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DAKOTA COUNTY HERALD; DAKOTA CITY, NEBRASKA.
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FROM TTL PLAY OF GEORGErt-COMN HSSIKHJSsAX
8YN0P8I3.
Jackson Jones, nicknamed "Broadway"
because of his continual gloridcatlon of
Nw York's Breat thorouchfare, Is anx
ious to got away from his home town of
Jonesvllls. Abncr Jones, his uncle. Is
very an fry bocausn Broadway refuses to
nettle down and take a place In the gum
factory In which ho succeeded to his
fathers Interest Judge Spotswood In
forms Uroadwny that IZAOOO left him by
his father Is at his disposal. Broadway
makes record time In heading for his
ravorlto street In Now York.
CHAPTER III, Continued.
A year passed. Broadway carried
three book accounts, two of them not
very large and seldom checked upon.
Tho third was In New York's all-night
bank. Ho kept busy. "I foci as If I
ought to see the sun rlso often," bo.
explained. "Sunrises are so beauti
ful." Ha seldom heard from Joncavlllo In
these days. Judge Spotswood somo
times wrote to him, his undo never.
For a tlmo ho had endeavored to keep
ap a correspondence) with tho girls,
bat this had languished through his
owh exceeding occupation at more
preMlng matters and Joslo IUchardB'
sorrowful conviction that ho did not
tell her, lit his hriof, Infrequent let
ters, about all tho girls whom ho waB
meeting in New York.
His first Bhock camo when tho All
Night bank wroto him a lotter, asking
his to call and talk of his account, and
this did not occur until four years
had vanished in tho hazo of Broad
way's UghtB. It made him sit straight
In his chair and blink as a cold dash
from a seltzer bottlo sometimes had
when ho had needed It. nankin, en
tering', asked him If ho had a pain.
"You bet I havo," Bald ho. "And
I'm afraid It's serious."
"Shall 1- call a doctor, sir?"
j "No, call a banker."
nankin, puzzled, withdraw carofully.
He had learned to step with catlike
tread when he discovered that his
master was in serious mood. Ho hud
no wish to anger him. No butler in
the history of bulling had over had
a place so utterly Ideal. Pickings
plentiful; work trivial; all llfo had
been congenial for nankin slnco ho
had encountered Broadway Jones.
The day of tho bank's lotter was tho
first after be had reachod Now York
wbea Broadway did not go about his
(ay and simple routine of up Broad
way In the afternoon and down Broad
way at night, with movements so
timed that they made long pauses near
the Circle and near Forty-second
street' seem natural. Ho went homo
before five.
Whea nankin ventured to express
Surprise at his return to tho apart
Meat at that hour, ho snarlod at him.
"Go to tho d6vil, nankin I " ho sug
gested whon ho llngorod.
' "YoBslr; thank you, shy Bald nan
kin and withdrew.
He reachod tho kitchen with a face
so troubled that the Japanese boy, who
bad Bought 'domestic service horo with
(Judging from his wages) tho com
mendablo Intention of patriotically
sending home, each year, enough
American money to build a warship
(or his nation's navy, showed Interest.
"Wat Iss matturr, nanokcon?" tho
Sympathetic Oriental queried.
"I know men," said nankin, "and If
I didn't know that Mr, Jonos la really
a millionaire mado It out of chewing
mm, his family, I'm toldI should say
no was, bard up."
1 The Japnncso boy stared politely;
tie did not understand nt all.
"Of course he's not hard up," nan
Idn continued. "No hnrd-up man could
have aworo at mo as'ho did just now.
It can't be money, bo it muat bo
women."
"Llmmln," said tho Japanese, who
bad not mastered w's.
" "Lemons," nankin granted. "You're
almost right. I never saw a man
more popular. He spends, his money
like ho didn't caro for it, and does it
well because that Is tho fact. Ho
doesn't care for It. I never saw a
bod, I had a chance to boo hla arm.
Quite muacular It la Just as it folt
when ho was Joking with mo."
' Tho next day, by chonco, while visit
ing tho kitchen, nankin had a sudden
inspiration. "I wondor if ho is in
lovo?" ho pondered. "That Mr. Hen
slot that I attended just before he
married that grass widow was as absent-minded
oh, qulto absent-minded,
quite I Now, which one-"
nankin suddenly camo to a stand In
horror. Even to tho small and very
yellow cook It waa plain that tragic
thoughts had flashed into his mind.
