55
Atuc
ft lIT ra W ItrJ V .
j . llli 1 1 111
if .
2?T H.E. TWINE IX$
MERICANS havo the reputation of be
ing quick wilted and shrewd. As a
matter of fact we are Barnumlzed
bluffers, far more gullible and credu
lous than any class of any nation.
Right now, In nearly every moder
ate-sized city of the United States we
are falling In line and dropping gold
Into the tills of organized fake auc
tion stores and taking In exchange
a misrepresented article. These bogus auction stores
are nioro harmful to us as a nation than all the old
time lotteries, policy games, mail-order fakes and
circus grafts, including gold bricks and shell games,
combined.
They are not honest. They play "heads we win,
tails you lose." Uncle Sam doesn't want to bring up
his boys In the business; yet he countenances it,
and over 530 of his cities
i issue licenses regularly
to the auctioneers of
these fake companies,
giving them the privi
lege of swindling the
public at a nominal fee.
Any town with over
10,000 blind, narnumlzed
YHnkeea waiting to be
buncoed Is considered a
fertile field.
From coast to coast,
mams i i
THE PROPRIETOR M W I C
' mtcAwc - ' llll L ill
' THE AUCTJOrf. jhul
Mil
$2.50
Two
from line to line, we find
In nearly every state
from one to forty cities
supporting temporary
auction swindles. Few
are permanent; it is a
mushroom business
wnien springs up over ,
night in a cheap store, leased from month to
month, and stays until trouble occurs or the field
is worked dry.
New York city alone demands to be duped
by no less than eight practically permanent com
panies of this sort, only shifting their positions to
greener fields as the crowds change.
There are three ways to tell a legitimate auc
tion. If the place Is permanent and advertises
sales on certain days, if the goods to be sold
are catalogued piece for piece, and If there are no
outside men hired to control the bidding, then
It Is certain that the sale is genuine.
The fake auction' game is played under the
pseudo patronage of reliability. The auctioneer's
license, issued by the city, Is hung conspicuously
near the door and the goods are claimed to have
been consigned from private sources or pawn- "
brokers In nearby cities. It Is misrepresentation
from the start As a matter of fact the goods
,were picked up In Job lots from novelty houses,
Jobbers, Japanese stores and regular auction sup
ply firms who handle Job lots of trashy stuff
and are to be found In all the larger cities. The
ivories they handle are made of cheap clay by
shrewd Japs who havi scraped through the shell
lot American bluff and found the flabbiness of the
flesh beneath. These antiques crumble to pieces
after six months in a heated apartment. Practi
cally all 'the goods handled in these stores are
m?.de on the same principle and bought at from
oneflfth to onc-flftteth of what they will bring at
auction.
There is nothing criminal In selling at an ex
orbitant profit If the purchaser gets the square
deal. But a fake auction company is primarily a
ring of cheats never intentionally giving anyone
a square deal.
, The proprietor is the arch roguo. His profit
depends on selling an article at anywhere from
fifty to two, three and sometimes five hundred
dollars. The auction does not pay if run for the
average buyer; it is merely a trap, a "plant," for
the occasional "good thing" who happens in and
Is quickly relieved of a large amount of money
through an elaborate system he never suspects.
It is a Joyless game, played on cut-and-drled
rules which admit of no freshness or originality.
The average cast for they are all actors and
play the same cheap show every day is made up
of one backer, or proprietor, two auctioneers, one
pretty girl cashier, and from two to ten "shilla"
(the pale-faced people with mushy morals), their
number depending on the size and situation of
the store.
The backer usually Is a shrewd and unscrupu
lous man who rents a vacant store, fills it with a
scattering of cheap, showy articles to attract at
tention and a number of large so-called "workB
of art;" and "antiques" which, on inspection,
prove to be minors. The range runs from foun
tain pens at ten cents to deceptive "ivories,"
"bronzes" and "paintings by the old masters" that
bring from fifty to two hundred and fifty dollurs,
and sometimes more, from the uninitiated.
The proprietor hires a pretty girl cashier and
counts her as an additional attraction. He gets
one or two auctioneers they usually travel In
' pairs, to relieve one another and the public and
guarantees them ten per cent, of tho sales; which
commission runs from forty to two hundred dollars
a week.
Then the dealer incorporates the butkbsno of
the whole crooked business the body of "shllls."
