Nebraska Newspapers

    DAKOTA COUNTY HERALD; DAKOTA CITY, NEBRASKA.
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Pink Tights and Ginghams
A Business Adticnlure of Emma McChesney
' By EDNA FERBER
Author of "Dawn O'Hara." "Battered Side Down," etc.
- -T- . ..&.
Copjrighl by Frederick A. Stokes Company
Somo one probably ono of those
Frenchmen whoso llfo Job It was to
make epigrams once said that thoro
nre but two kinds of women: Good
women, and bad women. Ever Binco
then problem playwrights havo been
putting that Action Into tho mouths of
wronged husbands and building their
"big sccno" around It. Hut don't you
believe It. There aro four kinds: Good
women, bad women, good bad women,
and bad good vyorricn. And the worst
of theso Is tho last. This should bo a
story of nil four kinds, and when It Is
finished I defy you to discover which
Is which.
When tho red stuff In tho thermome
ter waxes ambitious, bo that fat men
atand, bulging-eyed beforo It and bo
ginning with tho ninety mark count up
with a horrible oatlsfactlon ninety
one ninety-two nlhcty-three nine-ty-four!
by gosh! and the cinders aro
filtering Into your berth, and oven tho
porter is wandering restlessly up and
down tho aisle like a black eoul In pur
gatory and a white duck coat, then tho
thing to do Is to don those mercifully
few garments which tho laxity of sleeping-car
ctlquotto permits, slip out be
tween tho green curtains and fare
forth in search of drafts, liquid and
atmospheric.
At midnight Emma McChosnoy, in
ured as sho was to sleepers and all
their horrors, found her lower eight
unbearable. With tho bravery of des
peration sho groped about for her cln-der-strown
belongings, donned slippers
and kimono, waited until tho tortured
portor's footsteps had squeaked tholr
way to tho far end of tho car, then
sped up the dim alslo toward tho back
platform. Sho wrenched open tho
door, felt tho rush of air, drew In a
long, grateful, smokc-steam-dust laden
lungful of It, felt tho breath of it on
spina and chost, sneezed, realized that
sho would be tho victim of a summer
cold next day, and, knowing, cared not.
"Great, ain't It?" said a voice in tho
darlcncsj. (Nay, reader. A woman's
voice.)
Emma McChosnoy was of tho non
screaming typo. Hut something lnsldo
of her suspended action for tho frac
tion of a second. Sho peered into tho
darkness.
"'J' got scared?" Inqulrod tho voico.
Its ownor lurched forward from the
corner In which gho had been crouch
ing, into tho half-light cast by tho
vcstlbulo night-globo.
Even as men Judge ono another by
a Masonic emblem, an Elk pin, or tho
band of a cigar, so do women in sleeping-cars
wolgh each other according to
tho rules of tho Ancient Order of tho
Kimono. Seven seconds after Emma
McChesney first behold lro nogllgoo
that stood rovealed In tho dim light
sho had its woaror neatly wolgiied,
marked, listed, docketed and placed.
Tho blondo woman cast upon Emma
McChesnoy an admiring eye.
"Gawd, ain't it hot!" ehe said, so
ciably. '
' "I wondef," mused Emma McChes
ney, "it that portor could bo hypno
tized into making somo lemonade a
pitchorful, with a lot of Ico In it, aud
tho cold nwcat breaking out all over
tho glass?"
""Lemonade!" echoed tho othor, won
dqr and amusement in hqr tone. "Aro
tljf y 'still usln' It?" Sho loaned -against
the, door, swaying with tho motion of
tho car, and hugging her plump, baro
arms. "Ravelin' alone?" sho aBkod.
"Oh, yea," replied Emma McChes
ney, and decided it was tlrno to go in.
"Lonesome, ain't It, without com
pany?. Coin' far?"
"I'm accustomed to it. I travol on
buslnesa, not pleasure. I'm on tho
road, representing T. A. Buck's fcath-
erloom petticoats I"
"On tho roadl Sellln' goods! And I
thought you was only a kid. It's tho
way your hair's fixed, I suppose. Say,
that must bo a hard llfo for a woman
buttln' Into a man's gamo liko that."
"Oh, I suppose any work that takes
s woman out Into tho world" bogan
Emma McChesnoy vaguely, her hand
on the. doorknob.
"Sure," agreed tho othor. '"I ought
to know. Tho hotels and timo tables
alono aro enough to kill. Who do you
suppose makes up tralu schedules?
