kh .
Ui.
i h-liii m Hd.'WIlumllwtri
r
H-
irr
L
r
II
hi
i
f
n
I; v
I 1
i I
DAKOTA CITY HERALD
JOHN H. REAM, Publisher.
T &AKOTA CITV, . NEBRASKA,
THE BUSYBODY.
Wo shun thorn at every opportunity,
thoso busy-bodies who poao as our
Vricnds when really they are qulto tho
contrary, and who Bccm to think they
are endowed by a special act of Provi
denco with regulating tho affairs of
their neighbors as woll ns of those
jftho would "rather not bo their neigh
bors. It is easy to comprehend how
such persons earn their characteriza
tion and easier still for us to apply
euch a description to all thoso who In
any way display what wo may regard
as an unduo interest In our affairs,
8ya tho Christian Nows and Courier.
It is possibto, howoror, that tho cap
which wo place so unhesitatingly
upon tho heads of certain persons
would provo a better fit for us It no
could persuado ourselves to "try It
on." Unquestionably tho mere sug
gestion to somo of us that wo could
erer overstep tho limit of our friend
ly Interest In others is distasteful,
nnd In many cases probably unwar
ranted, yet It Is truo that one of tho
distinctive characteristics of tho pres
ent age, with Its freedom of living
and its consequent sacrlflco of many
of thoso refining and restraining in
fluences that woro so vital a part of
.another and moro distant day, Is tho
readiness with which wo lndulgo our
curiosity. Not satisfied nowadays
with tho bestowal of a confidence
which Is sufficient, perhaps, to pique
our Interest It Is not unusual for somo
persons to solicit further details nnd
In other ways to evlnco a too eager
concern In tho affairs of others.
Custav Frenssen's "Klaus Hlnrlch
Baas" reminds ono of "David Coppor
ilcld" in Its long deliberative) unwind
4ng of a life history up to middle nge,
end a little, too, In Its general plan,
with Its unhappy lovo marriage fol
lowed by a moro satisfactory union,
says the London Times, nut Frcnsscn
plows deep In tho field of moral and
social problems, nnd his plot Is cou
Tlnclng wo are not obliged to tako
tho facts on tho honor of tho narrator.
Tho horo is a peasant's son a piece
f tough, proud, full-blooded North
German humnnlty. In ono moment of
bitter disillusionment ho asks hlmsolf
twfeat-his too great teacher::. School
and Church, had dono for him except
mislead him. They had given him
fables, impossible Idealisms, "two gos
pels, the gospel of tho Savior and
tho gospel of Schiller, but of true,
genuine knowledge ot life not a ves
tige" How ho gets this knowledge
38 tho themo of tho book; a fine and
moving story which flows on in a
ter that gives a singularly powerful
Impression of tho masslvoness and
variety of life.
New York is protesting against a
new danger In tho reckless driving of
automobiles by boys and girls through
iho streets, and legal moans nro to be
.sought to prevent tho lives of citi
zens being put In danger by childron.
Tho automobile, In somo way, Booms
to ho associated with disregard of tho
Tights of pedestrians to an extent
which lias rendered it a menaco of
civilization, as woll as ono of its lux
uries. But as far as children are con
cerned, they should bo legally re
strained from being allowed In charge
ot any vehicle. They aro too fond of
any kind of power and too IrrcsponsU
We In its use an exceedingly danger
ous combination.
Now it Is discovered that the fa
L7 mous pirate, Captain Kldd, who, ac-
wording to tho old song, "much wick
edness ho.4ifl as Jia sailed." was
- really n,o pirate at all, but an honest
and good-tempered old sailor. Dut
there are some cherished Illusions to
which tho mind will always cling, and
It will require moro authority than la
given to Induce tho popular imagina
tion to accept a romantic and pic
turesquo plrato as an uninteresting
ttnd commonplace good honest man.
Another rich Amnrlefln gjrl Js to
marry an English nobloman. Tho
next generation of tho British poor
ago will bo as much Amorlcan as Eng
lish, If these international marriages
keep on, and with such an infusion of
Americanism, even tho famous British
conservatism and lovo ot tradition
-may jjivo way to a startling extont
But the nation seemB not to caro for
this Americas danger as long no It
can asalmllato so much of the Amer
ican coin.
A dreadnaught la a formidable ob
ject, but it affords a shining mark for
little aeroplane flitting hither and
!yon among tho clouds. In a few
eara, perhaps, somobody will build
an aeroplano destroyer.
From Honoy Creek, la., comes tho
tory that a bolt of lightning dug a
well and Sound water after a farmer
Iliad tried in vain for years. Evi
dently Honey Creok Is trying to com
pote with Wlnstod, Conn.
A Pennsylvania pastor, gotting $30
a month salary, has been ordered to
jpay his wlfo $8 monthly alimony.
(How truo it is that "To him that
hath shall be given, and from him
that hath not even that which h
thatb shall bo taken away."
