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CAN YOU FIND THE BALANCE?
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HUMOR IS AN ELEMENT OF LITE.
By Jutiln McCarthy,
Mortal life Is eo full of perplexities, disap
pointments and reverses that It must be hard
work Indeed for a man who Is endowed with
no sense of humor to keep his spirits up
through seasons of difficulty and depression,
the disheartening effects of commonplace and
prosaic discouragements. A man who easily
Is disheartened does not appear to he destined
hy nature for the overcoming of difllcultles,
and nothing Is a happier Incentive to the maintenance of
good animal spirits than the quick sense of humor which
finds something to muke n Jest of even conditions which
bring hut a sinking of the heart to the less fortunately
endowed mortal.
Turn to the extraordinary career of Abraham Lin
coln, Here we have a man Who could apply his gift of
humor to the most practical purpose of political life. lie
could put new heart Into discouraged followers hy some
suddenly appropriate Jest; he could throw light on some
obscure problem In statesmanship by a humorous anec
dote; he could reduce some opposing proposition to mere
absurdity by a ludicrous comparison; he could dispose
of some pretentious objection by a Jocular phrase. We
know how his marvelous gift of humor sustained and
comforted those around him In the darkest season of
what seemed to be almost hopeless gloom. The whole
career of the man would have been different If he had
not been endowed with this marvelous possession, and,
Indeed, it hardly seems possible to form any conception
of Abraham Lincoln without his characteristic and price
less endowment of humor.
I am confident that the more closely and deeply the
question Is studied from the history of any time, and
from all thot we know of the lives of great men, the
more clear it will become that humor may be consid
ered one of the elements of success, along with perse
verance, intelligence, clearness of purpose, readiness of
resource aud enduring hope.
IF LOVE BE GOING. LET HIM GO.
By Helen Olddeld.
When a woman has to recall ber lover to
her side, let her do so by her charm and by
her smiles rather than by reproaches, tears and
sulks. When a man sees or fancies that an
other man Is preferred, his self-love Is hurt,
and he feels that he Is Injured. If the wom
an Is his promised wife, he hns a right to
protest, but If not he has no real cause for
complaint, nnd will be wise to devote him
self to the task of cutting the other man out rather than
to picking a quarrel with Ills lady love. A Jealous girl
once said to the sister of her fiance at the end of a visit
to his home: "You will keep him for me; won't you?"
The sister answered: "If a man needs to be kept by
some one else he Is not worth having." Better let either
man or woman go, however dear they may be, than be
' bound by the galling cords of a Jealous love.
For, Indeed, the love which continually must be fed
and nursed, which cannot stand alone. Is not worth the
trouble It occasions. Still less Is It wise to cjlng to the
cold corpse of a dead love. Better, far better, to bury it
out of sight and forget It, If one can. And If one ac
tually cannot forget, one can at least pretend to do so.
The art of making believe Is a useful one In human life,
and there Is much wisdom in the caustic saying that
hyiwcrisy upon occasion Is one of the greatest virtues
which a woman can possess. A man generally may show
his feelings without reproach, but no such license Is al
lowed a woman. Neither can any deny that it sometimes
happens that one may pretend so well as to deceive not
only others, but one's self; may wear mask so well
that one's features take on Its shape aud iiemblance. If
this end be not accomplished. It Is much to be able to
hide one's hurt, to cover It from the prying eyes of one's
neighbors, from the touch of one's friends whose well
meaning pity often Is beyond endurance.
The best way to forget a grief Is to turn away from It,
to resist the yearning to weep over It, to cherish It, and
to busy one's self bravely with the work which always Is
within reach of one's hand, either for one's self, or, still
better, for others.
WHAT DOCTORS WILL DO IN UTOPIA.
By . O. Wells.
In that extravagant world of which I dream,
In which working people will live In delight
ful cottages and everyone will have a chance
of b"ing happy In that Impossible world all
doctors will be members of one great organi
sation for the public health, with nil or most
of their Income guaranteed to them; I doubt
If there will be any private dot-tors at all.
Behind the first line of my medical army
will be a second line of able men constantly digesting
n"w research for Its practical needs, correcting, explain
ing, announcing, and In addition a force of public spe
cialists to whom every difficulty In diagnosis will be at
once referred. And there will be a properly organized
system of reliefs that will allow the general practitioner
and his right hand, the nurse, to come back to the re
freshment of study before his knowledge and mind have
got rusty.
