Dakota County Herald
DAKOTA CITY, NKB,
JOHN II. RKAM, . - . ftibllMhcr
TIm ll llli i . 1,1'nlW llpl ir to l
dollar coiiidcrnbie business, fio.
A 111:111 doetn't enjoy being 1oll to
w'wl hi own business, yet It In always
good mlvlif.
Helena. Mont.. In flip storm center
Just now. It has started a wild. des
ecrate crusade against the billboard
nuisance.
I'rlnec l Sagsn doubtless thinks
that Is'tng the husband of an heiress
Will prove UK easy a way if making
llt'ln? aa any. .
Things ore not aa had aa they might
be. King I'eter of Servla la behaving
- well that bla people are able to go
bout their business without making
Billeh llolse.
Ka'esciitatlve Hobson aaya the time
la coming when It will be necessary to
turn' thla country Into an armed ramp.
Mr. Hohann la one of our moat consist
ent lieaalinlata.
A musician who rewrote a aong for a
woman brought ault and the jury re
turned a verdict of $5. If the aong
waa of the "popular" variety thla ap
pears too small a fine.
Henry .Mines haa written a three-act
comedy, and we can only hope that the
Intermissions between the acta will be
long enough to give somebody Mine to
Bee through the Jokes.
"Dying la a delicious sensation," one
prominent physician la reported to have I
aid. but the general run of humanity
will continue lelng satisfied with the
Oellcloua sensation of living.
' tirand Trunk Pacific officiate have
Just selected names for 114 new towna.
Aa they are all eaay to pronounce It la
evident that the man who namea the
Bleeping can waa not on the Job.
"The vermiform appendix la the only
thing In nature, so far aa la known,
that la absolutely useless," aaya the
Lancet. Absolutely useless 1 And It haa
belied many' a surgeon out of financial
Bifflcultles.
A lecturer la telling the women that
If they think beautiful thoughts they
will become beautiful. We would like
to know how thinking beautiful
thoughts la golug to transform an ugly
nose or remove a mole.
In advising young men to "use their I
tongues" Mr. Bryan probably meuna the I
unmarried young men. After they are I
married they won't have much oppor-1
tunlty, of course unless, like Mr. Bry-1
an, they spend most of their time away I
from home.
According to the figures publlahed by
1 commercial agency, the coat of living
la less now than at any time In the pre
rloiiH three years. But whatever the
tost, life Is worth while, In spite of the
walls of the few who are shouting on I
the housetops that the times are out of
Nut.
Four hundred thousand dollars have
been appropriated by Congress as In
demnity to the Roman Catholic Church
In the Philippines for damage to
church property occupied by American
soldiers during the Filipino Insurrec
tion. In oldHlraes all Institutions took
their chances lu time of war, and none
was reimbursed by the victorious cora
batanta. We have a better Idea now
adays of those rights of property wlilch
survive all wara and changes of gov
ernment.
An American actor once apoke of
Shakespeare aa the man who had left
to posterity "the richest legacy of all
the countless dead." Although be did
Bot refer to a legacy of dollars and
rents, yet If the figures given in a
Washington paper are correct, the state
ment might be nearly true In that sense
also. A popular novel that sells half
a million copies In a few yea re la re
tarded aa a wouder, yet of Snakes-
pea re'a worka approximately three mil
lion copies are still sold every year. A
royalty of one dollar a set on his worka
and that would be small compared
ft-lth the royaltlea of a modern author
would produce an Income of three mil
lion dollars a year. And yet they say
there Is no money In literature.
, (
As the second government of occupa
tion In Cuba draws toward the close It
Is gratifying to know that leading Cu
bans arc practically of one mind con
cerning Mix value of the service which
haa Is-eu rendered by timer tier Ma-
loon. Already one of the leading par
tlea under which jail I lira I sentiment la
area Ml zed iu the Island has placed a
presidential candidate In nomlnatlou.
I'he Impending chant,'" In the govern-
Dient of tin Inland Is regarded very dif
ferent l. I nun the similar change which
took place In r.M!1.'. Cuban eagerness
for home rule Is not nearly so evident
is It was six years ago, hut thoughtless
pneervers regard uie prospects for sue-
ressful autonomous government hm be
ing much iiu.re hopeful now tint 11 limy
ere Immediately preceding Jhe or.'aul-
aatlon of the first lumic government of
the Inland.
