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rrffi BEfi: UMAHA, THURSDAY, jtfE 13, 1918.
The-Omaha Bee
DAILY (MORNING) EVENING SUNDAY
FOUNDED BIT EDWARD BOSK WATER
VICTOR RUSE WATER. EDITOR. """"
', THE BKB PUBUSHIMO COM PANT, PBOPR1ETOH.
Catered at Omaha postolfice aa ieeood-lat matter.
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onounamostioej n-litlnt to ant aad editorial esttsi -r
fciuti Km. Editorial Dapartnant
' ' MAY CIRCULATION.
"Daily 69,841 Sunday 59,602
t twnm pircul.tioi for tbt mmt. nbnribas iM aaan la m OwigM
A ilium. Clreulnloe UanaiM.
a Subscriber iaavtaa tbt city ahouM have Tna Baa mallea
T than. Address changse aa afua aa raousstea,
. THE BEE'S SERVICE FLAG
V'!!!!!!l!!l!!!!l!!l!l!l!l!!l I I
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A little dignity is good for a great city.
Could it have been the eclipse that stirred
Old Sol into such ferocity all of a sudden?
Seven hundred thousand American soldiers
have gone to France to fight, in spite of the
liaiser protest.
i y
Airplane mail service has not blinded business
men to the fact that the old-fashioned kind is
not up to requirements.
; The man who paid his income tax last March
can smile at the one who is hurrying in this
week to get ahead of the limit. '.
Idaho .women'are gleaning wool from bushes
along sSheep runs to help win the war. At present
prices the wool is worthy the effort
Porto Rico and Hawaii will furnish between
them 17,000 fighting men for Uncle Sam, showing
that our island territories are worth having.
" Drownings are doming to vie with automobile
accidents as shockers. Caution is necessary to
prevent picnic pleasure being turned into mourn-
X '
Another Swedish ship has been'sunk in the
Mediterranean, affording a further illustration of
the sincerity with which the kaiser stands by his
friends. 1
A Kansas mustaches and a Nebraska beard
Lave been sacrificed to the Red Cross, showing
T.'-w devoted tbmen of the middle west are to
t t JrJSu ".'.
, One wise step taken by the federal railroad
director is to compel the heavier loading of cars
for intrastate traffic.. The old practice was
wasteful.' 1 t
4
Three trips to a hospital have failed to
7 straighten out the mental kinks of a Richardson
: county farmer, and he still rejoices in the. glory
of the kaiser He will be furnished permanent
quarters by the state. ;
' Colonel Roosevelt reminded his Auditorium
audience that some .English-language newspapers
in this country had done more to soil the foun
tain of patriotism than, the worst paperi printed
in German. Yes, and he neef"not have looked
far from where he was talking if he wanted to
specify one such journalistic hyphenate by name.
UP COMES A GHOST OF THE PAST.
It is inevitable that the shivery, ghost of the
past in the form of a demand for unlimited "cur
rency inflation should stalk forth from under the
pall of this mightiest of all wars.
No one, therefore, can be surprised to find in
the platform promulgated by a certain ambitious
candidate for political favor a plank for a law
making all Liberty loan bonds acceptable at par.
in payment of debts of every kind; in other words,
converting them into legal tender paper money.
It is surprising, almost funny, however, , to
find the suggestion repelled and ridiculed by our
amiable democratic contemporary, the hyphenated
World-Herald, which, as we all remember, was
once hell-bent for unlimited currency inflation
through 16 to 1 free coinage; and, more than
that, at this moment counts among its editorial
writers one of the foremost earlier-day cham
pions and spokesmen of greenbackism.
It is self-evident that the present proposal to
attach legal tender qualities to the tens of bil
lions of Liberty bonds, already issued or in pros
pect, towers like Gulliver amorg the Lilliputians
as compared with the ancient greenback move
ment and the more recent free silver'agitation,
but it is of the same essence. It has the one
big advantage that it would swamp us under a
wave of currency inflation all at once, instead
of doing it piecemeal or by degrees. It is open
to only scant improvement that the bonds be
made noninterest bearing as well as legal tender
and be cut into lower denominations, so that
they can be used for small change.
