ta County Herald
DAKOTA CITY, NEB.
OHN
H. REAM,
Publisher.
The fact tnnr ymcts "'' rn snonTd
fcever be blamed on (lie stork.
China has horn forced to apoioglze to
Japan. Clilna has no I'nciflc fleet of
battleships.
' Tt doesn't Inspire a small boy very
touch to tell him that he may be vice
president some day.
I The Kaiser ought to confine his fn-
ture correspondence with I-ord Tweed
knouth to picture post cards.
: Minister Wu Ting Fang wears' a cunt
Which is buttoned down tlie buck, hut
M has somebody to button It for him.
One of the lady novelists has written
story entitled "Come and Find .Me.'
Is this strictly In line with the leap
year spirit?
As the Russians were not able to lick
the Japnnese at any stage or the game
they may feel thnt they have to take it
out of their generals.
Inasmuch ns the automobile- has
come to stay, It devolves upon the road
laillders to evolve a pavement that th.
automobile can't destroy.
Lincoln's life and eulogy of his char
acter, said: "I think I have read erery
word that Lincoln ever wrote. I would
not ask anything better for ft young
man who desires to enter political life
than to do the same. In the study of
a profession or the preparation for a
public debate, or political opportunity,
a course In John Bright, a course In
Gladstone, a course In Lincoln, and dl
r't familiarity with their speeches and
the platforms upon which they stood
nd the methods which they brought to
bear upon the exigencies of the day
would be worth volumes of rhetorical
study to re-enforce their mora",
strength, and bring to the community
that great power which la needed In the
regeneration of our affairs." Tho sug
gestion Is full of wisdom, anil has the
force of practical experience. It H a
belief of many persons of middle nge
that the school Uenders nt a generation
ago performed no greater sorvlei than
the stimulation of interest In great po
litical lenders by quoting eloquent ex
amples of their mental and moral grasp
of the probl'WS they had to face. The
present la n time when every ''t-rary
counter contains prcdlgesP1 1 nientcl
food. There are so many liitcrcfiltig
magazine articles about great men, and
so many handy little pocket editions of
"choice selections" from f.hetr wuks,
that the fashion of golusr direct to the
fountain head is neglected. Tie los la
serious. The young man who follows
(Jov. Hughes' advice will have piov. led
himself with a political cdinatloi mid
equipment that not even nn ordinary
college education now supplies.
Ilarrlrsan now controls railroads
that stretch from ocean to ocean. lie,
too", probably regards It as foolish to g:
on with the I'anama caul.
Toung Hiram I. Maxim, offspring
of 8Ir Hiram, has Just Invented the
gllent firearm, and, on the whole, seems
to be quite a promising son of a gun.
The critic who says the navy's aim
In the battle of Santiago was miserably
toor will have some trouble convincing
fipaln that he knows what he Is talking
about
A man laughed himself to death at n
Joke which was told at the table In a
New York boarding house. This seems
to upset the theory that there are no
funny boarding house jokes.
The Porto Rlcan house of delegates
has passed a bill providing for the es
tablishment of a lottery with monthly
prizes amounting to $-10,000. Evidently
Porto ltico is not quite ready for state- the diameter of the driving-wheels
The Krie Railroad now jMissesses, ac
cording to the Sclent llle American, the
largest locomotive In the world. It
has been const ructed especially for the
purpose of drawing trains up the steep
grades near Susquehanna. The locoin'r
time weighs 4IO.IMK) pounds, and Is vi
pable of exerting a pull of 08,000
Iouih1, which may be temporarily In
creased to 12(),0in pounds, tt Is of the
Mullet tyjo, one Immense holler sup
plying two engines, one of high and tho
other of low pressure. Although en
closed In the Fame body, the two pairs
of cylinders are carried on separate
trucks, cheh operating Its dwn set of
driving-wheels. All (be cylinders havi
the same length of stroke, 1!8 Inches,
Is
hood.
The Mr. Tack who was a candidate
for the office of City Assessor of Ilur
rlsburg, To., recently was budly defeat
ed. The hammers must have landed
oil blm pretty heavily during the cam
paign.
An English court has recently decid
ed that husbands are entitled to the
avlngs which have been accumulated
by their wives. But this decision Is not
likely to bring much discouragement to
American heiresses.