Tui country could hardly lie expect
ed to ;i r;nl)iil.e Its legal procedure, or,
lor mat inaiier, make u i-oniorni to
that of n;..r other country. But It iiaibl
iii)hii1,v vl;li l-i,ellrt:i! results the prin-
ripl i f tlie Ccrman system iu dealing
with !eity dispute. It is perfectly
proHr that eav's involving lure
mounts nr l:iiHir!a:it 1 1 1 1-1 tn :n should
be Bii" into with cure and due ex
s-iim. But I'll' ciinvtl'ii ate rate wl!c!i
Amerl":i:s p:t,i lor Jiwib-e iu small
things li I'l-oviTbial. 'J'he lici'inaiis deal
i:ii Cii-k- Ih'it ) i ll eiiii.ie.i.ly K-ii
lible vniy. .'. n..' rl ;i toui't w!io
Irifjti.'ivd ','.y there were only f.mr law
yers Iu 11 town of U.iiMi i'op!e hi tier
many, was told th.it lliu eh 11 caHes hud
I in rclt!ccil '.'i a 111I11I11111111 because
very uca cse u.ij la be tried by
three conciliators npotnted by fas
Mayor of the city before It fouad Its
way Into the courts. If the Judgment
of the ronslllators la not accepted, the
case then go Into court, but the loser
haa to pay all the costs. Including at
torneys' fees, so that the judgment of
the conclllatora la usually accepted.
The conclllatora wclve no aalary, bat
they consider their a)(olntinent a high
honor. Only In alander caaea are they
Nrmltted to Impoae a fine, which la
pnyable to the district Inaane' asylum.
The guilty party la -required to sign a
declaration of regret and publish It In
the 0ftUI.1l organ of the district. It
would be manlfeatly impossible to
translate the detalla of thla procedure
to thl -ou:try, but the adoption of the
prltx-lile In eotne form adaptable to v
way of doing would accomplish great
good. Americana are a "lawlng" peo
ple and are naually willing to pay for
aiich Justice aa they may derive from
rushing Into court on the slightest
proTocatlon. But It happens In many
thousands of caaea that the end of
Justice are defeated by the costliness
of aecurlng It according to American
Juiiaprndence. The Intricate system of
court coata haa done much to spresd
the pessimistic Idea that Justice la only
for thoae who can afford It Anything
which will tead to disprove thla Me
la to be commended, provided it doe
not go (ontrary to the spirit of our In
stitutions. wn-
Grass wldowa are norer aa green aa
hey pretend to be.
A woman seldom langba at a ansa's
Jokea nnleea aba haa an ax to grind.
A woninn rarea not who Ketone ao
lone Bhe Is permitted to do too
talking.
The reason wldowa are ao successful
with men la they know the things not
to know about them,
i'he chief reason a girl wants to get
married la to prove to anybody who
double It that ahe can.
Tou can buy off your wife from tak
lug her $50 allowance by giving her a
50-cent bunch of flowera.
What a woman can't nnderatand la
how a man refuse to be happy over
lila ship coming In aotne day.
When a man In labeled a cynic It ta
a sign that he haa managed to elude
some woman who tried to marry him.
There's nothing makes a man feci
queerer than to have his wife describe
a play to him all wrong when be can't
correct her because he told ber he
didn't go to It the night be worked lata
at the office. New York Press.
A Ral4 Counter.
It Is not every one who proves the in.
effectualness of Insomnia cures at 1
years of age ; that la why a youngster'!
experience, aa the Lonlarllle Cojurler-
Journal records it, seems remarkable
enough to quote.
The father of the lad, who waa about
T yeara old, was a physician, and whan
the child found difficulty In getting to
Bleep, waa ready with advice.
Til tell you something that will soon
put you to sleep," he said. "Tou begin
and count slowly up to one hundrad,
and then another hundred, and so on.
and before you know it you'll be sharp
ing. Try it to-night when you go to
bed."
Everything remained quiet that wight
until the father went to retire. As be
passed the boy's bed a little twice
piped:
"Papa !' I
"Yea, my boy."
"What comes after trillions?"
But the wakeful youngster's Query
was not answered ; his father had van'
lshed Into his own bedroom.
