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About Dakota County herald. (Dakota City, Neb.) 1891-1965 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 1, 1909)
Cannot Buy Author f "A Creokad Path." "MaM. Wlfa t Wlaaw," "Br Weman'a Wit." DmImi'i Bargain." -A Lif Inter. "Nona'i Choto," "A Waman'a Heart." I Mm. Savllle had Invited some friends who were passing through Paris to dine with hor that day, bo Hope reit bo compunction about leaving her alone, though she waa by do means anxious to accompany Miss Dacre, whose constant rnnflrfpnwa ahnnt I.iim ley made her feci uncomfortable; for curing nis visit to Dresden sue naa perceived what was the real attrac tion which brought him there, and she lad a sense of guilt towards Miss Da ere which oppressed her. "However, she will be going away soon," was her reflection as she Cress- d, always In black, but not now In sucn mourning black lace over black satin, her snowy neck and arms show ing through their transparent cover ing, ana a Jet comb shining among the abundant colls of her rich, dark-chestnut hair. "I am so glad you could come!" cried Miss Dacre, when she got Into the carriage. "I cannot go quit by myself, and there Is no one else In Paris I care to have. Do you know, my father says he thinks he saw George Lumley on the Boulevards this morning." "Indeed! Well, we have seen noth ing of him." The house was crowded with a bril liant audience. The music was light and sparkling. Many glasses were turned to the box occupied by the two distinguished-looking Englishwomen. Hope Desmond had had a budget from her faithful friend Miss Rawson that evening, and something In the con tents had sent her forth with a bright color and a smiling face. Even Miss Dacre, self absorbed as she usually was, thought, "How handsome Hope Is looking!" That young lady, who had been weeping the house with her opera glass, suddenly started, and exclaim ed, "Why. there Is George Lumley In the balcony opposltel He Is with Lord Bverton. Is It not extraordinary? as soon as r. como to Paris he appears. Stay! he sees us; they are coming over. I don't know how It Is, but I reft I should meet him hers." In a few minutes the door of the box opened to admit Lord Everton and his young nephew. "Well. Miss Dacre. this Is an unex pected pleasure," said the gallant old Peer. I met Castleton a couple of hours ago, and he told me you were coming here to-night. Then this young scapegrace called at my au quatriemo, and we agreed to look you up." "I saw Richard Savllle In town the day before yesterday." said Captain Lumley as he shook hands wrlth Miss Desmond. "He told me you were In Paris; and here I am." "It Is the best time for Paris, every thing looks so bright and gay," she re turned, with some alight embarrass ment -Rather different from Dres fl8Q "I hope there may be a change from the Dresden tone." ha 'r"ou, wiia some significance. Then he turned to Brew, miss nacre with great cordial ity, ana wnue tney talked with much animation Lord Everton addressed Miss Desmond. "Delighted to see you! So glad you have not carted my distinguished slster-ln-Jaw. You remind me of Una and the Lion, or I might say the Ti ger. The softening power you have exercised is amazing. process extended In widening circles u emorace a rew more than your fa vored self." "I wish I possessed the power you credit me with." returned Hope, smll lng, as she made room for him . wcaiuv ncr. She waa always amused with the ooyisa oia peer, who showed her a de gree or itinaiy attention which touch d her. "And how are you getting on?" he coniinuea, in a confidential tone. "I know that good fellow ftnw.nn - VUUUI- ed on you as an ally In the cause of Aiaaame a proaigai son. "I do not get on at all. I have had but one chance of nlenrtw u. - n ivi mm, and I am afraid I made little or no impression. Mrs. Savllle has been profoundly offended. Naturally, she win una it nara to rorgive." "She Is somewhat adamantine you succeed with her I shall say you are a aeucoaiy clever young woman Still, I am Inclined to back you. must tell Hugh what a first-rate art vocate he has. I had a letter from him a few days ago. His ship will be out of commission let me see, In less than live months. The present First Ijom is an old schoolfellow of mine, and he wants a lift with him. He must keep up, you know, now he la a mar rled man poor beggar! Then. In a way, I am responsible for his sins." "Oh, Indeed!" said Hope, looking at him with eager, earnest eyes. "Yes; I knew old Hilton for years, off and on. He wasn't a bad fellow at all very much in my own line; and I am not at all a bad fellow. I assure you." "I am sure you are not," returned Hope, with a