Several Yasser College girls are act
ing as probation olllcers for the. city
court or rougnueepBie. They are
Studying the truancy problem in this
practical way, and hope to learu why
poys are naughty. A special course In
this subject might profitably be Intro
duced In all the women's colleges. If
the young women pursued It thorough
ly there might be fewer truants In the
next generation of boys.
A negro who at the age of nine years
was soul by auction In New Orlenus for
fOOO, and later, brought $2,500, retired
as Janitor of a bank building In a New
England city the other day, to spend
the rest of his life at ease ou the Inter
est of his savings. The man who paid
$2,500 for the young slave must have
been a pretty good Judge of values.
There Is many a shiftless white man
(or whom his neighbors would not give
$250, If they hoped to make anything
to the Investment above the cost of
board and clothes for their property.
51 Inches, and the wheel base of the h-
comotive Is T!0 feef 2 inches long,
President Roosevelt In his latest mes
sago to Congress says some striking
things ubmit the work of the Biological
Survey. It has shown, be says, that tit
least forty-three species of birds prey
upon the cottonboll-wccvll ; that fifty
seven species feed upon scale Insects,
which attack fruit-trees; that cuckoos
and orioles destroy leaf-eating cater
pillars, that hawks and owls, except n
few which attack poultry and game-
birds, ore benefactors In destroying
grasshoppers and mice; and that
"woodpeckers, as a class, by destroying
the larvne of wood-boring Insects, are
so essential to tree life that It Is doubt
fill If our forests could exist without
them." The plumage of these -birds
should be admired and respected as the
uniform of a winged ormy which de
fends man against some of his worst
foes.
Commenting upon a 'recent German
book on the Interior state of the enrth
Dr. A. C. Lane, well known for his re
searches on this dllllcult subject, make
n very interesting remurk. He says
that without making u sweeping slate
incut at the start, ns to the gaseous In
terior of the earth, It Is perhaps safe
to say, In view of what we know, that
some of the elements of the earth's In
terior are lu a gaseous condition, and
the earth, for them at least, might bo
likened to a toy balloon, but one In
which the gas was so condensed, under
such pressure, that one could easier
dent a steel ball than It. Under con
ditions of temperature not easy to din
prove, that Bhould bo the condition of
all the earth's elements toward the cen
ter." Doctor Lane adds that tho study
MlnniMMfiE
The wife of Count Tolstoi has kept
Journal of her fi'isband's affairs, the
manuscript of which she has presented
to the Moscow Historical Museum,
where the manuscript of most of Tol
stoi's novels vas also placed. As the
Countess' Journal Is probably the most
Intimate occotint that will ever be writ
ten of Tolstoi's life tho translation will
be of great Interest and value if It ever
appears. ,
The comical songs In "Alice In Won
derland" have leeri set to music by
Mine. Liza Lehmann and have been
sung at a Ixmdoii concert. The musical
value of her work Is a thing outside
the scope of these notes; but we may
quote as a matter of literary interest
the Athenaeum's statement thnt she
lias dealt entertainingly with "Vou are
old, Father William," "which planned
as a duet for tenor and baritone, ex
hibits pleading strains for the youth
contrasted with firm and dignified ut
terance on the part of the old man.
Very humorous, too, Is the setting of
They told me you had been to her,'
nterrupted by recitatives. In the atylo
of the old-fashioned Italian opera."
There were 7,701 books published In
England during the year that recently
closed. Among theiu "Poetry and the
Drama" number !5.'!5. against 305 lu
i:Wrt. But according to an English au
thority there was a "slump In novels,
tales and Juvenile works from 2,108 to
1.SG2. The fall In fiction seems re
markable, for a larger number of new
writers have appeared than usual. Few
have taken the world by storm, and
good writers of the second rank do not
seem to have scored any remarkable
successes.
Now that the English copyright on
Lewis Carroll's" "Alice In Wonder
land" has 'expired, many publishers are
issuing it, and English children can
procure copies at a low price. In this
connection, says a writer In the Book
man, It Is Interesting to remember how
the book came to be written. A real
Alice was the inspiration, and in Mr.