The word "shlll," or "shll
liver" in full, is of Inde
terminate origin. It is
synonymous with "cap
per," "booster," "ringer,"
"dummy," "stool," "stool
pigeon" and "outside
man;" all techlncal slang
titles for the shabby crea
ture, the human buzzard,
who picks up his foul Hy
ing by r as c a f 1 1 y . and
roguery in working between the public and some
swindling game: in this case, working among
thoiio who stop In at the auction and pretending
to have no connection with the sale, betraying
a score of people a day after ingratiating himself
in their good graces through cunning and craft.
Without these shllls no Bham auction can ex
ist. Of course In smaller towns only two or three,
can bo used, as strangers are more easily noticed
in such places. They are the crooks on whom
the proprietor relies to pick out unsuspecting vis
itors snnred by the bargain lure and Jockey them
Into buying misrepresented articles.
The shlll mixes with the crowd. Ills business
is to look Just like an Interested buyer and He In
wait for the fly for which the elaborate web was
spun.
This Individual, for whom the scenery Is Bet
nnd the actors dressed, is called in technical slang
"a rummy." The old three-card monte men chris
tened him "sucker."
Picture a room 40 feet long and 20 feet wide..
Double doors to the sidewalk are invitingly open;
above them hangs an enticing red flag bearing
the name of what purports to be a legitimate
auction firm; beneath that, In large letters, are
the wordB:
SALE TODAY.
Pick out any acquaintance who lives in a small
town, is fuirly prosperous, and has come to the
nearby city oflO.OOO to 30,100 population to look
around for the day, purchase a present for his
wife and some Implements for the farm.
He has read in the papers and magazines ac
counts of book, art and antique auctions and not
ed the ttugh prices brought by rarities. When he
stumbles on to the flagrant flag of the fake auc
tion house ard looks in at the window, heaped''
with a miscellany of antiques, he Is suddenly
stirred by thut perennial longing for a bargain.
He glances through the door. There Is a wor
ried auc tioneer struggling with elht dull faced
people. He Is trying franticully to sell a pair of
opera glasses.
"Genuine I.einlor, gentlemen ; concave and con
vex lentics, put up In ihls heavy morocco case,"
the uueiloneer cries, "and $2 is bid for them.
'Think of that! Not a tenth of thbir value. Why.
I don't believe you gentlemen would give
to see statue of liberty do a Salome dance9
dollars bid, oh, shlll! Two dollars!"
Jones, your out-of-town friend, Is undecided
whether to go In or not; but at that moment a
fellow near the door shakes his head to a seem
ing stranger beside him and says in a low voice;
"It's a shame. Things are going; for nothing.
Wish I had the price to buy some of that cut
glass. It'll sell for a song."
Jones overhears and is interested. He thinks
the mind of everybody In that store Is centered
on the opera glasses, going so cheap. He smiles
at their rapt attention and the auctioneer's hard
luck complaints. The smile would disappear In
stantly if he knew that he' himself was the sole
concern of the eight minds In that audience, and
the auctioneer. He would bo furious If he knew
that the whole sale of the opera glasses was a sham; that when
the auctioneer saw Jonesey looking in he immediately transmitted
this fact to the shlll nearest the door by saying, "Oh, shlll," casu
ally In his sreech. Jones had never heard the word, so naturally
he didn't select It with suspicion from the auctioneer's Jargon, and
suspected nothing when the man near the door remarked about cut
glass bargains.
As a matter of fact Jones was interested in cut glass.
His wife liked it and occasionally he invested in some. It
being the nearest he could get to diamonds.
' So he sauntered Id casually and watched with an
amused smile the frantic auctioneer trying to sell a watch.
Jones wasn't interested In watches. He had
one in nis pccKet; so nis eyes continually
roved toward th cut glass in a little Japanese
cabinet.
He didn't know it, but before he was in the
place two minutes, while the auctioneer was
trying to "feel him out" with the watch, one
of the shilla bad noticed Jones's Interest in cut
glass, and had called the auctioneer's attention
to the fact by touching the cabinet signifi
cantly. The auctioneer, o his perch above them
all, bad control of the situation. He noted
the signal from the shlll, Jotted down mentally
that Jones wanted cut glass, and knocked
down the watch he had been experimenting
with to one of the shllls for a ruinous price,
which was all helpful in showing Jones that
a shrewd man could pick up a bargain if he
laid low, attracted no attention and bided hla
time.