A farmer, hunter and guide of
Moose River plantation, In northern
Maine, has a wonderful pair of mit
tens. II aaya that there are uo ot fa
era like them In the world. More
than that, he haa not been able to
find any one who could guess from
what they were made.
Last spring some wild animal made
havoc with Mr. Panda' sheep. lie set
a trap and caught a yearllug bear,
whose fur was Just starting out after
being shed, and had reached a fuzzy
state, almost like wool.
The pelt waa worthless aa fur. The
mother of the hunter, now past 70,
but a remarkably smart old lady, re
membered that when she was a slip of
a girl her mother once made a pair
of mittens from bear's ur. It bad
Is-eu many yeara alnce she had card-
I ml and spun, but ahe told her aon to
shuve the bear's pelt while she got
out her ld-fushloned hand cards. 8he
had no trouble In combing the tine fur
Into "rolls." Then out came the spln-iilng-wheel,
Idle for years. A new
baud and some tallow put It In run
ning order, and the childreu for miles
around came to see the old lady take
the soft rolls of fuzzy fur and apiu It
Into yarn.
The old lady thought that a little
wool f ould Ik; needed to give the yarn
ImkIv. but such waa not the case. The
bear's spring coat made excellent
yarn. From this the old lady knit
sonic, shapely and good looking mit
tens, of which her son Is justly proud.
They are warm and soft, ahed water,
and bid fair to wear longer than wool.
A lumberman offered the'owner of
the mittens ten dollars for them, but
he refused to take It.
When any oiie feels gisid, It is not
because he lias good luck, or takes
medicine, but because he is young.
'J'he M-ople wim go to lite poatofflce
oftenest, arc those who do not get
iut&ra than oae letter a year.
mrmorid
(,nHlnra.
Tlmt Mhleb Is Uirn of tiod overcom
eth the world.-Rev. C. I. Case, Bi
t st, Brooklyn.
Married Mle.
Mnrrl'-d life is wbut married tiple
make It. -Hev. lr. Page. Congrcga I loy
alist. Boston.
food's Para-oae.
;m1 wants us to be busy and In the
world but not of the world. Rev. lieu
ly Hepburn. Preshyterlnn.' Aurora,
forever Saved.
There is no truth more secure than
that when wo ure saved forever. Hev.
Itowley (irecii. Baptist. Providence,
will.
The exercise of will lies at thl
threshold of every Important achievement.-Iter.
Charles W. Blodgett,
Methodist. Pittsburg.
The Smile of Forlane.
If wealth Is the gift of fortune then
the smile of fortune often makes a man
unfortunate Rev. William K. BiKr
wolf. Kvangellst. North Camden.
1'ovrrlr and Wealth.
There Is a ccciiilng wealth beneath
willed lies rent sverty. and there Is
a seeming poverty beneath which lies
real wealth. Rev. .1. I Blancbiird.
Congregational 1st. Denver.
Klrrnal Life.
Internal life Is not oily the life
that has no enilinif. It Is more.
It bus no dimension, no meas
urement. It Is as broad as It is long.
Rev. (I. Campbell Morgau, Kvangellat
at Atlanta.
The I.ahor Maeslloa,
After all. the whole labor que
tlon la to give every one the
square deal. And to do that it
seems to me that it Is nocehry to get
at the other fellow's. vlowpolnt.-Rev.
Charles Ktely.le, Presbyterian, New
York City.
The human spirit must have room
to expand. It must work with
fnedoin, If It would work with
ower. The right to liberty of utler
hiiit and action Is of urgent and vital
Importance. Hev. William II. Bnh-eo:-k,
Reformed Church, llayonne. X. .1.
A lleHnlte I'lnn.
No great building could be sueecMH
fully completed without the ile!i
liltc plan adhered to every step
if the way. The vast uncial struc
ture must follow (lie plans and pnr
(miscs of the great Architect, or there
will be disaster. Rev. C. C. Pierce,
Baptist, Is Angeles.
A Primary Mevrmnlty, (
I eal tli Is n primary necessity. All
depnrturo from health Is In . n
Reuse Kin. Chastened by pain, the
soul lenrns life's deeper meaning.
but when health is lost some! h In
Is gone out of life that is necessary to
It. IIc4ilt.li brlir.rs iMnee. Itcv. K. W.
Hunt, rnltnrlim, Boston.