"I wonder," he soliloquized If it
could possibly be that terriblo Gerard
old woman. Sho's had nor oyo on him
over since tho first night that Bho got
n glimpse of him."
As he spoke his master, as requost-
FOR THE BIG CITY VISITOR
Advice Given Those Who Only Infre
quently Have to Leave the
Home Town.
Metropolitan blomlshes and draw
backs are not often emphasized by the
class of buelnefw mon who aro per
haps tho most Interested In bringing
grangers to town the hotel kooporB.
Howevor, a Now York honlfaco has
had the frank and friendly inspiration
to proparo a card of "don'ts" for pre
sentation to each of bis guests.
An early suggestion has to do with
watches and monoy. Don't woar your
Usaeplece loose on a fob, and don't
fcetteve that a hip pocket is aa securo
as a bank." Why carry a roll, anyway,
whea the hotel office has a safe?
Next, the affable ktrangor. Don't
1st Mat persuade you that ho is an
MlM Sriatia
Meet, life sad limb. Don't believe
that you are as swift as an autorao
Mfe. Aad ioa't tots a (run "it la bst
U to ma."
Mast, trass. Boat o too coafl
i salty lata vaksowa ptoses; taa way
ed, was talking with tho first vice-president
of the bank. The man seemed
rather serious-minded, although on
that previous occasion when ho had
marked the beginning of their ac
quaintance, when Broadway had gono
to open his account with Just two
hundred thousand dollars, ho had been
geniality Itself.
"I moroly wished to havo a little
talk with you or Mr. Jonos," said he.
"You know your balance is er run
ning rather low."
"Is what?" said Broadway, In amaze
ment.
"Is running rather low."
"You don't moan that I've "
"You've drawn rather heavily
against It."
"But It was strong enough to stand
a terrible strain."
"Not quite Btrong enough to stand
without a protest tho strain to which
you have subjected It, Mr. Jones. It's
not exhausted, but lt'B "
"Getting tired?" Broadway himself
supplied the words.
"About that. You havo not been
having it written up, you know; I
thought perhaps you didn't realize the
figures. I'vo had them all mado out
for you." '
Broadway took one swift look at
thorn, then sank back in his chair and
took a longnr look at them. "Well, I'll
bo 1" he ventured.
"I was afraid you'd foci that way.
I only thought you ought to havo a
hint of Just how things aro running.
Young mon loso track of things some
times. I'vo known It to occur before."
Jackson scarcely saw Broadway
whon ho wont out of tho gray build
ing, and It was tho first tlmo ho had
over trodden Broadway without Boo
ing and admiring It
"Hollo, Broadway!" cried a merry
volco from just beyond tho curb. It
wan a blondo volco, and Issued from a
natty llttlo motor car with a sedan
chair top. Broadway had bought that
motor car and given It to tho blonde
volco. "Lot mo put you down some
where?" 'I'm not fooling very fit You might
take mo to tho m6rguo."
"Jump in; we'll make It tho Knick
erbocker."
But tho Knickerbocker had do
charms for Broadway at that mo
ment. He made his stay aa brief aa
posslblo in the bright restaurant
"Dolllo, darling," ho said gloomily,
1 don't need a restaurant, today; I
need a hospital. How would you llko
me, Dolllo, honostly, If I was broko?"
"You? Broke?" She laughed.
"No; Borlously. How would you like
mo?"
"It's nonsense; but you know what
Shanloy doea t6 broken dishes."
"Tho ash can. Eh?"
"It wouldn't be. for you, of courso;
but what's tho uso of being Mr.
Grump? Draco up? Como on up to
Churchill's and we'll drlnky-drlnk it
outy-out"
But Broadway would havo none of
bucIi a plan as that. Ho went to his
apartment, and, rummaging in every
drawer and pocket, collected every
bill which ho could find. Thoro wore
a hundred of them, ranging In nil
sorts of figures and for all sorts of
articles, from diamonds to gasoline,
from charity to faro. Tho arrival of
tho sympathetic nankin, who bollovcd
his .master had a headache, with n
note from MrB. Gerard, Interrupted tho
bookkeeping which, for tho first tlmo
In his llfo, Broadway had begun. It
had not boon encouraging, as far as
ho had gono.
