Dakota County Herald
DAKOTA CITY, NEB.
JOHN 11. REAM, . - . Publisher
T1m it'ii ! i 1,1'ni'iv ii ppi)irn m tit
doing cnui.idcriihic business. to.
A iiiiiii doesn't enjoy being toll! to
Inli'd IiI a own business, .vet It in always
glNlll llllvlcC.
Helens. Mont.. In the storm center
JiiKt now. It ha started a wild, des-
ftcrnte crusade against the billboard
nuisance.
Prince ill Sagitn doubtless thinks
that being tin- husband of au heire
will prove hp easy a way of making
living' aa any. .
Thing are not a. had as they might
be. King Peter of Scrvla Is 1eliBTlng
to well that Ills icople are able to go
about their business without making
oiiii-li noise.
Keqirescnlattve Hobnon aaya the time
la coming when It will be necessary to
turn' thla country Into an armed camp.
Mr. Hohnon la one of our most consist
ent iHfwiinlsta.
A musician who rewrote a song for a
woman brought suit and the Jury re
turned a verdict of $.. If the song
waa of the "popular" variety thla ap
pears too small a flue.
Henry .1 nines haa written a three-act
comedy, and we can only hope that the
Intermlaalons between the acts will be
long enough to give somebody time to
See through the Jokes.
"Dying la a delicious sensation," one
bromlnent physician la reported to have
aid, but the general run of humanity
will continue being satisfied with the
Oellclnus sensation of living.
Grand Trunk Pacific officials have
Juat selected names for 114 new towna.
Aa they are all easy to pronounce It Is
evident that the man who names the
aleeplng cars waa not on the Job.
"The vermiform appendix la the only
thing In nature, .so far as Is known,
that la absolutely useless," says the
Lancet. Ahaolu'ely useless I And It has
helped many a surgeon out of financial
lifhVulrles.
A lecturer Is telling the women that
If they think beautiful thoughts they
will become beautiful. We would like
to know how thinking beautiful
thouglita Is going to transform an ugly
nose or remove a mole.
In udvlslng young men to "use tlwlr
tongues" Mr. Bryan probably means the
unmarried young men. After they are
married they won't have much oppor
tunity, of course unless, like Mr. Bry
an, they spend most of their time away
from home.
According to the figures published by
t commercial agency, the cost of living
Is less now than at any time In the pre-
mum three years. But whatever the experience, aa the Louisville Cojurler
tost, life la worth while, In spite of the Journal records It, seems remaikable
wnlls of the few who are shouting on
the housetops that the times are out of
Hut.
Four hundred thousand dollars have
becii4 appropriated by Congress as in
demnity to the Roman Cafiholtc Church
In tbe Philippines ' for damage to
church property occupied by American
aoldlcrs during the Filipino Insurrec
tion. In oldtlmes all institutions took
their chances In time of war, and none
was reimbursed by trie victorious com
batants. We have a better Idea now.
a - . . ... I
w .,uu vi prwjierCT wmcn I
survive all wars and changes of for-
trrnment. I
An American actor once spoke of
Shakespeare as the man who had left
to posterity "the richest legacy of all
the countless dead." Although be did
aot refer to a legacy of dollars and
cents, yet If the figures given in a
Washington paper are correct, the state
ment might be nearlytrue in that sen so
also. A popular novel that sells half
a million copies In a few yeara la re
garded aa a wonder, yet of Shakes
peare a worka approximately three mil
lion copies are atlll sold every year. A
royalty of one dollar a act on hla works
snd thut would be small compared
With the royalties of a modern author
would produce sn Income of three mil
lion dollars a year. And yet they say
there la no money In literature.
, I
Aa the second government of occupa
Bon In Cuba draws toward the close It
la gratlfylug to know that leading Ou
wins are practically of one mind eon
rernlng the value of the service whk-u
has iK-en rendered by Oovernor Ma
goon. Already one of the leading par-1
ties under which political sentiment is I but a remarkably smart old lady, re
arganlaed In the Island has placed a menibered that when she was a slip of
president hi I candidate In nomination,
ine Impending change In the govern-
Dient of the Mil iid In regarded very dlf-
reientiy troin the similar change which
took place In I'.Kl-J. fnbau eagerness
for home rule U not nearly mo evident
s It was six .vein s ago, but thoughtleiw
ahwrvera regard the i'h.vu for uc.
ressful autoiioiiiiMix oviM-mui-iit mm I ic
ing much more hopeful now tUiiu ilii-v
were Imnieillntely in' cdln t)H oi-.'iinl-
(atlou of tlio ttrxl home government of
the IkIsimI.
