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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (July 23, 1918)
The Omaha Bee DAILY (MORNING) EVENING SUNDAY FOUNDED BY ED WASP ROSE WATER VICTOR ROSEWATER. EDITOR THE BEE PUBLISHING COMPANY. PROPRIETOR. MEMBER OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS foe AJBxxtuo mat, a whiok The Has Is Beat, to "ot?i entitled M the eta tot publication 0 ell sew d ipw to t or m etaa-wlte trRliud la this peeer. sad also Ue toeal e.w iwbllelied hsMa. All -laws at puoUoauoo ol ou special doaV-" are alas reesrisd. OFFICES Dnk-tto MM MI4IM. CMoeao Pe-We BaHdar IKoSiSu itS. NeTW-ssa pja al CowmU BIfT 14 N. Mala a. . Uole-Ns- B's at Cocaauee. UaeelB IrtUs Bolltlaa. WubiagwaUU 0 Sit ' , ' ' JUNE CIRCULATION Daily 69,021 Sunday 59,572 anna sUealetlea tar tk aoott. subscribe- sad mm le fcf 0ifh tvilliaaa, OroalaUoa aUaaist. Subscribers kavmg the city should have Tha Baa mailed ta then. Address changed eft aa regit tad. , THE BEE'S SERVICE FLAG. Hi II JJJJJJJJJ55J Oh.no! The raw Yankee can't fightt Muggy weather? Yes, but think what it is doing for the corn. ; Unless signs fail, "Met" will now have another taste of the "sting of ingratitude." ' At usual, the bolshevik republicans rush at once to the hyphenated democratic organ for aid and , comfort , - Well, the "Jims" gave the "Jacks" the custom, ary kick, and the recipients will smile and take it, as usual ' When the U-boat invades the exclusive pre cincts of the sacred codfish, the desperation of the Hun is apparent It is not hard to tell which candidates are de pending upon the questionable Nonpartisan league bunch to put them over. The Bee's Free Milk and Ice fund for the re- - lief of hot weather little tots responds to every worthy call. It is 100 per cent charity. ' - Berlin will thrill when it learns how a U-boat sank a couple of barges and threw some shells ashore off Cape Cod. Another chapter of that adventure may be written later on. The sad feature of Senator Sherman's satir ical speech in the senate is that it rests on estab lished facts at to the mismanagement of the pub licity department of the war activities. With Kronprini "Willie" sending out "S. 0. S." and Kronprina Ruprecht answering "25," the situation In France is fairly summed up. N. B. In telegrapher's parlance. "25" means "busy on mother line." 1 Omaha offers the republicans of the state a candidate for senator, two candidates for gov ernor, a candidate for lieutenant-governor and candidates for few other state offices.? On the democratic side Omaha patriots are almost as numerous. There is no shortage in the political crop in this vicinity. v ' A :r . Nine hundred more "physically fit and morally j competent" young men marched away from Omaha yesterday to enter on the greatest assign ment of their lives. The spectacle was one to in spire a patriot, and the boys took the send-off they got as an evidence that the home folks are back of them to the finish.; All over the country similar sights were noted, the outward signs of a great free people moving in defense of its liberty. Tyranny can not withstand such force, no matter how strongly it is intrenched. Federal Farm Loans and the Future. Washington records the fact that in June the several federal farm loan banks put out $8,343,430 long time loans to the farmers of the country. The Omaha bank loaned $804,950 of this. This, is at the rate of $75,000,000 a year for the country, - which is quite up to the program scheduled by the government." Its real significance is that the agrieultural industry is being financed on a much ; sounder basis than heretofore. While it is true that the farmer who can borrow from the gov ernment could get the money from private sources with equal facility, the main advantage lies in another direction. Government loans are made on a conservative valuation. Therefore the borrowing now is not a mortgage on the future at a land value resting on its earning capacity fixed on war prices. When the reaction comes, at it must during the period of readjustment certain to fol low after peace, these borrowers will not find themselves hampered because of a heavy burden of interest charges. It is noteworthy, too, that in , the Omaha district at least, a considerable pro portion! of the borrowing has been to refund other loans at longer time and lower interest. Thus the farmers are getting themselves onto sounder financial footing, which presages well for agriculture as a whole. J IS REPUBLICAN OPPORTUNITY TO BE THROWN AWAY? It is the concensus of opinion that not in years have the republicans of Nebraska had such in viting opportunity to regain control of the state, and not only hold but strengthen their representa tion