Nebraska Newspapers

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pismHtmeL Mir
WE NEED INTELLECTUAL ATHLETES.
By Prot. Woodrow Wilson.
I rejoice to sec tnnnunl training recognized
as pnrt of the liberal education. No one can
doubt that It has played n large part In
placing this country In Its present position.
And America camtvit afford to overemphasize
liny one feature of its education. It cannot
attain Its industrial supremacy unless Its
lads are taught srIII In handicraft as well
as In letters. Americans must not have the
narrowness, the provincialism, of being able to do only
one tiling. They must be uble to turn their hands to
anything; that comes into their natural workshops.
There Is a lot of nonsensical talk about education.
People too often ask of pome branch of education: "Is
It practical? Can It bo used in business?" All educa
tion Is practical. You want your boys to go Into the
gymnasium to build up their muscles, but you don't
ask them If they Intend to do the double trapeze with
their business partners In their otllces. What we need
are schools where there Is a complete system and no
muscle of bdy or mind is laid Idle at the expense of
another. '
THE ARISTOCRACY OF THE FUTURE.
By Andrew Carnegie.
These questions are always before
tis: "Is man retrograding or ad
vancing? Is he becoming purer,
tmhler Ts lip devotlnsr more unci
fraSj "tfJ i..' more of his time
neneui JL ins it'iiuwa iiim uiuihiii
less and less of himself? Is the
i i . l. . t . 1, i I ..!.,. n. .
jjT C''Vs knowledge that we
with somewhat different toys?"
What a man was by birth used to
be the ruling consideration and is
so in some countries yet, but Is
constantly growing less Important
ANDREW CARNEGIE.
Wherever our tongue Is spoken it Is rapidly vanishing.
It was displaced for another test what u man owned,
and the millionaire was ennobled, for the rule of those
that stood upon birth, the first test, has always been
that enormous wealth should be drawn into their ranks.
This alliance of birth and wealth is being displaced in
HAIL TO OUR COUNTRY.
Across the land from strand to strand
Loud ring the bugle notes.
And freedom's Binile, from isle to isle,
Like freedom's banner floats.
One song the nations hail the notes
From sounding sea fo sea.
And answer from their thrilling throats
The song of liberty i
They answer and an echo comes
From chained and troubled Isles,
And roars like ocean's thunder drums
Where glad Columbia smiles.
Hail to our country ! Strong she stands,
Nor fears the war drum's beat;
The sword of freedom in her hands.
The tyrant at her feet.
Frank L. Stanton.
WHEN HE GOT HOME
The lately acquired suit case actual
ity belonging to l'urkln Jones was lying
ion Its glossy, bright, yellow side, just
as it had been dropped, with the niore
familiar scuffed family vi.lise, between
the dining table and the wall, In defi
ance of all rules o f order. Turkiu
ijoues' new derby hat reposed on tlu
table-cloth. Parkin Jones himself was
pinned In the faded morris chair wltli
the comfortably broken springs by
young Parkin and Lauretta, who were
crumpling all shape out of his smart
new suit. Baby Jones was gnaw
ing at the extended tip of his
patent-leather shoe, unregarded by
his fond mother, who, flushed with tha
glow of the recklessly flaring gas log,
nt at Jones' feet with one plump hand
on kfl unoccupied part of his knee.
"You looked so grand coming along
we hardly knew you," said Mrs. Jones,
with a loving little pat on the burden
ed knee.
Jones smiled complacently. "Pretty
swell guy, ain't 1?" he said. "Ouch!
JIow many new teeth has that Infant
accumulated since I've been gone? Quit
It, you skeezieks! What makes him
so fond of shoes, I wonder."
"It's the blacking," explained young
Jones. "It's got sweet in It. I tasted
It."
"I knowded you. papa," snld Lau
retta, burrowing Into his shoulder with
her curly head. "I knowded you dens
ye moment I saw you."
"Did yon. sweetness?" asked Jones,
hugging her. "Well, tell me what's
been hapo'.iing, mother."
"There's three new puppies over
at " began the boy.
"Hush!" said his mother, raising a
warning finger. "Let your father talk.
My! nobody can get a word In edge
ways. You've got to tell first, father.
Tell us all r.bout everything."
"Tell us!" begged the chorus.
"f'nn't vou wait?" asked Jones.
"Aren't you going to give me time to
get my breath?"
"No!" as the shouted reply.
