Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 19, 1915)
4-V THE OMAITA SUNDAY BEE: DECEMBER 10. 1015. i : THE OMAHA SUNDAY DEE FOUNDED BY EDWARD RQ3EWATKR. VICTOR ROSEWATER. EDITOR. , - .. - . . . The Bee Publishing Company, Proprietor. PRE BUILDING. FARNAM AND SEVENTEENTH. Entered at Omilii postofflce second-class matter. TERMS Or SUBSCRIPTION. By carrier per month. By mall Ber year. pally end Sunday... r o W tk-ii .itkniit .ttnnnav ............. .4nC. ....... .... m.w Kvenlng and Punrtay.. e Krenlng wlthotit Bundar J ".iinday Pee only.. ::. ' v;"- . "end notice of change of addraaa or complaints of Irregularity In delivery to Omaha Bee, Circulation Iepartment- REMITTANCK. TtemU by draft. expreea o- postal order. Only two. rent postage atampa received la payment of small ac count Pereoaal check, except on Omaha and eaatara exchange. Dot accepted. ornctft Omaha The Baa Building. Poiith Omaha B18 N atreet. Council Uluffe 14 North Mala (tract Lincoln m Little RulMlng. Chicago em Hearat Building. New York Room 110. i Fifth avenue. Pt. Loute-Ws New Bank of Commerce. Washington 7 Fourteenth Rt.. N. W. CORRESPONDENCE!. Addraaa rommuol'-ations relating to newa and edl tortal matter to Omaha Bee. Editorial Department 47,352 NOVEMBER SUNDAY CIRCULATION", fitaM of Nebraska, County of Douglas, aa.: Dwtht Williams, circulation manager, aaya that the average Hunday circulation for the month of November, 111 ft, vm 47JR3. DWIOHT WILLI A MH, Circulation Manager. Subscribed In my presence and aworn to before mo thla Id day of December, 1J1S. ROBERT HUNTER. Notary Public. Subscribers Wring tho city temporarily should hay Tho lie mailed to them. Ad dress will be changed as often aa requested. Xeoentbcr It Thought for the Day UUcUd by Dimeter W. M. R. Franc Happy tht child who tarty ktmt what art ts. Ooethe. Republicans, as usual, will set the preslden- tlal pace. King Constantino threatens to wrest from Turkey tbe distinction of being "the sick man ot Europe." Tbe foreign government wbicb is not favored wltb an American note or two wrltea itself down aa a "dead one." It will be observed aa returns drift In that Colonel Bryan's pull at tbe national pie counter continues In fine working condition. The democratic party, perhaps under some other name,' evidently has come into control In Russia. New taxes are about to be Imposed. Tbe advance datt selected by the republican national committee strictly accords with the rule that a national convention precedes a ratification. Claims growing out ot the loss of tbe Titanic are about to be settled for $664,000, or 20 per cent of the total. The terms are as cheap as salt water at the scene of tbe tragedy. Six hours of womanly oratory for and against suffrage left the congress committee in such a delicious dace that It could not distin guish a Belgian muffler from a Pierot creation. Tbe culmination of British volunteering dis poses of conscription for the present, The manner by which the results were gained Koes by another name and checkmates a political upheaval. Patriotic teal and toll could hardly go farther than Senator Works' plan ot using American soldiers as farm bands ten months of the year. The California senator puts too much emphasis on bis name. Secretary Redfleld directs bis vocal batteries at the foreign price cutters and wastes good ammunition shooting at a target out ot reach. Ills talk Is good protection doctrine, however r.iurh the party objects to the label. The Fool and Hit Money. In the wayback days of the traveling doctor an artistic cure-all, with staff and band, camped in a city which had achieved a reputation as a tanltarlum. Foregathered there were lawyers. tankers, business men, contractors a colony, in fact, well fixed in worldly goods and wisdom, but harboring an assortment of pains and aches and disorderly tissue that rendered life the re verse of a joy. They bad tried out the medical profession from the family doctor to the special ist and sought forgetfulness of ills in new sur roundings. With their experience in business affairs It might be assumed they could spot a fakir a block off, and scoff at tbe claims ot an Itinerant medicine peddler. Yet It Is ot record that tbe traveling doctor sold $3,000 worth of medicine to the afflicted in that town in two days and disappeared tbe second night No matter how shrewd and wary the indi vidual may be, few are wholly Immune to bland Uhments of one kind or another. Bankers have invested in gold bricks almost as frequently as gudgeons who could not