THE ALLIANCE HERALD, FRIDAY. NOVEMBER 12. lirao.
Random Shots
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'There was a man in our town ami lie
was wondrous wise. !
lie bucked the church fair gambling
booth and won the gaudiest pi!;
And when he saw what he had won,
he gave one yelp of pain,
Ani hied him to the gambling booth.
and lost it back again. I
." .J,;- American Legion Weekly. ,
They were trying to kid Harry
Gantz the other day. "You were the
head of the democratic campaign in
the county, weren't you?" asked the
tormentor-in-chief. "I was," admitted
Mr. Gantz. "Why didn't you get your
vote out?" persisted the inquisitor.
"We did," Gantz told him, "that's the
reason we lost the county. If the
democrats had stayed at home the re
publican majority wouldn't have been
.half as large."
"News reports intimate that the bond
market is all shot to pieces, but they
are not referring to the market for
bottled-in-bond.
We read, the other day, of a mnn
who bought a theatrical troupe to give
him an excuse to play in the band.
And we know of a barber, in Lin
coln, who never shaved but one cus
'tomer, although he's owned a shop for
twenty-three years. The very first
customer complained that he had
been butchered, and the barber right
then realized that he could never
learn to shave.
0 voting booth.
They can't tell us these fellows
weren't far-sighted enough to know
that some day women would have the
vote.
"Judges of election" is a real t'tle,
in Indiana.
It's more than that it's a privilege.
v( A lot of others know it, but won't
admit it.
Yet barbers are, as a rule, quite
candid.
It's a little hard on us democrats
now, for we have to listen to the
crowing of our victorious friends.
However, it will be March 4 pretty
soon, and within a month after that,
the successful candidate will be in hot
water, and the fellows who are now
hunting a chance to pan a democrat
will go a block out of their way to
avoid meeting one.
Our own explanation of the crush
ing defeat is that all the democrats
voted for Harding and all the repub- j
licans voted for Debs, while the pro-,
hibtionists furnished the vote for the
democratic candidates.
There are a few prohibs left, you
lenow.
Clever work by a professional col
yumnist for a printers' publication:
""A current report says that there were
one million weddings in the United
States last year, but that only 70,000
homes were built. Which leads one ,
to conclude that little Willie will have '
to sleep with pa and ma for a while."
Indiana must be a pleasant state to
live in. The Indiana legislatures cio
not run wild, like they do out west. '
on the statoot books. F'rin.stance,
there's a state law which requires that
eighteen inches of the voter's legs
must show beneath the curtain in the
One would think that Ole Burk was
a bachelor. All the time he keeps
nrinting cynical things like this: "In
the good old days when a man was
injured his best girl could get her
name in the paper by tearing up her
underskirt for bandages. An old
grouch of an editor says there is no
chance for a girl to save a life that
way nowadays."
Mrs. Buck ought to take him in
hand. And if she can't' reform him,
we'll give odds that the Junior Editor
: 1 - . .
The Sidney Telegraph prints an ac
count of the Sidney Alliance football
game that measures over half a col
umn, and there isn't a single mention
of how rough the Alliance boys
played, or a single knock for Coach
Prince. The Sidney football plavers
are sportsmen.
I The newspapers played hob when
j they knocked the non-partisan league.
Dave Bowden is one of the fellows
I who admitted that he didn't vote the
"non-partisan ballot" because he
thought it contained the names of
league candidates only.
Wholl be the next to come clean?
One Alliance man ordered a gallon
of "wineberry" by express, but he re
fuses to put out anything concerning
the sort of a taste it has.
News Notes From Arkansas
Tuesday evening at a meeting of
the Snagtown Educational Society,
Miss Mae Slimbatt read an article on
"Personal Devils." Seventeen were
present.
Charles Ewell went to Little Rock
Saturday with a car of hogs. Several
of the neighbors helped to make up
the car.
Judge Bentz can peel an apple and
keep the peeling all in one piece.
Judge Bentz of Bull Frog township
reports that they arc so dry out there
they have to pin their postage stamps
on their letters.
Today's Best Story.
He owned a bicycle this colored
man and a passing wayfarer, see
ing it leeaning up against the fence,
ottered Sam a dollar if he would let
him, the stranger, ride the wheel to
town, adding: "I will leave it on
the steps of the grocery store, where
you can get it."
Sam took the dollar and turned
over the bicycle.
When, later in the day, Sam went
to look for his machine it was not
.h-e nor could it be found at all.
Sam uttered great grief in loud and
various languages.
