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About The Alliance herald. (Alliance, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1902-1922 | View Entire Issue (May 27, 1904)
Censor Must See All "Gags."
Tho DrltUh censor of plays has con
siderably added to llio Riiyoty of tho
JjoiuloA thoatrlcal Benson, now giving
n final fillip by announcing that homo
forlh all "gags" must bo tried, In writ
ing, on himself, before using. "Gngs"
have generally been Biippoaod to bo tho
Inspiration of tho momont, dollghtful
llttlo diversions from tho steady cur
rent of tho play, and thoroforo tho
more enjoyed, not only by tho "gag
Bers," but by tho audience. Thero Is
reason to doubt whothor a "gag," after
having been written down and trlod
in the cruclbie of tho crltlo nnd cen
sor, would bo a "gag" at all. The Lon
don Speaker, howevor thinks tho mu
hIc hall wits havo no cause to fear so
long as tins present censor continues
In power. "Tho censor," It says, "who
licensed tho 'Girl from Maxim's' and
suppressed 'Monna Vanna,' has abun
dantly proved his readiness to tolernto
any Hastiness, provided only that It la
Stanley's Visit to America.
Stanley revisited America several
times In tho course of his eventful life.
He camo over shortly after the I-lv-ingstono
expedition had been com
pleted, ngaln for n locturo tour after
ho had founded tho Congo Frco State
through tho support of tho Drusscls
African International association of
which Leopold, Icing of tho Helglans,
was and Is tho head. This trip was
cut short by tho summons to relievo
Emln Pasha (Dr. Eduard Schnltzer).
Ho rosponded Immediately. Tho last
tlmo ho visited this country was In
1895, when he was seen In Boston nnd
Now York for a short time, and then
travolcd through Canada.
He Must Sign In English.
Somo amusing "correspondence be
Iweon tho lord chancellor of Ireland
nnd Thomas McDonngh Mahony, J. P.,
ulnco September 3, 1903," has boon Is
Bucd as a Urltlsh parliamentary paper.
Mr, Mahony Insisted upon signing his
namo to wnrrants and other docu
ments "In characters which aro alleg
ed to bo those of tho Irish language,"
and persists In tho practice, although
lio has been authoritatively Informed
that It Is Illegal. Tho Justlco of Can
orclveon Insists that his signature Is
his usual one and disputes tho lord
chancellor's law and thorc tho matter
rests, oxcept that ho Is enjoined from
Bitting on tho magisterial bench until
ho gives nssurauco that ho will "sign
magisterial documents in English."
When a man is Just Bwcaring mad
nnd tho wlfo says nothing but Bmllcs
knowingly ho will elthor kill her or
rush out into tho cold world and slam
A smiling countonanco Is is not al
ways an index to tho feelings.
There always Is one to whom our
troubles seom a misfortune.
Those whom wo lovo nnd those who
lovo us aro not always tho ones wo
want to IwVti us or v. ho want us to
Those Who Havo Tried It
will tiso no other. Dcllanco Cold Water
Htarcli 1ms no equal in Quantity or Qual
ity 10 ojt. for 10 cents. Other brands con
tain only 12 oz.
No matter how silly a woman may
bo sho can always find a man who
will lot nor mako a fool of him.
CITC permanently eared. No fit or nerrrasnrM arte
n i w tint dT'i uae of Dr. Kllna'a (lrrat Narre lienor
r. Rami for PllKK W3.0O trial bottla and tnatlae.
lia. It. u. Kilns, tut, wi Arch Street, WUUdelnnla, l
Lots of people would rather send n
dollar to tho heathen than glvo the
poor at homo a pleasant look.
Jim. YTInalow'a nnothtnc Syrup.
For children toetblnit, aoftrni ilia Ruroa, reduce h
ntmmaUoD, allaja pain, curea vrtna culiu. SScabotUe.
Thero cometh tho gentle days of
Bpring when tho borrowed umbrella
ilndeth Its way to tho loan office.
After a fellows being married a few
years ho begins to long for a llttlo
monotony to rellovo tho excitement.