"Sold for six ninety. Put It with the other
goods for Mr. A. Deposit sufficient," the auc
tioneer cried to the pretty cashier.
Jones did not bid on the first piece of cut
glass. Tho auctioneer did not look toward him
once to give him a chance. The piece was
knocked down for $3.80. It was a frightful bar
gain. Jones would have given $5 for it him
self. But the auctioneer paused abruptly to the
next article.
Jones pressed forward this time as a gor
geous punch bowl was put up. He heard vari
ous exclamations around him, all tending to
give him confidence in the fact that things
were going dirt cheap. Two ladles beside him com
miserated because they wouldn't have enough
"Gentlemen and ladies," the auctioneer went on
solemnly, "If I had this article in Chicago or New
York It would bring one hundred dollars, one hun
dred dollars. You couldn't duplicate It at retail
for less than two hundred. It Is the finest piece of
art glass ever shown In your city."
"Can I get one hundred dollars? Ninety? Eighty?
Seventy-five dollars? Can I get sixty? Fifty? Give
me forty; thirty-line; thirty!"
"Fifteen dollars!" came a halting voice from
beside Jones.
Jones was interested. He sensed a bargain.
Had ho known that when the auctioneer said
"thirty-line" it was a signal to the shlll beside
Jones to bid $30 with a line through it, or fifteen
actual dollars, ho would not have been so enthu
siastic. "Sixteen!" "Seventeen!" "Half!" "Eighteen!"
Btaccato offers punctuated the atmosphere after the
auctioneer's encouragement.
The little man beside Jones Bhook his head
sadly.
"Gee, it's gone beyond me," he sighed, turning
to Jones; it'll go dirt cheap, too. If you could buy
that for $50 lt'd be a bargain, Bure enough."
"Twenty-eight is the last bid," walled the auc
tloneer. "Why, you could take it out and pawn
it for more than that."
Jones thrilled as the auctioneer turned to look
squarely at him.
"You'd give thirty, wouldn't you?" he cried.
Jones gulped and nodded.
The auctioneer skilfully led up to the grand
landing by taking offers of "thirty-six" and "thirty
seven" from members of his troupe. He had felt
out hla man curefully and knew that $40 would be
Jones's limit.
"Will you give me forty?" he said Simply, In a
level tone, leaning far over the showcase. '
Jones hesitated, gulped, and then nodded his
head abruptly.
Jones was pleased with his YmifHlns until he
got home and bis wife told him be could get the
same punch bowl for $lo anywhere and that the
other Btuff was worthless.
How Thackeray Left America
Homesickness Caused Him to Sail
Suddenly Without Word to
Friends Who Were Planning
Big Dinner for Him.
When William Makepeace Thack
eray visited the United States for the
second and last time, in 1855. to de
liver his lecture entitled "The Four
Oeorgea." the two Americans who
were closest to him during his stay
were Parke Godwin, publicist and son-in-law
of William Cullen Bryant, and
George William Curtis.
"The InMmacy which we enjoyed
with Thackeray was due to the fact
that be made his headquarters while
In this country at the old Putnam's
Magazine olllce, with which both Mr.
Curtis and myself were connected,"
explained Mr. Godwin a few years be
fore his death. "Sometimes Curtis
and myself were enthusiastically
agreed that Thackeray was the most
delightful, lovable and companionable
man we had ever met. But, probably,
Just when we had arrived at this de
cision, Thackeray would be brusque
and apparently cold toward us, and
there would be decided traces of
cynicism or contempt in his nature.
Frankly, though we tried hard, and
had rare opportunities to do so, we
never fully understood him. I think,
myself, that he was c man of moods,
or else he sometimes suffered from
ill-health,, which he bore uncomplain
ingly, although his relations with his
fellow men were affected by his phys
ical suffering.
"Thackeray, to the personal knowl
edge of Curtis and myself, did many
strange things while he was in the
country, but the most astonishing of
all his acts was the manned in which
he left America and his best friends
here. It wis particularly embarrass
ing to me; and it was an act that had
every outward aspect of cold and pur
posed discourtesy.
"After making a successful lecture
trip through the south, If I remember
correctly, Thackeray returned to New
York flushed with his success, and, in
that happy spirit, sent us word that
he would be with us for two or three
days before departing to fulfil some
lecture engagements in another sec
tion of the country. We were so re
joiced ever his success and his pres
ence in the city that we arranged for
a dinner in his honor, and Thackeray,
when he learned of our plan, was par
ticularly delighted . Nothing pleased
him more than a good dinner with
good company. He would sit the long
est at the table of any man present;
he was at his best around the festive
board.