Kv
One railroad Is to teach politeness
Uj- ,4o its employes. It will be great to
, r , jftv tne soft answer which turnotti
Sswy wrath wfeea one baa just missed
tW7:l tratm.v
The Shamrock
and the Palm
By O.
(Copjrilglit, 1V10,
x. it. ,....,.....
&1 Street, ono day, 1 met
7A Plntmv wfintn 1 )tnt
not seen In months.
Clnncy Is an Amorlcan
with an Irish diathesis
and cosmopolitan pro
clivities. Many buil
Bosses hare claimed
him, but nono for long.
Tho roadBtcr's blood
is In his veins.
Ho greeted mo with
heartiness, and I thought I saw some
thing In his eyo that ought to bo di
vulged. Sometimes, when Clancy has
relumed from his voyages Into tho In
formal and tho egregious, ho can bo
porsuaded to oral construction. Now
I thought I saw In him symptoms of
voluntary discourse, so I hastily eon
voyed him to a llttlo cafo nearby,
wliero a fan buzzed, mitigating the
torrid sultriness of tho New Orleans
summer.
"'TIb very near tho tropics, this
wenthor today," said Clancy apropos
I thought of tho season. Hut, it
appeared, It had moro to do with his
story. I nodded confirmntorlly.
"'Tls elegant weather," continued
Clancy, "for fillbustorln'. 'Tls what I'vo
been doln' for two months past, strng
glln' to llbernto a forolgn people from
n tyrant's clutch. 'Twas hard work.
'Tls fltrnlnlu' to tho back nnd grows
corns on your hands."
"So," I said, "you've turned soldier
of fortune In earnest. I hopo you made
It pay. To what country did you lend
your old?"
"Whorc'3 Kamchatka?" asked Clnn
cy, Irrelevantly, I thought.
"Why, off Siberia, up la the Arctic
roglonH, I believe," I answered, some
what doubtfully.
"I thought that was tho cold ono,"
said Clancy, with a nod. "I'm always
gottln tho two names mixed. 'Twns
Quatomala, then tho hot ono I'vo
been fillbusterln' with. Yo'll find thnt
country on tho map. 'Tls In tho dis
trict known as tho tropics. . IJy the
foresight of Provldenco, It lies on the
coast so tho geography man could run
the names of tho towns off Into th
water. Thoy'ro on Inch long, small
type, composed of Spanish dialects,
nnd, 'tis my opinion of tho snmo sys
tern of syntax that blow up tho Maine.
Yes, 'twas that country I sailed
Against, slnglo-hnndcd, and cudonvorcd
to liberate It from a tyrannical guv
ornment with a single-barreled pickax,
unloaded at that Yo don't under
stand, of course 'Tls n statement de
tnaasin" elucidation and apologies.
" 'Twns ono morning about tho first
of Juno; I was standln' down on tho
Wharf, lookln ubout at tho ships In
tho river. Thero was n llttlo stoamor
moored right opposlto mo that scomod
about ready (o sail. Tho funnels of It
woro throwln' out smoko, and n gang
of touslttboutfl woro carryln' aboard a
pilo of boxes thnt wus stacked up un
tho wharf. Tho boxes woro about two
foot squaro, and spmothln' llko four
feet long, and they Boomed to bo pret
ty heavy.
"1 walked over, cnreloss, to tho stack
of boxes. I saw ono uf Ilium laid beii
biokon lrl handlln". 'Twan curiosity
mndo mo pull up tho looso top und
look Instdo. Tho box was packed full
pf Winchester riflos. 'So, so,' says I
to mysolf; 'somebody's gottln a twist
on tho neutrality laws. Somebody's
aldin' with munitions of war. I won
dor whero "tho popguns aro goln'.'
"I heard somobody cough, nnd I
turned around. Thoro stood a llttlo,
round, fat man with n brown faco and
whlto clothos, a first-class-looking Ut
ile man, with a four-karut diamond on
his finger and his oyo full ot interro
gations and respocts. I Judgod hu wns
a kind of foreigner muybo from Rus
sia or Japan or the nrchlpulngoos.
"'HlHtl' saya tho round man, full ot
concealments nnd ooniidoiipus. 'Will
tho sonor respect tho tllscovoryraents
lin has made, that tho mans on tho
ship shall nut bo acquaint? Tho sonor
will bo n gontlnmnn that shall not ex
pose ono thing lluit by accident occur.
" 'Mousoor,' sayp I for I JudKod hlui
to bo n kind of Frenchman, that as
sortment of foreigners being doomed
by natura to politeness nnd dlnlccta
'receive my most oxnspornted assur
ances that your secret Is safo with
Juinos Clancy. Furthermore, I will go
bo fur as to remark, Vcov la Liberty
veev It good nnd strong. Whcnavor
you hear of it Clancy obstruutlu' tho
abolishment of qxjKMn' governments
you may notify mo by return mall.'
'"Tho fitaor Is good,' dur tlm durk,
fat man, smllln' undor his blaclt mus
tache 'Wish you to como aboard my
ship and drink of wino n glass?'