Hodgson's diary he records the very
day of Its beginning: "July 4, 1802. 1
made nn excursion up the river to God
ltow with the three Llddells. We had
tea on the bank there, and did not
reach Christ Church till half past eight,
On which occasion I told them the
fairy-tale of 'Alice's Adventures Under
ground,' which I undertook to write out
for Alice." After Mr. Hodgson's death
the "real Alice" wrote as follows alsjut
that eventful day: "I believe tlio begin
ning of 'Alice' was told one summer af
ternoon when the sun was so burning
that we had landed In the meadows,
deserting the boat to take refugo In the
only bit of shade to be found, which
was under a new-made hayrick. Here
from all three came the old petition,
tell us a story,' and so began the ever
delightful tale." On tho same day,
three years after that happy picnic ut
Godstow, the Alice who had helped to
plead for a story, the gentle Secnudn
who hoped there "would bo nonsense in
It." received the first presentation copy
)f "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland,"
ulthfully retold in print.
LPapeks.
A maiden aunt who had lost her nion
t was nrovlded with a home In n woll.
o-do family. At once she identified of ,el",lc vibrations will probably set
ierself with Its Interests, nnd helmr n 116 ""' question,
housekeeper born, was ablo to serve
(hem in many ways. As occasion arose,
fhe played the parts of cook, maid
puree, seamstress, luundress, gardener,
octal secretary and night-watchman.
Bo faithful was she to such duties that
he never left town, when others took
vacations, and for weeks at a time dhl
hot stir beyond the gate. The family
"gave her a home," as they and she
said. Actually she earned her living
three times over. In return for Imard,
lodging and clothing, site accompli died
tasks aud bore responsibilities that few
domestics would have been" willing to
undertake at any price. Unlike the do
mestics, she had no Thursday and Sun
day afternoons, and her social life was
limited to tho every-day association
With self-absorbed and Indifferent rela
tives. Tbe'shut-lus" who are confined
by Illness huvo a society through which
they are ministered to by many gra
clous Influences. The shut-ins who urn
too poor to maintain homes, and whoso
kinsfolk are too proud to let them seek
the shelter of an Institution, arc unor
ganized and attract no notice; hut in
many canes they are equally deserving
f sympathy. True, there Is seldom in-
tentlonul uukludness behind the pro
cess by which a defeiident is turned lu
to a drudge. If tho relatives had been
unfeeling they would huve sent the old
aunt or uncle to the poorhouHe. When
we "give a" home" we do a flno thing.
put before we plume ourselves unduly,
t Is well to glance at the other fcl.lo of
the account, and see how much money
Is saved and how many wearisome lit
tie tutiks are spared us by the old
l lJ..- V
J
A VERSATILE DUTCHMAN.
nttlliiit nlxliril Comninnlatlo and Co-
0irntlv Oricanlarr.
One of the most Interesting of our re
cent international visitors is Dr. Fred
erick van Keden, tho Dutch author.
poet and play
wright. Dr. van
Eeden Is the found
er of the communist
ic colony of Wal
den, tho first of a
chain of such col
onics In Holland.
They have grown
very rich as colo
nies, h1ih-6 tho un
earned Increment
nn. van KKit:.. mid the profits of
cudi belong not to the Individuals, but
to the community us a whole. It la
the belief of the theorists that event-
uully these colonics will spread and
Increase In wealth and power till all
Holland becomes n communism.
Dr. van I'.edcn founded the first
clinic o:i hypnotism in medicine In Hol
land, which was the third of Its kind
In the world. In 11)0:1. when thero was
a lockout lu Holland and much pover
ty, he took the head of a relief move
ment and established civ-opcrntlve shops
which gave employment to ru0 persons,
In which all those wbi bought were
stockhohhri In tho enterprise. The
sudden growth of this enterprise it
gained uo.Oihi nifinber.-i in three months
was too much for Dr. van Eeden's
recources und the shops failed. The ex-
vomim who is "able to help round," or lierlment cost the doctor $100,000. They
the old nun who "Inst docs tha phorwr" have been revived since ami are m
operation all over the little kingdom,
Dr. von Eeden Is the pioneer of a school
of fiction, a Het of note, and he has
two plays now on the stage In Holland.
Illpplrlo Line to Allmmbrn.