"I was particularly active In plan
ning the dinner and extending invita
tions to it. The afternoon of the
great day I sent a message to Thack
eray's hotel to tell him that I would
meet him there at a certain hour that
evening and escort him to the feast.
Pretty soon the messenger was back
with the startling information that
Mr. Thackeray was no longer stop
ping at the hotel.
"Much perturbed, I hastily made
my way thither, and upon inquiry at
the desk, I learned to my great aston
ishment that Thackeray that very
morning had suddenly signified his in
tention of terminating his stay there,
had his luggage packed, paid his bill
and departed In a carriage. 'Gone
where?' I asked. And the proprietor
gave it as his opinion that the distin
guished novelist had sailed for Eu
rope but a few hours since.
"As quickly as I could I went to
the office of the steamship line that
ad a sailing that day. Yes, Mr.
Thackeray had arranged for accom
modations Just an hour or so before
sailing time, and bad barely caught
the steamer. No, he had not left any
message. Nor had he left at the hotel
or anywhere else any message for ne
or any one else interested in honoring
him at the dinner. He had departed
for Europe unceremoniously, and, ap
parently. In a most discourteous man
ner, I
"Of course the dinner, minus tne
guest of honor, was a flat failure. At
It, and for some time after, Curtis and
I were asked to explain Thackeray's
curious conduct. We didn't even try
to offer an explanation to us his con
duct wai inexplicable. But weeks later
T made some inquiries and was told
that Thackeray, the morning of the
festive day, was overwhelmed all of a
sudden with a feeling of homesick
ness, and learning that a steamship
was to sail that day, decided on the
Instant to take passage by it to Eng
land. Perhaps that was the true
cause of his departure. But If It was
it showed him to be a man of whims
and moods, and that may explain
much that so many persons regarded
as mysterious or eccentric about
him."
(Copyright, 1M0, by E. J. Edwards. All
Rights Reserved.)
Human Postoffice Rewarded
How Boy Who Acted as Cupid's Mes
senger for Thurlow Weed Bepame
Treasurer of the United
States.
Thurlow Weed must have been
about eighty years of age when I said
to him one day:
"An old friend of yours, Mr. Weed,
told me yesterday to ask you about
the "delightful surprise you gave Mrs.
Weed when you took her with you to
Washington during Lincoln's first ad
ministration." "Ah," he said, "it was a surprise
and a delight for Mrs. Weed, and it Is
one of the sweetest memories of my
married life. I will tell you about it.
,rWben I was a Journeyman printer
for, you know, that was my trade I
came to be employed by a man in a
little village near Herkimer, N. Y. Of
course I was only a hired man in
reality not much more than a printer's
devil, because all the odd Jobs of the
shop fell to mei the only employe and
so I was not of much consequence so-
Douglas and the Clambake
Little Giant Mightily Pleased the Peo
ple of Norwich,. Conn.,- by His
Tribute to the Native
Institution.
MONUMENT TO A GOOD LIVER
Bolleyt France, to Honor the Mem
cry of Brlllat-Savarin, Noted
Gourmand.
fetlley, Httle town in the southeast
tt France. Is about o raise a
monument to the glory of one of its
sons, Hrlllat-Savarln. The author of
"Hie PLysidogy of Taste" was the ab
solute realization of the typical good
liver. The revolution confiscated his
property k ( removed hlru from bis
office as civil Judge. He fled to Switz
erland and theu to the United States,
where he played a fiddle In a New
York theater to gain a living.
His property was afterward returned
to him and he was made a counsellor
of the Supreme court, an office he
clung to successfully through changes
of empire and kingdom. His "Physi
ology of T,aste" shared tho fate of
many celebrated books. It was re
fused by several publishers and event
ually was published at the author's
expense, but without his name ut-
tached to it, as be considered the na
ture of the work Incompatible with his
Judicial functions.
It was Urlllat Savarln who declared
that "the discovery of a new food
does more for the happiness of the
human race than the discovery of a
star."
Some of the. axioms from his book
are:
"The man who can cook Is made,
the man who can roast is born."
"To invite anybody to oue's house is
to undertake the responsibility of bis
well being during the whole time hi
Is oue'b guest."