distinguish gold from trass. The Clairvoyant trust, recently disrupted in Chicago, is said to hare taken $2,000,000 from patrons in five years. The process of sep arating tbe fools from their money wa not by the customary palming act. The trust posed a a confidential adrloer in "sure thing invest ments" and dealt wholly with people of means as eager for "easy money" aa the professionals. The magnitude of the business of catering to the cupidity of the populace is indicated by Postmaster General Burleson, who reports that 1.S00 lotteries were barred from the malls dur ing the fiscal year. Thla does not mean that 1,900 lotteries were put out of business. Some, If not all, operate locally through a flock of tii Vet-selling agents. Warnings, experiences and publicity do not materially diminlnh the school of suckers. For eery one bo drops out of the game trimmed to the last nickel, two r more elbow for the vacancy. Barnuui's estimate of one born sucker iiilui'ta needs revision upward. Good Jellowa All of Them. One feature of the yuletlde season has always been the tendency of mankind to generous deeds. In recent years this has been energized through various agencies, appealing to the public for support of various charitable enterprises, each pointing to tbe end ot providing succor or com fort for the needy. Some of these undertak ings might not thoroughly endure the acid test of scientific inquiry, and yet each baa for its aim the amelioration ot misery, the satisfying of a longing, the comforting of a heart that needs cheer. Whatever brings a laugh of joy to a child, a smile of content to a weary mother or a ray of hope and encouragement to a dis couraged and despondent father, no matter If it lack something of the quality that might attend well-directed giving, is still worthy. Nor is It alone at Christmas time that Amer icans give. All the year round their hearts are open to appeal, and the hand readily seeks the pocket in response to the tale that stirs the emotion. A national calamity or a private mis fortune alike excites the Impulse that leads us to contribution. It may be a nickel dropped in the panhandler's outstretched hand, a quarter slipped into the Salvation Army's Christmas pot, a five-dollar bill sent to swell a newspaper fund, or the secret donation, of which the re cipient Is ignorant of the donor's identity, but it is all done under the cloak of the greatest of all the graces. Old Scrooge may I've somewhere among Americans, but he is mighty lonesome, for they are Good Fellows, all of them. Justice for Any Man, The presiding judge of tbe Oklahoma court of appeals has Just set an example for his breth ren of the bench that might be Imitated with benefit to the public. In granting a writ of habeas corpus for eleven men accused ot being I. W. W. agitators, be rebuked the judge of the lower court for' neglecting to accord to the ac cused men tbelr rights as citlsens. This judge holds that no magistrate is justified in herding together a number of persons and passing sen tence wthout giving them a hearing, or notifying them that they are entitled to defense. While the I. W. W. Is not at all to be commended, it gathers its recruits from tbe ranks of those who feel they have no chance in life, and especially with the courts. To summarily sentence these men in groups without bearing is not calculated to arouse in them any high regard for law. When it is fully established that any man will get Justice in our courts much ot the reason for the I. W. W. will disappear. Human Eaoe After the War. It Is comforting to not that the British eavants can find time at this crisis la the af fairs of their country to solemnly debate the probable condition of the human race after tbe war, and Its improvement aa a result of tbe ef fects of the conflict. One estimable professor, estimating that the loss of life will reach 20, 000,000, argues that because ot this the race will be greatly Improved In quality. lie bases his conclusion on the belief that In ages past any Improvement or advance In the character ot life, whether animal or vegetable, has followed some cataclysmic change. Another group of professors, equally estimable. Is considering methods whereby propagation may be divested of some of the features that now operate to re tard the birth rate. This group is looking for ward' to quantity as earnestly as the first is to quality. It Is proposed to encourage child-bearing among the poorer classes by removing some of the obstacles, such aa expense, now