caressing smile. "What a sweet bouI you are to say o!" showing all his still white teeth !n a genial laugh. "Then ho, Hugh, met the daughter an uncommon girl, I believe, sang divinely, and all that." "Did you know her too?" asked Hope. "Well, I have seen her, years aso, vhc-a sia was ia short frocks with a install. Then she was away In Eng land for some time, but Hilton did not consider It prudent to cross the Chan nel. Anyhow, Hugh Is most anxious about his precious wife, and fears she may ret iuto trouble during his ab sence. I am thinking of running down to Nice to look her up. She is there still. Isn't she?" "I think that la, Mr. Rawson thinks she has left. You had better aBk him." "I will," with some significance May I call upon her imperious High nees, do you think?" "I can hardly tell. You might leave a card. I am Inclined to think that she would be pleased by your kind ef fort to further her son's lnteret." "That is a little encouraging. Hugh has always been a favorite of mine He Is a fine fellow, and I do not think he will revenge himself on the poor gin wno is the Innocent cause of his misfortunes. Gad! a sweet charm I nz woman Is worth paying dear for!" a sentiment which seemed to touch his hearer, for she gave him a soft, lin gering, tearful glance, which, "had I been some twenty years youneer. thought the old boy, "I should have felt inclined to repay with a kiss." CHAPTER XV. miss uacre's bright beadv eve danced In her head with delight as sue chattered volubly to Lumley, woose face grew rather sulkv as ha listened, scarcely deigning to reply. Here a welcome interruption came In tbe shape of one of the EnellRh nt. taches, for whom Lumley Immediately vacated his seat; and, a3 Lord Everton wished to say a word to one of tha singers, he departed behind the scenes. and Lumley slipped Into his place. My uncle was fortunate in secur ing your devoted attention, Miss Des mond." "Yes; he always interests me." "Lucky old fellow! What have vou been doing with yourself?" continued Lumley, looking earnestly at her. You are looking pale and thin, and your eyes " Hope Interrupted him by holding un a finger. "What a rude speech!" sho exclaimed. You ought to know bv this tin that I am too deeply Interested in you to pay you compliments." "And you ought to know bv this time, Captain Lumloy, that I am an ungraterul creature and not deserving of your Interest." "Whether you deserve It or not. r can't help feeling it" Has Mr. Savllle any thoue'Ma nt coming to Paris?" I don't know. He will pay his respected mamma a visit. He Is at present deeply emraeed nnsiatin.r a desperate female antiquarian who Is collecting materials for the history of Queen Bertha, or Boadlcea. or mm. such remote potentate. Whether she will end by leading him to the hy meneal altar la uncertain; but It is quite possible." "I earnestly hope poor Mrs. Raviiio may be spared this last straw," ex claimed Hope, smiling. "I am eure I don't care. I only care for my own troubles. I have been the most miserable beggar In existence for the last four or live months, hoping and fearing, and dragged every wny. I am resolved to put an end to this In fernal uncertainty and know my fate Don't you think I am right?" "How can I tell?" Hope waa begin ning, when Miss Dacre broke In: "You will come back to sup with me. will you not, Miss Desmond? Captain Lumley and Lord Everton are coming, and Lady Dolamere, and Monsieur de la Tallle. I will send my maid home with you after." "Many thanks, Miss Dacre, I really must not" in animated argument followed; but Hope Desmond stuck to her resolution, and, declining Captain Lumley's proffered escort, drove back to Meurlce's alone. Mrs. Savllle was rather amused In Paris; she met many acquaintances who did not bore her, and she tolerat ed Captain Lumley's visits more good humoredly than formerly, chiefly be cause ha waa quiet About a week after Hope had gone to the opera with Miss Dacre, Mrs. Sa vllle had gone to drive In the Bols with an Invalid dowager duchess who was on her way to some famous health-reBort In Switzerland, and Hope, having finished her weekly let ter, went out to poBt It, proceeding af terwards to do some shopping. On her way back, near the Theatre Fran cals, Bhe met Lumley, who immediate ly turned with her. They walked rath er Bllently to the hotel, Hope tooling very anxious to get rid of him, yet somehow deterred from acting with decision, but a certain air of resolu tion, by no means usual, which per vaded his face and voice seemed to hold hor back. "Has Mrs. Savllle returned?" asked Hope of the waiter who attended their suite of rooms. "Not yet, mademoiselle," he replied. "Then " she began, holding out