A1.IJA K HHRALD. THURSDAY. SBT. 5 ,1017
Charley Chaplin's Comic Capers
Now He. Wants An Antidote
Copyright, 11, by J. Keeley.
II
ryVELl. YOU'R QONA 00 AS I
OR I'M UONA SLAH YOUR
LIU pcE7.fcH
SAY
JUST TAKE A SHOT OUT OF
THAT BOTTLE AND PROPOSE
TO THE FflST GIRL YOU nllTJ
THANK GOODMES I DOKTl
HAV TO TAKE iNYTMN
LIKE THAT TO PROPObZ
TO MY GIRL- I PROPOSE
EVERY HmfA
iimy oKum I
TELEPHONE THREE-FOUR-OUGHT
H El L ED
Q Do you want to
Buy a dog?
Rent a house?
Find a ring?
Sell a boat?
Trade horses?
Hire a cook t ,
Secure a position?
If your want is worth
wanting, it is worth
spending a few cents in
these columns.
For Rent
FURNISHED ROOM FOR RKNT
Lady preferred 309 Big Horn
avenue 38-tf-8517
FOR RENT Two unfurnished
rooniB for rent, cheap. Suitable for
light housekeeping 623 Mississippi
avenue 39-5t-6564
FOR RENT Two suites of fur
nished rooms. One of two and one
of three rooms, at 321 Big Horn ave
nue. Phone 328, or call at 322 West
Fourth street fo key.
40-21-8571$
Five Cents per Line Count Six
Words to a Line
No Advertisement taken for Less
Than 15c
at The Herald office for further in
formation, price and terma.
40-tf
FOR SALE. Good section of land
Located ten miles southeast of Bing
ham. Nebraska. Priee only $4.o00
Address or see Louise Harp. Bingham
Nebraska, for particulars
39-5t-$-851f
"T:olTSLTyw7feTr : b b o n s
for all makes o ftypewriters Type
writer and pencil carbon papers
Typewriter paper and second .sheets.
Herald Publishing Co Phone 3 40.
"Taf51rAiTe?11EaT The
finest land in Box Butte county Ev
ery foot can be plowed. Level Four
quarter-sections, 6 40 acres, in two
tracts of 320 acres e.ic Located
west of Hemingford. One tract has
wind mill and good well excellent
soil, fenced The price is low. on
easy terms Owner will show the
land Address Box 8467 c-o Alli-
auce Herald, for full
call at Herald office
information, or
35-4t-8467
FOR SALE Household goods in
cluding a Victrola, on account of
leaving Alliance Phone 893 or ad
dress or call at 904 Box Butte ave
nue 40-U-8610
For Sale, or will
Trade for Farm
new HART-PARR
40 on the belt. 27
For Sale
A practically
OIL TRACTOR
draw bar.
"Money Maker" Thresher. 9 Spec
ial by 48
Oliver No. 6. 6-bottom 14-lnch En
gine Gang Plow
This is a bargain if taken at once
Write G. W. Little, Box 4th Ave
35th St.. Council Bluffs. Iowa.
HIGH GRADE second-hand auto-1
mobile for sale cheap. Nicolal j
Son. 37-tfi
roil SALE. Re-cleaned seed wheat
$2.00 per bushel Rye $1 60 per
bushel
J A KEEGAN
38-tf-8554
Wanted
FOR SALE High grade typewrit
er carbon paper. The kind that gives
you a clear duplicate The Alliance
Herald. Phone 340
class, high-grade- automobile fur sale
cheap. Used but in excellent condi
tion. Nicolai Son. 37-tf
FOR SALE House, Ave rooms
and bath, on Big Horn. Address
Box 8542, care Alliance Herald
37-tf-8542
FOR SALE AT EXECUTORS
BALi: Two residence properties lo
cated as follows: Lots five and six
in block six, Wyoming addition to
City of Alliance. The residences are
composed of three and Ave rooms.
These residence properties must be
sold. Inquire of L. A. Berry, Room
9, Rumer Block, Alliance. Nebraska
Phone 9 8287-23-tf
FOR SALE Five-room residence
at 509 Sweetwater avenue. Electric
lights, city water, bath. Barn. Ideal
down-town location. A bargain and
can be purchased on easy terms Call
POSITION WANTED by experi
enced lady, in dry goods or general
merchandise store Paone 340 or
call at 321 Big Horn avenue
41-lt-8619$
"wAErXToTce workA
young lady who wants to work, one
who can operate a typewriter, do
collecting and other outside work;
one who wants work because she
needs it, and who will appreciate a
real job Address Box 4231, care
Herald, or phone 340
Lost and Found
qTh ere's no false
modesty about this
want ad page.
tJNo legitimate propo
sition need hesitate to
launch forth to find a
response.
