a vr-JV,
Wkr He Wunted Mar.
A suburban chemist has been adver
tising hia patent Insect powder far
and wide. One day a man rushed Into
httt shop and said excitedly:
"Ulvfl me another half pound of your
ftowder, quick, please."
"Oh!" remarked the chemist, as he
proceeded to fill the order, "I'm glad
foti like the powder. Good, Isn't It?"
"Yea," replied the customer. "I
have one cockroach very HI; if I Rive
him another half pound he'll die."
todies' Home Journal.
Craving for Variety.
The Professor I want you children
to go to my lecture to night.
Robert Couldn't you whip us In
itead, Just this one, papa? Tlt-Bita.
Cruel.
Sbe You look badly this morning.
He I have a cold or something In
tiiy heed.
She It must be a cold. Harvard
Lampoon.
The Pblloaopher of I'ollr.
'Pay as you go' Is a good motto."
tays the Philosopher of Folly. "The
more you are wllllnz to div the furth-
r voil fi'A lllralv tn on" Plovolanil
. , - . - .. w.. -
leader.
A fthell Game In the Choir.
Under which hat Is the soprano?
1'naceomnllahed.
"Please give my friend a Job in
your law office."
"Is ho honest?"
"He never deceived anybody In his
life."
"What? And you expect me to take
the time to teach hint the rudiments
of the business?" Cleveland leader.
Told la Court.
Magistrate You say the prisoner
turned round and stealthily whistled.
What followed?
Intelligent Witness Please, your
worship, his dog. Sketch.
ITnneceaaarr Question.
Politician Congratulations, Sarah;
I've been elected.
Sarah (with delight) Honestly?
Politician What difference does
that make? St. Louis Times.
Speaking; Srlentlflcallr.
"Do you have well water on your
place?"
"I shouldn't say It was exactly well
water," replied the man who is ob
sessed by the germ theory, "but the
latest analysis shows that It is on the
road to recovery." Washington Star.
Juatlflrd.
"Mr. Bligglns says he is awfully
bored."
"After talking with him for live
minutes and discovering what he
thinks about," replied Miss Cayenne,
"you can't blame him." Washington
Star.
Sweet Revenge.
"I suppose you will be too rich to
take In summer boarders this year?"
"Well," answered Farmer Corntos
el. "we'll take 'em Jes' ihe same.
Mandy an' the two gals want some
body to show off their good clothes
and jewelry to." Washington Star.
A Gastronomic I-'avnrtte.
"She Is quite a popular, entertain
ing hostess, Isn't she?"
"Yes; what you might call a regu
lar dinner belle." Baltimore Ameri
can. A Doubtful Iteronimendatlon.
Purchaser Is this good, strong un
flerwear?
Clerk To be sure; I've worn it for
fears.
And That Bet Him Thinking;.
"1 always feel, after I have spent an
hour or two In your company," he
aid, "that I am a better man."
"It Is very good of you to say so,"
she replied. "Don't hesitate to come
often." Chicago Record.
l'ed to Nrnaatlona.
"Then he wasn't overwhelmed at the
light of Nagara Falls?"
"Scarcely."
"Well, it Is rather hard to Impress
a man who sees all the tO-llners in
vaudeville." Kansas City Journal.
Within One Cane.
"Hello, doctor! How are you coming
on with the payments on your sub
urban home?"
"I nni within one appendicitis of the
last one." Exchanse.
I'roni the r'ai-ulo.
"I expect a special delivery letter
this .niniuliig."
'Anything serious7"
"Oh, no. I wrote my coirej-pon donee
school requesting a half holiday to g')
to the hall game."- Kansas City .lour
riHl. The I'larr of llanut-r.
Kui -lover Yen have an excellent
rhaixe to grow up with the business,
)oiiii uian, and make fcomcthing of
yourself; It's nil up to you.
Boy I'd like d- job all right, mis
ter, but if you don't mind, I'd Just as
Ilef stay at de bottom. You see, sir,
I'm Just a little leery about bein' one
' deru fellers "higher up." Boston
Herald
The lilrl.
Mabel That story you just told is
about fifty years old.
Maude And you haven't forgotten
U Id all that time? Cleveland Leader.