in congress. On the war issues, the republi cans of this state have been essentially sound while the alliance for mutual benefit of the demo crats with the traitorous German-American alli ance is notorious. Our people generally have been disappointed by democratic failures and shortcomings and are ready to turn to the repub licans if only they give assurance of something better. Is this opportunity now to be' thrown away by fool-hardy repetition of past mistakes? To call' a spade a spade, while Nebraska by rights belongs in the republican column, it has passed to the democrats solely by reason of re publican dissension and division. What has been accomplished toward reunifying the party and reorganizing it upon sanely progressive lines is now in danger of being jeopardized and undone by the submerging of the party's interests be neath eslfish personal ambitions and over-weening greed for power regardless of results. Is it any wonder the democrats can scarcely repress their jubilation at this hoped for but unexpected turn in their favor? In other states those in responsible charge for the party recognize it as their duty to build up rather than to tear down, to mobilize the party forces and close up the ranks for a united front against the political enemy rather than them selves to start cross-firing between their own lines. Nebraska republicans, if we mistake not, want no "bosses" and no "machine." They want broadminded and efficient leadership, leadership that puts patriotism above partisanship but also puts party above self-serving and is willing to rest claims for recognition and reward upon achievement It is not too late, in The Bee's Opinion, to avoid reopening and widening the fac tionalism that has sent the party banner to so many successive defeats. But if the lesson of ex perience it not heeded, if the ammunition and fighting strength are all used up needlessly in a preliminary scrimmage, what is now a fine op portunity to rout the democrats in the November battle will become a precarious task. German Retreat from the Marne. Out of the welter along the Marne shines one encouraging fact the army of the crown prince of Prussia is retiring from along the river, and in a general way is giving up the ground it gained at such terrible cost in four great drives, beginning in March. Thus has an other of the great attempts of the crown prince to reach Paris been thwarted. At Verdun he entered upon what then was the greatest battle of history, pursuing it for ten months without remission, only to lose all the ground he had gained in a fortnight under a well timed counter thrust'by the French. His sweep across Picardy, starting on March 21, opened the most stupen dous battle yet recorded. The advance to Mont didier on the way to Amiens and to a crossing of the Marne on the way to Paris marks the ulti mate achievement of German arms. Now this movement is reversed. ' How far it will go re mains to be teen, but the rear guard of the re treating Germant can testify to the persistence and effectiveness of the Americans in warfare of movement, while the French are pounding away with equal effect On the other end of the line the British are "nibbling" to an extent that must be very disconcerting to Crown Prince Ruprecht of Bavaria, who is having all he can do to maintain his position, and does not evince much eagerness to start another "push" for the Channel ports. Altogether, the cause of the kaiser is faring badly in France and Flanders just now. Joint Intervention in Siberia. While the Washington authorities still are re ticent as to the exact conditions on which the move is to be made, the acceptance by Japan of American terms makes allied joint interven tion in Siberia certain. The good that, is to come from this it hardly to be overestimated. It will, at pointed out in The Bee several days ago, provide a central point from which .to spread orderly government throughout Siberia and ultimately into Russia. Little reason to dread the effect of the move on the Russian peo ple exists. , Assurance from the Allies of the na ture of their intentions will bring support from the "intelligentsia" and enable them to move to once more establish decent conditiont of living and eventually, responsible government In the dis rupted empire. That the bolshevik! will not be reconciled at first is clear, for it means an end to their misrule, but their "hold is already elipping arid their capacity for harm has been exhausted. Germany will make even more desperate efforts to gain possession of western Russia, but it is doubtful if much headway can be made by the kaiser in the way of reorganizing the country he has invaded. In any event the moral effect of the presence of a strong