They don't scorn to think no respect
'able train ought to leavo anywhere be
fore oleven-ilfty p. in., or arrive aftor
six a. m. Wo played Ottumwa, Iu.,
laBt night, and here' wo aro Jumpln' to
Illinois." ' ,
In BUrprlao Emma McChesnoy turned
at tho door for another look at tho
hair, figure complexion and kimono.
"Olj, you're an actress! Well, If
you think mlno la a hard llfo foV a
woman, why "
"Mel" aald tho greon-gold blondo,
and laughed not prottily. "I ain't a
woman, I'm a queen of burlesque"
"Burlesquo? You mean ono of
those " Emma McOhosnoy etoppod,
her usually deft tongue floundering.
"Ono of thoso 'men only' troupos?
You guessed It. I'm Blancho LoHayo,
of the Sam Levin Crackerjack Belles.
wo get into North Bend at bIx tomor
row morning, and wo play thero tomor
row night, Sunday." Sho took a stop
forward bo that her haggard face and
artificially tinted hair woro vory near
Erana McChesney. ''Know what I was
thlnkln' Juet ono eocond beforo you
como out hero?" ,,
"No; what?"
"I was thlnkln' what a cinch it would
be to Just push asldo that canvas thing
thero by tho steps and try what tho
newspaper accounts call 'Jumping into
tho night.' Say, if I'd had on my other
lawnjerio I'll bet I'd havo dono it."
Into Emma McChesnoy'B understand
ing .heart thero swept a wave of pity.
But oho trnawcred lightly: "ls that
supposed to bo funny?"
Tho pluniri blondo yawned. "It de
pends on your funny bone. Mlno's got
Hunted; I'm tho Udy that tho Irish
comedy guy elaps In tho face with a
bunch of lottuce. Say, there's some
thing about you that makes a person
got gnbby and toll things. You'd make
a swell clairvoyant."
Beneath tho comedy of tho bleached
hair, and the llaccld face, and tho
bizarre wrapper; behind tho coarso
ness and vulgarity and Ignorance
Emma McChosnoy'H keen mental eye
saw something decent and clean and
beautiful. And something pitiable,
and something tragic.
"I guess you'd hotter como In and
get somo sloop," said Emma McChes
ney; and somehow found her hnnd
rostlng on tho woman's shoulder. So
they stood, on tho swaying, Jolting
platform. Ulnncho LoIInye, of tho Sam
Lovln Crackerjack Bollcs, looked
down, askance, at tho hand on her
phouldor, as at some strange and in
teresting object.
"Ten years ago," sho said, "that
would havo started mo telling tho
story of ray llfo, with all tho tremolo
stops on, and tho orchestra In tears.
Now It only makes mo mad."
Emma McChesney's hand seemed to
snatch Itself away from tho woman's
shoulder.
"You can't treat mo with your Ufa's
history. I'm going in."
"Walt a minute. Don't go away
sore, kid. On tho square, I guess I
liked tho feel of your hand on my
arm, liko that. Suy, I'vo dono tho
same thing myself to a Btrango dog
that looked up at4 mo, pitiful. You
know, tho way you reach down, and
pat 'in on tho head, and say, 'NIco dog
glo, nlco doggie, old follow,' oven If It
Is n street cur, with a chawed ear, and
no tall. They growl and show their
teeth, but thoy liko it. A woman
Lordy! Thero comes tho brakemairT
Let's beat it. Ain't wo tho nervy old
hens!"
The femalo of tho' species as she is
found in sleoplng-car dressing-rooms
hnd taught Emmn McChesnoy to rise
betimes that sho might avoid contact
with certain frowsy, shapeless beings
armed with bottlos of milky liquids,
and boxes of rosy pastes, and ponclls
that mado arched and Inky lines; be
ings redolent of bitter almond, and vio
let toilet water; boings In doubtful cor
sets and green silk petticoats perfect
as to accordion-plaited flounce, but
showing slits and tatters farther up;
beings Jealously guarding their ton
inches of mirror spaco and consenting
to move for no ono; ladles who had
como all tho way from Texas and who
insisted on telling about it, despite a
mouthful of hairpins; doubtful sisters
who called ono dcarlo and required to
bo hooked up; distracted mothers with
three small children who wiped their
hands on your shirt waist.
So It was that Emma McChesnoy,
hntted.and veiled by 5:45, saw tho cur
tains of tho borth opposite rent asun
der to disclose tho rumpled, shapoleso I
jifji.v iri miaa uiuiiviiv JV,Ujru. J. 11U
queen of burlesquo boro In her arms a
conglomerate mass of shoos, corsot,
purplo skirt, bag and groon-plumed
hat. She paused to staro at Emma Mc
Chesnoy's trim, cool preparedness.