"Doln' a Clancy, In two minutes mo
nnd tho fotolgn man woro soutcd at a
tablo In tho cabin ot tho stoamor with
a bottlo between us. I could hoar tho
heavy boxes beln dumped Into tho
hold. I judged that cargo must consist
pf at loast 2,000 Winchesters.
"'You goln' to stir things up in your
country, ain't you, monseor?' says I,
with a wink to lot him know I was
on.
"'Yos, yes,' says tho llttlo man,
pounding his flBt on tho table. 'A
change of tho greatest will occur. Too
long navo tho peoplo been oppressed
with tho promises and tho novor-to-happen
things to become. Tho great
work It shall bo carry on. Yos. Our
forces shall In tho cupltnl city strlko
of tho soonest. CarrambosI'
" 'CarramboB is tho word, says I. bo
ginning to invent mysolf with enthusi
asms and more wlno, 'IHtowlao, voova,
as I said boforo. May tho shamrock
of old I moan the bannnn-vlno or tho
plo-plnnt, or whatever tho imperial em
blom may bo of your down-trodden
country, wave forevor.'
"'A thousand thank-yous,' says tho
round man, 'for your omission of nmlo
ablo uttorances. What our cavuo neods
of tho very moBt is mnns who will tho
work do, to lift It along. Oh, for ono
thousands strong, good mans to aid
I
H
HENRY
by h. L. .Ncltton.)
tho denoral De Vega that ho shall to
hfs country bring thoso success and
glory It Is hard oh, so hard to find
good mans to help In the work.'
"'Monsccr,' says I, lcnnln' over tho
table and graspln' his hand, 'I don't
know whero your country Is, but mo
heart bleeds for It. Tho heart of a
C.r.r.cy was never deaf to the zisht of
nn oppressed people Tho family is
flllbustcrors by birth, and foreigners
by trade. If you can uso James
Clancy's arm and his blood In denudln
your shores of tho tyrant's yoke
they're yours to command.'
"CoucrnI De Vega was ovcrcomo
with joy to conflscato my condolenco
of his conspiracies and predicaments.
Ho tried to cmbrnco me ncrosn tho
table, but his fatness, and tho wlno
that was not In tho bottlos, prevented.
Thus wns I welcomed Into tho ranks
of Mlbusiery. Then tho general man
told mo his country had the name of
Guatemala, and wns the greatest na
tion laved by nny ocean whatever, any
where. IIo lookod nt mo with tears
In his eyes, and from tlmo to timo ho
would emit the remnrk, 'Ah! big,
strong, bravo mans! That is what my
country need.'
"General Do Vega, as was tho nnmo
by which ho denounced himself,
brought out a document for mo to
sign, which I did, mnkln' a flno flour
ish und curlycuo with tho tall of tho
y.
"'Your passage-money,' says tho
general, businesslike, 'shall from your
pay be deduct.'
""Twill not, says I, haughty. 'I'll
pay my own passage' A hundred and
eighty dollars I had in my InBldo pock
ot, and 'twns no common filibuster I
was goln' to bo, fillbusterln Tor mo
board and clothes.
"Well, then, in threo days wo sailed
alongside that Guatctwila. 'Twas a
bluo country, and not yellow, ns 'tis
inls-colorcd on tho map. Wo landed at
n town on the coast whero a train of
cars wns wnltin' for n dinky llttlo rail
road. Tho boxes on tho steamer were
brought ashoru and loaded on tho cars.
Tho gang of Dagoes got aboard, too.
tho general and mo in tho front cur.
Yos, mo nnd Gonernl Do Vega headed
tho revolution, ns it pulled out of tho
seaport town. That tniln traveled
about an fast as a policeman gain' to
a riot. It penetrated tho most con
spicuous lot of fuzzy sconery.cver seen
outsldo n geography. Wo run somo
forty miles in seven hourB, and tho
train stopped.
"They uploaded, the boxs from th
train nnd begun to knock tho tops off.
From tho first ono that was opened I
saw Gencrnl Do Vega tako tho Win
chester rifles' and pass thorn around
to u sqund of morbid, Fore-toed poi
dlery. The oilier boxes was opened
next, and, bellovo mo or not, dlvll an
other gun wus to bo seen. Every other
box In tho lot was full of pickaxes
and qpndcs,
"And then sorrow bo upon thorn
tropics the proud Clancy and tho dis
honored Dagoes, ench ono of thorn, had
to shoulder n pick or u spade, and
march away to work on that dirty lit
tle railroad Yes; 'twns thnt tho Da
goes shipped for, nnd 'twns that t'o
fillbusterln' Clnncy signed for, though
unbeknownst to hlrasolf nt tho time.
In nftor days I found out nbout it.
