(Dakota County Herald
DAKOTA. CTTT, X9XB.
John H Ream, - Publisher
It of nion would rather hold a po
litical Job thnn make n living.
If you would be light-hearted, quit
.looking on the dark side of every tldntf.
Poor Mrs. Sag?! The "burden of
riches" In Lor cufo will bo found to lie
ever.
People could always dodg nn auto
mobile successfully If the t:ix assessor
was tlie chauffeur.
The French grocer whose bride ran
away with the host man at tin? wedding
found rand In his sugar.
Nothing makes n ni.ni feel more I in -portant
thiin his ability to answer tin'
questions of a small boy.
Parisians are getting wise to the pnl
on In tin? local fond supply. It is no
longer a case of Paris preen.
There Is no telling but that the King
end the Kaiser put a bug In each oth
er'! ear during their kissing bee.
The Worcester Telegram litis adopted
the reformed spelling. This will neces
ltate a new Worcester's dictionary.
A scientist lias discovered over ':,
R00 germs on a $10 bill, yet there are
rash people who are willing to take tho
risk.
A twelve-story apartment Is to lie
built for New York bachelors. Won't
somebody please do something for tho
grass widowers?
Mrs. Link Is suing for divorce on the
ground of desertion, and the court ean
now prepare to hear a few things about
the missing Link.
At the age of 17 a Kentucky girl lias
been married three times and twice di
vorced. If she started after the record,
ber chance looks good.
Mexican residents of Arizona are In
favor of Joint Statehood, which partly
accounts for the circumstance that
American residents are not
The whooping cough germ has been
found. It took science a long while to
locate a microbe which has never censed
to call vociferous attention to Its where
abouts. Another sign that the cause of univer
sal peace is making progress may bo
found In the fact that several thousand
additional men have been put to work
at tho Krupp gun works.
A man who has a mania for pinching
women has been arrested In New York.
Why keep the poor fellow In Jail? It
would doubtless be safe to put him In a
trait-jacket and set him free.
i China is to have a constitution, but
the Empress Dowager recommends that
It be adopted gradually. The Emperor
himself probably thinks a constitution
Is some kind of an arrangement for fas
tening up the queue.
' .
The German Emperor is quoted as
aaylmt that any youth of twenty with
out knowledge or education could go to
any newspaper olllce In the world, and,
taking a position on Its stuff, write ar
ticles which would create sensations.
The same youth would probably create
a sensation as an emperor.
There were fewer commercial fail
ures In the United States In July of
this year than In any month of July lu
fourteen years only 738 In the wholo
country. Business casualties are at
their minimum. Great sinners some of
our money mnkers have been, but the
Hubllc conscience lg sound and the Lord
oeems to be with us yet. On with the
harvest and the dance, with shouting
and the sound of trumpets !
From Lake Winnipeg southeasterly to
the ocean by water is among tho possi
bilities of the future. A route for a
canal to connect the lake with Lake
Huron bas already been surveyed, and
the owner of an extensive system of
western roads say that tho caiml will
Boon be dug. What a magnificent trip
for a man In a motor boat that would
make, to ay nothing of a cargo of
wheat to the Gulf of St Lawrence from
4h heart of the Canadian Northwest!
It la a maxim of some sea captains
bat It is better for sailors not to know
1kw to bwIuj. They will tako fewer
chances if they know that tbey wlU be
helpless In the water. The authorities
of Amherst college have a different be
lief as to the desirability of knowing
now to swim. They hnve made swim
tnlng one of the compulsory studies at
Amherst This college was the first to
establish compulsory gymnasium work.
and all other college In this country
now require that Will swimming also
tieeoine the rule In the colleges? Tho
theory that meu will avoid danger of
drowulng If they do not know how to
wlui does not seem to be supjiorted by
the facts. Only a small proportion of
80! deaths from drowning tho past sum
mer were due to foolhunllness of swim
mer. Waders and bathers getting be
yond their depth, people who rockid the
boat or wero caught In storms, Usher
men who fell In, all together make up
a long roll of persous who might have
saved their lives by a knowledge of
swimming. The advantages of swim
tnlug as an exercise are well known.