force of well intentioned friends on the Russians who yet hope to secure freedom and tet up a government of their own must be for good. THE . BEE: OMAHA, TUESDAY, JULY 23, 1918. For a Republican Congress Keynote Sounded at Saratoga Has Echo In Patriotic Hearts Chicago At Saratoga some notable republican key note speeches are being delivered and there, as we hope, will be laid down the plan of the republican congressional campaign. Colonel Roosevelt's address- is an inspiration made the brighter that it was spoken in the shadow of a great personal grief or almost equally painful suspense. The speaker stood out strikingly, as throughout his historic career, a living symbol of that American tra dition which consistently from the days of Washington and Hamilton has directed the benign yet powerful progress of the repub lic. Theodore Roosevelt's political philoso phy is essential Washingtonian republican ism, the republicanism that has always stood for an intense, patriotic Americanism, for the union one and indivisible, for the honor of the flag wherever it flies, for the vigorous and unhesitating assertion of American rights and the wise pursuit of American in terests wherever those interests run through out the world, for equality of opportunity at home, and the encouragement and preserva tion of private initiative, for the square deal; in short, for the American principles of in dividual liberty honored by our fathers and in their achievements. We have reason to remind ourselves of these things now, for they are enduring in the life of the republic. We are preoccupied with the tremendous task of the war, with its pressing and complicated problems, with the poignant cares which the danger of so many whom we love and cherish brings into our daily lives. But it is necessary for us nevertheless to remember that the currents of influence are running as they always have run in American life and that our faith is to be kept now as at any other time. The great reality which is republicanism deserves our fealty as much at this moment as ever and the need of the republic for its sustaining power was never greater. It is well to have our leaders rally the republicans of the coun try to the old allegiance, inspire us with the great faith and direct us to new service. What that service must be Mr. Taft out lined admirably in the address delivered yes terday. We do not think the situation could be better stated than in this paragraph: "Everything we do now and everything we say must help win the war. The president has said 'politics is adjourned.' He is cer tainly right, in so far as politics is to be used for personal ends or party triumph. But popular government, even in war, must be carried on by parties. The nation needs the republican party to give popular expres sion to an affirmative, aggressive war policy. Its success at the polls in November will spur the administration tu adopt one. A re publican congress will enact legislation to initiate and carry it on." Compare this with a paragraph from the democratic Baltimore Sun which expresses, we suspect a partisan hope rather than opinion: "What their (the republican) campaign will amount to, boiled down to the bone, will be a campaign against President Wilson; and a campaign against President Wilson will be practically a campaign against the Tribune. patriotic sentiment of the people of the coun try. To declare against him, under any pre text, will seem to the majority of voters like declaring in favor of the kaiser, like giving aid and comfort to the enemy." The Sun, assuming somewhat prematurely that this will be the republican tactics, de clares that we "are invitjng the thunderbolt,'' and asks: "Are they losing their old politi cal keenness and understanding?" This view is characteristic of the hide bound partisanism which even the great re sponsibilities of this war have not been able to purge from the administration. The Sun and undoubtedly the democratic leaders gen erally expect the republicans to make the sort of partisan campaign they understand and are beginning to organize. The demo cratic tactics have been disclosed for some time. They are based on the belief that the American people can be made to confuse legitimate criticism of incompetent acts of government or unwise politics with disloyal ty; that the faults and omissions of a par tisan administration can be covered from level headed Americans by a doctrine of presidential infallibility; that the American people have forgotten that public counsel and free discussion are the essence of our free government, and that they are essen tial to the highest form of unity. The republican campaign will not invite the thunderbolt which, as we heartily agree, ought