I'owfr.
Tilings are visible, power is in
visible; things perish. Mwer is iiu
perisuame; tilings change, but potver
never changes. The gospel is the turn
er of the Deity It Is the power of Hit"
heart ami the supreme power in mail 's
the power of mini's heart. Bishop 11.
C. Morrison. Methodist. Birmingham.
The Power that Kndurea,
mere is only one kind or power
that lasts, and that Is the power of
Clod. though n man have the
knowledge of an Aristotle, the
wealth of 11 Croesus and the pow
er of a Citesar. In Cod's awful bnl
Slices his soul would outweigh them all.
Hev. S. B. Dexter, Kplscopallan. An
roru. 111. 1
i.ellera of Introduction.
Kvery Christian is like a letter of In'
troduetloll Introducing the slulessClirlst
to the unbelieving world. But letters of
Introduction vary In their value. Soino
such letters are not worth the paper
they ure written on. Other letters of
Introduction are us good hx gold bond.
Rev. Warren (5. Partridge, Baptist,
Pittsburg.
Saeredoeaa of Murriiiifc.
Murrlngc Is not an a 1 1 lance between
a mule and a female, but ?
tweeu a man and a woman;
therefore 11 holy alliance ordained
of (iod for Hie preservation of mankind
and the proper fill III Iment of tiod'u 11
vlne plan for the salvation of Mix i liil
dren. Hev. Cornelius K. Thomas. !
man Catholic, Ball Pnorc.
Unman Wmknria,
It is time for us to w.ke
the fact that we are no
than our iod. Im! we are
Imperfect creatures of the
fallen by nature, i.ud thai it
im to
hotter
poor,
dust,
is time
for to slop misconstruing the divine
cha ruder amliplaii as against IIU crea
tures, and .to barken to I be Lord's own
word. Hev. C I'. Hussell. Congrcp:!
tlouallst. Cincinnati.
t o-Woi-Lrr.
All are called Into the Lord's vine
yard, to In- workers together with
lllm. This does 110I mean that all
are called to lie preaeheis. Aa I he
soldier serves his roueu'v b"M by la. Hi
fully discharging the. dutli s of a sol
dier. thi Christian best serves tiiul and
becomes a coworker i!ih Mini by
faithfully doing the orl pert -lining to
hl sphere of life. Hev. .1. p. Koberta,
Baptist, Providence.
III. I.lln ur.
.Middle uge is the era of peril,
because It Is the era of atarice.
The soul crusM-s the line that sep
arates yonih from n- the day Cut the
niHii begins iii ,i-i ii bout for treasure
Willi will h to Mi;:cr: his evhuuslcd
resouree ai.d take care of bis age.
lu that Icier cov'etoit ues Is lsrn. It
Is the luiiH'c II ,'cd IllSI: w lio eouiei-14
lieal, U. rr' iitblilp. I';e love wUdoiii,
tint Sundays, i vcrvrbl 11., ii i moin y.
By way of pre-emlni u T, m ddle age Is
tlte era of -rll t'li-oiivli a-. . - ,.- - iter.
D. X. Hill.i.. Coeif "e.;-ali en l.st, BriK'U-
0
THE 80HO OF THE WHO).
The wind that slugs In the chimney flue,
What does It say to roe and you?
Rich Is Its hanntlng minor key
Mooning for things that .can never be,
Or things that are lost to the day and sun.
Back In some black oblivion.
It moves on wings front the misty past,
Over Its gloom are ahadows cast.
It whistles a dirge for aiic'enf days
Solemnly tad ore the tune It plays.
Its volume rises and falls, it fills
The heart with tremors and doubts and thrills.
It rosins the Irrrsdlh rf the sea nnd earth.
But !t never harbors a hide of mirth.
O. gray old liari-er, Tn wondrous ways.
Your requiem tll of the yesterdays
But who that lives can the tale translate.
Or quote the presage of Life and Fate?
But sing away. In the chimney fine,
Of things thai, are old and thing that are nev
Till sorrow snd suffering seem sublime
To the very ends of the sands of Time!
-Joel Benton, In Kuecss Magiirlue.
JUST IN TIME
"And when am I going to see my
atepstm?"
"My dear Sarah," answered Mr.