Getting Into society is llko raiding a
beehive. You may find a llttlo honey,
but you risk tho stings.
When a man marries ho should re
Blgn himself to tho lucvltablo ami dofy
fato to do its worst.
When Your Grocer Says
lie does not linve Defiance Starch, you
may bo suro he Is afraid to keep It until
Ills stork of II oz. packages arc sold. Do
Nauru Starch Is not only better than any
other O.ld Water Starch, but contaliiB 16
os to the package and sells for same
money as 12 or. brands.
Some men expoct to ncquiro nil
their good habits In their second
Deceit is an instinct which Is
strengthened by what it finds in oth
ors. The distinction between tho wily
and the wicked Is too fine for the
A woman never forgives tho man
who guefases her ago too generously.
A man makes no particular prog
ress by patting himself on tho back.
Virtue may be Us own reward, but
It is not Us own advertising agent.
No man roaches tho stage of trl
ximph but by tho steps of trial.
The man who takes Ufo as a doso
always finds it a bitter one.
A woman nevor forgives a man who
hints that her feet aro largo.
Revengo is sweet until Its ill of
fsets aro fully realized.
Tho uncertainties of life mako up itr
Character Is crystallized conduct.
TIRED, SUFFERING WOMEN.
Women run down
nnd ondurodnily tor
tures through neg
lecting tho kidneys.
makes housework a
burden; rest is Im
possible; sleep fit
ful; appetite gives
out and you nro
tired all tho time.
Can't be woll until
tho k'dnoys nro well.
Uso Doan's Kidney
Pills, which havo restored thousands
of suffering women to health and
Mrs. Wlllinm Wallace, of IS Capitol
St., Concord, N. II., snys: "I was In
tho early stages of Drlght's Disease,
nud were it not for Doan's Kidney
Pills, I would not bo living to-day.
l'nln in tho back was eo intense that
at night I had to get out of bed until
tho paroxysm of palu passed away. I
was languid and tired and hadn't tho
strength to lift a kettle of water. I
could not work, hut a few doses of
Doan's Kidney Pills relieved mo, and
two boxes absolutely cured mo."
A FREE TRIAL of this great kid
noy medlclno which cured Mrs. Wnl
laco will bo mailed to any part of tho
United States. Address Foster-Mil-burn
Co., Buffalo, N. Y. Sold by all
dealers. Prlco GO cents per box.
Tho tongue can maito tho most sen
sible nppcar to disadvantage.
Free to Twenty-Five Ladies.
Tho Defiance Starch Co. will glvo
25 ladles a round trip tickot to tho
St. Louis Exposition, to five ladles
in each of tho -following states: Illi
nois, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas nnd
Missouri wh will Bend in tho largest
number of trado markB cut from a ten
cent, 10-ounco pnekago of Defiance
cold water laundry starch. This
means from your own home, any
whero in tho nbovo nnTmea states.
These trado marks must bo mailed to
nnd received by. tho Deflanco Starch
Co., Omnha, Nebr., before Soptembor
1st, 1901. October and November
will bo tho host months to visit tho
Exposition. Romembor that Deflanco
is tho only starch put up 10 oz. (a
full pound) to tho package, oti got
one-third moro starch for tho sarao
money than of any other kind, and
Deflanco never sticks to tho iron.
Tho tickets to tho Exposition will bo
sent by registered mall Septomber
&U. Starch for salo by all doalcrs.
Diamonds a Good Investment.
About n year ago a young broker
who had tho shining light of a horrl
bio oxaraplo boforo him, his father'
having lost two fortunes in Wall
Btroot, foil heir to about $30,000 from
tho cstato of an aunt. Ho mado up
his mind that this money would ho
safely invested, and, hearing that dia
monds wcro constantly going up, he
put tho entire sum into tho stones.
Ho bought them at a trlflo below mar
hot value from pawn brokers' sales
shops, retaining tho services of an
export. Ho Bold tho entire lot tho
other day at a profit of ?9,000, over
25 per cont on Ms investment. Dia
monds nro going up constantly, and
tho main supply, tho KImborloy nnd
tho DoDeers mlnos of South Africa,
Is constantly lessening.