The city of Granada Is now connected
with tho palace of the Alhumbra by
means of an electric tramway, accord
ing to the Temps of Paris.'
Work on tho repairs nnd restorations
of the Interior of the Alhambra Is be
ing rapidly and most successfully push
ed forward by the new conservator of
the palace. A part, of the necessary
funds has been furnished by the Span
ish government.
There is at present a growing move
ment In Spain lu favor of making seri
ous efforts to preserve many of the his
torical monuments which are In dan
ger of falling Into ruin. At the same
time patriotic lovers of art are becom
ing alive to the danger of the loss to
tho country of many art objects and
particularly of the historical treasures
which are owned by the churches and
convents. A bill for the prevention of
the buIo of these objects and, above all,
of their exportation, will be presented
to the Cortes before long. Efforts will
be made to embrace within its opera
tion the possessions of private persons
ivlnch may have a national, artistic aud
'llstorlMl value.
The practice of celebrating the birth
days of great men n it only fosters a
sentiment that Is wholesome and ennob
ling, but n!so occasionally gives birth to
suggestions 'of great practical value.
Gov. Hughes, one of the speakers at a
JLlncola-dny dinner of the Union league
0ub of New York, after a revltw of j
No man can thlnx well of himself
who does not think well of others.
No young man wcu enjoj kissing a
girl U he bud to.
Turklh I'nrrlcrr.
Turkish horseshoes are simply a flat
plate of iron with a hole In the middle.
in his volume of "Personal Adveu-
t u res" Col. .1. P. Robertson describes
the extraordinary method of preparing
the horse to be shod.
The farrier takes a good long rope,
doubles It and knots a loop at the end
to about the size of u good large horse
collar. This Is put over the horse's
bead after the manner of n horse col
lar, the knot resting on the horse's
chest.
Then the two ends of rope nre
brought between Ills legs. Each rope,
then ta!:cn by a man, is hitched on to
the fetlocks of bis hind legs and
brought through the loop in front; then
by a hard, steady pull the hlud legs are
drawn up to the fore legs, and the
horse falls heavily ou his side.
All four feet are then tied together
by the fetlocks, the horse Is propped
up on his back, and the farrier sits
quietly down beside him, takes off all
the old v'.uun and puts on new. When
the worli Is Mulshed the horse Is uutled
ami allowed to gel up.
Rome neonie make the n:is!ake of
thinking they are sure Just because
they are slow.
Dyer Do you think the time will
come when we shall have universal
Nace? Ryer Not unless we adopt
trial marriages. 'Town Topic.
Please give me two bills for my hat.
one for ten dollars to show my bus-
band, und one for twenty to show my
ludy friends." McggeiidorlVr Bl.ietter.
Do you really love inc. John?" "Oh
bo. I vtesr these summer punts nuu
this tramp overcoat merely to appear
eccentric, that's all." Washington Her
ald.
"Do you believe that men and worn
en should have equal llghu'r" "Well
I used to. but since I've been marriei'
I don't dare to suy so." Cleveland
Leader.
Mrs. Houlihan l sobbing) I lievci
saw ye til' day before me unforeh
nit marriage. Mr. Houlihan An'
often wlslit ye hadn't seen me till til
day after: Puck.
Phoebe You would hardly know
Freddy hince be got buck from Monte
Carlo. He lost all bis money there.
nnd Evelyn Hardly know hint
Why. 1 shan't know him at all! Illus
trated lilts.
Old Hunks When I came to thlf
town sixteen years ego real estate
the block where I live was ' higher
priced than it is now. Old Hewllgus
It would be so lu any block where you'd
settle down. Chicago Tribune.
"Oliicer," said" the police magistrate,
"what is the charge against the pris
oner V" "Having tin Infernal machine
in his isisscsslou, your honor," replied
the policeman. "Anarchist or chauf
feur'" queried the magistrate. Chica
go Daily News.
Father If you marry my daughter,
are you sure you will be able to take
care of her In the style to which she
has always been accustomed? Suitor
(who Is In the wholesale business)
I'll guarantee It, sir, or or return the
goods. Pick-Ie-Up.
"You said that If I bought this sub
urban house I coind live like a prince,
With malaria and automobiles. I'm in
fear for my life!" "Well," answered
the agent, soothingly, "thiuk of the
prlsces who live in fear of their lives."