to fall upon disloyalty to the national purpose. It will follow the course repub lican leadership has already taken, support ing unhesitatingly every act of the president which leads toward victory, yielding better support at critical moments than the presi dent found in his own party, and working at all times above all party considerations for the success of the national cause and the wel fare of the nation at war. It is significant that democratic hopes of success are based on the belief that the re publican campaign will be as narrowly par tisan as the tactics of those elements of Mr. Wilson's administration which offer such a discreditable contrast to his own elevated po sition in international affairs. It is also sig nificant that it is based on the belief that the majority of the American people, which is republican, has forgotten its political prin ciples and is incapable of seeing the need for their application now and in the crucial years to come. We think democratic hopes will be dis appointed. The republican campaign will no more be a campaign against the president than against the country and it will gain its inspiration and force from the patriotic sentiment of the people. Republicanism, which made a strong country possible and which saved the nation from disunion, does not need to take lessons in patriotism from the party which has always expressed the centrifugal and weakening influences exist ing in every democracy. Republicanism is essentially the party of strong nationalism and strong nationalism is the only force that can carry the republic through the external and internal dangers of the war and the period of our recovery. How the Cow Helps the Cause Meets War Needs With Doubled Production of Milk The American cow is doing her bit in the great war. She has contributed $100,000,000 worth of her products to the exports of the United States in the last year, nearly all of it going to the "boys in the trenches," chiefly in the form of condensed milk. A compila tion by the National City bank of New York shows the quantity of condensed milk ex ported in the fiscal year 1918, ending with the current month, June; will approximate 600,000,000 pounds, against 260,000,000 in the fiscal year 1917, 160,000,000 in 1916, and but 37,000,000 in the fiscal year 1915. The stated value of the condensed .milk thus exported agregates for the fiscal year 1918 about $70,000,000, and when we add the other con tribution! of the cow, butter and cheese, the total value which she has contributed to the exports, including supplies sent by the gov ernment, will aggregate in round terms $100, 000,000, against $50,000,000 in 1917, $25,000, 000 in 1916, $13,000,000 in 1915, and less than $3,000,000 in the fiscal year 1914, all of which immediately preceded the war. Thus the American cow's contributions to the export trade of the United States have jumped from less than $3,000,000 in the fiscal year of 1914 to $13,000,000 in 1915, $25,000,000 in 1916, $50,000,000 in 1917 and $100,000,000 in 1918. These (figures are necessarily in very round terms, especially those for the fiscal year 1918, for which the reoord is not yet complete. But from the actual figures now available, covering in detail the 11 months ending with May, we may safely say that the total value of the dairy products sent out of continental United States in the year ending with the current month, June, 1918, will ag gregate in value nearly $100,000,000, of which condensed milk alone will approximate $70, 000,000. and of butter and cheese about $6,000,000 each, while the quantities supplied for use on naval vessels and government transports, and not included in the govern ment s export record, may easily bring the grand total to $100,000,000. The bulk of this large and rapidly in creasing exportation of dairy products goes to the men in the trenchet. Of the 400,000. 000 pounds of condensed and evaporated milk exported in the nine months ending with March, for which detailed figures are availa ble, 178,000,000 pounds went to Great Britain, whence it was presumably passed to the men on the battlefield; 70,000.000 pounds direct to France, 17,000,000 to Belgium, 11,000,000 to the Netherlands, 20,000,000 to Cuba, 10, 000,000 to the Philippines, 10,000,000 to China and Japan and 10,000,000 pounds to British South Africa. Butter and cheese exports' in the fiscal year 1918 show a marked decline, when com pared with 1917, while condensed milk, on the other hand, shows a marked increase. The quantity of butter exported in the nine months ending with March, 1918, was but 12,000,000 pounds, against 25,000,000 in the same month of 1917, and of cheese 12,000, 000 pounds, against 43,000,000 in the same months of the