The ajiort la moderation Ik one of tho
liest of all method of securing a sym
metrical development of tho whole body
with the loss of superfluous adipose
tissue. The attraction of the water Is
o strongly felt by most ieople that It
Is one of tho arguments advanced by
certain scientists for tho belief that the
original borne of all forma of life, In
eluding the human race, was In the sea.
When a man is reveling lu the sensa
tion of being rocked by the waves he
Is satisfying an Instinct Inherited from
ancestors who a few million years ago
lived In warm, shallow aeaa. However,
It not TieeesMry to go bacfc so far
as that There are reasons enough for
liking the water In summer time with
out seeking an explanation In atavletla
tendencies.
rmf. L. II. Itailey, of th Agricultural
(Vdl"ire of Cornell University, has asked
a hundred and fifty students who were
bred on the rami and do not Intend to
return why they seek occupation else
where, lie has also asked seventy
town bred students who intend to be
farmers, and two hundred farm-bred
studtiiU who Intend to return, why
they choose farm life. The Investiga
tion I not Intended to show anything
about the total migration trnm town to
country ami from country to town. The
conclusion which can safely !o drawn
is that the argument in conviction,
weight nnd nobility of Ideals is with
those who are going to be farmers. The
I i'l 1 i i 'H of the students, some of widen
Prof, Bailey quotes III the Century Mag
ii. I ne, are marked by a line sense of
what Is worth while lti life closeness
to nature, Independence and healthful
physical labor. The alleged social ad
vantages desired by young men seeking
the city are seen, by these other young
men who have tried them, to be perhaps
less helpful In tile development of char
acter than the simple relations of tho
farmer with his few neighbors. Very
few of the young men who plan to bo
farmers say much about making money,
whereas 4) per cent of those who seek
the city give the money consideration
as a principal reason. Those who like
the farm maintain that there Is a com
petence for the good farmer, hut they
seek other things thnn largo Incomes.'
"I am Impressed In these replies," says
Prof. Itailey, "with tho recurrence of
such Ideals as love of the work that ono
Is doing, education, study, personal In
fluence, happiness, service, home. With
thco young men their business Is to be
an affair of tho heart We hear much
aliout the greod of money and power
and the great dangers that threaten
our runaway society; but I wonder
whether In the end the countryman will
not still have hold of at least one of
the reins."
Dizziness, or vertigo scientific writ
ers sometimes try to distinguish In
sense between these two words, but
practically, In popular usage, they
mean the same thing Is a disturbance
of relation to the outaldo world, a loss
of the sense of equilibrium. There is
more or less Inability to walk straight.
or even to stand still, and often there
Is nausea followed by vomiting.
Vertigo Is due to a disturbance,
either actual or reflex, of the nervous
"center of equilibrium" In the back
part of the brain, or in the seiul-clrcu-
lar canals lu the ear, in which the ter
minations of the nerves coming from
the center of equilibrium are distrib
uted. For tho moat part vertigo Is a
reflex troublo duo to ome Impression
which geU shunted off Its own route,
as It were, through nerve fibers con
necting with tho equilibrium center,
and acts upon the semi-circular canals
of tho ear. Thus It Is that dizziness
Is n comparatively trivial affection, as
a rule dlsogreoable enough, but brief
and of no great significance excopt as
a symptom of troublo elsewhere In the
body.
rerslstently recurring, transient dls-
zlnoss Is often due to eye strain, that
la to say, to errors In the formation
of the eye not corrected by proper
glasses. Wearers of pfpeetaolea can fre
quently tell when a change In the eyes
has occurred, necessitating a corre
sponding change In the glasses, by the
coming back of these attacks of glddl-
noss, especially when the gaze Is sud
denly moved from a near object to a
remote one or the reverse.
Vertigo Is a common symptom of dis
orders of digestion seated either In the
stomach or the Intestine. The treat
ment for this form Is, of course, to
treat the Indigestion or constipation.
Another more serious variety of dls-
zlness depends upon disease of the
heart or of the blood vessels, especially
those of the brain.
Any disease of the ear Is apt to be
associated with more or leas vertigo.