It sooms 'twas hard to got hands to
work on that road. Tho Intelligent na
tives of tho country was too lazy to
woik. Indeed, tho snlntB know 'twns
unnecessary. By strotchln' out ono
hnnd, thoy could seize tho most dell
eato and costly fruits of tho onrth,
nnd, by stretchln' out tho other, thoy
could sloop for dnyB at n timo without
liuurlu' a sovou-o'eloek whistle or tho
footsteps of tho rent man upon tho
stairs. So, regular, the steamers trav
eled to tho United Stntos to seduce
labor. Usually tho Imported spndo
sllngcr dlod in two or three months
from entln' tho ovor-rlpo water and
brwithln' tho violent tropical sccnerj'.
Whoroforo, thoy made them sign cou
trnctb for a year whon they hired
thorn, und put nn armed guard ovur
the poor dovlls to kcop thorn from run
nln nwny.
"Twas tlntn i wns double-crossed
liv tin. troplcn through n family fnllln'
of goln' out ot tho way to lmnt dis
turbances. "Thoy gave mo a pick, and 1 took It,
mcdltntln' an Insurrection on tho spot;
but thoro wns tho guards handlln' tho
Winchesters carolcso, and I como to
Iho conclusion that dlsorotlon was tho
)ct par' of Dlllnmtorln'i Thoro wns
nbout a hundred of us In tho gang
stiirtln" out to work, nnd tho word was
glvon to move. I steps out of the
ranks nnd goes up to that Qoncril Do
Vega man, who was smoktn' a cigar
nnd gazln" upon tho sceno with satis
factions nnd glory. Ho smiles at mo
polite and devilish. 'Plenty work,"
says ho, 'for big, strong mans In
Guatemala. Yes. T'lrty dollars In the
month. Good pay. Ah, yes, You
Btrong, brave man. nimoby wo push
thoso railroad In tho capital very
quick. Thoy want you go work now.
Adlos, strong mans.'
'"Monseor, says 1, llngorln. 'will
you toll n poor llttlo Irishman this;
When I sot foot on your cockroachy
steamer, and breathed llboral and
revolutionary sentiments into your
sour wlno, did you think I was cou
splrln' to sling a pick on your con
temptuous llttlo railroad? And whon
you nnswored mo with patriotic reel
tntlons, humplug up tho star-spangled
causo of liberty, did you hnvo medita
tions of reducln' mo to tho rnnks of
tho stump grubbln' Dagoes In tho
chnln-gnngs of your vll nnd grovelln'
country?'
"Tho general man expanded his ro
tundity and laughed consldornblo. Yes,
ho laughed very long nnd loud, and I,
Clancy, stood and waited.
"'Comical mans I ho shouts, at last
So, you will kill mo from tho laughing.
Yes; It is hard to find tho bravo,
strong mans to aid my country. Revo
lutions? Did I speak of r-r-rcvolutlons
Not ono word. I say, big, strong mans
Is need in Guatemala. So. Tho mis
take is of you, You havo looked In
thoso ono box containing thoso gun
for tho guard. You think all boxes Is
contain gun? No, no. Thero Is not
war in Guatemala. Hut, work? Yos,
Good. T'lrty dollar in tho month. You
shnll shoulder ono pickax, sonor, nnd
dig for tho liberty nnd prosperity of
Guatemala. Off to your work.. Tho
guard waits for you.'
" 'Llttlo fat, poodle dog of n brown
man,' says I, qulot, but full of Indlgnn
tions nnd discomforts, 'things shall
happen to you. Mnybo not right nwny,
hut ns soon ns J, Clancy can lormulato
flomothln' In the way of repartee'
"Tho boss of tha gang orders us to
work. I tramps off with tho Guineas,
and I hears tho distinguished patriot
and kldnnper laughin', hearty, as wo
go.
'"Tls a sorrowful fact, for eight
weeks I built railroads for that mlsbe
hnvln' country. I filibustered twelve
hours a day with a heavy pick and a
spado, choppln away tho luxurious
landscapo that grew upon tho right of
wny. Wo worked in swamps that
smelled llko there wns a leak In tho
gns mains, trampln down a flno as
sortment of tho most expensive hot
house plants and vegetables.
"Ono old man named Halloran a
man of Hibernian entitlements and dis
cretions, oxplalncd it to me. Ho had
been workln' on tho road a year. Most
of them died In less than six months.
Ho was dried up to gristle and bone,
nnd shook with chills every third
night.
"'When you first come,' says ho,
yo think ye'll leave right away. But
they hold out your first month's pay
for your passago over, and by that
tlmo tho tropics has its grip on ye.
Yo'ro surrounded by a ragin forest
full of disreputable beastB lions and
baboons nnd nnacondas waitln to do
vour yo. Tho sun strikes yo hard, and
melts tho marrow In your bones. Yo
get similar to tho lettucc-oaters tho
poetry book speaks about. Ye forget
tho elevated slntimonts of life, such as
patriotism, rovongo, disturbances of
the peace nnd tho dnclnt love of u
clnno shirt. Yo do your work, and
yo swallow tho kerosene Ho and rub
ber plpcstems dished up to yo by tho
Dago cook for food. Ye light your
pipeful, and say to yoursllf "NIxt week
7l yf WMtW vfti
KNOCKED HIM OVER, LIKE A NINEPIN, WITH A GREEN COCOANUT
J'll break nwny," and yo go to sloop
and call ycrsllf a liar, for yo know
yo'll novor do It'
" 'Who Is this general man,' asks
I, 'that calls himself De Vega?'