"Very well, theii." said Jones. "I
started last Monday week, went away,
away off to Pittsburg, and got safely
back home five minutes ago. Now tell
me about the puppies son."
"There's three of them "
"pes iv cute?" added Lauretta.
"Children!" said Mrs. Jones. "Wult
now. We'll hear all about the pup
pies biter on. I want to hear what
your inagnllieant father has boon doing
with himself. I have my suspicious."
Joiws pinched her cheek.
"Tell me, dear, did everything go all
right?"
"Smooth as velvet," replied Jones.
"There wasn't any work to It hardly.
It was Just as a pleasure Jaunt regu
lar Junket the whole time. Private car
folng down."
"What!" ejaculated Mrs. Jones.
That's what I'm telling you. Why
wfeat did you think? Do you suppose
tnat tint reat aud only Bunnerly was
our day by what a man knows, a fit successor In the
march of progress, and an Infinitely higher and juster
standard then birth, rank or wealth.
It Is not, however, that a man knows 1 lint Is to be
the final step; In the future the question Is neither to bo
how a man was born, how great his wealth nor even
what he knows, but. how he serves his fellow men. Hero
Is the flue, the final, aristocracy' which never can be
displaced not what he does for himself, but what he
does for others.
JIISGUIIED 1I0THER-L0VE.
By Domtliy Di.
I wr '"r
hall like
thing and everybody give way to their children women
are not consciously trespassing on other people's rights.
They are simply so besotted with affection that they ran
not Imagine any one not enjoying being trampled upon
by their dear little Dickey.
Uncomfortable as this misguided mother-love makes
the world for those of us who are forced to become tu
willing and struggling victims to our friends' children,
the chief curse descends upon the child himself, lie
has been taught to be greedy, overbearing, selfish, and
that he occupies the center of the stage, Hiid It takes
many a hard knock from experience to teach him what a
very insignificant pebble he Is on the beach.
More than that, it is n hard saying, but worthy of
all acceptance, that misguided mother-love ( Is nt the
bottom of most of the failures. A woman's idea of love
is softness and ease. Her conception of the law to
prepare her children for the stern battle of life Is to
protect them from any hardships as long as she can,
which is as sensible as it would be to train a prize
fighter by bating him loll around on silk cushions and
eat chocolate creams. A mother washes and scrubs and
cooks that her daughters may keep their hands soft and
white, and she takes In boarders that her sons may play
on football tenuis In colleges Instead of doing some sort
of honest work, Hiid the net results are the trifling, use
less women nad the dissipated young men that cover the
earth.
nnd means for the
are all members
goiug to travel like ordinary mortals
in Just a common ordinnry Pullman?
Well, I guess not. I hardly think he
would hnve requested Parkin Jonos,
esquire, to give him the pleasure of
his company if ho hadn't teen pre
pared to do the thing in the style to
which the Honorable Parkin Jones bus
been accustomed."
Jones chuckled at this Joke, and Mrs.
Jones Joined In heartily. The children
went into shouts of laughter, whereat
Jones and Mrs. Jones laughed the
more.
"Private car," resumed Jones; "pri
vate cook, private porter and Burmer
ly's own private vallay."
"Was he nice to you?" asked Mrs.
Jones, rather anxiously.
"The vallay? Well, yes, considering
his position. He unbended quite a lit
tle." "Goose! I mean Mr. Burmerly."
"Treated me like a prince. I hadn't
any Idea he could be so nice. He's all
right, for all that hang-you-don't-you-
dare-to presuuie way he's got. Once or
twice he was almost Jolly. Yes, It was
'anything you want, touch the button,
and th meals we got on that trip!
Whew! Game, fish, steaks three Inch
es thick and say! I never knew
there were such steaks. And I ate
right with his imperial nibs."
"I Blif.uld think you did!" said Mrs.
Jones, with a flash In her pretty dark
eyes. "The Idea!"
"I dlfln't know but he'd give me n
handout on the rear platform," said
Jones, Jocularly. "Aud I met all man
ner of magnates."
"I'm Co glad you got that suit," mur
mured Mrs. Jones.
"It did happen pretty well, didn't H?
Made nie feel good, too. Two bonis
t'j get teady wasn't much notice, eh?"
