THE CLUMSY MAN.
Tow Ca Never Up Sure of What III"
Next llnak Will He.
The great virtue ubotit the really ,
clumsy man Is that he never exhausts
his capabilities. When you think that
tlie bedrock Is michixl, there la still n j
lower dentli. If n detrimental relative
should taint, the clunnjr ninn nska nft
er his health with great pnitleulnrlty
nnd will not bo nt lulled until lie re
ceives a full nnil detailed reply. .Should
there he nny Incident In your past
which everybody has generously agreed
to forKCt It Is the clumsy man who
Bclr.o the one, the Inevitable opportu
nity, when the club Is at Its fullest nnd
says loudly; "Somebody was talking;
the other day about that unfortunate
little affair of yours In '05. Now tell
me!"
When on meeting him you say ensu
ually and with no doslro for Informa
tion, "How aro you 7" ho Insists on tv
lng you complete data, and ho In as full
of small complaints as a refractory
pauper. It 1h only fair to add that he
will ask affectionately after the colds
of yesteryear, and hlf favorite locale
for this Is at the corner of a drafty
street, lie might bo subsldb.ed by In
fluenza or he might get a commission
on sore throatH from his eagerness to
pin you Into tho most dangerous posi
tion that can be discovered.
One desires an adequate amount of
sympathy In distress, but our man al
ways goes a little beyond this point.
You aro growing thin, and he says that
you aro wasting away to a shadow.
You are growing stout, and ho tells an
unamuslng nnecdote about apoplexy.
Ho can bo moro critical than a hair
dresser If occasion gives tho least ex
cusePhiladelphia Ledger.
WATER RIGHTS INVIOLATE.
BJtrlnK nnil Wlln In Pnlestlno Aro
t'ottrrtcit tr Severe l.nvr.
Water Is the most precious thing In
Palestine, and the laws which protect
springs and wells are very severe.
Most of tho wells are artillclal, lllch
men at very great expense have chis
eled basins and reservoirs out of the
rocks to receive tho How from springs,
and In many places where no springs
could be found they have drilled
through tho llmostone a hundred feet
and sometimes twice that dlstanco to
the artesian basin.
None but very rich sheiks can afford
such an expenditure. Nevertheless,
thoy hnvo not only been the greatest
benefactors of their fellow men, but
those who have sunk wells and built
fountains have erected monuments to
their fame more enduring than palaces
or temples or shuftn of gmulte.
Tho temple of Solomon has vanished
forever, but the pools which ho wnlled
up with masonry and lllled with water
still remain. The wells that Abraham
and Jacob drilled In the rock as acts
of piety as well as power aro as Im
mortal as their names and will live for
ever as long aa men feel thirst.
According to a Just custom of the
country, water rights could never bo
forfeited. No man who owned n well
might refuse his neighbor water for
his family or his Hocks, but the lord
of tho spring was inviolate. No cred
itor or enemy could tnlco his water
rights away from him. To Injure or
fill up n well waB an unpardonable
crime. When tho Philistines threw
earth and stones Into tho well of Abra
ham, they Intended to challenge him
to a war of extermination. These cus
toms and regulations rcmnln today.
Chicago Itecord-Hcrald.
A UNIQUE DORMITORY.
One Thnt In Owned by the Uitlveralf y
of the South.
Dean HolTninn was noted for char
itable Impulses, which his large Income
allowed him to Indulge In. Some years
ago tho dean Invested heavily In land
In a small southern town which was
then enjoying a "boom" period. Among
tho dean's other Investments was a
beautiful little hotel, exquisitely ap
pointed nnd perfect lit every detail.
After awhile the "boom" foil through,
nnd the llttlo hotel became a losing In
vestment. At this time the chancellor of tho
University of tho South, an old friend
of Deau Hoffman, was on a hunting
trip with him In tho mountains of
North Carolina.