I IiIk country could luirdly he expect
ed tu (it T;rifinl.e tin legal procedure, or.
lur iniir nut nor, make n it.uioriu i,,
that of nn.r other country, lint It coiilil
rniboily kvl;li licucllrl.il rcMilts tin tvn-
Hplc "! I.'ic (ii'i hiiui Kvstem hi tlciliu
With peil.V iliiiul('M. It is perfectly
proH-r that ciiM-ji Involving .large
IlloiiiitM or 1 : 1 1 J m -1 ; i : I r ituclioCK k'.ioiiIiI
be g.m ltit,i with c.-ile mid due ex
ieiiM. Ilu! I'm i xiii -Ji u nte rate w't'cli
Ann 1 1 vc" i:i,v tor JikiI -c in suiall
thilign l I'l'oViTliinl. 'J'lie ci-i n;i li deal
W:l t.'li'i-t- :h!l.g i:i n' eiulac.i.ty ;
liii'e wiiy. .'t .'. ui.e.-i n, oni'!i-..'yv'.ni
lriii:rcd wii.r there were only f.ur law
yem In ti t'ovn of ll.mi i-oi!e In tier
many, win tnid t:i it the civil i-iiscm hud
ltn ridr.ee I ; 'i u minimum lecuu
rvery suca lasts j.ij t) be tried by
three conciliator npotnted by faa
Mayor of the city before It found Us
wiiy Into the courts. If the Judgment
of the conslllators la not accepted ths
case then gm Into court, hut the loser
ha to pay all the costs, Including at
torneys' fees, ao that the Judgment
tin- conciliators la usually accepted.
The conciliators receive no salary, but
they comdder their anointment a high
honor. Only In alander cases are they
permitted to I in pone a One, wbloii la
pnyahle tn the district Insane' asylum.
The guilty party la -required to alga a
declaration of regret and publish It la
the oniii.il organ of the district. It
would I manifestly Impoaatble to
translate the details of tola procedure
to this mvuitry, but the adoption of tbe
principle In aome form adaptable to v
way of doing would accomplish great
good. Americana are a "la wing" peo
ple and are usually willing to pay for
euch Justice aa they may derl?e from
mailing Into court on the slightest
provocation. Hut It happena In many
thousands of cases that tJie end of
Justice are defeated by the eoatllneaa
of securing It according to America a
Jurisprudence. The Intricate system of
court cost a haa done much to spread
the pessimistic Idea that Jnatlce Is only
for those wbo can afford It. Anything
which will tnnd to disprove thla idea
la to be commended, provided It does
not go contrary to the spirit of our In
st I hit tons.
Orass wldowa are never as greea aa
they pretend to be.
A woman seldom laugba at a man's
Jokea nnlesa aba haa ao ax to grind.
A woninn carea not who listens ao
long as ahe la permitted to do tbe
talking.
Tbe reason widows are ao succesnfol
with men la they know the thlnga wot
to know about them.
The chief reason a girl wanta to get
in ii rr led la to prove to anybody wbo
doubts It that ahe can.
Tou can buy off your wife from tak
ing her $50 allowance by giving her a
Sit-cent bunch of flowers.
Whut a woman can't understand is
how u man refuses to be happy over
his ship coming In aome day.
When a man In labeled a cynic It is
a sign that he baa managed to elude
some woman who tried to marry him.
'There's nothing makes a man feel
queerer than to have his wife describe
a play to blm all wrong when he can't
correct her because he told her he
didn't go to It the night he worked lata
at the office. New York Press.
A Raal Connlcr.
It la not every one who proves the in.
effectualness of Insomnia cures at 1
years of age; that Is why a youngster's
enough to quote.
Tbe father of tbe lad, wbo was about
I years oia, was a pnyaician, ana whan
tbe child found difficulty In getting to
sleep, waa ready with advice.
"I'll tell you something that will soon
put you to sleep," be said. "Tou begin
and count alowly np to one hundA
and then another hundred, and so an.
and before you know it you'll be siarp
Ing. Try It to-night when you go to
bed."
Everything remained quiet that sight
until the father went to retire. Aa he
UUUI avs v , a
ni fh. hnr'm Iwwl a llftl. a.M
.,1)H).