her hand to Lumley; but he did not take It. "If you will allow me, I will come In and wait for her," he said, with so much decision that she felt it would bo easier to let him come lu than to resist. He therefore followed her up stairs to the pleasant salon, looking out on the Tullerles gardens, where Hope took off her hat, Intending to supply him with a newspaper and leave him to his own reflections. This plan was nipped In the bud. Having walked to the window and looked out for a minute, Lumley re turned aud closed tho door. Stniiding between It and Hope, he Bald, very quietly, "This Is the first chance 1 have had of Bpeaklng to you, and I Im plore you to nar me. I insist on your "ring ma. Ton have treated me with the moot Insulting Indifferent, and obstinately refused to understand tbe feelings I have tried to show yon. Now I am determined to speak out. I am madly In love with you. I would sacrifice everything and every one for you. I am desperately In earnest Promise that you will love me, that you wJll even try to love me, and I'll 111 marry you to-morrow. No! hear me further," as Hope attempted to speak. "Just think of the different life you would lead with me. You would have society, position, freedom. We might be obliged to pinch at first, but nothing can keep the family es tates from me when my father Is gone; and I could always get money. Then compare life with a bviband who adores you, with that of a sort of upper servant to a cantankerous, dictatorial, tyrannical old woman like my aunt Savllle. You must not refuse me, Hope. I'll blow out my brains if you do." He tried to catch her hand. which she quickly snatched away, stepping back a pace or two, while ahe grew alternately pale and red under the passionate gaze of the eager young wan. "Now, you must listen to me, Cap tain Lumley. You have distressed me Infinitely. You ought to have under stood by my manner that I wished to avoid such nn explanation to save you, as well ns myself, the pain It ninst cnuse. It is lin,osslble that I could love you as you wish. And it Is well I do not; for there Is no reason why you should grieve your parents as your cousin has done his mother." 'That need not weigh with you," crifld Lumley. "I wrote to my father yesterday, and told him I should ask you, and If you accepted me, as I hoped you would, nothing should pre vent our marriage." "How insane of you!" said Hope, greatly agitated. "Why could you not see that I should never under any cir cumstances have loved you, we are so unlike in every way?" "That's no reason why we should not be perfectly happy; and see all I can give you." "All yon could give has not a feats er's weight with me. I am profound ly grieved that I could not keep you from this mortification. You will find many good and charming women, who. If you seek them, would love you well and I will even tell you that I have no heart to give. I am engaged to man I love with all my soul, and nf one can put him out of my mind." (To be continued.) WHISKERS AS A LIABILITY. Once an Aurl, Now They've Gon to Join Periwig; and Hoopaklrt. There was an age when a man could cultivate a stand of whiskers without people suspecting him of wanting tc touch off some anarchistic flreworki beneath the ship of state, the Kansal City Times says. A beard was consid ered an asset in this safety-razor erf It is treated as a liability. If it were not meant that man'l features should blossom forth in hln sute foliage, then why did Mammi Nature sow It there?" Having a large and unsophisticated confidence In Mamma Nature, men not only tolerated facial ivy but were ao cessorieB to it, coaxing it to blossonj like a Kantths wheat crop. YouthJ baptized their upper lips with fertll lzer lotions guaranteed to bring out I thirty bushel per acre crop on a hea egg that had been bald from blrtb. They harrowed their maps with brushj cs and nourished Uie Infant sprouts a though each were a gold eagle bush, Then came the terrible period whlco decided what hue the growth woul4 assume. In most cases the complexion of the crop was a bilious pink, as oj a brickbat the color of which had ru In washing. Then those with pa) tience waited for the whiskers tl ripen into a more brunette shade, and others invested In hair Inks. Onl man in the world the lion. J. Hanj Lewis, of Chicago had the courage to raise a crop of tho faded crimson whiskers, and on the strength of then Iirb risen to fame and fortune. Drug gists are still unloading the stock o( sideburn dyes left on their hand! when the beardless craze struck, is packages lettered "Easter Egg Colors" and "Potato Bug Exterminator war ranted." Barbers weren't very good with tin razor but they were all