TWO
THE ALLIANCE HERALD. TUESDAY, JANUARY 20, 1920.
I
Comment-and
Discomment
We heard the other day of & Rood
Alliance cltlien who unintentionally
got Into the bad graces of a lady
friend. She misconstrued what he
meant as a harmless remark. He
acked up and started all over a pain
And she got madder than before.
Whereupon he "went 'way back to
taw and started all over for the third
time, and when he had finished she
threatened to call her husband.
JJow the Alliance citizen says that
fcereafter he may make a bad break
In conversation occasionally, without
meaning to, but that If he does he's
Imply going to let it go at that. De
tailed explanations are taboo.
Which reminds us of one told us
by Rufe Jones, down In his den at
the Community club headquarters
yesterday. Rufe says a negro
preacher down In south Georgia,
where he Rufe lives, was berating
tils congregation about sis In general
and concerning chicken thefts In par
ticular. "For lnstnnts," said the
preacher, "I sees a-setttn' before me
In dls here congregation at dls time
twelve chicken thieves, Includin'
Brother Uastus Johnson." After the
Lservlces, Drother Johnson Inter
viewed his pastor, out back or tue
church, and informed him that if he
did not retract his statement at the
services that same evening he would
proceed to maul the living daylight
out of him. And at the evening
services the pastor retracted thusly:
"Hrethern and slstercn, dls mawnln'
I said dat I seed a-setttn' In dls here
congregation twelve chicken thieves,
includin' Drother Rastua Johnson.
Pat was a error on my part. What 1
Intended to say was dat I seed a-set-tln'
before me eleven chicken thieves,
not Includin' Brother Rastue Johnson!"
Down In Georgia, according to
Itufe, almost every big plantation has
among 11s negro farm hands a negro
preacher. The white man owning
the place usually provides a small
frame structure as a church. The
negroes pay their own preacher, his
pay arising solely from the proceeds
of the . Sunday morning collections.
One day the white boss In this par
ticular case said to the negro
preacher on his place, "John, how
much pay did you get last month
for your preaching?" The ebony sky
pilot went through the process of a
rapid mental calculation before he
replied, "I got three dollars and ten
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cents, cap'n." The white man
laughed. "That's damn poor pay
for a preacher, John, to be perfectly
frank with you," and John, not to be
outdone In frankness, replied, "Yes,
but you see I Is a damn poor
preacher!"
Rufe knows a lit of good stories
and some day we are going to rope
him to a chair and make him tell 'em
slow so we can write the mdown.
Here's one that he tells:
In a certain county In New Mexico
there were only two democrats, a
bright young city lawyer and a rube
who lived away out In the mountain
fastnesses. Just before election
times the lawyer always hitched up
his Ford, hunted the rube up and
Instructed him how to vote. At the
time Rufe tells about the lawyer had
hied himself to the mountain shanty
of his lone fellow democrat and had
said to him, "Sam, I came to tell
you that I want you to vote for Judge
Alton B. Tarker." Sam was non
plussed. "Who nell Is he?" he In
quired. "He's the gentleman we
democrats are running for president
of the United States." vauchsafed
the lawyer. "Well, I'll tell yo urlght
now I alnt a-gwlne to do not sich
thing," Sam replied very firmly.
"Why not?" demanded the puzzled
lawyer. " 'Cause you're glttln' too
durned finicky, that how cum," said
Sam. "You come out here twice and
tol me to vote fer Willum Jenkins
Brine. I done it both times. He's
made us a powerful fine president for
eight years and I'm a-gwine to vote
fer him agin!" .
When twenty-nine gamblers were
arraigned In men's night court, says
an Associated Press dispatch, they
undertook to explain their loud talk
ing Just before their joint was raid
ed. "We were praying," they told
the court. All of which may be the
very essence or maybe even the
quintessence of truth. We hark
back to the good old days when we,
even we, have heard 'em pray under
similar circumstances. Devout sup
plications have been rendered In our
presence, aimed directly at Little oe
and Big Dick. "Oh, you six; please,
little six; come on, now, Mister Six,"
et cetera ad Infinitum ad nauseam
nux vomica. You know!
Here is the newest "History of
BoBton," and from what we know of
the city of the Bean-Eaters, we'll bet
they don't appreciate its humor. It
comes from the pen of Harry Earn
shaw, who is a right smart house or
ganist, even though he may cause the
Boylston street denizens to shudder
at his lafck of reverence for the sa
cred Washington Elm. There's
three or four good laughs In It, and
we'll wager that you get every one
of them:
"Since I landed In Boston I've
been running Into graveyards, old
buildings, tablets,' memorials, monu
ments, souvenirs, etc., and they cer
tainly do look genuine. Around
Boston anything later than 1721 is
so freBh you have to be careful and
not get too near it or you will get
paint on your pants. It begins to
seem as if there might be some truth
In this history stuff after all.
"This country was discovered in
1429 by Sebastian and John Cabot
Lodge, Spanish Americans,, who
sailed from Genoa, Spain, with Queen
William and" Mary. Their object was
to discover a northwest pftmge" to
India No. 74 India, no doubt. If
they had asked me, I could have told'
them exactly how to get there. You
go to a subway sUtion. you g0 down
stairs, and the Cross-eyed guard tells
you til go upstairs again and go down
on the other side. You do this, and
take a car. After a while you get
off. No matter whore you get off.
it will be the wrong place. You get
on again. Nd tu&tter what car you
get en it Will be the wrong car.
YeU get off at Winter Street. You
can tell it is Winter Street, because
the sign says 'Summer' In one place
and 'Washington' In another.
would have been a gold mine for
them, because he was always having
his picture taken.
"Paul Revere, another famous
man, was the greatest Jockey of his
time. His bouse still stands; also
his record.
"Boston is the place where they
have the famous Common. The
Common, I find, is made out of
ground. They claim the ground Is
the same ground that was there when
the Puritans grounded.
"These Puritans, they claim, were
people who wore tall, peaked hats
and funny collars. They were trad
ers. They could trade the socks
right off your feet without taking off
your shoes, and then spend the rest
of the day worshipping Ood with
great freedom. There are many
descendants of the Puritans living In
Boston today.
"This Is really all that I can recall
about history, and I consider it a
pretty good outline. I have marked
myself 90."
The wets in congress who voted
dry are badly disappointed in the su
preme court. Washington Post.
Prices are teetotalers. They will
not take a drop. Greenville (S. C.)
Piedmont.
"The day I landed In Boston I put
some money in the National Shaw-
mut Bank, and it was thirty days
before I could find the darned place
again, and I almost starved to death.
"John Cabot Lodge was called 'A
Merry Cuss,' because he was such a
great kidder, hence the name 'American.
"He founded the Colony of Ply
mouth Rock in Massachusetts, thus
starting the first chicken farm In the
United States.
"John Wlnthrop. Jr., In 1537, sold
Manhattan Island, now owned by
Tammany Hall, to Peter Minuit for
25, and he had a wooden leg. Peter
Mlnult later turned it over to the
Duke of York that is, not the leg.
but the island. It Is to this famous
man that we . owe our well'known
Duke's Mixture.
"Later on the French had trouble
with the Swedes under Montezuma,
in Florida. The Swedes are always
starting something. The llugenots
cleaned up the colony.
"The Seminole Rebellion, other
wise known as King Philip's War
took place in 1801, betwe?u Mont
calm and Pocahontas (the latter so
named because of the coal that was
found near his home).
"Philadelphia was laid out bu the
Quakers, and it stayed dead until
George Horace Lorimer arrived
there. '
"George Washington' was the
Father of his Country. If there had
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