"You must havo started to dress ns
eoon'8 you como in last night. I never
slop' a wink till Just about half a hour
ago. l hot I ain't got more than elovon
minutes to dross in. Ain't this a
scorcher!"
Whon tho train stopped at North
Bond, Emma McChesney, on hor way
out, collided with a vision In a pongco
duster, roso-colored chiffon vail, cham
ois gloves, and plumed hat. Miss
Blancho LoHayo had made tho most of
hor eleven minutes. Hor baggngo nt-
tended to, Emma McChesnoy climbed
into a hotel bus. It boro no othor pas
sengers. From hor cornor in tho vehicle
sho could sec tho quoon of burlesquo
standing In tho center of tho dopot
platform, surroundod by her company.
It was a tawdry, mlsorablo, almost
tragic group, tho men undor-slzed, bo
diamonded, tholr skulls oddly shaped.
their clothes a satire on tho fashions
for mon, tholr chins unshaven, tholr
looso lips curved contentedly ovor cig
arettes; tho women dreadfully uureal
with tho pitiless light of tho early
morning Bun glaring down on their be
dizened faces, tholr spotted, garish
cloths, their run-down heels, their
vivid veils, tholr matted hair. Thoy
woro quarreling among themselves,
and a llamo of hato for tho moment
lighted up thoso dull, stupid, vicious
faces. Blancho LoIInye appcarod to
be tho center about which tho strlfo
waged, for suddenly sho Hung through
tho shrill group and wnlked swiftly
ovor to tho bus and climbed into it
heavily. Ono of tho women turned,
hor faco livid boneath tho paint, to
scream a great oath after hor. The
bus driver climbed into his seat and
took up tho rolns. After a moment's
indecision tho little group on tho plat
form turned and trailed off down tho
street, tho women Bagging. under tho
weight of their bags, tho mon, for tho
most part, hurrying on ahead. Whon
tho bus lurched past them tho woman
who had screamed tho oath nftor
Blaucho LoHayo laughod shrilly and
mado a faco, liko a naughty child,
whereupon tho othorB laughed In fal
setto chorus.
A touch of roal color Bhowod in
Blancho Lollayo's flabby chook. "I'll
show'm," sho snarled. "I'll ahow'm I
ain't no doad ono yet. That hussy of a
Zolla Dacro thlnkln' she can got ray
part away from mo when I ain't
lookln'. I wised abo was gottln' too
sweet to mo tho last week or so, tho
lyln' BuoaTt. I'll Bhow'm a leadlu' lady's
a leadln' lady. Lot om go to their
hash hotels. I'm goln' to tho real inn
in this town Just to lot 'om know that
I got my dignity to koop up, and that
I don't havo to mix In with acum liko
that You soo that thoro?" Sho point
ed at something in tho street. Emma
I McChesnoy turned to look. Tho cheau
lithographs of the Ham Levin Cracker
jack Belles company glared at one
from tho bill-boards.
"That's our paper," explained
Blancho LoHayo. "That's me, In the
ppntnp nf tlin liilnnli U'lth thn nlnk
n-olns In my hands, drlvin' that four-in-
hand of Johnnies. Hot stuff! Just
lot Dacro try to get It away from me,
that's all. I'll Bhow'm."
Sho sank back Into her corner. Her
anger left her with tho suddenness
characteristic of her type.
"Ain't this heat fierce?" sho fretted.
Now, Emma McChesnoy was a broad
minded woman. Tho scars that she
had received In hor ten years' battle
with business reminded her to bo ten
dor at sight of tho wounds of others.
But now, as sho studied tho woman
huddled thoro In tho corner, sho was
conscious of a shuddering disgust of
hor of tho soiled blouse, of tho cheap
finery, of tho sunken places around tho
Jaw-bone, of the swollen places bo
noath tho eyes, of tho thin, carmlncd
lips, of the
Blancho Lollnyo oponed her eyes
suddenly and caught tho look on Emma
McChosnoy's face. Caught It, and com
prehended it. Her oyes nnrrowed, and
sho laughed shortly.
"Oh, I dunno," drawled Blanche Lo
Hayo. "I wouldn't go's far'B that, kid.