Vila Futare Aaewred,
'So he never brought you candy or
"oweraT"
'AH be ever brought me was a bag
of peanuts the night he proposed."
"I suppose you rejected blm with
out a qualm V
"Not entirely. It Is something of a
jolt to have to refuse a man who la
so economical that he is just bound to
become a millionaire." Washington
Herald.
eat War.
"How do you manage to get on so
well with your wife? Don't you ever
have any differences of opinion?"
"Sure we do, but I don't let her
know It." New York Telegram.
Teehnlrallr "peaking".
"So there Is to be a divorce," said
the woman who discusses everybody.
"It seems but a little while since he
asked for her hand."
"Yes," replied the rude man. "He
got the hand all right, but it turned
out to be a misdeal." Washington
Star.
The Judge In Danger.
"Prisoner at the bar," said the
portly, pompous and florid magistrate,
"you are charged with stealing a pig,
a very serious offense In this district.
There has been a great deal of pig-
stealing, and I shall make an example
of you or none of us will be safe."
London News.
Often o.
"Is poverty a crime?"
"It carries a penalty, anyway."
"Hard labor for life, eh?" Kansas
City Journal.
Training for Football.
Church I feel some concern about
ray son.
Gotham You mean the one la col
lege? Church Yes; you see they are talk
ing of abolishing football.
Gotham Oh, Is he a football play
er? Church No, but he's studying to be
a surgeon! Yonkers Statesman.
I linen.
"You say you were awav from the
office yesterday because of Illness?"
said the stern employer.
"Yes," replied the young man, who
knew he was discovered. "Several of
the umpire's decisions made me sick."
Washington Star.
Kleree State of Affalra.
Pat and his wife were fighting when
the neighbors Interfered.
"Sure and you're a fine lot," yelled
Pat at the meddlers. "It's gettln' so
that a man can't even fight In peace
with his own wife." St. Louis Star.
To Mutt the Kaahlnn.
Asker-iHello, what you got there,
Eggei'8? A chicken coop?
Eggers Not quite. It's only a chan
tecler hat box.
A Lingering Death,
An English soldier supposed to have
been killed In India was entered on
the books of his company:
"Died on the 24th of June." etc.
A few days afterward it turned out
that he was still alive, and the honest
sergeant made the following entry:
"Died by mistake."
At length there came a letter from
the minister of war announcing the
death of the man at the hospital,
when the sergeant recorded the fact
as follows:
"Re-dled by order of the ministry."
Louisville Herald.
Sweet Peace.
"Mrs. Nagget," said the doctor,
"your husband needs a rest. He .must
go to Hastings for three months."
"Oh, splendid!" she exclaimed. "I'll
be delighted to go there."
"Very good. You go for three
months after he comes back. That will
give him six months' rest." Tlt-Blts.
The Lure.
Lady I want to put In this adver
tisement for a cook. It will go In
three lines, won't Ii?
Clerk (after counting) No, madam.
We'll have to charge you for four lines,
but you can put In four more words,
if you wish.
Lady (suddenly Inspired) Say, "Po
11 rem an stationed opposite corner."
Tit-Bits.
Cruel Comrhaek.
"I'm doing my best, to get ahead."
asserted Chollie. .
"Well, heavens knows you need one,"
assented Dollle. Toledo Blade.
l-'oollali Coined y.
Cannibal How did our chief get
that attack of hay fever?
'Nother Cannibal-rile ate a grass
widow. - Cleveland Leader.
Jolted!
"I had a client this morning." sa
the young lawyer, "who certainly d
Id
id
1
give nie a queer jolt. ou know.
was man led about a month ago
My
wife and I returned I'roni our we
dine trip yesterday, and this inornl
UK
I went to my office early to resum
business and settl.' down once nior
to Rood hard work. Even as 1 rolled
back the top of my desk this cllei
entered. lie was a man about n
own a;,'e, and lie explained his bu
ness to me abruptly 'I want you.'
h
said, to et nie u divorce us quirk
you can.'
"Yes, that's all there is to It. Do
see any point? Well, maybe not
bu
somehow 1 felt as If I had tumbled
out of an airship." New York Press
Sn Chaui-e for I'ravoeatloa.
nne winy wunK, nu-s. vviiKins threw
a flat Iron at her husband's head be
cause he accidental)- sat down on her
new hat! I couldn't do a thing llko
that!"