, If the greenback ghost is going to walk again,
let him come out and show his full stature.
Conquering the Swine Plague.
Expertt of the Department of -, Agriculture
congratulate the country on the falling off in
swine losses due to disease. The death rate
among all hogs from disease for the year
ending with March was 42.1 per thousand
head. This is to be contrasted witb 144
in 1897 arid 118.9 in 1914. Saving hogs
formerly dedicated 4as victims to cholera or
some other form of disease means an addition to
the available food eupply at the rate shown of
more than 7,000,000 hogs annually. At present
the death rate is equivalent to a loss of almost
f 3.CC0.000 hogs, enough to provide food for the
United States for 25 days, and a little more than
equal to the total slaughtering for the month of
April last. The improvement noted is most en
couraging, however It means,that losses to the
farmer have been reduced, while the food supply
lias been increased by reason of the persistent
, combat against swine plague or cholera.
f Suggested Test for Loyalty.
Chief of all qualifications to be lacked for In
candidate! for congress this year will be loyalty.
It is imperative that a congress 100 per cent
loyal be elected. This has moved the League for
National Unity to formulate a test which it sug
gests be applied to all aspirants-. It is:
That candidate, in or out of congress, or
that citizen can be" regarded as loyal who
since the declaration of war has by word or
. act unreservedly supported and will support the
government in the vigorous prosecution of the
war to a complete and decisive victory, and who
has not attempted to destroy allied unity and
effort by attacks upon nations fighting with
us against a common enemy.
It is not meant that this shall be the sole and
final qualification or test of loyalty. The lan
guage does comprehend enough of meaning, how
ever, to affect a great many who might deem
themselves well fitted for a place in congress. It
is not a retroactive test, but deals solely with
the attitude, expressions and actions of men since
we entered the war. Unless a candidate can
measure up to its requirements he is not fit to
sit in the national legislature. Voters will exact
other evidences of fitness from men who offer
themselves, but this will serve well as a starting
point, for under It. the desired grade of 100 per
cent loyalty may be stained.
Closing the Case Against Germany.
Viscount Haldane'a record of his conversa
tion in 1912 with the Gernan emperor and his
.chancellor is a most important addition to the
great mass of proof that Germany not only
deliberately willed the present war, but had care
fully prepared for it, while professing to desire
uninterrupted friendship with the world. The
Haldane diary showa that the German basis for
peace in 1912 was that offered in 1915, and sev
eral time since-. recognition of German domina
tion. In 1912 England felt insecure, because of the
activity of Germany in building up iu navy, and
sought to obtain an agreement that would make
possible a cessation of battleship construction.
Americans were intensely concerned in the pro
gram at that time, and the proposition that a
recess in building navies be taken Iby the nations
until a better understanding ( might be had was
fully debated and partly acted upon. , So far did
the American government go in order to show
its sincerity that Germany passed us, and we
dropped from second to third place in naval
strength. The kaiser persisted in his prepa
rations, forcing the conclusion that he was bent
on war. ,
- Sufficient proof is now available to convict
him and his associates of having long planned
a campaign that would establish him as master
of the world. With this ambition unsatisfied, he
could not live at peace with other nations, but
struck when he believed all things were ready.
The record of German intrigue and duplicity now
being unfolded is incredible in some of its as
pects, but the truth is plain. Each of the many
involved and sinuous movements tended to the
same end, that of world conquest
The guile of the emperor atxd the deception of
his ministers is uncovered, and the guilt of the
Potsdam plotters established so firmly that even
the boldest among them has given over defend
ing theia- schemes. Lust for power has led to
wholesale murder and unspeakable misery, ior
which the kaiser is responsible
Denver is the latest city to require that its
dancing masters and others of the kind do useful
labor. The moe will soon be all-enveloping
and Solomon's lily will stand alone as an example
of well-arrayed idleness.