"Wo aro badly In need of a dormitory
down at Suwanee," said tho chancel
lor. "Yes," said Hoffman and sat think
ing for n moment. "Well, you can have
tho hotel building down at H ," nam
ing the town. "You can tnko It to
pieces nnd rnovo it to Suwanee. It
ought to mnko a pretty llttlo dormi
tory." Tho chancellor was greatly pleased
and made all tho arrangements to
movo tho hotel, when, to his nstonlsh
inent, tho citizens of tiio town obtained
nn injunction against Its removal on
tho grounds that tho hotel In n way
was public property and thnt to re
move It would leave the town without
any hotel accommodations. A legal
light followed, but the university won
out In tho end. So the University of
tho South revels In tho luxury of tho
most unlquo dormitory In tho world.
Now York Times.
THE ARABS OF YEMEN.
The Home of the KlmlcrKnrten.
Tho Jnpanese hnvo the most perfect
kindergarten system In the world, in
fact, they originated this method of In
structing by entertainment Instead of
by punishment Indicted. Their play ap
paratus for such purpose Is elaborate,
but all of It Is adapted to the Infant
mind, which It Is designed at once to
amuse and to Inform. The little ones
of Japan even become somewhat inter
ested In mathematics by seeing and
feeling what a pretty thing u cone, n
sphere or a cylinder is when cut out
of wood with a lathe. They mnko out
lines of solid llgurcs out of straw, with
green peas to hold the Joints together,
nnd for tho Instruction of the blind lint
blocks are provided with the Japanese
characters raised upon them.
A. Story AVhleh Throw u Strong
I.lKht Their Character.
Tho Times of India tells tho follow
ing story to show the character of the
Arnbs of Yemen. A man of Zaranlks
who several times cut the telegraph
lines nnd who was punished more than
once was caught on one occasion by
nn Arab sheik In charge of the lines.
Tho shell; Intended to send him to
Mcedy for Imprisonment, but tho wife
of tho nccused came In nnd stood as a
guarantee for his future good behavior.
Tho sheik uccepted the ball nnd re
leased him, but shortly afterward ho
again resorted to his old practice of
cutting tho wires and bolted nwny to
another vlllngo at a distance of a day's
march, where ho had another wife.
Tho Bhelk then sent for his flrst wife,
who stood security for him, nnd told
her ho would disgrace her among tho
Arabs If sho failed to bring In her hus
band. Tho woninn asked tho sheik not to
"spread the black Bhcct" (a custom of
tho country when any ono commits n
breach of trust) until tho following
day. She started that night, taking a
sharp dagger concenled under her
clothes, to the village where her hus
band wns staying. She found him
asleep In his abode and stabbed him,
cut his throat and carried his bend
back to her home. The next morning
sho went to tho sheik nnd presented
tho head of her husband, saying: "Here
Is your criminal, and I am freed from
tho bnll. Please do not ndlx tho blnck
Bheet." London Telegraph.
ItiiutimilA ItemcillpN.
However hopeless you may consider
your case, be slow to tly to drugs for
relief from Insomnia. A rubber bag full
of broken ice applied to tho back of
the neck and a hot water bag at the
f cot aro highly recommended as a reme
dy for insomnia even In obstinate cases.
Tho circulation is equalized by this
treatment.
Tho secret of hot milk euro also rec
ommended for sufferers from Insomnia
lies In sipping tho beverage. The act
of Blowly Bwallowlng tho liquid Is
soothing In Its effect and generally
produces tho much desired drowsy feel
ing which leads to tho coveted sleep.
Illuh Tciuiicriiture.
Tommy had had pneumonia, so hnd
been for some time In hospital, whero
they treated him so well thnt ho was
much nrorse to tho prospect of being
discharged as "cured."
Ono day the doctor In charge was
taking his temperature, and while
Tommy had the thermometer In his
mouth tho doctor moved on nnd hap
pened to turn his back. Tommy saw
his chance. Ho pulled the thermometer
out of his mouth nnd popped It Into a
cup of hot tea, replacing It at the flrst
Blgn of the medico turning.