He No, you love me too much, don't
you?
She Yes. and besides, I bavn'l any
iw bat, Stray Storied.
The Craw aad the Owl.
Said a crow to an owl: "Well, 1 may
be obtuse,
But I never can see any real excuse
For the silly demeanor and ways of a
goose."
Said the owl: "I agree, so you are not
obtuse.
And of course we Intend not a word
of abpse.
But I've heard It declared as the only
excuse ,
The goose acts that way Just because
It's a goose."
Heart aeaae.
Once upon a time, In a rich man's
garden the trees and flowers began to
wither away. The oak, because It
could not yield any fair flowers; the
rose bush, because It could not bear
any fruit; the vine, because It had to
cling to the wall and could cast no
cool shadow.
"I am of no use In the world," said
the Oak.
"I might as well die!" cried the
Rose Bush.
What good can I do?" murmured
the Vine.
Then the man, walking sadly
h rough bis depleted garden, noticed a
little heartsease, which all the while
held up its cheerful face to the sun
The man stooped and asked: "What
makes you so bright and blooming
when all the rest are fading?"
"I thought," answered the little
flower, "you wanted me here because
It was here you planted me, and so I
thought 1 would try to be the best and
prettiest little heartsease that could
be."
The man pressed the dear little
flower to his heart.
Are you, reader, like the oak and
the rose bush and tho vine, unhappy
because you are not something else?
Or are you, like the heartsease, do
ing your best, and happy because you
are what you are?
Poor Mr. Rellorra.
"Oh. dear. It's no use trying to wear
I new spring hat! Every time I take
a step my headdress blows off. Poor
me! I'd like to bellow!"
Writing Trleka.
Can you write your name with your
(eft hand? It Is a good thing to know
how, in case you ever hurt your right
hand.
Can you write a looking-glass let
ter? That always amuses children, so
If you have a friend who Is ill send
her a looking-glass letter to cheer her
up. Practice by writing on a piece of
paper held In front of a mirror, and
soon you will find it Is quite easy to
do looking-glass writing. Looking
glass writing Is done backwards, so
that It looks all right when It Is held
to the mirror. Also see It you can
write your name backwards that Is,
begin at the last stroke and go back
to the first and aa a last trick to
write your name upside down. That
Is not at all easy, but copy your sig
nature upside down and you will be
able to do It quite well after a little
practice. After you can do all these
things learn to write a good clear
hand In the proper way. like a sensi
ble person. Chicago News.
(random's Paraaola.
"Children," said grandma one rainy
afternoon, "how would you like me to
show you how to make dolly a para-
boI? A good many years ago your
mother used to love to see me make
them, and If you will draw your little
chairs up to the table I will begin
right away.
Two dismal little faces brightened
up, and Daisy and Lucy ran for the
rhalis, and soon grandma was ready
10 begin.
On her table lay the materials a
small, flat cork about half an inch
thick, eight large pins, each of them
two inches long, some balls of gay
worsted, and a short hatpin with a
glass head. This head and the cork
she had already gilded, as It took seme
time for the gilt to dry, and she did
not wish to be hindered by waiting.
Daisy and Lucy watched with eager
eyes while grandma took up the cork
and carefully stuck the pins all round
It. at equal distances, bending them
iownward slightly. These were for the
ribs of the parasol. Then she asked
the little girls to choose each of them
a color from the pretty balls of wor
sted.
Daisy seized on a pale blue, and Lucy
a bright pink.
"Yes, those will go well together,"
laid grandma. "Now watch me closely
while I show you how to cover your
parasol."
She took the end of the blue wor
sied and tied It around one of the pins
close to the cork, and began winding
It round. At each pin tdie made a
loop, or what sailors call a half-hitch.
to steady the worsted.
The little glrU looked on In delight
while the parasol grew under grand
ma's skillful finger, and when the
blue worsted covered a little more than
half of ihe pins, she threaded a wor
sted-needle with the end of It, and fas
tened It off neatly on the under side
"Now for my pink!" died Lucy
And dear graudtua tied It to the same
pin where she had finished off the blue,
and began to wind It, the two pretty
colors making a charming contrast.