; -British Effort to Preserve Peace
Lord Haldane1 s Account pj Negotiations Two Years
, Before the War
PART II.
(Continued from Yesterday.)
'On the following day, February 9, Lord
Haldane had an interview with the emperor,
the chancellor and Admiral, Tirpitz oa the
navy, at which Tirpitz held'out for the rew
Gt-rman naval program, which was discussed
at great length. Lord Haldane wrote:
"I insisted that fundamental modification
was essential. The tone was thoroughly
friendly, but I felt that i had come to the
most difficult part of my talks of getting ma
terial fit to bring back for the consideration
of my colleagues. The utmost I was able
to.tfet was this: The emperor was so dis
turLrd at the idea that the world wojld not
believe in the reality of the agreement unless
the shipbuilding program was modified that
iie asked me what I would suggest. I -aid
that it was a too technical matter for me to
discuss here, but that if he would not Jrop
the new law which I saw he felt hi could
not he might at least drop out a ship. This
idea was never abandoned but Admiral Tir
pitz combated it so hard that I, said, 'Well,
can we not spread the tempo?' After much
talking we got to this, that, as I insisted .hat
they must not inaugurate the agreement by
buihiing an additional ship at once, they
should put off building the first ship till
1912 and then should not lay down another
till three years after (1916), and not lay
down the third till 1919.
"The emperor thought the agreerrent
would N affect profoundly the tendency in
shipbuilding, and he certainly should not
detire to go beyond the three ships. The
fct of tfie agreement was the key to eve-y-thing.
The chancellor, he said, would pro
pose to me this afternoon a formula which
he had drafted. I said that I would sec the
chancelloi and discuss any further territorial
questions with him, and would then return
as speedily as I could and. report the good
disposition which I had found to my col
leagues and leave the difficulties f not beirg
able to stop shipbuildin : more completely,
and, indeed, ell other matters to their judg-
London-Cbronicle, May 14. :
ment. i couia oniy assure tne emperor mat
I bad been much struck with the friendly
disposition in Berlin, and that he would find
a not less friendly disposition in London."
Lord Haldane had another conversation
with the chancellor in the hope of arriving
at a formula with regard to the navy. The
chancellor said that the "forces he had to
contend with were almost insupcrable.-v Pub-
lie opinion in Germany expected a new law
and the third squadron, and he must have
these.' . I - said we could not contest Ger
many's right to do in these matters and in
deed in other matters as it pleased. But why
not postpone the shipbuilding for longer and
adapt the law accordingly?
"The chancellor said he would try. He
asked me to consult the experts in London
and make a suggestion. I had said, he re
marked, that everything was good only on
balance, and Germany must for a greater end
give up a minor advantage. The new squad
ron and the new fleet law it must have, but
it was a question for the experts, on which he
did not pronounce, whether a retardation of
greater magnitude than Tirpitz proposed
might not be possible. I promised to Jet
him know privately the State of feeling here
about the Tirpitz proposals on my return."
The ministers then endeavo'red to arrive
at a formula, the whole purpose of which
was to bring about conditions which would
prevent war; to endeavor to get a definition
of the duty of neutrality, and, in the event
of war, to combine in order to localize the
conflict. f
After Lord Haldane's return to London
negotiations in search of a formula were con
tinued. Prince Lichnowsky preserved a
friendly atmosphere, but the German gov
ernment never agreed to conditions which
would have safeguarded the neutrality of
Belgium or maintained its honorable obliga
tions to our allies. The nearest they got at
the 11th hour was, as Lord Grey said, "far
too narrow an engagement for us."
The Potsdam Conspiracy
Kaiser's Council Votes for War Three Weeks
Before Start .
