THE ALLIANCE HERALD, APRIL 25, 1918
I
I
Lloyd's Column
O. 8 Hrunh, the Alliance milkmsn,
tells thin story:
A lady c imiplitincd to lur milkman
.if the qaalltj f milk ho sold tQ lie.
Well, iiiuin." ciilil tli milkman,
'the row." don't 11 SaSSf! ktrass f i
ihi time n" vear. Why them cows
are Just us MMrTf SbOUl It tin I am. I
Whm MM iiyin' regular rryln',
mum because they feel as how tln-ir
milk don't do 'tn Crsdlt Don't you
believe H. mum "
oh. sa, i sal ' " M ." raapoBdad
customer. 1 hut I wish In future
you'd see that th If don't lro their
tours Into our can."
Mojt rolnmn
A Sioux county farmer, who was
Iho father of twclw children, hud
rocked BSCD ono in the Mtll cradle
by iho MOM great too Ho was rock
ing iho MWHl arrival ono evening
v In n his wife remarked
' John, that rradlo Is noarly worn
out; It's so rickety I'm afraid it will
fall to pieces."
"It Is ahout usod Bp," replied hoi
Inishand. Thon. handinu hor tt dol
lars, ho said "The noxt UOM you no
to town not a WW OM, a good ono,
one that will last."
Lloyd'. nlnmn
"Ma wants a package of dyo and
jhe wants a fashionable color." said
n IlttlC Kill tO an Alliance druggist
along about Kastoi timo this spring.
"A fashionable color'"' och I tho
druggist. "Whal docs she want It
for: eggs or idothos?"
"Well." replied tho irt, "tho doc
otr says mi has stomach trouble and
who ought to dioi And mo says if she
has to dyo it sho might as well dye It
a fashionable color."
I.Io.wI'k rnluinn
A lady CfOMiBI from Detroit to
Windsor was naked by the customs
officer if she had anything dutiable.
She assured him that she had Wthlng
but wenrlng apparel in her trunks
but at the bottom of tho largest one,
which to him seemed the DIOSl sus
picious, were found twelve bOtllOS of
whiskey. "Madam," said the Officer,
sarcastically, "do you call these wear
ing apparel?" "Certainly." lb re
plied sweetly. "Those are my hus
band's nightcaps."
IJoyd's Column
The hereoism of Franco lias made
the French language popular. On
this head there Is a story Illustrating
the tact of M. .lussorand, the French
ambassador. A senator at a lunch
eon said to M. .lussorand: "Take--
r eska voo voo-ly I moan er-passy-moi
sill voo play -er " II
.lusstrlund laid his hand on the sen
ator'a shoulder ami in tits excellent
llaillkb said: "My dear sir. my v?ry
ler sn pleaae stop speak in', French
Your accent la so Parisian toa. pos
itively, it makes me homes'K "
l.lud' ulumw
'.Vlion Col m d House w.n lent h.v
Prvlldont Wili-on rn a m - en to ler
li.i romc little time befo-o V c . i.n
tr declared war he took wii i t.rn
bis Wife, who p. as witty as VI Is tr.r.
1 yen tkCB th feeling in e'rmany
against America was very bitter, and
one day at a reception tli wile of a
Hun official said to her. 1 Oertuany
will win this war. Then lot America
look out." "How will German) win?"
said Mrs. House, quite calmly. "With
her submarines with her Zeppelins,
and, above all, with perseverance.
Perseverance, madam, always in the
long run achieves its object." "Not
always. I once owned a hen that jH-r-erved
in sitting on a china egg."
L.lo4'a Column
A bashful young couple, who wor-
evidently very much in love, climbed
Into the Drake hotel bus ono day last
week. Tho bus was crowded.
"Do you suppose we can squeeze in
here?" he asked, looking doubtfully
at her blushing face.
"Don't you think, dear, wo had bet
ter wait until we get homo?" was her
low, embarrassed reply.
Lloyd's Oataaaa
I wo women who were strangers to
each other, met at a reception in Al
liance not long ago. After a few mo
ment's desultory talk the first said
rather querulously
I don t know what s the matter
with that good looking gentleman
over there. He was so attentive
wmie ago, out ne wont look at me
now."
"Perhaps, said the other, "he saw
me come in. He's my husband."
Lloyd's Column
Archbishop liagee, of Now York
after staying at a hotel, had an ex
tortionate bill presented to him bv
his host, who, after receiving pay
ment, solicitously Inquired if his lord
ship had enjoyed the change and rest.
"No, 1 have had neither." replied the
archbishop. "The waiter had the
change, and you've got the reat."
Lloyd's Column
A woman enteivd a photogra
pher' gallery. "Do you take pictures
of children?" she risked.
"Yes," was the reply.
"How much are they, pleaae?"
' Three dollars a doien," fiaid the
proprietor.