At last every hit of the pita was cor
9-
red except their heads, and after fin
ishing off tho pink as she had dona
the blue, grandma took the small hat
pin and stuck It firmly on the under
side of the cork. "This la for a han
dle." she said.
It was a lovely dolly's parasol, and
of course there had to be another just
like It, for Daisy and Lucy always
had things alike, and fleraphlna and
Aramlnta, their two dolls, were beau
tifully sheltered from the sun, an"
the admlnration of every child In the
street.
A word just here to the mammas and
aunties who may help you to make
one of these parasols some rainy day.
If you have no gilt paint handy for the
cork and the head of the hatpin, Ink,
ordinary paint or even shoe-dressing U
Just as good, only a trifle less effective.
The parasol has a better shape If the
pins are bent slightly and the worsted
held firmly. Youth's Companion.
Drawing lloom Billiard.
To enjoy this game best, go into tht
hall or longest room In the house
Sometimes the door between two small
rooms may be opened and thus glvt
plenty of space.
Divide the players. Send half t
one end, half to the other. Fasten tw
extra wide tapes near each end fot
gonls. For a ball make a large on '
of tissue paper. Place this ball In thr
middle of the room, and at a given
signal let each player, previous!)
armed with a small fan. try to blow
the ball over the opposite goal. Tht
number of goals to a game must Bt
planned beforehand, and each succest
Is scored to the winning side.
This game makes a wonderful lot
of fun and soon a gray-haired man and
woman can start as earnestly, blow
ing away to get the ball over the other
goal as the children are.
BANKING IN ENGLAND.
Method In Which llaMnea I,
Trnnaucted ly Kngllah Banka.
The following report on banks and
banking In England Is furnished by
Consul Frank W. Mahln of Not ting
hacn.
In Nottingham, a city of 260,000 pop
ulation, there are only eight separate
and distinct companies doing a gener
al banking business. Only one of these
Is a purely local company, the others
being branches of London banks. As
the local company has several branch
es scattered about the city, there Is no
lack of places where banking business
may be done. Besides, there are some
local savings institutions. Formerly
these IiOtidon branches were nearly all
local banks, but they have been grad
ually absorbed by companies In the
metropolis.
Banking conditions elsewhere In this
country are about tho same. Accord
ing to statistics going back 30 years,
there were then 336 Joint stock and
private banks In England, excluding
foreign and colonial banks, with 1,789
branches. At the end of 1908 the num
ber of banks was 84 and of branches
",072. Thirty years ago the Joint stock
banks numbered 118 and the private
banks 218. At the end of 1908 the
numbers were respectively 60 and 34,
showing the passing away of the pri
vate bank.
The general effect of the absorption
of a provincial bank by a London com
pany and Its conversion Into a branch
Is that the whole of Its funds are ad
ministered from I,ondon and a greater
proportion of Its funds than formerly
Is used In the London money market.
All Important loans by a branch. It Is
understood, must be approved by the
London bank. This, It Is believed, re
duces to a minimum speculative or per
sonal favor loans by local managers.
It seems to Insure soundness and sta
bility, for as a matter of fact bank
failures are practically unknown In
England, though this aiay be primarily
due to the generally safe banking
methods. It Is very seldom, also, that
one reads of embezzlements.
The local bank In Nottingham Issues
checks and drafts on foreign banks In
the foreign currency, but the branches
send applications for such paper to the
London offices, which write them. This
is presumably the practice generally
throughout England.
Checks are used In this country, per
haps more than In any other, though
each must bear a penny (2c) stamp.
Besides the usual custom of paying lo
cal accounts by check, It Is the com
mon practice to pay an account due In
any other part of the country by a
check on one's local bank instead ol
buying a bank draft or postal jnoney
order as, for Instance, would usually be
done In the United States.
Banking seems to be highly profit
able In England, as the reports of the
large banks show steady annual dlvi
dends of from 15 to 25 per cent. The
discount rate Is low, and Interest I
usually allowed even upon current de
posit accounts. But the banks charge
2s fid per 1100 (60c per $486.65), foi
handling checks, and this generally re
suits In more than the Interest paid
on current accounts. Such is the cus
tom In Nottingham, at least.
Ani'leut Iceland.