Then In my Utopia, for every medical man who was
mainly occupied In practice I would Jiavo another who
was occupied In or about research. It seems Incapable
of Imagining how enormous are the untried possibilities
of research. Of course. If you will only pay a handful
of men salaries at which the cook of any large hotel
would turn up his' nose, you cannot expect to have tho
master minds of the world at your service; and, save
for a few Independent or devoted men, therefore, It is
not reasonable to suppose that such n poor little drlbblo
of medical research as Is now going on Is In the hands
of persons of much more than average mental equipment.
How can it be?
PROOF VS. TRUTH IN LAW COURTS.
By Laurence Houaman.
The most famous question ever put by a Judge
from the seat of judgment was "What Is truth?''
That It should have gone unanswered, If honest
ly propounded, had been astonishing; but tho
silence Is well explained If we read Into tTie
question n nearer and more pertinent mean
ing: "What have 1 a judge to do with
truth?" Is such a rending far fetched? As
suredly, from that day on, It Is often at the seot
of judgment that the greatest pains have been taken to
let the question go unanswered. "What Is proof?" has
stood for a substitute. It Is not always the same thing.
Within my recollection the most thorough setback to
tho skill of the cross examiner has come from the man
of honor, of unblemished reputation, but no memory,
from the man of business, of fine ability but no princi
ples, and from the off-scouring of humanity with no pros
pects nnd no shame. I can think now of Individual and
Illustrative cases, and In each case the witness' defeat
carried him to triumph; lack of memory, lack of princi
ples, lack of shame, gave to each witness a self-possession
from which he could never be disturbed ; each was
able to tell the truth as ho saw It, and the wrecking
efforts of cross examination were of no avail.
EATIN' ROASTIIM EARS.
Roastin' ears you've et 'em, friend.
Lots o' times, I know
Ef you ain't you've lost about
Half yer life, by Joe!
Rons tin' ears, fresh frum the field
Golly ! ain't they great?
I kin eat, oh, nine or ten,
When I hit my gait.
c
Cut out style an' ettiket;
Don't want none in mine
When I'm eatin' rn.isti-.i' ears,
Steamin', sweet an' fine;
Elbows on the table? Sure;
Dig in with my mouth;
That's the time, friend, roastln' eara
Has me goiu' south.
Kin; can have their royal feasts,
With their high-toned grub.
Their fine eatin' wouldn't suit
This here country dub
In the summer, 'less they had,
I'iled up 'foj my plate,
ItoaKtin' ears fresh frum the field,
Golly, ain't they great?
Denver Tost.
1 THE MASTER OF H'LINDY.
W1
ELL, I allow a man's the mas-
"He ain't no such thing,
Seth Mortan, and I'd never marry a
man that thinks so."
"Trouble with you, M'lludy, you've
been reading too many of those new
woman books Instead of keeping track
of the eggs aud milk. When you're
married to me you 11 look at things In
a different way."
The red deepened In M'llndy's
cheeks, the soft brown eyes changed
to a fierce black for this was the last
Btraw. From a few loving words they
had drifted upon dangerous ground
which led to the battlefield.
"A woman has as much to say as a
man, and If you think you're going to
be my master I won't marry you.
There's your ring If you want a sluve,
go and find her."
With a dazed but Indignant look aft
r the flyin;r M'lindy, Seth picked up
tha ring "d strode ungrlly from the
yard.
Five days later, M'lindy, milk pall in
hand, walked slowly down the lane.
"Said I'd better look after my milk
lug and Seth knows I always do my
work Jack, O, Jack I That boy's off
ngnln, and he knows Briudle won't let
a woman milk her. Not but what I'd
do anything that Seth wanted me to
do. Come, now, Brindle, be good. I've
got trouble enough. There I you near
. Iy kicked me, not to speak of the dent
In the new pall. Well, I'll soon show
you that no briudle cow will ever be
master of me anyway!"
Determination sat upon the brow of
the fair M luidy as she hurried to the
house and up to Jack's room. There
upon the floor were tho working
clothe of the absent boy.
"I'll do it! I Just want to know how
t feels to lie a master man. anyway."
Qulvkly ru.cvt:ij l:er clotblsj, she,
as hastily as possible, donned the mas
culine apparel. Trousers, coat, bob-
nailed shoes, and, last of all, the large
straw hat, which she pulled well down
over her face.