Henry Morgenthau, Former Ambassador to Turkey, in World's Work.
I have already mentioned that the Ger-
man ambassador (Baron Wangenheim) left
Constantinople for Berlin soon after the as
sassination of the grand duke, and he now
revealed the cause of his sudden disappear
ance. The kaiser, he , told me, had sum
moned him to Berlin for an imperial confer
ence. This meeting took place at Potsdam
on July 5. The kaiser presided; nearly all
the ambassadors attended; Wangenheim
came to tell of Turkey and enlighten his as
sociates on the situation in Constantinople.
Moltke, then chief of staff, was there, rep
resenting the army, and Admiral von Tirpitz
spoke for thenavy. The great bankers, rail
road directors, and the captains of German
industry, all of whom were as necessary to
German war preparations as the army itself,
also attended.
Wangenheim told me that the kaiser sol
emnly put the question to each man in turn.
Was he ready for war? All replied "yes" ex
cept the financiers. They said that they must
have two weeks to sell their foreign securi
ties and to make loans. At that time few
people had looked upon the Sarajevo' tragedy
as something that was likely to cause war.
This conference took all precautions that no
such suspicion should be aroused. It de
cided to give the bankers time to readjust
their finances .for the coming war, and then
the several members went quietly back to
their work or started on vacations. The
kaiser went to Norway on his yacht, von
Bethmann-Hollweg left for a rest, and Wan
genheim returned to Constantinople. ,
In telling me about this conference, Wan
genheim, of course, admitted that Germany
had precipitated the war. I think that he
was rather proud of the whole performance;
proud that Germany had gone about the
matter in so methodical and far-seeing a
way; especiallyproud that he himself had
been invited to participate in so momentous
a gathering. The several blue, red and yel
low books "Which flopded Europe the few
months following the outbreak, and the hun
dreds of documents which were issued by
German propaganda attempting to establish
Germany s innocence, never made any im
pression on me. For my conclusions as to
the responsibility are not based on suspicions
or belief or the study of circumstantial, data.
I do not have to reason or argue about the
matter. I know. The conspiracy that has
caused this greatest of human tragedies was
hatched by the kaiserand his imperial crew
at his Potsdam conference of July 5, 1914.
One of the chief participants, flushed with
his triumph at the' apparent success of the
plot, told me the details with his' own
mouth. Whenever. I hear people arguing
about the responsibility for thiswar or read
the clumsy and lying excuses put forth by
Germanv. I simolv recall the burly figure of
Wangenheim as he appeared that August afM
ernoon, putting away at a nuge DiacK cigar,
and giving me his account of this historic
meeting. Why waste, ajiy time discussing
the matter after that?
This imperial conference took place July 5;
the Servian ultimatum was sent on July 22.
That is just about the two weeks' interval
which the financiers had demanded to com
plete their plans: All the great stock ex
changes of the world show that the German
bankers profitably used this interval. Their
records disclose that stocks were Dcmg poia
in large quantities and that prices declined
ranidlv. At that time the market were
somewhat puzzled at this movement; Wan
genheim's explanation clears up any doubts
that may still remain. Uermany was cnang
ing her securities into cash, for war pur
peses. If anyone wishes to verify Wangen
heim, I would sugjest that he examine the
quotations of the New York stock market
for these two historic weeks. He will find
that there were astonishing slumps in quo
tations, especially . n the stocks that bad an
international market. Between July 5 and
July 22, Union Pacific dropped irom 155J4 to
127J4 Baltimore & Ohio from 91 to 81,
United States Steel from 61 to 50, Cana
dian Pacific from 194 to 185J4 and Northern
Pacific from 111J to 108. At that time the
high protectionists were blaming the Simmons-Underwood
tariff act as responsible
for this fall in values; other critics of the
administration attributed it to the federal re
serve act, which had not yet been passed.
