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CJWtWbnfrM
THE GIRL
ALFWAY
T O R y
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HV R. IIOIG1I, Al'THOR Ul'
Cat friehtid, 190 J, ty
IS
I A S
Attltton
fcxWJWafW
CHAPTER XXIII. Continued.
Now there came upon the face of
Uhe country fnlnt senrs where wheels
had cut Into the hard soli, those va
grant indices of travel not pointing all
one way, and not cut deep, a3 was the
roal highway of the cattle, but cross
ing, tangling, sometimes blending into
main-traveled roads, though more Of
ten straying aimlessly off over the
lirairlo to end a the homestead of
ome farmer. Those new houses were
iark and low and brown, with the ex
ception that oach few miles the travel
er might seo a small frame hottso
painted white. Here ami there over
ihe country were broken rows of little
yellow, faded trees struggling up out
of tho hard earth. The untiring
wheels of windmills could bo seen
vverywhoro at their worts.
In the town of Ellisvlllc tho great
heap of buffalo bones was gone, from
Ihe oido of the railroad track. There
wore many wagons now, but none
brought in bones to pile up the rall
Avny , for even tho bones of the buffalo
v-ero now gone forever.
Tho Land Ofilco was yet at Ellis
vllle, and the rush of settlers was con
tinuous. Elllsville had thirty business
, houses and two thousand inhabitants.
It had large railway shops and the di
vision offices of the road. It had two
choolhouses (always tho schoolhouso
grew quickly on tho "Western soil),
six buildings of two stories, two build
ings of three stories and built of
brick.
The stranger who asked for tho old,
wild days of Elllsville tho Red was
told that no such days had over been.
Yet stay; perhnps there were half n
lozen men who had lived at KllisvJIIe
from the first who could, perhaps, take
ono to the boarding house of Mrs. Daly;
who could, perhaps, (ell something of
the forgotten days or tho past, the
lays of two years ago, before the pres
ent population of Elllsville came West.
Tliei'e was. perhaps, a graveyard, but
the headstones had been so few that
"And what and whe
f& , , ftP r
one could tell but little of It now.
3Iuch of this, no doubt, was exuggera-
Hon. (his talk of a graveyard, of a
doubled street, of murders, of tho
legal killings which served as nrrcsts.
fc jf the lynching, which once passed as
justice. There was a crude story of
tho first court over hold In Elllsville,
but of conree it was mere libel to say
that it was held In the livery barn.
Rumor said that the trial Avas over
the case of a negro, or Mexican, or
Indian, who had been charged with
"mm dor, and who was himself killed
1n an attempt at lynching, by whose
hand it was never known. These
things were remembered or talked
about by but very few, these the old
timers, "tho settlors of two years" ago.
Soniowhoro to the north of the tow,;
and in the center of what was de
clared by. some persons, to be the old
- cattle trail, there was reputed to be
visible a granite boulder, or perhaps it
was a granite shaft, supposed to have
been orcctec with money contributed
by cattlemen at the request of Mrs.
Daly, who kept tho boarding hottso on
a back street. Some ono bad seen this
moruinent, .Mil brought back word
that it had tut upon Its face a slr-piiiar
inscription, namely:
:' JUAN THE LOCO,
: Tho End of the Trail.
This mattor was, of course, not un
derstood by all, nor did many con
cern themselves therewith, men being
now too busy working eight Injurs a
day. It was generally supposed to re
fer to something that had happened In
the t'aya when Elllsville was wrong
fully alleged to have been a cow town
a day far back in the past, in the
tl no of Two Yoars ago.
CHAPTER XXIV.
The Success of Batterslelgh.