The same la true of tumor or other dis
ease of the brain, especially of the cer
ebellum that part of the brain In
which the center of equilibrium Is sit
uated. The dizziness of seasickness, as wll
as that of swinging or of rapidly turn
ing about. Is thought to be caused by
an irritation of the nerves In the semi
circular canals by the striking against
them of the fluid In these canals
Youth's Companion.
Financial Statement.
Cltyman Is there much money 1q
summer boarders?
Uncle Glttein Not when we git
through wtth 'em, by Heck I
A newly married man feels fanny
the first time a servant girl begins
worn at bis bouse.
SIP
jl
I'lous Drollery. The pious drollery
and monotonous formality of the aver
age church is enoui.ii to disgust the
devil. Kev. D. It. ISroughtou, Baptist,
Atlanta, Ga.
Failure. A man who Is nlwiys an
ticipating failure and taking n gloomy
view of the future not only works half
heartedly himself, but depresses his as
sociates. licv. F. I). Tabling!', Presby
lerian, Los Angeles, ('ill.
The N 1 or the World. What the
world needs Is not more secular knowl
edge, nor more hcientillc skill, but a
more thorough enlightenment concern
ing Cod nnd Its relation to Him. Kcv.
It. E. Wililnins, Evangelist, Untie, Mont
The March of Civilization. Tho
world Is nut outgrowing Christ. Re
ligious traditions may try to un-Chrlst
the centuries, but He still asserts Ills
divinity In I he march of civilization.
Ucv. F. C. lircmcr, Methodist, Normal
Park, III.
i'ho Point of View. All things about
us, all phenomena, even capital and
labor, and Its contentions can be con
sidered from the sacramental jiolnt of
view and spiritual lessons drawn from
them. Kcv. T. F. Seymour, Episco
palian, Peoria, III.
Doing Good. There Is a largo place
In the world for the man who goes
about doing good. The man who knows
the good and does It not commits a
lu against society and imperils bis own
life. Kcv. W. II. Found, Congrogn
tlonalist, Chicago, 111.
Moral Suicide. The Hellish man Is
a moral suicide. Ills genius shrivels
up, his name dies out, he has made an
eternal blunder. The Ideal Is every
thing. "As a man thluketh In his heart,
so ho Is." Kcv. W. A. Hunter, Presby
terian, Denver, Col.
Cruelty. There bus never been a
period In human history where nnlmals
have been so abused, so maltreated,
bo neglected, treated so Inhumanly as
they have been In Christendom for the
Inst 1000 years. Kev. M. J. Savage, ;
Unitarian, New York City.
Goodness. Gooduess does not mean
exemption from tho common Ills of life.
Every life has Its burdens, every heart 1
Its own secret sorrows. We would not '
minimize the cares which are lnevlt
able. They nre not Joyous, but grlev-'
ous. Kev. A. II. Goodcnough, Metho
dist, Bristol, Conn.
Discipline. Dltliculties are onlj an
other name for discipline. The best
men have started lite with what ap
peared like handicaps which afterward
proved to bo real helps. The only hnn
dleapped boy In America to-day Is the
son of the rich man. Kcv. C. B. Mlt
chel, Methodist, Cleveland, O.
The Cost. No man can do with case
the biddings of Christ But the order (
Is, do them. "Well done" spells Bacrl-
flco. It Is a mark of excellence to get
that commendation, but the price paid
for It Is understood to Imply a cross,
a tomb, a resurrection. Kev. William
Kors, Presbyterian, Northfleld, Mass.
Church Hogging. Appealing for
money for churches through fairs and
bazaars Is a poor business Indeed. It
Is a waste of money and strength nnd
puts the church In the position of a
beggar on the street asking for alms
with n cord about his neck. Kev. C. L.
Kloss, Congregatlonallst, Philadelphia,
Pa.
The Ship of State. Despite the cor
ruption In politics, tyranny of trusts,
monopolies nnd money jiowers, God Is
still at the helm of tho ship of state.
He guided the Pilgrim Fathers to
America. Ho gave them the Bible as
the Magna Chartii of all individual aud
national greatness. Kev. '. S. Lti and,
Methodist, Victor, Colo.
