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A g. o. p. organ in Lincoln,
Run by men who aro guiltless of thincoln
Spends the whole of its timo
In delving in slime
And its columns forever arc stincoln.
President Roosevelt announces that
his swing around the circle will be
strictly non-partisan, and every repub
lican campaign committee in the west
is urging him to visit it in the hope of
strengthening the g. o. p. cause.
"Why do you assert that this man
is insane?"
"I saw him try to lift himself over a
fence by his bootstraps."
"Are you a competent witness?"
"I nm, sir."
"Well, didn't I hear you advocating
a tariff for protection on the ground
that the higher the tariff the easier it
is to get manufactured goods?"
Senator Quay started to take a bath
a few days ago. Ho turned on the hot
water and in a fit of ' absentmindedncss
stepped into the .tub. As a result he
laid up with" a pair of scalded feet.
This is retribution. Now Quay knows
how Pennsylvania feels after ho has
kept it in hot water so long.
They do sav that Jim Hillis calling
off all political pass distributors and a
lot of g. o. p. politicians aro worrying
themselves to a fraazle.
Every trust in the country is yelling,
"Let well enough alonel"
Roosevelt "Aro, the gatling guns
aboard and properly equipped with
ammunition?"
Root "They arc."
Roosevelt "And is the cargo of
rum complete?"
Root "Yes, sir."
Roosevelt "Plenty of lyddite shells?"
Root "Yes, sir."
Roosevelt "Plenty of funnels for
administering the water cure?"
Root "Yes, sir."
Roosevelt "Is there a Bible on
board?"
Root I don't know, sir, but I'll go
and see."
Roosevelt "Oh, never mind the
Bible. I guess we've got enough with
out it. Just send the soldiers aboard
and give the signal to sail to Manila
and take part in the glorious work of
carrying Christianity and civilization
to the natives."
, "You say that if you can get to
Washington you are sure of landing a
fat federal job?"
"I know it. I've got a pull that's a
sure winner."
"What is your pull?"
"I'm the only man in Nebraska that
ain't the original Roosevelt man."
It is extremely kind of the Union
Pacific railway to pay the salary of
Nebraska's attorney general, but what
is the use of keeping F. Nit Prout on
the pay roll?
LIGHTNING CHANGE.
; He showed his teeth in frenzy fine,
, - Said he'd tackle
Trusts and shackle
'Em, you bet.
And whooped 'cr up along the line,
Said he'd tackle
Trusts and shackle
'Em, you bet.
Went around the Whitehouse stamp
ing day by day;
Kept the wire's sizzling hot from Oys
ter Bay,
And the only thing you ever heard
him say
"I will tackle
Trusts and ehackle
'Em, you bet!"
But now he's got a bug for fair,
He is crying
For fat-frying
In his aid.
Wants to get another season in the chair
So he's crying
For fat-frying '
In his aid.
He's been talking through his battered
- old felt hat,
For the trusts have got him down and
got him pat,
And he's greasy with the corpora
tion fat
And he's shrieking
And he's seeking
For their aid.
v
.One of the anthracite mine owners
asks the mine owners to have confi
dence in the Christian gentlemen into
whose lands God has entrusted the
great coal fiolds. Hell is full of such
Christians as those who, operate the
anthracite coal fields.
It is reported that Justice Slu'ras is
about to retire. If he docs it is to be
hoped that a less acrobatic justice will
be appointed. Shiras jumped straight
up in the air and turned a back sum
mersault on the income tax decision.
It didn't take him twenty-four hours
to change his mind, and though it may
be contempt of court and "attacking
the integrity of the judiciary," the
Herald has no hesitancy in saying
that it believes Justice Shiras was in
fluenced by lucre instead of law.
Editor Wheaton of the Kearney
Democrat says Mr. Bryan's now house
will cost 50,000. Mr. Bryan's new
house won't come as near costing $50,
000 as Editor Wheaton comes to being
a pimple-headed prevaricator.
The mine operators declare they
will nover recognize the miners' union.
But that's nothing. The operators
would never recognize the government
if they couldn't control it.
Mr. John N. Baldwin of Council
Bluffs, Iowa, is the busiest man in the
state of Nebraska. In addition to be
ing attorney general of Nebraska he is
mayor of North Platte," chief advisor
of Governor Savage, assistant general
solicitor of the Union Pacific, handles
the wires that make "our man Mickey"
jump, paces Dave Mercer in the First
congressional district and directs the
movements of the Omaha fire and po
lice commission. These are busy
days for jour Uncle Johnnie.
'V
If Mr. Mickey will go out to that
little farm, lift up the well platform
and look carefully he will see a hole
similar to one into which he will drop
with a dull, sickening thud on Novem
ber 4.
A year ago Mr. Roosevelt spoke
feelingly about "shackling cunning."