.,0 ,., i
"Yes, my boy."
"What comes after trill Ions?"
But the wakeful youngster's guery
waa not answered ; his father had van
ished Into his own bedroom.
A farmer, hunter and guide of
Moe Klver plantation, In northern
Maine, has a wonderful pair of mlt
tens. lie saya that there are no oth
ers like them In the world. More
than that, be has not been able to
find any one who could guess from
what they were made.
Last aprlng aome wild animal made
havoc with Mr. Sands' ahecp. He aet
a trap and caught a yearling bear,
whose fur was Just starting out after
being abed, and had reached a fuzcy
state, almost like wool.
The pelt was worthless as fur. The
mother of the hunter, now past 70,
a girl her mother once made n pair
of mittens from bear's ir. It had
toeu many years since she had card
ed and spun, but she told her son to
aliuve the bear's pelt while she got
out her old-fashloued hand cards. 8he
had no trouble In combing the Hue fur
Into "rolla." Then out came the spin-nlng-wheel,
Idle for years. A new
baud and some tallow put It In mu
lling order, and the chlldreu for inllea
around caum to see the old lady take
the soft rolls of furry fur and spin It
Into yarn.
The old lady thought that a little
wool would lie needed to give tho yarn
body, but such was not the ease. Tbe
bear's spring coat made excellent
yarn. From this the old lady knit
some sliupely and good-looking mit
tens, of which her son Is Justly proud.
They are warm and aoft, shed water,
and bltl fair to wear longer than wool.
A lumberman offered the -owner of
the mittens ten dollars for them, but
he refused to take it.
When any oiie feels good, it Is not
because he has good link, or tukes
medicine, hut because he is young.
The Mnile w go to the iioatoffles
offeneft, are those who ilo not get
m.ire thuu one li tter a yr.
'jermoriA
(iodllaens.
That which Is Isirn of Jod ovcrcom
efh the world.-Kev. O. 1. Case, Hhik
I'st, Brooklyn.
Married Life.
Mil rr btl life Is what iunrrld wvple
make It. -Kev. Dr. Page, Congregation
allst. Iiotdnn.
(i4't l'arte.
titMl wants us to be busy and In the
world but not of the world. Uev. Ileu
ly Hepburn. Presbyterian. Aurora.
Karever Saved.
There Is no truth more secure than
that when we are saved forever. Ilev.
Itowlcy tireeii, Baptist, Providence,
win.
The exercise of will lies at thl
threshold of every Important achievement.-Iter.
Charles W. Blodgett,
Methodist, Pittsburg.
The Smile of Fori an.
If wealth Is the gift of fortune then
the smile of fortune often makes a nuiti
unfortunate--Uev. William K. Bi"r
wolf, Kvnngellst. North Cnmdcti.
I'nirrlr anil Wealth.
There Is a seeming wealth beneath
which lies grcnl Hiverly, and there Is
a ai-eining poverty beneath which lies
real wealth. Uev. .1. I.. Blanchnrd.
'ongregn I lon.i 1 1st , 1 )en vcr.
Klernal l.lfe,
Ktcrnal life Is not oidy tbe life
that has no ending. It Is more.
It has no dimension, no meas
urement. It Is as I iron d a It Is long.
Uev. (I. Campbell Morgan, Kvangelist
at Atlanta.
The Labor Mnralloa.
After all. the whole labor que
tion la to give ' every one the
square deal. And to do that it
seems to me that it Is necessary to get
at the other fellow's vlewpolnt.-Kev.
Charles Ktel.le, Presbyterian, New
York City.
Freedom.
The human spirit must have room
to expand. It must work with
freedom. If It would work with
mwer. The right to liberty of utler
inic and net Ion is of urgent and vital
importance. Uev. William II. Bale
itn-k, Kefornied Church. Biiyonne, X. J.
A UeHnlle I'lnn.
No great building could he success
fully completed without the deii
liile plan adhered to every step
if the way. The vast social struc
ture must follow the plans and pui--miscs
of the grout Architect, or there
will be disaster. Uev. C. C. Pierce,
Baptist, I Angeles.
A Primary .Vrcrnally. ,
IleRlth 1 n primary necessity. All
departure from health la in n
sense sin. Cluistoneti by pnln, the
soul lcnrns life's deeper meaning,
but when health Ih lost something
Is gone out of life that In necessary Id
it. Health brings peace. Uev. 10. W.