JNeed not even sign
your name or address.
This office receives and
holds replies for you.
land were gone until the next night. now till to-morrow morning" Bat
I didn't have many excuses to offer itlmore American.
and was afraid to use them because UiM i
I was saving them up for house-clean ' Haw
ing time. Officer "That's a pretty awkward
But talking about house-cleaning W you ve got now. Sergeant
"IF THE SHOE FITS YOl
THEN WEAR IT"
By
ADAM LIAR
Something Like Pte Only Won
Soon the Bkies will be ashen and so
ber. The leaves will be crisped and sere.
There'll be nothing to dring but near
beer.
It will be a most mournful October bands at all.
makes me think of home and think
ing of home makes me think of friend
wife Which calls to mind an item
I read in the paper the other day.
Did you read in the paper the other
day about a woman in Chicago who
was placed on trial for having seven
husbands. She never should have
been arrested, livery woman is en
titled to a husband's companion
ship at night And as many of the
husbands in Alliance as well as In
Chicago are home only one night out
of seven. It naturally follows that she
needs seven husbands to nil out the
week
But here's something I can't under
stand. How is it that this Chicago
woman managed to get seven hus
bands, while the girls here in Alli
ance complain they can't get any hus-
There s only one wsy
LOST, STRAYED OR STOLEN
Three head of cows, branded O over
S on left hip, and oue red cow brand
ed M on hip; also three head of
calves with no brands A good re
ward will be paid for any informa
tion leading to their recovery Ad
dress any information to O. R Rob
erta, Lewellen. Nebraska.
34-tf-8472
FOUND A casting, evidently pari
of a tractor or other large piece of
farm machinery, on road leading to
Alliance, by members of The Her
ald force This casting is evidently
badly needed by someone and any
one knowing to whom it belongs will
confer a favor on the owner by sd
vising him that it is at The Herald
office, where it can be secured by
calling for it and paying the costs of
the Insertion of this want ad HER
ALD PUBLISHING COMPANY
34-tf-8471
Miscellaneous
FOUND Rim holder and nut
from Stanweld automobile demount
able rim. Owner may have same by
calling at Herald office and paying
for this ad. 37-tf-8503
f6TjNDBVV ind a
buncb of keys. Owner may have
same by calling at The Herald of
fice, identifying the keys, and pay
ing the cost of this want ad. HER
ALD PUBLISHING COMPANY
34-tf-8469
LOST An automobile crank for a
Orow-Elkhart auto. On Alliance
street Reasonable reward for re
turn to The Herald office.
38-U-861I
Build a Homo of your own. ve
HiMMidy and Mollrmg, Agent for Ne
braska Hldg. and ! V
42-tf-8636
Calling cards lor the ladles ar
printed promptly and neatly at Th
Herald office The prices are reav
onable Phone 340 for samples an
pricev or call at the office
MOVE FCRNITLItfc SAFELY
We have equipped our dray wag
ons and auto truck with the latest
appliances for moving furniture
without marring or scratching or do
ing damage. Up-to-date wagon pads
will be used by us on all moving
Jobs. JOHN R. SNYDER, Phone 15
37-tf-5950
The Government needs Farmers as
well as Fighters. Two million three
hundred thousand acres of Oregon
and California Railroad Co. Grant
Lands. Title revested in Uulted
States. To be opened for homesteads
and sale. Containing some of best
land left in United States. Large
Copyrighted Map, showing land by
sections and description of soil, cli
mate, rainfall, elevations, tempera
ture, etc Postpaid, One Dollar.
Grant Lands Locating Co. Box 610,
Portland, Oregos. 3 l-l3t 8446
Of this most immemorial yenr
In a winter suite cold is the weather,
I pause to extract a big tear.
No toddy for this. chilly weather,
And coal will be fearfully dear;
A Poem Entitled "Hunting"
Did you ever figure
How many bucks
You could spend this winter.
Hunting ducks?
o -
A Poem Entitled "Food"
We need the blamed stuff ever day.
But haw the dickens can we pay?
o
A Poem Entitled "Furnace"
You cannot pay to feed it,
But gracious how you need it.
WhyCut It?