attaching to maternity. No definite action has as yet been taken, but the fact that the subject is being so prominently considered is Interesting in its bareness. It Is quite believable that the thought that permeates England's people may also have con sideration among the other European nations. If this war is to- be followed by a better type of man, it is altogether not beyond reason to think that be will be above Indulging In such exhibi tions ot slaughter and destruction as have been given the world in recent days. Thus out ot evil may come forth good. Opposed to this thought, however, is human experience. So far as man's record can be traced, it Is one ot perversity and strife, and no war has yet wrought such havoc aa to bring any very great improvement In the race. Man's ad vance, whether material, spiritual or intel lectual, has been wrought out in times of peace. Some political changes for the better have re sulted from war, but the great achievements ot the race are the triumphs of peaceful pursuits. No Conscription Contemplated. The (Omaha Central Labor union has gone on record as being opposed to conscription tor the purpose of increasing national defense. This action may have been necessary to voice the sen timent ot an Important group of organized lsbor. However, the sentiment is so general not only among the labor people, but In all grops of society, that it scarcely needs consid eration. The armies of the United States have always been made up of volunteers. During the civil war, for a short time, both North and South resorted to conscription, but only as a desperate war measure. No present plan for the increase ot our preparedness for national defense has In It anything looking toward the enforced service of anybody in the army of navy. Secretary Garrison, in his discussion ot the problem, ventured the proposition that un less a aufticlent number of volunteers appeared, conscription might be resorted to In order to provide the quota of trained men deemed neces sary to defend the country, it Is not believable that a free country like ours will ever lark in men to defend Its institutions to the uttermost For tbe laboring men, we may quote the words ot Samuel Compere, pronounced at 8aa Fran cisco recently: "That man who will not fight to defend the free Institutions of this republic does not deserve to live under this republic. In refusing to honor the requisition of the governor ot Montana for a Nebraskan accused of kiting a check. Governor Morehead took the measure of tbe Montana land speculators. Tbe grievance of the Montanans Is not so much against the offense of uttering a conditional i beck, but because a prospective land buyer escaped with his clothes uj Yxcrrom tomrim TUB OXB dominant note of the meetings and gath erings In Washington the past week la that of expectant hopefulness and confidence that the country Is preparing to welcome back a republican ad mlnlstratlon next year. There Is lota of prepared ness talk, but the all-absorbing preparedness, as I have said. Is that which betokens Impatient readlneee to inaugurate a republican president and get away from the present democratlo regime, which all con cede Is a mistake and of which everyone not person ally Interested la tired. Strange to say this feellns of disappointment In the democratic management :f national affaire seems to permeate generally. I find It among the bellboya at the hotel. In the barber shop, among the auffraglata In eeaslon. here and among the ant la as well; It waa thinly disguised In the Gridiron club sklta and rampant at the banquet of the League of Republicans Clubs; at the national committee meet-' Ing It waa the universal report, not from any section, or state of the union or group of states, but from pw tlcally every point of tha compass. I have been at tending the aeaelona of the republican national com mittee now for many years and I am free to say 1 never aaw a meeting with so much unanlmlty'of aentt ment, so little friction In agreeing on a program which naturally and Inevitably evokea divergent opinions, as much good natured acquiescence In the decisions reached and especially In tho keenly competed-fof choice of a convention city. This very competition for tho privilege of entertaining the convention which Is expected to nominate the next president. Is Itself a most encouraging sign. Tf anyone labors under the delusion that the repub I leans are to be short of presidential timber, he should cease fooling himself Of. course, the "presidential