Brown, "It haa always been my pride
and boast that I am Imbued with a
considerable amount of personal cour
age, having once chased a burglar over
three garden fences In my night at'lre
) a frosty night ; but 1 must confess
that when I thlok about luformlirg Jim
of, the faot that I have married for a
second time I quake, I issltlvely
quake."
"Well, James Brown, we've tweii mar
ried a week, and I haven't seen your
son yet, hut If you dou'f bring him
home to dinner to-nlglit ou'll discover
another kind of quake, fltid you'll think
It's an earthquake."
"Very well, my deaf; I'll coll at his
rooms on my way V business. By the
way. my brother Tom is in town, he's
staying at the Pandorn: I would like
you to look h!?n up this morning. He
leaves New Tork to'-day at twelve
o'clock on his way to South America
I will try to meet you rhcre at eleven,
but If I am late you enn send your
card up and say I'm coining."
"I will go, James; your brother Is
very rich, Isn't be?"
"Getting on for a millionaire, I be
lieve, and goodness knows what might
hnppen If you make an Impression on
him. Tom Is a good sort." "
Mrs. James Brown was a largo, fair
woman, fifty years of age and of 'con
siderable avoirdupois, and us she stood
beside the short rotundity of her newly
acquired husband she Illustrated the
contrast of the mountain and the mole
hill. . When Mr. Brown walked towards his
son's room he was very much perturb
ed in spirit. He felt tlmt lie had done
a mean action lu giving .11 in a step
mother without Informing him of liU
Intention, and even when he knocked at
Ills sou's door be had not made up lii-t
mind lww to break the news.
"Halloa, dad! 1 haven't mn-n you for
an age."
"How are you. Jim. my lsiy : hard
at work, ehV"
"Yes, dad; I've got a-watching brief
In n case coming ou at eleven o'clock.
"That's good; we er that Is. I
want you to come round to dinner to
night, Jim. I've er got a little sur
prise for you; you'll come, eh?"
"Yes, dad, of course I will."
"All right, s!ven o'clock ; I must lie
off now."
Ami, much to Jim's astonishment, his
father hacked out and made a hurried
exit.
"Poor old dad? Oot a surprise for
me, eh? Well, he doesn't know what a
Burprlae I've got for him. Halloa I who's
this, another visitor?"
lie went to the door lu response to
another summons, and found a mes
senger ou the mat.
"Letter from Mr. Thomas Brown.
random hotel. No answer."
"By George: Fncle Tom answered at
last. I wonder what be khvs?"
lie tore the missive open and peru(sl
it.
"You Young Dog I low dare you get
married without your father's knowl
edge? Be a man and tell him your
self; I'm not going to luterfeiy. 1 nut
leaving here to-day at twelve o'clock
for South Africa. If you can bring
your wife along at about eleven, ami
provided I like the looks of hev, I'li
give her a cheek for $.".tHH) as a wed
ding present. Your loving uncle, Tom
Brown."
"Confound It! what am 1 to do?
llere'a Kule down at Irvoiij with her
mother, and I'm due In court at elovi.i
o'chs-k. If I wired to Kate she eouldij t
get note lu time; Its Hii.'til now. il.l.
what a mess! A cool five tlioiis.-n.d
thrown clean away! I'ncle Tom is such
a loucuy oni rossu neii accept no
excuse, and never forgive me If I don't
go. Dh, It's maddening!"'
He strtsle up and dow n the room fn,
a few iiiIiiiiUm thinking hard; then oe
made a dash for his hat ami coat.
"By George! Nelly Sharp, she's the
one to get me out of this. I shall Just
have time to go round to her."
lie rushed out, JumjHsl Into a han
aoui, aud was driven rapidly o a block
of data and hurried up the stairs. I!ii
knock was answered by J-elly Shui-ji
tier self.
"Why, If it ain't Jim lWowu!"
"Yes, Nelly, my very own self; put
look here, old girl, I can't waste tlii.c,
I want you to do me a fa-or."
"Fire away, my boy."
"Well, It's this way, Natly; you'ro a
sharp girl."
"Sharp by name and sharp by na
ture."
na, na: mat's good yee. I see the
Lpoint; hut whst I meant wrfs, you're
a gooa actress."
"I wish my manager thought bo."
"Ob, don't frivol. The fact to, Nolly,
i got married last week."