Iceland was founded A. D. 874 by
men from Norway. In the words ol
John Flake, "It was such a wholesale
colonization of picked men as had not
been seen since ancient Greek times
and was not to se seen (.gain until
Wlnthrop sailed Into Massachusetts
bay. It was not long before the pop
ulation of Iceland was 50,000. Their
sheep and cattle flourished, hay cropi
were heavy, a lively trade with fish,
oil, butter and skins In exchange fot
ileal and malt was kept up with
Norway, Denmark and the British
isles. Political freedom was imlm
paired, justice was fairly well admin
lstered, n ival superiority kept all foet
at a distance, and under such condl
Hons the growth nf the new com
inunity in wealth ami culture wits sur
prisingly rapid."
Taking No Chanrrx.
"Queer habit Miss I'assuy lias when
jou're talking to her "
"Why, doesn't she listen'.'" .
"O, yes, attentively; hut she keept
nodding tier head and Interject ing
'yes, yes," all the time."
"I think she has fallen Into thai
habit waiting for some man to pro
pose." Catholic Standard and Times
And sometimes a girl thinks she hai
lost her heart when it Is only her appa
tit.
THE CRASH OF WORLDS.
A eleatllle Theorr Concerning tho
Knd of Our Planet.
Credulous Individuals who are al
ways fearful that some of the ends
of the world predicted by sensational
prophets may prove to be true will
find considerable comfort In the asser
tion of Professor Lowell that there Is
good scientific evidence for the belief
that mankind will have many years'
warning of tho great catastrophe that
Is destined to put an end to all thing
on this planet.
According to Professor ljwelli
statements there Is somewhere within
the remote confines of space a great
mass of matter once a world, but
now dead that Is hurling Itself to
ward our sun. In time It Is certain
to reach the goal to which It Is tend
ing, and when the two come together
the globe on which we live Is destined
to cease to exist.
Fortunately for our peace of mind,
there la at the present moment no
such dead world within dangerous
proximity, and yet any day It may
appear. Any day the morning paper
may announce that ono of these dark
bodies has come within the reach of
the telescope that it may readily be
seen by the light of the sun reflected
upon It.
While It would then be certain thai
the end of the world was In sight,
there would still be ample time In
which to preparo for the Inevitable.
If the first view of the Intruder waf
caught at the eleventh magnitude-
it could scarcely come much neare?
without being detected It would not
be until twenty-seven years later that
it would become visible to the naked
eye, and three years more would
elapse before It appeared to us at
equal In size to a first magnitude Btar
In two years and three months morf
It would have come as near to us at
Jupiter, and by that time It would bi
far the brightest star In the sky. In
fact. Its effect upon the world would
change, and the days would grow long
er. Finally, Just 145 days later
those who were still alive would wit
ness the beginning of the end. Th
stranger would not strike the earth
but would pass so close In Its dash tc
the sun that the earth would turn and
follow until together they would dror
silently Into the sun. Brooklyn Eagle
WRECKING A ROBBER'S HAUNT.
Removing Old Inn Made Famoua by
Jack Sheppard and Alnaworth.
The historic old "Six Bells," out Wil
leaden way, the Inn referred to bj
Harrison Alnsworth as the haunt ol
Jack Sheppard, Is to be pulled down
a London correspondent of the New
York Herald says. Thus another an
cient landmark Is swept Into oblivion
by the unsentimental modern builder.
Local historians assert that Jack
Sheppard was born at Willesden, and
as the hero of Harrison Alnsworth't
novel Is largely mythical, to say that
he was born at Willesden Is probablj
Just about as true as to say he was
born anywhere else. Historians whe
do not belong to the Willesden school
say that the leal Jack Sheppard wai
born at 8tepney. That a robber of hh
accomplishments had something to dc
with Willesden at some time In hit
career Is likely enough, for Willesden
lay on a good trade route for highway
men, and the names of Wild, Dick
Turpln, Jackson and other are all con
nected with It.
Harrison Alnsworth lived at Kensel
Rise manor house, which Is near Wil
leaden. He described Willesden in the
novel as "the most charming and se
cluded village In the neighborhood ol
the metropolis, with Its scattered farm
houses, Its noble orangeries and its old
gray church tower Just peeping above
a grove of rook-haunted trees."