F. D. Coburni when it came to whisker agriculture) On the walls of their shops hung vivid, ly colored numbered charts depicting the latest conceits In beard pruning, And the whisker farmer ran his ey over this and took his choice. He coulij look like Buffalo Bill, Franz Joseph or Capt. John Smith. Ho called th chart style number and the barber go busy with the shearing operations, By the cut of his whiskers a man ad mitted broadly what line of business he was In. "Why, I 'vo seen the day," observed a scissors veteran who has one of tin handsomest barber poles on Walnut street, "when a Bmooth-shaven man was considered as wearing a dlsgulst and was held under mild suspicion Of courso the lawyers had to hav their Jaws and Adam's npples unham pered, but they woro their whtskeri on tho back of their heads to maki up for It. A man's countenance wai like a lawn, to be gardened and mow ered not scraped like a tennis court And that wus logical, too. Next thing you know they'll be using their safety razors c n tho tops of their heads." This barber, by the way, has a mus tache guard on his coffee cup. But those things are no more. II muy lu that the increasing use of ma chinery multiplies the danger of get ting one's whiskers caught In eo? wheels. The fact remains that whis kers have lost their slguitlcunce. Thosi extant are mere personnl characteris tics and no one can judge thereby whether the wearer Is a bank presl dent or soda-wuter salesman Whis kers that remain survive the scythi only because their owners wish to com tlnue looking like their pictures. It Depend. "How i'o you pronounce s-t I n-g-y?" the teacher asked of the young gentle man nearest the foot Of the class. And the smart boy stood up and said It depended a great deal whether the word applied to a man or a bee. London Nws. TRUMPET CALLS. Raia'a Horn Sound Warning FT to th t nredeemed. It takes more tliiin an ear for big words to make a minister of the Word. Some of the soulless ones are those who have "snng their souls away." Spiritual astig matism Is often cured by steadily looking up from bended knees. Some men would be sure of heaven If they could only die In their Sunday blacks. No wonder religion affects character so little when It Is taken as a get-heaven-cheap Rchetne. No man knows how to live so as to die right who has not learned how to die so as to live right. 11 Is better to be In the roar rank of the right army than In the band wai:on of the wrong one. Home think they have deeply relig ious natures becnus" they get so much enjoyment out of a funeral. There's a big difference 'twlxt being content with what you have and be ing satisfied with what you are. It is no use Inviting your Lord to your hoii'ie when you are shutting the door in the face of His children. The rule of Inverse proportion ap plied to the size of a woman's hat will give you the weight of her head. ; INVENTING A REAPER. Cyrus Hall MeCormlck, a Scotch irishman, ranks In history aa the man who showed how to conquer the vast prairies of the Americas West. It Is interesting to know that his father, Robert, was an inventor of no mean capacity. In his farm work shops he fashioned an Ingenious hemp brake and cleaner to be operated by horse-power. A clover-sheller and a hillside plow were also among his con tributions to rural mechanics. R. G. Thwaitea, the author of "Cyrus Hall MeCormlck and the Reaper." says that the son when but 15 years old sur passed the father in his work upon farming Implemeuts. The father's reaping machine, stand ing outside the blacksmith shop on the home farm, had been a familiar and alluring spectacle to the boy. His Imagination was early fired with a desire to conquer the great practical difficulties of mechanical reaping. When the father acknowledged himself defeated, Cyrus took up the problem on his own account. Later In that same summer of 1831, when but 22 years of age. young MeCormlck con structed a machine essentially unlike any mechanism proposed by his father or any others who had before under taken the task. He Immediately dem onstrated by practical tests that the successful type had thus been created; and he never departed from that type. In conformity wherewith all success In this art haa since proceeded. The grain supply of the world was then being gathered by hand, with no better Implement than the sickle and the cradle, when. In the harvest of 1831, young Cyrus Hall MeCormlck entered a field on Walnut Grove farm and demonstrated to hla delight ed father that he had at last estab lished the correct principle of cutting. His experimental mechanism was of the rudest sort; but finding that the plan waa satisfactory, to use his own words, "I had