"Ha, ha, ha ! I look enough like Jack
to be his twin. I'll whistle his favor
ite, 'Good-By, M' Honey.'"
Brindle, hearing the old song, and
seeing Jack's familiar garb, bawled a
welcome. The apparent change of sex
worked like a charm, and M'lindy soon
completed the milking.
Meanwhile, Seth Morton was hurry
ing up the lane. For three days he
had hung around in hopes of seeing
his sweetheart, each day venturing
nearer to the bouse. Now, seeing Jack,
IHi i: vsffi ffl - w
WALKED SLOWLY
LAXE.
DOWN THE
us he supposed, he decided to send
some word to M'lindy.
"Hello, Jack! I thought I saw you
going away a while ago, but I'm glad
you're here, for I want you to tell your
Aunt ai nuuy something ror me.
What's tho matter with you. Jack?
Why don't you look around you alu't
turned agalust me, too, are you?
"See here, Jack, here's a knife I
bought a-purpose for you what, won't
take it? You needn't think I'm trying
to bribe you, 'cause I ain't. I'll Just
put It In your coat pocket, and don't
run away before I get through. Well,
I don't expect you to answer.
"I hope M llttdy well, Jack, and
that she don't hate inn 'cause I'd
rather be dead. You Just tell her I
dou t allow to be anybody g matter,
of all hers It's too lonesoino-
least
like.
"Tell her I'm out here waiting for
her, hoping she'll forget all the fool
Isli things I said the other day.
"And, Jack, here's the ring she threw
away give it to her, ana ask tier to
let me put It on her finger again for
she's tho only one I can ever care for,
Here, take it, quick."
The music of love's voice filled
M'llndy's heart with Joy, and, entirely
forgetting her strange attire, she turned
with n glad cry and took the ring from
the hand of the astounded Seth.
With the ring came confusion and
dismay. M'lindy started to run, but a
pair of strong arms soon clasped her
to n happy heart.
"There! M'lindy, you've- got no call
to be ashamed. I know old Brludle'u
fallings and any woman who can
master her Is able to be her own mas
ter and M'lindy, I want you to know
I'm In the same lxiat with old Brta
die." Wuverley Magazine.
It la a Pretty little Problem Otoc
Which Esnert Dlnirtt,
One of my customers Is a man who
has lucid Intervals most of ths time,
but hits occasional paroxysms of Insan
ity, nays a writer in the Business Man's
Ma gating.
One afternoon about two weeks ag;
he came Into my office after every lody
Ise had gone borne. I had Just flulahed
writing up my cash book and had ruled
It off and brought down the balance
on the debit side.
Ho said he wanted to pay something
on account, but that It must be entered
on that day and not on tho next To
humor hlui (as I needed the money) I
agreed to scratch out my figures and
lines and to enter his payment th.it
day.
He started by asking me what bal
ance 1 naa on nana, ami, raincr man
have a row with an insane man, I read
the figures to him. Ho wrote them on a
scrap of pnper and divided the amount
by three.
He then snld that he could divide
any number by three that had certain
peculiarities; nnd he wild that If ony
number that was exactly divisible by
three should Iks subtracted from the
quotient he had obtained by divid
ing my cash balance by three the re
mainder would also be exactly divisible
by three.
For Instance, $3.70 was exactly di
visible by three. So, having divided
my balance by three, he subtracted
$8.70 from the quotient; and he showed
me that the remainder could bo di
vided by three.
He then remarked that he was go
ing to pay me a whole lot more thin
that, and so he multiplied the remain
der above mentioned by Itself and gavs
me his clieck for an amount equal to
that product He then took out of his
pocket a check that he had received
for J406.2C and indorsed that over to
me.
I now noticed that my new balance,
after entering these receipts, would be
exactly ten times my original balance.
I started in to make my entries, and
had proceeded only so fur as to gel
the old balance nnd the lines erased
from my cash look, when something
happened. I found out afterward thai
tho lunatic had been taken with a vl
olcLt frenzy and had suddenly struck
me n terrific blow on the side of my
head.
When I recovered consciousness the
man had disappeared. He had taken
the checks he had given me, as well us
every cent from tho cash drawer.