"Well," she replied with a slgt , f
ah&ll have to wait and come again.
I have only eleven."
Lloyd's Column
An editor had a notice stuck up
above his desk on which was printed:
"Accuracy! Accuracy! Accuracy!"
and this notice be always pointed out
to tl e new reporters.
One day the youngest member of
the staff came In with his report of
I public mooting. The editor road it
through and e: me to the sentence
fkrot thousand nine bunded and
ninety-nine eyes wcr.' fixed upon tho
ipet ker."
"What dO you moan by niAking a
silly blunder like that?" he demand
ed wrathful ty.
"Hut it's not a blunder." protested
he youngster "There was a DM
yed man In the audience'" -MIlM
ipolis Tribune
Lloyd's oliiinn
A Hrltlsh lea'her seller sent his bill
to a shoemaker who owned him some
noney. One day tiie shoemaker was
passing the shop. Tho man ran out
Hid asked him if ho had the hill Said
tht .hoe maker:
"i do all my business in parliament
try stylo When I received your bill
1 gave it the first reading In another
foi till L' lit I Will L'lve it the second
reading, and very probably will throw
it out altogether."
Lloyd's t 'olumn
A Washington man in motoring
thru Virginia stopped one day at a
toil brldgs Me had often passed over
ami found there was a lieu- keener
in charge.
"Where's the man who used to act
is keeper hero?" asked the motorist
"He's dead, sir." was the reply.
'Dead? Poor follow ' Joined tho
great majority, eh?"
"Well." said the man cautiously,
"I wouldn't like to say that, sir. Ho
was a good enough man so far as I
know."
Lloyd's Column
A couple of tourist driving in tho
picturesque hills of Santa Barbara dc-
idod lo lake a short cut to the ocean
front, but were not quite sure of the
road The only human visible being
a ragged lad sunning himself in the
dust at Iho side of tho road, the driv
er addn teed htm, "Say, boy, how do
vou reach the ocean from hero?"
Whereupon the boy without batting
in eyelash, gravely responded: "Well,
which ocean do you want to go to?"
Lloyd's Column
Tho Judge's a-year-old son, John,
bad been naughty when his parents
were having company and had re
proved. That night when his mother
wenl up to hear John say his prayer
she suggested that ho ask Ood to
each his parents how to bring him
uii properly. John was quite penitent
and prayed humbly:
"Please. Ood. teach mother how
io make mo a good boy " Ho paused
for ii moment, then added thoughtful
ly: 'And father, too. If you can do
inything with him."
Lloyd's Column
IMPROVED UlfirOlM fffTEIff ATIONAL
SUNDAYS! IIOOL
Lesson
(Py REV P, B Krr.w ati-jk. D. D
Toucher of Knitl -I, Klble In th.
Moody Hlble Institute of Chicago.)
" ri,,yrlht. till, v..gt. , N. wipdpcr t'nlon I
Mother was out and sister Sue WU
'Hitting on hor best blouse, so 6-year-1
old Hobby had to entertain Sue's I
young man. As is the way with his
kind, he began to ply the Uttforunate
caller with "what is a popinjay?"
why eh- a popinjay is a eh !
vain bird." "Are you a bird, Mr. ;
Brown?" "No. of course not." i
Well, that! funny Mother said you
were a popinjay, and lamer saw vuvru
was no doubt about you're being a1
jay. and Sue said there didn't seem
much chance of you're poppin' and
now you say you aren't a bird al
all!"
Lloyd's Column
A Frenchman was waiting ;:t a rail
road station in Ireland when a cou
ple of natives sat down beside him.
Said one:
"Sure. Pa;, It's down lo Kilmary
I've been, and I'm on me way back
to Kilpatnck.
"Ye don't say so," said the other.
It's meself that's just after being
down to Kilkenny, and I stop here a
bit before I go to Kilmore."
"What assassins!" exclaimed the
Frenchman. "Would that I were safe
ly back in France!"
DRINK HOT TEA
FOR A BAD COLD
. , .
Oat a small package of Hamburg
Breast Tea, or as the German folks
.'ull it. "Hamburger Brust Thee," st any
pharmacy. Take a tablespoonful of the
tea, put a cup of boiling water upon
it, pour through a sieve and drink a
teacup full at any time during the
day or before retiring. It is the most
effective way to break a cold and cure
grip, as it opens the pores of tht skin,
relieviug congestion. Also loosens the
bowels, thus driving a cold from the
system.
Trv it the next time you suffer from
a cold or the grip. It is inexpensive
and entirely vegetable, therefore sat
and harmless.
MB BACKACHE AND
LUMBAGO RIGHT OUT
Rub Pain and Sutfhe&i away with
a small bottle of old honest
St. Jacobs Oil
When your back is sore and lame
or lumbago, sciatica or rheumatism has
you stiffened up, don't suffer! Get a
26 cent bottle of old, honest "St
Jacobs Oil" at any drug store, pour a
little in your hand and rub it right
into the pain or ache, and by the time
you count fifty, the soreness and lame
ness is gone.