Say, when I was your ago I didn't plan
to bo no bum burlcsquer neither. I
was going to bo an actress, with a
farm on Long Island, liko tho rest of
'em. Every real abtress has got a
farm on Long Island, If it's only there
In tho mind of tho press agent. It's a
kind of a rollglon with 'em. I was
goln' to build a houso on mlno that
was goln' to bo a cross between a
Cnllfomla bungalow and tho horticul
tural building nt tho world's fair. Say,
I ain't tho worst, kid. Thoro's othors
outside of my Bmear, understand, that
I wouldn't change places with."
A dozen npologlcs surged to Emma
McChosnoy's lips Just ns the driver
drow up at tho curbing outside tho
hotel and Jumped down to open tho
door. Sho found herself hoping that
tho hotel clerk would not class hor
with hor companion.
At 11 o'clock that morning Emma
McChesnoy unlockod her door and
walked down tho red-carpeted hotel
corridor. Sho had had two hours of
restful sleop. Sho had bathed, and
breakfasted, and donned clean clothes.
Sho had brushed tho cinders out of her
hair, and manicured. She felt as alert,
and cool and refreshed as oho looked,
which speaks well for her comfort.
Halfway down tho hall a bedroom
door stood open. Emma McChesnoy
glanced In. What alio saw mado her
stop. Tho noxt moment sho would
havo hurried on, but tho figure within
called out to hor.
Miss Blancho LeHnyo had got into
hor kimono again. Sho was slumped
in a dejected heap in a -Hair beforo
tho window. Thero was a tray, with a
bottlo and somo glasses on tho table
by her sido.
"Gawd, ain't it hot!" sho whined
miserably. "Como on In a mlnuto. I
left tho door open to catch tho breeze,
but there ain't any. You look liko a
peach just oft tho ico. Got a gont
frlond in town?"
"No," answered Emma McChesnoy
hurriedly, and turned to go.
"Walt, a mlnuto," Bald Blancho Lo
Hayo, sharply, and roso. Sho slouched
over to where Emma McChesnoy stood
and looked up at her sullenly.
"Why!" gasped Emma McChesnoy,
In tho back yard, and fool with tho
dog, aud act liko a human bolng for
one day. After you'vo been on tho
road for ten years a real Sunday din
ner in a real homo has got Shorry'a
flossiest efforts looking liko a- picnic
collation with nuts in tho plo. You'ro
coming with mo, moro for my sake
than for yours, becauso tho thought of
you sitting hero, liko this, would eour
tho day for mo."
Blancho Lellayo's Angora woro pick
ing at tho pin which fastened hor
gown, Sho smiled, uncertainly.
"What's your gamo?" sho Inquired.
"I'll wait for you downstairs," said
Emma McChesney, pleasantly. "Do
you ovor havo any luck with caramel
Icing? Ethel's and mlno nlwaya
curdles."
"Do I?" yelled tho queen of bur
lesqno. "I invented it." Aud sho was
down on her knees, her Angers fum
bling' with tho lock of her suitcase.
Only an Ethol Morrlssey, Inured to
tho weird workings of humanity by
years of shrewd skirt and suit buying,
could havo stood tho test of having a
Blancho LeHayo thrust upon her, an
unexpected guest, and with tho wom
an across tho street sitting on hor
front porch taking It all In.
At tho door "This Is Miss Blancho
LeHayo of the er Simon "
-'Snm Levin Crackerjack Belles?' put
In Miss LoHayo. "Pleased to meet
you."
"Como in," said Miss Ethel Morrls
sey, without butting an eye. "I Just
phoned tho hotel. Thought you'd gono
back on me, Emma. I'm baking a cara
mel cake. Don't slam tho door. This
your Arst visit hero, Miss LoHayo? Ex
cuso mo for not shaking hands. I'm
all flour. Lay your things in there.
Ma's spending tho day with Aunt Gus
at Forest City and I'rri tho whole works
around here. It's got skirts and suits
boat a mile. Hot, ain't it? Say, sup
pose you girls slip off your waists and
I'll glvo you each an all-over apron
that's looso and lets tho breeze slldo
around."
Blancho LeHaye, tho garrulous, was
strangely ailent. When sho stepped
about It waa in tho manner of ono who
is fearful of wakening a sleeper. When
she caught the eyes of either of the
other women her own glnnco dropped.
When Ethel Morrlssey came in with
tho' blue-nnd-whito gingham aprons
Blancho LoHayo hesitated a long mln
uto boforo picking hers up. Then sho
hold it by both alcoves and looked at it
long and curiously. Whon she looked
up again sho found tho eyes of the
othor two upon her. Sho slipped tho
apron ovor her head with a nervous
Httlo laugh.
