IIUMOROFTIIE WEEK
BTORIE3 TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OP THE PRESS.
Odd, Cnrlcn and Langtiahle rbase tit
Human Natnre Graphically Portray
d by 1 ntinent Word Artiata of Out
Own Day-.A. Bad gat of Fan.
"I'm Tory sorry, mndam," ald tho
tiew boarder, "but I hove arranged to
leave at tho end of tho week."
"Indeed r rejoined the landlady.
Are you going to leave the city?"
"Ob, no," replied the n. b. "I'm mere
ly making a change on account of the
vater."
"Why, what' wrong with tlo water
lerwT queried the landlady.
"It's Impure," answered the other. "I
frequently detect a slight flavor of cof
fee In It"
Prom Old Kontork.
Btubb There goeg the Kentucky
BolneL He certainly loves hlw corn.
I'enn I should any so. Why, he
ren Tides a cob.
Ill Lark of Appreciation.
Auntie Llngerlong There, there I
Btop crying, Willie, and Til kiss you
gain.
Willie Aw, that's what I'm crying
bout !
Drrond the I.lmlt.
Mrs. .Taggsby I like to see a mnn ap
preciate his borne all right, hut my
fcusband suits me a little too well In
that rcHpoet.
Mrs. Neighbors Why, how's that?
Mr Jnggsby Sometimes he stays
ut all night to brag about what a hap
py home he has.
Pacta In the Imt,
The One And you say this horse
tiasn't any faults?
The Other Not a single fault.
The One But he appears to be blind
Jn h!s right eye.
The Other Well, that's not his
fault; it's his misfortune.
Explanation.
llafker So Flltlclgh's new airship
Brent up In smoke, eh?
Parker Tea But It couldn't have
VSone otherwise under the circum
stances. Ilarkcr" IIow's that?
Parker He made the tent In Pltts
'turg. SaKireated.
Mrs. Goodwin I don't know what I
un going to do with that boy of mine,
tie's never satisfied to remain one place
ifor any length of time,
i Mr. Wlserly Why don't you make a
ttfethcdlst minister of him?
Vnneceamary.
"But," protested the lady, "this flat
rfcas no closets."
"All the flats In this building are
without closets,' answered the agent
jPTney are Intended for families with
wrat skeletons."
And Not In Sport Alona.
Gladys Sweet But the other team
Aoesn't admit the possibility of do
feat
' Jack Fullback That's proper. It
fnay be all right to know when you're
fceaten, but It's a great mistake to find
it out too soon.
i
Making- a lilt.
. Biggs Did Delimiter muke a hit In
tds new play last night?
Dlggs No, I think the hit was made
toy some one located In the gallery., De
'Banter was the target.
Kama Old Plaint.
Mother Was there a scarcity of men
pit the seashore this season?
Daughter Yes. Why, every man
pecepted was engaged to at least a
Oozen oiuer gins.
Pair of Wonders.
j Mia wue touring me spat) I won
jfler why I ever married a mnn like
fou?
1 Her Husband And I wonder why
rer married at all.
Marked Down.
First Heiress If you are looking for
ft -matrimonial bargain, I'd id vise you
go in for the duke.
Becond Heiress Why do you consld
far bini a bargain?
i
I
5ueed circumstances.
Their Utrr.
"But, dear," said the caller, I dou'
why you should care to change the
name of your charming little country
place. Idlewhlle is so romantic. It
tois to signify dreamy idleness."
"That's Just the rouble," replied tn
fcoiistwlfp. "It was too suggestive,'
"In what way'"
"Why, it attracted all the tramp la
V county."
aim &wm
TVTi nt Iteally Ct.
"But don't the repairs on your auto
mobile cost you a great deal?" we ques
tloned. "No," he replied, as he perused his
expense book ; "the fact is the cost of
tho repairs Is nothing compared with
the cost of hauling the machine to the
repair shop."
SH '-Protection.
The Maid I seldom go shopping
Without a chaperon.
Tho Man Why is that?
The Maid If I go alone I'm almost
sure to forget myself and buy things.
Por nca-ale.
Anxious Mother Oh, professor, don't
you think my dear little Keglnnld will
ever Ieurn to draw?
Prof. Crayon No, madam; not un
less you hitch him up to a wagon.
Mean of Iter.
MaJ. lilowor Yes, miss, there was a
long account of my valor on the battle'
field.
Miss Tabasco Indeed 1 Was it a
running account, major?
o Attraction.