Hunt, Unitarian, Boston.
I'ower.
Things are visible, power
visible; things perish, mwci-iN'i-lslinble
; things change, but
is in-
is llll-
pmver
never changes. The gospel Is the pow
er of the Deify It Ih the power of Hie
lieui-t mid the supreme power In man 's
the power of miin'H heart. Bishop 11.
C. Morrison. Methodist, Birmingham.
Tha I'ower that F.ndurea.
There Is only one kind of power
that lasts, and Hint Is the power of
(iod. Though a mini have the
knowledge of an Aristotle, the
wealth of a Croesus nntl the pow
er of a Caesar. In (Sod's awful bal
ances his soul would outweigh them nil.
Uev. S. B. Dexter, Kpiscopnliati. Au
rora, III.
Letters of Iniroduellou.
Kvery Christian Is like a letter of In
troduction Introducing the siuleHsChrist
to tho unbelieving world. But letters of
Introduction vary In their value. Sumo
such letters are not worth the paper
they are written oil. Other letters of
Introduction are as good as a gold bond.
Uev. Warren (5. Partridge, Baptist,
Pittsburg.
Snrreuuraa of l iirrlime.
Murrlnge Is not an alliance between
a mule and a t'emnle. but e
tweeu it iiiiiii ii ml h woman ;
therefore n holy alliance ordained
of (iod for the preservation of uinnUli.d
anil the proper fulllllnicnt of Ood'n di
vine plan for I lie salvation of u chil
dren. Uev. Cornelius V. Thomas; Uu.
man Catholic, Hull I'mnv.
Hainan Wcaknrxn.
It Is time for us to wvke
the fact that we are no
than our tiod. I it i ' we are
Imperfect creatures of the
fallen by nature, i.ud that It
nw tc
better
pool'
dust.
Is tiiiie
for us to stop inlsroiisl ruing I he divine
character nud (plan as i".'iiiiist Ills crea
tures, and .to hark. 'ii io the Lord's own
word Uev. C. V. Uusscll. Cungrcgii
tloiuillst, ('lucluiiali.
t '- W mi k cm.
All lire culled Into the Lord's vine
yard, to be woi'Ucl'S together with
It lit. This docs not mean flint all
are culled to Is- preachers. As the
soldier K iM's hi n'UMirv !i"ki !v laUh
fully ilischarlug tiie.dutlis of a sol
dier. the ( 'lirlsi lau best serves Cud and
been me s a coworker w'.ili Him by
rn I til in I l.v doing tin uric pi'it i initio r
Ills sphere of life. ,. p, Koberta,
Baptist, Provhletice.
Ml.iillv j;c.
Middle ne is the era of peril,
bec.iuse It Is tbe era of avarice,
The soul cmsM's the line that sep
a rn Its youth Iiiiiii a-o the day taat the
man lieulns to ca-it nbout fur treasure
Willi mIiI Ii to iiipiMiri liis evliaiisied
resoui'it"! nud taUc cure of bis ne,
in tlinl hour I'm i-tnii uii'ts Is I lorn. It
Is Hie hi U 1 I ' n .'i'. niti; who cunt erti
lu-.lMi. fr' iiiblilp. l ie love , wlsilmn,
tat! Suntla.vs, i'Ve:'.v Mil i, li i iiinm
Uy way of pre-eiulin ii . m'dttle age j
D. N. HiH.u, Cocg-vml mi i.st, p.nK"b
04
THE 80HO OF TEE WIAl).
The wind that sings in the chimney flue,
What does It say to rue and you?
Rich Is Its hanntlug minor key
Mooning for things that can never be.
Or things that are lost to the day snd sun.
Back In some black oblivion.
It moves on wings from the misty psst,
Over Its gloom sre shadows cast.
It whistles a dirge for ancVnr days
Solemnly snd are the tunes It plays.
Its volume rises nud falls. It fills
The heart with tremors and doubts and thrills.
It rosins the to-railih rf
But !t never hnrbora a
the
note
O. gray old tmi'i et, In wondrous ways.
Your requiem till of the yesterdays
But who that lltes can (lie tale translate,
Or quote the p!'enge of l.lfe and Fate?
But. sing awny, In the chimney flue.
Of things thai, are old and thing that ar
Till sorrow and suffering wem sublime
' To the very ends of the sands of Time!