" ' 'Tls tho man,' says Halloran, 'who
Is tryln' to complete tho flnlshln' of
tho railroad. 'Twas tho project of a
prlvato corporation, but it busted, and
then tho government took It up. Do
Vegy 1b a big politician, and wants to
bo prisldent. Tho people wnnt tho
railroad completed, as tlipy'ro taxed
mighty on account of It. Tho De Vegy
man is pushin' it along ns t. campaign
move
" ' 'Tls not my way,' says I, 'to mako
threats against any man, but thero's
nn account to bo settled between tho
railroad man uud Junius O'Dowd
Clnncy.
" 'Twns that wny I thought, mesllf,
at fliRt,' Halloran says, with a big
sigh, 'until I got to ho a lottuco-enter.
The fault's wld theso tropics. Thoy
rejulces a man's system. 'Tls n land,
as tho poet hnys. "Wheio It always
seems to be after dinner." 1 docs mo
work and smokes mo pipe and sleep.
Thero's llttlo qlso In life, nnywny
Yo'll got thnt way yorself, mighty
soon. Don't bo hnrborin' any slntl
mints nt nil, Clancy.
" 'I enn't holp it,' snys I, 'I'm full of
'em. I enlisted In tho revolutionary
army of this dark country In good faith
to fight for its liberty, honors nnd sil
ver candlesticks; Instead of which I
am sot to amputatln' Its Bcenery nnd
grubbln' Its roots. 'Tls tho general
mnn will have to pay for It'
"Two months I worked on that rail
road boforo I found a chanco to got
nwny. Ono day n gang of us was sont
back to tho end of tho comploted lino
to fetch somo picks that had been sont
down to Pet Darrlos to bo sharpenod.
Thoy wero brought on a handcar, and
I noticed, when wo started away, that
tho car was left thoro on tho track.
"That night, nbout twolve, I woko
up Halloran nnd told him my scheme
"'Hun away?' soys Halloran. 'Good
Lord, Clancy, do yo menn it? Why, I
ain't got tho nerve It's too chilly, and
I nln't slept enough. Run nway? I
told you, Clancy, I've oat tho lotluco,
I'vo lost my grip. 'Tls tho tropics
that's dono it 'Tls llko tho poet says:
"Forsakon aro our friends that wo
have left behind; In tho hollow lcttuco
land wo will live- and lay reclined."
You bettor go on, Clnancy. I'll stay,
I guoss. It's too early and cold nnd
I'm alcooy.'
"So I had to leave Halloran. I
dressed qulot, and slipped out-of tho
tent wo were In, When tho gunrd
camo along I knocked him ovei, llko
a nlnepln, with n grcon cocoanut t
had, and mndo for tho railroad, I got
on that handcar and mado It fly. 'Twas
yet awhllo boforo daybreak when I Baw
tho lights of Port Darrlos about a mtlo
away. I stopped the handcar thoro
and walked to tho town.
"I was wonderin' how 1 was goln to
movo nway from thorn tropics without
beln hired again. Dark bb it was, I
could sco a steamer rldln In tho har
bor, with tho smoko cmergln' from her
stacks. I turned down a llttlo grassy
ntit-uL that tun down lo the water.
On tho beach I found a llttlo brown
nlggcr-man just about to shove off In
a skiff.
"'Hold on, Sambo,' says I, 'savvy
English?'
'Heap plonty, yes,' says he. with a
pleasant grin.
"What steamer Is that?" 1 asks
him, 'and whero Is It going? And
what's tho nows, and tho good word,
and tho time of day?'
'"That steamer tho Conchlta,' said
tho brown man, affable and easy,
rollln' a cigarette. 'Him como from
New Orleans for load banana. Him got
load last night. I think him snll In
one two hour. Verreo nlco day wo
shall bo goln' have. You hear soma
talkeo 'bout big battle, maybe so? You
think catcheo General Do Vega, seuor?
Yes? Nor
'"How's that, Sambo?" says I. 'Big
battle? What battlo? Who wants
calcheo General Do Vega? I'vo boon
up, nt my gold mines In tho Interior
for a couple of months and haven't
heard any news.'
"'Oh, says tho nlggcr-man, proud to
speak tho English, 'verreo great revo
lution in Guatemala ono week ago.
Genernl Do Vega, him try be presidnt.
Him raise nrmee one live ten thou
sand mnns for fight nt tho government.
Thoso government send five forty
ono hundred thousand soldier to sup
press rovolutlon. They light big bat
tlo yesterday at Lomagrande that
about nineteen or fifty mllo In the
mountain. That government soldier
wheep General Do Vega oh, most bad.