Don't stay crippled' This soothing,
penetrating oil needs to ba umJ only
once. It takes the ache and pain right
out of your back and ends the misery.
It is magical, yet absolutely harmless
and doesn't burn ths skin.
Nothiag else stops lumbago, sciatica
and lame back misery to prossptlyl
LESSON FOR APRIL 28
JESUS REBUKEC CELFI3HNESS.
MBSSOM TKXT-Mi.tk I It-el
OOUDKM TKXT- 1 1 say man desire to
bs first, tin- same shall bs ISM of all, ami
errant of ail Mai , :i R
DEVOTIONAL Hkai 1N(1-I Corln-
tlilann 13.
ADDITIONAL MATKRtAL IX)R
TKACHBRfl Matthew :, 11-42; 20 :v
I. tike 22 24-30.
PRIMARY AND JUNIOR LKSBOM
MATERIAL Mark H "e :it
PRIMARY MEMORY VERSE Bs kind
en- to another. Baheslans 4 32.
JUNIOR M K MORI VERSE I Jolm 4:
21.
I. The Stupidity of S;lfishness. (vv.
:::i'J). .lesns with his disciples is on
Ills way t(i Capernaum for the last
lime. He Is soon In leave for Jerusa
lem, where he Is t" ilie on the cruel
cross for the world's sins. lie still
seeks tho way of retirement' In order
In lie alone with his disciples, his Ob
ject being io lend them into the appre
hension of tho meaning of the CCOfM.
The teaching which was Interrupted at
Caeeerea by Peter's rebuke Is now re
sumed, and with detli iteneas he de
clares Hie future event its already
present,
I. "The Son of Man is delivered into
the hands of men."
'-. 'They shall kill him."
It. "lie -hall rise Hie third day."
While pressing upon them contluu
ottfc!jr the fact ami necessity (f the
erus-, be never fui! il tn show them
the blighl side bis triumphant vic
tory over death In the resurrect ion.
The hearts of the disciples were mi
iteeped in selfishness that they failed
'ii understand his teachings, if the
disciples had more definitely attended
to his leaching concerning the cross,
they would have been better prepared
for the hour of tenipttttton which was
11 soon to overtake them.
II. The Wrangling of Selfishness.
(vv. 83-87),
1. The searching question (v. .';?).
The omnlsdent t'itrisl knew the se-
ctrets of their hearts. The fact thai
1 he disciples were wrangling about of
ficial position while the Lord was fac
ing humiliation and death for them
mil Iho whole world, shows how com
plenty the Lord Was alone ill his sot
row. i'. The silent disciples (v. :).
They were ashamed in his presence,
because the selfishness of their hearts
was revealed. To r ali.e the presence
of Iho Lord would shame us el' much of
air selfishness.
.'. The stinging rebuke (vv. 88-87),
"If any man desire In bo first, the
-time shall he last of nil, and servant
of all." The great -t among men are
1 hose who are v-illlti,: in lake the low
est (dace and serve others. This 1 th
ho enforced in n concrete way by plac
lltg a child in their midst. This child
was an Illustration uf dependence and
ignorance. By example and word he
shows that true greatness Is expressed
b) willingness to aid the weak, lo In
struct the Ignorant and to serve those
In need. All such render service not
Uiery to those in need, hut unto
Christ and Qod, True greatness, there
fore, consists not In selfseeklng. but
rendering cheerful sendee to the
needy In the name of Christ.
III. The Intolerance of Selfishness
(vv. 88-41),
t. John's guilty conscience (v. .'S).
In the light of the teaching of Jesus,
John was a little disturbed over having
"forbid" a worker for Christ who did
not follow ufter him. Doubtless this
Intolerance was in part due to Jealousy
for Christ, but also a selfish ambition.
Many times Christians mistake bigotry
for zeal for Christ.
'. Wh an to tolerate (vv.
(1) Those who are easting out devils
(v. 89). We should really satisfy our
selves (hat supeniutural works are be
ing done. Are demons being cast out?
However, this Is not tlnal, us there Is a
supernatural work not of Cod.
'2) Those who are not doing this
work In Christ's name (v. 41). Any
worker going forth In the name of
Christ, and for the glory of Christ,
should be given Ood Speed, If lie Is
doing a good work, even though not in
your way, or if not a member of your
church or school "Forbid him not."
IV. The Awful Issue of Selfishness,
(vv. 43-00).
Selfishness results in ruin to others
(v. 4), and also to the Individual (vv.
