who is at St. Joseph hospital recover ing from a serious operation, is re ported to be doing nicely. See the Fur Man Monday and Tuesday, at IIIghland-HolIoway Co. (Copxriii m, mil). Mrri.ra Nttinn.i I nionl Fufl and cult mine only occasion ally to Hrookton. hut when they did they found a ready high priestess lu the shape of Mis Allre Wade. She was thirty, comely still, and prided herself a the object of adnrati d Severn I widower mid bachelors, but o fur lind Ulsdnined till suitors except Robert Siiniii. "And sli keep rue trifling along." Sluinis told Id sister lluth. "a though we were gninj; to lie young foreveV." "Alice- loves youth and variety mid excitement." lluth reminded Hubert Indulgently.. "She tins plenty of mon ey and enjoy spending It." "Frltterliia it away, you mean. cor rected Sitinns with some asperity. "There wti Unit moon-faced prophet of the stilt, (hut HNtrologlcnl humbug who won her "over as patroness of the occult ll-lit of the tirent Hear, lie managed fo Dwindle her out of a cool tllOIISMllll. 'What Is the trouble now?" Inquired Ituth. "Oh. a new exponent of spiritistic science cnMs himself Professor Abou- kar Hnmnd. lie ha delivered a lec ture on his new theory of soul cul ture, and Alice nnd the society of which she I secretary have gone wild over his economic and social nostrums, Idealisms and llluslvelsins. But Professor Abouknr llamnd lind no Men of departing from the rb li field he had wandered Into. lie pro fessed to have found In these new devotees "mystic mediums," capable. under culture along psychological lines, of aiding him lu his great experiments. "It Is only by segregation that a revelation, from the spirits can ma terialize." he pronounced. "I have dis covered a natural hermit cell over nt the edge of the town, and a week of solitary reverie may fit me to revenl absolute demonstration of ghostly suggestion." The "hermit's cell" proved to be nn abandoned habitation on the lonely summit of Prospect hill known to every resident. It hud been the home, or rather den. of an eccentric old man who lived all to himself. After he died the rumor thnt he was a rich miser lead to the ransacking of the place, but no hidden treasure wn found, although the professor Indi cated that by til magic art the same might come to light. A generous purse was made up for him and a wagonloari of provisions brought to the place by three asso ciate mystics, as he termed them. Some marvelous developments were pledged ly the professor as the result of his Isolation. Ills faithful sponsors looked learned and solemn as they spoke of the week of retirement and reverie to which the professor had sacrificed himself for the. good of the cult. Hubert Slinms went nut of his way to evade passing the Wade home. He railed to his sister every evening against the faddist and declared that all was over between himself and the lady he loved. "Why, those infamous swindlers. I learn, used to travel about the country with a cheap show, playing the clair voyant and mesmerizing fakes to credulous audiences. 1 have found out that the money donated for their reve lation rncket was Invested mostly in liquor ami cigars, and Farmer Albin told me that he drove past the old hermit place last night and the Il lustrious professor and his fellow I scientists were having a regular Jamboree." The special committee of the club that had financed the retirement of the professor was In session in their quarters two nights later, when there was a great commotion In the street outside. Then the doors were burst open. In horrified amazement the ladles shrank hack as the professor reeled Into the room. His nose, always red, was more rubicund than ever; his long hair was matted and In disorder. He was followed by his three devoted assistants, and the quartette fell against one another and engaged In the maudlin chorus of a drinking song as they staggered towards the plat form, - k - rUreat materialization, ladles," pro nounced the erudite professor. "Spirit of Plato fully materialized. I will tiow make my famous address on the divination of spectral entitles." Not here you won't." announced the village marshal, coming forward with several assistants. ."You and your crew are wanted by the police of May- rllle for passing counterfeit money. Peter Potts, alias Professor Aboukar Hamad, your career of glory Is over." Miss Wade rushed from the hall In tears. She fled even rroin ner cumul ated sisters. A crowd outside Jeered and yelled. Some one caught her arm and led her out of the hubbub and commotlou. -Oh Robert," she sobbed, looking v and recognizing her rescuer, -wow can I look respectable people