Washington Star.
Mr. Stubb (with Illustrated weekly)
Martha, here Is a picture entitled
"Disking an Ocean Greyhound." Mrs.
Stubb (flaring up) I Just don't want
to &-e it I think there should be a
law against clipping off a poor dog's
tail. Chicago News.
"Would you Bend a man who uses
profanity to Congress' ' l Uuuno,
answered Farmer Corntosscl. "Of
course, I don't approve of profanity;
but I'd want him to be able to hold his
own In any of them arguments that
come up." Washington Star.
Mrs. Gadshy (huirglng dog) I don't
know what were going to uo aooui
tioor. darling Fldo! Mr. Gnihiby
Humph! What alls him? Mrs. Gads-
by (in surprise) Why, haven't you no
ticed how irritated lie becomes when
ever the baby cries? Puck.
Mrs. Spenders I wonder how you'd
like tt if 1 ever got 'new-womanish"
nnd Insisted upon wearing men 8
clothes? Mr. Spenders Oh. 1 haven't
any fear of you ever doing that. Men 3
clothes are never very expensne.
Catholic Standard aud Times.
"Do vou mean to tell me you have
lived In this out-of-the-way place for
twenty years?" "That's right, stran
ger; twenty years." "Hut I don't sea
what you find to keep you busy."
"N-otldnir. stranger. That's the reason
like it." Louisville Herald.
"Yes," said Miss Jlltham. "he was an
old flame of mine. And when you toiu
him I was to be married next week,
did he seem sorry?" "les, ne uuiuu
ted that he felt sorry," replied Miss
Gabble. "Did he, really?" "Yes, al
tlininrh be said he didu t know your
An it oa t w rii trill 11 v." Catholic Standard
and Times.
Mr Rvley Why are yeas decora tin'.
Mrs. Murphy? Mrs. Murphy Mo b'y
Dcniiv U comln' homo the day. Mr. Ry
ley I fought it wins for folve years' he
wuz slut ui? Mrs. Murpny .mb wu
but he got a year oil for good tiehuy
. . ....... A., unpu It- tuilut lui
vure. sir. uyicj- ... "
a great comfort for ye to have a good
b'y like that. London iii-ims.
"You'll havo to wnd for another doc
tor." biiltl the one who had been culled,
after a glance nt tne piiuciu. .uu
so sick us that?" gasjed the .sufferer
"I don't know Just bow sick you are,
replied the man of medicine, 'but
know you're the lawyer who crosses
umliied me when I appeared as an ex-
,,ri witness. Mv conscience won't let
me kill .von. and I'll ! hanged It
want to cure you. Good day."
Vicar John, do you er ever uss
Hirong language? John (guardedly)
Well. sir. I "'"J e a "Hie mi ueer
less like lu my speech ut times. Vicar
Ah. I'm sorry. John. But wo will
convert ubout that some other time,
Just now I want you to go to th
plumber's and settle this bill for four
pounds ten for thawing out a water
pipe. And you might Just talk to th
man in a careless sort of way, us if It
were your own bill ! Punch.
TEE CnULCH'S OBLIGATION TO WORZINGMEN.
By Bishop Henry C. Potter.
You and I, whether we are dls-Ksi-d
to like the situation or not
and most of us resent it as an In
sufferable Impertinence are con
fronted In this republic nnd in this
twentieth century with Incomparably
the most tremendous problem In Its
relation to the right construction of
human society with which the repub
lic has yet hud to deal, and that prob
lem Is the problem of the unifica
tion of the Ideas ami sympathies ami
purposes and alms of men. It Is not
nisHoe roTTER. ti,e giving of money or the creation
of charitable Institutions that builds, up the feeling of
broth-riiood among men. 'The poor man resents our con
descension. .He docs not want that or your gold; he
wants recognition of his manhood. The' shop girl wants
you to honor her woiiian'iKsid ; to respect her In the task
In which she Is tolling and suffering. You can do much
to make that task easier and create an atmosphere lu
which she nnd you can move alike as members of the
same divine society and fellow soldievs under Christ.