"I should think not. Then you think
he liked "
"I know he did. As I say, there
wasn't much work to do, tnke It all
round; but once or twice I had to bus
tle. The old gentleman's a fiend for
setting a pace, but when we got through
he gave quite a successful imitat'on of
a smile. . 'We cleaned that up In pretty
good fcliape,' he says. 'Jones, how long
hnve you been with us?' And wuon (
told him ho says, 'Hah!' and looked
thoughtful. Another time he said : 'I
don't seem to miss Uldgeiy nt all.' "
'Really ?"
"Honest. And when we met Gib
buns at Hookerburg, he introduced me
as if I had been an old friend of his
and begun to talk business right away.
Gibbuns raised his eyebrows and sort
of looked at me and iliinuerly id,
'You can talk before Mr. Jones.' You
see I'm Ituriiic rly's confidential man."
"You ought to have said, 'Yes, I'm
paid well to be trusted S'J."i a week.' "
"I know that's what I should have
s;ad,' said Jones, smiling. "Hut I have
a foolish streak once In a while. I just
kept my head closed. But I have what
Is known as a hunch."
"Papa," said Jones, Junior, "thos?
puppies "
parkin!" said his mother.
"We stopped at the Gibbuns mansion
palace lu Clydale uutonioblled out
there, and if you had seeu my room!
Such a magnificence ! Bugs so thick
and soft it was like walkiug on I don't
know what Furniture! Gorgraus
bathroom with silver faucets and pier
glasses. Servants aud flunkies and ta
ble cloths with laee edges and china
"DID EVEBYTIIIXO CO AIX HIOIIT?"
that soared me to death. Man came up
We tall; about the unselfishness of mother
love. In reality- It is the must selfish thing
on earth. No mother ever slops to consider
other people's rights where her children are
concerned. There is probably no mother alive
who doesn't think that It is an actual rtit
...... . 1 ...... II ...til. ! 1!..
l'tf'e Johnny shriek up and down the
a young Comanche. In making every
to know If he could help me dress. Oh,
maybe I wasn't treated well! I saw
Kidgely's wife. Style!"
"What did she wear?" asked Mrs.
Jones, looking down at her own bargain
silk waist.
"Don't ask me," replied Jones.
"Suppose some day we had all those
things," mused Mrs. Jones. "If Mr.
Burmerly has taken such a fancy to
you he'll give you something better now.
and then What a beautiful time
you must have hud!"
"The darndest, most uncomfortable
time I ever had in my life," said Jones.
"Here, I want my old coat nnd r'ip'pers
my old slippers. Get off me, you
scaramouches. Mother, what have you
got the cloth laid for? You don't mean
to say you are going to feed me!
What's for supper?"
"I suppose after all tho lovely things
you've been "
"What's for supper?' reiterated
Jones, embracing her.
"It's it's Irish stew," faltered Mrs.
Jones.
Jonea took his hat from the table,
threw It In the air and dexterously
caught It. "Hooray!" he cried, "I
thought of It, but I hardly dared hope
for It. Now I'll have a square meal at
last. Children, leave my legs a'one.
Let's all go out to the kitchen nnd help
mother. There's no place like home.
Irish stew!" Chicago Daily News.
IllKtorlc Mii Hume Sold.
The historic Ship house nnd a part
of the Johnson homestead on German-
town avenue north of Washington lane
have been sold to James J. Allen, a
builder. Workmen will start to raze
the once famous hostelry, which has
stood for more than a century. Mr.
Allen will preserve the old stone car-'
lug of a ship which was built In the
gable end of the house and gave the
place its name. This will be presented
to one of the historical societies.
These properties bear marks of bul
lets fired during the revolutionary war,
the battle of Gerniantown having been
fought there. The Johnson homestead
has been In the family imsscssion since
the time of William IVmi, from whom
they hold the original grant. The Ship
house has seen many changes of own
ership, fine of the earliest owners was
Captain Darien. an old skipper, who
placed the carving of the ship In posl
tlon. When Captain Dnrleu died the
heirs sold tho place to Jacob Peters,
who conducted u line of stage coaches
and made this a stopping place. When
Peters died the place was sold to Jas,
Ford, who opened n private school
there. He died and the heirs contem
plated selling it for use as an insane
asylum. .Vl'lie Bock I us family owned
the adjoining property aud objected, so
were compelled to buy the place. It
was again turned Into a hotel and re
mained so until the elder Bockius wus
killed by a horse about sixty years ago,
Mr. Allen will build sixty-eight
houses on tho site. Philadelphia Led
gor.
l-'rovt of KroNlrd I'ualaU,
'!'! rage for picture Mistal cards Is
now so universal that an item from
Germany concerning the prohibition of
cards ornamented by the addition of
mineral dust is of general interest. It
is said that th scintillating materials
gci into the lungs of mall handlers
nnfl also cuts their lingers. In view' of
the regulations adopted by tho Postal
L'niou convention the circulation of po
tal cards bearing scintillating material
must therefore be considered us prohib-
ltod. livening Wisconsin.