One morning when Franklin entered
his office he found his friend Ratter
sleigh there before him. in full pos
session, and apparently at poace with
all tho world. Ho did not hear Frank
lin as ho apprached the door, and tho
latter stood looking in or a momont,
amused at Batterslelgh and his atti
tude and Mekong. When quite happy
RaUorsloigh always sang, and very
ufton his song- was the one he was
iingiiif now, done in a low nasal, oach
AT THE
HOUSE
THE P L A I N S
THU STORY OV THK COWIIOY
tomtiiur, A't 'rk
verso ending, nfter tho vocal fashion
of his race, with u sudden uplift of a
sheer cctnve, us thus:
"I-I-I-'d iluiKf ll-l-l-ko u fn-it-n-lrpo-eo-cp,
For to pee onlil DunWr-e-n-c-e-r!
I-I-I-M think iv'-l-l-lcn e-e-o-r-r I-I-I-'d
Invo It.
For to bc-e-e-o-c- n drnK-o-n-n."
Frnnklin stepped" in and said good
morning. "You seem in fino fettle
this morning, friend," said he. "Very
fine, for an old man."
Batterslelgh squared around and
looked at him soberly. "Ned," said
he, "ye're a dethractor of lnnycince..
Batty ould! Listen to me, boy! It's
fifty years younger 1 am today than
when 1 saw ye last. I'm younger than
ye ivver saw me in all your life be
fore." "And wlmt and where was the foun
tain?" said Franklin, ns he seated him
self at his desk.
"The one fountain of all on earth,
mo boy Succlss succlss! The two
dearest things of life are Succlss and
Rovinge. I'vo found thlm both.
Shure, pfwhat Is that gives one man
tho lofty air an the overlookin' eye,
whero another full his old! In inches
fears to draw tho samo breath o' life
with him? Succlss, succlss, me boy!"
"Well, I suppose you don't mind my
congratulating you on your success,
whatever it mny be," said Franklin,
ns he began to busy himself about his
work at tho desk. "You're just a trifle
mysterious, you know."
"There's none I'd llever have shako
mo by tho hand than yoursllf, Ned,"
said TJatterslelgh, "tho more especial
ly by this rayson, thnt yo've nlvver
believed Jn ould Batty nt all, but
thought him a visionary schnmer, an'
no more. Didn't yo, now, Ned; on
your honor?"
"No," said Franklin stoutly. "I've
always known you to bo the best
fellow in tho world."
"Tut, tut!" said Batterslelgh. "Ye're
dodgln' the Issue, boy. But pfwhat
wild ye say now. Nod, If I should till
yo I'd made over tin thousand pounds
xe was the fountain?"
of good English money since I camo to
this little town?"
"I should say," said Franklin calmly
as he opoued an envelope, "that you
had been dreaming again."
"That's It! That's U!" cried Bat
terslelgh. "Slums ye wild, an I know
It! But come with me to bank this
mornin' an' I'll prove It all to ye."
Something in his voice mado Frank
lin wheel around and look at him.
"Oh, do be serious, Batterslelgh," said
he.
"I'll till yo a secret, which" hereto
fore I've always uegllcted to mlntion
to anybody. Here I'm Henry Batter
slelgh, agent of the British-American
Colonization Society. On. t'other sido
1 might be Cuthbert Allen Wingate
Hall. An' Etcetera, man; etcetera, to
Rod knows what. Don't mlntion It,
Ned. till I've gone away, for I've loved
the life bore so I'vo so enjoyed boln
just Batty, agent, and so forth! Belavo
me, Ned. it's much comfortabler to be
meroly a'- And-soforth thin It is to be
an' Etcetera. An' I've loved yo so.
Ned! Ye're the noblest nobleman I
.Ivver know or Ivor explct to know."
Franklin sat gazing nt him without
speech, and presently Batterslelgh
went on.
"It's a bit of a story, lad," said ho
kindly. "Ye see, I'vo beeu a poor man
all me life, ye may say, though tho
nephow of one of the richest women
In the United Kingdom an' the stin
giest. Instill of doin' her obvnyus juty
an' supportin' her nephow In becomln
station, she marries a poor-little lord
let boy, forsakes me entirely. Wasn't
it liljjus of her? There may have been
raysons satlsfyin' to her own mind,
but she nivvor convinced me that it
was Christian conduct on her part. So
I wint with the Itile Irish, and fought
for the Wlddy. I've been In tho Rile
Irish Ivver since whin not some
where Use; though mostly, Ned me
boy, stone broke, an' ownln no more
than mo bod an' me arms. Yo know
I this, Ned."