"I'vo been a pair of pink tights so
long," sho said, "that I guess I've al
most forgotten, how to bo a woman.
But once I get this on I'll bet I can
como back."
Sho proved It from tho moment that
she measured out tho Arst cupful of
brown sugar for the caramol Icing.
Sho shed her rings, and pinned her
hair back from her forehead, and
tucked up her sleeves, and as Emma
McChesnoy watched hor a jesolvo
grew In her mind.
Tho cake disposed of "Give mo
somo potatoes to peel, will you?" said
Blancho LoHayo, suddenly. "Glvo 'em
to mo In a brown crock, with a chip
out of tho sido. There's certain things
always goes hnnd-ln-hand in your
mind. You can't think of ono without
tho other. Now, Lillian Russell and
Hayo finished for her. "I used to. I've
got ovor that. Now all I ask Is to got
a laugh when I kick tho comedian's
hat off with my too."
"But thoro must havo been a timo
" Insinuated Emma McChesney.
gently.
Blancho LoHayo grinned broadly at
tho two women who woro watching
hor bo intently.
"I think I ought to tell you," sho bo
gan, "that I never was a minister's
daughter, and I don't remember over
havln' been deserted by my aweot
heart when I was young and trusting.
If I was to draw a picture of my llfo it
would look liko ono of thoso charts
that tho weather bureau gots "out
ono of thoso high and low barometer
things, nil uphill and downhill liko a
chain of mountains In a kid's geogra
phy." Sho shut her oyes and lay back In
tho depths of tho leather-cushioned
chair. Tho threo sat in silonco for a
moment.
"Look horo," said Emma McChes
noy, suddenly, rising and coming over
to tho woman in tho big chair, "that's
thfir homo Is ono of tho kind whera
tho rubberneck auto stops while the
spieler tells tho crowd who lives there,
nnd ltow ho made his money. But they
haven't any kida, Len told mc. Ho'a
crazy about 'om. But his wlfo don't
want any. 1 wish you could havo
seen Leu's faco when ho was talking
about It."
Sho dropped the gingham apron in a
circlo at her feet, and Bteppod out of
It. Sho walked ovor to whero her
own clothes lay In a gaudy heap.
"Exit tho gingham. But it's beer
great." Sho paused beforo slipping hor
skirt over her head. Tho alienee of
tho othor two women seemed to anger
her a little.
"I guess you think I'm a bad one,
clear through, don't you? Well, I
ain't I don't hurt anybody but my
self. Len'a wife thnt's what I call
bad."
"But I don't think you'ro bad clear
BUILDING "CASTLES IN AIR"
Proceeding That Seems Foolish, If Not
Reprehensible, to Some, May
Readily Be Explained.
Thoso who build castles In tho air
aro occasionally spoken of by more,
mnttor-of-fact persons with brutal and
noisy derision, but oftonor with a kind
of tender pity which thoy find, not un
justifiably, far moro exasperating. It
Implies bo comploto a misunderstand
ing of tho builders' frame of mind.
Thoy aro supposed to llvo In n valo of
disappointments, but If thoy bo out
nndout workmen with a lovo of tholr
nrt thoy do, In fact, nothing of tho'
kind. Long before ono cnstlo has
actually fallen, sometimes ovon before
so much as a telltnlo crack has ap
peared In tho walls, they aro planning
tho foundations of nnothor on a larger
and moro gorgeouB scale. When tho
through," cried Emma McChesnoy. "I i .cash ultimately comes It 13 unheard,
don't. That'B whv I mado that nrono- for tno din of cranes and hammera al-
sltlon to you. ,That'a why I want you
to get away from all this, and start
over again."
I ready aro hard at work again. We
havo It on Sam Wellor's authority that
to take to building houses ls "a med
ical term for bolng incurable." And
very fortunately that 1b, a fortiori,
still moro true of castlos. It is not,
however, this Implication of a llfo
mndo up of dlsillusionments that is tho
most difficult to boar. Bather it is tho
rurgestion that thoso who Indulge in
day dreams aro so besotted as to bo
llcvo that they will all of them como
true. This is at once a Blur on their
Intelligence aud on their ability to play
(their own gamo properly; it shows
that tho sympathetic and stupid crea
tures who make it could nover acquire
the rudiments of tho gamo if they
! woro to try for a thousand years. As
long as tho player is trammeled by
I doubts and wonderings whether any-
thing so beautiful could over really bo
! fall him, ho must almost of necessity
I curb his fancy and turn sadly back
1 from some glorious flight; but, onco
ho has as much as half admitted to
himself that he Is moving in tho realms
' of fantasy, ho can soar away to
heights unknown.
