12
THE HKE: OMAHA. SATURDAY, APRIL i!4. 1915.
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE
POUNDED BT EDWARD R088WATER.
VICTOR ROSKWATER, EDITOR.
TM P. Publishing Company. Proprietor.
BEB BIHLD1NQ. FARNAM AND SEVENTEENTH.
Entered at Omthi poetofflo second -claas matter.
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omcia.
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CORRESPONDENCE.
Address eornnjunleetfona relating to news and adW
torlal mattar to Omaha Baa, Editorial Dtptrtinai
MARCH CLRCTXATIOJC,
52,092
Stat of Nebraska. County of Douglas, aa
Dwlaht William, circulation moMr of The Baa
PubliahTng company, being duly iom, aaya that the
average circulation for the month of March. UU,
waa
DWTOHT WILLIAMS, Circulation Manager.
' Subscribed la mr presence an aworn to be for
me, this M day ft April. 1S1IV.
ROBERT HUNTER. Notary Publlo.
Subscribers leaTlng tti city temporarily
ahoold hav The Be mailed to tbem. Ad
i dnma will bo chanced aa often m reqneated.
Mi Aura M m" '
11
Thought for the Day
5Wctf hy Mary Loaif A Jam
AUtKtU,at allt
Last tvtr pott recall,'
jEarta (Mngu. brU thy soul and Ood "
stand sure;
What entered into Out,
That tea, it, and th&ll bt:
Jims' vketl runt back tr ttopi
Potter and day indurt.Bob't Browning.
4
If you ere still nnreKliitered, doa't tlim
anyona but rounatf for keeping you from voting.
Everybody Beams to ba for the proposed
achool bonds. If anyone is fighting them, be It
keeping mighty quiet about it. .
But piling up all that surplus to the credit
of the water fund only proves that the rates ex
acted from water users )n Omaha ere altogether
higher than they ought 'to be.
I Lincoln High ecbool debaters nave carried
off the trophy from our Omaha High school ora
tors. Never mtnd, boys, remember the copy
book adage,' "If at first you don't succeed, try,
try again." . .
But why thould our amiable contemporary,
the World-Herald, go out of Its way to conceal
the fact, that th candidate's experience as an
' advertising solicitor was as an employ of that
newspaper? '
Washington Is actively.competlng with Rome
and Amsterdam in the production of peace ru-
' mors. The home article, however, has the ad
vantage; of bearing the sign of quality, "Made
:in the U. 8."
.1
A visiting Methodist bishop declares that
"no state needs prohibition, more than' Ne
braska." That's a matter of viewpoint. We
venture to assert, also, that no state needs pro
hibition lese than Nebraska.
!. ' ggg '
. Away back in 4100 B. C, hieroglyphics on
tone ahow that candidates for office pledged
themselves to work in the Interest of the whole
people. .Despite the progress of mankind in
, other lines', modern offlceseekers have not
passed the ancient promising point.
A Chicago preacher enlivened the gaiety of
his pulpit and edified his flock by interpreting
.the gospel of pugilism and laying down rules of
conduct for ' the newly-arrived ''White hope."
While such forward-looking ministers adorn the
profession the charge of pulpit backwardness
cannot b sustained.
The budget of the empire stste for the com
ing fiscal year foots up $68,000,000, exclusive
of special appropriations which will run the total
up to 176,000,000, and exoeed last year's total
by $14,000,000. This Is equal to a per capita of
of $1.44. Nebraska's per capita stands at $8.40.
Comparatively, in the matter of state expense,
the Antelope stat Is In the Jitney class.
The newscomer in Omaha should understand
that In order to vote at the impending city elec
tion be must be registered ten days in advance
And this applies alio to every other resident not
yet registered or who may have moved froni
one voting district to another. There Is noth
ing s provoking as to be turned away from the
polls because unable to find one's name la the
books, but with tew exceptions the fault la due
to the victim's neglect
XT
Local fan ara asog for tha opening- gama of tha
Waalera laajnia aaaaoa la Omaha with tha Clavaland
clue aa vUltora.