Then somebody said to him: "Didn't
you know better than to turn your
wheel over to a perfect stranger that
way?"
He replied: "How did I know he was
a nerfect fllrnnp-fr?"
- - r - - -
Here's a little test of the way you
keep up with the day's news: Who
is the "unslnkable Mrs. Brown"?
From Omaha comes a story of a
bootleg manufacturer who set up a
still in the middle of a farmer's corn
patch and hnd used up nearly an acre
of corn before the farmer found it
out. The story doesn't say whether
the farmer was very, very angry or
whether he wept on the marauder's
neck.
T f DAAm S 111! (Ln It. maum
i r- ma vv us tliafc wic lit? V. fftt Pclp
' . 1 1 I 1 . n . . .
miuuiu oe more careiui 10 print ail
the important details.
PERSONALS
Jay H. Vance of the post office
was in Lincoln, Thursday attending a
reunion of the 355th Infantry regi
ment of the Eighty-ninth division, in
connection with the Armistice day ce
ebration. . .
Mrs. W. M Cotant will leave Frida'
night for Htt Springs, where she wil
make her hfime.
Mrs. Ed Brennan and Mrs, Tiflgle
went to Denver Thursday.
R. C. Parkins was in the City Wed
nesday from his ranch, thirty miles
northeast of town, transacting busi
ness.
U K. Hampson was in Alliance
transacting business Wednesday.
George Williams of this city went to
Crawford Thursday for a few days
visit with friends.
Sidney Wrightman and wife went
to Ravenna Thursday
C. M. Beever of Denver went on to
Chicago after spending a few ilavs
on business here. .
Mrs. Routh from the east is visit
ing with her son, E. L. Routh,
A Word. To The
Wise
Watc hyour storage bat
teries these cold days. See
that they are at least fair
ly well charged or a freeze
will ruin them. We re
charge and repair batteries
and always have a rental
battery ready for you while
yours is being pepped up
or, if you are laying your
car up for the winter, we
will be glad to call for the
battery and store it for you.
Alliance Tire
Wcrks
Times BIdg.
Are You Planning
With a Vision
A Word For Business Men
Are you looking ahead, planning for the future of your business with tk
vision of its possibilities T
Are you going to be ready for the years of prosperity which are coming
after the period of war readjustments is over?
Let us help you solve your business and financial problems. Through the
accumulated experience of years, our officers are especially well fitted to give
you expert counsel. Your problems arc their problems, and they always wel
come a conference in your interests.
This Dank has been serving for many years in the interests of the people
of this community. Its banking service is complete in every detail. There
isn't any financial transaction that cannot be handled through this Bank or its
affiliated institutions.
THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK
ALLIANCE, NEBRASKA
PT.ARSIFY
Imperial Theatre
Seven Big Nights
Beginning
14
Sunday, November
The Always Good
Chase-Lister Theatre Co.
tat
Change of Play Every Night
Our Own Orchestra
Our Own New Vaudeville
Our Own Special Scenery
Sunday Night
ERNEST WILKES' Great Play
"BROKEN
THREADS
99
Broken Threads United Are Better Than Knots Untied
Special Friday Night
Cappy Ricks"
Only One Chase-Lister Matinee Saturday at 2:30 P. M.
TEMPTATION PRICES-35, 55, and 85 Cents
Prices Down
Quality Stays Up
And we will maintain this policy of giving our customers the
BEST IN QUALITY at the LOWEST POSSIBLE PRICE. We can
do this because OUR OPERATING EXPENSES ARE LOW.
Closing Out
Sale
Of all Fall and Winter Suits of Trico
tine, Serges, Twills and Mixtures- of
approved styles and shades. None Re-served-ALL
AT COST
Radical Reduction
of 25to33Off
On all Winter Coats, offering some of
the greatest values that have been
shown here for several years.
LARGE WOOL SCARFS
A large assortment of fine, soft Wool
Scarfs in beautiful colorings, with or
without belt and pockets very special.
$8.80 to $13.20
Vi Price &
Millinery
For Women and Children, showing a
large assortment of the latest models in
a wide range of shades and materials.
Our entire stock of Hats is now on sale
at Vi PRICE regardless of original cost
or market value.
Vi PRICE
25 to 33 1-3
Discount on Dresses
Discount on Dresses of Tricotine, Serge,
Twill, Jersey, Georgette, Charmeuse,
Crepe de Chine, Taffeta and Satins.
Waterloo House Dresses and Bungalow
Aprons at Reduced Prices.
NEW GOODS. NO SHOP WORN STUFF
BigMaod-Holloway Co,
FIVE