Putting altogether on ono side tho de
light that they glvo in tho making, it
may well bo a question Whether any
material profit is to bo derived from
castles in the air.
They Walked With Her to the Front Porch, Making Talk as They Went.
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Rumpled, Shapeless Figure of Miss Blanche LeHaye.
aud involuntarily put out hor hand,
"why my dear you'vo been crying I
Is thero "
"No, thero ain't I can bawl, can't I,
it I am a bum burlesquer?" Sho put
down tho squat llttlo glass sho had in
her hand nnd stared resentfully at
Emma McChosnoy's cool, fragrant
frosbnoss,
"Say," sho demanded suddenly,
"whatja moan by lookln' at mo tho
way you did this morning, h'm? What
ja mean? You got a norvo turnln' up
your noso at mo, you have. I'll Just
hot you ain't no hotter than you might
bo, neither. What the"
Swiftly Emma McChesnoy crossed
tho room and closed tho door. Then
oho camo back to whoro Blancho Lo
Hayo stood.
"Now listen to mo," sho said. "You
shod that purplo kimono of yours and
hustlo into somo clothes and como
along with mo. I mean it. Whonovor
I'm anywhero near this town I mako
a jump and Sunday horo. I'vo a
friond hero named Morrlasey Ethol
Morrlssoy and bIio'b tho biggest-hearted,
most understanding friond that a
woman ovor hnd. She's skirt and suit
buyer at Barkor & Flak's horo. I havo
a standing invitation to spond Sunday
at hor houso. Sho knows I'm coming.
I help get dlnnor It I fool liko it, and
wash my hair if I want to, and sit out
cold cream is ono; and now potatoes
and brown crocks is nnothor."
She peoled potatoes, sitting hunched
up on tho kitchen chair with her high
heols caught back of tho top rung. Sho
chopped spinach until hor faco waa
scarlet, and hor hair hung in limp
strands at tho back of hor nock. Sho
skinned tomatoes. Sho scoured pans.
Sho wiped up tho whlto oilcloth tablo
top with a capable and soapy hand.
Tho heat and bustlo of tho llttlo kitch
en seemed to work somo miraculous
chango In her. Her oyoa brightened.
Hor lips smiled. Onco, Emma Mc
Chesney and Ethol Morrlssey ox
changed covort lookB when they heard
her crooning ono of those tuneless
chants that womon hum whon thoy
wring out dishcloths in soapy wator.
After dlnnor, in tho cool of tho sitting-room,
with tho shadoa drawn, and
their skirts tucked halfway to their
knoea, things looked propitious for
thojt first stroke in tho plan which had
worked Itself out in Emma McChos
noy's alert mind. Sho caught Blancho
LoIIayo'a oyo, and smiled.
"This boats burlesquing, doesn't it?"
sho said. Sho loaned forward a bit In
hor chair. "Toll rao, Miss LoHayo,
haven't you ovor thought of quitting
that tho stago and turning to some
thingsomething "
"Something decent?" Blancho s-
not tho llfo for a woman liko you. I
can get you a place in our office not
much, perhaps, hut something decent
something to start with. If you "
"For that matter," put in Ethel Mor
rlssey, quickly, "I could got you some
thing right hero in our store. I've
been thero long enough to have somo
say-so, and If I recommend you they'd
start you in the basement at first, and
then, if you mado good, they'd ad
vance you right along."
Blancho LoHayo stood up and, twist
ing her arm around at the back, began
to unbutton her gingham apron.
"I guess you think I'm a bad ono,
don't you? Well, maybe I am. But
I'm not tho worst. I'vo got a brother.