When thnt worthy examined tho
thermometer, he looked flrst at Tom
my, then back to tho thermometer nnd
gasped:
"Well, my mnn, you're not dead, but
you ought to bo!" London Chronicle.
M-S-M--r-rH
X IKr D?xnIrv
Of No. 201
BY DAVID H. TALMADGE
18 i
CoiiyrlRht.imi,liyI.H.,rnlniHtl' X
The accommodation train, No. 01 of
tho schedule, on tho branch rond was
stuck In tho snow, and there seemed to
bo no relief for It. No provision had
been made for bucIi a contingency bo
cuusu the branch, sheltered by trees
and bluffs, had been considered proof
against such misfortune. Tho ungl
neer, who had boon on tho run for
twenty years, was too astonished for
words when tho small locomotive
failed to cut tho drift Into which it
had plunged so confidently, nnd he snt
on his seat staring dumbly nt the con
ductor, who sworo shockingly nnd geu
tlculated with his arms.
In the coach were two paaumgers,
both young men. Ono wns tho typo of
jcominercinl salesman sent out by small
Jobbing houses, well dressed, self as
sertive, crudely philosophic; tho other,
by nppenrance, plnlnly n farmer. Ho
wore a baggy, shiny blnck suit, and his
white collar was attached to a ging
ham shirt by a white bone button,
sowed with black thread. Ills appear
ance wns enhanced by n carefully
trimmed shock of hair nnd whiskers.
The commercial salesninn had arisen
when tho train stopped nnd hnd walk
ed to tho door.
"I guess," ho remarked after a min
ute, "that we're Btalled."
He whistled a popular melody ns ho
walked down tho aisle and noted with
fiomo nmuscment that the other man
wan clutching tho bnck of n scat, his
eyes tilled with consternation.
"Provoking, isn't it?" the drummer
said iiH he lighted n cigar and drew a
paper covered book from his grip.
"Y-yes by cat!" tho other stam
mered. "Sny. do you mean thnt wo'ro
ntuck?"
"That's It exactly. Here's the con
ductor now."
i The conductor slammed the door vi
ciously and shook the snow from his
cnp. "We're up against It, gentlemen,"
'ho announced In disgust. "The con
founded teakettle Ib dying like a sick
pig out there In a drift no blgger'n a
washtub. We're two miles from Dllk
port, nnd the snow's so thick you can't
sco your hand before your fnce. Lucky
we've been to supper."
"Then wo won't get out tonight?"
nsked tho farmer anxiously, looking nt
his watch.
"That's tho bIzo of it. As wo'ro up
here on this pea vine the section men
won't lenrn what's tho mntter with us
till tomorrow. We've got plenty of
coal. It might bo worse."
"Yes," snld tho farmer, "I s'poso It
might, but I don't seo how It could bo
much worse for mo."
Ho picked up an overshoe.
"You see," ho explained, fastening
the buckle, "I've got n particular en
gagement tonight up nt Dilkport, nnd
If tho train nln't going I'vo got to hoof
It."
no put on the other shoe nnd rose,
reaching for tho wolfskin coat which
dangled from one end of the pnrcel
'holder. Tho conductor nnd tho Bales
man contemplated him In astonish
ment. "Ilut, 'man, you can't do It possibly,"
Bald the conductor. "You'll fnll through
n brldgo or something, nnd then you'll
freeze to death."
"I reckon 'tis a bit risky," admitted
the farmer, "but I nln't nt all sure it
wouldn't be riskier not to. You see,
my wife's nt Dilkport, nnd she's sick.
Sho may be dying. I'vo got to go to
her.'
In n Higher Position.
"Mo darter Nora Is golu to marry
Casey, that wurrucks In the basemlut
iv thot bulldln', but 01 do bo tlllln' her
that she molght hcv looked higher!"
"Indnde?"
"Yls. Sho cud hov hod Murphy, that
wurrucks on tho top story lv thnt snino
BkoJscrnpcr." Baltimore Herald.
Xnturu III Hlreil Sinn.
It was In tho far south.
"How's times?" nsked tho tourist.