Ho read tho note and found It to be
an Invitation. Deciding to nccopt It,
ho decided, also, that It must bo tho
last ono of the sort ho munt accept
It had becomo Intensely plain to him
that now had como tho tlmo whon ho
must ccaso his galotlcs and find moro
monoy.
Ho was a gloomy figure nt tho feast
that night, and his gloom grow with
overy ngod snillo which Mrs. Gerard
cast In his direction. It was plain
enough to him, to everyone, that this
exceedingly rich lady, of uncortnln ago,
regarded him with very friendly eyes.
She ovon sometimes called him "Jack
son." After tho dlnnor ho took Bobert
Wallace downtown with him in his
Bixty horsepower touring car.
"Mra. Gerard," ho ventured, "seems
a well-presorvod old or I mean that
Bho soems well preserved."
"Well canned, you moan," sold Wal
laco. "But too much chemical preserv
ative In females Is as dangerous as
It is in food. How did wo happen to
go thero tonight? You roped mo Into
that, Broadway. You didn't toll mo
whoro you meant to tnko mo. You
merely Bald wo'd go to dlnnor with
come friends of yours."
"Well, Bhe'B a friend of ralno."
out is not always bo straight and
DJiniuu aa mo way in.
Yet, on tho other hand, don't go to
tho harassing oxtromo of cnuilousnesa
and suspicion. Tho city Is not bad
lust becnuso It Is big, nor Is ovory ono
you moot necessarily a con man.
13lg cltloB, speaking bromldlcally,
aro allko. Though no local hotel man
line yot Issued a bulletin of warning,
what will servo tho donizon of Scho
harlo and Ktndorhook In Now York
will nlBo advantago tho visitor from
Chobanso or Vocatonlca In Chicago.
Chicago Post
Hint for Parcel Post Users.
A correspondent In tho Jewelers'
Circular complains that mnnv inwnirv
manufacturers aro sending by parcel
post what are really sealed packages
with an outer wrapping which gives
mem we appoaranco of being un
sealed. Whore there is no occasion
for tho post office department to opon
them, these sealed packagos go
through all right, but If for any rea
son such packages are opened and
the seals discovered, the jewelers ro
oalrlag them ars forced to pay full
Broadway defended rather hotly. An
Idea, so terrible that It was fascinat
ing, had occurred to him.
"Sho might havo gono to school with
your grandmother. It makes me sick
to see her oglo you. I think she wants
to marry you."
Broadway burst into a laugh which
ho was well aware was qulto too loud,
too cockly and too hollow; ho feared
acutely that his friend would recognize
its falseness.
"To marry mo! Ho, ho!" Instantly
his manner changed. "But I don't lrko
tho way you speak about her, 'Bob.
Itemcmber wo havo Just enjoyed her
hospitality!"
"Enjoyed It! Speak for yourself, old
manl If I had known where you wore
going, do you suppose I would have
gono with you? I can meet grand
mother's schoolmates at tho Old La
dles' homo. I don't have to go to dln
nor with them."
"Now, Bob I"
Wallace burst Into a laugh. "I be
lieve It 1b pure charity," ho guessed.
''You aro trying to make others happy.
You amlle on her as you would throw
a dollar Into a Salvation Army cash
pot around Christmas time."
"Bob, I'm thinking about getting
married."
His friend sat straight and looked nt
him in dumb amazement for a second,
"Married? And Is grandran. in como
way related tp tho bride who may be?"
"Bob, I need"
He stopped. Almost ho bad told his
friend ho needed monoy; but ho had
not tho courage. To confess poverty
on Broadway Is llko confessing mur
der In a church.
"Need what?"
"A rest I'm going to or tnko
somo sort of a vacation. Don't know
what. Maybe back to tho old homo.
Anyway, you won't 'seo mo around for
quite a llttlo whilo.;'
"Never mind, old chap! I'll tell
them all that you havo had to go
away on business. Go somowhoro and
get straightened out. You need it.