She's living easily these days, if
reports are to be believed. I met
her on the street about 10:30 in the
morning and she was Just going to
breakfast. I said; "Gosh, but you'r
getting to be a regular hot one. arn't
you atayinn up all night and sleep
ing all day.' She replied. "Ain't It
the truth, but I am going to cut it
some of these days I think f can."
For .Making Ajtoetudoivs
This husband proposition is sure a
queer one. Take ror example the
stunt that was pulled off th other
night in the office of a certain mar
ried man who is "supposed" to be
very virtuous. Two young ladies of
the city were rumaglng around his
desk. They were looking for some
thing they didn't nnd but they found ,
something they were'nt looking for.
Yeah, you know what. They didn't. .
They do now
n
Game Anyway
He had been away on a lonu trip. I
When he got home he looked much
like the last rose of summer. Why?
Ask him. I don't know. He looked
like he needed a long, solitary rest.
He's game however, for he remarked
"Well, boys, I'll go through with it
once, even if it kills me."
o
Ducks. hick. lluband. I i I
Gosh, people, but it's an awful ef
fort to get up this llne-o-dope this
week. I wouldn't get it up only if
I didn't maybe I wouldn't get up to
the table. You see I do this stuff in
order to make a living. I have oth
er ways of making a living, too. Yes
sir.
For instance I went out hunting
earl this week in company with
some other humans, and we were all ,
Intene on making a living. We .
went out to make a killing so that
we'd have good living. Well, we
lid make some killing among the ,
ducks.
Talking about ducks, did you ever .
chance to make a killing 1th them, t
It's some jwob. you know, for some i
of them are high flyers, but of course
some f them don't do much else but :
waddle around. We went after the j
flyers. They're always hard to get
Some of them are harder to get than j
others especially if they see you j
coming. But it was always thus,
with the birds.
Don't get these ducks we got next I
too mixed up with chickens. We 1
saw one flock of chickens scared
them up with the car We all had
our guns in the car with us and it
was some Job to get them out and in
working order in time to get the
birds. Well, we didn't get the birds i
we only got a bird. It was some I
Job dividing It up among us, and so
we decided to give it to one of the
Send them husbands
to help (hem.
by parcel post.
The next time you are away from
home and you see a man who looks
like he didn't care what happened to
him. Just fasten a tag around his
, neck, take him to the nearest post
i oce and start him on his "desttitu-ition"-
-I mean destination. You don't
j even have to put a postage Btamp on
him. You can Bend him C. O. D.
I Don't laugh girls. You may wake
I up some morning and find a husband
Ifl your mail box with $66.00 collect
! charges. Iok him over and see if
you think he's worth the money. If
so pay the $66 and make him work
it out. If you don t thlink so. sim
ply refuse to accept him and he'll be
sent to the dead letter office. Any
woman other than an old maid
wouldn't give $66 for is a 'dead one'
anyhow.
And in looking him over girls,
don't budge him too harshly. Fir in
stance, if he has a black eye, don't
form the conclusion that he's been
on a -spree or in a Ught. That may
only be a clew that some envious fe-1
male post master gave him a a
cancelling stamp And don't be pre
judiced against a husband Just be
cause you happened to And him in
your mail box. Not that I want to
say anything against husbands. I'm
marired myself.
EAT LESS AND TAKE
SALTS FOR KIDNEYS
Take a (la of Baits before breakfast
if j oar Back hurts or BLaddsr
bothers vso.
The American men an 1 women most
guard constantly against Kidney trouble,
because we eat too much sad all our food
is rich. Our blood is Ailed with una
acid which tbs kidneys strive to filter
out, they weaken from overwork, become
sluggish ; the eliminative tissues clog and
the result is kidney trouble, bladder
wnaknees and a general decline in health.
When your kidneys feel like lumps of
lead; your back hurts or the urine is
cloudy, full of sediment or you are
obliged to seek relief two or three times
during the night; if you suffer with sick
headache or diuy, nervous spells, acid
stomach, or you have rheumatism when
the weather is bad, get from your phar
macist about four ounces of Jed Salts;
take a tablespoonful in s glass of
water before breakfast for a few days
and your kidneys will then act fine.
This famous salt is made from the aoij
of grapes and lemon juice, oombined with
lithia, and has been' used for generations
to flush snd stimulate clogged kidneys;
to neutralise the acids In the urine so it
no longer is a source of irritation, thus
ending bladder disorders.
Jad salts is inexpensive; cannot in
Sorely Tried Sergeant-Instructor
"They are that. sir. It's the like of
them, sir, as brings 'ome to us what
a horrible thing this war is, sir!"