preceding year. But of con densed and evaporated milk the quantity in the nine months ending with March, 1918, was 401,000,000 pounds, against 166,000,000 in the same months of 1917, and 90,000,000 in the corresponding months of 1910. The large quantity of milk used in the production of this 600,000,000 pounds of the condensed article sent out of the country in the fiscal year 1918 was produced chiefly in the stretch of country fronting upon the Great Lakes, New York, northern Pennsyl vania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. The largest part was from the dairy farms and condensed milk factories in New York, next in importance from those of Wisconsin, but in lesser quantities from the other states above named, while consid erable quantities have also been supplied from Utah and the Pacific coast. The value of the condensed milk exported from the United States in the fiscal year 1918 actually exceeds the value of all the con densed milk produced in the entire country in 1914, the latest census year. Piling Up the Debt It may well be asked whether the civil ized nations of the world could ever afford to allow the mention of the word "peace," except in scorn, while such outrages as the German attack on the hospital ship Llando very Castle remain unatoned. Could any peace to which brave men are a party fail to exact full and exemplary punishment for crimes which would be far beyond the malig nity of an Apache Indian to commit? And there is a long list of similar outrages await ing explanation. In this particular case, on the mere suspicion in the tubmarine com mander's mind, or more probably on the er roneous information of some spy, that Amer ican aviatort were aboard the Llandovery Castle the captain of the ship meanwhile jiving his word of honor that he carried none but patients, medical staff, sisters and civil ian crew the ship was deliberately torpe doed, and many of those angels of mercy were drpwned. Consider that this hospital ship, like the others, was running without protection, with lights burning and its usual hospital insignia its white and saintly guise, indeed, serving only to render it easy game for these hyenas of the sea. ' An awful arrears, this which Germany is piling up for future payment I Boston Transcript LIQDAx One Tear Ago today In the War. United States Treasury department asked (or f 1,000,000,000 aa a new war budget in an effort to atem the rout of the Russian armies, the executive ; councils of Russian Workmen and Soldiers and Peasants voted "unlim ited power" to Premier Kerensky. Tbe Day We Celebrate. Joe B. Redfleld, vice president and secretary of the Klopp-Bartlett com pany, born 1874. MaJ. Gen. Willard Holbrook, TJ. 8. A. commanding the southern de partment born In Wisconsin, ES years ago. -, i ' . r " , MaJ. Gen. Frederia Hugh Sykea, chief of the British air staff, born 41 : years ago today. lima OanMnat RIMuina. nrlmata of tha Roman Catholio church In the United states, born in Baltimore, t years ago. . This Dar in History. 1S7I German union concluded at . Berlin, tha last act of importance in the Ufa of Frederick II. . 1870 Great enthusiasm prevailed in Germany over the declaration of war tralnst Prance. ISIS Buaalans continued to hold Warsaw acainst tha ustro-Germana, who attacked the city on three aiaea. 1818 In new assault on German Jlne on the Somme the British gained footing 1a tfef zUle of Ensure Just 80 Years Ago Today A cablegram from Mr J. J. Bliss to her husband reports her safe ar rival in Liverpool, England. The president has approved the bill for the sale of the Fort Omaha site. W. A. Sharp, of Tama City, Iowa, an experienced agriculturist is In the city exhibiting a patent corn planter, which plants in three rows simul taneously Instead of two, for the man ufacture of which he is desirous of establishing a faotory here. Mr A. M. Marquette left for a six weeks' visit at Lake. Osakls. Minn. New York's State Forests More than 8,800 000 trees, pplled at eost by the s' .ti, have been plant ed on the waterworks drainage areas of .11. mur.wlpally-owned, and seven privately owned waterworks plants' in New York atate within the last nine State Press Comment York Times: The underground railroad between Omaha and St Joseph does a good business in spite of state and federal control. Hastings Tribune: The regula tions regarding women's shoes still permit those with large feet to con tinue aa usual to select the most con plclous styles. Ord Quiz: Sure a war profiteer Is much an enemy of the country as a German propogandist yet many of the profiteers are elevated to high posi tions in the Council of Defense and the management of the war and they do the loudest shouting about some of those who claim are