-Joel Benton, In Hucc-ss Mngarlue.
EC
JUST IN TIME
"And wlien am I going to see my
Stepson?"
"My dear Sarah," answered Mr.
Brown, "It haa always been my pride
and boast that I am Imbued with a
considerable amount of personal cour
age, having once chased a burglar over
three garden fences In my night at'lre
on a frosty night : hut 1 must confess
that when I think about Informing Jim
of, the fae that I have married for a
second time I quake, I positively
quake."
"Well, James Brown, we've been mar
ried a week, and I haven't seen your
son yet, hut If you dou'f bring him
home to dinner to-night oii'll discover
another kind of quake, mid you'll think
It's an earthquake."
"Very well, my dea?; I'll call at his
rooms on my way V) business. By the
way, my brother Tom Is In town, he's
staying at the Pandora: I would like
you to look h'iftt up tills morning, lie
eaves New Tork to'-day at tweive
o'clock on ftls way to South America.
I will try to meet you there at eleven,
but If I am late you can send your
card up and sny I'm coming."
'I will go, James; your brother Is
very rich, isn't he?"
"Getting on for a millionaire, I be
lieve, and goodness knows what might
hnppen If you make an impression on
him. Tom Is a good sort."
Mrs. Jnmes Brown wus a larg', fair
woman, fifty years of age ond of Vou-
slderahle avoirdupois, and as she stoo.l
beside the short rotundity of her newly
acquired husband she Illustrated the
contrast of the mountain and the mole
hill. When Mr. Brown walked towards his
son 8 rooms he was very much perturb
ed In Hpirlt. He felt that he hail done
menu action In giving Jim a step
mother without Informing him of hl.
Intention, and even when he knocked .it
his son's door he had not uiiiile up his
mind how to break the news.
'Halloa, dad! 1 haven't seen you for
an age."
"How are you. Jim. my Isiv : hard
at work, eh 7"
"Yes, ilad: I've got a-watching brief
in n case coming on nt eleven o'clock.
"That's good; we er that Is. I
want you to come round to dinner to
night, Jim, I've er got a little sur
prise for you; you'll come, eh?"
"Yes, dad. of course I will."
"All right, seven o'clock ; I must be
off bow."
And, much to Jim's astonishment, his
father bucked out and made a hurried
exit.
"Poor old dnd? Jot a surprise for
me, eh? Well, be doesn't know what a
surprise I've got for him. Halloa who's
this, another visitor?"
He went to the door In response to
another summons, and found a mes
senger ou the mat.
"Letter from Mr. Thomas Brown.
rundora hotel. No answer."
"By George! I'ncle Tom answered at
Inst. I wonder what he snvs?"
He tore the missive open and perused
it.
"You Young Dog I low dare you get
married without your fuiher'n knowl
edge? Be a man ami tell him your
self; I'm not going to Interfere. I am
leaving here to-day at twelve o'ebsk
for South Africa. If you can bring
your wife along at about eleven, and
provided I like the looks of her, I'll
give her a check for $."i.(kh n ,.d
ding present. Your loving uncle. Tom
Brown."
"Confound It! what am I to d.i?
Here's Kute down at Irvonj with her
mother, and I'm due in court at elevti
o'clts-k. If 1 wired to Kate she coiildii t
get here In lime; It's H:.ti now. o;i.
What a mess! A tsil five thousat.il
thrown clean away! I'ncle Turn is sui-h
a t one ii. v oiu iohsii ne ii accept no
excuse, ami never forgive ine If I don't
go. Oh, it's Maddening!"
He strode up and down the room fo;
a few minute. thinking hard; then or
made a dash for bin hat ami coat.
"By George! Nelly Sharp, she's the
ona to get me out of this. 1 shall just
have time to go round to her." f
He rushed out, J unified Into a Iiiir
aoui, aud was driven rapidly to a block
Of flats and hurried up the aluirs. I'lt
knock was answered by J-'elly Shui-p
tierself.
"Why, If It ain't Jhu lU-owu!"
"Yes, Nelly, my very own self; put
look here, old girl, I can't waste tUie.
I want you to do me a fa-or."
"Fire away, my boy."
"Well, It's this way, Neily ; you're
sharp girl."
sen and earth,
or mil Ih.
"Sharp by neme and sharp by na
ture." "Ha, hn ! that's good yes, I see the
Lpoint; but what I meant wia. you're
a good actress." '
"I wish my manager thought so."