"Pretty tolerable, stranger," respond
ed the old man who was sitting on a
stump. "I had somo trees to cut down,
but tho cyclone leveled them and Baved
mo tho trouble."
"That wns good."
"Yes, and then the lightning set flro
to tho brush pllo nnd saved mo the
troublo of burning It."
"Remnrkablo! But whnt are you do
Ing now?"
"Waiting for an earthquake to come
along and Bhuke tho potatoes out of
tho ground." Chicago News.
l'uttliiir It Gentlr.
"B"ut Ib sho pretty?"
"Well, I don't believe In talking
about a girl's looks behind her back,
ner father's worth nbout ?20.000,000,
and they've taken her to Europe twice
without bringing bnck any titles, so
you can form your, own opinion." Chi
cago Itecord-IIorald.
Even If n boy Is nlwnya whistling "I
Waut to Bo An Angel" It is Just as
v. til to l;op the raspberry Jam nnd
choose cakjs on tho top shelf of tho
pantry.
Darned StocklnRN.
Tender feet nre often mndo bo by the
uso of much darned stockings. Wcnr
light woolen stockings, nnd let them bo
of tho cheap kind, that you will not
mind discarding directly they become
worn. To harden tho skin it Is n good
plan to yib the soles of tho feet with
methylated spirits overy day or to wash
them over with salt water.
Happily Not So Sure of It.
Raynor This fortuno telling busi
ness Is nil humbug. Ono of theso pro
fessors of palmistry told me a llttlo
while ugo to look out for n short, blond
man.
Shyno I don't know nbout it's being
nil humbug. I'm blond nnd I'm short.
Lend me n ten, old fellow, will you?
Chicago TiT- -no.
English kings eallod thomsolvos
kings of France till n cntury ago, and
Frnch kings eallod themselves kings
of Jerusalem until the revolution.
An expression of sympathy came up
on the conductor's face, and thnt of tho
salesninn took on n midden gravity.
"There are certain circumstances,"
tho farmer continued In explanation,
"which make it more important that 1
should seo her than you might natural
ly think from tho plain fact of her be
ing sick. I haven't treated her Just
right, to tell tho truth. I've been stu
pid nnd unreasonable. Wo were mar
ried only n year ago. I won her away
from three or four other fellows. Any
ono of 'em would have mndo her a
better husbnnd than me. Funny how
such things go, nln't It?"
"It's a blooming queer old world,"
said tho conductor, nodding his head
sagely.
"And the queerest things In It nre
glrlB," added tho salesman In the tono
of an authority.
"Wo were married at Dilkport, where
alio was raised, and we went to my
farm to live. Wo were happy as could
bo for maybe six months, nnd then I
noticed thnt something was wrong
with her. A sort of cloud come over
jher. It wnB nothing but homesickness,
I s'pose, but I couldn't see It nny other
way than that bud was sorry she'd
married me. And one day I happened
to find a ahet of paper a part of a
letter she'd been writing that had
dropped from her portfolio, nnd I rend
it. There weren't many words on tho
sheet. The llrst ono was 'disappoint
ed,' ending n sentence she'd begun on
tho sheet that went before. And then
It said: 'It is not ns I had pictured It.
I wish to go home' And right thero
It ended. I said nothing to her. I
didn't think It was necessary to have a
Bcone, ns they call It. But I was hurt
hurt clean to the core nnd In trying
to cover up my feelings I s'poso I was
unkind, maybe cruel. After two or
threo days of brooding I got into a
regular bad state. I told her sho'd
better go homo to her folks; that I'd de
cided wo weren't made for each other.
When sho tried to put her arms about
my neck, I wouldn't let her. When
sho nsked for my roasons, l fold her
sho knew well enough and turned my
back. I was an unnatural, unreason
able brute."
"Correct," said the conductor frank
ly. "Well, she went. For four months
I'vo been baching It on tho fnrin, grow
ing crnbblder every da y, and this morn
ing I happened to meet n young chnp in
tho store at Pepperdock that knows
my wife's folkB. He lives nt Pllkport
when he Vsu't traveling around the
country soling things.
