ALLIANt R HERALD, THIRSDAV, HKPT. , 1917
Charley Chaplin's Comic Capers
Luke Believes In Preparedness
YOUR EYES ARt LIKE THE STARS "t"HAT SHINE rEkH cMLL ' ! 1 A! INPMd I S iTtl
VOUR UPS ARE LIKE THE SWEETEST WHE ( OM- SMalT- 1 W mUIloO A I O ! ! j
YOUR HANDS ARE LIKE THE LILY THAT FLOATS V nj
,y '
' I i.iiib mi- - ... i i i i i i mini mm m -i n - n , mi i.. ... .ira . i - n , i. . . , iimwii iiiih i i i - . i i. - i n in- r. ... r w ' . . ! i li
TELEPHONE THREE-FOUR-OUGHT
HERA L D
Do you want to
Buy a dog?
Rent a house?
Find a ring?
Sell a boat?
Trade hoYses?
Hire a cook?
Secure a position?
ij If your want is worth
wanting, it is worth
spending a few cents in
these columns.
Five OntB per Line---Count Six
Words to a Line
No Advertisement taken for Less
Than 15c
For Rent
FOR SALK McCormick porn
binder. Has cut only 50 acres. Price
$76. - J, A. Keegan.
39-tf-8560
FOR SALK. Jood section of land.
Located ten miles southeast of Bing
hani. Nebraska. Price only $4,50o
Address or see Louise Harp. Iiint.li.iii
Nebraska, for particulars.
KOI! SALK Typewriter ribbon
fOT all makes 0 ftypowriters. Type
writer and pencil carbon papers.
Typewriter paper and second sheets.
Herald Publishing Co. Phone 840.
lTntT pTipriKrrMnxp" to
finest land in Box Butte county. Be-
ry loot can be plowed. Level. Four
luarter-iectlons, I4d acres. In two
I acts of 320 acres eae Located
VAfi of Homtngford. One tract has
wind mill and good well. Excellent
soil, fenced, The price is low, on
asv terms. Owner will show the
land. Add rem Hox
ince HeraM. for full
all at Herald office
S4f7 c-o Alli
iefurmat ion, or
3r,-lt-S467
FOR UKNT -Two unfurnished
rooms for rent, cheap. Suitable fol
light housekeeping. t2i! Mississippi
avenue. S9-5t-6t 4
FOU UKNT -Furnished rooms.
de(sirable for one or two ladies or
school girl Close in. Inquire at
Herald offlVe. St-lt-S&tdl
FlTUKVfi rnifuTnbdid
rooms for light housekeeping, l'hone
Ued 78 or call at till' Mississippi avr;
nue. 39-ii-s.",t;r,
OHHKS'V Two rooms" Wilf lit
up for light housekeeping or will
rent individually for sleeping rooms
to suit renter. Frirtik Herbert, fit 4
Missouri avenue.
39-lt-Xatil
For Sale, or will
Trade for Farm
A practically new HART-PARR
OIL TRACTOR: 40 on the belt. 27
draw bar.
".Money Maker" Thresher 29 Spec
ial by tt.
Oliver No. 6. H bottom 14-inch Lu
pine ;ang Plow.
This is a bargain if taken at once.
Write ;. V Little. Box 4th Am
:i t h St.. Council muffs. Iowa.
There's no false
modesty about this
want ad page.
JNo legitimate propo
sition need hesitate to
launch forth to find a
response.
J Need not even sign
your name v,r address.
This office receives and
holds replies for you.
Wanted
For Sale
mii.m OKAlii: armasl hand auto-
mobile for ale cheap. Nicolki A
flaw.? hf-tl
Mill SAM:. lie-cleaned seed wheat
$2.00 per bushel Kye $1.60 per
bushel
I A KKFCA.N
!l-tf.tlS4.
POH SALK High grade typewrit
er carbon paper. The kind that give
von a clear duplicate. The Alliance
Herald Phone 340
Vol it HA.Mt K to k1 m lirstl
clans, Higli-gi ol, automobile for Mile
cheap. I -el hut in ccelleii( coodi
Hon. Mcolal a Ho. 37-if
FOU SALK -House, live roonis
aiid bath, on llig Horn. Address
Pox 8"i4 2. care Alliance Herald
:i7-tf-r,4 2
FOU SALK AT EXECUTOR 'fl
SALK Two residence properties lo
cated as follows: Lota live and six
in block six, Wyoming addition to
City of Allince. The residences are
composed of three and rive rooms
These residence properties must be
sold. Inquire or L. A. Berry, Room
Ruraer Block. Alliance. Nebraska
Phone 9 1917-23 tf
WANTED For office work. A
capable young lady who can keep a
'simple set of books, whose jienman-
' ship is good, w ho can operate a type
writer with proficiency (shorthand
tint necessary) and who can handle
collection! and other outside work
I of that nature. Position is perman
ent to a capable person. Address
i Box 4231, cure Alliance lievald. giv
ing full particulars, or phone 340.