When a girl falls In lovo Mommor
nnd Popper might as woll throw up
their hands nnd trust to Providence.
Tho mnn who Jollies othor people
along generally manages to Jolly him
self nlong with them pretty woll,
A World Wide Reputation.
Wherever men nre there will bo Illness
and wherever people uro 111. Dodds Kid
ney l'llb will bo found a blessing. Sole
ly on their merits havo they pushed their
way Into almost every part of tho civil
ized world. Their reputation ns an hon
est medicine that can always bo relied
on has been built up by tho grateful
pralso of thoso who have been cured.
Tho two following letters Indicate Just
how the reputation of this remedy knows
no geographical bounds. Tho sick nnd
suffering all over tle world aro asking
for Dodds Kidney Pills:
Dear Sirs: I havo been suffering from
some mouths from a lvldnoy complaint.
The doctor who attended mo has recom
mended mo to tako your l'llls, "Dodds
Kidney Pills." After two boxes I got
some relief. But unfortunately I liao
not been ablo to go on with the treat
ment, being unable to find any l'llls in
Cairo. Tho Chemist who sold me the
two boxes has Informed me that ho had
bent an order lor sonic, and has been
keeping me waiting for moro than one
mouth. 'J his Is tho reason why I nm
writing to you to request you to have
the goodness to send me by return of
post six boxes for which I will pay ns
soon as 1 receive them from the post.
Kindly let me know at tho same time
where your brunch agency In Kgypt Is to
be found. Thanking you In anticipation,
M dimmed Kaclu-d, "Immeubles fibres do
rKtat," Olllee of the Minister of Finance,
Dear Sirs: I want to purchase six
boxes of Dodd's Kidney Tills, but I don't
know exactly where to apply at liuiTalo
or London. I suppose they can bo sent
by express or registered mall from cither
place, l'leaso udvUe me of how to pro
ceed in order to got the pills without de
lay. Yours truly. J. P. SImouson. VI
bonr, V, ilark, DENMAIIK.
Why don't society editors come
right out and say that it was the
bridegroom who was' "led to tho al
tar?" Having a Plc-nlc.
PIc-NIcs are never complete without
saudwlchos, sweet white bread with
a generous layer of meat between.
Llbby's canned meats aro ideal for
plc-nics and outings. Tho cans nro so
easily opened and tho contents so
fresh and palatable that no plc-nlc is
a success without Llbby'u "Natural
Flavor" Food Products.
A woman can never understand why
Mrs. Noah pormlttod her husband to
bring mice into the ark.
IF TOD D8E I1AI.X. BLUB,
Get Red Cross nail Dine, tbo best Ball Bios,
Largo U oz. pockago only C cenU.
It remalneth to be seen whether
tho real bachelor will succumb to tho
leap-year bachelor maid.
Composed by Rev 1'. r. Dufpt.
1. "Weep, oh, weepl for the
2. "A - vaunt! a - vaunt!" Death's
3. "Peace, sweet peace I" said the
4. Ami voi ccs saner out
5. "In friend - ship's bonds to
-.-.i 1-i-P r j 1 J !"c JlH
sz :gi: '. '' ww ,j g) - s 1 e wgj 'J
strife, Oh, weep!" said the
breath, "They're mine!" said the
cease, And broth - cr meet
Blue. "Here's a mes - sajie O
pray, And point to
; , , , ,
Copyright, 1901, by Dr. F. P. Duffy.
Mr. Ryder 1b the author of the Fourth of July waltzes which appearec
In the July number of the Ladles' Home Journal, "Hear Ye the Voices,'
"The Celestial City," etc.
"BILLY," THE BLOCKADE RUNNER.
It was doso and sultry; no brenth
of air stlrrdd tho pines, and tho mullein-stalks
beside tho roadway were
drooped flat to earth.
Even Lloutcnnnt Thomas Morloy
Gray, as ho sat smoking very methodi
callyas ho did all things upon tho
top rider of a rickety rail fence beside
tho roadway, appeared as utterly ig
norant that two great armies in blue
nnd gray wero doggedly facing each
other in serricl ranks not uwrb than
three miles away, notwithstanding
that ho himself wore a uniform whoso
color belied his name.