Actress But I want to know some
thing about the salary. I am from
Missouri and you must show me.
Manager (Icily) But I don't think
yo'i are worth showing.
In Lincoln Park.
She (poetically) Ah, the burning of
ie leaves In the park in autumn. What
does the aroma remind you of, dear?
He The cigars you bought me for a
birthday present.
Perfect for Once.
Cholly At least Miss Wose said I
am perfect In one thing.
Ferdy She did? And what was
that?
Cholly Why, the denh girl said I
was a perfect Idiot.
Scum-thin a i ceiled.
Mrs. Shopper I wish to buy a pres
ent for a servant girl. ' Can you sug
gest something appropriate?
Shopman Certainly I Give her a
traveling bag. l'ele Mele.
I'p to Dale.
Mr. Beetle Great gosh! I bet that
feller's been to see the President.
Too Peraonitl.
"I have come to till the editor a
Joke," announced the young man with
long hair and big black tie.
"H'm !" grunted the offlco boy, as he
lined bis broom at tho cat. "Is It one
of thoso Jokes about automobiles break
ing down?"
It is. I havo sold the editor six
Jokes on this order In tho last week."
"Well, you won't sell him any more.
He bought an autoir.olillo himself yes
terday and It broke down on the trial
spin and he had to walk six miles
through tho mud."
She Knew Them.
Hemingway But yon hnd all the
eggs you wanted, of course?
Mrs. Hemingway (back from the
summer boarding house) No. the
farmer sold most of bis eggs In town.
Hemingway But you got thoso be
didn't sell?
Mrs. Homlngwny Yes ; but I think
they were the ones, ho eouldu't sell.
What' In a Pet Name.
Wife of a Colonial Ottleor (visiting
native village) What a dear little
child It is. What's your pet name,
dear?
The Dear Kanavalugnkaliivlklkuya
angii. Ill re.
Paternal Provocation.
It is 10 p. m. They are seated in the
parlor.
'No," she says, bowing her head. "Pa
says I am too young to become en
gaged."
It is Just 1 :30 n. m. They are st'll
seated In the parlor.
Suddenly, from somewhere upstairs
a gruff voice shouts: "Henrietta, If that
fellow waits a little longer you'll be
old enough to accept his proposal.".
Woman's Homo Companion.
Illegal.
Ethel That Ki-ycur-old boy asked
me to marry I1I111,
Edltb And you thiew him over?
Ethel Yes; told bim It was against
the luw to catch lobsters so young.
Judge.
Place for Stale flood.
Iu Europe, moro especially lu tho
British Isles, tho consumer of cigars
requires thnt they should be dry; lu
fact, almost brittle. It Is a common
incident in that country to see a smok
er take bis cigar and place It to his
ear to see If It will give forth a
crackling sound, and if It does not
crackle the cigar Is considered tiw
moist PljsvBinoklng tobaccos, bow
ever, are required very moist. Iu the
UnHed States the proper condition for
cigars and pipe smoking tobaccos Is
Just the reverse. The American smok
er requires bis clgurs in such a condi
tion that the wrapiier, binder and tiller
will yield to the pressure of the fingers
without crackling or breaking the wrap
per, while on the other bund the smok
ing tobaccos, especially the granulated
tobaccos, must be moderately dry. Sci
ence. When women bear of a good hus
band, they say: "His wife bas him
wt'Il , tratiied." , Tbey. never Imagine
that a mau can be good lu any direc
tion unless be bas been trained by t
irwnan.
h WiwykL ' to .--
Cyq til
ii(ii4Ho,js,i"5iNE sj ? y
fer PAINTER '
s Between Two fires
By ANTHONY HOPE
"A wise man will make more opportunities
than he finds." Francis Bacon.
CIIAPTKIt XI.
I bsd broucht the $10,00 with me. I
produced thera and put them on the ta
ble, keeping a loving hand on thorn.
You fully understand my position,
Colonel?" I snld. "This thing is no use
to me unless I receive at lenst $.'120,000
to pay back principal, to meet Interest,
and to replace another stnnll debt to the
bank. If I do thnt, 1 shall be left with
a net profit of $.",0)0, not an extravngant solicitous about the state of my brain,
reward. If I don't get that sum I shall In a word, my nerves were quite shat
bo a defaulter, revolution or no revolu- tered, and I registered a vow never to
tlon."