After several months of careful consid
eration he intimates that he really
meant to say '"assess cunning" for
campaign purposes.
The "twister" that passed to the
north of Hemingford a few days ago
may have been Chairman Babcock of
the national, republican . congressional
committee trying to straighten out the
kinks in his tariff revision record.
'V
Secretary Shaw is suffering from
a sore throat. The sore throat was
superinduced by the secretary shoving
his foot down his throat until his in
step scratched his soft palate.
Speaking about Mr. Bryan being a
"political dead duck," perhaps a query
will bo pertinent. If he is dead how
comes it that he has enough invita
tions to lecture to keep him busy for
the next sixteen months, even though
he lectured three times a day and five
times on Sunday?
Everybody as is anybody knows
Dick Ramey. He is one of the best
democrats that ever packed a sample
case and started out to sell goods. He
is a Kentuckian by birth but has been
traveling in the west so long that he
has lost most of his Kentucky accent
but not a bit of his Kentucky judgment
of that which made her distilleries
famous.
A few weeks ago Ramey was sept
into Missouri by his firm to sell a bill
of goods to a new banking establish
ment. He got into town late at night
and registered from Lincoln, Nebraska.
In the morning he ate his breakfast
and went out in front of the hotel to
get the fresh air. He noticed a lot of
farm teams driving in and the people
all dressed in their best.
"What's going on today?" he asked.
"Harvest Home picnic," said the
landlord.- "Wo have one this time
every year. Biggest thing in the
county. We'll have 5,000 people here
today."
Ramey was delighted because it
promised to be a beautiful day and he
could not get out of town till the follow
ing morning. He sat and watched the
crowds coming in, admiring the rosy
cheeked maidens and eyeing the horses
Avith the proper Kentucky spirit. While
thus engaged ho noticed a couple of. men
looking at him and whispering botweon
themselves. Finally one of them ap
proached him and asked:
"Aro you from Nebraska?"
"Yes, sir; Lincoln."
"Well, we want you to make a
speech for us this morning." -
"Want me tp make a apeeoh!" e?
claimed Ramey.
"Yes. You 6ee it's this way. We
qugagod a Kansas City lawyer to do
tkc orating liere today, and ho failed
to arrive last night. We've just got a
telegram saying ho can't come. We've
advertised a big speaker and we've got
to have one. That's why we ask you
to help us out."
"But I'm no public speaker," said
Ramoy. "I'm a traveling man."
"That's all right, mister. You may
bo a traveling man, but I'll bet you
can make a good speech."
"What makes you think so?"
" 'Catisc we've heard thirty or forty
Nebraska men speak and every one of
them is a crackcrjack. All Nohraa
kans arc orators and by jings youv'o
got to make the talk."
Boing to all intents and purposes a
genuine Nebraskan, Ramey could not
do otherwise than to stand up for Ne
braska, so he said he'd talk.
And he did.
If properly approached and handled
just right, Ramey will show a letter
inviting him to bo the orator at the
1903 Harvest Homo festival. That
ought to prove that ho acquitted him
self with credit and held up Nebras
ka's reputation.
Arrogant capital will recognize labor
unions just as soon as organized labor
votes together at the ballot box.
It's Cool In Colorado.
August 23, 24, 30, 31.
September 1 to 10.
On the above dates the Burlington Route
will sell round trip tickets to Denver, Col
orado Springs, Pueblo and many other
points in Colorado at extremely low rates.
For Sale Chcnp
The B. & M. hotel at Marsland. It is a
good two story house ot twelve rooms, a
good well and pump, a cellar and out
buildings. Would take part in stock,
John Irion, Marsland, Neb.
Tor Sale.
House arid lot near school house and
barn in southwest part of town. Also sixty
head of horses and one Shire stallion.
Sprv & Soder.
Bargains in Dry Goods, at the Fair Store.
Newberry'" Hardware Establishment.
$$$$$$$(
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NBWBBRRY
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If
X-J EADQUARTERS for all kinds of Galvanized Steel,
Dip Supply and Water Tanks.
Agent for Chloro Naptholeum. If your cat
tle have the Itch or Lice, try this disinfectant.
It is a sure cure.
Carry a full line of Builders' and Shelf Hardware,
Stoves, Wagons, Buggies, Windmills, Pipe and Cylin
ders.
JW
Nebraska Stnto Pair.
Low rates to Lincoln via Burlington
route. September 1 to C, the Burling
ton route will sell round trip tickets to
the State Fair grounds, Lincoln, nt
half rates, plus admission.
Splendid attractions have been pro
vided for 1002's fair, which will bo the
"big show" of tho west. Cash pre
miums, aro offered to tho extent of
$30,000.
During the fair tho Burlington route
will run stub trains between Lincoln
and the fair groumU at frequent Inter
vals. Fare, J cents each way.