It wfll be Interesting- to Omaha people to know
that tha new novel. "The Duanea." which la creating
quite a furare In tha literary world, ta tna production
of Mrs. ' Alice Kins Hamilton, tha wife of Captain
Hamilton of Tort Omaha.
Xjt. R. C. Moore baa gone to New Orleana to at
tend the annual meeting of the America Medical aa.
Soclatloa.
i Charles W. Vaa Tuyt of the freight auditing da
parlmeot of the Union Paotflo has been promoted to
M aaalatant chief clerk.
Tha finder f a woman shell caa gold watch.
'Weltham movement, will be rewarded for leaving It
at Edaolm A Erlc-kaoa'a.
Fertlee erUhlng a aeamatrees guaranteeing cutting
and fitting eatufectorlly will addreae Mr. J. -Arnold,
JU North Sixteenth street
Mrs. W. A. Pax ton has gone to visit bar son now
ea whs.el at Karln Wta
t
Americsn Kfutrality for Americans.
It was hardly to be expected that the en
Ihustarts for war in the countries now rngaged
In combat would endore the sentiments ex-
prenspd by the president In bis neutrality speech
at New York. lie must have had this thought
In mind wben he gave utterance to his admoni
tion to his countrymen to be Americans first.
last and all the time. But why should either
England or Germany think that the United
States should erpoupe its cause? Each claim t
to be fighting the fight of civilization, of prog
ress atalnst tyranny and for the advancement
of humanity. An observer situated as Is Uncle
Gam must bo Impressed with the thought that
if these belligerents were sincere In their pro
fessions they might have achieved their desires
without going to war. To be sure, they have
Just now the support of no less an authority
than Dr. Lyman Abbott, who says the war Is an
agency for the uplift of humanity, although he
docftn't go into details and explain how the race
Is to be benefited by the wholesale butchery of
men and wanton waste of property that Is now
going on.
For 139 years the United States has been
dedicated to human liberty and to peace. It
has engaged In war, but only when driven to it,
and when no other recourse was open. Its wars
have always been in defense of and to maintain
human rights and liberty. It may some day
again be Involved in war, but it will not be
through adopting the quarrel of one friendly na
tion against another.
The most satisfactory endorsement the neu
trality policy of the United States could possibly
have Is that both sides to the fighting find fault
with us for not favoring them.
The Colonel in Court.
Quite aside from its Importance as a suit at
law between two prominent citizens of a great
state, the libel case now on trial at Syracuse has
features that command the attention of the pub
lic. In other times the defendant in this case
has expressed his personal views as to the course
of Justice in America, and has suggested some
changes be holds would be good for all. - Now,
as we view him actually In court, we may have
a concrete illustration of the application of his
theories. Here we see blra questioning the law
yers, enlightening the Judge, debating law points
for the Jurors, and now and again Joining In the
general laufhter that follows on his words. He
shows heat. Indignation, even anger; he is gen
ial, affable, sardonic, elusive, frank, reticent and
eager, and always keeps himself Just a little bit
ahead of the others, as a good general should.
Whether the ancient dignity of the court will
survive the shock, and It probably will. It will
have a set of precedents for the hearing and de
termination of personal suits that will be well
worth preserving.
Two Good Men.
In every election it is the "outs" against thi
ins," but In our present city campaign there Is
no special reason for making the issue "admin
istration" or "anti-administration." ' As we see
it, it is merely a question np to the voters to se
lect out of the fourteen names to go on the offi
cial ballot the candidates who promise to make
the best and most efficient public ' servants.
Everybody knowa what the present incumbents
have done, and may be expected to continue to
do, while their competitors must be Judged on
records in public or private' business previously
mad.
For the primary The Bee eommended several
commlsslonershlp aspirants to the favor of those
who believe there Is room for Improvement in
the city hall, and we repeat for the election what
w then said about them:
Walter 8. Jardlna-Tranafer and Merchant' Ex-
preesj a bustneee man who has made a surceaa of 1iU
bualneaa, and of demonstrated executive ability. Kor
years an Ak-6ar-Ben governor, never ahlrklng hta
work nor loafing on the job.
Harry B. Z Unman Formerly mayor of Omaha.
Started as a grocery clerk, now In law office of
Weaver At Oilier. Student of municipal government,
and more familiar with Omaha's civic need than any
ether man.