When nn hour had passed a long,
dragging hour, during which ho had
alternately fanned himself with his
hat and waged unequal combat with
tho mosquitoes, which, despite tho
smoke, had declared hostilities Gray
put on his hat with a determined air
and slid down from tho fence. As ho
did so ho saw a cloud of dust moving
along tho roadway in his direction.
Then out of tho dust-cloud emerged a
yellow dog, trotting along heavily with
hiB tonguo lolling from his mouth.
"Billy," said Gray, stooping to pat
tho panting beast, "good old Billy.
What what the" ho broke off sud
denly in surprise, for tied to tho dog's
collar was a violet envelope of small
dimensions and tho superscription on
It wa3 his own namo. Gray snatched
tho onvolopo and tore it open.
"Dear old Tommy," he read.
"Humph," he interpolated. "I know
theso 'dear old Tommies' trouble."
Ho again turned to tho note.
"I can't road Chaucer beneath tho
big plno tree with you this afternoon
because I'm going out riding with Mr.
Bennett. Excuso haste and brevity,
but ho is waiting for mo now. I shall
show Billy your gauntlets hero nnd
tell him to find you, which I'm suro ho
will do. Now don't bo angry and
make mo call you 'Tommy Green
"Trusting Billy may find you soon,
Gray surveyed tho cloudless sky for
several tumultuous moments.
"Now, wouldn't that " ho began.
The 8ontenco died in an inane gurglo,
while Gray's faco grew wrathfully
red and great beads of perspiration
stood on his forehead. Then ho tore
a leaf from his notebook, hastily
scrawled a few words and tlod it to
Billy's collar, whero tho other noto
He arose, and, followed by thb dog,
stalked down tho road. When they
came to tho fork Gray pointed down
tho left-hand road and said, sternly,
"Home, Billy. Home, sir." Aftor ho
had watched tho dog trot off dejected
ly Into tho dust he himself went slow
ly up tho other road to sneak his way
back to his company's bivouac.
Lato that evening Billy scrambled
into tho hammock whero his mistress
lay. Sho saw tho note and In tho
dim light from the window bosldo her
read theso words:
"My dear Helen:
"I trust you'll have a pleasant after
noon. Undoubtedly it will bo much
preferable to Chaucer beneath the
pine. Billy reached mo aftor I had
waited several hqurs for you. Tho
tlmo passed very pleasantly, thanks to
tho villainous heat and swarms of
famluo-strtcken mosquitoes. Being
Arranged by I'rbd L. Rtoeo.
d- uj.. i
An - gel
An - gel in
from a -
geth - er
of brave!" Life's An - gel
ous war iu which thev
thee truth, hope, and
ing nc - cents full of
kind ex - am - pies
hate, tur - moil
man gled, gasp
strife for - ev
both, the Gray
think, to act,
fe fr- -A
An - gel of Life
An - gel of Death
broth er in peace."
broth - er for you:
heav'n and lead the way.".
tho bouI of devotion, I shall be delight
ed any afternoon in tho future to gc
through tho Inquisition again for the
sake of tho reward of a similar note
telling mo you are riding with this
latest arrival In town.
"THOMAS M. GRAY."
Tho next afternoon, ns Gray was
getting his men in order for a threat
ened uttnek of the "rebs," Billy again
came trotting up with tho violet en
velope attached to his collar. In tho
shade of somo sumach bushes Gray
snatched time to read tho contents.
"Your latest outburst duly received,
per Billy, Mr. Tommy Green-Eyes.
Pray don't subject yourself 10 heat
and mosquitoes on my account."
The note Billy carried back read as
"Thanks. I had no intention ol
doing so. T. M. G."