After his fashion Franklin snt sllont,
waiting for the other's speech,
"Ned," said Rattorsloigh at length,
"till me, who's the people of tho Intlre
worrld that has the most sorane be
lief in their own shupayrlonty?"
"New-Yorkers," said Franklin
calmly.
"Wrong. Yo mustn't Joke, me boy.
No. It's the English. Shure, they're
the consatedost people in the whole
worrld. An' now, thin, who's tho
wisest pooplo'in tho worrld?"
"The Americans," said Franklin
promptly again.
"Wrong ngln. It's thini snmo d d
tlomlneerin' ldjits, -the ynlly-headcd
subjecks o' tho Wlddy. An' pfwhy aro
they wise?"
"You'll have to tell," said Frank'
llu.
"Then I'll till ye. It's because thoy
hao n s?ncrn fames for all the land on
earth."
"I infer, Batterslelgh." mild Frank
Mn, "thct you .liuvo made a snle."
"Well, yls, A smnll matter."
"A quarter-section or so?"
"A quarter-township or so wild ho
much nearer," said Batterslelgh dryly.
"You don't mean it?"
"Shuro I do. It's a fool for luck;
nllowln' Bntty's a fool, as yo've always
thought, though I've donicd it. Now
ye know tho railroad's crazy fur pop
pylatlon. an It can't wait. The rnll
road offers Batty the Fool fifteen hun
dred acres o' land 'at three dollars tho
acre. If Batty the Fool'll bring Retllers
to it. So I slnds over to me ould
Aunt's country not, yo may suppose,
over the signayturo o' Cubberd Allen
Wigglt-Galt, but as Henry Batterslelgh,
Agent o the British American Coloni
zation Society nn I says to tho prop
er party there, says 1, 'I've fifteen hun
dred acres o' tho loveliest land that
ivver lay out of duros. an" ye may
have it for tho trifle o' fifty dollars
tho acre. Offer It to the Leddy Wig
git,' says I to him; 'sho'B a philan
thropist, an' is for Bottherln' tho I'oro
('savin' porn nephews,' says 1 to me
sllf). 'The Lady Wigglt,' says 1. 'I'll
he sendln' a ship load o pore tlnnints
over here.' snys I, 'an' she'll buy this
l.-yid. Offer It to her,' snys I. So he
did. So she did. She title it. 1 11 be
away before thiin plslnts o' hers comes
over to settle hero, glory bo! Now,
wasn't It uisy? There's no fools Ilka
the English over land, me boy. An
'twas a simple Judgment on mo rev
ered Aunt, the Leddy Wigglt."
"But. BaUerslclgh, look here." said
Frnnklin. "you talk of fifty dollars au
acre. That's all nonsenso why,
that's robbery. Land Is dear here at
ttvo dollnrs an acre."
"Shure It In Ned." said Batterslelgh
cnlmlye "But it's chape in England at
fifty dollars."
"Well, but "
"An' that's not nil. I wrote to thlm
to snd me a mere matter of tin dol
lars an acre, as evidence o' good faith.
They did so' an It. was most convny
nlent for settlln' the little bill o' three
dollars an acre which the railroad had
against me, Batty the Fool."
"It's robbery!" reiterated Franklin.
"It wud 'nvo been robbery," said
Batterslelgh, "had they slnt no more
than that, for I'd 'av' been defrauded
of me just Jiiuh. But wlmt t.o you
think? Tho niunlherln' ould fool, me
revered Aunt, tho Leddy Wigglt, alio
grows 'feared thero Is soma Intlnt to
rob her of her bargain, so what does
she do hut slnd tho entire amount at
wance not knowin', bless mo heart
an' soul, thut she's thus doin' n distin
guished kindness to the mlssln' rela
tive she's long ago forgot! Man,
would ye call that robbery? It's Di
vine Providence, no less! It's justice,
.Man, man. It's happy I am to-day!"