Murrloge. Marrying well does not
necessarily mean marrying wealth or
position, which are too often sought
after rather than compatibility and
character. Every step of tho way
should be marked with prayer, for
"Blessed Is the house that Is establish
ed In prayer." Kev. C. M. Meldon,
Methodist, Providence, It. I.
Self Kellance. The man or woman
who Is swayed simply by public opin
ion, who lives only for self Interest at
the expense of conscience nnd principle,
dooms himself or herself to extinction.
Even the world learns to respect at last
the few who dure to be truo lu the face
of overwhelming odds. Kev. Donald
Sage, Presbyterian, New York City.
Foreign Missions. Christian civili
sation is must promoted by Christian
Interest In humnnlty as a whole. Some
men hnvo n contempt for foreign mis
sions, but Interest in foreign missions
Is actually promoting Interest in hu
manity, which reacts. Tho foreign mis
sionary movement Is educational and,
patriotic Bishop J. II. Vincent, Meth
odist, Sprlugtlcld, Muss.
Others. There are other religious
systems In the world than Christianity,
ltiiddha conquered greater tyrannies,
overcame more arrogant pride, broke
down the Iron walls of caste, made j.'.tl
ful great sections of humanity, and Is
to-day revered by more souls than take
upon themselves the name of Christ,
ltiiddltlsin and Christianity hold no
monopoly of moral wealth. Humility,
love and self sacrifice, though so little
understood, so grudgingly practiced,
these have worldwide foundations;
there are many world-conquering tradi
tions. Kev. J. I.. Jones, Independent
Chicago, 111.
'lUv i'iiy Mull 4ucr'.
Ill Snuash Y'd died, Eh, er ye'd bio
ovcr'n watched one uv them city fuller?
goln over th' place yentlddy.
Eh Jay Wliat'd do?
Ill Squash lie looked all over th
place an' when he got to th' hogpen he
lowed he'd like t see w here we bred
th' pig Iron. An' I c'd hardly keep my
boy from larfin' right In the durn fule's
face. Toledo lllade.
" When a lot of candidates attend
picnic, we have noticed that on their
return they talk more about the best
I idtnuet than about the best speech.
. V i i ,i vi ', t"0- f, 1 ' - -. -- . '! -)! - .' v. - v v - ' ' ' ' i." v ' i ' - , - v' fr"'-o" .
4i$&2&k$$& .if fei5 V ... .
GREATEST NAVAL PAGEANT.
at rart of Amerlra'a Tm.vy Re
viewed br the President.
The most Imposing naval pageant
ever seen In American waters passed
In review recently before President
Itoosevelt In Long Island sound. A
combined fleet of alxty-one naval ves
sels, representing every type of ship In
use in the navy except a hospital ship
and a marine ship, greeted the Presi
dent and a vast throng of sightseers on
hundreds of yachts, excursion boats,
launches and rowboats. There were
forty-three fighting ships, ranging from
the massive battleships, like the Rhode
Island, of 10,000 tons, costing $5,000,
000, nnd from the powerful and fast
armored cruiser, like the West Vir
ginia, of 10,000 tons, costing $5,800,000,
down to the submarine Shark, of 120
tons, costing probably $150,000. The
combined cost of the ships, so far as
construction was concerned, was prob
ably more than $125,000,000.
There were 15,2.15 men on the fleet,
Including 800 officers, if each ship had
Its full complement, and most of them
did. This means that there were
enough men afloat on the warships to
supply a city of 90,000 people with men.
(There were something like 1,100 guns
on the combined fleet Three-fourths
of tlie fleet upon which the President
gazed has been built since the war
with Spain.
The President, on board the May
flower, passed through and around the
Hne of ships anchored In three lines,
each 450 yards apart Then the May
flower anchored nnd the three admirals
of the fleet and all the commanding
officers called on him and had lunch
eon. Then the President visited the
three flagships and troojishlp Yankee,
Just back from a year's arduous work
In Dominican waters, where he made
a speech to the marines. Then he re
turned to the Mayflower and spent the
afternoon and the early part of the
evening on board, rmnlnlng long enough
to witness the electrical displays on the
BEAB ADMIRAL EVANS.
ships and nn exhibition of their search
light work.