my machine more com pletely made, with the addition of a gathering reel, and with a better ar ranged divider, ready for trial In a neighboring field of late oats, during the same harvest, in which I then cut very successfully six or seven acres of crop." It Is recorded that Robert MeCor mlck declared to a neighbor, "The reaper is a success, and I believe that I could not have made It so; but It makes me feel proud to have a son do what I cannot." Areldeut to "Jack and Jill." Good nonsense grows out of goou aonsense. A writer in tho Chicago Tribune Imagines what a "copy-reader" In a newspaper office would do with a certain Mother Goose rhyme. The copy-reader, who had had a re porter's training, and has learned to write everything alike, sits down for a few moments and revises "Jack and .Mil" somewhat, as follows: M.'ick. used T, son of Peter .lons, 29S Spring street, and Jill, aged 15, young est daughter of Mrs. Abigail Thomp son. T.)C, Spring street. tt eleven oYloik yesterday morning walked up the bill near ihe junction of Blinker ai tine and Kordyce. place. Tor the purpose, ns .1111 afterward exiiiained, of procuring a pall of wa teralthough ihe improbability of I heir finding water at tho top of a hill naturally suggests itself. Jack, who wa.4 carrying the pall, had started on the return trip, accompa nied by the little girt, when be stum bled, as it Is supposed, over some ob stacle in his path, and fell, his head striking tho ground with great vio-l'-nc. Doctor Slack. 427 Billings cr.mt, who was summoned at once. in.idi! a hasty examination, pro iKHiiicd the lad's Injury t- be a frac ture of the anterior portion or the cra nium, and ordered his Immediate re moval to Ulcsslngton Hospital, tU3 li'.i'Ouiio avenue. And .1111. who had fallen at the same time, either through excessive fright or In consequence 0f Jiavlng stumbled over the same obstacle, but had re ceived no serious Injury, went home unassisted. Serial Mlalake. "Itiigrilns seems unpopular In hit neighborhood." "Yes," answered Miss Cayenne. "H was so anxious to make people tiki hltn that they concluded he couldn't amount to much and was trying to butt In." Washington Star. When a drunken man doesn't think he is exceptionally wise the chances are be is beyond the thinking stag Where the Panicer I.lea. "Yes, she Is quite brace enough to go up In a balloon." 'But there Is no danger In that." "What! No danger In going up In a balloon?" "No; all the danger lies In coming down." Brooklyn Eagle. Change. "You do not act toward me as you did before we were married." "Evidently we have Irnth changed." "How have I changed?" "You would have scorned to have taken money from me before we were married, but you are different now.' Houston Post. omethlna; In a ame. The Summer Boarder Clrcumstan- res! That Is certainly a queer name for a mule The Farmer Oh, I dunno. Didn't yew ever heer uv circumstances over which a fellow ain't got no control? Brooklyn Citizen. Thought lie Meant Feet. Miss Antique I've walked twenty miles since breakfast. What do you think of that? Mr. Kutting Great feat. Miss Antique Sir! Aa Advertised. H Are you the young woman to whom life would be a burden without the companionship of a man of noble character and Imposing presence? Fliegende Blatter. The Wldow'a Foresight. "What relic of your late husband do yo cherish the most?" "His shoes." "How strange! And why?" "Because I may find some one to fa', them." A Good Heaaon. "Why do you want to sit in my lap. Lleschcn; why not on the bench?" "Because, auntie, I think the bench has Just been painted!" Fliegende Blatter. A DREADED DUTY. Eoiiliera Hate the Job of (iuardluK Military l-rlaonera. The grimmest phase of the soldier boys' life Is prison duty the guard ing of military prisoners. These are divided Into two classes: First Garrison prisoners, who have received light sentences for minor breaches of discipline and will be re turned to duty In a short time. Second Military convicts, who for attempted desertion or other serious military crimes have been dishonor ably discharged by order of a court martial and have received sentences varying from a few months' to several years' confinement at hard labor, ac cording to the gravity of the offense, Into their ranks the vicious element or those who hold their oath of en listment too lightly, eventually find their way. Every morning at fatigue call the prisoners are drawn up In a long line In front of the guard house and sur rounded by a chain of sentries. The sombre prison garb of the "generals' military convicts were formerly known as 'general prisoners" Is marked with gigantic capital "P'b,' which render them conspicuous and therefore make escape