" 'I s'poso you've heard from your
wlfo this morning?' ho nskc me. 'No,'
snld I, with n snap; 'I hnln't. 'Well,
I'vo Just come from home,' said he, 'and
thero was a report on the street when
I loft that who wns liable to die. Tho
kid's all right, though.'
"'Huh!' said I, stnrtled to death.
'The lvldl' 'Yes, snld he, looking at me
In u sort of peculiar way; 'didn't you
know there was u kid born yesterday?'
'Why, yes, of course,' 1 said, shamed
into the He. I was that dazed 1 didn't
know my name for u minute.
" 'Your wife's a line womnn,' the
young chnp went on, me listening llko
one In n dream. 'I Bent her u pntcnt
dish wnsher nbout six months ugo on
trial. It didn't suit her, but sh didn't
do as most women would hnvo done.
Sho wrote me a real nice letter, telling
me that It had disappointed her; that
it wasn't what she'd pictured It. She
said she wished to go home 'o Dilk
port for n visit In n short time nnd that
when she come Bho'd bring It up with
her, saving me the express charges. I
tell you, n fellow In this agency busi
ness learns to appreciate llttlo things
llko thnt.'
"And then in n flash I saw It all. Tho
letter I'd seen was tho ono sho wns
writing nbout that dish washer. I
bolted homo without getting the things
I'd come to town nfter. I hustled
around and spruced up u llttlo and got
somebody to enro for the stock, nnd
nnd I'm going to get to Dilkport to
night In splte.of blazes; that's all there
is to It"
He left tho coach, followed by the
conductor nnd the salesman, who felt
impelled by sympathy to seo him off
on his perilous trip. They climbed
over tho freight cars through tho blind
ing storm townrd tho locomotive.
"Look out for tho next cnrl" called
the conductor. "It's loaded with oil
barrels. Better lot mo go nhend with
tho lantern."
Tho fnrmer stopped. "All right," he
Bald. "Is thero any oil in tho barrels?"
"Thoy'ro full of It. Why?"
"I was Just thinking that onco I
bought n barrel of oil, and on the way
homo the sled tipped over In a drift,
and the bung came out of tho barrel,
nnd the oil run on to the snow. It wns
a pitch dark night, nnd I didn't have n
lantern. I wns In bad shape, but I
gathered together n pile of straw that
had been in the sled box and lit it with
a match, nnd the first thing I knew
that oil soaked drift wns melting."
"By tho holy green light!" exclaimed
the conductor as the other's idea be
came clear to him. "Do you Bupposo
wo could do it?"
"I'd bo willing to stand tho expense
of three barrels of oil toward trying
It."
The conductor Jumped Into the cab
nnd laid the plan before the engineer,
who had stubbornly refused to leave
tho engine until compelled by tho cold.
"It might work," said tho engineer
nfter a few minutes' deliberation.
" 'Taln't like ns if we were buried.
Wo'ro Just tangled up a llttlo; that's
all. If I could get a start, I'd go
through. Jim" addressing the fire
man with sudden energy "coal up!
Make her hum!"
The conductor called tho two brnke
men nnd the express messenger, nnd
with the usslstance of the two passen
gers threo barrels of kerosene were
rolled from the car nnd carried to the
front end of tho train. The heads of
the barrels were broken In, and the oil
wns scattered upon tho snow by pail
ful nnd shovelful. Then, when no
more remained, tho conductor lighted
a great handful of greasy waste and
threw it upon the drift. It sputtered n
moment, flickered, all but went out.
Tho fnrmer rolled ono of the empty
oil soaked barrels within reach of the
burning wnste.
"It's no g"
There wns n blinding glnre, followed
by a sizzling, hissing roar. Tho drift
melted ns If by mngic. The flames
licked the drive wheels of the loeonio-
tlvo nnd reached nlmost to tho cab.
"Coal her! Coal her!" shouted the
engineer to the flrcnian.