How little the Wall street brokers and the
financial experts realized that an imperial
conference held in Potsdam, presided over by
the kaiser, was the real force that was then
depressing the market!
. Wangenheim not only gave me the details
of this Potsdam conference, but he disclosed
the same, secret to the Marquis Garroni, the
Italian ambassador at Constantinople.' Italy
was at that time technically Germany's ally.
Give Older Men a Chance
We can easily imagine that any plan to
draft men too old for service in the field, in
order to use them for industrial or semi-industrial
purposes, would be met with" a storm
of disapproval, especially from organized
labor. But the acceptance of voluntary en
listments by men from 40 to 55 years of age,
as advocated by Secretary of War Baker, is a
different thing. It seems to be statesman
like. The secretary frankly"concedes that of
7,500,000 men between the ages flamed most
would be precluded by family, ties and con
ditions from enlisting, but very large num
bers might be expected to enlist. And if
out of a total of 1,000,000 men in France,
400,000 have to be employed behind the lines
and are not soldiers in the fighting sense,
then enlistments as suggested might release
the 400,000 or most of them for the trenches.
It is high time to give the older men a
chance. Their patriotism is as keen as that
of the youngsters. Physiologically consid
ered, their hearts are not so strong, they are
not able to stand the strain of a soldier's life
on the battle line, just as a former foot ball
player at the age of 40 breaks down if he
tries to go into a hot game. But plenty 'of
men even' at 55 are . in fine health," able to
work hard, able to work intelligently and
often with a real advantage in experience
and judgment over their juniors. If they
want to go to France the nation may well
encourage them. At; home it must draw
more and more on women for its industries.
The energy of every responsible adult person
must be used to the highest limit to wm this
war. -Brooklyn Eagle..
1 People and Events
No one can i-ccessfully dispute the claim
of Belfast, Ireland, as the home of Omir
living. John made sure of it by driving 12,
209 rivets in nine hours.
, A division of fighting kids, out in Salt
Lake City chalked the mug of the kaiser on
the side of a deserted brick building and at
tacked it with stones and a primitive batter
ing ram. When the drive ended the building
was a ruin and the kaiser's mug beaten into
a semblance of the original. What happened
to the raiders? Nothing much yet. At:ity
wide gale of laughter smothers thought of
reprisals. ;
I l ODAV
One Year Ago Today in-the War.
Paris enthusiastically welcomed M&
)or General Pershing and bis staff.
More than 100 Uvea lost in a Ger
man air raid over London, the fourth
within three weeks. -.''. ,
X'he Day We Olebrate.
Rear Admiral Bradley A. Flske, W.
a. N., retired, bora at Lyon,' N. (4
yeara ago.
Henry P. Davison, head of the 'war
eo'incil of the American Red Cross,
orn in Troy, N. Y., 61 years ag-o.
rartin Kavanagh, outfielder of the
. Louis National league team, born
: arrlson, M. J 87 year ago. ,
Day In History. . -i
Mi Francis Dana, famous Jurist,
i first U. & minister to Russia, born
Jharlestown, Mass. Died at Cam
Mass., April 25. 1811.
- American Daughters of Lib-
organised in Philadelphia to pro-
ciotning ior toe sunering sol
. t Prussian troops Invaded Han
, which kingdom had taken sides
i Austria.
. Opening of the' Congress cf
called to settle questions re-
tJ the Balkans. , a
) President McKinley Vlgned
sr revenue bill, to finance thefl street.
-Za Bpain. .
French captured by assault
. "y fortified , ridge near
i raver refinery north ot Arraa
J ust SO Years Ago Today
The democrats of the Second ward
wtll dedicate their new wigwam on
Sixteenth and William streets this
evening. Hon. M. V. Gannon and
others will address the meeting.
Milk Inspector Hlckstein, accom
panied by the state live stock com
missioner, in his rounds of the dairies
from which Omaha draws Its supply
ot milk, visited forty-eight places and
examined 1,975 cows.