"I can't make money If It's not there,"
he snld. but without his usunl brusque-
ness of tone. "But to this we agree. You
are to hnve first turn at anything we find,
up to the sura you nnme. It's to be hand-
ed over solid to you. The Signorina and
I take the leavings. You don t claim to
share them, too, do you?"
"No," I snld. "I'm content to be a
preference shareholder. If the moneys
found at the Golden House, It's mine. If
not, the new government, whatever it may
do as to the rest of the debt, will pay
me that sum."
Wit hthat I pushed my money over to
the Colonel.
"I expect the new government to be
very considerate to the bondholders all
round," said the Colonel, as he pocketed
It with a chuckle. "Anyhow, your terms
are agreed, eh, Signorina?"
"Agreed 1" said she. 'And I m to have
the country sent?"
"Agreed I" said I. "And the Colonel's
to be President and to have tho Golden
House nnd all that therein is."
"Agreed I agreed ! agreed !" chanted the
Signorina ; "nnd that's quite enough busl-
ness. .Success to the devolution I
I had risen to go, when a sudden
thought struck me.
"Where's Johnny Cnrr? I sny, Colo-
nel, how indiscreet was he last night7 Do smile ns he perused the treasonable docu
you think he remembers telling you about ments. If I heard nothing on the morn
it?" Ing of Friday, I was determined at ail
"Yes," said the Colonel, "I expect he
does by now. Ho didn't when I left hira
this morning."
"Will he confess to tho President?
If ho does, it might mnko the old man
keep an unpleasantly sharp eye on you.
He knows you don t love him."
"Well, Carr hasn't seen the President
yet. Ho was to stay at my house over My compliments to Mr. Jones, and ho
to day. He was uncommon seedy this mny expect ma In five minutes," I re
morning, and I persuaded tho doctor to plied.
give him a composing draught. Fact Is, I Tho letters were all marked "Itnmedi-
wanted him quiet till I d hnd time to
think. You know I don't believe he would
own up the President would drop on
him so ; but ne migut, and it s Detter uiey
shouldn't meet."
"There's somebody else he oughtn't to
meet." said the Signorina.
Who's that?" I asked.
"Donna Antonln," she replied. "He's
getting very fond of her, and depend upon
It, It bo's in trouble he 11 go anu tell ner
the first thing. Mr. Carr is very confl-
dential to his friends."
We recognized the value of this sug'
gestion. If Donna Antonla know, the
President would soon know.
"Quite right," said the Colonel. "It
won't do to have him rushing about let
ting out that we know all about it. He's
all right up to now."
"Yes, but if ho gets restive to-morrow
morning' said I. "And then you don t I
want him at the Uolden House on t riday
evening, and I don't want him at the bar-
ri5'
"No, he'd show fight, Carr would,"
snid the Colonel. Look here, we're In I
for this thing, and I'm going through
with it. I shall keep Carr at my bouse
till it's ail over, even if I have to use
force. Master Johnny Is better quiet."
"Suppose be turns ugly?" I suggested
again.
"He may turn as ugly as he likes,"
said the Colonel. "He don't leave my
house unless he puts a bullet Into me
first. That's settled. Leave it to me. If
be behaves nicely, he'll be all right. If
not "
"What shall vou do to him?" asked the
Signorina
"Oh. leave It to the Colonel : ho'll man-
age all right," I suggested.
"Now I'm off," said the latter, "back
to my fnenu Johnny. Good-night, Sig'
norinn. Write to the President to-mor
row. Good-night, Martin. Make that
speech of yours pretty long. Au revoir
till next Friday."
I prepared to go, for the Colonel Un
gered till I came with him. F.ven then
we .0 distrusted one another that neither
would leave tho other alone with the Sig
norina.
We parted at tho door, ho going off up
the road to get his horse to ride to his
"ranch," I turning down toward tho
Piazza.
We left the Signorina at the door, look
ing pnle nnd weury, and for once bereft
of ber high spirits. Poor girl ! She
found conspiracy rather trying work.
I was little troubled myself. I began
to see more clearly that it doesn't do for
a man of scruples to dabble in politics,
I had s great regard for poor Jolinnv
and I felt no confidence tn the Colonel
treating him with any consideration. In
fact, I would not have Insured Johnny's
life for the next week at any conceivable
premium. Again I thought It unlikely
that, if we succeeded, tho President would
survive his downfall. I had to repeat to
myself all the story of his treachery to
me, lashing myself Into a fury against
him, before I could bring myself to think
with resignation of tho Imminent extinc
tion of that shining light.
What a loss he would be to tho world !