FIvo hundred nlno hundred two
thousand of his mans Is kill. That
rovolutlon Is smnsh supprpss bust
vnry quick. General Do Vpgn, him,
r-r-run away fast on ono big mule
Yes, carrambos; Tho general, him
r-r-run away, and his armeo is kill.
Thnt government soldier, thoy try find
Gonoral De Vega verree much. Thoy
want cntcheo him for shoot. You
think thoy cutchee that general,
senor?'
" 'Saints grant it!' says I. 'Twould
bo tho judgment of Provldenco for set
tin' the warlike talent of a Clancy to
gradln" the tropics with a pick and
shovel. But, 'tls not so much a ques
tion ot Insurrections, now, mo llttlo
man, a3 'tls of tho hired-man problem.
'TJs anxious I am to resign a situation
of responsibility nnd trust with the
white wings department of your great
and degraded country. Row mo In
your little boat out to that steamer,
and I'll give ye live dollnrs sinker
pacers sinker pacers,: says I, reducln'
tho offer to tho langungo and denomi
nation of the tioplc dialects.
" 'Clnco pesos,' ropeata tho llttlo
man. 'Fivo dolleo, you give?"
"'Twas not such a bad little man.
Hu had hesitations at first, sayin' that
pusspngprs lenvln' tho country had to
have papers and passports, but at last
ho took mo out alongside the steamer.
"Day wus just broaklu' as we struck
hor, and there wasn't a soul to bo soon
on board. Tho water wus very still,
nnd tho nlggor-rann gnvo mo n lift
from tho boat, and I climbed onto tho
steamer whero her side was sliced to
tho deck for londlng fruit Tho hatches
was open, nud I looked down and saw
tho cargo of bananas that filled tho
hold to within six feet of tho top. I
hinks to myself, 'Clnncy, you bettor
go as a stowaway. It's safer. Tho
stoamor men might hand you back to
tho employment bureau. Tho tropics
'11 get you, Clancy, If you don't watch
out'
"So I jumps down ensy among tho
bnnanns, and digs out n holo to hldo
in, among tho bunches. In an hour or
so I could hear tho engines goln', and
feel tho steamer rockjn', nnd I know
wo wero off to sea. Thoy left tho
hatchos open for ventilation, and pret
ty soon it was light enough in tho hold
to sco fairly well. I got to foelln' a
bit hungry, nnd thought I'd hnvo a
light, fruit lunch, by wny of refresh
ment. I creopod out of tho holo I'd
mndo and stood up straight. Just then
I saw another man crawl up about ten
feet away and reach out and skin a
baunnn und stuff It Into his mouth.
'Twas a dirty man, black-faced and
ragged and disgraceful ot asport. Yes,
tho nnan was a ringer for tho pictures
of thto fat Weary Willie in tho funny
papers. I looked again, nud saw it
was my general man Do Vega, tho
great revolutionist, mule-rider and
plck-ax Importer. When ho saw mo
tho gonoral hesitated with his mouth
filled with banana and his oyes tho
slzo of cocoanuts.
"'Hlstt' I says. 'Not a word, or
they'll put us off and mako us walk.
"Vcov la Liberty-' " I adds, copperln
tho sentiment by shovln' n bnnann Into
the source of It. I was certain tho
general wouldn't recognlzo mo. Tho
nofnrlous work of tho tropics had left
mo lookln' different Thero wns half
an Inch of roan whiskers coverin' my
faco, and my costumo was a pair of
blue overalls and a red shirt.
" 'How you como in tho ship, sonor?'
asked the genernl as soon as ho could
Bpcak.
" 'By tho back door whist!' says I.
"Twas a glorious blow for liberty we
struck,' I continues: 'but wo was over
powered by uumbers. Lot us accept
our defeat liko brave men and cat an
other bnnann.'
"'Woro you in the cause or llborty
fightfn', senor?' says tho general, shed
din' tears on tho cargo.
" "To the last,' says I. ' Twas I led
tho last desperate charge against the
minions of tho tyrant. But it mndo
them mad, and wo was forced to re
treat. 'Twas I, general, procured tho
mule upon which you escaped. Could
you glvo that ripe bunch a llttlo boost
this way, gonernl? It's a bit out of my
reach. Thanks.'
"'Suy you so, brave patriot?" said
tho general, again weopln'. 'Ah, Dios!
And I havo not of tho means to rownrd
your devotion. Barely did I my life
bring away. Carrambos! what a dov
U's animal was that mule, senor! Like
ships In ono storm was I dashed about.
The skin of myself was ripped away.
with tho thorns and vines. Upon the
bark of a hundred trees did that beast
of tho infernal bump, and cnuso out
rago to tho legs of mlno In tho night
to Port Barrios I came. I dlsposssss
myself of that mountain of raulo and
hasten along tho water shore. I Lnd
a llttlo boat to be tied. 1 launch my
self and row to the steamer. I cannot
seo nny mans on board, so I climb ono
rope which hang at the side 1 then
myself hldo In tho bananas. Surely,
I say, If tho ship captains view me,
they shall throw mc again to thoso
Guatemala. These things are not good.