Ho lives out West, and he's rich, and
married, and respectable. You know
tho way a man can climb out of the
mud, whllo a woman Just can wado out
of It? Well, that's tho way It was
with ub. HIa wife's a regular society
bug. She wouldn't admit that there
was any, such truck as mo, unless,
maybo, the Municipal Protective
loaguo, or something, of her town, got
to waging a war against burlesquo
shows. I hadn't seen Len that'B my
brothei" lu years and years. Then ono
night in Omaha, I gllmmcd him sitting
down in tho B. H. row. His faco just
seemed to rise up at me out of tho au
dience. Ho recognized me, too. Say,
men aro all alike. What they see in
a dingy, half-fed, ignorant bunch like
ub, I don't know. But tho mlnuto a
man goes to Cleveland, or Pittsburgh,
or somowhero on business he'll hunt
up a burlesquo show, and what's moro,
ho'U enjoy it. Funny. Well, Len wait
ed for mo after tho show, and wo had
a talk. Ho told mo his troubles, and I
told him somo of mlno, and whon we
got through I wouldn't havo swapped
with him. His wlfo a a wonder. She s
climbed to tho top of tho ladder in hor
town. And she's pretty, and young
looking, and a regular swell. Len says
MANY MEN WHO STAY YOUNG
But Women, Taken as a Whole, Sur
pass the Maccullne Sex In Ward
ing Off Age.
I noticed an advertisement whllo
riding on a train recently which an
nounced clothing "for young men nnd
mon who stay young." That struck
mo as at very catchy sort of an an
nouncement, and after thinking It over
I decided that thorp woro a good many
moro men who stay young now than
thero wero somo years ago.
Thero was a time when mon of fifty
and ovor folt incumbont on themselves
to dross and act as though they woro
old, a writer in tho New London Day
says. Nowadays, many of thoso who
havo passed that milestone In llfo'a
pllgrlmago refuse to bo oia as long an
thoy feel young, and thoy wear cloth
ing that expresses tholr feelings, and
got as much fun out of living na many
who started their careers many years
lator, . , .
PnMinna ono reason that some men
do not grow old quicker nowadays is
tho fact that conditions that govern
labor aro much different than thoy
used to bo. Thoro has been a vory
raatorlal shortening up of hours and
much greater opportunity ls afforded
for rest and recroatlon. Of courso
somo mon do not improve tholr chances
aB thoy should, but tnoro is less proD
ability of being prematurely broken
down by hard labor than thoro was
when tho number of hours that con
stituted a working day was larger.
Whon it comes to keoplng young,
howovor, tho mon aro not In it with
tho gentler sex. Grandmothers nowa
days dress younger than womon of
"Mo?" laughed Blanche LoHayo.
"Mo! In a office! With ledgers, and
salo bills, and accounts, and ajl that
stuff! Why, girls, I couldn't hold
down a job In a candy factory. I
ain't got any intelligence. I nover had.
You don't And women with brains In
a burlesque troupe. If they had 'em
Is Tobacco a Drug?
An interesting caso of splitting
hairs has arisen in Ireland in tho
administration of tho national Insur
ance act as to whother tobacco is a
drug, a necessity or a luxury, all three
views being taken by different authori
ties, says London Tit-Bits, it appears
that the superintending medical offi
cer ot the Dublin district recommend
ed that a consumptive patient coming
under tho provisions of tho act bo
civen tobacco for smoking to comfort
him In his last days, offering to pay
! for the weed himself, but tho insur
1 anco committee decided that the to
bacco wns necessary to tho patient's
treatment and sent in the bill to tho
! insurance commissioners. Two weeks
I Intn. fVirt Inrtnl nil fVlorlHoa rPnoltJoH fl
thoy wouldn't bo thero. Why, we're ,, , ' , .inmn.wiinn. n
explanation of their action in charging
the dumbest, most ignorant bunch
thoro is. Most of us are just hired
girls, dressed up. That's why you find
tho Woman's Uplift union having such
a blamed hard timo savin' souls. The
souls they try to sfivo know just
enough to be wise to tho fact that they
couldn't bold down a Avo-per-week
Job. Don't you feel sorry for me. I'm
doing tho only thing I'm goqd for."
the government with a shllling'a worth
of tobacco. Their reply was that to
bacco wtfa recognized as a drug in the
British codex under tho title of ;ilco
tlana tabaclum and that it had been
prescribed by a registered practitioner.
Thereupon tho commissioners consult
ed learned K. C.'s and they aro still
wrestling with tho subject. Mean-
Emma McChesnoy put out her hand. whlIo tbo patlcnt la dead, tho tobacco
"I'm sorry." sho said. "I only meant I has been smoke( an(i tho expense of
it for
"Why, of course," agreed Blancho
LeHaye, heartily. "And you, too." Sho
turned bo that her broad, good-natured
smile Included Ethel Morrlssey. "I'vo
had a whalo of a timo. My fingers are
all stained up with new potatoes, and
my nails ia full of strawberry juice,
and I hope it won't come off for a
week. And I want to thank you both.