Thoro's something wrong with you, or
Robert Wallace.
you would never havo gono to that
dinner whoro that ancient madness
could oglo you tho way alio. did.
"Well, you won't Bee mo for n week
or two."
"Drop mo a lino If you want any
thing." Jackson Jones went away early on
tho following morning. Ab ignorant of
business and of business motbods as
a baby, yet ho tried to schomo somo
way by moans of which ho might ro
coup bis staggering finances. Wild
Ideas, all unpractical, whirled through
his brain.
Ho must havo monoy, that waB cer
tain. He had not the least Idea of
Just how ho had accomplished It, but
ho had spent his patrimony spent It
nil and moro than all of It. It ho had
paid up tho debts ho owed which nil
tho world seemed glad to have him
owe that was tho hard part of It;
everyone seemed anxious to havo him
first-class lotter postage. "A fow days
ago," tho correspondent relates, "I
had a packago Bent mo In this way.
Ab the sender mado a mlstngo In my
nnmo, tho poet affico authorities were
not suro to whom thoy should deliver
It, and, hoping to got a cluo from tho
charnctor of tho goods, romovod tho
outer wrapper and found tho eonlod
package Inside. Instead of nlno conts
for tho five pounds, thoy mado mo pay
32 cents a pound, a total of fl.CO.
Now York Timos.
Exchanged "Blarney."
An amualng lncldont occurred at
Boylo, Ireland, Quarter Sessions, a
fow days ago. A wltueaa In a caso, a
Mrs. llock, was told by Judgo Wakely,
that Bho was "a flno looking old wo
man." "Do you know," sho rejoined,
"wlint I said to mysolf whon I came
Into court?" "No," said his honor.
"Well," sho went on, "I said to myself
you aro tho finest looking man I evor
saw," "You make me bluBh," expos
tulated hlB honor, amidst loud laugh
ter, and Mrs. nock went on to snv
1she was seventy-five years of age, and
never saw a Judgs before.
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0T0GRAPH5
go in debt to them he would havo far
less than nothing left
For days he stewed nbovo his fig
ured In n room nf which hn kftit plnne
guard upon tho key. Ho told Rankin,
who was curious, that he planned to
wrlto a book.
"Indeed, sir? Fiction, sir?"
"Fiction? Gad, no I Fact" '
"A book of travel, sir? I've traveled
qulto a bit Perhaps"
"No. Or yes. Of travel up and down
Broadway."
"Splendid, sir, If I may be excused
for taking such a liberty. I'm sure no
gentleman in all Now York is moro
familiar with tho subject, sir. I shall
bo glad to, read It, sir. I'm suro it
will bo quite-a revelation!"
"nankin," said Broadway earnestly,
"If I wrote what I really know about
Broadway it would bo a revelation."
Ho grew very serious, for him. "It
would put some men on pedestals, and
they would not bo those who now
stand hlghst It would put somo men
behind the bars, and among them are
somo men who now nro free to como
and go, with welcomes when they
come and Invitations when they leave,
In every place whero peoplo gather in
this town."
Ho burst into a sudden laugh. "Great
Btuff, eh, Bankln? When you say'
'Broadway' you stir mo up. I love It,
hate It: it nlwnvn fanclnntpn mo.
Thero's no street llko It In tho world."
"If your book Is llko that. Blr. It
will bo a big success," commented
Bankln, spellbound. It's coiner to bo
a flno book, Mr. Jones."
"It won't interest Broadwnv. Thnrn'n
only ono kind of book that Broadwnv
cares about"
"And what is that, sir?"
"Check books, nankin. Now I'm eo-
Ing into into " Ho did not know
Just what tb call tho room which ho
kept locked.
"Your study, sir?"
"Thanks, nankin. Yea: I'm trnlmr tn
my study. Don't lot mo bo disturbed."
"I'll not, sir."
When ho left that "study" ho avoid
ed nankin. His flncors were ink-
Btatned from calculations hln hnlr wni
qulto dlshoveled, his eyes were wido
and rolling. Ho could seo no hopo
ahead.