Having broken the women of tho
habit of keeping their huts on iu the
theater, the reformers should go after
tho young girls wliu wear such big
bows of. such wldo ribbons on their
heads that the man behind feels as If
he Is peering over the ribbon counter
at a dry goods store.
Occasionally a man puts his best
foot forward for the purpose of regis
tering a kick.
THE MAN WHO DOES THE WORK.
This life is a strain and a struggle;
We are born to n world of care.
And of all. flic scurries and woes r.nd
worries
I've find a bit more than my share.
It's Idle to say that it's oven.
And there's no such thing as chance.
Though one has trouble, another has
double ;
One scrapes for the other to dance.
And some they whine and they whim
per
That's the kind Hint will never be
missed.
For honest labor there's always a neigh
bor
To lend him a helping fist.
This much I have learned for lay com
fort ;
It's never worth while to shirk:
Slow east, blow west, the world w.irs
best
For the man who does his work.
Century.
rrrp IIKKK was an assortment of
widows nt Mrs. Lancy's genteel
boarding house. There were
widows by the dispensation of Provi
dence, and widows by the dispensation
of the courts. The melancholy style
was represented by Mrs. Floron. tall.
willowy, dieaway, always in deepest
black. There was Mrs. Ford, plump
and comely; Mrs. Terry, black-eyed
nnd handsome; a Dakota divorce
Mrs. Small dried up, elderly, cross as
her own pug; Mrs. - Von Glurniu. a
mountain of too solid flesh, addicted to
beer, and Mrs. Mayne, stately and
white-haired, with patrician features.
"Broken-down Virginia aristocracy,
my dear," whispered Mrs. Twitty, the
gossiping widow, who was acquainted
with the skeleton In everybody's closet.
"Her estate has all melted away, and
i mm.
MARRIED QUIETLY TWO WEEKS IATIIR.
she is living on the proceeds or, the
last mortgage, until the little ch:t or
a daughter gets a place as a teacher.
Pity she Isn't handsome like her moth
er; she might marry a lot of money if
she was."
There were plenty of people who
thought Uuth Mayne more attractive
than her mother. A "dainty ariel" kind
of girl was Uuth, with a wondertuily
sweet voice, a wild rose complexion,
and a gracious manner, touched, how
ever, with reserve.
"A china saucer of ice cream sweet
but chilly," was what Harry Todd
styled her after he had tried Ills fasci
nating powers upon her In vain.
One day Mrs. Small fell sick. leing
a disagreeable old woman, with a
wheezing cough, and fearfully stingy,
nobody bothered about her attack,
which was sahrto be pneumonia. No
body mounted to the little hall room
which sha occupied because it was
cheap nobody but Uuth's mamma and
Ruth.
Mrs. Mayne was benevolent on prin
ciple. It was the duty of n lady to lm
Ind, she said. She went up cO the
hall room, which she seemed to fill
with lier stately presence, and asked
Mrs. Small if she could be of any ser
Tlco to her. The sick woman answer
ed sharply that she didn't want any
service. She wished people wouiU let
her alone. Whereupon Mrs. Mayne
bowed her fine gray head and went
out.
Uuth was going, too; she looked
back and saw the poor old civntui'o
make an effort to bring a g.'ars of
water to her lips anil spill half Its eon
tents through the shaking of hop fever
ed hafld. The girl went to the bedside,
wiped tho coverlet dry with a towel
and gave the old lady crushed lee with
a spoon. She got no thanks, but she
exiH'cted none. She moved about iu a
quiet way and straightened tilings In
the disordered little room. She drew
down the blinds, laid a cool cloth on
the patient's head and sat by the bed.
Mrs. Small fell asleep something she
had not done for twenty-four hours.
After a while Uuth rose softly to go
out.
"You're In a powerful hurry to get
away," said a voice from the bed.
Ruth understood that Mrs. Small will
ed her to stay, aud stay she did.