"Ob, don't frivol. Tbe fact Is, Nelly,
I got married last week."
"Oh ! Then thafa the reason I haven't
seen you at my afternoon teas. Why
didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't tell anybody, not even my
father; it sounds silly, but I hadn't got
the pluck. However, I wrote to my
Incle Tom a couple of days ago, and
this Is his answer."
iiooa oia uncte: I wish I bad one
iike that. Five thousand I You are in
ltit-:: !"
"No. I'm not; my wife Is down at
Iri.i:a. and I can't get her up In time.
ami It all depends on you whether I
got the money or not."
"On me! What have I to do with it?"
"Take my wife's place for an hour.
and go u ml see Uncle Tom."
"DO YOU ACKNOWLEDGE
"My word. Jim Brown; but you
ircn't half a caution."
"Go ou, Nelly, Just to oblige me; It'a
a quarter to eleven now you'll be Just
In time."
"But"
"And u diamond ring for your trouble
if it comes off. I must be in court in
a few minutes; here's one of my wife's
cards, and tell him that I will come
mi later; tuats an right, uood-nye,
and many thanks."
"But, look here, when waa I mar
rledV" .
"Last Saturday, the 15th."
"Well. If there's any bother, I'll"
But Jim Brown was already down
the stall's, and Nelly was left to rumi
nate upon the new part she waa called
iixut to play.
"I suppose' I must oblige the poor
boy, but It's like being called upon to
piny priuclwl lead without any re
hearsals. I only hope I sha'n't fluff
the part."
Nelly fllinrp was known In the pro
fession for a kind-hearted soul, and
many were the difficulties she was
culled uiKiu to adrit lu unravelling, but
us she made her way towards the Pan
dora hotol she reflected that this was
the quaintest errand ahe had ever trav
ehal iiMin.
Mr. Thomas Krowii was reclluliig In
uu easy chair in his luxurious suite of
rooms, when his man Marker brought
in a curd Inscribed: "Mrs. James
Brown."
"Ah! so Jim's wife has turned up,
eh Show her In, Barker." '
The officious Barker Immediately re
tired, n ml ushered Nelly Sharp Intsj
the room.
oh, I'ncle Tom! So you have'ql
gone? I am Just In time."
'.luisf In time, my dear. And yil
are the lady that young rascal married
ou the quiet, eh?"
"Oh. von mustn't be hard un .Mm.
lie's a real good sort; Indeed, he's the
i cry best man In the world."
"Hard on liluiV 1 admire the young
tlog's taste. When were you married''"
"Last Saturday, the l."ih."
"Aud where Is Jim now'"
"He hail to he In the court at eleven
o'clock, but he hopes to come ou later."
"Well, my dear, Jim wan always n
favorite of mine as a youngster, and I
like the look of you. By the way,
what is your name?"
"Nelly."
"Well, Nelly. I'll Just write o.it a
check for What Is It. Backer?"
Barker glided Into the room nrd
pliiecd a visiting card la bis uuulur'
I band.
"Bless ma, most extraordinary. My
dear, would yon mind stepping lato this
room for a minute? I won't keep yon
long. Thafa right; thank yon. Tbls
la very curious, Barker, another Mrs.
James Brown. What Is she like?"
"Large, stout party, sir; fair hsir,
red face."
"Show her In, Barker."
Barker Immediately acquiesced, and
returned with Jtm'a unknown step
mother. "Ah, Mr. Brown, I muat Introduce
my eel f. I waa so sfratd I would miss
you, bnt It seems I am Just In time."
"Just In time, madam; and and am
I to understand that you are the the
party Jim haa married?"
"Of course I am, only he had a silly
Idea In bis bead to keep our marriage
a secret."
"I'm ah yes; I can quite under
stand that. Aud and when were you
married?"
"Last Saturday, the 18th."
"Bless me, how extraordinary same
day, same day! And may I inquire your
Christian name, madam V
"My name la Sarah."
"And where Is Jim now?"
"He hud an appointment at eleven
o'clock, but be Is coming on later to see
you lieore you go; be hopes to arrive
Just In time."
"Just In time urn; seems to be a
catch word In thla family. What'a the
matter now, Barker? What's this,
what' this? Ob, this Is preposterous.
Excuse me for a minute, madam, hut
would you mind stepping into this
room. This way; thank you."