Ho wrote a letter to his uncle ex
plaining that investments had gono
wrong and that ho needed a Bmall loan
of fifty thousand dollars for three
months. Ho was suro that if he got
this ho would be enabled to find some
way out. By return of mall ho had
an answer In an envelope which
Btrangely bulged. Ho opened It with
trembling fingers and a packago of
Jones' Popsln Gum fell out.
"Chow this and forgot It," Bald tho
cheerful noto which Undo Abnor had
wrapped round1- It It said further:
"I'm going td Europo for five years.
Don't bother mo again. You've made
you bed, now Ho on It"
That was tho last straw. Without
tho least Idea of what he wished to
do, tho frantic Broadway started out
to find somo work by which, nt least,
he could earn honestly his board and
keep.
Wall streot offered nothing, for when
ho went down to seo his friends there
his courage, failed entirely and instead
of asking them to find a place for him
ho bought them, ono by ono, expensive
luncheons.
Ho went to neighboring cities, hop
ing thoro to find some means of get
ting food to cat without getting it on
credit, and thero ho had somo strange
experiences which lasted soveral dnya.
But, while ho just escaped the uniform
of tho Salvation Army, ho did not find
work and wandored back to Broadwny,
tho apartment and moro debt.
Ho had no profesalon, know no
trade. Half crazed with tho obsession
tnat ho muat no longer run In debt,
ho decided to sell out tho
dls-
charge tho servants and do menial
labor. Itunnlng through tho list of
hlB abilities ho decided, with frank
solf-contcmpt, that about tho best
Which ho COUld do was liftln In n V,rt.,1
as bellboy. Ho know too llttlo about
mathomntlcs to keen bookB? lm nn..
would Bucceed as desk-clerk. But ho
could not bring himself to try to got
a Job of that sort It would too often
bring him into contact with tho folk
ho knew.
Ono afternoon, while wmiinrin- in
nn aimlosa funk upon a side streot, ho
Baw a cara in rront or an apartment
houso announcing that an elevator boy
was wantod. Ho rushed in with alac
rity and determination nnd at tho
very threshold met Mrs. Gorard, who
had been calling on a friend thoro. In
stead of asking for tho Job ho took
a drlvo with her.
It was whilo thlB drlvo progrossod
that tho sordid, vicious tempter doll-
WAS SERVED BY ROYALTY
English Prince, Now King, Not Above
Doing an Obliging Thing for the
Professor.
When Professor Vambery, tho fa
mous Orientalist, whoso death oc
curred recently, arrived nt Sandrlng
ham on a visit ho received a mossago
that Queen Alexandra wantod to boo
him
Ho doclded to wash his hands first,
bo ho wont to his room and rang tho
boll to ask for hot water. No ono
camo, though ho rang tho bell ropoat
cdly. Then thoro camo a knock at tho
door and a youth entered. "Do you
want anything, professor?" ho asked.
"Yes," repllod tho professor, "I have
boon ringing for Borao hot wator."
"Walt a moment and I'll get you
Borao," was tho obliging reply. Tho
boy disappeared, returning Mn a fow
minutes with a large jug of hot water
which ho placed on tho washstand.
Tho professor thanked him and ho
withdrew.
After he had washed ths profsscor
f"'''k: HasaM 1
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COMPAHG
ytis--
nitely seized him In his tolls. Tho an
cient but vivacious dame waB very
affable most agreeablo Indeed. She
waB not motherly; she was flirtatious.
And she accompanied her coquetry by
a shrewd exposition of the magnitude
of her unquestionably enormous
wealth. It staggered him.
If he had not at tho moment had a
simple little Joslo Richards' letter in
bis pocket he might have been swept
under. A thousand times ho had dis
covered tho necessity of assuring him
self, as ho traveled up and down
Broadway, that he did not caro for
Joslo Richards. She was not the sort
of girl who captivated one who knew
life as he knew It; Bho was dear, but
sho waa simple, unsophisticated and
what ho most admired was wido bc
phlatlcatlon; he thought aa little of
her as be could, but now she popped
into his mind and made him edge away
from tho aged, wealthy widow.
Whon ho wont back to tho flat ho
found awaiting him new sheafs of
bills, none pressing him mere state
ments. Tho rumor had not started
that ho was not good pay. Broadway
still delighted in him, still endeavored
to induco him to accept Its credit. This
gavo him new distress; ho knew him
self he know he would go out that
night and run more debts.