In the face again?" "Look me In the face," directed Rob ert seriously, "and assure me that this Is your final faddist experiment, and I will see that the incident passes Into oblivion." She obeyed him, and so pleading, so penitent was the expression of that tear-stained face that Robert Slmms bent down and kissed it and felt sure that his bride soon to be wss safely cured of her folly. MAKSLAND Mrs. William Tarbutton returned i to her home at Osnge, Wyo., this week after spending a few days here visit- Ing her Fon, Virgil, who attends school i here. j Dr. Rogers, who had intended loent- in Marsland, left Monday morning for j another location after staying here for a week. I The Junior league held a box social and program at the church Saturday evening. The youngster enjoyed themselves and realized a good sum from the sale of the boxes. Mr. Ycung returned to her home in Scottsbluff Thursday afer a short visit with her sons. Mrs. Young, Jr. entertained a few ladies Tuesday afternoon in her honor. Mr. and Mrs. Harry Townley ate moving into the Trussel house this week. Their goods which they have had stored arrived here Tuesday. Wade Curry ha gone to California where he will spend the winter. Frank Black was in Hemingford be tween trains Thursday. S. H. Trussel came home Sunday afernon from a business trip to Kan sas and left again Monday morning for the eastern part of the state. H. A. Huntley left Monday for Sheridan. Wyo., where he expects to locate. Mrs. Holingrake, Mrs. W. Kendrick and Mrs. Snow have all been sick with the grippe the last week. Dayton Sullenburger was in Craw ford on business several days this wek. Mrs. J. M. Tollman entertained the M. E. r'd society last Wednesday afternoon. Miss Helen Brown of Alliance spent Thanksgiving with her friend Mrs. Earl Gregg. Mr. and Mrs. G. C. Alexander left for St. Paul. Nebr., last Thursday after a two weeks' visit with the lat ter's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Steve Ar rents. Fireman Whittier of Alliance visit ed Ernstine McLaughlin over Sunday. Alex Smith who had a hard seige of pneumonia is able to be up and around again RADIUM THE NEW Scientific Surgeon CURES CANCER Also Tumors, Bleeding from the Womb, Tuberculosis of the Skin, Birthmarks, Deforming Scars, Many Types of Ulcers, Etc. WITHOUT THE USE OF THE KNIFE Employed by the Specialists connected with the HOT SPRINGS CLINIC Hot Springs South Dakota Stock hogs wanted by the Ne braska Land Company. 103-tf t . GS FIRST. A visitor at an Irishman's farm in a southwestern state did not find every thing as he deemed it should be. Anomg the first things he said was: "See here, Pat, you keep your pigs too close to the house." "That's just what the doctor told me," said Pat, "but for the life of me I don't see how its going to hurt the pigs." UNIVERSITY OP NEBRASKA SCHOOL OF AGRICULTURE AGRICULTURAL FOUR WEEKS COURSE Monday, January 24. 192i to Friday, February 18, 1921 Students choose from following courses ottered: Live stock judging; live stock management; dairy; crops; pro duction; diseases of animals and plants; horticulture; farm organization; farm accounting. Registration Fee $10.00. Minimum Age 18 Years AUTO-TRACTOR FOUR WEEKS COURSE Opens Monday, November 29. 1920. New class may reg ister every Monday after opening date until March 7 with exception of December 27. v Practical instruction and shop work in repair work and operation of Automobiles and Tractors. . Registration Fee $20.00. Minimum Age 18 Years For further information address PRINCIPAL, SCHOOL OF AGRICULTURE University Farm, Lincoln, Nebraska REAL HUMOR. "I'm putting on a show for the boys from France, and I want something funny. What do you suggest?" "Show them some battle scenes from the war movies produced while they weite away." Life. New Market Prices Show 20 to 50 Reduction, at Highland-IIolloway Co. Curtis Best Flour White and Yellow Cora Meal Graham Flour A fresh car of the above just received. Remember we also carry a full line of Shorts, Bran and Mill Run Bran. Also Rock Springs Lump and Nut Coal. O'Bannon & Neuswanger E MAN A WIS Once Said. v "The average person handles thousands of - dollars every ear which is his own money TEMPORARILY. The trick is to make more of this money stay with you." - If those people who do not have a bank account could be made to realize the satisfaction obtained from knowing just where your finances stand at any minute, there would be no question of their starting one. Let this bank help you form the habit of saving money, more easily thaiv spending it. -A ' THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK Alliance, Nebraska i