more difficult. Some are evil-looking fellows with long and unsavory records. Doubtless many have "done time" more than once in civil prisons before evading the watchfulness of the recruiting of ficer aud finding their way into the army. Others are rosy-cheeked lads who In all probability have yet to see their twenty-first birthday, and in nine cases out of ten the charge against them Is desertion. Homesickness or restlessness under military restraint and discipline have led them into the rash act, the heavy penalties of which they may not have fully realized. In groups of twos and threes and guarded by sentries with loaded rifles these men perform most of the dis agreeable work and menial labor about the army post, which is highly varied in character and may consist of anything from sprinkling the flower beds on the officers' lawn to digging ditches for monster sewer pipes. Al though they generally perform their enforced tasks cheerfully, occasionally particularly disagreeable piece of work causes a miniature strike and a dozen men may "buck" that is, re fuse to work. Insurance Mtalnformation. If one U to believe all the state ments made by applicants for life In surance policies, some families have been distinguished by very curious, not to say Inexplicable, happenings. . - ?A:- 'Tm the Aame Thlna;. Merchant Here, what I advertised for Is a piano mover, and you say you re a piano finisher. Applicant Well, that's because generally nnisn mem wneu I move them. Too I'nrertnln. The traveling salesman had looked at Mrs. Dolan's third-floor back, and round It neat and attractive. "I'll take it for two months," he said, "and I always pay ns I go. I suppose that will suit you?" "It will not," said Mrs. Dolan, firm ly. "There's times I'm not In the house whin folks goes; they're liable to be called off suddint whin I'm out o the way. My boarders pays whin they come or else they don't come." Youth's Companion. So Ife'Uoea. "Do you believe tough beef is as good for a person as tender beef?" "Better. The man who eats tough beef gets both nourishment and exer cise." Houston Post. Man In Woman'a Work, Hubby And what looks more awk ward than to Fee a woman stepping off a street car? Wifey I can tell you. Hubby What? Wifey Why, a man washing dishes. Philadelphia Bulletin. The lien ii (leu of a(nrp, "I suppose you get to admire a great deal of delightful scenery while touring in your car?" "Yea, every time we have a break down." Diplomatic Mike. Hungry Hlgglns Did youse get a meal otiten dat sour face woman up dere? Mike Sure. Hungry Hlgglns How did youse do it? Mike When she opened de door I sez, ' Is your mother in. miss?" l'p-o-I)ate. Lady But poverty is no excuse for being dirty. Do you never wash your race? Tra.mp (with an Injured air) Par don me, lady, but I've adopted this 'ere dry-cleanln' process us bein' more 'ealthy an' '1-geenic. Punch. And Ilia Ovrn Shortcoming-. Judge You say your wife Is In the habit of throwing things in your face. What, for instance? Plaintiff Her former husband's vir tues, your honor. Boston Transcript. A Itevlalontat. "When you started on your political career you made numerous excellent resolutions." "Yes," answered Senator Sorghum. pensively; 'but I have tacked on a great many amendments since then." Washington Star. The British Medical Journal' selects a few of the most amusing blunders: Mother died in infancy. Father went to bed feeling well, and the next morning he woke up dead. Grandfather died suddenly at the age of 10.1. Up to this time he bid fair to reach a ripe old age. Applicant does not know anything about maternal posterity, except that they died at an advanced age. Applicant does not know cause of mother's death, but states that she fully recovered from her last Illness. Applicant has never been fatally sick. Father died suddenly; nothing seri-j ous. j Applicant's brother, who was an in fant, died when he was a mere child uranarather died from gunshot wound, caused by an arrow, shot by an Indian. Applicants rraternal parents died when he was a child. iuomer s last illness was caused from chronic rheumatism, but she was cured before death. Heally 'o Parnate at All. "It makes us tired.' wrote the editor of the Hickory Ridge Mlssourlan nru we uee some city newspaper wondering why It is that a woman al ways gets off a street car the wrong way. There ain't any mystery about it at an. Our wife explained it to us years ago, and she never rode on a street car but once in her life, when she was visiting relations In Kansas City. A woman gets off a street car backward because she naturally grabs her skirts with her left hand. That's constitutional with a woman. Then she has to grab