Suddenly he knew what to do. It
camo to him without an effort of the
brain. It was a tragic Inspiration.
Without a word to nankin, atealthlly
and secretly, ho went forth Into the
afternoon In his smart runabout, still
driven by tho taxi-cabman, who now
regarded him with something akin to
worship, and sought a gunshop and a
chemist's.
In tho former ho mado purchase of a
large, grim, blued-steel automatic pis
tol of the largest caliber they had In
stock, and secured one box of cart
ridges. It seemed a waste of money,
which by rights was definitely tho
property of creditors, to buy so many
cartrldgca, for ho should nded but one!
However, ho feared that to aak for ono
would pin attention to him and frus-.
trate what he had In mind, so he put
the heavy box into his pockot. It
made it sag outrageously, which very
much annoyed him. No man on
Broadway was moro careful of his
clothes. But what, after all, did a
sagged pocket matter now?
At the chemist's he secured an ounce
of bichloride of mercury, which had
been fashionable of late among smart
suicides. He had no difficulty in ob
taining it This eased him and a fur
ther satisfaction grew out of the fact
that though it hold potentialities as
deadly as tho automatic gun and cart
ridges could hold it made a little pack
age, not heavy In the least, and so
did not sag the othor pocket, where ho
placed It very carefully.
As he whirled uptown In tho run
about ho frequently folt of tho deadly
things.
Ho liked tho feol of neither of them.
Tho revolver was so hard and business-like,
tho pill bottle was so slip
pery, so cold and heartless! What an
end was this for Broadway Jones!
Again seated In tho llttlo study, he
solemnly rovlewed his life. Ho saw no
points at which ho had mado very
great mistakes, savo tho important one
of thinking that a quarter of a million
is a lot of money in New York.
"I've been nothing but a piker," ho
reflected, "and I'vo acted like tho
trade-marked article. I ought to get
it in the neck and I am going to get It
In tho neck."
This unpleasantly reminded him nnd
he caressed tho neck wherein ho was
to get It Novor, In tho past, when
he had used that slang expression had
It really suggested his own neck to
him or any other actual neck. Now
It mado his flesh creep and his blood
run cold behind his collar.
"Well, horo goes!" ho whispered,
and took out a pill, afterwards arrang
ing the revolver, which Was already
loaded.
Ho held tho pill botween tho fingers
of a tremulous left hand; gripped in
his faltering right ho hold tho weapon.
"Hero goes!" ho Bald again and
nankin rapped upon tho door.
Haatily ho hid tho dreadful evi
dences of his dire intention.
"Come in!" ho feebly called.
(TO BE CONTINUED.)
In Praise of Poverty.
It seems a matter of universal desire
that poverty should bo abolished. Wo
should bo quite willing to abolish lux
ury ,but to abolish honest, Industrious,
Bolf-denylng poverty would bo to de
stroy the soil upon which mankind pro
duces the virtues which enable our
raco to reach a still higher civilization
than it now possesses. Androw Car
negie. desconded to pay his respects to his
royal hoateaa, but after a few mlnuteB'
conversation ho was surprised to boo
his "hot water" boy como up to tho
group.
"Ah, professor," Queen Aloxandra
remarked, Introducing tho boy, "this
1b my son!"
Aftor thnt tho professor nicknamed
tho boy, who Is now King George V.,
"Tho noynl Jug Bearer."
French Humor.
"French humor is a llttlo too broad
for us and, whon It Isn't broad It Is
apt to bo disgusting."
Tho Bpoakor was a playwright who
has adapted so many French plays.
Sho continued:
"A Frenchman told mo a Joko tho
other day. Ho said two rustic Bwoot
hearts wero walking out together. The
girl remarked:
"'I llko you vory well, Gaston; all
oxcept thoso lotters, G. S., tattooed oa
your hand.'
" 'But,' said Gaston hotly, 'don't you
know, my dear, that It's tho latest
style to havo your Initial on your
handkerchleir "
Funny Newspaper Article Traps Hungry Vagrant Av
SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. Dawn was hreaklng and tho streots wero very
still as Policeman McCarto proceeded along his beat on Golden Gate
ivenuo, near Fillmore street At midnight, five hours before, whon Policeman
(3 r
JB3f . t spring In
P MrPnrtA
hastened down tho block on tlptoo to Investigate.