The fleet was called officially the
United States Atlantic fleet, under
command of Rear Admiral Robley D.
Evans. The fleet was divided up Into
three squadrons, with Admiral Evans
In command of the first, consisting of
two divisions of eight battleship. Rear
Admiral C. II. Davis was In command
of the first division of the second squad
ron, consisting of four battleship, and
Rear Admiral W. H. Urownsou was In
command of the second division of this
squadron, consisting of four armored
cruisers. The third squadron consisted
of the monitors and armored cruisers
under the command of (.'apt. C. W.
TInrtL.tf nnrl I I n . .1 ml.,. 1) A 1,'Ll ..
Then came two flotillas of toriiedo
j boats, with two submarines, a troop
ship, a water ship, a provision ship and
three colliers.
Ate Tin-in.
A young New Yorker had made his
first ascent lu his new airship, under
Instruction from a profcsioiial aero
naut. After an hour's gyrations, Ids
car came tumbling to the ground.
When he was picked up and found to
lie not much hurt, the professional de
manded to know what was wrong.
"Why did you not throw over tho
and and save yourself?" ho asked.
"I did tho v. hole tin pounds of It"
"Well, then, why did you not sacri
fice the sandwiches you were carry
ing?" "I did, Mr. Smith," sobbed the Jar
red young balloonist "I knew they
were extra weight, so as soon as the
car started down I ate every one of
them."
If a girl of sixteen or seventeen
Isn't pretty and attractive, her mother
Should whip ber.
GORGEOUS NIGHT SCENE AT THE OYSTEB BAT
CHURCHMAN HIPPIE
If Frank K. Hippie, president of the
Philadelphia Real Estate Trust eoin
pnny, had not been so conspicuous In
church work his wrecking of that con
cern would hnve been no less serious a
blow to one of the lending financial In
stitutions of the city and would have
caused no less distress. But had he not
been so prominently Identified with re
ligious affairs he could scarcely have
acquired such confidence as placed htm
In a position where It was possible for
blm to nilslnvest, by a system amount
ing to theft. $7,000,000 deposited with
tho Institution of which he was the
head. The downfall of no other ninn
in Philadelphia, save John Wananinker.
could have created such a sensation ns
the crash which followed tlie suicide
of Mr. Hippie. So carefully were the
circumstances of his death concealed by
his family that It was not until after
the exposure of his financial misdeeds
that It became known how he died. He
took laudanum and then lay down In
his bathtub and turned on the water.
For years Mr. Hippie had been a
prominent flguer In charitable, relig
ious and fiiKintial circles. He was su
perintendent of the Sunday school of
the Tenth Presbyterian church, as well
as one of the trustees of Bryn Mnwr
Presbyterian church. Ho was also
treasurer of church Institutions, among
them the Presbyterian General Assem
bly. In several financial Institutions
he was a director. Hippie had an ab
horenee for tobacco and liquor, nis
Sundays were spent In church or In
religious meditation. Sunday newapa
1H?re he would not read, nor would he
jide In street cars, unless the necessity
,was mt urgent. He could not be In
duced to discuss matters of a business
.nature on the Sabbath. His charities
were large and every one who apjiealed
,to blm was generously helped. Hippie
tiequltted himself well In all positions.
He was deemed by all men as of un
questloned probity.
Since Its organization, twenty-one
years ago, lie had been president of the
Real Estate Trust company, and a di
rector lu tlie Franklin National bank.
Jle was also treasurer of the general
assembly of the Presbyterian church.
.treasurer of the sustenance coiuuiittc"
of the Synod of Pennsylvania, treasu-er
of the Presbyterian hospital, and A
Jean treasurer or rue western seel.. ,i
f the Reformed church holding t.
.Presbyterian system, lie workl ac
tively in the Tenth Presbyterian church.
.lie was the counsellor of the aged and
.the widows in their financial dilllcnl
ties, the guardian of orphans and the
trustee of estates. Owing to his con
nectlon therewith the Real Estate
.Trust company was made the dovosi
tory of the Presbyterian church, from
the general assembly down to the
smallest organizations which found It
nveilent to make deposits there.