The conductor Jumped up nnd down
excitedly, waving his lnntern. "AI1-1-1
aboar-r-rd!" he yelled.
Half an hour later the train pulled
into Dilkport.
Tho conductor received a note the
next day. It read: "Everything's all
right. She's been getting better from
the minute I got here. I wanted to go
down to tho station to see you, but I
enn't seem to tear myself away from
her nnd the baby. Send mo bill for tho
oil."
To which tho conductor replied:
"Glad to hear you'ro O. K. Wo all of
ns want to shako hands with you. Tho
company pays for tho oil."
Miscellaneous Advertisement.
IH ill ill
GUARANTEES
VICTOR FLOUR
TO BE ABSOLUTELY PURE
Nothing But TALK Backs Any Other Nebraska Flour
SOLD ONLY J.JY" -
THORNTON & CO
ALLIANCE, NEBRASKA.
THOflAS BECK,
.DEALER IN-
HARDWARE;
Plumbing and
Furnace Work.
Your Patronage
Solicited....
Opera House Block.
ALLIANCE, NEBRASKA.
NELSON FLETCHER,
Fire Insurance Agent,
REPRESENTS THE FOLLOWING
INSURANCE COMPANIES.
Hartford Fire Insurance Co. surance Co.
North American of Philadelphia. German American Insurance Co.,
Phoenix of Brooklyn, New York. New York.
Continental of New York City, Farmers and Merchants Insurance
Niagara Fire Insurance Co. Co., of Lincoln.
New York Underwriters, New York. Columbia Fire Insurance Co,
Commercial Union Assurance Co., Philadelphia Underwriters.
of London. Phoenix Insurance Co., of Hart
Liverpool, London and Globe In- ford, Conn.
Office Up-Stnlrs,
Fletcher Itlock.
Alliance, Nebraska.
T diamonds, Watches,
Gold Jewelry,
Souvenirs . .
Repairing in all its
Branches.
flail orders promptly
attended to.-
AAI. O. Barnes,
Jeweler and Optician.
Contactor and Builder.
Turning and Scroll
Work and all
Kinds of Shop
Work
Estimates Furnished.
GEO. Q, GADSBY,
..Shire Horse..
In 0. A, Anderson's
Ulucksmlth Shop,
f Alliance, Neb.
Taken by Surprise.
There nre some hospitable creatures
who are greatly disturbed If they can
not meet every demand made on them,
although thero nre cases when It Is
ridiculous to expect them to bo nblo to
bo equal to the occasion. Recently n
bnrn took flro on n largo estate, and the
firemen of the vlllago worked hard to
put out the llames. After it was all
over the husband nsked the flro light
ers Into the house to partake of coffee
and whatever edibles were on hand.
Ills wlfo welcomed the men with
steaming cups of coffee, doughnuts nnd
pies; thon she said apologetically, "Oh,
If I had only known this was going to
happon I would have had n lot of
things bnkod up."
FINE BOOTS and SHOES
MADE TO ORDER.
REPAIRING A SPECIALTY.
ORDERS CALLED TOR AND DELIVERED
R. MADSEN,
First Door south of lluuehscnstoln's Cigar
Fiiclory. Thorns ltK.
W. M. lOQEMCE,
ATTOR-NBy - -A.T - Ti.A."W"
1'rnetiMtt'iu "11 lite omrts
Homiugford, Neb
'Weston Tom'
III (8580) Bred by William
Ward, Weston, Spalding
Line, England, and the
French Coach Horse,
ii
Quinault,"
Will niako the season of UKJ nt my ranch, sl
tnllus vot and two mtU north of ilumhiKford.
Turmsi-ilO.OO to Insure, muro in foal. All
luarun hred at owner's risk. I ro servo rltht
to rejwt nny inure. It ownor lwrts with
muru she will ho considered in foal und ftns
due ut itttctt. Partio t u illhtiim-tt can leavo
mures ami Imve thum hred fur 1 1.00, cash,
extra,
A. S. EN YE ART.
i
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