::7-tf-423 1
Lost and Found
FOUND- Kun holder and nut
from Btanweld automobile demount
able rim. Owner may have same by
calling at Hegntd office and paying
for this ad M tr-x '.::
F Hj9H -Rwi I TCHICET" ad n
hunch of keys, owner may have
same bj calling al The Herald of
lee, identifying the keys, amf pai
leg the cost of this want ad. HKU
LI) PUBLISH INH COMPANY.
HI-tl-K4ti
LOST An automobile crank for a
i ow-lMkhart atllo n Alliance
streni Beusonable leward fot; re-
tara to The Herald office
38 tf 8 f I 6
IOST Auto casing. inner tubt
and inn complete Size ::l'.t3',:.
inches. I'nited States make, smooth
tread, b.-iween Alliance und Ha
Springs Suitable reward for recov
ery. Return to Burner Motor Com
pany, Alliance, or W. 11. Bell, ow ner.
Cordon. Nebraska. l7-4t8510$
LOST, STRAY BD OR 8TOLKN
Three head Ol COWS, branded (t ovi r
S on left hip, and one red cow brand
ed M on hip; also three head of
calves with no brands. A good re
Ward will be paid for any informa
tion leading 1o their recovery. Ad
dress any information to O. R. Roe
rts, Lewellen, Nebraska.
34-tf-8l72
FOFN'H - A casting, evidently par?
of a tractor or other large piece of
farm machinery, on road lending to
Alliance, by members of The Her
ald force. This casting is evident
badly needed by someone and any
one knowing to whom it Helen gl will
confer a favor on the owner by ad
vising him that it is at Tin- Herald
office, where n nan ba secured b
railing for It and paying the costs of
the Insertion Of this want ad. HER
ALD PUBLISHING COMPANY
34-tf-8471
Miscellaneous
T!g
'IF THK fHMMt KITS xov
Til I.N HI ti: IT"
By
ADAM LIAIl
t isilotn of the Serent
In the park lay Miss A una belle
Bowcb.
When a tiny snake crawled o'er her
hose.
Did Annabelle mind?
No, she wasn't that "kind
And the snake was well pleased,
goodness knows
o
Zlppo!
Once a much dolled-up dame from
( 'asper
Was boasting o'ermuch of her hair.
When up sprung u breeze,
ThHt rattled her knees,
And ttppo, her hair wasn't there!
o
tKsifjT. I'm OM Aaain
Ladles and (Jeiilleinen and V1-h)w-citiz-zizz-zizzz:
As I wile tJe
above spasms for this perspiring oc
casion. 1 am averw armed with depri
ciation to ha TO the privel-liv to ad
dress myself Tor the benetit of so
many of my fans. In the words of
that great general. Kucalyptus (irant
it is indeed a pleasure to be able to
I have my efforts read by bo many fel
l low ' shirkers- -and the spirit within
line cries out "K Plucrisy Onion."
This is a grr-eat age. K very body
l in this age wants money Alliance
girls want matri-moncy ; wives w ant
I pin-money ; divorced women want
I all-money ; the L w. w's want njr
! body's money and the trusts want ev
erybody's money.
They say thai money is the riN)l
I of all evil but if I had some of that
i rooi in mi back garden you bet your
I sweet American Star Spangled Ban
I ner I'd to my utmost to make II
grow.
Just now .there isn't much moin
in circulation Dollnrs are scare
'dimes are scarce nickh are genes
! and "coppers" are not as plentiful
since the city lathers decided to cut
i down expenses.
1 rhey say that money talks, but all
i it ever says to me is "goodb) ."
J Different nations have different
Heinan sittlns. in the crotch of a dead
tree located not a great, distance
from the big but te, a man who under
stands live stock and can perstmde
a large beef creature to qnlt pawing
the ground beneath the tree and
leave the prerriftiert for a few minutes
tlood pny. Apply Harold. Smythe,
South Pasture, Nebraska.
- o -
A Helm a Note
The one above, Indles aud Hentle
nten, cgnclndes my minstrel first
part. ITI get down to business now,
vlth some of the more serious local
sUtff, In an nttompt to appease your
growing appetite for something real
rich and sweet.