'This brings into view the' relation of the church to
these greut social problems. You and I somehow or
other must bring the man who works with bis hands to
recognize his place, his right, his office, his calling. In
the church of God. The first business of the church
Is to place her houses of worship at the service of the
people who work with their hands and then In the life
or the church to encourage that spirit which will help
us to understand and to serve It. There Is but one way
to do that. Instead of turning to any "Ism" of the hour
or theory of social reconstruction, or any new philosophy
which undertakes to re-create society upon theories
which are essentially barbaric In their nature, you and
I must go back and look Into the face of the Master and
find lu Hlra tho secret of our service oud our triumph.
"To
II In AitMilon,
t'.iiii'." said thi visitor, "that
yo'i will have to g through life an ex-
eoi.vl-t 1"
"Wei!, miss," replied Crowbar Claule,
"to tell you the truth, Just at present.
there ain't nothing I'd like more to be."
In one respect .men are wiser tbun
women. A girl, however poor she may
be, expects to marry a prince at least
A poor man never expects to "marry a
prlmvss. .
There Is one thing that may be said
to the credit of a man: He is not ex-
Dtcted to be pretty.
ILLIMITABLE ENERGY OF THE ATOM.
By Gust ave Lebon,
Shall we some day succeed In liberating the
colossal force that lies within atoms? No one
can tell. Neither could one have told In the
time of Galvanl that the energy which was
used with dllliculty to twitch the legs of a
frog and attract small fragments of paier
one day would set in motion enormous railway
trains. Perhaps It always will be beyond our
powers completely to dissociate the atoms, be
cause the dllliculty probably would Increase as dissocia
tion advances, yet to dissociate n small part would
saftce.
It Is lu these atomic systems which were Ignored for
so long a time because of their extreme minuteness thnt
we doubtless must look for the explanation of some of
the mysteries that surround us. The infinitely little may
contain the secrets of the infinitely great. It not only
Is from a purely theoretical point of view that It is nec
"essary to study the atomic systems and the tremendous
energies that work within them, science may lie on me
eve of capturing these energies, whose existence was un
suspected, and thus render unnecessary the mining of
coal. The scion of science who finds the means of eco
nomically liberating the forces that matter contains al
most Instantly wl. change the face of the world. An
Illimitable source of energy being gratuitously nt the dis
posal of man. he would not have to procure It by severe
lalor. The poor would lie the equals of the rich, and the
social qmstlons no longer would be agitated.
YOUNG PEOPLE TRUST YOURSELVES.
By Leo Tolstoi.
Trust yourselves, youths and maidens who
are emerging from childhood, when first the
questions arise In your soul: What am 1?
Why do I exist? Why do all who surround
me exist? And chiefly most agitating of ques
tions Am I and are all nrouud me living i
we should do? Trust yourself then also when
the replies to these questions which suggest
themselves to you do not agree with those Im
pressed on you In childhood and do not agree with the
life that you and the people around you nre living.
Trust yourself when In your soul Is heard, not th
wish to excel others, to distinguish yourself from oth
ers, to lie more powerful, more Important, or more fa
mous, or to be saviors of men, freeing them from the
evil organization of life, but trust yourself when the
chief desire of your soul Is to be better yourself; I will
not say to perfect yourself, for In self-perfecting there
Is something personal, something gratifying to self-love,
but I will say, to make yourself audi as the God desires
who gave us life, to disclose In yourself the principle,
like unto Him, which Is in us, and to live "godly," aB the
IK-usants say.
WOMAN'S COQUETRY ADVANCES MANKIND.
By Paolo Lombroso,
Feminine coquetry has one capital excuse;
Its cause Is entirely masculine. For the crav
lug of women for elegance, luxury lu dress,
and their extravagance In Jewelry and othei
ornamentation are merely an outcome of their
desire to please man, to attract his attention,
aud conquer him. No wonder coquetry became
so powerful an instinct with them. It Is the
most persistent characteristic. It hardly ever
disnpie.irs. Women ought to be proud of all the trouble
they take in this matter. It Is no easy thing to dress
well. There is such a thing as martyrdom for coquetry.
Woman will smile and chatter, be graceful, and delight
everyone uroimd her, while aff the time she is suffering
tortures In her tight dress and can hardly breathe. She
does not allow anyone to discover this the strict dis
cipline to which coquetry condemns her.