It Is not suggested that Mr. Hippie
uialnalnod these associations for fraud
uleiit purposes, or that his Intentions
were dishonest Hut it Is certnln that
after those affiliations had gained for
Jilm a great financial power nis rellg
lous professions did not Intervene be
tween himself and the temptation to in
vest trust funds in wildcat speculation,
nor to practice fraud to enable blm to
r7r .
aai
NAVAL REVIEW.
AND HIS DOWNFALL.
carry out his schemes. Whether re
morse, the belief that he could not re
cover his losses or the fear of discovery
find disgrace led him to take his life
will never be known, but It Is a fact
that there was no suspicion against
nlni until after his death.
From the officers of the Real Estate
.Trust company Hippie concealed his
operations by a method of his own In
dention. He kept a list of real loans
and a list of bogus loans. The real
loans were never seen by the directors.
Tlie bogus loans were supposed to be
good oues. To the auditor making ex
aminations of the company's loans
Hippie would present a list of what
appeared to be first-class loans In ev
ery refiiect and those the auditor would
certify as correct To the board of di
rectors, who had an amazing amount of
confidence In their president, Hippie
would take the auditor's certificate that
the loans were correct and the direct
ors at their regular meetings would un
suspectingly and unhesitatingly pass
them. In reality Hippie loaned the
company's money to an amount corre
sponding exactly with the bogus list
on collateral of doubtful value, not ne
gotiable or readily convertible. Neither
the auditor nor the directors ever saw
Hippie's real list of wildcat loans.
Hippie wns 07 years old and up to
the time of bis terrlblo exposure bis
life was without blemish.
Roaaettl'a Ghoat Picture.
Gabriel Rossettl, poet and painter,
was once visited by an East Indian
prince, who said to him :
"I wish to give you a commission to
paint a portrait of my father."
"Is your father lu London?" asked
Rossettl.
"No, my father Is dead," replied the
Oriental.
"Have you some photographs of him
or any portrait?"
"We have no portraits of him of any
kind."
"How can I paint a portrait of him,
then?" asked the artist. "It Is Impossi
ble. I could not think of attempting
anything so absurd."
"Why Is It ubsurd?" demanded the
prince, gravely. "You paint pictures
of Mary Magdalene and Circe and John
the Baptist, and yet you have never
seen any of them. Why can you not
paint my father?"
The prince wns so lusistent that
Rossettl yielded In sheer desperation.
He painted an Ideal head that was cer
tainly oriental aud also regal lu Its
bearing. The prince cam in great state
to view It. When the canvas was un
covered he looked at It steadily aud
then burst Into tears.
"How father has changed 1" ho cried.
Everybody's Magazine.
llrlwren Frlenil.
Askltt Isu't that a new umbrella?
Noltt No; It has been In my posses
sion for nearly two years.
Askltt Don't you think It about
time you returned It?
A farmer is kicking ou the opening
of so much Indian land. "Gosh I We
cant get enough rain on the land that
la already opened," he said.
S3
"Arabella," called the father from
the head of the stairs, "is that young
man gone?" "Yes, father. Complete
ly." Teacher Why did the undents be
lieve the earth to be flat? Bright Boy
Cause they didn't have no school
globes to prove It was round.
"I, sir," began Bragg, "am a self
made man." "Yes," replied Wise, "but
why apologize now ? That won't help
matters." Philadelphia Press.
.Mrs. Madison How do you in;e yoir
icw neighbors? Mrs. Dyer I doiVt
iimw. 1 haven't tried to borrow uni-
.Mrs. Madi.son How do you like yotor
new
kr
thing yet. Town and County.
Diggs I understand that Higglnsjl
quite a clever financier. Biggs Well,
he Isn't Why, that man never beat
anybody out of a cent In his life.
"Algy, don't you find married life
more expensive than bachelorhood?'.
"Well, It may be more expensive than a
rigidly single life, but it's cheaper than
courtship."
Senior Partner There's one thing to
be said In favor of classical music.
Junior Partner What Is that? Senior
Partner The office boy can't whistle It
Chicago News.
Mrs. FUji 1 have Just been talking
to a specialist, and he says my brain
vitality has all gone to my long hair.
