Till; ALLIANCE HERALD, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1920
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Most Modern Shining Parlor in Alliance for Ladies and Gentlemen
Ladies Shoes Dyed In connection with 164 Cleaners. 217 Box Butte
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Random Shots
Attention, thoio who would solve
the cryilog,rain: Wr'to the sentence
out carefully on a RTiert of paior,
prrfernbly a cl"ta h. ft. For the
first Utter, taki the letter coming
Just before It In the nlphabct; for
the second letter, take the one Just
rter It; for the third, the letter be
fore and no on. Thus, the first
word, "Bid," becomes "the"; the
necond word, "sddhqd," turns out to
bo "recipe." Htlp yourself to the
rest of it.
Outside of the movies, have you
ever heard of the poor but brave
number who wins the Knlrest Girl
In the World In competition with a
lot of moneyed Lounge Lizards, who
can give her all t)ft Little Luxuries
of Life?
Darn theso headline writers, any
way. The Crawford Tribune carries
a big front-page story wllh "Gypsy
Steals Rahy" over It In black type.
After reading the blasted thing, we
found the last sentence read this
way: "Total of twenty-five persons
In cast and chorus."
The general meeting of the Amer
ican chemical society Is having a gny
time listening to papers dealing with
new ways to make gasoline. Three
years ago, this sort of a subject
would have held popular Interest
and received popular approval. Now
the home guard Is Interested in
.cooking up something else with a
kick.
This renewed activity among the
automobile thieves leads us to sus
pect that there isn't ns much money
In highjacking these days, with de
creasing cellar stocks and every
thing. Trlvate distilleries are said to be
Increasing at the rate of fifteen
thousand per week in the United
States. If this is (he case, the fed
eral offlcers will have to begin hunt-
Inir fnr ihn nffnnj.. .
-o - - ... vuriiurig, IIU IlOl lay
low until the city and county offlcers
U UUUI,
Siuirp Advance
According to latest reports old
high cost has reached darkest Africa.
The price of a slxteen-hand, well
marked, coal black wife has gone up
from four to si spearheads. Fort
Morgan (Colo.) Herald.
One of the boys at the club was
complaining that he was feeling
punk. ' I've had a headache for four
dns straight," he wailed. "Fine
is there any It ft?" was all the sym
pathy he got.
As a writer, we have our litfle
faults and weaknesses, but there Is
one thing for which we deserve
credit: In all our attempts at humor,
we have n'ver been driven to write
comic poetry. Much can be forgiven
us for this omission.
To1h)'h lWt Story
When the lady next door called to
complain that Tommy had been per
secuting her pet cat she found the
boy on the front steps.
"I want to see your father," Fhe
demanded.
"I'm afraid you can't see pa now,"
the boy replied respectfully.
"I Intend to see him instantly,"
the lady insisted in a loud voice.
"Well, all right," the little fellow
agreed, opening the front door.
"Walk right upstairs. You'll find
pa in the bathroom takin' a bath."
What will the street corner loaf
ers do for a place to sit down when
the paving gang gets the brick laid?
Probably they'll move off the side
walk onto the curb and let their feet
hand over.
Someone was asking Chief Iteed
how he happened to discover that the
bootleggers' automobile contained
that keg of whisky. The chief had
denied that his sense of smell fur
nished the clue. "No," he said, "I
didn't smell it. It came as a result
of my boyhood training. When I
was a kid my father and I used to
do a good deal of bee hunting. We'd
sit down in the shade somewhere and
watch for a bee. He'd light near us,
and then finally circle up Into the
air. ' We would follow him, and come
upon a bee tree. Well, the after
noon that the bootleg car was dis
covered, I noticed that the bees were
pretty thick around the police sta
tion. And every one of them head
ed west when they flew away. All
I had to do was to follow them."
A fragment from Epictetus: "It
is better to offend seldom, owning It
when we do, and act often wisely,
than to say we seldom err, and ofT'nd
frequently."
t I
-A gray-haired railroader shuffled
into The Herald office the other
morning. "Say," he b?gan abrupt
ly, "Is it true that you can buy
whisky In Canada?" We told him
that to tne best of our knowledge
and belief this was the case. "At
Windsor, Canada?" he asked. We
paid that we had hoard of no saloons
being closed at Windsor. "KUht
over the bar, Just like we us 1 to
here " he persisted. We gave our
impression of the way Canadian
saloons were conducted. He count' d
the money In his pocket. "With the
money I've won betting on this," he
said, "I'll have enough to make it."