The world would bo dull, sad and gloomy without co
quetry, which, In spite of a frivolous appearance, has In
troduced into social life one serious and most Important
thing the pleasure aud the happiness of living.
OLD LOVE LETTERS.
She'd been up in the attic.
This little wife of mine,
A-ruiiiinaging and tumbling.
For what I can't divine.
But suddenly I noticed
A silence weird and strange.
And wondered what had happened
To cause this pensive change.
Tot quite an hour I listened.
And then, alarmed, 1 stole
Up to the lonely chamber,
My conscience to console,
i.nd. well, would you believe it?
3 found her reading low,
J-.ve letters that I wrote her
Some fourteen years ago!
Hr foce was wreathed in blushes.
Her dreamy eyes half closed;
J3er heart was beating wildly
You'd thought I'd just proposed.
i-?r"vn round her were those tokens
Thai iime from heart to heart :
Good saints! what founts of passion,
A failed sheet will start.
-Truth
Alni At II.
'"They say that Mr. Grindly does s
jrcat deal of fancy work."
"I should say she did. When sh
can find nothing else to do, she ruf
fltu her husband's temper." Detroit
Vrce Press.
'Ill t'OOil.
"This flat Is n mere coop."
"Yes. John." su'.d bis wife sweetly,
"aud the cook has Just t!ev It" Pitts
burg Post.
It's surprising bow many clothespins
a little woman can bold lu her uiDUtn.
& He Needed Advice g
Iiilliter and Thomby went down in
the elevator together, as they general
ly did.
They were pretty chummy in the of-
3k'e, though they didn't seem to have
touch In common, Thomby being a ruth
tr spruce Individual whoso conversa
tion was mostly on the gayetles of life
and who often hi ought a aultcase to the
otllce. while Milliter was serious, pre
aiuturely bald and totally without so-
lal ambition. This particular evening,
Instead of turning south as usual, Mil
liter took his friend's arm and said he
Relieved he would walk a little way
with him.
"I wunted to ask your advice on
little matter, Thomby," he said. "That
Is, If you'll promise not to laugh at
.f."
"I hope you know me better than to
Jiink I would dream of it," said Thorn
"You know all about women," began
Blllitcr.
"Oh, come !"
"I mean you nsooJute more or less
-ritli them and know all about barn
lances and cotillons nnd tilings, and I
4iimmse vou know how to ingratiate
tourself er at least, you know how
Tou would go ubout It If you wished
to cultivate the acquaintance of any
snrth-ulnr young woman. I wouldn't,
you know. Really."
"You're Joking," said Thornby
"You're just trylug to lead me on and
Ihen you'll spring one of those gags -of
yours on me. I know you.
"1 assure you I haven't the leant In
tent Ion of such a thing," said Milliter
"I've never paid any particular atteu
Won to ladies, but I'm a you see.
don't Just know what you would cull
jHJlite attention nnd what would have
. certain signincauce.
"Which variety of attention do you
ant to pay?" asked Thornby. "Do you
want to be polite without compromls-
tag yourself?"
'I should like to make myself ngree-
ble," replied Milliter, blushing slight
ly. "I shouldn't want to be considered
ffenslve. I should like to convey the
fact that I am Interested lu a certain
person "
'See hero," said Thornby. "If you
want me to tell you am-thlna- or give
you any advice, suppose you Btop beat
ing about the bush and tell me the
whole story."
I've told you everything," sold Bil-
Ilter. It's a lady in whom I am In
terested. I may say deeply Interested.
It's rather remarkable, too, because
such a thing never happened to me be
fore. I want to know what Is usually
done In such cases."
"All sorts of fool things," said Thorn
by. "It all depends on how much of au
Idiot a mnn Is."
'I do wish that you would be serious.
It's a serious mattr to me. What first
steps would you recommend? If you
want more particulars I'l give them to
you. The lady lives In the same housu
with me and eats at the same table a
fellow boarder, in fact. She is extreme
ly attractive and received a great deal
of attention from one or two of the
other gentlemen that Is, they talk to
her a great deal and seem to seek her
society. I don't ta.H much, you know.
Mut she has been very nice to me. ' In
fact, I may say that she has shown nie
some preference. I hope that doesn't
sound vain?"