possibilities" class Is yet young and still open and the membership may not measure up to the same uniform standard. At the Orldlron, however, when the call waa made a whole row of "mantlonod-for-presldent" repub lican "toed the mark," while on the other side hut one democrat was available for Introduction to them President Wilson who so far appears "to hava a renomlnatlon assured without protest unless It came from Mr. Bryan. Another noticeable tone In the atmosphere Is the feeling of relief. I might perhaps say Jubilation, at the disappearance of Mr. Bryan from the official circle. The Orldlron boys echoed and re-echoed it and rubbed It In, and nonetheless everyone wants to know what Mr. Bryan la going to do next and will be sur prised If he does not start some sort of trouble for the president soon If he does not come out openly, for the nomination of another democratlo standard bfearer for 191s. The chief mualcal number, let me note before passing tho incident, was the Bryan parody sung to the tune made so familiar at our Ak-Sar-Ben Initiations, with tha retrain, "Good-Bye, Girls, I'm Through." It waa sung by Herndon Morsell, whom some of our old-timers will remember as the sweet voloed tenor of the Bostonlana In the early days, and It goes without saying that ha did tbe atunt artistically In every way. Except for tha transposition of the words to fit the Bryan episode, however, I could easily Imagine I was sitting out at the Den listening to Henry W, Dunn and tha melodious chorus that made It the catchy air on "The Iale of Pep." In Baltimore I observe the beginning of still another "preparedness" campaign, being the preparations be gun for the advent of our old friend, vBllly" Sunday, who la to be there next month, A house which Is a veritable mansion In the swellest part of the old resi dence secUon of the city, facing Mount Vernon Place and the Washington monument, has Just been leased for his headquarters and temporary home. The Taber nacle In Baltimore Is nowhere near as strategically located aa ours was In Omaha It la far from the business center. But Baltimore Is preparing to hum and brighten Its corners aa soon as "Billy" comes. c Twice Told Tales Ikars Wit. Blhu Roofs wtt waa being praised at the Metro politan club In New York, "Roofs sharp wit has scored many a good point for him," a lawyer said. "I remember once, years ago, I Introduced a very lmnortant wltne.a in . ..... against Root My witness was a fat, red-nosed man. aa i amia io uio juage: " This witness, your honor. Is a very responsible cltlsen. He holds a most Important position. In fact, be la the superintendent of the water works.' "When Root came to cross-examine my wltneas. be said, first: " 'So you are the superintendent of the water works, ah 7 " 'Tea, sir, Mr. Roof " 'And you give satisfaction r "Tea, air; I've gtven perfect satisfacUon at the water works for' seven years. " 'Humph. said Root mildly; -you look like a man who could be trusted with. any amount of water" Philadelphia Ledger. Fersmaalea. "Did understand you to say that this lad volun tarily confessed to playing truant 7" asked a school attendance officer, addressing the mother of a small and dirty boy. "Tea, sir, he did. the woman responded. "I just had to persuade hint a little and then he told me the whole thing, voluntarily. "How did you persuade h'roT" "Well, first I gave him a good hiding," said tha parent "and then I put him to bed without any supper and took hta clothes away and told him he'd stay In bad tin be confessed what he'd done, and that Z should punish him again In the morning. And In leas than half aa bour ha told mo the whole story of hta own account" CasaeH'a Magazine. Caaasrtaaa. Two welt dressed young men boarded a train ea Sunday afternoon at a suburban station on tha main line. They found every seat occupied with the ex ception of one. After several minutes of dabata aa to who would take tha seat the taller of the two young men sat down. Next to him In the seat waa a woman with a baby in her lap. Efforts on the part of the woman to entertain the child failed tha little one began to cry. The youth occupying the seat was very much discomfited at tha action or the baby. Finally be turned to tha woman and said: "Has that child any contagious disease?" "Tea," replied tha woman. , "and being you are of such a disposition you might catch It You aee. the baby'a teething." Philadelphia Telegraph. v I I y""r (J ... i i it jT2Z2J Tho dancing party given at Crounse's hall to her dancing olaae by