"Oh ! Then that's the reason I haven't
seen you at my afternoon teas. Whv
didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't tell anyliody. not even my
father; It sounds silly, but I hadn't got
the pluck. However, I wrote to my
Uncle Tom a couple of days ago, and
this Is his answer."
'Good old uncle! I wish I had one
ike that. Five thousand 1 You are in
Im-:; !" v
"No. I'm not; my wife Is down at
Irmca. and I can't get her tip in time,
niiii It all depends on you whether I
get the money or not."
"On me! What have I to do with It?"
"Take my wife's place for an hour,
and go mid see Uncle Tom."
".My word, Jim Brown; but you
iren't half a caution."
"Go ou, Nelly, Just to oblige me; it'a
a quarter to eleven now you'll be Just
: time."
"But"
"And u diamond ring for your trouble
if it comes off. I must be In court in
u few minutes; here's one of my wife's
curds, and tell him that I will come
on inter; mats an rignt. uooa-Dyc,
anil many thanks."
"But, look here, wbeu was I mar
riedV" .
"Last Saturday, the 15th."
"Well, if there's any bother, I'll"
But Jim Brown was already down
the stairs, and Nelly was left to rumi
nate uiMin the new part ahe was called
tisii to play..
"1 suppose' I must oblige the poor
hoy, but It's like being called upon to
play principal lead without any re
hearsals. 1 only hope I aha'n't fluff
the rt."
Nelly r'.harp was known In the pro
fession for a kind-hearted aoul, and
many were the difficulties ahe was
culled upon to assist In unravelling, but
s she made her way towards the Pan
dor.i hotel she reflected that this was
the quaintest errand she had ever trav
elial uMiii.
Mr. Thomas Brown was reclining In
uu eay chair lu his luxurious suite of
moms, when his man Barker brought
lu a card Inscribed: "Mrs. James
Brown."
"All! so Jim's wife has turuetl up.
eh? Show her In, Barker."
The officious Barker lITiinedlately re
1 1 nil. and ushered Nelly Sharp Into
the room.
"lib, I'ncle Tom! So you have'ul
gone? I am Just in time."
".lust in time, my dear. And so you
are the lady that young rascal married
on the ipliet. eh?"
"l)!i. you mustn't be hard ou Jim.
il's a real good sort ; indeed, he's the
lery best man lu the world."
"Il.ii'il on blm'.' I admire the young
dog's tasie. When were you married?"
"Ijist Saturday, the l.'iih."
"And where Is Jim uowV"
"lie had to be In the court at eleven
o'clis k. bill he hopes to come ou later."
"Well, my dear, Jim was always a
favorite of mine as a youngster, aud I
like the look of you. By the way,
what Is your name?"
"Nelly."
"Well, Nelly, I'll Just write ojt H
cheek for- What Is It. Backer?"
Barker glided Into lbs rs,ri nrd
pliu-cd a TUitlng card la n4s uuulvr'a
i band.
"DO YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THIS LADY AS YOUR WIFE?"
- 1 i ' - x
"Bless me, most extraordinary. My
dear, would yon mind stepping lato tMa
room for a minute? I won't keep you
long. ThafB right; thank you. This
Is very curious, Barker, another Mrs.
James Brown. What Is she like?"
"Large, stout party, sir; fair hair,
red face."
"how her In. Barker."
Barker Immediately acquiesced, and
returned with Jim's unknown step
mother.
"Ah, Mr. Brown, I must Introduce
myself. I was so sfratd I would miss
you. bat It seems I am Just in time."
"Just In time, madam; and and am
I to understand that you are the the
party Jim has married?"
"Of course I am, only he hsd a silly
Idea In his head to keep our marriage
a secret."
"Urn ah yes; I can quite under
stand that. And and when were you
married?"
"Laat Saturday, the 15th."
"Bless me, how extraordinary same
day, same day ! And may I inquire your
Christian name, madam?"
"My name Is Sarah."
"And where la Jim now?"
"He bad an appointment at eleven
o'clock, but lie Is coming on later to see
you before you go ; be hopes to arrive
Just In time."
"Just In time urn ; seems to be a
catch-word In this family. What's the
matter now, Barker? What's this,
what' this? Ob, thla la preposterous.
Excuse me for a minute, madam, but
would you mind stepping into this
room. This way; thank you."