So many delightful stories, so great a gift
of manner, so Immense a personal charm
all to disapjtear into the pit ! And for
what? To put into his place a ruffian
Without redlining qualities. Was It
worth while to put down Lucifer only to
enthrone lteclzebub? I could only check
this doleful straiu of reflection by sternly
recalling uiynelf to tho real question
the state of the fortune of me, John
Martin. And to me the Revolution was
necessary, I might get tho money; at
least 1 should gain time. I was auimat
ed by the honorable motive of saving my
employers from loss and by the over
whelming motive of my own love. If the
continued n't .i.,i,. .n.i ih.
. ... , ....
rresident wss incompatible with these
leiritilnAtA nlitucta un ,1111. h tlia B,nr,. f.ip
Johnny and the President.
CHAPTER XII.
The next three days were on the whole
the most uncomfortable I have ever spent
In my life. I got little sleep nnd no rest ;
1 went about with a revolver handy all
day, aud jumped every time -I hciwd a
sound. I expended much change In buying
every editiou of all the unDors: I listened
with dread to the distant cries of news-
valid rs, baring, as the words gmduailj
became distinguishable, to hoar thnt our
secret was a secret no longer. I was
., ... .' ... ... !
ed my business with an absent mind and
a face of such superhuman Innocence;
that, hnd anyone been watching me, he.
must at once have susnected something
wrong. I was incapable of adding up a
row of figures, and Jones became most
upset a government again as lone as I
lived. In future the established constl-
tirtion would have to ls good enough for
me. I verily believe thnt only the thought
of the Signorina prevented me making a
moonlight flitting across the frontier with
a whole skin at least, if with an empty
pocket, nnd leaving the rival patriots of
Aureatalnnd to fight it out nmong them-
gelves.
Happily, however, nothing occurred to
Justify my fears. The other side seemed
t0 be sunk In dull security. The Presl-
,,,nt went often to the ministry of finance.
and was closeted for Jiours with Don
Antonio; I suppose they were perfecting
their nefarious scheme. There were no
signs of excitement or nctivltv at tho bar-
racks; the afternoon gatherings on the
IMnzza were occupied with nothing more
serious than the prostects of lawn tennis
nnd the grievous dearth of dances. The
official announcement relative to the debt
had had a quieting elTeet. and all classes
seemed inclined to wait and sec what the
president's new plan was.
Ho passed NVediicsil.iv nnd Thursdav.
On neither day had I beard anvthins
fr0rn my fellow-conspirators ; our arrange-
nients for writing had so far proved un-
necessary or unsuccessful. The latter
possibility sent shiver down mv back, and
my lively fancy pictured his excellency's
risks to see the Colonel. With the dawn
of that eventful day, however, I was re-
lieved of this necessity. I was lying in
bed about half-past nine when my servant
brought in three letters.
hent on from the bank, sir," he said,
"with Jir. Jones' compliments, and are
you going there this morning?"
ftte" one from the Signorina. one from
the Colonel, one from the barracks. I
opened the last first and read as follows :
"The officers of the Aureataland Army
have the honor to remind Mr. John Mar-
tin that they hone to have the nlcaaure
of his company at supper this evening at
10 n. m. nrecisel.v. In the unavoidable
absence of his excellency the President.
owing to pressing cares of state, and tho
Hon. Colonel McGregor from indisoosi-
tion, the toast of the Army of Aureata-
land will be proposed by Major Alphonse
DeChair.
"P. S. Friend Martin, speak long this
night. The two great men do not come,
and the evening wants to be filled out.
"ALPIIONSB DE CHAIR."
"It sholl be long, my dear boy, and we
will fill out your evening for you," said
t t0 myself, well pleased so far
Then 1 opened the Signorina's epistle
"Dear Mr. Martin," it began "Will
you ne g0 kind as to send me in the course
of tho day twenty dollars in small
change? I want to give the school chil-
dren a scramble. I enclose check. I am
so sorry you could not dine with me to
night, but after all I am glad, because I
should have had to put you off, for I nm
commanded ruther suddenly to dine tit the
Uolden House. With kind regards, be-
lieve me, yours sincerely.
"CHRISTINA NUGENT."
"Very good," said I. "I reckon the
scramble will keep. And now for the
toionei.
"Dear Martin I Inclose check for
$500. My man will call for the cash to
morrow morning. I give you notice be
cause I want it all In silver for wages.
crr ar here together, both seedy,
Poor Carr Is on his back, and likely to
remain there for a day or two. I'm bet
ter, and though I've cut the affair at the
barracks to-night, I fully expect to be
up and about this afternoon. Ever yours,
"GEO. M'GREGOU.