Even worse than that, he had torn
up my cash book and thrown It Into the
open grate, where nothing remained ot
It but a buuch of ashes and n few
charred cinders. Absolutely the only
fragment that remained of it was the
credit side or that last day's work,
which lay on the floor near tho fire
place.
This contained only a few Items. The
figures brought forward had been
burned off, and as I lind scratched out
the balance (In red) and the sum (In
black), I had no record of what my
balance was, and I could not and I can
not remember It
But I recollect his peculiar way: He
divided my old balance by three, nnd
from tho quotient so obtained he sub
tracted $8.70. The remainder ho mill
tlplled by Itself and he then gave me
a check equal to the product, be
sides a check for $400.20, and I no
tleed that after I should make these
entries, my new cash balance would be
Just ten times my old balance.
I have had two expert accountants
figure at this thing, but their calcuhi
norm of my original balance do not
agree. There is nearly $20 difference
between them.
i sr.
3
Opinions of Great Papers on Important Subjects.
All a I. Ia Would Care For.
"Oh, that's a mero quibble," said
Walter Camp, Yale's athletic adviser,
during a discussion of football rules.
"It reminds me of two boys of a friend
of mine whom I visited Inst summer.
" 'Here,' said their mother to the old
er of them one day; 'here Is a banana.
Divide it with your little brother, and
see that he gets tho lion's share.'
"The younger child, a few minutes
later set up a great bawling.
" 'Mamma,' he shrieked, 'John hasn't
given me ony banana.'
" 'What's this?' said tho mother, hur
rying In.
" 'It's all right,' explained the older
boy. 'Lions don't eat bananas.' " Wo
man's Homo Companion.
tells
Kmlmrraaalnit.
A Philadelphia business man
this story on himself :
"You know in this city there nre
two telephone companies," he said,
"and In my ofllce I have a telephone of
each company. Last week I hired n
new ollice boy, and one of his duties
was to answer the telephone. The other
day, when one of tho bells rang, he an
swered the call, and then came in and
told me I was wanted on the phone by
my wife.
"Which one?' I Inquired, quickly,
thinking of the two telephones, of
course.
'Please, sir, stammered the loy, I
don't know how many you have.' "
Overripe.
"The life of an oyster." Mild tho sci
entific person, "may be fifteen years,
but never more than that."
Indeed?" replied Jlgsby. "Then one
of the oysters I got In u stew yester
day must have been about 10 years
old." Philadelphia Ledger. I
A I'ubllu lleurfavtur. I
Why diil you name your big touring
car The Malthu?' "
"Because It help to keep down the
surplus p.jpulatli.n." Baltimore Ameri
ca u.
How Deep Is the Alrf
One hundred and thirty-one miles !s
the height of the atmosphere, r.s meas
ured by Prof. T. J. J. See, who de
termines the thickness of the air en
velope by noting the difference between
the time of sunset and the complete
disappearance of blue from the sky.
The moment at which tho blue
changes into black can be observed
quite easily with approximate certain
ty by tho naked eye when the air Is
clear, and by trigonometry may be as
certained the distance below the hor
izon of tho sun at the moment of
change. By this means may be calcu
lated the height of tho smallest Il
luminated particles of oxygen and ni
trogen, which give to the sky Its bluest
tint by the reflection of the smallest
wave lengths of the sun's light.
The Instant of change from blue to
black Is possibly a Uttlo difficult of
exact observation, but the method is
not more doubtful than thut based on
the observation of shooting stars. The
shooting star method gives a result
not greatly differing from the vanish
ing blue method. ' The former gives the
height of the atmosphere at lW miles.
2
Dtaad on One Leg.
There appears to 1k no end to the
variety of health exercises, and the
latest Is the most novel of them all.
"Standing on one leg," asserts Stylltes,
"Is tho finest exercise In the world."
He devqtes a quarter of an hour by the
clock to It every day, and on one mis
guided occasion he uctually kept his
balance for twenty-five minutes at a
stretch. "It exerc ises every muscle in
tho body," he divlares. "anil keeps me
In tip-top condition. I should advise
your rentiers to begin with a minute at
a time. They will find It qulie enough."
Tit Bits,
lie Found the Mrpalrbrr.
"When you go to X.'.v Zealand I
wish you would Inquire ufter my great
grandfather, Jeremiah Thompson."