"It looks a good deal like tuklng
advantage of another's Ignorance."
said Franklin nrgumontallvely.
"Sir." said Batterslelgh, "It's taklu'
advantage o' their Wisdom. Tho land's
worth It, no you'll seo yoursllf in time.
Anyhow, the money's in the batik, an'
it's proper dhrunk'll be Batty tho Fool
this night, an' likowlso the Hon. Cub
bord Allen Wiggit-Gnlt. Etcoiera.
There's two of me no,w, an It's twlco
the amount I must bo dhrlnkln". I
swear, I feel a thirst rlsln' that
minds mo o' Ingy in tho hills, an' tho
mess o' tho Rllo Iristy wance again."
"You'll bo going away," said Frank
lin, sadly, as he rose and took Batter
slelgh by tho hand. "You'll bo go
ing away and leaving mo hero alone
awfully alonc.x'
(To bo continued.)
HOW INDIANS ARE NAMED.
Have Various Cognomens at Various
Periods of Life.
Mnjor Frank Terry, who Is In
charge of tho Indian school on the
Pnynllup Reservation, is thus quoted
by tho Tacoma (Washington) Ledger:
"Translations of Indian names, as a
rule, have boon unsatisfactory, though
thero are exceptions. The case Is re
ported from the Pawnee Reservation,
Oklahoma, of an Indian named Coo-rux-ruh-rah-ruk-koo.
The literal in
terpretation of his namo as given to
me is 'Fearing-a-bear-that-Is-wlld.'
With this interpretation the agent
named him 'Fearing B. Wilde.' As
the Indian grows he commits acts
from time to time, each of which
gives him a new name. For example,
he may see a hear and run screaming
to n topee. The folks laugh at him
and call him 'Afrald-or-a-bear.' It ho
braids in ills hair n yellow feather
which he has plucked from the tall of
an eagle, ho may be called 'Eagle-tall,'
'Eagle-feather.' 'Yellow-tall,' 'Yellow
feather.' If lie gives it to his friend ho
will bo known as 'Gives-feather,' but
it ho keeps it, when asked for it, he
becomes 'Keep-tlie-yeHow-feathcr,' if
he has more than one feather. Tho
plan resorted to in some quarters of
discarding tho Indian names and fit
ting the Indians out with names that
nre purely English has not worked
well, for those selected in many cases,
are names illustrious in American his
tory, and this has caused the Indians
to become tho butt of many u Joke.
William Ponn, Fitzhugli Lee, David
B. Hill and William Shakespeare aro
tho names of Indian policemen at tho
Shoshono Agoncy, Wyoming. I my
self havo seen George Washington,
John Quincy Adams. Franklin pierce,
Rip Van Winkle, Allon fl. Thurman
and Hilary A. Herbert ongagod togeth
er in a game,"
. London has ono licensed drinking
place to every 430 inhabitants,
NEWS IN
NO JUNKET CLAIMS ALLOWED.
Auditor Weston Puts a Stop to Un
' authorized Expenses.
LINCOLN. In discussing .stnto af
fairs Auditor Woston said ho did not
intend to nllow any claims for junket
trips thnt the legislature had not spo
ol llcally provided for by appropriation.
Tho auditor holds that If the legisla
ture wanted nny state officer or em
ploye or appointee to make n trip It
would hnve made an appropriation to
pay the expenses.
Thero has been much controversy
over the allowance of claims and the
tnnd Auditor Weston took In turning
down tho claims of three officers of
tho Nallonnl Guard by reason of their
trip to Florida, has been favorably
commented upon over the state. Re
cently the Stnto Board of Public
Lands and Buildings sent o"t n com
mittee, Incltiding Architect Tyler, to
look up normal schobl buildings, mid
ono of the members filed his claim
for allowance. It was Intimated that
Auditor Weston would refuse to nllow
tills and the inombei' wlthdrow It.
HANGS HIMSELF IN HIS KITCHEN.
Body of Farmer Found Several Days
After Death.