Thomas Brown conducted his visitor
to the room where Nelly Sharp was
already waiting, and then turned to
Barker.
"Barker, am I In my right senses or
not?"
"Oh, sir, yes sir, certainly."
"And yet you tell me that there Is
a third lady calling herself Mrs. James
Brown asking to see me. What on
earth haa tbe boy been doing? Two
wives is bad enough; but three he's
a regular Mormon! But abow her In,
show her In; she's Just in time."
Tbe bewildered Barker ushered In a
dainty young girl, with A bewitching
face and a charming manner.
"Ob, and you are Jim's uncle. I have
had such a race to get here before you
left. I am so glad I am Just In time."
"Just in time urn; she'a evidently
one of the family. , And so you are
Jim's wife; eh?"
"Yes, uncle; I hope you didn't think
It very wrong of us to keep our mar
riage a secret f
"Oh, not at all, not at all. I can
quite understand Jim's motive. And
when were you married?"
"Last Saturday, the 15th."
"Bless me, what a busy day! I won
der how the young dog managed It?
And what is your Christian name?"
-Kate."
THIS LADY AS YOUK WI1TE?"
"Nelly, Sarah, Kate a fine assort-
meat And may I ask Jim's present
whereabouts?"
"I haven't seen him this morning, but
I know he bad an appointment to be In
court at 11 o'clock."
"Ah! It striken me that he'll have
another appointment to be In court
soon.'
"I shouldn't have known you were
here only I went to Jim's office and
found your letter on the table ; bnt I
am sure Jim will come along aa soon
as he Is free."
"Then I hope hell arrive Just in
time. What is It, Barker not anoth
er?"
Mr. Thomaa Brown looked anxiously
at the visiting card which Barker band
ed hlai.
"Cm ah yes ! My dear, would you
mind stepping Into thla room for a mo
ment? This way ; thank you. Now I've
got the three birds In one cage. Show
the scoundrel In. Barker."
Jim Brown came in panting and
breathless.
"Ah! Uncle Tom, Just In time, eh?'
"Just In time, sir. Just in time, and
It seems to me that youll be doing time
soon."
"Why, what do you mean, uncle?"
"How many wives have you got, you
young reprobate?"
"How many? Why, one, of course.
How many, do you think I've got?"
"I am afraid to guess. At present I
have only met three."
"Three! What are you talking
.lOUt?"
"I don't know what they call It
trigonometry or something but It's
gulnst the law.",
"What Is?"
"Why, to have three wives three
wives, aud I've got 'em all In that
room."
"But I've only got one wife."
"Is that so? Theu I'll Introduce you
to three. Nelly!"
He opened tiie door and Nelly Sharp
came out.
"Now, air, Is tbls lady your wife?"
"Well er that Is yea, sir."
"I am glad you have acknowledged
one What Is It now, Barker?"
"Mr. James Brown, sir."
"Ah! your father; I am glad he has
come. Show him In, Barker."
Jim's father came Into the room with
out-stretched hands.
"Ah! Tom; Just In time."
"Yes, James; you are Just lu time.
Allow me to Introduce you to one of
your son's wives."
"Whut! Jim married!"
"Yes. fattier; I was married a week
lago. but "
"Pardon m one moment You have
acknowledged on wife; I will bring In
another. Kate I"
Kate rams Into tbe room at his call,
"Now, sir, Is this your wife?"
"Yes, sir, it Is; but "
"Then how dare you have two wives.
and bow dare you stand there and
brasen It ont before them both?"
"What Is the matter, Jim? I don't
understand all this," said Kate.
"The matter, my dear, Is that this
young scoundrel has married I lire"
wives."
"Ob, Jim, Jim! lay that It Un'fc true.
Can this be tbe reason why yon wished
to keep our soarrlagt a secret?"
"Excuse me; I will now bring lu wife
number three, Sarah I"
Mrs. Brown, senior, came Into the
room In a very Indignant manner..
"Do you acknowledge this lady as
yonr wife? N
"No; I do not." "
"I should think not. Indeed." snorted
Sarah Brown. "A woman at my time
of life to get married to a boy! This
gentlemau is my husband."
"What! My brother James?"
"Yea, Tom; we were married secretly
a week ago. because I didn't like to tell
Jim that I contemplated giving blm n
stepmother." '
"Well, that subtract one from the
number; but you're still got two, Jim."