"Certainly," said tho traveler, ti ml
wherever he went he asked for new of
the ancestor, but without avail, accord
ing to Tho Dundee Advertiser. One day
he was Introduced to a tlnu old Maori
of advanced age. "Did you ever meet
with an Englishman uamed Jeremiah
Thompson?" he asked. A smile, passed
over the Maori's face. "Miet him?" he
repeated. "Why, I ato him!" New
York Tribune.
Honesty 1 the excuse
liiun fur LU povert;.
There never was a king, were ho not
afraid of the queen, wh wouldn't flirt
with tho cook.
NATIONAL VESTS.
on several years Massachusetts has been
F fighting the gipsy moth and the browntall
I moth, prolific Insects, of which the caterpll-
til n niM.vn .....v- ...... . . .....
and If not cheeked defoliate and ultimately
kill them.
These moths have been spreading Into
neighboring States, and threaten to cover the country.
The problem has thus become a national one. Congress
and State Legislatures have been Informed of the dan
ger; State and national foresters and entomologists have
been studying methods of extermination.
What may be the career of these moths Is suggested
by the story of the Colorado beetle, the common potato
bug. Fifty years ago Its habitat was the then unsettled
Rocky Mountain regions, where It lived on the sand-buv.
Civilization brought the potato, which proved richer
food, and the beetle multiplied and spread. By 1S75 It
had reached the Atlantic. It Is significant that when the
beetle tried to make a home In F.urojH It was promptly
stamped out. What State thirty years ngo would have
appropriated a few thousand dollars, to stamp out this
bug, which hns done damage to the extent of many
millions.
Terhaps there was not money to spare or sufficient
knowledge to wage effective war against the potato bug.
But now our States are rich, and knowledge of Insecti
cides show us the means of fighting the browntall and
the gipsy.
With due recognition of the good work that has been
done in Massachusetts, It remains true that the spread
of these moths has been due to lack of promptness and
continuity In the efforts to check them. States which
have not yet been Infested may be benefited by the hard
experience of New England, and be ready for the pests
when they first appear. Foreknowledge, to be derived
from printed mutter from Massachusetts and tho national
government, may save many a tree standing hundreds of
miles from where the moths are now found. Youth's
Companion.
THE CRAZE FOR EUROPE.
HE unprecedented nrosoerlt.v of the United
-
r I States Is manifesting Itself In the desire to
I I visit Europe. No Inclination along the lux-
111 11' ll a iiii:n ua mvu vi o uui riijTttui7i
It Is borne out In the growth of the traffic
between our shores and Europe, which has
an unexampled and unlooked for develop
ment Just as marvelous as our advancement In other directions.
The American who visits Europe Is apt to go ngaln If
bis means warrant. He may be disappointed In some of
his anticipations, but on the whole ho Is well satisfied.
Some, however, aver that they could not be hired to make
the trip again. "America Is good enough for me !" is an
expression often reiterated by this class. Few of (hem,
however, abide by this decision. Tho mnjorltyi after
being home a few months, begin to think tho crossing of
the Atlantic and the strolling around Europe not so bad
after all. And soon they are engaged In selecting a
steamer and getting ready for another sail across the
ocean. Not two but many voyages will be placed to their
credit before traveling Is given up. Holding the patron
age of those who are persuaded to go, the steamship
companies have likewise the benent or those whose In
creasing incomes permit this indulgence In first-class style
and whom the United States furnishes by tho tens of
thousands euoli year. During the busy months this de
mand has grown to such proportions that Intending pas
sengers In large numbers have had to abandon tho trip
rather than to make it In unuesirahie quarters. Jiuougn
all the lines in the traffic are building steamers of great
Ize they cannot catch up with the clamor for summer
transportation. One company has ordered alx new steam
era for next year, of immense tonnage, to see if there Is
such a thing possible as providing for all the Yankees
seeking Europe during the pleasant months of the year.
It Is calculated that Americans will spend S4X),WU,iaju
In Europe this year and this outlay can give some Idea
of the numbers and the wealth of our countrymen whose
expenditures go a considerable way In the enrichment
of hotels, restaurants, stores and places of amusements.
Some will lament that this money Is being circulated away
from home, but In return the various countries give us
sturdy tollers to aid In developing our country, thereby
Increasing Its wealth and in turn sending their employers
over the ocean to swell the multitudes thronging the Inns,
bazars and playhouses. It Is a reciprocal arrangement
nnd Is not the Impoverishing practice that some of our
peoplo Imagine. Utlca Globe.