Mlsa Almy waa a pronounced auc ease. Among thosa present were; The little Misses Fannie Burns. Gertrude Riagwalt, Lulu Hobble, Lottie Miller, Resale Towle. Beanie Putnam. Irene Teat Susie ColpeUer, Margaret Brown. O ret idea Croutue, Marie Orounse. Nellie Smith. Mamla Morse, Agnes Reed, BheUy Barrlnger, Mabel Taylor. Frances GUbet Dovte Hoaglaad, Katharine Prltchett and Master Henry Clarke, Joe Barker. Ray Hobble, Max Miller, Rosa Towle, Arthur Putnam. James Boyd. Moaner Ct Petaer. Garrett Hulat Ralph Conncll. Karl Connell. Cart Burnbam. Willie Burn ham, Fred Lake. George Gilbert Paul Hoagland and Nathan Bheltoa. The Canadian club was organised In rooms la tu Vnloa block. Tha board of directors consisted of Kira Millard. George H. Lealie. A. W. Patterson. R. a Hall. J. B. Sheldon, H. N. McLeod, W. R. McKensie, Dr. Van Camp. Dr. R 1. Malt ice. J, McDonald and William Campbell. John A. Mi-Shane presided at the second meeting of the Irth National league. Moaes O Ui leu waa ap pointed collector for tbe fund to aid Ireland. SECTTLAB, SHOTS AT rULFIT. Permit Free Prs: "Blllv" unday re fusee to come to Ptrolt unless all the ministers unite In Inritin him. May the minority continue to hold out. Brooklyn Eagle: We commend the At lanta Methodist minister who put $1"0 Into cotton speculation, ran It up to MM)!), and will build a home for the poor. "8'st thou a man diligent In his business, he ahall stand before kings." Henry Ford needs this minister's assist ance. v SpringflcM Republican: Bhould "the Apocrypha" be Included In the Protestsnt verolon of the Bible? This question, which moet people probably had supposed to have been settled In the negative, to stay so as long aa Catholics and Frotea tants remain afart. Is raised by Rev. tr. Mllo H. Gates, a New York Episcopal rector. He answers the question In the affirmative and proceeds to condemn tho Bible societies for Issuing poorly-printed and poorly-bound voVumes. Luther left the neglected writings out, and It seems doubtful tf Gates will succeed In opening the way for their return. Tbe other ques tion resolves Itself Into whether buyers of Bibles are getting their money's worth, when the money has to bo small In amount. New Tork Times: The great practical value to an organization Ilka the Protes tant Episcopal church of America of the establishment on a sound and scientific basis, of a pension fund for Ue .,000 clergymen admits of no argument The purely humane side of the question need not be disregarded, but pensions cannot be paid In good will and sympathy. It la well. In a practical sense, for the mem bers of a church to be able to feel that their not too highly paid minister few ministers have high salaries will net be burdened throughout his active life by the apprehension of poverty In his de clining years and the strong possibility that he may not be able to leave pro vision for hta family when he dies. When the church pension fund is established, as It will be when the needful reserve fund for Its foundation la obtained, the members of no Episcopal pariah need have uneasy feelings about the future of their rector, whether or not the resources of the parish are sufficient to compensate him in his active term according to his merits. TABLOIDS OF SCIENCE. The flatlron Is the most popular of all the electrical household devices. Every time a flfteen-lnch gun is fired a bale of cotton weighing BOO pounds Is blown away. Using radio-active phenomena for the baals of their calculations, two British scientists believe that the world is at least 711,000,000 years old. One of the largest English railways Is building a flreprooflng plant In which to treat all of the lumber used In cars which will be constructed in future. A careful test of two Swedish ships of identical design showed electric motors more economical for propulsion than triple expansion steam engines. Wood block paving is growing in pop ularity In the United Kingdom for the reason that it shows longer life under heavy automobile traffto than any other smooth pavement produced at equal ex pense. German experimenters have found that the waste beat from factories and Indus trial establlahments when conducted by means of pipes to the soil in which gar den and other plants are being cultivated causes fruits and vegetables to advance about twice as fast and to attain a size from 0 to 100 per cent greater than when grown under Identical conditions, but in unheated soil. ABOUND THE CITIES. Niagara Falls proposes to put up $485,000, one-half the total