I'd liko to stay, but I'm going to hump
over to tho theater. That Dacre's got
the nervo to swlpo tho star's dressing
room if I don't get my trunks in first."
They walked with her to tho front
porch, making talk as they wont. Re
sentment and discomfiture and a sort
of admiration all played across tho
faces of tho two womon, whoso kind
ness had mot with rebuff. At tho foot
of tho steps Blancho LeHaye, prima
donna of tho Sam Lovln Crackerjack
Belles turned.
"Oh, say," sho called,
got. I want to toll you that it you
wait until your caramel is off tho
stovo, and then add your butter, when
tho stufi'B hot but not boilln' it won't
lump so. H'm? Don't mention it."
the disputation has already reached a
hundred timo3 tho cost of tho original
tin of shag.
half century ago, and thoy take inter
est in tho cnjoyablo things of llfo quite
as strongly as thoso who are younger.
I'm glad to see that tendency. Ono
might Just as well enjoy life as to re
fuse tho privilege becauBO a certain
ago has been reached. Thero 1b, ol
course, such a thing as going to an
oxtremo, but people as a wholo ara
moro sensible than somo of tho critics
are" willing to admit
Telegrapher's Cramp.
It was said by a delegate to tha
recent congress of tho International
Federation of Postal and Telegraph
Sorvants that telegrapher's cramp ia
increasing in England at an alarming
rato. Tho increase ls attributed to tho
system of speeding up which has been
Introduced Into telegraphic service.
Tho committee of Inquiry found that
tho dlseaso is seated in tho central
nervouB system and 1b a woakenlng or
breakdown of tho cerebral mechanism
In consequence of muscular strain.
A telegrapher Buffering from tho
malady in an advancod stago can ex.
pect no cure unless ho or sho ls re
moved completely from tho service.
Tho forearm, hand and ngera becoma
numb and ceaso to auawer to th
nervea and muscles. In somo casei
tho power to hold a knlfo and fork la
lost.
Up-to-Dato Storekeeper.
Selling delicatessen a prosaic occifc
pation, At only for fat mon of Teutonic
extraction? Nonsense! Not whllo tin
buslnoss or art or profession contain!
mon Hko tho Now York storokoopei
who has put ovor his placo a big sign
rending "Culinary Art Snecialtles "
Hlo First Thought.
A well-known athlete says that on
entering a Turkish bath ono night he
found a stranger struggling in tho
swimming pool. Thero was nobody
near, and tho man waa evidently un
ablo to swim, having jumped in prob
ably without ascertaining whether tho
water would be above his head. Tho
athleto swam to tho assistance of tho
struggling man. Grasping him by
the hair, ho towed him to tho side of
tho tank and assisted , him to hang
on until ho recovered his breath.
What wero tho first words uttered
by tho rescued ono? Did ho stammer
out thanks to his humau preserver?
No. The human mind is a curious af
fair. As tho half drowneu man aims
"I almost for-' sled back to consciousness memories
of an old Jest seemeu 10 mi imuu&u
his brain, for ho said:
"Lucky for mo I wasn't bald
headed!" 7
No Loafing Allowed.
A well-known theatrical manager,
moro famous if possible for tho
"breaks" ho made than for his many
successes, attending tho rehearsal of
one of hlB plays, noticed that a man
In tho audience who had to play the
trombone was holding tho Instrument
in front of him nnd doing nothing.
Mr. Stetson at onco called him to
account.
"Say," said he, "what do you mean
by not working along with tho other
fellows?" ,
"Why Mr. Stetson," said tho musi
cian, "I can't play; I havo 10 bars
rest" .. , ,, .
"Not on your lire!" repiieu urn uu
v manager. "I don't pay anyone for
.i mnnnfflP.
resting. Either you play whon tho
othor fellows do, or you clear out.
See?"
Surgery In the Air.
Sitting astride a steol beam on tho
highest section of a now theater under
construction a doctor rocontly chloro
formed a structural ironworker, and
snapped into place tho bones ot a dis
located shoulder. When the accident
occurred tho workman was loft help
less, ns both arms wero disabled, and
thero was no means of descent except
a series ot ladders. Tho doctor re
moved his hat, coat and vest, and be
gan the dangerous ascont A workman
followed with tho doctor's surgical
caso. After tho operation tho work
man waa nblo to mako his way down
tho ladder aud was tnkon to his home.
Decrease In Hydrophobia.
Since tho founding of the Pasteui
institute In Paris, thero has been a
stondy decline In tho number of cases
I of hydrophobia, none at all ociurlng
Boino years.
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