disloyal. Seward News: The food lecturers may talk about potatoes, et cetera, till, the cows come home, but most may not understand a quarter. of the dope, but Just pass the baked beans, Johnny cake and strawberry shortcake and we won't kick. Northern armies in the '80s fought and won on a feed of baked beana and Johnny cake. Some how or other they form a combination that does the business. " Valentine Democrat: Our reporters do not seem to be able to tret. any light on the case of a husband beat ing up his wire last week, which was reported in a local paper. We wished to get at the facts, too, providing some fellow did ret away with such a stunt There are times when our wives act a little bit unruly. A former mayor of the city was particularly anxious to get Information but. of course, we do not know what motive promoted Whittled to a Point Indianapolis News: Some people who neither work nor fight believe they have been drafted into the class of free advice givers. Springfield Republican: Moham med V. may have been assassinated, but for a sultan that does not mean that he did not die a natural death. Baltimore American: Switzerland is practicing economy by punching big ger holes in its cheese. A new pat tern evidently ordered by Germany for gullible Austrians. Louisville 'Courier-Journal: The "fight-or-work" order is to be rlKldlv enforced, we are told. But suppose a fellow is honestly a "conscientious objector" to doing either? Kansas City Times: A captured German officer says Germany has just got to have peace. Welt well, he needn't worry any more; we are going to see that she gets it Seattle Post-Intelligencer: If colo nels could be made as rapidly for the war as they were made In this coun try following the settlement at Appo tomax there would be no need for officers' training camps. " Philadelphia Ledger: Since the government took over the ' railways, some of the ticket agents seem to think it's a kind oC espionage for the humble passenger to Inquire too close ly about the times of trains. Pittsburgh Post: The Hun's U-boat alibi is tha,t he prefers to sink un armed neutral merchant ships to armed transports, and for tha first time in a long while he has made a statement that we can believe unre servedly, , Twice Told Tales Wonderful News, With an air of great importance the small boy of a Sunday school in Belfast imparted this happy fact to tcftchcrJ "The devil Is dead," he said, eol mnly. "What makes you think that?" jsked the startled teacher. "Dad said so," exclaimed the boy. 1 was standing in the street yester day when a funeral passed, and when dad saw it he said, 'Poor devil! He's dead!' " Harper's Magazine. Limited Vision. Two soldier boys from th west, who had been hurried to the coast and on board ship In the dark, were next morning surveying with open eyed wonder the boundless stretch of rolling blue around them. "Gee whiz, BUI." said one, "who would have thought there could be so much water aa that?" "I know It" drawled the other. "And just think, Jim, you only see what's on top." Boston Transcript The Village Codger. "May I ask how old you are?" said the vacationist to the old villager. "I be Just a hundred." "Really? Well, I doubt if you'll see another hundre 1 years," said the oth er, trying to make conversation. "Wall, I don't know so much about that" was the ready response. "I be stronger now than when I started on the nri hundrtd. Boston Traav ecrlp 0 j-iivv 7 y Pleads for the Fish. Portland, Ore., July igTn th. Editor nf Th n. X 10 10 tne Davton. O rX"? m -topped a day in your own Amonr Dointa of intr. t .,,.A.wn' Amng public marker and th re" Z XL?? Z H-ane LcietS i i lup lo lnia cruelty glad to help abolish this cruel custom. .E;,?' HANFORD RUSSELL. 385 Alberta street Portland, Ore. Why, Yea, Certainly. iu!y 20 To ths Editor of ftow win you be good? You fh! 1 ..r.eEubJlcan congress is elected there will be bonfires in Berlin. As for ourself, we (that's me) have a stand ing offer to become a democrat when any one of .the some millions calling themselves as such can show us where we would better ourself. Now we see; won't you please come away from the black guards ana Join our haDnv hand? rin. low said we (meaning me) was "o Bitiu boh soap would "be higher In 1918 than it was in 1916," alluding sarcastically to Senator Hitchcock's speech at Broadwater in the latter year. Of course, if they use up all the soft soap until the demand exceeds the supply the price is bound to soar, but you see some one is try ing to spoil the democrat pow-wow or love feast by naming the soft soap ers. Now that isn't right The minute anyone enlists in this war he Is supposed to become a demo crat In 1861 the program wasn't so strict but look how much wiser