Thomaa Brown conducted hla visitor
to the room where Nelly Sharp was
already waiting, and then turned to
Barker.
"Barker, am I In my right senses or
not?"
"Oh, sir, yes sir, certainly."
"And yet you tell me that there ia
a third lady calling herself Mrs. James
Brown asking to see me. What on
earth has the boy been doing? Two
wives Is bad enough; but thre he's
a regular Mormon 1 But ahow her In,
show her In; she's Just in time."
The bewildered Barker ushered In a
dainty young girl, with a bewitching
face and a charming manner.
"Ob, and you are Jim's uncle. I have
had such a race to get here before you
left. I am so glad I am Just In time."
"Just in time nm ; she's evidently
one or toe family. Ana so you are
Jim's wife; ehr
"Yes, uncle; I hope you didn't think
It very wrong of us to keep our mar
riage a secret f
un, not at an, not at ail. I can
quite understand Jim's motive. And
when were you married?"
"Last Saturday, the 15th."
"Bless ma, what a busy day! I won
der how the young dog managed It?
And what Is your Christian name?"
"Kate."
"Nelly, Sarah, Kate a fine assort-
meat And may I ask Jim's present
whereabouts?"
"I haven't seen him this morning, but
I know be bad an appointment to be In
court at 11 o'clock."
"Ah! It strikes me that he'll have
another appointment to be In court
soon."
"I shouldn't have known you were
here only I went to Jim's office and
found your letter on the table; bat I
am sura Jim will come along as soon
as he Is free.
"Then I hope hell arrive Just in
time. What Is it, Barker not anoth
er?"
Mr. Thomaa Brown looked anxiously
at the visiting card which Barker band
ed blau.
"Dm ah yes ! My dear, would you
mind atepplng Into thla room for a mo
ment? This way ; thank you. Now I've
got the three birds In one cage. Show
th scoundrel In. Barker."
Jim Brown came in panting and
breathless.
"Ah! Uncle Tom, Just In time, eh?"
"Just In time, sir. Just in time, and
It seems to me that youll be doing time
soon."
"Why, what do you mean, uncle?"
"How many wives have you got, you
young reprobate?"
"How many? Why, one, of course.
How many, do you think I've got?"
"I am afraid to guess. At present I
have only met three."
Three! What are you talking
IKJUt?"
"I don't know what they call It
trigonometry or something but It's
'gainst the law.".
"What Is?"
"Why, to have three wives three
wives, aud I've got 'em all In that
room."
"But I've only got one wife.'
"Is that so? Then I'll Introduce you
to three. Nelly !"
He opened the disir and Nelly Sharp
came out.
"Now, sir, Is this lady your wife?"
"Well er that Is yes, sir."
"1 am glad you have acknowledged
one- hat Is It now, Barker?"
"Mr. James Brown, air."
"Ah! your father; I am glad he has
come. Show him In, Barker."
Jim's father lume iuto the room with
out-stretched hands.
"Ah! Tom; Just In time."
"Yes. James; you are Just In time.
Allow me to Introduce you to one of
jour son's wives."
"What! Jim married!''
"Yes, fatlwr; I was married a week
Jago, but "
"Pardon me ont moment You bsvs
acknowledged ont wife; I will bring In
another. Kate I"
Kata ram Into the room at his call,
"Now, sir, is this your wife?"
Tea, sir, it Is ; but
Then how dare you have two wives.
and bow dare you stand there and
braaen it ont before them both?"
'What Is the matter, Jim? I don't
nnderatand all this," said Kate.
"The matter, my dear, Is that this
young scoundrel has married . tbreo
wives"
'Ob, Jim, Jim! say that It Isn't true.
Can this be the reason why you wlwbeti
to keep our marriage a secret?"
"Excuse me; I will now bring In wife
number three. Sarah!"
Mrs. Brown, senior, came Into the
room In a very Indignant manner.
"Do you acknowledge thla lady as
yonr wife?" v
"No; I do not." "
"I should think not. Indeed." snorted
Sarah Browu. "A woman at my time
of life to get married to a boy! This
gentleman is my husband."
"What! My brother James?"
"Yes, Tom; we were married secretly
a week ago, because I dldu't like to tell
Jim that I contemplated giving him it
stepmother." '
"Well, that subtracts one from th
number; but you're still got two, Jim."