Mrs. Small had for her doctor a-, old
pract'tloner, solemn and gruff, who funl
been her family physician in the days
when she had u family. But th day
after Uuth was self-installed as nur.ie,
Dr. Crosby sent Ills yniin; pavtwr to '
look after the case iu tic De Laneey !
pension. Dr. Wilniot found Until'
Mayno on her knees dre-vdng a busier .
with Mrs. Small scolding ami il.tcla-lng
that the girl was Just trying to hurt
her. Uuth, half crying, looked as
the doctor entered, ami ccught the
conipruhoiidlng. sympathetic twinkle lu
his eye. She smiled and they under-
stood each other at once.
The young doctor got into the good
paces of the patient. Ho ha. I the
sympathetic yet commanding manner,
the strong face, the magnetic touch and
the wholesome physique of the born
physician.
"Tell Crosby to stay and send you,"
aid taa blunt old woman altur his first
Tlalt
J I L
i i Mrs. Small's Doctor l
ill
3W -Y2
i j Iff w
Wilniot must have delivered the mes
sage, for the case was turned over to
hlni thereafter. He gave It a groat
deal of attention. Ho came twice a
day, and he was not particular f cut
his visits short. He continued to call
after the old lady wns sitting up nnd
had an nppettle thnt appalled the land
lady. Then he found ids way to Mrs.
Mayne's little parlor, and soon alt the
house knew that Dr. Wilniot was Buth
Mayne's leau.
"So this was the secret of Mis le
mure's kind nursing," said Mrs. Twit
ty spitefully. "I wondered how It was
she was devoting herself to a cross old
woman as ioor as a churcU mouse. She
was laying for the doctor."
One day Mrs. Small sent for Dr.
Wilniot and paid her bill. As lie was
going away she asked, abruptly:
"When are you nnd Huth Mayne going
to lie married?"
Tho young doctor blushed and said :
"Not Just yet, Mrs. Small In fact,
not for a long time."
"Why a long time, pray? Iong en
gagements are no good."
"Some! lines they are a necessity," he
replied. "I have Just started out in
my profession. 1 must earn and save
money before I marry. I would like
to take my wife to n home of our own."
"Humph! You are sensible there,"
said the old lady. "But I'll tell you
how It will end. You'll get on; you've
got It In yon, and you'll please the
women. You'll come Into a fashion
able practice; then you'll marry a rich
widow or a wealthy brewer's daughter,
and Uuth Mayne will bo left In the
lurch."
"linth Mayne will never be left by
me," answered the doctor, flushing In
dignantly. "We will keep faith with
each other until the time when 1 can
make her my wife."
'Hum! We'll see!" sniffed the old
lady. "Come back to-morrow, Dr. Wll
inot. and bring your stethoscope. I
want you to examine my heart," she
called out after him when he had step
ped out and wns closing the door be
hind him.
"As If she had a heart!" commented
Mrs. Twitty, who accidentally (?) hap
IK'iied to be In the hall near Mrs.
Small's door.
When Dr. Wilniot came the following
day, Mrs. Small had Uuth Mayne with
her. She had him sit down by his
Hancce ; then she took a legal looking
paper from the table and addressed
them.
"Since you two have been Idiots
enough to engage yourselves to niorry,
I don't want you to be still greater
foo'.s and go and stretch the engage
ment out until it's In danger of break
ing. Ills excuse Is he must earn a'
home to tako his wife to. Well, I've
got a house or two more than I need;
so here's a deed to one of them a
snug little house In a good neighbor
hood. It's made out in your Joint
names. Take It and get married at
once nnd so to housekeeping. No, don't
thank me; I despise thanks; and don't
fix your mouths to refuse. People of
sense take all that comes. Take It,
and good luck go with you ! All I ask
is that you'll keep your mouths shut
about it. I don't want theso women
i,ore to know I'm not a pauper. They'd
be toadying to me Twitty and the rest
and I'd have to leave."
One evening, two weeks later, Uuth
Mayne was married quietly In her
mother's little sitting room, Mrs. Small
giving away the bride.
They went at onco to housekeeping
In the little house, which they found
neatly furnished nnd ready for occu
pancy. Philadelphia Bulletin.
ioll Iludona Win the liny.
The flaxen-haired baby girl knelt bo
side its mother on the seat of n Sixth
avenue elevated car and while tho
mother read an evening poK'r tho
youngster flattened its noso against the
window and ga.ed In silent wonder nt
the houses flying by.