Then for a week there was silence
between them. Gray In his anget
cursed tho Confederates for lying on
their arms instead of making things sc
lively that ho would havo a chance tc
cool his rage on them in battle. Bui
Instead ho was obliged to Bit inactive
in camp and dally watch Helen Den
nlson and Hammctt, tho foppish civil
Ian, go tiotting along tho Confederate
front on horseback. No wonder he
But ono evening when tho whole
town was In a ferment over tho wel'
authenticated rumor of long impend
Ing battlo to como on tho morrow
Gray heard a mighty yelping and kl
yl-ing in tho road as ho was sklrtlnj
the camp on a final round of Inspec
tlon. Ho turned back to find Blllj
and a brlndle bull terrier hard at it
With judicious kicks ho managed tc
get them apart, and then his heari
camo into his throat, for attached tt
Billy's collar was a bit of violet en
velope. Gray snatched It eagerly. V
had been sadly mutilated In tho fray
"I'm In terror over what might hap
pen to-morrow. I was Just trying U
mako you Jealous," he read, and lr
another place he mado out, "I'm lono
somo for you, you foolish "
Miss Helen Dennison, sitting on tin
broad veranda of tho cottage, saw t
strange outfit trotting sedately acrosl
tho lawn. .It was Billy a wreath o'
oak leaves about his neck, and tied tf
his tall a small silk flag which flut
tored bravely in the breeze. Proml
nent on the oak wreath was an on
vclopo addressed to herself:
"My dear Helen," sho read, an
laughed softly; "I received but tin'
merest fragments of your note, for B1I
ly tried conclusions with a hull terrlei
with disastrous results. Neverthelesi
enough remained to glvo mo consld
erablo enllghtenmont. Billy's appear
anco when hd reachos you if In
doesn't get Into othor difficulties 01
tho way is tho result of my poor at
tempt to express my state of mind
We'd better make it as early as poa
slble and spend our honeymoon befon
your 'rebs' get mo."
And Lieut. Thomas Morley Gray
who strode up tho gravol walk at tha
momont. boheld Billy struggling fron
tho embrace of a young woman, win
blushed furiously as she saw hln
ptanding there. Barry Paine in Sai
f. c-r r -n : -1
HHwf' -mR' yMzA
BB Y4 JHv ''";v,-. HB
A prominent club
forth, of St. Joseph, Mich., tells how she
was cured of falling of the womb and
its accompanying pains and misery by
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
"Dkau Mrs. Pixkham: Lifo looks dark indeed "when a woman
feels that her strength is fading away and sho has no hopes of ever
being- restored. Such was my feeling a few months ago when I was
advised that my poor health was caused by prolapsus or falling of tho
Womb. Tho words sounded like a knell to me, I felt that my sun. had
set; but Iiydla 13. Pinlchnm's Vegetable Compound camo to mo as
an elixir of lifo ; it restored" tho lost forces and built mo up until my
good health returned to mo. For four months I took tho medicino
daily and each doso added health and strength. I am so thankful for
tho help I obtained through its use." Mns. Florence Danforth,
1007 Miles Am, St. Joseph, Mich.
A medicine that has restored so many women to health and
can produce proof of the fact must bo regarded with respect. This
is tho record of Iiydia 13. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, which
cannot be equalled by any other modicino tho world has over pro
duced. Hero is another case :
m B -4Sk VaO OTl
Mi v y
"FRKE MEDIC AIj ADVICE TO WOMEN."
Women would save tlmo nnd much sickness if they would
writo to Mrs. Pinkham for ndvico as coon as any distressing symp
toms appear. It is free, and has put thousands of women on tho
right road to recovery.
Mrs. Pinkham never violates tho confidence thus entrusted to
her, and although sho publishes thousands of testimonials from
women who havo been benefited by her advice and medicine,
never in all her experience has sho published such a letter without
tho full consent, and often by special request of tho writer.
4ft P ft A ft FORFEIT!' wo cannot forthwith produce tho original letters and ilenituret ol
Xnllllll nhure toiiunoulali, ulilch will proro their absoluto genuineness.
I0W UUU ldla It. l'lnkhaiu Medlcluo Co., Iomn, Mas.
THE MAN BEHIND THE GUN
Is our namo for tho patent Separating
Grato and Check Plate in the famous
RED RIVER SPECIAL THRESHER.