That was the church which Jack
Sheppard robbed afterward (according
to the "Six Bolls Inn" legend), escap
ing from his prison by picking his way
through the roof with a fork. It wat
at the "Six Bells," too, that he ordered
refreshments In handsome mannei
after his mother's funeral. Alnsworth
gives, at the end of his story, a pic
tore of Jack Sheppard's grave In Wil
lesden churchyard. In the churchyard
there are to be seen to-day man)
curious little wooden monuments ol
exactly the same shape as Ainswortb
put into that picture.
Drawing Inferrncea.
President Lincoln once told the fol
lowing story of D. II. Bates, manager
of the War Department telegraph
office:
"I'm like an old colored man I
knew. He spent so much of his time
preaching to the other slaves it kept
him and them from their labors. His
master told him he would punish him
the next time he was caught preach
ing. " 'But, marsa,' said the old man,
with tears In his eyes, 'I always has
to draw Infruencea from Bible text
when dey comes In ma hald. I jes'
caln't help It. Can you, marsa?'
"'Well,' said his master, 'I suspect
I do sometimes draw Inferences But
there Is one text I never could under
stand, and If you can draw the right
Inference from It I'll let you preach
to your heart's content.'
"'What Is de text, marsa T asked
the colored man.
The ass snuffcth up the east
wind." Now, what Inference do you
draw from that?'
" 'Well, marsa, I'se neher heard dat
text befo' nohow, but I 'spects de In
fruence am she got to snufT a long
lime befo' Bhe get fat.'" Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.
Hope Kirliigw Internal.
"Scribbles has been writing diligent
ly for years and has never had a line
of his stuff published."
"It's a wonder he doesn't heconit
disi ournKcd."
' lie would If it were not for (Iif
fact that he dreams of posthumous
fame."--Birmingham Age Herald.
The Ideal tlouae.
"My wife's found un ideal house at
last."
"Is that so? Where Is It?"
"On 14th aveuue."
"Shucks! Nothing Ideal about that
house. That's the very one my wife
wouldn't stay another month In." De
troit Free Presi.
A woman has les faith la bar Ideals
aftar Harrying one of them.
IH SMALL THINGSLIBERTY.
lallaer of TMnklii Thrre la Only
One Klght Wmy to lo Thlnga.
Mrs. Templeton, after a day'a shop
plug, hurtled Into the car Just before
the starting of the train, and sat down
with a stall of relict. Her daughter,
coming behind, remonstrated:
"O mother, the seats at the Iront
are so much better; the bald air al
ways goes to the back of the car."
"Very well, dear, I thought we were
carer our street If we left by the
rear door." After the train had start
ed, Mrs. Templeton said:
"Do you know, dear, you remind mo
of Aunt Hannah?"
"Why, mother, how can you! Aunt
Hannah, Indeed! Why, she's the most
disagreeable Don't you remember
when she visited Us? She always took
the longest rond to the postoffice, and
she wouldn't let us draw the couch in
front of the fire, and I had to run
away If I wanted to go without a
hat"
"She Is very kind-hearted; you know
when you were 111 she was very help
ful." "Yes, she was good then; but she
made me drink my beef lea without
salt and my lemonade without sugar.
There isn't the smallest thing she
doesn't have ideas about, and they are
usually so foolish. Center street Is
the rhortest way to the postoffice, and
the couch is more artistic In front of
the fire, and If everybody went with
out their I mean her hat we should
be more healthy."
"Careful, dear, careful! Yon see you
have some Ideas, too."
"But mine are not so foolish."
"Not to you, of course. But this
morning you Insisted on taking the
green car Instead of the blue one, on
our way to the dressmaker s
"But. mother. It was the better
way "
"If I remember rightly, the conduc
tor of the ereen car said It would have
been better if we had taken the blue
one. Then when we reached madam'i
you demanded that she cut off the
long leeves and make them short and
change the hooks and eyes, although
both madam and I thought"
"But, mother. It was my gown."