'Not a bit of It." said Thornby.
"Good for you. What more do you
want, though?"
"I want to show her as delicately as
possible to Imitate the fact is, I
get nervous and I have rather avoided
her of late. Not because I want to, but
because I am naturally bashful. And
when I say that she prefers me I don't
mean that she has a thought of any
thing but friendship. I am not so pre
sumptuous as that. But I thought I
might In time If I were careful build
she'll manage all there Is to be mnn
age'd." "Thornby," said Milliter, "I consider
that you are coarse and wholly lacking
in a fine appreciation of the nature of
a noble woman. I'm sorry I asked you
anything." With that he turned and
walked away.
Thornby was rather Inclined to be
amused, but there was a biting con
tempt in Milliter's tone that made him
angry, so he did not -apologize to Milli
ter the next morning. Milliter said
nothing to him for over a week. By
that time Thornby realized that he had
been in tho wrong nnd said so In a
manly fashion. Milliter shook his ex
tended hand cordially.
'I was coarse," said Thornby. "For
give me."
"Say no more about It, my dear fel
low," said Milliter, heartily. "I'd for
give my worst enemy the greatest crlma
ever committed, let alone a little mis
understanding like that. I'm the hap
piest, luckiest man you ever knew. I
took your advice, too."
"What?" cried Thornby.
"Yes," grinned Milliter, "you- may
congratulate me. I'm engaged." Chi
cago News.
HOW LATE IS THE UTI HL'SBASDf
on a friendship something of a more
tender nature. I did bring her some
flowers the other evenUg nnd she didn't
seem to be at all offended. I think she
was pleased. Mut I kind of hurried
away. I was afraid I had gone a little
too far. Do you think so? I'm very
much worried."
"What kind of a girl Is she? Very
young?"
Milliter cough!. "She Is not exactly
what you would call a young girl," he
Bald. "In fact, she has been married
She Is a widow. I am rather afraid
sho may be too greatly devoted to her
husband's memory ever to consider
second marriage."
"How late Is the late husband?"
"I am told tb"jt he died about three
years ago or perhaps four."
"Excuse me for a moment," said
Thornby. "I'll overtake you." He bur
rled away and disappeared in a door
way."
Thornby emerged presently with
lighted cigarette and a composed face.
lie was Bllent until Milliter again
asked him what ho should do.
"Do?" said Thornby. "Don't you do
anything. You leave it all to her. If
shs's a widow of that long standing
Helping; Illm Oat.
Mr. Lord looked so grave one even
ing that his wife a very young one
noticed it, and asked what was the mat
ter.
"I suppose business Is troubling you,"
she surmised, shrewdly. "If you're
struck a snag, why don't you tell me,
and perhaps I may be able to help
you."
After more affectionate adjuration
Lord admitted that his pay-roll botherV
ed him.
"I've made It up as fur as the work
men go," he said, "but If I pay the
stenographer there won't be a penny
left for Davis and me. Davis says
he can't stand that; ho must have some
money this month."
Lord's wife was momentarily grave
then her face hrlgthcned.
"Why don't you give the stenog
rapher a month's vacation?'' she sug
gested, eagerly. "Then divide what
there Is with Davis. It seems to me,"
Judicially, "that would be fair all
around.
Intellectual Improvement.
"Elsie says she is going to improve
her mind and join a Mrownlng class."
"What ou earth made her think of
that?"
"She has to make some sacrifices, you
know, this lent, nnd It was either Join
ing the Mrownlng class or giving up
chocolate caramels, and she wasn't re
ally equal to that." Baltimore Ameri
ca u.
What Cured llli Cold.
Hicks I see your cold Is better this
morning.
Wicks Yes. and I believe I've dis
covered a Bine remedy for colds.
Ilieks- What Is it?
Wicks A collar button. I swallovr
ed one last night in mistake for
quinine pill. The Catholic Standard
and Times.
A Bait.
Mrs. A. (over phone) Can you eend
me up' a cook to-day, Mr. Dwyer? Head
of Intelligence Office Sorry I can't a(
commodate you, Mrs. A., but we have
only one in the otllce. Mrs. A. But
why mayn't I have her? Head of In
telligence Office Oh, we have to keep
ber as s sample! Harper's Weekly.