In tho middle of the square he found a remarkably dirty, bewhlskerod
tatterdemalion seated coolly on the front steps of a resldenco reading tho
morning paper which ho had picked up from the doorstep and chuckling con
tinually as ho read. The vagrant mado quite a picture. In hla right hand he
held a bottle bf milk which ho had half omptlod and which from tlmo to tlmo
ho would place to his lips and take a luxurious sip of tho beverage.
"Ho, ho!" laughed tho vagrant arriving at another funny point In tho
article, then gazing upward, magnetized no doubt by McCarto's scrutiny and
seeing no mirth in tho eyes of McCarte's, "Como wit you?" said ho as If
McCarto had spoken when as a matter of fact tho latter had so far uttored
not a word, "Wy sure. Walt'll I finish dls hero milk. Do loldy wotent use
wot's In do bottlo now, anyway. Say, afore we eo chust pipe dls horo article,
will yer?"
Five hours later tho newspaper waB Exhibit No. 1 In tho case before Pollco
Judge Sullivan, wherein tho vagrant was charged with potty larcony.
s
Gift From Budapest Puzzles St. Louis Officials
ST. LOUIS, MO. Some kind friend has sent tho secretary of the city coun
cil copies of tho Budapest Szekes fovaros-Kozlgazgatas! Evkoyvo and tho
Adatok AJnrwanyoa Belegsegek Ea Az
Tekenteltel A voshenyre. Secretary David W.
Voyles Is vehemently demanding axplanatlons
from somebody. Tho package looked Innocent
enough and purported to come from Washington,
D. C. Tho only thing Voyles is right certain about
Is that the things are books. They opon and shut,
have covors, and the pages aro numbered. Oth
erwise Anyway, tho council members refuso to becomo
Interested in them. No one has discovered a
single line that looks as If It might refer to tho
free brldgo or the billboard ordinance. So far as
can be told, there Is no referenco to tho high
prlco of butter and eggs.
Every man who has tried to pronounce a word
in the volumes has sprained hla tongue. Opinions
aro divided aa to Juat what tho language la In
which they aro written. Magyar, Sanscrit, Turkish and plain Bohemian aro
aomo of the suggestions, with all Indications favoring tho latter guess. What
ever the books may contain they wero written by a Dr. Thlrring Gusztav of
Budapest, who did not spare words.
Hero Is a sample passago:
Az ekkent megallapltott koltsegvetest, valamlnt a kozsegl adopotlek kulu
sanak folomelcset a belugyminiszter ur 1908. evl aprllls 30-an kelt 54.467 III.
bz. a. kelt lelrataval hagyta Jova, amelyben azonban klemell annak szuk
segessotget, hogy nz eddlgelo a kolsconpenzekbol fodozott, voltakepen azonban
a rendes evl kezeles terhet kepezott osszegok reszlotekben vlsszatcrittes
senk, valamlnt hogy az lor nem latott rendklvull kiadnsok fejezeto ineg
felelobben javadalmaztassek.
Voyles Is considering giving tho books to tho janitor.
AAMVWVWWAM
This City Cow Qualifies as a First-Class Militant
PITTSBUBGH, PA. Special Policeman James Boyd of East Pittsburgh
doesn't want a Job ns a cowboy. There's nothing to It! Ho couldn't
qualify. He tried the other day and failed.
If -rigS
9&
Cl-
track Just as tho flyer whizzed by. Once across the track, the cow was re
lieved of her hobble. When thoy had gono down Braddock avenuo a short
distance, sho became dissatisfied with tho slow pace. Boyd couldn't keep up.
He tripped, fell and waB dragged somo CO yards beforo ho could unwind tho
rope from his waist.
All went well until tho Pennsylvania railroad arch brldgo was reached.
Hero tho cow refused to move from a spot under the bridge and directly In
tho mlddlo of the single car track. Traffic was tied up for half an hour. Boyd
and the btreet car men coaxed and cussed. At last by sheer "elbow grease"
the animal was lifted across tho trolley tracks.