Guatemala will shoot Gonoral De Vega.
Therefore I am hide and remain silent
Life Itself is glorious. Liberty, it is
pretty good; but so good ns llfo I do
not think.'
"Thnt General Do Vega was a man
inhabited by an engorgement of words
and sentences. He added to tho
monotony of tho voyage by dtvestin'
himself of conversation. He believed
I was n revolutionist of hlR own party,
there beln', as he told mo, a good
many Americans and other foreigners
In its ranks. 'Twas a braggart und a
conceited llttlo gabbler It was, though
bo considered himself a hero. 'Twas
on hlmsolf he wasted all his regrets
at the failia of his plot. Net a word
did tho llttlo balloon havo to say
about tho other mlsbehavln' Idiots that
had been shot, or run themselves to
death in his revolution.
"The second day out ho was feelln'
pretty braggy and uppish for a stowed
away conspirator that owed his exist
ence to a niulo and stolen bananas.
He was tellin' me nbout tho great rail
road ho hid been bulldln', and he ro
tates what ho calls a comic incident
about a fool Irishman ho inveigled
from New Orleans to sling a pick on
his llttlo morguo of a narrow-gauge
line. "Twas sorrowful to hear tho llt
tlo, dirty general tell tho opprobrious
story of how ho put salt upon tho tall
of that reckless and silly bird, Clancy.
Laugh, ho did, hearty nnd long. Ho
shook with laughin', tho bluck-faced
rebel and outcast, standln' neck-deep
In bananas, without friends or country.
" 'Ah, senir,' ho snickers, 'to the
death would you hnve lauglied at that
drollest Irish. I say to him: "Strong,
big mans is need very much in Guate
mala." "I will blows strike for your
down-pressed country," ho say. "That
shall you do," I tell him. Ah! it was
an Irish so comic. He see one box
break upon tho wharf that contain
for tho guard u few gun. Ho think
l';cre Is gun in all tho box. But that
Is all pickax. Yes. Ah, senor, could
you the face of that Irish havo seen
whon they set him to tho work!'
" 'Twas thus tho ex-boss of tho cm
ploynmnt bureau contributed to the
tedium of tho trip with merry jests
and anecdote. But now nnd then he
would weep upon tho bananas and
mako oration about the lost causo of
liberty and tho mule.
"'Twas a pleasant sound when the
Bteamer bumped against the pier in
New Orleans. Pretty soon wo heard
tho pat-a-pat of hundreds ot baro feet,
and the Dago gang that unloads the
fruit jumped on tho deck and down
into the hold. Mo nnd tho genernl
worked a while at passin up the
bunches, nnd thoy thought wo wero
part of the gang. After about half an
hour wo managed to slip off tho stoam
or onto the wharf.
"'Twus a Kieat honor on tho hands
of an obscure Clancy, bavin' tho en
tertainment of the representative of
a great foreign fillbusterln' power. I
first bought for tho general nnd my
self many '"- drinks and things to
eat that were not bannnns. Tho gon
oral man trotted along nt my side,
leavln' all the arrangements to me
I led him up to Lafny3tto Square, and.
bui uuu on a uencu in tno llttlo parK.
Clgarottes I had bought for him, and
ho humped himself down on tho soat
llko a llttlo, fat, contented hobo. I
look him over as ho sots thero, and
what I seo pleases mo. Brown by
nnturo and instinct, he is now brin
dled with dirt and dust. Pralso
to tho mule, his clothes Is mostly
strings and flaps. Yes, tho looks of
tho general man Is agreeable to
Clancy.
"I told him not to move from tho
bench, and then I went up to tho cor
ner of Poydras and Carondelot Along
thero Is O'Hara's beat. In flvo min
utes along comes O'Hnra, a big, flno
mnn, red-faced, with shlnfn' buttons,
swlngln' his club.
"'Is C01C workln yet, Danny?' says
I, walkln' up to him.
"'Overtime,' snys O'Hara, lookln
over mo suspicious. 'Want somo of
It?:
"Fifty-forty-six Is tho celebrated city
ordinanco authorlzin' arrest, convic
tion and Imprisonment of persons that
succeed In concoalin' their other
crimes from the police
"'Don't yo know Jimmy Clancyr
says I. 'Yo plnk-gilled monster I Be,
whon O'Hara recognized mo benonth
tho scandalous exterior bestowed upon
mo by the tropics, I backed him into
a doorway nnd told him what I want
ed, nnd why I wanted It. 'Al right,
Jimmy,' says O'Hara. 'Go back and
hold tho bench. I'll bo along in ten
minutes.'
"In that tlmo O'Hnra strolled
through Lafayette Squuro and spied
two Weary Willies dlsgracln' ono ot
tho benches. In ten minutes moro J.