Khough Im fenougli
Talking about swoet stuff. What
could be more sweot than the sight,
of two lovers strolling in the night
air and trying to keep warm on
night like some we hnve had this
week? Fine, you say. It. might, be
fine for the lovers, but II sure is ag
ony for one walking behind, accord
ing to the complaint of one little fairy
I know of.
him what on earth the meaning of
the sign was. The tailor, with a
complacent smile, replied:
"If it hadn't been for an apple.
where would the clothing business ba
today?" Dverybody'g Magailne
Ur ( nluain
A Roy's Tribute
Prettiest girl I've ever seen
Is Ma
Lovelier than nny queen
Is Ma.
dirts with curia go walking by.
Dainty, graceful, bold and sly.
But the one that fakes my eye
Is Ma.
' Wasn't Utility At Tliat
The argument as over the price of
g railroad ticket to a certain point
, In another state. It waxed warm.
i There wen several in the parly in-
eluding a certain husband and will
i Husband said. "Well. I know the
fare to ' was so many dollars whn
i I bought Miss- 's ticket for her
Friend wife 'sat up straight in her
whalr and said. "You bought s
ticket for lo r? Yon say you bought
's ticket. And that's about the
time I came home," But he wasn't
guilty, at that.
Kv
ry girl
made Into one
8 Ma.
Sweetest girl to look upon
la Wa
scen 'em short and seen 'em tall
flee i) 'em big and seen 'em small.
nut t in- nncHt one or ait
li Ma.
Best
1
In These War Time
I know a wife who is practiciifg
economy by making the doughnuts
alt hole. .
O'
IIiih'I Be Surprised
There ig always someone to give it
away. The other night a lady who
had been out riding a few nights be
fore, called at the home off one of
Alliance's automobile owners. "I
of all the girls one earth
In Ma.
One that all the rest is worth
Is Ma.
Home have beauty . some hnve grace.
Some look nice in silk and lace,
But the one that takes first place
la Ma.
Sweetes singer in, the land
Is Mil
She that has the softest hand
Is Ma.
Tenderest, gentlest nurse is she,
Full of fun as she can be.
An the only girl for me
la Ma.
J
Bet if there's an angel here
Is Ma. ;
II Qod has a sweetheart dear.
Is Ma.
Take Hiegirla that artists draw,
An: all the girls I ever saw.
The only one without a. flaw
Is Mu
Kdgar A. Ouest. in Detroit Press.
I4ei uiiiniii
I III Specialty
A man who limped painfully stood
near the station, where he saw a car
say your husband and three others at thai see d to l. idled with boys.
Heiningford the other night," she "What! that?" he naked a by
said. "I was wondering where yon slander.
Were." "Why my husband was at
lodge that night." she wild. If any
thing happens, don't be surpjrised
Lloyd's Column
. .::::::::::::::::!
'kinds of money. F.ngland has pound:
iapd schillings, France has cen-times
land louis, and Cermany has marks.
I Of course, we've got marks in this
country, too I'm a mark.
Last week I swallowed a piece of
; window glass which gave me a
"pane" in my side, so I went to a
doctor. After hi- examine,! m. I said:
'Well, doc, what do you make of it?''
He said: "Before I get through with
you I'll make live hundred dollars
out of it." Then he operated oil 100
he cut out my liquid refreshments
and cigars. He would have cut out
my appendix, too, only I had it in my
wife's name.
But I've got to continue this col
umn. H this is providing you with
amusement or entertainment, I thank
you. This is oije way I make a living-
getting up ibis li ne-o-dope.
There's more of another kind coming.
It lira I
remember
came in
i eyes."
Fiend
the first
lions?"
Might It. I ill., i
Kditor ( reminiscing ) "I
hen my first subscription
ii brought tears to my
Teas of aMOtton, or was
subscription p. mi in ou-
Celllag cards lor the ladles an
printed promptly and neatly at Tb
Herald office The prices are reas
finable Phone 340 for' sample anf
nrlce nr call at the office
MOVK I t KMH IIK SAFKLY
We have euippeg our' dray wag
ons and auto truck with the latest
ipnflnnceg for moving fornltnra
without marring or scratching or do
ing damage. I'p-to-date wag.m pad
will be used by us M illl movlug
jobs JOHN Ft BNYDRR, Phone l :,
17-lf-SaM
The Government needs Farmers as
well as F'ghters ' Two million three
in. died thousand aerei of Oregon
and California Railroad Co Gram
lji'd Title revealed in United
gjtatcn To be opened for aOMealeadg
and sale Containing some of lest
laud left in Puited states Large
Copyrighted Map. showing land by
lectio US and description of soil, rll
anite. rainfall, elevation, temp, i.,
tore, ate, Postpaid. One Dollar
trHntlands Jocatlng Co Box n I '
Portland, Oregon. UI-13t-844
Baby Ad ic
Vnu know I've got a neighbor,
there are two and a half of them
That is there is Pupa Neighbor. Ma
nia Neighbor and Baby Neighbor As
a result I have been reading some ol
the articles appearing in some of the
journals about the care of babies.