Generaf John C. Fremont took a
drive about the city and Its suburbs
under the guidance of ex-Mayor
Chase. -
Mrs. Josiah Dewey of San Francisco,
Cal., and three children are ylsltlng
jwrs. vv. i. xjerateaa, sioo Harney
State Press Comments
York News-Times: Wheat is look
ing up. King Corn la not feeling
depressed.
Lincoln Herald: It's a tough old
world and it can stand a lot of maul
ing, but It's going through the worst
ordeal In its history now and the man
who dwells In a fool's paradise of
complacency is going to learn to h'.s
sorrow how foolish he has been.
Butte Gazette: There ought to be
some way to get at the food slacker
for there are still some of that
gentry with us. If he Is wilful, he
should be interned: if he is ignorant,
he should be locked up and mada to
eat what the government dictates.
This is no time to tolorate anything
but whole-hearted support of Ameri
ca and her aims.
Howells Journal: In the good old
days of the long ago when the country
J was new we got along very nicely
without hard coal and, for that mat
ter, many of us without soft coal.
Plenty of soft coal tp available now,
and It is the patriotic duty of all to
lay In their next winter's supply early.
York Democrat: . At the meeting
of the democratic state central com
mittor thla ni.ul .f,? mII n.tlMl.
M. G. Macleod returned to th rllv
after an absence of six weeks spent at
mittee this week, after all treliml-
nary business had been disposed of, a
motion was made to go Into execu
tive session, and all persons not mem
bers of the committee were courte
ously invited to withdraw. A man by
the name of CharVy Bryan was , re
quired to ?alk out, with no other pro
tection than a .skull cap, and with
the full consciousness of the fact that
other days and other times and other
Charlottetown. Prince Edward Island.! men have arrived on the scei
Peppery Points
Washington Post: Now if Grace
Lusk will quietly drift into the inside
pages she will oblige a world that is
q,uite busy with other shooting affrays.
Baltimore American: Now that the
railroads are under government i ton- ?ft h"'
" w,aa II !. Aiuun) W Bo
trot, the Indignant traveler whose
trunk is deiad wllU no doubt, wrf'ty for the , first oense is four shil-
to the president about it
Minneapolis Journal: The greatest
losses In this war have not been suf
fered by Belgium or France or Serbia,
or even by Armenia, but by Germany
herself through her moral collapse.
New York Herald: Some day such
of the "German people as may lay
claim to as much as an atom of sanity
will grasp the full significance of the
kaiser's making every -opportunity to
pin a new medal on the' crown prince.
Then they will grasp, also, the reason
for the kaiser's having willed this war.
New York Herald: Eleven Yale
seniors cast their votes for the kaiser
as the "greatest man In the world to
day." It s.eaks ill of Yale's success
In overcoming the influence of early
environment upon persons committed
to its charge. The only possible ex'
planatlon is that the eleven are sons
of butchers. v
New York World: Calculations of
the allies put the German loss since
the beginning of the offensive in
March at a minimum of 520,000 men.
This makes the division and not the
regiment the unit of computation ot
losses and illustrates their prodigious
increase since the earlier nibbling pro
cesses of decimation.
Twke Told Tales
Incorrigible. ,
At a college in England it is against
the rules for male students to visit
the "resident lady boarders." One
lay a student was caught in the act
lings, for the second ,ten shillings,
for the third 1 and so on up to
10." I ,
"And what would a season ticket
cost?" inquired the- culprit. Boston
Transcript .;
'., ' . Get Wise In Advance. -
"I hope I can support her 1n vthe
ityle she Is accustomed to."
"Get wise to that style, though, be
fore you marry Vier. I never knew
my wife's people, but to hear her
talk, you'd think she was raised In a
palace." Louisville Courier-Journal.
-.
What Ruth Said.