If we gave this brother a bum
steer, please put us hep to the fiicts
so we can hide out on his return. If
what we told him la right, the
chances are that he'll never return.
We understand there are railroads in
Canada.
otir compet's column Is becoming
quite clever at repartediousnesB.
If the last Is a sample of his best,
we begin to understand how the big
city daily managed to spare him
without puspenaing publication.
We might add, although it prob
ably Isn't necessary, that the said T.
C. S. grad. deserves a suit of em
broidered pajamas for his little
burst of wit.
It Is related that, in his old nrp
Jack the Giant Killer was satisfied
to sit by the fireside and dream of
his conquests, lie became quite
reconciled, in time, to a diet of mush
and milk.
A Casper couple were married by
Judge Tash last week. The bride
was accompanied by her little daugh
ter, Violet, who was much Interested
in the proceeulngs. The arrange
ment of seats in the court room evi
dently reminded her of Sunday
school, for she sidled up to her
mother and whispered: "Mother,
who do we give the pennies to?"
In our mail the other day, we re
ceived a little celluloid button con
taining the following 'Inscription:
Harding and
Coolidge
SMILE
We did. If the button bad read
this way we would likewise have
obeyed instructions;
Harding and '
Coolidge
LAUGH
The meek and lowly nicktl Is com
ing to Its own. You can now get a
potato for It If iho tuber Is not too
large.
Speaking of music, the song of th
binder Is sweeter to many ears than
the best or worst any Jazz orchestra
can do.
CJirts wanted, Alliance Steam
Ijfuimlry, 30c ier hour. 80tf
Totatoes may be high, and they
are, but we balk on -substituting
tpiniach for the tuber,
enough.
Knough la
"I beleive In a living wage for the
man who thinks," says a politician.
Some men ought to go to Jail for
what they think.
Girls wanted, Alliance Steam
IjuiiikIi'), 80c er hour HOtf
RADIUM
THE NEW
Scientific Surgeon
CURES CANCER
Also TumorR, Bleeding from the Womb, Tuberculosis of
the Skin, Birthmarks, Deforming Scars, Many Types of
Ulcers Etc.
WITHOUT THE USE OF THE KNIFE
Employed by the Specialists connected with the
HOT SPRINGS CLINIC
Hot Springs South Dakota
THE UNIVERSAL CAR
These buttons are put out by the
American Protection Society. They
want 5 cents apiece for 'em, and re
quest us to advertise theni free. Glad
to oblige. This society is working
for the protection by tariff of Infant
profiteers.
The correspondence school gradu
ate who now does the conducting of
The Monarch
vi v w 3r iTx
To the business man, retail or wholesale; to the manufacturer; to the commis
sion man; to the trucking company, the Ford Model T One Ton Truck makes
an irresistible appeal because it has in its chassis all the merits of the original
Ford car; the wonderful Ford Model T Motor, the dependable Vanadium steel
chassis, and the manganese bronze worm-drive. A strongly built truck that
serves satisfactorily and lasts in service If these statements were not true,
the demand for Ford Trucks wouldn't be so constantly on the increase. We
will be pleased to take your order for one or more Ford Trucks, will see that you
get reasonably prompt delivery, and will give you an after service that insures
the constant service of the Truck. But don't wait too long. Get your order
in promptly.
Malleable Ramse
The
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Range
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The
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Coursey & Miller
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Investigate This Range
None better and the price is
the lowest
GEORGE D. DARLING
Furniture and
Housef urnishings
What Will You Do With
YOUR BACK PAY
ncctiviNO
When Your Check Comes In?
Many Railroad Man will soon receive very substantial amounts of money as back pay
from the Burlington. Have you 'considered the wisest thing to do with this money t
Perhaps you have long wanted something that you never before thought you could af
ford. Perhaps you have already permitted yourself the pleasure of selecting the desired
article.
"What Will This Purchase Pay Me?"
. Will your expenditure be an ASSET or a LIABILITY! Will is COST YOU MONEY or
HT ATTR YOU MONEY t These are the questions you should ask yourself before letting your
back pay go.
It is 1 very satisfying feeling to collect money that comes to you simply by possessing
other money. That's the secret of present-day success.
Make Your Money Work For You
If you commence the habit of working your funds for your gain NOW, you need never
worry about your old age when you can no longer work for yourself.
Start a good thing by bringing your Back Pay to us and placing it in a SAVINGS
ACCOUNT. We will pay you 5 interest, and the principal is absolutely safe. Do yourself
the justice to talk this thing over with our -officers before you make a decision.
FIRST NATIONAL BANK
Alliance, Nebraska
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Alliance,
Nebraska
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