something with her right hand to hold on to, and that's the railing at the rear end of the car so when she steps off she has to face the wrong way. You can't break women of that habit unless you make them get off on the left side of the street car, and If you did that It's Just as likely as not they'd be contrary enough to grab their skirts with their right hands. But there ain't nothing strange about the v.iy they get off now. Blamed if we rtf.n't think some times that some of the stupidest men lu tbe world are working on the big city ipers." Chicago Tribune. la tbe Munart of Lite. We all And life Is very short, but If we gie the last ten years of our lives In Bolvlng the Innumerable nroh- us that are around us. we ahull fe-el the better for It wherever we en afterward Countess of W Should It come to a vote, everv mr. rled man would cast his ballot to sup press the fashion magazines. Dead Ilroke. The Count Ah! yes, our gushed family comes of one unbroken noblemen. dlstin llne of Miss Smart I am so glad to hear It, count. Most noblemen I have met are always broken. He Waa Great. "Yes, he's a great thinker, Isn't he?" "Yes.. He thinks he knows It all." Detroit Free Press. How She S nnar. A maid was brushing her mistress' hair when she mentioned that she heard Miss Evans sing In the parlor tho night before. "And how did you like it?" asked the mistress. "Oh, nium!" exclaimed the maid, "It wuz beautiful! She sung Just as If Fhe was gargling!" Woman's Home Companion. A Loiarr, "If you were worth a million you could afford to Indulge in luxuries." 'Yep, I could afford to marry for love, then." Houston Post. Human va. Dog Nature. 'Why do you keep that dog tied? There's ho danger that he'll run away." "That's Just It. I keep him tied, in the hope that he will want to run away." There'a a Iteaaon. Binks If you ever Intend to marry pick out a woman who can swim. Jinks Why? Binks She can keep her mouth closed. Domeatlc Amenltlea. Wife What book is that? Hub "The Sorrows of Satan." Wife So nice of you, dear, to be in terested in the troubles of you? friends. Boston Transcript. She Took a Pair. "How much are these shoes?" ask ed the lady who had the reputation of being a keep shopper. "Those shoes are not for sale," re plied the salesman, who had something of a reputation, too; "we're giving them away with every pair of shoe laces at $3.50." Judge. NEW VEGETABLES. nival of the Potato Beluc Tried Out In Southern Intel. Efforts are being made to Introduce in the Southern States certain useful vegetables hitherto unknown to this country, which are known In tropical regions as the yautia, the dasheen and the taro. The last named Is already fiwnillar as an ornamental plant, under the name of caladlum or "ele phant's ear." All three are nearly re lated, and their starchy, edible roots are highly prized in warm latitudes. These roots, indeed, resemble the common potato in composition and in flavor. That of the yautia.' for ex ample, when properly cooked, is not easily distinguished from the "Irish" tuber. It is sometimes white, Bonie times red and sometimes yellow, ac cording to variety. So rich is it in starch that It yields nearly one-third of its weight In flour, and its leaves are prepared for the table after the manner of spinach. One reason why It Is deemed desir able to introduce these plants la that they flourish in land that Is too wet for ordinary crops. It has been ascer tained that they will grow well In this country as far north as the Carollnas Not only are they useful by reason of their edible qualities, but their high yield of starch affords a prospect of great usefulness for them as stock food or In the production of alcohol. The yautia seems to have been orig inally native to the West Indies. It was cultivated by the aborigines In those parts centuries before Coln.-nh. discovered America. Even to the present day its roots, which look somewhat like sweet potatoes, are raised on the Islands of that a.rehinPi. ago In great quantities, the production often reaching ten tons to the acre. Did the white potato not eilat ihv would take the place of it admirably. "peerh Before a I)realn- Cncle (ieorge-Hullo. Willie- i,OUr havlngta swim? wiine les, uncle; but I'm onlj learning, same as vou. Uncle deorgL'-- Same as me? What do you mean? Willie Why. dad was telllnir n only yesterday as how you had ar awful job to keep your head abovi water The Sketch. Literature Ihe Laat Heaort. People resort to literature exacth n proportion as they are unable ta make a living any other way. Lltera ture as a symptom of flnanciul despair has received far too little considera tion at the hands of economists. PhIL adeljihia Evening Post.