Do yiu believe It? Fill) Well, er I
knew It hau gone! Detroit Free Press.
Medical Student What did you op
erate on that man for? Eminent Sur
geon Five hundred dollars. Medical
Student I mean, what did he have?
Eminent Surgeon Five hundred dol
lars. Puck.
At the Garage. Boy Mr. Smith Is
telephoning for his machine. Can you
send it to him to-day? Head Man
Don't see how we cnn. Why, this ma
chine is the only one around here fit to
use! Life.
"Is there any available substitute for
rubber?" asked the instructor of the
class. "Yes, sir," answered Miss De
Muir. one of the fair coeds. "I think
'stare' or 'gape is Just as good." Chl
cugo Tribune.
Green I cannot understand why De
Short wants a divorce. Ills wife had
nearly half a million when he uinrrled
her. Brown Yes, and she has every
dollar of It yet. That's the trouble
Chicago Daily News.
"Yes, I'm going to spend a few weeks
nt Kiospmau's summer resort Mr
stomach is all out of order, and I need
a nst." "Well, your stomach will get
a good rest there, too. 1 know the
place." Chicago Tribune.
"I supiose that some of your battle
scenes are very realistic?" said the
sympathizer. "Yes." said the bum actor,
"I have Impersonated Napoleon at
Waterloo several times when real shells
were bursting all about me." Kansas
City Times.
"Mamma, what are twins?" asked lit
tle Bobby. "Oh, I know," chimed in
Dorothy, with all the superiority of an
elder sister. "Twins is two babies Just
the same age; three Is triplets, four Is
quadrupeds and five Is centipedes."
Harper's Weekly.
"You'll have to fix the poem over be
fore I cun buy It," said the editor.
"There appears to be something the
matter with Its feet "I would have
you understand, sir," said the bard,
with dignity, "that I am a poet and not
a chiropodist." Cleveland Leader.
"I would like a pound of your golf
sausage," she said to the butcher. "Golf
sausage? Sorry, madam, but we don't
handle It. We have blood sausage,
llverwurst, ham sausage, and other
kinds, but no golf sausage." "Oh, dear,
I'm so sorry. My husband said ho
aiuch preferred the kind made in links."
Milwaukee Sentinel.
A little girl was out walking with her
aunt ono day. The aunt bowed to a
man they were passing. "Who Is he,
Aunt Jennie?" asked the little girl.
Mrs. Llttlelleld told her that ho was
Mr. Melrose, the village undertaker.
"Oh, yes," replied the child quickly. "I
remember him. He undertook my
grandmother." Harper's Bazar.
GrtOWIH OF TROUT.
Ave, Food aud Temprrature Seem (
Have No Dearlnu on Slse.
The sakclluus foutlualls, which Is
currently but luaceurutely tailed brook
trout, was supposed for mauy years to
be a small fish. Agasslz was largely
Instrumental In exploding this fallacy,
says the St. Paul Dispatch. It Is not
an uncommon thing for an angler with
ordinary luck to get a six or seven
pound trout of this variety. It Is known
that a trout may grow to weigh eleven
or twelve pounds. There Is, however,
great difficulty lu accounting for Its
variation In size.
In Northeastern Canada there are
large streams and lakes In which only
fingerlings have ever been found. In
the Immediate vicinity of such waters
three and four-pound trout are quite
common and seven and eight-pounders
ire not phenomenal. In all these wa
ters i nistacca do not abound; there are
no small tish of any kind except small
trout. All the lish are pure tly feed
ers. At some places. It Is true, frogs
abound, but, taken as a whole, the dif
ference lu food supply Is not an ade
quate explanation for the difference in
grow th.
Tin-re Is no substantial difference la
the waters as to temperature, size, ori
gin nnd course. Climatic conditions
are the same. The small trout taken to
virgin lakes In which there are no fish
have sometimes trrown to a great size,
have sometimes remained small and
sometimes have not thriven. The
anglers who haunt these waters hava
not yet found a satisfactory explana
tion of this peculiar .onditlou of things.
It Is ono of the uiysterles which lends
fascination to the art. "You never can
tell what Is going to happen when you
go fishing."
When you try to lie funny what M
awful mass you uuke of it I