"Uncle, allow me to confess, and I
will explain oil. When I got your note
this morning saying that you would
like to see my wife, and If you liked
her you would give her $5,000, Katio
waa away at Irvona. I had no time to
telegraph to her, and I did not wish to
lose your generous present, so I per
suaded my good friend, Nelly Sharp, to
pretend that she was my wife."
"Oh, Jim, then she's not your wife?"
"No, dear; aud I must ask her par
don for placing her In such an unpleas
ant position. I am sorry, Nelly; I did
Sot know my wife was in town."
"I missed you so dreadfully, I
couldn't stay away, Jim."
"Well, it appears to me that we are
clearing things up all round," said Tom
Brown, "and It's only been a misun
derstanding after all. I forgive you
your little deception, Jim, and will let
you have that check, but It seems a
stupid epidemic to strike a family, this
secret marriage business.- Give it up.
give It up, and don't do it again. By
George, it's late; I must go. Ten min
utes to get to the wharf. All of you
Jump in cabs, and come aud see me off.':
"Can we do It?'
"Yes; we'll be Just in time." Detroit
News Tribune. 1
OUR TRADE WITH THE ORIENT.
Market There for American Coutla
Japan mm a Buyer.
The. total Oriental murket for mer
chandise of a class which may be read
ily produced In the United States Is
more than $1,000,000,000 annually, and.
of this we now supply about $125,000,-
000. Of thl annual market of $1,000,
000,000 abaut $250,000,000 Is cotton
goods, for which the United States sup
plies most of the raw material ; anoth
er $100,000,000, iron and steel, of which
the United States is the world's lurgwt
producer ; $40,000,000, provisions in vari
ous forms, in the production of which
the United States also exceeds any oth
er country; about $40,000,000 mineral
oil; $25,000,000, medicines, drugs and
dyes; $20,000,000, flour, and $20.00f,(KSi,
coal, in addition to a large number of
other articles of miscellaneous charac
ter, almost exclusively, however, inan
uf natures.
While the United States supplies
about 20 pex cent of the Imports of
China, Japan and the Philippines, nnd '
Is steadily Increasing its total, It sup
plies but practically 1 per cent of the
Imports of the tropical and (subtropical
Orient and is making little, If any. In
crease. Japan occupies first place among the
Oriental countries In the percentage of
Its trade conducted with this country,
nd our exports to Japan are greater
than to any other Oriental country ex
cept China. ,
Iron and steel mauufactiires, Includ
ing machinery, are probably the most
Important group of articles found In
our exports to Japan, and their Import
ance seems likely to bicrease more raj
ldly than that of any other article or
group of articles. The principal arti
cles forming exports from the United
States to Japan are Iron and steel man
ufactures, raw cotton, kerosene oil and
flour.
While cotton has In uvany recent
yeara shown s larger total than iron
and Bteel, and while Japan will always
continue to be a large Importer of raw
cotton. It is scarcely probable that the
growth In our exports of cotton to that
country will be as rapid as that of Iron
and steel manufactures. Pacific Era.
Taeaa Theorists.'
Booker T. Washington, at the Inter
national Congress of Religious Liberty
in Boston, said somewhat impatiently
pf a new theory for the solution of the
race question:
"But it is work we want, not theories.
There are enough theorists. In all con
science, but of workers, on the other
hand, there Is always a dearth."
The eloquent colored man paused and
frowned.
"When a hear of a new theory," b
aald, "I am reminded of the two geolo
gists. At a new Hampshire autumn
resort,' -one brilliant afternoon, the
younger geologist from bis bedroom
window, aaw the older man rolling a
great rock down the aide of a moun
tain. He watches the work for nearly
three hours. The old geologist, thin
and little aud white-whiskered, had it
bard time of It to guide that rock al
most aa big aa himself. But be per
severed. He got the rock down where
be wanted It just as the dlnuer-U-ll
rang. The youuger man said to him
wonderlngly at dinner: '
"What were you doing with thai
rock this afternoon, professor'
" 'Why, the professor auawered, 'the
fact la, the darned thing was 6O0 W
too high to suit my theory.' "
The Jadge'a Advantage.
"There Is oue adrautagtf which a
Judge always has lu bis profession."
"Wbut Is thatr
"Whether he succeeds lu t given case
or not, be can always try It." Kama
City Independent.
I