GRAND ISLAND. Nicholas Trodo,
a bachelor farmer, residing alone on
his farm seven miles west of this city,
wnH found dcud In the kitchen nt his
home, he having hanged himself. Judg
ing from tho condition of the Jiody,
tho net must havo been committed
Sattirdny tir possibly Friday. Tho
last seen of him was in this city
on Friday afternoon. A neighbor, not
ing tho fact that thero had boon no
signs of llfo at the place, called and
upon looking through tho window saw
the man suspended to a rope, with
the knees almost touching the Moor.
A brother, residing at some dis
tance, tind neighbors were summoned
nnd they decided to Immediately call
tho coroner. Coroner Sutherland and
Sheriff: Taylor returned from tho scene
and found Hint no inquest was nec
essary. Outbreak of Pneumonia.
TEKAMAIL Tokaniah Is having
quite a serious epidemic of pneumo
nia, which has been raging lor several
weeks. While there has been compar
atively few deaths so far u number arc
very seriously III at tho present time.
Four or five trained nurses nre hero
from Omaha now, and the physicians
are said to bis the busies- persons
in town nt'the present, time. Ono doe
tor snld ho had eighteen calls in one
dav that ho could not answor.
Collapse of a Shaky Bridge.
DUNBAR. A fifty-foot combination
bridge across Wiison creek, uboul
three miles south of Dunbar, went
down Monday under tho weight of
fifteen head of cattle belonging to
John Mead. One was instant ly killed
and a number of others were badly
crippled. The bridge had for some
time been In an unsafo condition, but
up to the time of Its Collapse it had
been In uso for all kinds of teaming.
Poisoned by Kraut.
NORFOLK. The family of Ernest
Hnrtman was almost wiped out of ex
istence because they had eaten saner
kraut for supper. The kraut contained
poison, which laid them all out short
ly after they had eaten. A lew of tho
children did not ent any of. the food
nnd thoy summoned a doctor. Tho
poisoning was accidental.
Oil Inspection Payo.
Chief Oil Inspector Edward Church
filed his report for February with the
governor, The total receipts wero
$1,979.40; expenses. $911.51. He turn
ed over to tho treasurer $1,0:17.80.
Negligent About Report.
A number of state institutions,
though frequently warned and re
quested to do so, have fulled and are
continuing to fall to send a monthly
report of tho doings of the institu
tions to tho secretary of state. These
institutions are requested to do this
nnd unless tho various superintend
ents conform to the requirements It
Is not unlikely that drastic measures
will bo taken to compel them to.
Two Brothers Are Dead.
LINCOLN. While attending tho
Dewey trial at Norton, Kas., ex-Adjutant
General L. W. Colby lecelved the
news of the C g th of two of his broth
ers. Dr. D. R. Colby was Injured In
a runawny at Beatrice, and died Mon
day morning. At the same hour Liv
ingstone Colby died of heart trouble
at Freeport, 111.
Good Prospect for Fruit.
TABLE ROCK, Tho rajn and snow
of last week has thoroughly moistened
the earth and tho warm sun since has
mado the fields of winter wheat look
green and promising. Examination o?
tho fruit buds lndicato that tho pros
pect for a crop of fruit. Is excellent.
Prof. Bowen Is Retained.
DAKOTA CITY. Prof. O. It. Bowen,
present principal of our schools, has
been netalnod by tho school board for
the same position for uoxt year and
tho presont grammar teacher, Miss
Mary Easton, has also boon retained.
Crusade Against Extract.
LINCOLN. Impure lomon oxtract
has aroused tho wrath of Food Com
missioner Thompson. Ho is examin
ing und testing cortaln brands ,aud
will shortly mnko an oxtondod nnd
detailed report of the ingredients.
NEBRASKA m:
THE STATE IN BRIEF.
A company of surveyors was In Ed
gar surveying and setting stakes for
a north and south railroad, which
they said was to be the Winnipeg.
Yankton (lull rond.