The fact that these two candidates ran high
est 6t all the sixty-six competitors against the
incumbent seven must attest their comparative
strength with the public when standing on their
own individual merits.
Democratic Prospects in Nebraska.
Our Nebraska democratic brethren at the
present writing seem about as happy as they
ever can hope to be. More than the usual num
ber of rows are breeding In the camp, and the
followers of the donkey see a fight in whatever
way they turn their eyes. Principal of these
will be the personally conducted contest be
tween a senator of the United mate, and Ibe
premier of President Wilson's cabinet.
The senator is very busily strewing tacks
and broken glass along the path over which tho
Bryan cos riot will be expected to pass at the
time of the primaries next spring. The secre
tary of state is preparing softly but surely to go
through the anti-Bryan fences Just as he did at
Baltimore. Followers of Champ Clark and oth
ers on the outside pretend to see occasion for
great rejoicing la the belief that Bryan has lost
his grip on his home state. They don't know
Bryan, that's all. Both Bryan and Hitchcock
appear, to pay Governor Morehead the compli
ment of considering him a possibility, by try ins
to knock holes la any boomlet he may be in
flating. -. Local leaders of the party are getting ready
to go on way or the other, as the golag seens
best, and the underfed donkey still mourns be
cause the big Nebraska federal plums are still
out of reach. The names of good republican
are still being signed to the payroll in place
where loyal domocrats long to write theirs. The
prospect for a beautiful fight between the demo
cratic factions In Nebraska waa never more
luminous.
8an Francisco Is much gratified with thj
exposition gate receipts, which have exceeded
expenses during the first two months. To tho
stockholders the showing raises hopes of divi
dends at the finish. Exposition dividends are
exceedingly rare, Omaha standing at the toj
and almost alone with 0 per cent repaid to
stockholders of the Transmlaslsslppl exposition.
Patronizing home industry should be mado
a living fact, not vocal theory. If it ia neces
sary to go to Chicago for auditors of account
books it Is up to the Commercial club to fill thkt
vacancy in Omaha's clerical equipment.
Tho Political Caldron
WKLU yes. a city campaign la now In progTea. It
ia a going concern. Tha forty-two-centlmetcr
political pops"", have been placed upon their mount
ing and the opposing force are lining up for the
gymkan. Thero rnuat bo something to fight about,
that I certain. Jut aa there l In every fight In this
caae one coterie of men want to retain their places In
the rlty hall and another aronp believe they have a
call to admlr.mter the public's bulnea. On May 4 the
public a 111 referee the bout and announce the winners.
t.'p to date tha campaign ha been a sort of
Cheaterfleldlen affair, but tha participants are begin
ning to Inject a little tabaeco Into the menu. During
the primary campaign the wort words used were
"capitalistic cockroach," but the final conteat promises
now to overshadow tha preliminaries.
Mayor Dahlman. the other evening, conferred the
degrees of "green guy." upon the tlx "people's candi
date," a they are now known, being otherwise
designated a tha "antl" or "out." The mayor said
a mouthful when he called his opponents green guy
To be a green guy means quite a lot. Oreen Is quite
a popular shade, much In vogue In the aprtnrtlme. To
be a plain everyday guy would be an Indefinite
decrlptlon. because there are "good guy." and "bad
guys" Just ordinary "guys." But to be a green guy
my word that Is the something which makes the
populace sit up and take notice. The people'a candi
date are smarting under this classification of the
mayor's, however, and they threaten to eearch Web
ster's book of words for some orthograflo concoction
which will make the mayor and his crew take to the
booby hatch.
This makes u aak, are we going to have a cam
paign of mud-sltnglng and back-bltlng. Gentlemen!
Are we to hear a lot of recrimination, maledictions.
Invective, expletives. Imprecations, anathemas, persi
flage, foldorol and badinage? Are our senses of hear.