Ruth a carefully brought-up little
girl of 5 years, returned home from
her first dinner away from home and
was being questioned by her mother.
"And you were a good, girl all the
time?" asked mother. -
"Yes, mother," was the Joyful reply.
-"And did you-' remember to say
something nice to Mrs. Brown just
before leaving?"
"Yes, indeed." Ruth answered, tri
umphantly. "I smiled and said, 1 en
joyed myself, Mrs. Brown; you had a
lots better dinner than I thought
you'd have." The People's .Home
journal. .
Confidence In Onr Leaders.
Omaha, June 10. To the Editor of
The Bee: I would like to suggest that
a great deal of peace of mind may be
preserved by trusting our leaders Just
now. Every true American, I take it.
is deeply concerned in the progress of
the war, and nearly all have some
difficulty in remaining patient under
the present circumstances. While the
terrible battle is on, raging with furi
ous intensity, and the fate of the world
seeming to tremble with each move
ment of the troops, it is natural that
men and women over here should
worry. We have been buoyed up by
the accounts of how splendidly our
boys have acquitted themselves in the
fighting, but we knew they would do
that What we want to know is that
they are winning. To meet this, I
have tried to keep my faith undisturb
ed, my trust that General Pershing
and General Foch aad the other war
riors and captains of warriors in
France know what they are about
just as I have trusted that our presi
dent Knows nis - Dusmess. This has
helped to keep meconfldent of vic
tory. I know the contest will be lone
and costly, for the foe is powerful
and desperate, but win we shall, and
to tnat end l am looking ahead. ! I
read each day's record of events with
deep Interest, but I do not let anv
momentary reverse or loss of ground
disturb me, for I feel sure of the out
come, because our boys are In it. Let
us trust our leaders and help win the
war by keeping our upper Iins as stiff
as our backbone. A FATHER.
.LAUGHING GAS.
"I don't think I would car to play base
ball," aald Hamlet Fatt.
"No apotliKht?" suggested Torlck Hamm.
"It isn't that. But when an actor makes
a hit he gets all the glory. Here a fellow
makes a hit and some other chappie brings
In the run." Louisville Courier-Journal.'
"Washington Isn't what it used to be,"
sals Grannie Rilem with a sigh.
"What do you miss?"
"The spirit of independence Why, I can
remember when you could mfcke a landlord
paper the house by threatening to move."
Washington Star.
"I dunno. I never did any Hon taming.
How long Is the engagement good for?"
"That depends -tin how quick you are In
getting out of the cage." Louisville Courier-Journal.
,
"I took a friend who was an amateur ma
gician out 'in my machine, but I'll never do
It again."
"Why not?"
"We hadn't gone any distance before the
car seemd to knew who was In it, and
turned turtle." Baltimore American.
""Love laughs at locksmiths,' you know."
"That's an old saying and a trifle out of
date."
"Yes?"
"But love certainly has the laugh on fa
ther, when he tries to head off a six-cylinder
' elopement In a . one-lung flivver."
Blrmlnghanm Age-Herald.
"These runways are popular, but they
kill off a lot of seats that mi?ht otherwise
be sold."
"I know. Couldn't we fix It so that
the chorus girls could trip through the
audience over a line of bald heads?" Chi
cago Post.
THE WAYS OF MAN.
plank
At seven Willie wanted to
Become a pirate bold,
To sail thevrugged Spanish main
And gather chests of gold,
To make his captives walk the
From his low, rakish Craft,
And meet their pleas for mercy with
A deep and gutteral laugh.
At sixteen he was different, for
No more he craved to be
A pirate bold and bloody, called
'The Terror of the Sea;"
Be looked with envious eyes upon
The presidential chair
Deolded to bs satisfied
II Fate would land him there.
At twenty he was-changlng still
Was Mary's "casual friend,"
And what with opera, lunch, et cet..
His "purse was on the bend;
He lost his aspirations all,
A single one did save:
The height of his ambition was
To be her humble slave.