we (us democrats) are than the republi cans were in '61 or ever will be. Oh, we are on to you republicans, Give you the least chance and a bloody shirt and you will wave it all over kingdom come and spoil our chance to get the kaiser. We want to reform him. See what an influen tial man he is and how much good he can do if we only instruct him in the rudiments of courtesy. Besides, if you try to send any men to Wash ington they may burn down the city hall in Berlin in their fits of enthus iasm. O my! Why it's down right treason to be a republican now, when President Wilson expects every man to be a democrat We sometimes just naturally wonder at the audacity of some people when we try to run things right and they Just want to make us run them into the ground. Once a republican but since read ing current W.-H., A DEMOCRAT FOREVER. A Timely Text Omaha, July 20. To the Editor of The Bee: In Zephanian, third ctiap ter and eighth verse, you will find the word of God reading like this: "Therefore watt ye upon me, sayeth the Lord, until the day that I rise up to the prey: for my determination is to gather the nation tnat I may as semble the kingdoms to pour upon them mine indignation, even all my fierce anger; for all the earth shall be devoured with the fire of my jeal ousy. For then will I turn to the peo ple a pure language that they may all call upon the name of the Lord to serve him with one consent" I don't like the idea asking the Lord to change his plans made in the crea tion just to please a few people or a whole nation or kingdom. I believe after reading these verses over several times things are being worked out in this great war right now. I often won der why some one don't preach on this text " " G. S. TART TRIFLES. 'tat't tea! How do tha branch trains run?" asked a guest . . They don't run at all, these days," replied tha landlord of the Petunia tav ern. "They merely aa'nter alons like a ent with 8t Vitus' dance." Rochester Democrat and Chronicle. "These war regulations are going to do one thing toward lightening women's labors." "In what way Ti like to knowT" "They are going to cut down the pooketa in men's clothes." Chicago Post Willis My son nsed to aspire to the vioa presidency. GIUls What does he want to be now? Willi! Commander In chief of the Russian army. Judge. "What'll you gimme for an Interview with Senator Wombat?" "I'll pay you well if you really got an Interview. But everybody knows that Sen ator Wombat never talks." "I got an interview, though. X raised my eyebrows and he nodded his head." Kansas City Journal "That house yon rented me la in bad trder," said the tenant "What's wrong with ItT" asked the land lord. "The roof leaks," "Good gracious I Tou don't mean to tell Me you've no umbrellas?" Tonkers States wan. 1 have a friend who Is ambidextrous." ' "Ain't that awful! ta he taking any treatment tor It?" Baltimore American. "I tea whera some man In Arliona wants to tight the enemy with rattlesnakes." "I doubt the plan's efficiency. Professional courtesy might keep the reptiles mm strik ing the Huns." Baltimore American. "What do yon think of the army as far as you have gone?" Inquired a sergeant or a newly arrived recruit at camp. "I may like It after a wane, but just now I think there Is too mueh drilling and fussing around between meals," was the re ply. Trench and Camp. "Aren't you feeling badly about your hus band's going off to tbe war?" "Why should I? I get the best part of his pay without having him around to have to give an account to of how to spend it,"" Louisville Courier-Journal. THE OTHER SIDE TH' CRICK. I am purty well contested, Em my neighbor all allow; I don't git so much discouraged Et I lose a pig or cow. Ef a hawse gits In th' clover An' nigh fondera bis fool self. I don't take it so to heart; I Lay myself upon th' shelf. But they's one thing ehorely pesters me, I want th' answer quick: Why's th' flshln' alius better On th' other side th' crick? Teh kin take a April mornln' When th' sun la shining fine, in' they batnt a trace o' eaat wind Shakes th' belly o' yer line. JV a afternoon In August, when Th' clouds es hangln' low in' all th' signs, they tell yeh, That It's comln' on f blow. They're a-bltln' well where we are. But yeh know thet ye could nick A better place t' fish In v ' On th' other aide th' crick. It's a-comin' to-rda December In this almanac o' mine, . I, k.l.t . van. nf.t.it Thet I git f wet a line. An It 'pears t' me thet somehow I don't ketch 'em like I did In them happy days back younder When I wus a little kid. But a-drawln' down to Jordan Weth th' short'uln' of my wick, I know th' fishln's better - ' On th' other side th' crick. -Charles T. 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