"Uncle, allow me to confess, and I
will explain all. When I got your note
thia morning saying that you would
like to see my wife, and If you liked
her you would give her $5,X)0, Katie
was away at Irvonn. I had no time to
telegraph to her, and I did not wish to
lose your generous present, so I per
suaded my good friend, Nelly Sharp, to
pretend that she was my wife."
"Oh, Jim, then she's not your wife?"
"No, dear; and I must ask her par
don for placing her In such an unpleas
ant position. I am sorry, Nelly; I did
Aot know my wife was In town."
"I missed you so dreadfully, I
couldn't stay away, Jim."
"Well, It appear to me that we are
clearing things up all round," said Tom
Brown, "and It's only been a misun
derstanding after all. I forgive you
your little deception, Jim, aud will let
you have that check, but It seems a
stupid epidemic to strike a family, tbls
secret marriage business.- Give It up.
give it up, and don't do it again. By
George, lt'a late ; I must go. Ten mln
utea to get to the wharf. All of you
Jump In cabs, and come aud see me tiff.
"Can we do It?"
"Yes; we'll be Just in time." Dnfrolt
News Tribune. 1
OUR TRADE WITH THE ORIENT.
Market Thera for American Goods
Japan aa a lluyer.
The, total Oriental uiurket for mer
chandise of a class which may be read
ily produced In tbe United States Is
more than $1,000,000,000 annually, and.
of this we now supply about $125,000,
000. Of tbHi annual market of $1,000,
000,000 about $250,000,000 is' cotton
goods, for which the United States sup
plies most of the raw material ; anoth
er $100,000,000, iron and steel, of which
the United States Is the world's largest
producer ; $40,000,000, provisions in vari
ous forms, in the production of which
the United States also exceeds any oth
er country; about $40,000,000 mineral
oil; $25,000,000, medicines, drugs and
dyes; $20,000,000, flour, and $20,00VX"0,
coal, In addition to a large number of
other articles of miscellaneous charac
ter, almost exclusively, however, tnan
ufoffhires. While the United States supplies
ubout 20 pe cent of the Imports of
China, Japan and the Philippines, and
Is steadily Increasing Its total. It sup
plies but practically 1 per cent of the
Imports of the tropical and Kiibtrojl-al
Orient and is making little, If any, in
crease. Japan occupies first place among the
Oriental countries In the percentage of
Its trade conducted with this con ii try,
ajnd our exports to Japan are greater
than to any other Oriental country ex
cept China. ,
Iron and steel manufactures, Includ
ing machinery, are probably tbe moat
important group of articles found In
our exports to Japan, and their Import
ance seems likely to Increase more ra)v
ldly than tbat of any other article or
group of articles. Tbe principal arti
cles forming export from the United
States to Japan are Iron and steel man
ufactures, raw cotton, keroaene oil and
flour.
While cotton has lu uvauy recent
years shown a larger total than iron
and steel, and while Japan will always
continue to be a large importer of raw
cotton. It la scarcely probable that tbe
growth In our exports of cotton to that
country will be as rapid as that of Iron
and steel manufactures. Pacific Era.
Tfceaa Theorist.'
Booker T. Washington, at the Inter
national Congress of Religious Liberty
In Boston, said somewhat Impatiently
of a new theory for the solution of the
race question :
"But it is work we want not theories.
There are enough theorists, In all con
science, but of workers, on the other
hand, there Is always a dearth."
Tbe eloquent colored man paused and
frowned.
"When a hear of a new theory," he
said, "I am reminded of the two geolo
gists. At a new Hampshire autumn
resort,' -one brilliant afternoon, the
younger geologist from his bedroom
window, saw the older man rolling a
great rock down the side of a moun
tain. He watches the work for nearly
three hours. The old geologist, thin
and little aud whlte-whlsJtered, bud
bard time of It to guide that roi-k al
most as big as himself. But be per
severed. He gtt the rock down where
he wanted It Just as the dinner-bell
rang. The youuger man said to blm
wonderlngly at dluuer: '
"What were you doing with thnl
rock thla afternoon, professor!'
" 'Why,' tbe professor answered, "the
fact Is, the darned thing was (VK f-
too high to suit my theory.'"
Tkt Jadga'a Advantage.
"There Is oue advautaye which a
Judge always has lu his profession."'
"Whut la thatr
"Whether he succeeds lu given case
or not, he can always try It." Kanaa
City Independent.
I