Alas! at thirty-two or three,
TIs saddening to relate.
He shares a flat with Mary and
With kidleta six or eight;
At eight he Jumps acar each day
Gets SIS pert ,..
He's won his last ambition, he's
A faithful slave to her.
John D. Wells.
-WHY
NOT
flTT 9
1 1. jfikM CM Ueiv
Vgtuinefli irtroottuuik You"
$propeduM
fconductei funeral
s Tun
. We will 'furnlslj a properly conducted
funeral at a price that shows only ah
actual charge for equipment, and ton
sistent service. Our reputation in the
community ia a guarantee ot the keep
ing of this promise. . v
N. P. SWANSON
Funeral Parlor. (Established 1888)
17th aad Cuming Su. Tat Doug las 1060.
Around the Cities
St. Joseph's halo for the time beins
resembled the eternal triangle. : The '
triangle differs from the Waukegan
design, inasmuch as the outraged wife
worked the gun on her rival
Chicago reports 2,400 fewer deaths
in the first five months of 1918 than
la the same period of 1917. Better
health conditions, Improved water and
milk sanitation, and fewer serious ac
cidents are the primary causes for
Increased joy of living.
Sioux City's first tryout of hoboea
on the "work or fight" plan failed
In both essentials. A gingerly intro
duction to jobs quickly soured the first
gang and provoked a walkout of town.
A very small percentage of the jobless
stuck to the jobs offered. f
Sioux City officials announce that
slackers, idlers, gamblers and Indus
trial Workers of the World, will be
driven out of town and must take
all their women companions along. A
round-up Is already on. Those who
will not buckle down to 'jobs are to
be shown the various roads out ot
town ' .
Mayor Cowgill of Kansas City, Mo.,
told the city solons to cut out all talk
of a municipal gas plant No money
in sight and the city's bonded debt
has reached the limit Meanwhile the
solons beat an anvil chorus on the
pipes of natural gas vendors without
seriously disturbing the sleep of the
managers. ! ' .
Chicago's bunch of theater ticket
scalpers And their pickings not as
easy as in former days. Failure- to
account for the excess profit tax
brought" down the wrath of federal
revftniiH m ponru nun m a7riri(i iinv
promises an' early deliverance on the
offense. Scalping on Uncle Sam's
revenue split 4s risky business in,, war
time and all times. ...:.."
V
HOSPE
SAYS
The charm of any
picture is in its individu
ality. 'In choosing pic
tures that are especially ,
pleasing the buyer gives
expression to his appre- '
ciation of the beautiful.
Personality f i n d s n o
truer expression than
through art. f
For really artistic prints, .
etchings, etc., covering
wide variety of subjects, you
must see our great collec--tions.
i
Nothing that is worth
while in pictures or frames
is missing from our showing.
Prices are exceedingly
reasonable. Our knowledge
of pictures and framing is
at your command.
"Picture framed with
loving care."
A. HOSPE CO.
1513-15 Douglas Street
JtWa dnd rARNAMSI
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THE
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OMAHA .a
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SAVING TIME
17 VERY day 1,500 to 2,000 busy people
J-' have a precious hour or more saved
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Whether your time Is worth $1 or $100
an hour, when you are in Chicago, you
went to be in the Center of this Great
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At the "Morrison" you are To the fiaarl
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great office buildings, department stores,
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Whether yon pay $2 or aoqre for a room you
have the sasna advantages of location, enjoy the
aaaa efficient attention and leave with the.
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Every room has bath, circulating lea water
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Bm tf tin Fkmtut
tf rrtarr 5ar2tti
Chieagt't
Wtmdtr BuUmnuO. -
Wkm Fit, Srrvie amd
ntrtanmrnt are .
" Sttprtm -
TQoriianlfoui
firwnat Umnaetmmt tf
BARRTC HOIS
Clarfc and Madlsoa
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