Ing to be ansaulted by Inoendlary aaperalonsT Are the
combatant candidates going to engage In a forensic
free-for-all T
It seems that some certain candidates are In danger
of having their hand tied by some unscrupulous
buccaneer or pirate who stalks abroad looking for un
suspecting official. It muat be so, because several
candldatea have promised that If elected they will not
permit their hand to he tied by anybody. They will
repule icily anybody who would attempt to enmeen
their hands In an way. The painful spectacle of view
ing a city commissioner going to work with his hands
tied will not be necessary longer and the base churl
who ha been tieing the hands of our city officials had
better beat it right away.
The campaign la bringing out a new crop of orators
and one of these exponents of publlo speaking is Ed
ward Simon. When Mr. Simon appeared a few even
ings ago before the customary political audience, ha
made a decided hit He ran the gamut from the gay to
tiie grave and he used with fine effect all of the arts
of the forum. He jeferred to tha mother's pension
law which he put through the legislature and he con
jured up touching word pictures of the tired mother
and her little ones saved from separation by the op
eration of his new law. He surprised and overwhelmed
even the mayor who is an old hand at the speaking
bualnes.
Talking of public talkers again, there I Harry
Zlmman, who takes after Bob Im Follette In that he
like to cite to the records as the best evidence. He
will hark back to counrllmanlo doings of years gone
by and pour out municipal statistics, physical valua
tions and other refreshing aqueous and electrical
fluids. Ztmman started speaking ptecea wnen he
worked In a Douglas street grocery store years ago.
lie learned self-confidence by meeting the public as
customers from day to day and spoke his first dec.
lamatlon at a Sunday school picnic. Now he Is classed
as one of the foremost political orators In the arena.
The people's candidates have a few other worth
hearing speakers, too more or less worth-hearing
such as M. O. Cunningham, D. C. Patterson. W. V.
Baxter, William Clancy. C. F. Harrison and I. J. Dunn,
not candidates, but lust oratorical volunteers. On the
other or administration side the aeronauts are H. B.
Fleharty, U J. Plattl, U. J. TePoet, J. A, RJne and
Tom Flynn.
. Before the battle of the ballots en May i we ara
promised a battle of the bottle, according to tha
mayor's latest pronouncement. He avers that he will
make the antls draw cards tn the game of wet and
dry whether they will or not He says he Is captain
of the ship and adds that he 1a some captain. He la
now learning a lot of nautical terms which he will ue
as the campaign progresses.
Which reminds us, no one has yet promised to go
gunning for the gunmen of which It waa so Imperative
to rid Omaha, last fall when the political big guns
were shooting at the governorship target Who first?
The slate-makers are already busy and all kinds
of "alatea" are coming out of their hiding places. The
number of combinations of seven or less than seven
that can be formed out of fourteen Is within the pos
sibilities of exact mathematical calculation. That Is
tha number of "slates" that will be out before the polls
close on the last vote deposited In the box.
Twice Told Tales
A Bit at Conceit.
"My brother In the trenches." said a French chtf
of Milwaukee, "write me a little anecdote about
General Joffre, the generaltaalmo, you know.
"Our bttav Joffre waa examining a map while
under fir. ' The map wa held by a young Ubaltrn,
a boy of 1 from the military achool of St Cyr. Bang!
8-a-c! went the marmites and Jack Johnsons and
whistling Willies for so they call those shells, you
know and the boy could not help starting and trem
bling as h held the map, and this lost our brave
Joffre hi place. .
"Tho generallaslmo was vexed when he lost his
place three or lour time, and he said to the boy
oldleri
" 'Volla. you are too conceited, dodging the shells
like that! Vo you suppose the Roches aim thoae ex
pensive shells at you? You are only a little boy sol
dier. Do you take yourself for a cathedral? "Mil
waukee Sentinel.
A Feeler.
Pete, the hired man, was known for his prodigious
appetite. One morning be bad eaten a normal, break
fast of oatmeal, buckwheat cakes, toast, tried potatoes,
ham, egg, doughnuts, coffee, and the usual trimmings,
and gone to a neighbor's to help with extra work.
Pete arrived before the family had risen from the
morning meal.
"Well. Pete." hospitably Inquired the farmer, "had
breakfast yetT"
"Aw," drawled Fete In a wheedling tone, "kind."
Everybody's Magaslne.
People and Events
Colorado's lady senator says It took her two years
to learn how to keep still. Wise girl. The gum-ahoe
method comer the goods while the nolsemaker Is
admiring his voice.