"Oh, so Carr Is on his back and likely
to remain there. Is he? Very likely, I
expect; but I wonder what It means. I
hoPe the Colonel hasn't been very drastic,
However, everything seems right; in fact,
bettor thnn I hoped."
In this more cheerful frame of mind I
arose, breakfasted at leisure, and set out
for the bank about eleven.
Of course the first person I met on the
street whs one of the last I wanted to
meet, namely, Donna Antouia. She was
on horseback, and her horse looked as if
he'd done some wor t. At the sight of mo
she reined up, and I could not avoid
stopping ns I lifted my hat.
"Whence so early? I asked,
"Early?" she said. "I don't call this
esrly. I've U-en for a long ride; in fact
I've ridden over to Mr. Carr s place,
with a message from papa; but he's not
there. Do you know where he is, Mr,
Martin?"
"Haven't an Idea," said I
"He hasn't been home for four nights,"
she continued, "and ho hasn't been to the
ministry, either. It's very odd thnt ho
should disappear like this, just when all
the business is going ou, too,
"What business, Donna Antonla? 1
asked blandly
She colored, recollecting, no doubt,
that the business was stilt a secret.
"Oh, well, you know they're alway
busy at the ministry of finance at thi
time. It's the time they pay everybody
isn't It?"
It's the time they ought to pay every
body," I said.
"Well," she went on, without notlein
my correction, "ut any rate papa and tli
President are both very much vexed wit
him; o I offered to muke 111 y ride in hi
direct Ion."
"Where enn he lie?" I asked again.
"Well." she replied. "1 believe he's at
Colonel McGregor's, and after lunch
shall go over there. I know he dine
,..,.... ., 1 1... .,.,...!
l,,rr" u" 'uuuuu' ",,u "D "'"J1
I ou
'No," thought I, "you mustn't do thn
it might be inconvenient." So 1 said
"The Colonel ay Carr told him he was
going off for a couple of days' sail lu hit
yacht."
"It's very bad of him to go," she raid.
"but no doubt that's it. Papa wirt be
angry, but he'll be glad to know no harm
I hus come to bim
I "Happy to have relieved your mind,
said 1, and bade her farewell, wondering
wbetber Dou Antonio would find no nana
I bad my
CIIAPTKIt XIII.
When I arrived at the bank I dispitrh
fd brief answers to my huilget of letters;
each of the answers wss to the same
purport, nsmely, thnt I should be at the
barracks nt the appointed time. I need
not trouble the render with the various
wrapping in which this essential piece of
intelligence wss Involved. I then hnd a
desperate encounter with Jones; business
was .Mark, nnd Jones was fired with ths
unholy desire of seizing the opportunity
thus offered to mnke an xhnustive In
quiry into the state of 0'ir eserve. He
could not understand my sudden punctil-
lousnem as to times and seasons,
nnd I
was afraid I should hnve to tell him
. ,.!! .1 . 1 . I ' . I I 1
,j i . , ... .
maul,... . I 1. u 1 T t . I 111 1 1 1 V I'.". I I 1 . I V. 1 1 1 lll.r
contents of the safe. At last I effected
a diversion by persuading him to give
Mrs. Jones a Jaunt Into the country, and
thus left In peace, I sjs-nt my afternoon
in making final preparations. I burned
many letters; I wrote n touching farewell
to my father, in which I took occasion
to point out to him how greatly his Im
prudent conduct had contributed to in
crease the difficulties of his dutiful son.
I was only restrained from making a will
by the obvious imprudence of getting it
witnessed. I spent a feverish hour In
firing Imaglnnry shots from my revolver,
to ascertain whether the instrument was
In working order. Finally I shut, up the
bank at five, went to the Piazza, partook
of a light repast, and never was I more
rejoiced than when the moment for ac
tion at last came. At I was dressing, lin
gering over ench gu.'mcut with a feeling
that I might never put on, or, for that
matter, take it oli' u.1.11, I received a
second note from the Colonel. It was
brought by a messc;;;.1,'':-, 0:1 a sweating
horse, who galloped up to my door. I
knew the messenger well by sight ; he was
the Colonel's valet. My heart was in my
mouth ns I took the envelope from his
hands. The fellow was evidently in our
secret, for ho grinned nervously at me
as he handed it over, and said:
I was to ride fast, nnd destroy the
letter if anyone came near."