Passing Show.
1. 4 elaaia
Other Days, Other Ways
"Who touches a hair of yon grsy
OSS
Dies like adog. March on!" ho
aid.
Stonewall Jackson, we must confess.
Didn't go in for frlghtfulness.
Loulsvlll Courier Journal.
l.lerS'a elate .
(iood Judge ' '
Two men were hotly discussing the
merits of a book. Finally, one of
them, himself an author, said to the
other: "No, John, you can't appro
ciste it. You never wrote a book
yourself."
"No," retorted John, "and I never
laid an egg, but I'm a better judgo
of an omelet than any hen." Phil
adelphia Star.
1 tre" release
A story that is going around tbO
French papers Is rather pleasant. A
pretty, young actress is attached to
one of the Paris hospitals, and the
other day. in order to make recalci
trant patients take their medicine
she promised each obedient one a
kiss. All the patients were lambllko
The elderly matron was a witness to
the scene. Next day she said to
the men:: "If you take your medi
cine I wil lallow you to kiss me." The
men all made gestures of discourage
ment. Luckily the lady had a sense
of humor. She laughed and said:
Take your medicine, or I'll order you
to kiss iu'."
1 lU' limn
The summer schools of universi
ties draw together many persons who
have been out of practice, so to speak
in such trifling matters as correction
of writing and exactness of thought.
One such person at the summer schoo
at Berkeley. California, had an ex
perience with this weakness The
professor calling his attentlonto his
faults, remarked: "Now take your
thesis, The Limitations of the Hum
an Mind ' Your logic is faulty."
"I'm," "Your metaphors arc mixed. 1
I Bros your spelling la bad." "Well
the human has its limitations, profe-
j sor." remarked the student In des
peration. I !" elaf
In Hungary. where Count Tisxa is
as ardently hated by on - (actio a
he Is ardently beloved by the other,
the opposition is wont to c iculato
a story to illustrate the h Id tha
count had upon the lut- eraeprotV
Francis Joseph It is said that when
the emperor crosaevj the gre;it divido
land landed it the p-ar.y i-;i es. St.
Peter asked: "What h.'s our m ijes-
' ty done to merit sntranee'htrT" Tired
and tottering, aged monarch hes
itated then replied: "1 dou'i kuoW,
Ask Count Tl ia."
b j ' i n j the Hands.
Usads thai have lte-ome hard on Sal
ind stained with housework win be
oiue sou a id elesn by uoldiug i little
Ml adust in Hie palm of the baud and
pouring eoul "i over it. Wash your
hands as though It were smp and water.
SAGE AND SULPHUR
DARKENS 6RAY HAIR
It's
Grandmother's Recipe
Restore Color, Olosa
and Attractiveness.
Almost everyone knows that Sage Tea
nd Sulphur, properly compounded,
Jure, makes a delightful effervescent brings back the natural color and lustre
lithia water beverage, and belongs in
every home, because nobody can make
a mistake by having a good kidney flush
ing any time.
Lloyd's Column j j
to th hair when faded, streaked Of
gray. Years ago the only way to gel this
mixture was to make it at home, which
is mussy and troublesome. Nowadays, b
asking at any drug store for "Wyetaig
Sage and Sulphur Compound," you will
get a large bottle of this famous ol
recipe, improved by the addition of other
ingredients, for about SO cents.
Don't stay gray! Try it! No oae
can possibly tell that you darkened you
hair, as it does it so naturally aw
Disease Under Control ' evenly. You dampen a sponge or mm
We are right sorry to hear that brush with it and draw this through
the ex-Csar of Russia is to be laolat- your hair, taking one small strand at a
. . - - . : - . . t ji
party who hadn t been having such ed, aa we do not believe that caarlng time; by morning uie gray uair ur
good luck as some of the others. I la contagious any more. Grand Rap- i appears, and after another application
learneil today that he had some time ids Press.
with that chicken. He had It for . i.irS'
dinner, but it didn't remanin with iooU For One Mml
him , "So your new cook camo this af-
You know one of the hard things ternoon. Do you think you can keep who desire dark hair and a youthful ap
about going hunting is getting away, ber lougT" Pf" 14 U ifEftl ,ttr
Now we went out La the afternoon "Well, she sao't get any train bach , mitigation or prersatloa o( disease.
r r . r i
or two. your hair becomes beautiful!
dark, glossy and attractive
Wyeth's Sage and Sulphur Coinpouw
is s delightful toilet requisite for ibOSV