Kastern paper carry an account of the discovery
of "the oldest Inhabitant of Nebraska." It muat be
a fable. Ne absentees from the Douglas County Pio
neers' room have been reported.
. Safety first will go the limit In Coney Island during
the season. Hot dog. eeteemee as the favorite dish
of the aeaahore. will be handed out in sealed carton
for the edification of epicure. . ,
With the price of electricity cut to I cents a kilowatt
hour In New York, cooking by electricity la growing
steadily and promisee to give SO-cent gas a lively run
for the mastery of the kitchens.
California base tall manager are putting new
thrill Into the game, hoping to fatten the boa office.
A the circus clown pulls a rlrcus rube from the
audience to ride the trick mule, the Call torn la as fake
attacka on the umpire, ho thrashes the disturber,
boas to the grandstand, puts on his nauxsle and
I screams, "I'lay ball:"
JBL
C3
Brief eoatrlemtlome ea Umely
topios Invited. Ta Bee assumes
a reepomslbUitr for eplaioaa ef
correspondents. All letters snb.
Jeot to condensation by editor.
Staffraglata I.Ike Saffraae Phot
May.
SOUTH OMAHA, April 23 -To the
Editor of The Bee: I was a member of
the Convention of Douglas county suf
frsglets In Omaha when that body of
ficially endorsed the plsy, "Your Girl 'and
Mine" I wish through your columns to
exnreaa appreciation of this photo drama
and Its motive, which ia to educate the
public.
This photo play was recently shown In
South Omaha, and In all the twenty-eight
years I have resided here I can testify
that there has never been a program
given that so touched the hearts of an
audience. Points brought out vividly In
the pictures are the selfish contentment
of the young heiress until she suffered
cruel wrongs herself; unjust laws govern
ing property rights of women; the double
standard of morals; the crime of child
labor, and the lack of equal guardianship
for mothers with fathers of their children.
I heartily endorse this great play and
Its motive. MRS. El B. TOWU
Isaerasee.
OMAHA, April M.-Ti the Editor of The
Bee: My daughter, poor thing. Is aa
Ignorant girl, and she never could learn
how to dance; she don't even know how
to roll a spit-curl, or to melt a man's)
heart with a glance. She can't under
stand how Important It Is to learn how to
ogle her eyes, and while talking to
mutter "Great Scott" and "Gee Whls,"
and to call men "rubes, bone-heads and
guys."
She's nearly through school, and has
never yet read that novel called ,'Only
a Skirt;" she cannot drink wine for It
goes to her head, and she's too dull snd
stupid to flirt
My daughter, I fear, is an Ignorant
child, . and can never be brought up to
date; with Joyrldes and beer she Is never
beguiled, for she csn't learn to swallow
the bait. She's timid and bashful and
never has kissed any men but her
brothers and dad, she's too self-conceited
to know whet she's missed, and with her,
prudish pride Is a fad.
Yet, nevertheless, she has learned a few
tricks that perhaps will come handy some
day; she can build a hot fire with a very
few sticks, and boll tea without any de
lay. She turns a flap-Jack In the wink of
an eye, her bread takes A prise at the
fair, she cooks a hot meal with soup,
salad and pie, while I'm washing, and
dressing my hair. She's too dumb to
learn how to play at bridge whist or to
spread the white paint on her noae, but
whenever a dollar escapes from her fist,
she can toll you where every cent goes.
She's a poor, simple thing, yet her
mother declares she's the very best girl
In the land; always eager to help with
,the household affairs., and on wash day
to lend her a hand; and she furthermore
says that this old-fashioned girl never
give any cause for alarm, that while
others are Joining the wild ' midnight
whirl, her daughter stands clear of the
torm.
And so while I know she's not forward
nor smart, and avoids the world's glitter
and glare, yet this happy assurance brings
Joy to my heart; In cur home there is no
vacant, chair. E. O. M'INTOSH.
Mississippi River Levee Project.
MEMPHIS. Tenn., April M.-To the
Editor of The Bee: There has been so
much misunderstanding about the flood
problem on the lower Mississippi river
that the Mississippi River Levee associ
ation, representing the people of the ter
ritory affected, has compiled a few brief
tacts regarding the whole situation.