"Animals feed; man eats; the mar
of sense alone knows how to eat."
"The destiny of nations depend!
upon how they are fed."
"Monsieur the Councellor," a hostesi
asked him oue day, "which do you
prefer, Burgundy or Bordeaux?"
"Madame," replied the Judicial au
thority, "that Is a lawsuit in which 1
have so much pleasure In taking th
evidence that I always postpone Judy
ment."
Stephen A. Douglas, known from one
end of the land to the other In the
days of his popularity as the "Little
Giant," was the first candidate for the
presidency to take the stump in his
own behalf. His determination to make
a personal campaign for the presi
dency was not entirely to the liking
of the conservative politicians of 1860,
but I have been told that he excused
his action by saying that Lincoln made
his campaign for the same office, es
pecially In the east, before he was
nominated, and that It was vital that
some one In authority should reply to
Lincoln in that section of the country,
there having been no opportunity for
this to be done until after the presi
dential nominations had been made.
However that may be, I know per
sonally that the "Little Giant" gladly
accepted an invitation to speak to his
countrymen at Norwich, Conn., the
home town of William A. Bucking
ham, who a little later became one of
the great war governors of the north
a town where Lincoln, In February
of the same year, made an address
which many persons said later saved
Connecticut to the Republican party
In the ensuing state election by the
narrow majority of 541.
Great preparations were made for
the Little Giant's appearance In the
old town. In deference to his wishes
for a meeting In the open the usual
type of political gathering In the west
a large common was selected for the
scene of the rally, booths were set up
to purvey lunch, consisting principally
cv oyster soup, and It was arranged
that there should be a characteristic
New England clambake at the end of
the Bpeechmaklng.
It turned out to be a gala occasion.
The farmers flocked In from miles
around to see and hear Lincoln's great
rival, and as they gazed on the little
dumpy man with the great head, the
great shock of hair and the large, cav
ernous eyes thundering forth at them
from the speakers' stand, many were
the comparisons they drew between
him and the tall, gaunt, loose-Jointed
rail-splitter most of them had seen and
heard speak in the same town a few
months earlier. .
Yet for all the dlmlnutlveness of
stature, Douglas held the close atten
tion of the great gathering throughout
his entire speech. My boyhood recol
lection of that speech is that It was a
superb political and oratorical effort,
but the impression that it made on me
was slight compared with the effect
caused by the impromptu postscript to
the speech Itself. His peroration de
livered with all that power of oratory
which he possessed to a superlative
degree, Douglas paused for a moment
and smiled expectantly Into the sea of
upturned faces before him.
"And now that I have had the priv
ilege of addressing my fellow-cltlzens
of this historic town," he continued, "I
shall take advantage of the invitation
given to me to participate for the first
time in my life in a genuine New Eng
land clambake. Its aroma first reached
me while I was in the midst of my
speech. It has lingered In my nostrils
ever since. It has tantalized me great
ly. It Is very inviting. And, with your
permission, I will now step down from
this platform and proceed to revel to
my heart's content in your famous
feast."
A mighty shout greeted this unex
pected tribute to a much-loved native
Institution. Then they took the Little
Giant to a place which had been pre
pared for him and feasted him. And
when he had had a surfeit he sighed
contentedly, beamed upon the gentle
men gathered about blm In the tent
(my father was of the number) and
said: "Now, gentlemen, I shall go on
my way rejoicing."
(Copyright. 1!U0, by E. J. Edwards. All
Right! Reserved.)
Lord Clanricarde's Plaque
This Examp'e of Goldsmith's Art Is
One of the Greatest In
the World.
One of the greatest Clnquescento
Jewels in the world Is the Clanrlcarde
plaque, owned by Lord Clanrlcarde,
who Is known as the Hermit Poer,
and who claims direct descent from
the kings of Connaught. He guards
with Jealous care this precious ex
ample of the goldsmith's art, keeping
It safe from possible thieves and the
common gaze in a bank vault, to
which he goes occasionally with great
secrecy to feast his eyes upon its
magnificence. Some years ago, by
royal request, he lent it to an art
exhibition in London, where It was
admired and coveted by some of the
greatest connoisseurs of Europe.