III
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH ANARCHISTS f !
T Is hardly, to be supposed that there has
been wholly absent from the mind of any
one In the civilised world, since the recent
shocking crime in Madrid, the recurrence of
a question which has been many times in
sistently asked and never satisfactorily an
swered, nnd that Is, What ought to be done
with the anarchists? It Is a surprising thing that there
has been no attempt by International agreement to crush
an organization which Is not only the foe of all govern- j
ments, but hostile to organised society. The total number
of anarchists Is very small, they are known to the polio ,
and the authorities of the countries where they live. !
Why are they permitted to go on unmolested and mur- !
der one ruler after another? Within the wesk a Rus
sian anarchist has delivered an address In Washington
In German, In which he openly urged the killing of sover- j
clgns by bombs; and this is the avowed doctrine of the
organization. They not only proclaim the doctrine, but
lose no opportunity to carry It Into effect ant aoclety bIU
with folded hands and lets them go on with their der-'
lllsh wort. A, ytjle todM malcontents, bcj JmJt f
declared war" on society, and are at 6pen war with it j1
Why should not society declare war on them? ..
At least every declared anarchist should be seized, con-
detuned and deported to some settlement from which es
cape would be Impossible, and where they could enjoy
each other's society and be free to carry out their theories
on each other. It is hard to understand the apathy that
prevails among us on the subject. Are we waiting for
another horror to rouse us to a sense of the duty of
self-protection? Anglo-Saxons have not been wont to
deal with dangers that threaten them In such fashion.
Personal liberty Is not to be interfered with, but no man
Is free to go about spreading contagion. Free speech Is
to be protected, but within the limits of law, and not
when It Inevitably leads to assassination and the over- '
throw of the established social order. Washington Post
it
POLITICAL "CORRUPTION" IN ENGLAND.
HE strictness with which England guards the
TI purity of elections Is strikingly illustrated
I In a case Just reported, in which a mem
I Hap rtf- Pnrllnnmnr lma linnn tmaanod htfanu
of "corrupt practices." He Is a member of
the Liberal party, which has an overwhelm
ing majority in Parliament and Is the eldest
sou of a peer; yet these circumstances did not avail to
save him from the penalty of the law. The most serious
charge against him was that be had corrupted, or tried
to corrupt, the voters by entertaining them at a garden
party. Just suppose such "corruption" of voters were for
bidden In this country! New York Tribune.
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCXXJOOCO
R COLONIAL CARELESSNESS, g
COLONIAL CARELESSNESS.
OCOCOOOCOOOCXDOOOOCOOOOOOOa
Distressing accidents, such as wo
find chronicled in the newspapers of
our colonial era, bring home vividly to
posterity tho fact that dangers to life
and limb existed before the dtty of the
dynamite cracker and the automobile.
Children, rambling outdoors, and grown
persons besides, says tho author of
"Americans of 1770," would pick nnd
eat strange berries, roots and vegeta
bles that turned out poisonous; and lu
vain did newspapers warn agulnst
mushrooms, hemlock, Ivy and other
growing things.
Clumsiness at work on the part of
the Injured or Injurer did much mortal
mischief. A man droped from his lad
der or scaffolding while repairing a
house, or was scalded to death by an
overturned kettle of isitash or maple
sap. We read of u father and three
sons who wero killed by ouffocatlon,
one after another, while descending Into
a pit without first testing for carbonic
acid.
People were careless, moreover, In
the uso of powder and firearms when
the Revolutionary era begun. At Hurt
ford the legislature voted Joyfully to
the townsfolk two barrels of powder
for volleys lu honor of tho reieul of
tU Stamp Act. The powder was kept
in a sehoolhouse, and tho militiamen,
when filling their horns with It, left
some spilled on tho floor.
The school children, playing with
the black grains, set thtuS oil fire, and
the train led to a powder barrel, which
exploded with tremendous concussion.
The sehoolhouse was blown up, and
many children were killed.
A fire In Aiulover In 1770 burned to
the ground an old house next the meeting-house,
and Its three lonely and aged
inmate perished In tho flames. But
"providentially," as one newspaper re
marked, tho church escaped unharmed.
Two old maiden sister, It seems,
were In the habit of smoking their
pipe after they got Into bed, whence,
probably, the disaster. "Therefore,"
adds the chronicler, "It may not bo
anils to caution people against such
a practice."