I nodded, nnd opened if. It said:
"C. escaped about six this evening. Be
lieved to have gone to his house. He sus
pects. If you see him. shout on sight."
"Had Mr. Carr a horse I asked of
the man.
"No, sir ; left on foot. Couldn't come
along the road to Whittinglinui, sir, it's
patrolled."
There was still a chance. It was ten
miles across country from the Colonel's
to Johnny's, and six miles on from John
ny's to WhiUingham. The man divined
my thoughts.
"He can't go fast, sir, he s wounded In
the leg. If he goes home first, as ho will,
because ho doesn't know his horses are
gone, he can't got hero before eleven at ths
earliest.
(To be contiuued.)
WHAT TUSKEGEE HAS DONE.
Work of the Inatltute for Negrroea
Told on the Illitliest Authority.
In the early years of Tuskegee much
was formerly said about the effect of
the moon upon the crops, but the dis
cussions usually brought out the point
that deep plowing was more Important
la agriculture than tho moon nnd lunar
theories of agriculture have long since
been discarded by thoso farmers who
have attended the meetings.
In the plantation districts I found
large families, iucludlng the visitors
when any appeared, living and sleeping
In a single room. I found them living
oa fat pork nnd corn broad aud yet not
Infrequently I discovered in these cab
ins sewing machines which no one knew
how to use, which cost as much as $00,
or Bhowy clocks which had cost a
much as $10 or $12, but which never
told the time. I remember a cabin
where there was but one fork on the
table for the use of the five members
of the family and myself, while In the
opposite corner was an organ for which
tho family was paying $('0 In monthly
Installments. The truth that forced It
self upon me was that theso people
needed not only book learning but
knowledge of how to live ; they needed
to know how to cultivate the soli, to
husband their resources, to buy land
and build houses and make tho most of
their opportunities.
Tuskegee Institute will complete this
year" tho first twenty-five years of its
existence. It was opened July 4, 1SS1,
with one teacher and thirty pupils. At
that time It bad neither land nor build'
ings, nothing but the $2,000 a year
granted by tho Alabama Legislature.
Even tho dilapidated shanty and the
old church In which Its first sessions
were conducted were lent by the col
ored people of the village.
It was not long, however, before the
school acquired n smaii iraci. 01 muu.
. .. . i. M , 1
The first head of live stock which It be
came possessed of was an old blind
mule, the gift of n white mnn In the
neighborhood. This represented tho
capital of the school.
At tho close of the school year last
Mav it owned 2.000 acres of land,
eighty-three buildings, large and small
mod as dwellitiss. dormitories, class
rooms, shops nnd barns, which, togetb
er with the equipment, live stock, stock
l:i trade nnd other personal proptrty,
were valued nt nlwut $S31.s:r.:i2. This
does not Include 22.s)0 acres of public
lnnd remaining unsold from the 25.0O0
granted bv Congress valued at flSo.OOO,
nor the endowment fund, which
amounted on Jan. 1, 1900, to 51,275,'
004.
Six thousand students have come for
a longer or shorter time under tho In'
flueneo of the Institution during the
twentv-flve years of Its existence. So
far ns I have been nolo to ascertain.
not one of the graduates has been con
victed of a crime and less thnn 10 per
cent are failures- In the occupations
which they have adopted. There Is an
Increasing demand all over tho South
for their services. One great reason
why so ninny of the students who enter
fall to finish their course Is that the!
earning capacity is Increased to such
an extent on an average of 1100 per
cent nt the end of the full course by a
few months or years at study that they
yield to the temptation to go to work
at the Increased salary and do not re
turn to complete their course at tha
school. Booker T. ashington
World's Work.
In
r.uajr for llliu.
penntbs Scrlbbletou tells me he la
making a specialty of smart child say
ing jokes uow.
lukertun Yes, poor fellow I Ila'a la
UU aacund childhood.
tisd come to poor Johnny,
doubts.
s 0LD i
eFavoriteS
When the Froat la on the Ponkln,
When the ftost is on the punkin and the
fodder s in the shock ;
And you hear the kyouck &nd gobble of
the struttin' turkey-cotk,
And the clnskln' of the guineas, and the
cluckiu of the hens.
And the rooster ballylooyers ns he tip
toes on tho fence ;
Oil, It's then'e the time a feller is a-fecl-
in' at his best,
As he leaves the house bafe.lended, and
goes out to feed the stock,
When the frost is on the punkin and the
fodder a in the shock.