First of all the people of thla section
are not asking for reclamation at the
hands of the national government. They
are simply asking for protection from
water that ta sent down upon them from
all parte of that great region between the
Rockies and the Alleghanles ss far north
aa Canada. They would not ask for this
under normal conditions, but the abnor
mal condition that haa been created by
the rapid development and drainage of the
upper country, throws a burden upon
them that they are not able to bear
without the aid of the national govern
ment. Furthermore all tho great en
gineers who have studied this question
arc unanimous that the simplest and
quickest way to deal with the problem
is to complete the levee system now
under way.
The damage which occurs when these
levees break la more than twice as great,
as the estimated total cost of completing'
the' system, and from the table of floods
given one will see thst these great floods
are much more frequent than is) generally
believed.
I believe that there Is a general Im
pression abroad that the national govern
ment has been doing the work of curbing
these floods ta Its entirety, while the
truth Is that in all the history of govern
ment expenditures for this river levee, as
far back aa 1M0, while IV.OOO.OOO haa been
spent In a spasmodto and desultory man
ner by the government 171, 000.004 has
been expended by th localities them
selves since the civil wsr.
The people of this stricken region are
going to make an effort to get a definite
and comprehensive project authorised at
the heat session of congress. Independent
of tha river and harbor bill, so that the
whole work may be completed In a short
time Just as ws don In the case of the
"Vnama canal. JOHN A. FOX.
Here and There
Mrs. Veronica Meyer of Newark. N. J..
Is the mother of twenty-five children,
all living, and has two foster children
to help fill up the house.
A man In Washington, D. C. Is so fat
that he was unable to kill himself with
three shots of a revolver. He weighs 450
pounds. The three bullets fslled to hit
a vital part.
E. J. Tanner of MrKtnney, Ky gets his
name misspelled so often that he has had
printed the following card: My mam Is
not E. J. Farmer, nor C J. Tanner, nor
K. J. Hanaa. nor D. J. Turner, nor E. J.
McKlnoey. nor P. J. Darner, nor F. M.
Dare, bat E. J. Tanner. My edresa la not
McKlnley, nor McHenry, ner McKenstc,
aor McKenaa, but McKlnney.
Absentee voting Is made possible at fu
ture elections In Iowa by the passage ot
a bill by the state legislature. By the
terma cf the bill a voter expecting to be
absent on election day may make affi
davit to that affeot to the county auditor,
secure a ballot and mark It. The market!
ballot Is placed in a sealed envelope and
la to be deposited In the election ballot
box. If the bill Is approved by the gov
ernor the system of absentee voting wll'
dispense with swearing ta vutea.
Editorial Viewpoint
Pittsburgh Dispatch: The twentieth
century is original In one point. It de
velops an abrupt departure from the
course of ail Its predecessors In effecting
a decided sepsrstlon between these an
cient cronies. Mars and Bacchus.
Pittsburgh Dispatch: Csptsln Their
felder of the Kron Prinx Wllhelm ssys
that he want to go to sea 'again a lit
tle more emphatically than his predeces
sor 6f the Citel Freldrlch. Both probably
have an ample force of marines It or for
whom they csn talk.
Boston Transcript: The announcement
that a hurglsr -tile a joker outfit from
the offlre of a southern congressman In
the house office building will probably be
foilesed by a flood of requests for some
of thos4 free chips and playing cards
Instead cf garden seeds.
St Louis C.lobe-Drmocrat: The old
fashioned populists hsve derived much
satisfaction from the triumph of some of
their once ridiculous theories. Now comes
a New Jersey man and vindicates Jere
miah Simpson by announcing that he has
never had cold feet since he abandoned
the use of sock a
Philadelphia Ledger: A new estimate Is
that eighteen months of the war will cost
M1.000.000.0nn. Thla Is wltbln a few
bllllsns of the whole valuation of Ameri
can farms. It shows that In less than
two years the folly of man can wreck
the work cf centuries which man In his
wisdom hss steadily achieved.
New York World: President E. B.