4.'l, 45 end 47). In either case the Is-
1 sue Is eternal torment in hell. Selfish
ness is opposed to Cod, ami that w hich
Is opposed to Ood must be eternally
separated from him. Sclf-renunotU'
Hon should be so complete that we
should be willing to abandon the most
necessary anA luwt'til things In life
hands, feet and eyes when they be
come occasions for stumbling either to
ourselves or to others.
NOIICI FHHt PUBLICATION
Deaprtment of the Interior
V. S. Land Office at Alliance, Ne
hraska, April 4. 1918.
Notice is hereby given that F.
Worth Jones, of Auxiliary Remount
Depot, Camp Funston. Kansas, who,
on October loth, 1914, made home
stead entry, serial. No. 016,981. for
weal half of section 14. township 21
north, range 47 west of 6th P. Merid
ian, has tiled BOttee of intention to
make tinal three-year proof, to estab
lish claim to the land above describ
ed, before Captain Howard C. Cab',
detachment commander at camp
PUUSton, Kansas, on the 1,1th day Ol
.May 1918, and tho testimony of the
Witnesses Will be taken before the
register SOd receiver of the 1'nited
States land omen, Alliance. Nebraska
on May ir,lh, 1918.
Claimant names as witnesses:
Roy CoatS, of Uroadwater. Nebr.
Percy Beagle, of Alliance. Nebr.
Joseph Covalt. of Alliance, Nebr.
Henry Simemullor. of Alliance, Ne
braska. T. J. O'KEBFE,
8850-894-5t-19 Register.
SWWUV4VM1 V MM tWM
Confessions
of a German
Deserter :-:
A thrilling story of
the pillaging of Belgium
as told by a young Prus
sian officer who partici
pated and who, escaping
after the battle of Mons,
made his way to Amer
ica and is now registered
as an alien enemy.
Be Sure to Read This
Remarkable Narrative
In This Newspaper
No Quarter,
Slaughter
Everybody"
Such were the orders of
the German officers on the
march of the Prussian troops
through Belgium. One who
witnessed the horribledeeds
describes them in
Confessions of a
GermanDeserter
A remarkable story by
a young Prussian officer
whose conscience revolted
at the atrocities and who
made his escape to this
country after the battle of
Mon$. Don't miss the in
stallments in
I This Newspaper
Don't forget to start this story, in
this issuu. published on another page. I
4421
Bsssnw
An All -year -'round
Soft Drink
for the Bluejackets
Our boys in the navy enjoy their
Bevo. The esteem in which it is
held by the entire Navy Depart
ment is clearly indicated by the
fact that it is sold and served on
all U. S. vessels and in training
camps. Afloat or ashore, you will
find Bevo unusually refreshing,
good and healthful.
Soft in the strictest sense, but a
thoroughgoing man's drink. Try
it by itself, or with a bite to eat.
Served everywhere families
supplied by grocers, druggists
or dealers.
it
At M
I Manufactured and bottled exclusively by stisiSieMr V Jfl
I Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis Ji,- tJH
vsai hnHabflBliLkmXSllafMBT ' a4B HaVBHIaaaH LimemaV. s
WM. KING
Distributor ALLIANCE, NKB. JuM
' rxstem n
isir ti
Over-work, worry and
the constant strain of a
business life are often
a cause of much trouble.
Dr. Miles' Nervine
is highly recommended
for all Nervous disor
ders. It is particularly
tnva1unb!e to business
women. Regulate your
bowels by using
DR. MILES'
LIVER PILLS
IF FIRST BOTTLE, 0 BOX.
FAILS TO BENEFIT YOU, YOUR
MONBY WILL BE REFUNDED.
rJEP.VC'JS ATTACKS.
"I suffered with nervous at
tacks and headaches. Then my
liver got out of order and it
seemed as though my Whots
system was upset. I com
menced using; L r. Miles' Nerv
ine and also took Dr. Miles'
Liver Pills and now I feel per
fectly well In every w;ty. My
bowels also are in good shnpe
now."
MRS. AUGUSTA KE1SER.
1149 Portland Ave..
Rochester, N". T.
af
Need of Influence.
"Every out' of u m-eds Influence
and some impulse outside of ourselves
to compel us to strive for our ideals.
The best . ulse that can uplift the
life Is tl friendship of Jesus. He
says: 'Ye re as friends If ye do what
soever I comtnaud u.' "
God's Presence.
Did It ever occur to you that the
signs of God's presence are granted
to the farmer more thau any uther
man? Look arounii your hooie uad
fields and see.
Stockmen Attention!
If You Want
CATTLE
Be at our Auction at
Grand Island, Nebraska, Friday,
April 26th.
May 10th. and 24th.
We always have from 1,200 to 2,000 head of
the different kinds of Stock Cattle.
If you have Cattle for sale, consign them to us.
For particulars write or wire,
Blain Horse, Mule and Cattle Comm. Co.
Grand Island, Nebr.
Horse Auction Every Tueshay