Ask the nearest Burlington ngent
for further Information.
Two of Our Churches.
auu
.First
T&aWs Cvuvcv
One Mock It'esf and Two
Mocks North ot
TIMES BUILDING.
Guouok Collins Jkffkrs, Pastor.
Thornton & Co.'h Announcement.
I
The People Who Sell
raZIB GrOOIDS
Because They Make the Prices.
IP
Gasoline, per gallon 20c
Coal Oil, per gallon 18c
Victor Flour, per 5o-pound sack.. ..... $1 15
High Patent Flour ........... 1 00
Seven Bars Lenox Soap 25c
One Gallon Catsup 70c
One Gallon Vinegar ..... 30c
Potatoes, per peck 10c
Newport Flakes 16c
& Fresh Meats. &
Porter House Steak, per pound 15c
Loin Steak 15c
Round Steak 12 jf c
Chuck .. , roc
Boiling Beef 6c
Sunday School..... 10.00 a.m.
Preaching 11.00 a.m.
Junior Meeting. 3,00 r. m.
C. H. Meeting 7.15 p.m.
Preaching 8,00 p.m.
Prayer Servico.Thursday. 8.00 p.m.
j A Hearty Welcome &
TO ALL SERVICES.
T&fcvo4s
StfvscoaV
...Church.,,
-
AX.r.TAJCCH,
HEV. CO,
PASTOR,...
- K1Q13IIASKA.
HORN, PH.D.,
i
S
SUNDAY SERVICES.
Sunday School. , 10.00 a.m.
Preaching. ... .11,00 a.m.
Class Meeting 12.00 M.
Junior Epworth League. . 3.00 PvM.
Ep worth League 7.00 p. m.
Preaching 8.00 p. m.
Prayer Servlco,Thursd8y. 8.00 p.m.
Crcryono Is Welcomed to
AH Services.
m
m
m
t a8ieg8B
.Miscellaneous Advertisements.
Yours Respectfully, ThOmtOll & CO,
Lumber and minding Material.
J
! Forest Lumber Co. I
DEALERS IN
3WV TSaw&s 0 xmW axvd i
BsaV&Vcv$ TftataviaV
Estimates Cheerfully Given.-
WE MAKE ALL
KINDS OF....
iTTTTTTTTV7tTTVTTTTTVTTTTrTTTVTTTTVTTVyTTTTTrf'rfTl
NELSON FLETCHER,
Fire Insurance Agent
REPRESENTS THE FOLLOWING
INSURANCE COMPANIES.
Hartford Fire Insurance Co.
North American of Philadelphia.
Phccnix of Brooklyn, New York.
Continental of Now York City,
Niagara Fire Insurance Co.
New York Underwriters, New York.
Commercial Union Assurance Co.,
of London.
Liverpool, London and Globe In
surance Co.
German American Insurance Co.,
Now York.
Farmers and Merchants Insurance
Co., of Lincoln.
Columbia Firo Insurance Co,
Philadelphia Underwriters.
Phoenix Insurance Co., of Hart
ford, Conn.
Office Up-Stnlrs,
Fletcher Jilock.
Alliance, Nebraska.
1 diamonds, Watches,
Gold Jewelry,
Souvenirs
Repairing in all its . Hail orders promptly
Branches. -w attended to.: -
AI. O. Barnes,
Jeweler and Optician.
STCOK TANKS,
AND A
TY OF
SPECIAL-
DIPPING VATC. ?
e
Dierks' Lumberi Coal Co.
-FOR-
Lumber and Building
Materials...
va&mffKi.
Coa awA ADooi.
We Con Also Make You ". ' - - -. .
a Loan In the . W
Nebraska Central Building and Loan Association
SO AS TO HELP YOU GET A HOME.
-JOHN PILKINGTON.
(Brain, jflour anb tfeeh.
0 AAAAAAAAAAO ttAtAiAlrtt i44A4AA
SOI-iBJ ufttGUdDNT FOR,
The Aurora Milling Company.
A One Flour,
PER SACK 8 1. ro
500 POUNDS, CASH 10,50
AAA
I.cavo Your Orders for Alfalfa.
TTTffryTTVTTTtwTTTVVTTTTTyVTTtTtTV
The Herald has the best equipped Job Office in the
west, and turns out the best work.
Victor Lodge, Number 10, Iiulfihts of
Pythias.
Meets every Tuesday evening at 8
o'clock, at Bell's hall. Visiting members
in the city cordially invited to attend,
. C. A. RanWn. O. C.
J. T; O. Stwrt, K. of R. and; S.
Tho Hbbald has the best Job Office
in western Nebraska, and turns out
the beat work. ,.
"We are not Bricks but we make' thenv
Rat St Petoe.