A fireman hi uniform entered the car
at 5!lth street and sut n few feet from
the baby. Flaxcuhair straightway de
serted the joys of tho passing show
to climb on hands and knees over to
the. great wonders of tho fireman's un
form. As the 11 renin n put his arm
around the child and began to talk baby
talk to It. the grin of pleasure on his
face outshone the gleam of his nockel
buttons. The mother saw that the
baby was iu good hands and with a
smile turned again to her paper.
At -ld street a fat police sergeant
entered and sat between Flaxenhalr
and Its mother. The child with a crow
of delight Instantly deserted the fire
man for the more splendid white and
gold cap snd gold buttons of the -sergeant
and climbed nlxiard his knee.
The humble fireman sat glumly with
lowered head and scowled at the floor,
New York Sun.
I'.uny Anauer,
A Liverpool paper tells the pathetic
st cry of one A., who Is comicllcd to
grow n beard to ward off pneumonia
nnd other Ills. The woman with whom
he has fallen in love, however, declines
to marry him unless he will shave.
"What," asks our contemporary,
"should A. iloV" Tho answer seems
easy ; Keep the beard and cut the
woman.
rritlinolr He Mid.
This was the way u native physl
i Ian lu India tilled out a death cert in
cite: "1 am or a mind that be died
(or lost his life) for want or foodlngs
or on account of starvation. Maybe
also for other things for comfortables,
j mid most probably lie died by drown,
! lug."
Maklnic Amend.
Mamma -Hero ionics your father.
See how cross you ve made hlni. Now,
gcj and tell liliu you're sorry. .
Tommy -Say. p-.p, I'm sorry you're
hi blamed cross. Philadelphia ledger,
' Wliy Slit- Took Hint
: Mother Why did you accept Charlie
, from among all the young ncu who
) have paid you attention? Daughter
pecauso lie was the only one that had
the good taste to propose.
A fool can talk without knowing what
he ought to say, but a wise man's si
lence Is due to his knowing what he
ought not to say.
A prstty girl usually baa plain tall-tug.
an o o
Sbort Q. torles
t 4
j,, . J. X it, .1, .t, rl- .t. .1. .1, .fc. ... Jul. J. fc .1. A .1, A L .ii Mi A.Tm
r f I 1 l"l'T I 'I I I I 'I1 'I I I I I I TT r I T I T
A Wall ttreet man onco suddenly
evinced a great Interest In nautical
matters, and despite his Inexperience
was made the commodore of a yacht
club in Maine, One day the newly
fledged yachtsman shouted to an ofllcer
of a certain craft: "Have you weighed
anchor?" "Yes, sir." "Then," thun
dered tho new commodore, "why tho
deuce don't you announce the weight?"
Richard Mansfield contributes an an
ecdote to the old question of the san
ity of Hamlet, says tho Chicago Chron
icle. "One morning in the West," he
said, "I met a young friend and askeil
hlni where he had been the night be
fore. " 'I went,' my young friend re
plied, 'to see So-nndSo's Hamlet.'
"'Aha. did you?' said I. 'Now, telL
ine do you think Hamlet was mad?' '
" 'I certaluly do, replied he. 'There,
wasn't $100 In the house.' "
At a literary club In Boston one
night, there wns nn encounter between
a Bostonlan, professing a love of art
for art's sake, and F. Marlon Crawford
the novelist. In a slightly patronizing
manner the Boston man asked. "Have
you over aspired to write anything, Mr.
Crawford, that will live after you arc
gone?" "My dear, sir," replied Craw
ford, with n broad smile, "my prin
cipal effort Just now Is to write some
thing that will enable me to live while
I n in here."
There was once a funeral-lu Nebras
ka nnd the preacher who had been
asked to deliver the eulogy was a
stranger In town aud did not know
the departed sister. So, after he had
said all that he could, he suggested that
If anybody else could sny a few words
about the poor dead lady It would be
well. Three or four made appropriate
remarks. Then there wus a pause.
t lust the old brother arose and said;
"Well, If we're nil through speaking
about the departed sister, I will now
make a few brief remarks on the
tariff."
A thief broke into a millionaire's
mansion early the other morning and
found himself lu tho music room. Hear
ing footsteps approaching, ho took
refuge behlud a screen. From 8 to 0
o'clock tho eldest daughter had a sing
ing lesson. From 0 to 10 o'clock the
second daughter took a piano lesson.