"Quite true, dear, but 1 fear It would
have been the same if It had been
mine. Then when we went to lunch,
you made the people at the small
table by the window most uncomfort
able by sitting there, because the air
was better there was a draft dlrectlv
on the back of mv neck. Then von
ordered salad because It was good for
us, though I never did like It Afte
lunch we walked a block to Smith'
because you heard their gloves were
better than Jones', and we had tn
to Jones, after all. And you Insisted
on my buying a greon veil Instead of
blue, though green makes me look
ghastly"
But green Is more fashionable."
'Somehow I can't heln thlnklnar of
the days when Aunt Hannah and I
were girls, and went shopping togeth
er. Perhaps If I had been more de
cided then. Aunt Hannah would be
less so now; and I certainly don't
want my dear daughter on my con
science. Really, these things are not
Important. It is a fallacy to think
that there Is only ono right way to
do a thing. In matters of principle,
of course, we must stand firm; but
to have Ideas about every little thing
and to Insist upon carrying them out
will make one as unllvable as Aunt
Hannah, who has the best heart In the
world, but who makes us all uncom
fortable from morning till night."
After a moment the daughter asked:
"Would you Mike to change your
seat?"
Mra. Templeton laughed. "Oh, no,
dear, since we get out at the next sta
tion." Youth's Companion.
True to Tradition of Sea.
"It was an Interesting experience,
but I must own to being a little shaky
about the knees when the crucial mo
ment arrived," said Mrs. Irene Buell,
In discussing her recent visit In Wash
ington, where, on April 26, she was
admitted to practice in the Supreme
Court of the United States, according
to the St. Paul Dispatch.
"Of course," she continued, "th
whole affair Is much more awe-Inspiring
than the State Supreme Court, be
cause the Judges come In dressed In
their Imposing silk gowns, having been
cried out by an impressive bailiff, whs
closes his remarks with a 'God sav
the United States.'"
Mrs. Buell spoke of the extreme for
mallty observed and said she was ask
ed to remove her hat before proceed
ing to the council table to take the
oath.
"The first thing I said when they
asked nie to do that was: 'But I don't
fee any mirror here.' It seemed tht
natural observation to make until 1
heard Senator Clapp. who was mj
sponsor, chuckle and murmur, 'Th
eternal feminine!" Then, after a tor
mal address had been made to me, 1
took oath on the same Bible that Clay
and Calhoun swore upon, that I would
defend the Constitution and conduct
myself In every wny as befitted my
office.' " '
An Idol with Diamond Kea.
It is u curious fact and one scarcely
know n outside of , Russia, and there
hardly ever mentioned, that the fa
mous Orloff diamond was once the
riKht eye of the great Idol Serringham
In tho temple of Brahma. This pre
cious gem was stolen at about the
beginning of the eighteenth century
by a French soldier who had made a
pretense of being converted to the
Hindoo religion in order to gain the
confidence of the priests and admis
sion to the temple. The Frenchman
first sold the diamond for 12,000. On
the next turn It was bought by a
banker of Constantinople for 12.000.
The ! :it V : I e;.t. It until 1774 und then
fcold it to tile Russian empress for
'.0,000 and u Ilfo pension. rf The gem
litis been In tho Russian royal family
ever since. As It is now set In the
imperial scepter of Russia It presents
a flattened, rose cut surface and
weighs exactly 194 Vi carats.
A l.oug Htorr.
"I read In your face," said the man
about to give alms, "the story of a
misspent life." '
"Not do whole story, governor. Whal
you see dero Is only da last Install
ment." Birmingham Age-Herald.
TRCMTET CALLS.
A am 'a Horn Wound n Wnrnlag et
to the I nreHeemed.
Keep a-going and
you will get sorna
where before sun
down. The ant and tho
sluggard are never
delegates to tho
same convention.
The man who la
In earnest wilt
sooner or later ho
In clover.
The devil aims his longest and big
gest guns at the home.
The clock has a long Job, but It doea
lis work ono tick at a time.
When some men go to tho bad they
do it as If they were doing It on a bet.
If some men would spend more tlmo
In the open air they would have more
hair.
The ant might learn something to
Its advantage by going to the book
agent.
Peary might put another turkey
feather In his cap by now discovering
Dr. Cook.
The man who Is always trying t
beat his own record will not let any
body else do It.
It is astonishing how much you ran
learn about human nature by charging
something at the door.
The man who might have knocked
the persimmon but didn't can be seea
on every street corner.