At Dnkota City, Dave Burton was
sentonced by County Judge Elinors to
twenty days in tho county Jail, hav
ing pleaded guilty to the charge of
stealing $2t In money lrom. his stop
lather. Sheriff Flsk of l.nne county, Ore
gon, left Fremont with William Jen
nings, who Is wanted at Eugene, Ore.,
for a serious crime, u requisition for
his return having been granted by
Oovcrior .Mickey,
It is expected thnt a now snvlngs
bank will soon be organized In Fre
mont. It will be tho third Institution
or Its kind thero and will bq tho sev
enth hnnk. Stockholders of tho First
National bank aro behind the project,
but the new concern will have Mb
quarters elsewhere .than with tho par
ent hnnk.
The personnl property of William
O'Dcll, thu Leigh mnn who loft his
family, was sold on the streets by his
father-ln-lnw, H. J, Whcolor. This
property was assigned to Mr. Wheolor
before O'Dell disappeared. Tho prop
erty which wiib left amounted to nbout
$350, while the amount owed Mr.
Wheolor wns nbout $800.
The mills at Arlington and Bcnnlng'
ton have been compelled to shut down
on account of the Bcnrclty of wheat.
Tho railroad rate war has resulted in
carrying off tho remainder of last
yenr's crop, to Chicago, and thero la
llttlo prospect that those mills will bo
able to do much grinding beforo tho
now crop is harvested.
The board of secrotarloB of tho
State Board or Health decided to hold
two examinations to tost tho ability
of the young men to practice medi
cine, the first of which will occur on
April 21 und 22 and the second on
Juno 1 and 2. A resolution wns ndopt
od, however, specifying thnt next year
only ono examination would bo held.
The officers of tho Firth bank, which
wns entered by burglars the other
night, who woro frlghtcnod awny be
fore forcing open tho snfo, bolievo
they havo a eluo to tho two men who
did the. work. According to tho de
scription of Ihe parties sent tho police,
they occupied quarters In tho city Jnll
tho night beforo thu raid on tho bank
was made.
Objectionable shows will bo barred
at the coming state fair and Instead
tho fair mnnngoment will conduct a
first class show of Its owu. This wns
decided at a mooting or tho board of
managers, and Superintendent Mas
sett was Instructed to correspond with
tho boards of neighboring states with
a view to forming n circuit for a good
vaudeville cotupnny.
Edwnrd Waugh, nt ono time a clerk
In tho office of County Tronsurcr Mc
Laughlin of Lancaster county, Is un
der nrorst at Thebes, III,, and will ho
brought back to Lincoln, charged with
embezzling $3,000 from the calmly.
Waugh is nccttsed of Issuing receipts
tor money and falling to keep on file
In the treasurer's ofilco duplicate re
ceipts. By this means. It is ulleged.
ho was able to collect a largo amount
of monoy of which there Is no record
In tho office of tho treasurer.
Charles E. Holmes, who was sen
tenced to serve II vo years at hard la
bor In tho penitentiary by Judge Paul
.lessen, has been taken toLlncoln by
Sheriff J, 1). McUride. Tho prisoners
general appearance has undergono a
great change since he wns brought to
Plattsmouth from Springfield, O.,
about four weeks ago, for trial on the
charge of perjury. It is understood
thnt his attorneys will inako another
effort In Ills behalf by submitting tho
caso to the supremo court.
At n preliminary hearing before Jus
tice Gladwihlt in Seward, Burt Mey
.era was bound ovor to tho May term"
of the district court in the sum or
$1,000, on the charge of rape, prefer
red by Miss Livonia Egoir or Cordova,
Nob.
Work on tho new buildings to be
erected on tho burned space rrom
tho fire or last October In Milford, has
begun in earnest. Mr. Wortham or
Seward, who has tlvi contract for the
four new brick bulluings, arrived with
a large force of men and began work.
Triplets havo been born to Mrs. J
J. Green at Plattsmouth nnd will go
through life as Theodore Roosevelt,
William Jonnlngs Bryan and Grovor
Cleveland.
Dr. P. .1. Flyun has brfan nppolnt'ed
pension examining surgeon at O'Neill,
Neb.