They's somethin' kind o' hnrty like about
the atmosfere,
When the heat of summer's over, and the
cool in fall is here
of course we miss the flowers, and the
blossoms on the trees.
And tho mumble of the h Jinmin' birds
and buzzin' of the bees :
But the air's so appetizin'; snd tho land
scape through tho tmze
Of a crisp and sunny morning of the
early autumn days
Is a pictur' that a painter has the color-
in to mock
When the frost is on tho punkin and the
fodders in the shock.
The husky, rusty russel of t';e tossels of
the corn,
And the rnspin' of the tangled leaves, as
golden as the morn ;
The stubble in the furries kmdo lone
some-like, but still
A-preachin' sermons to us of the barns
they growed to fill ;
Tho strawstack in the medder, and tho
reaper in the shed :
The horses in they's stalls below the
clover overhead !
Oh, it sets my heart a-clickin like the
tick in' of a clock.
When the frost is on the punkin nnd the
fodder s in the shock.
Then your apples all is gathered, and the
ones a feller keeps
Is poured around the collar floor in red
nnd yeller heaps:
And your cider mnkin' 's over, and your
wnnmen-folks is througa
With their mince nnd apple-butter and
they s souse and sausage, too:
I don't know how to tell it but cf slch
a thing could bo
As the angels wnutin bonrd;n and they'd
call around on me
I'd want to 'commodate :em all the
whole induring flock.
When the frost is on the punkin and tha
fodder s in the shock.
James Whitcomb Riley.
MANY CIGARETTES IMPORTED.
Made hy (ireeka of Greek Tobacco,
They Are Called Egyptian.
A controversy which h is been going
m in Europe, and espc'.a'ly in Eng
land, ns to the rival merits of Turk
ish and Egyptian clgarett's seems like-
lj to be settled by a ropoit o' a dis
interested but observant American con
su'.. Though tho United SrntcK is tho
great cigarette-producing imMon of the
world, there are Imported Into this
country every year more than $3,000,
00O worth of foreign-made cigarettes,
some Turkish and some Egyntian.
Turkey Is a large tobacco-producing
country, yielding 00,000 tons of tobac
so every yeur, and the ?'mks, It is
wcdl known, are a nation of smokers.
The amount of tobacco raised In Egypt
Is Inconsiderable, and yet Egyptian
C garettes are Imported Into tills coun
try iu considerable amounts every
ye:; r.
The explanation of tho matter, as
oncrea ny tue American consul in aiu-
eus. Is simple. It Beeins that the Greek
twhacco crop lust year was the largest
Gret-cx ever harvested ab ;it 200,000,
010 pounds. A brand of Greek tobac
co is used for Egyptian cigirettes.
Why, it Is asked, Egyptian? The
answer Is that Egyptian cigar;-ttes are
made by Greeks because clcarette pa
per Is too expensive lu Greece, where
it Is a government monopoly. Ihus the
business bas gone over to Egypt The
most famous cigarette ma iters of Egypt
are Greeks.
A very large business in cigarette
r. nUing has been establlsacl lu Alex
andria, and it is in tho hands of
Creeks, who Import their tobacco from
their own country and In turn ship it
to foreign countries, England and tho
I.1 lilted States being the chief market
for Egyptian cigarettes, .v'licb nre, in
f;ict. Greek cigarettes, those bearing
the title Turkish being Inusirted from
Turkey direct.
The turleu Corporal.
A native postman on the Gold Coast
of West Arricn went in bathing, says
the Country Gentleman, and then
wrote the following letter to bis post
master :
Dear Master I have the pleasure to
regret to Inform you that when I go
bath this morning a billow he remove
my trousor. Dear Master, how can I
go ou duty with only one trousor? If
he get loss where am I? Kind write
Accra that they send me one more trou
ser so I catch him and go duty.
flood day, Sir, my Lord, how are
you?
Your loving corporal,
J. ADDIE.
I'Ubv Sulcldf.
Archie Crawford caught a catfish In
the river yesterday which lie believes
hud lived a misspent life and wanted
to commit suicide. Tho lish was thiu,
had one eye out nnd looked an if ha
had worried a gocd deal. Crawford
caught tho lish three times- before ha
filially decided to keep it. Kvery time
the fish would get on the book Craw
ford would throw it back Into the
stream, leenuse of Its emaciated con
dition. The fish acted as if It wanted
to commit suicide. Atchison fllole.