The most vigorous exercise soma
people take Is when they have achanca
to get something for nothing.
The young man who can do some-
hlng well, and always does It that way.
Is as certain to climb as a grapevine
Is.
HABITS OF THE NIGHTMARE.
Wild Animal That la Uaallr Caught
irltk Mlnea Pie aa Bait.
The nightmare is one of the best
known of all animals and one of tha
most feared. She la wilder, the Liter
ary Magazine says, than tha tiger and
more frightful la its speed than tha
turkey buzzard. A young nlghtmara
with no previous experience can fling'
a 200-pound roan over her flanks and
carry him all over the south sea Isl
ands and the Gobi desert In less time
that It would take him to look them
up oa the map.
The nightmare Is so called because
he is always ridden at night. She is
somewhat timid, but may be easily
caught. Mix up a little crab flake,
some mayonnaise, a dash of cham
pagne and some rich pastry and you
can catch her with it every time. Sha
will also come for mince pie, for
broiled lobster, for chicken salad and
for a variety of other temptatloas.
Strangely enough, the nightmare is no
lover of hay. Offer her breakfast food
and she will remain shyly aloof.
Once the nightmare Is caught it Is
no trouble to elude her. It la no fun
either. The nightmare usually wears
a hlg-h saddle without stirrups aad
studded with red hot nails. She rocks
like a ship In a gale aa she dasher
!rom mountain peak to mountain peak.
The rider soon loses his hold and
slides downward, only to find sharks
and cuttlefish awaiting him. Ho hangg
on to the mare's legs and Is kicked
by her hoofs. He lets go and falls
11,000 miles, catching on jagged splin
ters of rock and crashing through
acres of glass and Ice.
Occasionally the mare comes aftar
Mm and tramps on him. Sometimes
she varies this by eating his leg. When
the ride Is over the rider wakena aide
wise In bed very cross and spanks hJa
oldest child before breakfast. The last
ing effects of riding nightmares ara
always more severe upon other' mem
bers of the family than tha rider.
Tha champion nightmare la dyapep
slcuss mince plecuss, a pale green ani
mal with red hot legs, who can do tbo
circuit of the earth upside down la.
eleven seconds. Nobody likes to ride
nightmares, but everyone doea just
the same. They are not aa expenslva
as taxlcabs, but are far more exciting.
NOT ALTOGETHER BAB.
Good Thlnga About the Street Ca
That Are Worth Conalderlag.
It Is time the sleeping car woke up.
Muck rakers are upon It. They accuse
it of extortion and Inquire why tho
dickens we must pay as much to sleep
In a cofiin called a berth since oppo
eltes suggest each other as in a com
modious hotel bedroom. They think
that when a sleeping car can pick up
a profit of 500 per cent just by hump
ing around the country somebody It
being fleeced.
Still, there are many kind words
due tho sleeping car, the "Clerk" in
the Boston Evening Transcript thinks.
For one thing, it teaches us the falla
cy of the germ theory, since, if germs
were Injurious, those that teem by
millions in the stuffy curtains and de
testable cushions would have killed
us off long before this. In the next
place, the sleeping car proves tha
beneficence of carbonic acid gas. Why
do you burst with vitality after a
night on the rail? Simply becausa
you have breathed the same air 7,004
times over. Besides, think of the edu
cational advantages. Where but la
the sleeping car do we acquire tha
arts of ladder-cllnibing, of parading
half-clad and of keeping our tempera
when the train men outside wakes ua
at every stop by loud swearing? Fi
nally consider the employment af
forded to the unhappy lunatics who,
but for the occupation of Inventing
names for sleeping cars, might die of
boredom.
Well, there is some merit in tha
muckrakers' Investigations, neverthe
less, r.nd the clerk honors them for
showlns us n way to get even with
the porter. Porters, it seems, are re
quired to pay for toilet article ab
stracted from the car. Beloved, let ua
remember this. When the Ethiopian
shuts up the bunk with us inside It.
though we piteously implored him to
"put us off at Buffalo," let us not de
part empty handed. Rather let ua
take with us the soap, the towels, tha
brush and the comb. Thus shall w
render both Justice to the porter and
a service to public hygiene.
Lot'a wife may have looked back-
and then again the may hart talked
back.