Clnncy and General Do Vega, lato can
dldato for tho presidency of Guate
mala, was In tho station house. The
general is butlly frightened, and calls
upon mo to proclaim his distinguish
monts nnd rank.
" 'The man,' snys I to tho police,
'used to be a railroad man. He's on tho
bum, now. TIs a llttlo bughouso ho is,
on nccount of losin' his job.'
"'CarrambosI' says the general, flz
zln llko a llttlo soda-water fountain,
'you fought, senor, with my forces In
my native country. Why do you say
the lies? You shall say I am the Gep
ral Do Vega, ono soldier, ono cabal
lero '
" 'Rnllroador,' says I, again. 'On the
hog. No good. Been Hvln for three
days on stolen banana". Look at him.
Ain't that enough?
"Twenty-five ''illnrs or sixty days,
was what tho recorder gavo tho gen
eral. Ho didn't luivu a cent, so he
took tho time. They lot mo go, ns I
knew they would, for I had money to
show, and O'Hara knew me Sixty
days. 'Twas Just so long 1 slung a pick
for tho great country of Knm of
Guatemala."
Clancy paused. There was a look of
happy content on his deeply sunburn
ed face.
"Would you just stop around tho
corner a mlnuto with me?" he asked.
"If yo don't rcind, I'll walk with ye
there, and show yo Exhibit A. I go
around thero myself, every ten min
utes, to' look at it, and tho time's
about up now."
I walked with him to the corner ot
Ursulines nnd down tho street a little
way. A gang of men, under guard
from tho parish prison was at work
cleaning the very rubbishy street, thus
working out tho fines they wero un
able to pay otherwise
Clancy stopped mo en tho sldowalk
opposlto a little, rotund dark-featured
man of foreign nspect, who was strug
gling feverishly with a heavy iron
rake The heat was almost tropical,
and tho little man showed vast areas
of dampness through his tattered
clothes.
"Hey, monseer!" called Clancy,
sharply. The little man looked up and
scowled darkly. "Fat, strong mans,"
shouted Clancy, cheerily, "Is needed in
New Orleans. Yes. To carry on the
good work. Carrambos! Erin go
brngh!"
CUPID AND JEWELRY TRADE
Very Close Connection Between the
Two Is Shown by a Little
Reflection.
Have you ever stopped to think
what would becomo of tho jewelry
business if it wasn't for its friend Cu
pid? It might also be well to stop
and think what would becomo of Cu
pid if it wasn't for its friend the jew
eler. Thero is a closer business re
lationship between theso two than
many may imagine.
A young man falls In love, proposed
and Is accepted, thanks to Cupid.
Thon thero is an engagement ring
to buy and Cupid gets moro thanks,
this time from tho jeweler. The
friends of the engaged couple hear of
tho approaching wedding and off they
go to the jeweler to buy suitable wed
ding presents. Then there are silver
and golden wedding presents to buy
also suitable gifts to provide for chris
tenings and birthdays.
Under tho circumstances it is ensy
to understand why jewelers and their
assistants aid Cupid somewhat by
never neglecting any possible oppor
tunity to introduco eligible young men
of their acquaintance to suitable young
women. The rest Is simple. Intro
ductions aro often followed by en
gagements. Tho jeweler, to whom
tho young couple feel indebted for
their new found happiness, is patron
ized when tho engagement and wed
ding rings aro bought And as wed
dings mean wedding presents thoy aro
all very good for the jewelry business.
PASSING ON THE "REMEDY"
Afflicted One, "Cured," Was Willing
Others Should Have Benefit of
His Experience.
Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler, at a
luncheon at tho Mohonk Peaco Con
gress, said with a laugh:
"Thero is a typo of man who de
clares that it will never bo possible
for mankind to get along without war.
This typo of man, whom nothing can
convince reminds mo In his blind, stu
pid obstinacy of a chap who onco
consulted a famous Philadelphia phy
slcan about his dyypepsia.
"Tho patient was very deaf. The
dialoguo between tho physician and
him ran llko this:
"'What do you usually breakfast
on?"
" 'Oh, no! At least two miles in the
morning, nnd a motor rldo after
lunch.'
"'How many hours do you sleep?'
" 'Well, doctor, I was C9 my last
birthday.'
'"Aro you married?'
" 'Thirst'
"With a gesture of Impatience th6
physician turned and wroto out a elm
pi o remedy for dyspepsia. The pa
tient, as ho departed, shouted In the
loud, harsh tones of tho very deaf:
"'Doctor, can cure deafness?'
"Tho other- shook his head In tho
negative
'"Well, said the patient, 'you've
been very kind, and therefore I'm go
ing to make you a present of this pre
scription.' Ho took a folded paper
from his pocket 'It cured mo.'"
Logical Desire.
Slio Why aro you so Insistent about
having mo put up this Jam?
Ho You ought to know, my dear,
that a jam is something of a pressing
matter.
:;