The huge disk Is as delicately
wrought as a spider's wefc, and rep
resents the figure of Hercules wield
ing a diamond sword. The sword
blade Is composed of a mass of per
fectly matched steel-white stones, and
a superb blue diamond scintillates
from the hilt. The present owner in
herited It from his mother, who was
a Miss Canning before her marriage
to the Irish lord, and. the plaque Is
practically priceless. Aside from Its
value to collectors, and Its worth as
a specimen of rare and exquisite art
it Is lncrusted with a fortune In Jewels.
Clever Method of Bribing.
One of the cleverest bits of elec
tioneering dodgery was devised by
an agent who had been forbidden
to corrupt the electors. He called
a meeting and attended with his
pockets full of gold. "I have to in
form you, gentlemen," he began,
"that there is tq be no bribery on
our side during this election.
(Hear, hear!) For my part. I do
not Intend to give away a penny
piece (Uneasy silence.) But I
clally in the village. Nevertheless I
had not been there long before I was
greatly attracted by a young woman
upon whom I cast sheep's eyes at
every opportunity. I soon had reason
to suspect that she was not displeased
by my attentions, but after a while,
when we had become so well acquaint
ed that It was plain F purposed keep
ing'company with her, there were par
ental objections, and I was practical
ly forbidden the house.
"But, the saying Is, you know, "Love
will find a way.' In that village there
lived a barefooted, freckle-faced, tow
headed boy of Dutch descent But he
was as bright as a new dollar. One
day I met him In the street
" 'Frank,' I said to him, 'do you sup
pose you could carry a note for me to
a certain young lady so secretly that
nobody but she would know it?"
" 1 guess I could,' he replied. .
'"Well," do you suppose you could
bring a note from her Just as secretly?'
" 'You try me and see,' the boy said.
"So I wrote a little note, discreetly
worded, and delivered it to this Cupid's
postmaster. A day later he came to
me with a note which had been en
trusted to him by the young lady.
Later in the day maybe it was the
next day I answered the note and
gave my reply to the boy for delivery.
In due time be brought me another
note from the young lady; and thus
we kept up a secret correspondence,,
that lasted until I proposed, when all"
objection was removed to my paying
attention to the young lady. Not long
after that we were married.
"Well, one time when It became Im
perative for me to go to Washington
during Lincoln's administration I took
Mrs. Weed with me. 'My dear,' I said,
after we had reached there, 'I should
like to take you to the treasury de
partment. I want you to meet a gen
tleman I know there.' And a little
later we walked into the office of the
treasurer of the United States.
"I took Mrs. Weed over to a desk at
which a gentleman was sitting.
"'My dear, do you know who this
is?' I asked.
"No,' she had to confess.
" 'What, you don't know our Cupid's
postman? I exclaimed In feigned sur
prise. "Yes, there he was no longer the
barefooted, freckle-faced, tow-headed
little village boy, but a full grown,
handsome man Francis D. Spinner.
And you can imagine the surprise and
delight of Mrs. Weed when she discov
ered In the treasurer of the United
States the boy who had been the dumb
and faithful little messenger of our
courting days."
Mr. Weed might truthfully have
added that. In return for the services
Frank Spinner' gave him In his court
ing days, he took every possible op
portunity to befriend the lad as be
grew up. And It was upon Mr. Weed's
recommendation that President Lin
coln named Mr. Spinner treasurer of
the United States in 1861, a position
that he filled with great credit until
1875. when failing health caused him
to retire voluntarily. It was during his
incumbency that women were first
employed as clerks in t ie treasury de
partment to take the place or the men
who enllBted in the Union army.
(Copyright. 1910. by E. J. Edward. All
Rights Reserved.) '
am afraid there are some d d r
in .Li. u ras-
i.b .u una room, ana that nresBnt
ly they will lav m ..... . ent"
. i , laoie and
take 500 sovereigns out of my pock-
u""u lu oie. London Chron
Let He Go Hungry.
Sometimes men do things out of sel
flshnesa rather than out of kindness'
Recently a club woman told thi
story: "An old couple came In from the
country with a big basket of lunch to
see the circus.
"The lunch was heavy. The old
wife was carrying It. As they crossed
a crowded street the husband held
out his hand and said:
" 'Gimme that basket, Hannah.'
"The poor old woman surrendered
the basket with a grateful look
"'That's real kind o' ye. Joshua,'
she quavered.
"'Kind!' grunted the old man
11 w ..
uona. i nui Biearea ye d git lost'"
It takes a smooth tongue to side
track a bill collector.