It has tho Big Cylinder, with lots of
concave and open prate surface.
It has the Mnn Behind tho Qun, that
does most of the separating- right at thu
besides these, it has all the separat
ing capacity of other machines.
The average old-stylo binall cylinder
thresher wastes enough grain and time
to pay your thresh bill.
Why not save tho grain ordinarily
put into tho straw stack? Why not
s;rvo tho time which tho ordinarv
threshing outfit wastes for you?
This can ho dono by employing the
RED RIVER SPECIAL.
It runs right along, saving your grain
and saving time, regardless of con
ditions. NBCHOLS &
Builders of Threshers and Engines. Battle Creek. Mich
50 YEARS IN BUSINESS. BRANCH HOUSES AND AGENTS EVERYWHERE.
The Immensity of Russia.
Russia embraces one-sixth of tho
land surface of tho world. It is moro
than fifty times larger than Japan and
has a total area of 8,G50,000 square
miles. Half of Europe and tho whole
of northern Asia are included within
its boundaries. It has a greater con
tinuous area than any other nation in
moans carcrul buying of tho small
things as woll as the largo. Paragon
Typewriter Ribbons bear tho special
guarnnteo of tho Remington Type
writer Company. They soil singly for
75 cents each. If you buy tho Para
gon Ribbon coupon books, you get
them for 58 1-3 cents. Lots of inferior
goods cost moro than that.
Somo of the lowest places In a city
aro likely to bo owned in tho highest.
Important to Mothers.
Examine carefully every bottle of CASTOOTA,
a safe and euro remedy for Infanta and children,
sol ece that It
In Use For Over 30 Years.
Tho Kind You Bare Alwaja Uou;at.
woman, Mrs. Dan-
"Dear Mrs. PijnrnAsi: For years I wa3
troubled with falling of tho womb, irregular
and painful menstruation, leucorrhcea, bearing
down pains, backache, headache, dizzy and
fainting spells, and stomach trouble.
" I doctored for about five years but did
to improve. I began tho use of your
and nave taken seven bottles of
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound,
Blood Purifier, and also used the
Wash and Liver Pills, and am now
good health, and havo gained in flesh.
1 tnanic you very mucn, ior wnat you
havo dono for me, and heartily recom
mend your medicino to all suffering
women." Miss Emma Snyder, 218 East
As the modern self-binder is ahead of
tho old reaper of forty years ago, so is
the Big Cylinder and Man Behind the
Qun ahead of the small cylinder old
Tho old-stylo thresher with its small
cylinder and limited separating capac
ity, has stood for years without much
Tho RED RIVER SPECIAL is tho
crowning improvement in threshing
It is built for modern, up-to-dato
work; to thresh well; to thresh fast;
to biivo tlmo and grain and money for
the thresherman and farmer. It does
it. Thero are reasons why. Send for
our new book on threshing, it gives
them and it is free.
Tho RED RIVER SPECIAL is tho
only machine that has the Mnn Behind
the Qun, and it will save enough extra
grain and tiino to pay your thresh bill.
New Train Service
On nnd after Sunday. April 24th. 1904,
Word's Kair Trains will leave Omalm
Tnlon Station for Kaiibua City and St,
10:45 a. m. 5:30 p. m. 11:45 p. m.
Speclnl rates on sale commenolnK
April 15th. For tickets, berths umt In
formation, cull or nddrcsH Airent Union
Station or TIIOS. I GODFREY
Puss, and Ticket Acent.
S. E. Cor. 15th and Douglas Streets,
Iron or wire, many styled,
rocn;at(lenco. church, ftohool,
cemetery; poultry and hog
fence; farm gules. Scud foi
Chjmpton Iron aid Wire Workt
T1..1 TI.a. ....
OurKoodthelet. I'rlcet the loweit. l'romptbltl
tpenu. Uelltery of all portraits guaranteed' bead
for catalogue !)! agonta' price Hit. Addreaa
ADAM J. KBOUft CO., Hew Era Bld Chicago.
W. N. U.f Omaha, Neb.
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