From 10 to 11 o'clock the eldest bou
hud a violin lesson. From 11 to 12
o'clock the other sou had a lesson on
the flute. At 12 :15 all the brothers nnd
sisters assembled aud studied an ear-
spllttlng piece for voice, piano, violin,
and flute. The thief staggered out from
behind the screen at 12:43 and falling
at their feet, cried: "For heaven's Bake,
have me arrested I"
FREAK POTATO.
Frlnhtena Farmer Who Thought It
Waa a Itattleanake.
"Snakes!" shouted II. E. King, of
Harbor Beach, as he dropped his spade
and I oat a hasty hotfoot out of bis gar
deu yesterday morning.
"Kuttier, sure enough!" exclaimed
Harvey Bassett, 12 years old, as he
hastily mounted to the roof of the
woodshed.
But the squirming twisting object
that dropped from the older man's
spade lay quietly In tho grass where It
hud rolled aud showed no signs of
life.
About that time several neighbors,
attracted by the noise, arrived on the
scene, and occupying various places of
vantage on the fence and side lot, be
gan to pass Judgment on the queer
thing that poked Its nose so thrent
eningly from the edge of the lettuce
patch.
A scientific apiicarlng gentleman from
the east, from a safe distance, predict
ed it was a snail he had seeu many
of them before of such size but he
modestly retired when asked to inves
tigate.
A westerner was sure It was a rat
tler. "See." said he, "It is all curled
up ready to strike I know 'em."
"Will you kill It for us, please?"
usked a fair maid with plaintive voice,
"Er r, sure, with pleasure urn but
you see, I must go to town at once,"
and ho decamped lu a hurry to tho
fence and paused a moment.
After an hour n youth, braver than
the rest, volunteered to kill tho
"bcost."
Approaching cautiously with a rake
he struck the intruder a violent blow
and then with a stilled laugh turned It
over with a stick.
"What is It?" whispered tho maid.
"Potato!" chirped the youngster.
"rotator ecuoeu an in cnoriis as
they gathered uround.
And it was a potato, sure enough
one of the most ieeullar potatoes ever
seen nnd a very freakish one but still
a potato.
The twisting object circling around It
Is a heavy wire spring about un eighth
of an Inch thick.
Evidently the seed sprouted between
one of the spirals of the spring which
lay upright In the ground, and as the
lHitato grew it followed the wire
around.
A remarkable feature of the freal
,
Is the pressure wlilcli It exerted on
the spring on I he second turn
strong man cannot pull the spring out
of shape, but the potato forced tills
part an Inch out of place.
Tho entire hislory of Its growth I
recorded ou file spring, which nIiow
by tho force exerted on tt wuich way
the potato grew and where It started.
The foliage reached the surface
of
the ground through the ti p part of the
spring. Detroit I-'ree Press.
Gray Kurorlartl by "t'.Wigy,"
A small pamphlet, sojd originally at
12 cents, brought $.'0 recently lu Lon
don. It wus a first edition of the
"Elegy Written lu a Country Church
yard."
Gray was utterly bewildered by tho
suceasa which attended the publication
of lils "Elegy." It ran through four
editions In two months, and six ot'ie"
editions siteodily followed.
Kre the poem was ten years old It
had been reprinted in' several evic
tions of verse. In numerous magazines'
and twice translated Into Latin.
All tills amazed the author beyond
measure, and when the Scottish poet
Benttle sought his permission to pre
pare an edition for Lie northern king
dom he, In giving his consent, warned
his admirer of the risk the publisher
would take, for a Lo.ndon bookseller
had "glutted the town" with two edi
tions of 1,500 nnd 750 copies.
Beattle ond the Scottish publisher
went their way, however, and the edi
tion sold so quickly that Gray was em
barrassed by an offer of a present of
books In recompense for his cejiscnt.
"I cannot figure to myself," he wrote,
"' ow It can be worth his while to offer
me such a present."
lie never accepted nny cash paynier.
for his poems. He held It was be
neath his dignity as a gentleman to bar
ter his writings for money, nud, o"
course, the publishers were glad t'
oblige li tin by respecting such a con
venient scruple. To one of those pub
lishers Dodsley this mennt a cm:-.
fortable profit of ?.",ni)0 from the
Elegy" alone. Tho Bookman.
A TABLE OF KHASTTEES.