Thomas cf the Lehigh Valley railroad
manifests a disposition to get onto th
band wagon. Indeed, his letter to Presi
dent Wilson Indicate that he Is already
aboard and woll up to the front with a
megaphone, roaring forth a purpose to
spend $1,000,000 right away on Improve
ments With the rest of our railroad
presidents similarly placed and equipped,
there will no longer be any question about
the effect of a "stats of mind" on the
country's business.
Philadelphia Reeoro: Wheat may be
getting aa scarce as the Chicago bulla
Imagine, but It la Just as well to remem
ber that In four weeks ending April 10
Argentina exported over 21,000,000 bushels,
and must have 60,000.000 or 60,000,0001
bushels left to export even st a low com
putation of Its surplus; that next month
Indian wheat will be on the market, snd
the Indian acreage Is greater than ever
before, and that In less than two months
our own wheat will begin to reach mar
ket And, then, there la the possibility of
getting through the Dsrdsnelles and Into
the Russian granaries.
LINES TO A SMILE.
,. Mrt,j the aAtutant. hse.
Cut the war correspondent on the tacs.
ut he refue to disclose our plsn.
In thst event." responded the greet
genersl. "we must wait until the first
edition of his paper Is rua off. " Philadel
phia Ledger.
"Why did Julius Caesar refuse a crown
when it was offered to him?" asked the
bngllsh teacher.
' 'Cause he dliln't need the money,
replied the British boy. TonkerS States
man. He I never see a woman smoking a
cigarette but I remind her that she is
driving snot her nail In her coffin.
She I theusrht vnu man claimed that a
-n m a n .AttM.'t A 4 A Mail .HnatOlt
Transcript.
KABIBBLE
KABARET r
uks iwrs out smiNix
Flrtt Figure Are you a pillar of the
church?
Second Figure No. I'm a flying but
tressI support It from the outside. Yale
Record.
Randolph Is that Buxton's new girt
with him?
Sylvester Oh, nc; that's Just ons of his
old ones painted ever. Judge.
"These pampered dog of th rich are
rather listless, It seems to me."
"Yes; you never see one of them burr
ing a marshmallow or worrying a choco
late drop." Judge.
THE USUAL THING.
Baltimore American.
Where Is the man with soul so dead
Who never to himself hath said,
"When I have worked for quite a while.
And saved me up a little pile,
I'll fly from row of city streets
To one of those fresh green retreats,
And buy a little country place.
To raise of chickens quit a racs.
"I'll rt my food straight from the soli.
And make the chickens pay my toll.
'Tls easy task, I understand.
To bring up chickens waII by hand,
For all who tire of business strife.
Look forward to this sort of life.
And -see th end ef work's alarm
In buying a five-acre farm.
"And as for kitchen gardens, why
It really Is no harm to try.
For all you do Is put seeds in
The soil; they grow, and then you win.
So why do people laugh at me
When I a farmer wish to be.
And pass in ease my quiet days
With naught to do but chickens raise?"
Gasologue No. ?A
"You buy steak by" the pound, don't
you?"
"Wen?"
"If you bought it by the gallon you'd
still want heavy steaic, wool dn' t you ? "
"Yes. I'd get more nourishment.
More heat units for my money."
"Then heary 6teak provided it's
digestible is a better bargain?"
"Yes, of course. What's that got to
do with gasoline?"
"Gasoline is fuel isn't it?"
"Yes, motor-fuel."
"Just as steak is body-fuel."
"Yes, but-"
"And heavy gasoline has more
nourishment, more heat units, more
miles per gallon than light tras
oline "
"But my car can't digest heavy eas
olinel" "Not too heavy, of course. But the
digestibility of gasoline, automlogic
ally speaking, depends primarily on
its ignition point, not its gravity."
"Then low ignition point is the thing
to insist upon?"
"Yes, or an easier way is to ask for
Red Crown Gasoline. Your engine
can digest it Red Crown is quick
suiting always, in any weather. And
gallon for gallon it's a better bargain,
when you figure miles per gallon."
"Red Crown, eh?"
"Yes and for different though equally
important reasons you should ask for
Po larine too -when you buy your
oil."
STANDARD OIL COJIPANY
WUASSAJ
9MAJU
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