THE ALLIANCE HERALD, riMPAV, APRIL 2), 1020.
Random Shots
Oct a receipt.
Our barber tills us (hat he alwnys
carries his "banquet razor" in his
vest pocket. .
In the early days, thry slipped 'em
In the boot.
Easy access Is one requirement of
a banquet razor.
At last Sunday's fire, some liberal
brother passed around a bottle which
looked as though It contained red 11
quor. Turned out to be Jamaica gin
ger. One of the fire-fighters say that
lie still tastes pepper.
You see, he was afraid the bottle
wouldn't last all the way round, and
he took his while there was some
thing to take.
The time to take pie, as Judge
Stark used to say, Is when pie Is pass
ing. Following that advlco has ruined
many a good digestion.
Stolen from one of them City pa
pers: Charles M. Schwab tolls us
to laugh at present-day troubles, so
Let's take our cue from Charlie
Schwab.
And Join the chuckling, laughing
mob
Ha! Ha! Bread's up another cent!
Ho! Ho! The landlord's raised the
rent;
Hee! Hee! We'll soon be in a tent.
Ha Ha! Haw Haw! Hee Hee!
Our coal's to cost a fearful price.
Ha! Ha!
We'll pay a whole lot more for ice.
Haw! Haw!
And higher taxes ain't that nice?
.Hee! Hee!
Now don't say things will cost still
more,
(We got the giggles once before)
We'd have hysterics kick the floor.
Tee, hee! Har Har! WOW WOW!
!lng to the lack of space and rush of
the Herald's prize contest, several
I births and 1 h w.ll bj postponed
until next week."
I Hint to t! e L'.Ph rrho 1 trrrk
team, taken Irom the Michigan City
N".s: "Th? locr.l bjketbiill team
will wear their new s.ilrts on Friday
night. The trousers have not yei
arrived."
One ct these sweet young things
was crossing a muddy street yester
day. She swayed first to one side,
thui to the other Flipped righted
herself Just in time and finally
made it. Saf3 on the other side Fhe
stopped to rest. A middle aged
woman, who had watchi-d the per
formance, spoke up: "Now I can
team to dance the shimmy "
Business dragged us on, however,
r.nd we didn't stay to watch.
Business is sometimes a pest.
We were unjust to Dave.
Now, that women are in politics,
Gcan look for a big change around
polls.
It's already beginning to appear.
Over in Second ward, they swatted
"Boas" Harper by refusing to count
a raft of ballots.
No X's on em.
Women know a love letter isn't
genuine unless there is at least one
X at the bottom of it.
Harp's favorite poem, so we un
derstand, reads this way:
Twas ever thus, since childhood's
earliest hour,
I've seen my fondest hopes decay;
I never loved a bird or flower,
But what it died or flew away.
We're glad we're not in politics.
N
ueui iTtuu the Lusk Herald: "Ow-
lt appears that they were willing
'.o be photographed.
Even anxious. '
Ain't women peculiar?
Geologic hint: "Petroleum occurs
in pools or reservoirs of economic im
portance, as the result of processes
which operate under certain condi
tions upon the surface and within
the lithosphere of the earth."
Wonder If Equity understands
that?
We dug it up from publicity dope
of a geologist who wants to discour
age drilling until geologists have
passed upon hte strata.
In other words, he wants to be
hired."
We don't blame him.
EACH UHIDHUKOOM KNOWS
That he won't be able to find the
wedding ring at the fatal moment.
That all his bachelor friends are
Wt Grind Our Own Unset
Your Eyes do More
Than Earn Your
Living
Your happiness, comfort, and
pleasure cannot be complete
without good vision.
B. G. Bauman, O. D.
Opera House Block.
nlly shaking their heads and saying
"Anoth-r good man gone "
TI.V. a!l the v.-oxen in the ccnere
gstlon will wonder what on earth it
i ihiit the bride tees in him.
That It would be an immense re
lief to 'lope Instead of going through
h fuss and flurry of the church
wedding.
That his pal has tooo much of a
smile tn Lis face and is sure to play
some sort of a trick before the cere
mony Is over with.