Five carloads or boot seed Imported
horn Germany was received by the
Standard Sugar company at Leavitt.a
row days ago for distribution among
lit; growers.
Tho old settlers or Pawnee county
will hold their annual picnic July .
27 and 28. 1904.
Mrs. .Maud Morris or Humboldt lias
sued for divorce from Frank Morris,
a barber, alleging that he had auoth
er wife at the time br their mar
riage. Charlos E. Holmos or Plattsmouth
has been sentenced to fi yoars In
the penitentiary for perjury.
The l.nwrence Telephone compaii
of Lawrence has Increased .its capital
stork to $5,000. according to amended
article filed with the secretary of
state.
' Tho Law and Order league of Hast
ings has endorsed the democratic can
didate for mayor.
ErP
H!??9BHt H
yNO
Not His Usual Line.
Mr. Sclph She thought I wns rather
severe. She said she didn't think
It wns llko mo to talk of others bo.
Miss Bitter And It wasn't llko you.
cither.
Mr. Solph Think' not?
Miss Blttor No; you generally talk
about yourself. Philadelphia Longer.
Too Early for Him.
"Tho conditions seem to bo unfavor
nble," admitted tho franco medium. ' I
nm uunblo to get any communication
from your Into husband."
"Woll, I'm not nt nil surprised," re
piled tho widow. "It's only 9 o'clock
now nnd John never did show up till
nbout 2 a. m."
For Remembrance.
Glbbs Hallo! You've got a knot in
your handkerchief. What's that for?
Tlbbs Oh, my wife's gone to her
"mother's for n few days, and that knot
Is to remind mo thnt she told mo to
think of her in her absence. Plck-Me-Up.
' The Main Thing.
lur. Nervey Miss Roxley, I adoro
you. Will you be my wife?
Miss Roxloy (haughtlly)The Idea
of your proposing to a girl I if my sta
tion! You should know better,
Mr. Nervey 1 do" know better, but
no richer.
A Movable Feast.
Boarder Why in eroatlon did you
ring tho breakfast bell at 1 o'clock
this morning?
Cook Tho mistress hoard it thun
dering nnd told inw to hurry up and
serve brenkfnst before the millc
soured. New York Weekly.
How It Happened.
Brownovlch Enpock's wife doesn't
Ja'w him llko Hhe rormorly did.
Smlthlnskl Tho -worm finally
turned, oh?
Brownovlch No, It wnsn't thnt; sho
had some kind of throat trouble and
lost hor voice.
, His Point of View.
"Out," protested the typowrlter
bonder, "Adum wnsn't contented
without a wife."
"Porhnps not," rejoined tho old
bachelor, "hut nt thnt stage of tho
game he didn't know anything of good
or evil."
Tangles It All Up.
Towno It's a fact that a person
with u strong imagination has abso
lutely no head for figures.
Bowue Don't you beliovo IL When
my wife gets her Imagination to work
upon her ago she can make arithmetic
look sick.
Willing.
"Why, my dear man," declared the
hypnotist, "by making a few simple
passes beiore your eyes I can make
you forget that you are married."
"Go ahead," said tho other. "I've
been trying to forgot It for ten years."
An Easy Matter.
Giles Congress could settle this
woman's suffrage business in short
order If it was to go about it In the
right way.
Miles How?
(lies By enacting a law compell
ing women to vole. Then they would
n't want to.
A Cautious Youth.
"Bobby, your father wants to sea
yon."
Tho boy looked dubious.
"Do I want to see him?" ho naked.
"How should I know?"
"You ought to be able to tell by tho
look in ills eye."
The First Sufferer.
Diogenes wns discovered with his
tantoni.
"I uso it," he explained, "to seo tho
;as after I havo lighted t."
Hopuloisly he continued his quest
'or au honost man or gas company.
Harper's Bazar.
A Church Sleeper.
Parks Do you know our minister
at all?
I,ano Oh, I havo a nodding ac
quaintance with him. Exchange.
SiUU