Not to lie t umiiulrd.
"Tell mo," said her father, sternly,
'how ofteu did be kiss you?'
"Father," replied the fair girl, "it Is
true that I carried off the prize for
mathematics ut college, but you ask
too much of me." riilladelphia 1'ress.
Some way a beard looks out of plaoa
on a right short, thiu mau.
A New 8leeplnfr Car Story. .
Among the railroad visitors In town t
recently, snys the CIcvelnnd Leadei,
was F. A. Miller, general passenger
agent of the Cblcngo, Milwaukee & St.
Taul railway. He visited all of the
general offices In town nnd nt the llol
lenden hotel told a story of one of the
sleeping car porters who was recently
found asleep while on duty. This Is
contrnry to the rules of the St. Paul
road, and the negro man was in trou
ble when found by the Inspector on the
Pioneer Limited. He hnd his wits
about bim, however, and in response to
the Inspector's Inquiry as to what be
wss doing asleep, he snld:
"I'll tell you how It was. boss. I
hnve only bevn with tho company a
short time and before coming here 1
was working on such and such n rail
rond. The line was 30 much that I
could not get any sleep. Since I have
been working for the St. Paul the road
hns been so smooth thnt I Just could
not keen awake."
Mr. Miller says thnt while the negro
had violated the rules, he was permit
ted to keep bis Job on account of his
wit
A Silent Convlellon.
Hemember," said George Washing
ton's father, "that if I had punished
you for chopping down that cherry tree
It would have hurt me moye than It
hurt you."
George said nothing. But across his
mind flashed the thought that bis Inca
pacity for prevarication wns not an In.
berlted trait Washington Star.
Opinion of an Expert.
The South Chicago man, sho wns tak
ing his first trip across central Michigan,
looked out of the car window and saw one
of those peculiar fences that the fnrmers
of that region sometimes make by digging
up old pine stumps and laying them in
a row, with the roots facing the road.
"Well," he said, "I've seen all kinds of
fads In landscape decoration, but. by
George, there's the worst attempt in thnt
line I ever saw I"
Farms
Tha.
Grow
WW
4
urn
No. 1 Hard Wheat
(63 Pounda to the Bushel)
Are situated In the Canadian West where
Homeateada of 160 acres can be obtained
irea by every settler willinz and able to
comply with the Homestead Regulations.
During the present year a large portion of
New Wheat Growing Territory
hai been made accessible to markets by
tha railway construction that baa been
pushed forward so vigorously by the three
great railway compauies.
For literature and particulars address the
Superintendent of lmmiL'ratiiin, Ottawa, Canada,
r the authorized Canadian (lovrrnment eeut,
W. D. Scott, Superintendent of Immigration,
Ottawa. Canada, or E. T. Holmes, Jackson
St.; St. Paul, Minn, and J. M. MacLachlan, Box
116, Watertown, bo. Dakota Authorized Govern
ment Af ents.
IMeaM Mr where in saw thi advertlBement.
BTBlou City List
em.
FOR RENT
ASS SALE orr
L'KVP i'B.mPnt.
ALL, SIOUX CliVT, tUVVA.
Printers
I PAY CASH roa
Sccond-Hand
Printers'
Machinery
What have you to
Sell or Exchange?
T. r. POWELL
93 So. Jefferson Sheet, CHICAGO
WE m STER'S
INTERNATIONAL
DICTIONARY
A GRAND FAMILY j:ilCATOH.
It cot only answer vor.r questions!
In Bpelllng, Tronunci i'ion, IelluHion,!
new woraa, itc. out hIbo tuswers aues-
1 Hons to Qeoffnphy. r.ioeranhv. Fiction.
I Iforelrn Words and PkrHsna. 1 110 Trades.
Afa and Sciences. 6300 iUuitTattons.
i2i&0 Putrca. A neces.-i'v la everv cul-1
! tuxed home. It Is the beat Christinas gilt. I
1 WfcBHTER' OLLKOIA IU I'lOTlONARY. I
I Latiwi t f oar aiidtfiiienu. H -ft i.ir an I 'i hlu Paper 1
tuition, j 1 10 j.w an'1 ' u uitutratiuu.
Wriln"Th. (iioi .f a rn V rT C.
la. ft C. MERRIAM CO.. Spring&eld. Mass SI
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U quicklf absorbed.
Cites Relist at One.
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CATARRH
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lusts and SinelL Full size BOcbi . l rm
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. klj Brothers, DO Warren Street , New York.
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