I have accumulated a few Misible
ami easily remembered bint, on this
important subject which I would ad
vise you to remember until ihey arc
necessa ry :
DON'T rap baby in a sealskin
coat . '
DON"
oven.
Hi V T
us mouth
DON'T
lift it U(i
hovt
Nebraska
ober
I in N'T
d p m .
' cuee.
put bab to sleep in an
stop. its cring by sniffing
with cotton waste
dek it up by the ankles:
by the cWs.
give baby gin rteknya In
dining September Of Oct-
b-i bah sta out later until
ho matter what It- v
T 'ItlC li, ll
I found this advertisement In an
tchange '
Wantrri-ImiiH-dtarrl) ! (i a gOD
l.la' lolulHM
l leaned Out
"I IwAr thai you lost your temper
at the poker party lasi night?"
"Well, that was the only thing 1
had left to lose."
l.loya'K ..In
Not Afflicted With "Adults"
"Bead the directions on the bottle,
: Hand) "
"II ... . 'for adults, one ton
I spoon ' "
I "Thunder! Thin ain't what alls
I me what else does it say?"
l.lojKTa I ww ii
Nature Fake
"So Farmer Hawbuck has sold Ins
I pasture to the golf club."
"Yes, where his old brindle cow
aaed to roam WO now see a lot of I
platded calves."
I.l 4'm uImmih
Unkind
i Mrs. Flynt K Biskett I want to
join the army, I 'hink I'll enlist us
1 . mill
F S II Sh-h: Hush, my deal . t mrtvine
They're arresting person for making
threats against the army - Judge.
. I, !" uIhuiii
Change ami Itcst
A postcard bearing the following
ma -ag was sent by a vacationist at
a popular summer resort:
i "This is a great place for a change
'and a rest. The waiters get the
Ichang and 'the hotels get the rest."
l.l4' I aluwu
A IMIK Trip
British Officer to a raw recruit
trying to ride) Where I he deuce
'are you going lo go?
Kaw recruit (vainly trying to con
trol his steed, which is making a bolt
lor the doorway of the riding school )
Don't know. sir. But the horse's
heme is in Canada'
I. I ItlIMM
Lure of the Apple
I The tailor's sign in a little
l own was an apple, simply an
The people were amuaed at it.
cam iii crowds to the tailor.
"Thai la the corn boy's npecial."
"Corn boy's special?'
Yes, the boys have ;ai jvon prizes
by raising corn, and th -yare being
n free I rip io Washington."
The man made a grumbling re
mark. "What did you say? be Other in
quired "1 was Just saying to myself." thu
first speaker explained, "that I may
not be much of a cor-i raiser, but
when it comes to bunion.-, i challenge
the whole world."
MomI'v Column
Pom erf u I latvv
"Say, mother, what keeps us from
falling off the earth wh n we're up
side down?"
"Why, the law of gravity."
"uBt how did we stay on before
thai law gran paaaodr"
1 la - Column
II i Age
Allan, on his second birthday, was
told by his mother that he wus 2
years old. That aame day his moth
i weighed him, and as die lifted
bim off the goala she said:
You weigh just thirty pounds."
That evening, when the little boy
father came home, he said:
"Well, Allan, how old are you?"
Allan hesitated a few seconda and
I hen replied
"Two years and thirty pounds."
Clear Away the Waste
Bowel regularity is the secret of
good health, bright eyes, clear com
plexions, and Dr. King's New Ufa
Pills are a mild and gentle laxative
that regulates the bowels and re
lieves the congested Intestines hv i. -
the accumulated waste
witnout griping Take a pill before
retiring and that heavy head, that
dull spring fever feeling disappears,
tiet Dr. King's New Life Pills at your
druggist, 2 5c.
Adv 5
Th:- boys' band of Scottsbluff has
been asked to play at the Wyoming
tte fair, to be held at Douglas,
gepteuibei 13. 14 and 15. Moat of
, ti,e boys in the band are high school
stidems and have been trained und
'tr Ike leadership of B W Morris
Writes Prhte Km
contest open to all
inland
apple.
They
asking
a
Hebron Hoy
Hebron. In a
boys under 16 in the United States.
I tret nriae was won by Ixuis Schief
lerdeeker of Belvldere. near here.
IfuOUla submitted to the Poland China
iJocrnal of Kansas City the best ar
able on Boys' Pfg Clubs." He is
i member of the Thayer county Boys'
Pig Club, supervised by .1 Clarence
ft a gey, count) club leader