She had visited for the first timo thy
home of the merry-eyed Irishman who
did odd Jobs at her place. As she was
leaving sho tripped over a baby, nnd
recovered her balance by clutching a
boy's shoulder, while two little girls
bumped heads over tho privilege of re
storing a fallen glove.
"How many children have you, Den
nis?" sho asked, laughing. '
"Not so many as ye'dl think, ma'am."
answered Dennis, niohgetically. " 'Tis
tho scrambling and tumbling of thini
desayes the eye. There's no more nv
thlm than oncet nromul the table and
little felly or so left over atlng on
the durestep."
"But how ninny Is that?" she persist
ed. Dennis smiled a wide, cheerful
smile.
"Slvln, Is It? No. I'm thinking It's
Ilivln. No, It can't lie Illvin, becauso
It's short we are ylt of the Wlddy Ma-
honey's number, nnd that's Illvin, ac
cording to the brag of her. Well, may-
bo 'tis nine, but nnnyways 'tis onctt
around the table and two on the dnre
stcp." "That's a hew way to reckon," said
tho visitor.
By no manes, ma'aui," asserted Den
nis. '"Twns me grandmother's befure
me. Me grandmother . hud twliity-one
children befure she died, aud knpe the
count av thlm all ns they came along,
and which was dead nnd which living
and which wuz Immigrated she niyer
cud do it, small blame to her, .nor me
grandfather, ayther. So they tuk to
counting by tnblefuls. 'Twaa but a
rltnnant of the family and rale lone-sonie-llke
they felt thhuselves with on'y
oncet around ; oncet wld a stool or two
exthra and the small chlldher In laps
was betther; twleet around was fuir;
and wld three full settings and clear
ings, me grandmother wild . sum He
acrost the taypot, and then sigh and
say considering-like:
"If on'y thlm that's In Anieriky was
wld us the day. It's a foine family I'd
be having to satisfy mo ould eyes. Ah.
well, sorra an empty seat may there
bo In hlvln !'
"Sho wns n foine woman, mo grand.
mother ; but I can't consnte niesllf she'd
think me little family here niiiiythlng
to brag of till we can reckon oursllve
beyant oncet around." Youth's Com
panion.
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Man)' Xauici Preserved to I'onterlly
by Trivial Clrcumatancea.
Many names, Illustrious and other
wise, liovo lieen rescued from oblivion
by comparatively trivial circumstances.
Tho story goes that Brougham, o;
being rallied by tho Iron Duke as 'u
man whoso name would go down to
posterity ns a great lawyer, states
man, etc., but who would nevertheless
be best known by tho name of tho
carriage that had been christened af
ter hi m, retorted that the duke's name
would no doubt lie handed down to pos
terity ns that of-a great general and
tho hero of a hundred battles, but tla.it
he would be best remembered by a par
ticular kind of boot named after hlni.
The cobbler who, after the Welling
ton boot appeared, seized upon the idea
of placing ii Blucher boot upon the
market, made a large fortune I here
from.
Sailors will never let die Admiral
Vernon's nickname of "(lid Grog", (so
called by reason of tho breeches, he
wore, made of grogham, a mixture of
silk and mohair), the name given by
them to the rum that he ordered to be
diluted witli water. The name of au-
other drink negus has survived from
the time of Queen Anne, when It was
the favorite of one Col. Negus. More
common thun either, however, is the
name "sandwich," in memory of Lord
Sandwich, who invented it as a means
of taking a hasty lunch while engaged
lu his duties at tlio admiralty oil Ice.
Certain towns and districts, too,
such as Xeres, Oporto, Champagne
and Burgundy, are probably best
known through .the productions named
after them ; In fact, the two latter pro
vinces ceased to exist after the sub
stitutions of departments for the old
provinces before the days f the French,
revolution. Cayenne is undoubtedly
known better outside Franco for tho
pepper It produces than for being a
locality to which French convicts are
transported ; while the town of Cognac,
In France, owes its celebrity solely to
the brandy disillled from its grapes.
I'rmliilur AlucaKles.
"Yes, dear. I was married last mouth.
I'd like you to cull on me aud see the
pretty little flat 1 have."
"I've seen hliu, my dear!" Life..
Look ou tho bright side : If a woman.
Is a poor cook, they are not bothered
much at her bouse with people who
come to stay to meals.
When you do Just exactly what you
want, (lout deuiaud credit for doing It'