coat of elimi nating railroad grade crossings. Philadelphia reports that pickpockets are doing a land office business among Christmas shoppers, despite the additions of twenty-five detectives to the regular staff on duty. Btoux City maintains in good working order a fire department whistle, a scream ing rello of volunteer days. Protests against using it are sufficiently con vincing to induce the fire authorities to choke it off. Fort Dodge, la., feels a bit chesty, and rightly so, over the completion and oc cupancy of a $100,000 municipal building. It la all concrete and brick and stone trim, as bright and nifty as Mayor Ford at a reception. Since the first of the present year 49 persons have been killed by automobiles In New York City, forty-nine arrests have been made on account of the fatalities, and forty-eight of the forty-nine persons arrested have been discharged by city mactstrates or coroners. Kansas City finds that after cutting a canyon through a hill to reach the new union station the canyon may not be used by street cars until money can be had to slope the banks from thirty to eighty feet high, and avert the danger of elides. Oscar Ryan of Roux City, engineer and Janitor of the Iowa building, la back from Washington, where he demonstrated a device which adds to the clearness and softness of the voice transmitted over the telephone or through a phonograph. Ha waa promised a patent. Wichita's Jitney regulation ordinance declared valid by the state supreme court Is a humdinger and some over. Jitneys are not permitted to seek business on thoroughfares occupied by street rail ways, but must confine operations to streets unoccupied by other passenger traffic lines. WOMEN'S ACTIVITIES. . The first official act ot Governor Stan ley, recently elected In Kentucky, waa to appoint MUa Minnie Mahler of Henderson as his private secretary. Miss Mahler had been his secretary for the seven years of his term In congress. Bhe Is the first woman to bold the position of pri vate secretary to the governor. A state bureau of visual education Is the latest thing with which teachers In Kansas will have to contend. Its work will be to Institute a motion-picture cir cuit In tha schools, and courses will be established for training In photography and picture making. It la planned by means of motion pictures to fix In the minds of students facts that they have learned by ear. Tbe child-labor law In Pennsylvania will go Into effect January 1. To meet the requirements, continuation classes will be formed In many of the department stores In Philadelphia. The auperlntendent of schools announces that nine oonoarna, em ploying 1.30O children between the am of 14 to !. had notified him that they have arranged to maintain tha schools In their own establishments and would conform with tbe course of study laid down bv the board. People and Events A speed maniac In St. Louts trifled with the dignity of the court by swearing that It waa his first offense. The record was pulled on him and Judgment entered: For lying , for speeding $5. A California woman who waa denied the right to rote because In marrying a Brlftsh subject she loat her American rights, quickly recovered her sovereign poise by Inducing her husband to swear off on King George. Remember that feeling of Joy which thrills the cuticle on discovering the morning after a V unknowingly left over from the night before? Something like It, multiplied several times, thrilled a New York woman. Going through the effects of her late husband she discovered a bank book showing a deposit of $73 made In 154. The bank Is etlll aound and the account stands st $1,630. . Pome years ago an Omaha pilgrim, on his maiden trip to New York, blow Into the then famous Eden Musee on Thirty third street, bumped against a policeman Inside the door and offered profuse apolo gies for his rudenese. The roar of native chaperons let In sufficient light to con vince him that he waa talking to a wax figure. The dumb cop was one of scores of realistic figures of great personages In that wonder shop, which haa outlived lis day. At a recent auction of the re mains the figure of George Washington was knocked down for $9. A sympathetic New Yorker, moved to action by the hard luck story of a young woman who said her husband did not love her as she wanted him to, gave her a condolence kiss and took the elevator. He left his number, however, and will be given his day in court on a charge of assault. WHITTLED TO A POINT. Wbat can't he cured should be Insured. It