It was after noon when Boyd and his "prisoner" arrived at the police sta
tion. Tho cow Is under the special care of Burgesa ShieldB until such tlmo as
tho owner of tho animal appears.
Indiana Girl Awakes to Find Her Tresses Gone
" m i i
INDIANAPOLIS, IND. When she was called tho other morning, Thelraa
Long, ten-year-old daughter of Mr. and Mrs. J. B. Long, 822 East Georgia
street, walked Into her mother's bedroom, sleepily rubber her eyes.
Her mother nolo up nor uuuua m uorror uuu
demanded: -
"Why, Thelma, what havo you done with your
hnlr?"
Tho girl hastily put her hands to her head and
found Instead of tho long flowing locks, tho prldo
of tho entire household, only short, stubby bris
tles. Sho ran to a mirror and burst Into tears.
Mrs. Long, believing tho dlsappenranco of tho
hair was duo to a childish prank, cajoled and
threatened, but Tholma declared that sho did not
know whnt had become of tho pretty golden
brown tresses, which wero 15 Inches long land
which sho had worn when sho retired.
A hasty Investigation was mado and a door
lending to tho girl's bedroom was found open.
"Burglars!" exclaimed Mrs. Long.
But nothing except tho child's hair was missing from the homo.
Mr. Long called pollco headquarters, and Detectives Simon nnd Dugan
wero sent to Investigate. They admitted later that tho caso had them
"Btumped." The detectives havo something of a reputation a3 "confessors,"
but thoy could not got Miss Long to admit that she know what had bocomo
of her treasured locks.
"I lovod them too much," Bho declared when It was suggested that Bho
had cut them off horself.
To add to tho mystory, mombors of tho family doclaro that a dog which
Is kept In tho houso at night had been quiet, and that ho surely would havo
caused a disturbance If thloves had entered.
Millions for Defense.
A negro had henrd of Charles C.
Plcknoy'8 famous words, "Millions for
defense but not ono cent for tribute."
Satao tlmo later ho was crossing a
field on foot and an angry bull chasod
him. Ho mado a tremendous effort
to got to tho fence first and thla is
vhat he said: "Millions for do fence,
'ut not one cent for do brute."
1 it M la ? c--
McCarto, having Just reported for duty stood in
line with his fellow patrolmen in tho assembly
room of tho Bush street pollco station, tho lieu
tenant Instructed tho watch to bo particularly on
tho look out for milk and paper thieves.
Policeman McCarto suddenly remembered tho
warning of his superior officer as ho was gazing
at the reddening sky over Oakland and ho hoard
a hearty peal of laughter issuing from somo point
halfway down the block.
Hearty laughter at dawn when tho laughter Is
not of a maudlin chnractor Is an extraordinary
phenomenon. This laughter had tho tone of
sobriety, of appreciation and seemed to proceed
trmn n mlrfli !,! hllhlilnrl nn Itlfn n tinntlnfn Iti
the winter season.
nullptl hlmanlf tnppthnr ntilpklv nnrt
Ovintezkedosekl Kerdeshez-Kulono3
19 LP
"fv
T"-Tf..rn n i
Camo to tho ears of tho East Pittsburgh police
tho story that a stray cow was In the Brlntoa
district and that foreigners wero putting a crimp
in the dairyman's receipts by milking bossy by
turns. Boyd was sent to Investigate.
He found the cow easily. But taking her
back ono mile to tho pqllco station well, that's
another story. Horo 'tis:
Boyd hobbled Bossy so that she could not run
away ho though. Ho then tied" a rope to her
horns and tho other end about his waist. They
started well, but In crossing tho Pennsylvania
railroad nt Braddock avenuo the cow foil In the
middle of tho track. Boyd heard a passenger
train approaching and the cow lay on tho track.
Ho was still tied to tho cow. By an almost supers
human effort Boyd dragged tho animal from the-
mti?&
Spanish Dignity.
Dignity Is tho prevailing InBtlnct
among every class In Spain, Bays a
woman who haa spent much time In
that land of romance. The very beg
gars ask for alms with dignity and if
you have nothing to glvo you do not
shout "Go away!" but if you aro a
Spaniard "Go thou with God; X
havo nothing for thee today."
"Hi
i