Comfort.
"Oh, John!" began Mrs. Choerle,
I'm almost afraid to tell you."
"To tell mo what?" replied Cheerio.
"Why, the moths have made several
hole in your lust summer's suit."
"Well, that's good news In a way.
It shows thwre's sumo wool lu It and I
never suspected thut before." Phila
delphia Press.
THE GERMAN MOTOR-DRIVEN WAR-BALLOON.
"W
.A
uf many a ; A muo should huvo em, afcd.
vomtn
An Anfal Mixture.
Assistant "What Is tho nuture of
the patient's malady?"
Doctor "She wus the nursemuld of
two sets of twins; she went cruzy try
lug to tell them upart" Detroit Fred
Pre J.
Tho balloon, with which tho German army authorities havo been experi
menting, bus a long, torpedo-like euvelo;e. It is kept rigid, not by any frame
work, but by two smull balloons within the great enveloping sack. The Inven
tor, Major von Perseral, claims that bU balloon can bo deflated and packed
up very much quicker than nny other existing aerostat
GRANT OAK TO BE PRESERVED.
Tree neueath Whlo' Commliiloil mm
Brltradler General Wa Received.
One of Missouri's historic spots, a
private pork at Ironton, eighty-eight
miles south of St. Louis, containing the
giant oak tree under which Ulysses S.
Grant stood when ho received his com
mission fls a brigadier general, ana me
spring from which he slaked his thirst
during his encampment there, was sold
bv a circuit Court auctioneer a fw
days ago at tho door of the Iron Coun
ty courthouse.
The tract of eight acres, known lo
cally as Emerson Park, was kno.'k"4
down to Dr. W. J. Smith, or Ironton,
for $7,omi. It Is understood that Dr.
Smith was bidding In tho Intarost of
an Ironton syndicate which has ac-
. . , l. .1 !.(... I...
qu red me piace wuu u- ujw ul i:u-
j. roving it and selling It to the l nlti-d
States government, If possible, for n
national park.
Emerson Park Is famous f.ir !U in,s
g.'sslon of the Grant oak. Tills tr Is
to Missouri what the Washington elm
Is to Cambridge, Mass., or the Charter
oak, when It stood, was to Hart'i-d.
Cunu. During the more than forty-four
years that have elapsed lme Grant
made his headquarters at tiv spit the
tree has been visited by th :ind- ot
St. Loulslaus, many of whom have so
journed in Arcadia, half a nil h, to tho
south, for tlin summer rest and .Hn-rea-tlon.
and by many tourists froiu fur
away stints,
The Grant oak Is one of the first- ob
jects pointed out to the visitor lu the
Arcadia valley. It stands almost U
the center of the valley uud Is a ri'g,-ud
and towering giant, apparently capa
ble of withstanding the st.inm of many
more winters.
This tree, !t U fall! by old resident-!
of Ironton, was almost as large In war
time as at present About four feet
from Its base Is a splendid spring, one
of those never-fulling sources of pure
water supply for which the Ozark coun
try Is noted. In 1801 this vicinity was
practically an open field, though there
was a largo log house not far away
containing several rooms. St Loula
ilepubllc. TSTf
Precautionary Treatment.
The Dutch peasant lives with canals
all about him, and reaches his cottage
by way of a drawbridge. Perhaps It Is
In the blood of the Dutch child,. says n
writer In M. A. P., not to fall Into a
canal. At all events, the Dutch mother
never appears to anticipate such a pos
sibility. One can Imagine the average English
or AnnTtnui mother trying to bring up
a family lu a house surrounded by
canals. She would never have a mo
ment's peace until the children were
l:i bed. But then the mere sight of a
canal to the English child suggests the
delights of a suddeu and unexpected
bath.
An Englishman Inquired of a Dutch
woman, "IKm's a Dutch child ever by
unv chamv fall into a cuual?"
"Yes," she replied, "cases have U-en
known."
"Don't you do anything for It?" con
tinued the questioner.
"Oh, yes," she answered. "We haul
them oiit again."
"Bui what I mean U," explained the
Englishman, "don't you do anything
to prevent their fulling lu? To save
them from falling la again?" ,
"Yes," she answered. "v spank
thp:u."
When, an opilm'.st gets tilt worst ot
it be iiiuke t'.;i! bi'-t tf It.