Is harder to save a penny than It Is to earn It. An Ignorant wise man la lees dangerous than an educated fool. Poets are born therefore their ances tors should be held responsible. Some women apeak much to a man's heart and nothing to his mind. Few of the wives who drive their hus bands to drink have to use whips. A good dinner may transform a bitter memory Into a pleasant forgettery. When a woman loves a man she loves to make him believe that she doesn't It Isn't always a sign that a man la henpecked that his wife calls him pet names in public. It Is decidedly rough on the leading lady of a. theatrical aggregation when she Is compelled to step off the track to let a train pass. Chicago News. DOMESTIC PLEASANTRIES. "I don't like to have my huahand prop up a newspaper at the breakfast table. LK you?" "Oh. I don't know. It keeps the grap fruit from spattering as far as It other wise might." Louisville Courier-Journal. Mlsa Fasav What dn you want thst shopworn old nobleman for? There a nothing to him. Mies Bargain Welt, he's been on the market so long I can get his title cheap. Baltimore American. . "When a man doe anything well he ought to get credit for It," remarked the generous-minded man. "Not alwava," replied Bronoo Bob. "Me an Piute Pete got the reputation of bein' such good poker players that It completely spoiled business." Wash- . Ington Star. "Now, hnbby, I want to be helpful." said the bride. "Pleas my little wife." "So, If you have any coupons to be clipped you may turn that work over to me." Baltimore American. Mother Elsie, why are you tearing the leaves off that calendar? Klalel m Just trying to make my birth day hurry up, mamma. Boston Tran script. ' PLIGHT OF THE BARD. John W, Carey, In Judge. Twaa tho month before Christmas, and all through the land Ye scribes who do verses some simple, some grand Were scratching In chorus, from 'Frisco to York. In hopes, one and all, something new to uncork Something off, as It were, of the time honored beat. That might score a safe hit with a Christmastlde sheet Now hear ye of one ot such scribes. If you please! He had sacrificed clumber and oomfort and ease In a desperate quest for some holiday Thatkn"w not the age of the hills and the oaks. He had toyed with his pad and his pen and his Ink . . A . And had cudgled bis brains, but of naught could he think But of Jests that were fuzzy and weil out of date When Adam and Eve hung their hose on the grato Of the spinster who longed to be smacked by a swain And under the mistletoe lingered In vain: Of the whiskers which go with the S. Claus attire. And zip! are no more when they get near the fire; Of the man who climbed up on the roof as fct Nick, And then as a burglar got Jailed double quick: Of tics that are wished off on father and socks By ma, who gets gems In a plush-covered box; Of Junk for one's boudoir, that comes In a set The kind no sane being would use on a bet; ' Of the bills whloh poor dad has to pay on the first Old gags by the score from the best to the worst Including, of course, the parodlcal skit On "The Night Before Christmas," and well, this Is It. Consistently Progressive THE Woodmen O1 World WORKS OVER WAGES WON OVER WASTE WINS OVER WANT WATCHES OVER WIDOWS We Secured More Applications During November Than Any Similar Society. Tbe American People Readily Recognize Merit. Ask About Our OLD AGE BENEFITS. TELL DOUGLAS 1117 AND WE'LL TELL YOU. J. T. YATES, Secretary. W. A. FRASER, President VIA ILLINOIS CENTRAL Route of the Seminole Limited THE ALL STEEL TRAIN Consisting of Magnificent Son-Parlor Observation and Up-To-Iat Steel Pullman Cars. 4 THE MOST DIRECT SERVICE TO THE SOUTH AND SOUTH-EAST Round trip reduced WINTER Tourist Tickets on sale daily, limited to return Just 1st, 1910. Hat- to Principal points as follows: Jacksonville . , Orniond 8t. Petersburg Jayton . . , . , Tampa Orange City . . Havana, Cuba S50.G8 857.08 SG3.28 857.18 SG2.28 S5JD.78 Ft. Lauderdale 871 28 Palm Reach 8G9.18 Miami Key West Fort Meyers . . . 8G9.1! 872.78 883.78 807.38 887.18 Tickets to many other points at same proportional rates. Tickets via Washington, D. C, in one direction, returning via any direct line, at sliffhtly higher rates. For full particulars, descriptive literature and sleeping car reservations, call at City Ticket Office or write fi. North, District Psusenger Agent, 107 Kouth 16th St., Omaha. Phone Doug. 204. Mrs. K. R. J. Ed holm. State Agent, Red Ooaa CtirUtoxaa Brnls. wi sxruuru x neater uiuiaing. Teaepnone Tyler 19fll. 11 0 0 n I