That, though the bride's father has
protested vehemently that he doesn't
want to give up his little girl, he still
seems remarkably happy over the
fact that she is getting married.
That while the fact remains that he
Isn't marrying the whole family the
whole bunch has laid out a schedule
of vllsits they are going to pay him
during the next few months.
That his hands will look as big as
the broadsides of a barn during the
ceremony and that It is a confounded
shame that it isn't permissible to
hide them in his trousers' pocket's.
That if the bride's mischievous
little brother pulls off any of his
WATCHES
for Graduates
When a boy or a girl gradu
ates is the day to give him
or her a good watch. It has
been earned by hard work
And the time has come when
the young' person really
should have a handsome, de
pendable watch.
When you buy it at Thiele's
you look out for the child's
and your own best interest.
You secure a standard, dur
able, accurate movement in
a beautiful, finely made and
finished case a timepiece
that honors the owner, at a
price that safeguards your
pocketbook.
Bracelet Watches . $20 to$50
Boys Watches $850 to $50
Thiele's
Jewelry Watches Drugs
Brunswick Phonographs
Watch Inspectors 0., B. & Q.
puuuaanc
3 C
RED
3 CROWN c
3 CASOUNE c
IttANiuuiD u, caiumnr
J OMMUk fc
3 E
innnwnnr
Jlhuaijs the Same
Clean-burning, hard-hitting, power
full Red Crown Gasoline is always
the same uniformly good from the
first drop to the last.
Red Crown vaporizes readily ignites
instantlybums up completely. It
means quick starts; prompt, smooth
acceleration and plenty of power and
punch for high speeds and the hills.
Standardize on Red Crown Gasoline
every gallon mile-packed every
gallon the same.
Polarine, the correct lubricant for
every car, keeps the motor young and
powerful.
Fill up at the sign of the Red Crown.
STANDARD OIL GO.
(NEBRASKA)
OMAHA
RED CROWN GASOLINE
so-called "cue little tricks" during
the ceremony it w"l be with extreme
difficulty thnt he will restrain him
self from upendlr.g little brother and
giving lil.n u rpl nlli little pafdling.
rrodu.ers of woolen materials
have assured the New York fair
price commissioner that the supply
is becoming normal and decided re
ductions In the price or clothes are
certain. However, the customer will
be expected to believe the sing-song
of the salesman, "The next lot will
be higher."
HOT SPRINGS GLINIC
MEDICAL AND SURGICAL SOCIALISTS
Internal MedicirwN Surgery, Eye Ear Nos( &3hront
Kidncti & Bladder. X Raii Modern Laboratory
TWoSplendil Hospitals Medical Block I
ISV" -vS9J SPRINGS SOUTH DAKOTA ,
t IftfeaUa; Me national Health ro'Tjk
. JJ. -XI
nrrr
visit the
Beauty Parlor
at McVicker's
The Beauty Parlors have been reopened at McVickers. Vc wish to announce that we
have secured the services of an expert in this line, -who comes here to take charge of this
department. We take pleasure and anticipate our ability to render the highest satisfaction
in every phase of beauty culture through the servises of Miss Marion Lawson, of Chicago
Our Parlors are
Now Open to Pubic
LATEST MODES OF HAIR DRESSING
Many are enthusiastic about the satisfactory results obtained from the use of "Neos
Henne" it restores the hair to iU natural color.
MASSAGE
CHILDREN'S HAIR BOBS
MANICURING
for Ladies and Gentlemen
SCALP AND FACIAL
TREATMENT
McVicker's Beauty Parlor
216 BOX BUTTE AVENUE
SUMMER HATS
mm
MM ;
for Summer Wean
We'll Be Looking for You
Next Week
Some there are of FLEXIBLE
STRAWS, sashed in Satin Ribbons.
As to shape, this varies from Broad
Brimmed Nats, English in type, to
little affairs vith soft crowns and pli
able brims.
Complete Line of NeW Sailors
AVaJm llfi&M) Complete Line of NeW Sailors
Kf; McVicker's
T' 1 STYLE PLUS QUALITY -Jgj