TIIK BKE: OMAUAi FMDAY, APRIL 23. 1915.
6
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE
FOUNDED BT EDWARD ROSEWATKR.
VICTOR ROSEWATER. EDITOR.
Th Pee, Publishing; Company. Proprietor.
BF.B PriLDlNO. TARNAM AND BKVF.MTEKNTH.
TnlrrrA at Omaha postofflee M second-elaaa matter.
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OEKICES.
Omaha-The Pes Building.
Pouth Omaha Sit N street.
CounrU Bluffs 14 North Mala street
Lincoln 2 Little Building.
Chicago n Hart Building
New Tork-Room 11, M Fifth avenue.
Ft. Ioiitn-WB New Bank of Commerce.
Washington 7 Fourteenth Bt.. N. W.
COR RES PONDENCB,
Address eommunlretlons relating to news sn ed1
torial mattar to Omaha Baa, rltorlai , DapartroegA.
MAKCH C1UCLXATIO.N,
52,092
State af Nebraska. County at Douglas, aa.
Dwtght Williams, circulation manaaer of Tha Baa
Publishing company, bain a duly sworn, ears that tha
average rtrculation for the montn of March, WIS,
we fci.Wl
DWIGHT WILLIAMS, Circulation Manager.
Sul-ecrthed In my presence and awero to bafora
ma, tola M day of April. lfu.
ROBERT HUNTER, Notary Publlo.
Sabecribm leftTlag Of city temporarily
fcboadd have Tba D mailed to tbem. Ad
Areas will ba changed aa often aa relocated.
r?
April tl
Thought for the Day
Slmct4 ay Mary H. Chary
Lit m bot diligently vcork
And duly pray;
Let mt bt kind in dud and ward
Jutt ffr today.
Canon Wilbur for ct.
It ta possible to shoot off a lot of political
fireworks in ten days.
To the Nebraska editors: Tha way to show
your appreciation Is to come again.
Delayed tree planting is almost as good, Just
so tbe planting is not too long delayed.
The balance of power in the Real Estate ex
change seems to have a pendulum-like motion.
Dollar gas will be inaugurated at Lincoln
May 1. Borne day tbe Omaha Gas company will
come out of its trance.
The coming of a flock of American Eagles
to tbe Omaha roost sounds a timely and appro
priate note for the patriotic pun of the Liberty
Bell.
Senator Hitchcock says Secretary Bryan
urged Mayor Dahlman for a federal appoint
ment. Wonder what Secretary Bryan has to eay
to this.
It is announced that a saving of 1600 per
month is to be effected by a newly discovered
and cheaper way of clarifying our city water.
Good! Now for another rate reduction.
The constitution ct Nebraska calls for pub
lication of tbe sesaion law within sixty days
after legislative adjournment. It can be done,
although it nevtr has been done.
Optimistic government officials say that tha
outlook for. the cattle market la very encourag
ing. It ia for the producer and the packer.
For tbe average consumer the order is, "Hand
up!"
Delinquent defeated candidates plead ignor
aace of the law for their failure to file campaign
expense statements within the required time.
The plea must be sustained, as none of them is
even suspected of spending more than the legal
limit.
. There may be some question about a mini
mum charge for any public utility service, but
those who champion and defend a minimum
charge for water are in an awkward plight when
they attaek a minimum charge tor electric llgbt
and power.
8howering honors on the cltlsena of Vera
Crus, who fought In "defense" of the city during
tbe recent American Invasion, is interesting as
a diversion from native troubles. It lends em
pbaals to the policies of picayune dictators who
resent outside Interference in their butchering
operatlona.
XT
Tha eounty commissioners at laat decided to build
the. retaining wall around tha new court houaa of
Bares sandatona. Ths plana rail for twanty-flva atom
step leading- up from rarnara atreet.
Foilcentaa Brady ia rejoicing avar tha.advant of
a alraase young woman Into his heuarhold.
Marshal Cummins has issued a (antral ordar that
the owners of all tram left standing unhltrhad on
tna thorougnrara ahail ba arraatad. Too many run
away la taa apUoaifcn.
Tha cloalng parly of Prof. Almona dancing rlaaa
came off at falconer- hall with about pcraona
ia aitanaaooa.
William relmlng and wlfa left for New Tork,
whence they aaU for Europe to ba gone until la.
terober.
Meeare. Oeia and Maaa. two entorprtalng young
maa from rraepert. III., have oponed an earner hara
for tha Oaru an -America a Insurance company of that
ctty.
An order ia out, effective May 1. maklna a. W
Holdrage manager, Inataad of aaatetant manage of
tna v. at M- linea.
Mr. and Mr. Thomas Rilaj-. mt Ca etreet. ctl.
areted their stiver wadding with a party of friend
among them Mr. and Mr. John r. Coad, Mr. and
ir. Ana raw ftuey. Mr. and-Mr. T. J. Donohoa
Mr. and Mr. Thomas A. Dilloa. Mr. and Mr. J. p.
Munhy. jonn Mot ra ry and family, Maaara. N. B
rauouer. Frank Dellona. Fred Hellene, Jama Millet
Ehipmaa. Kd and Frank RUer, Dr. Bnn and the
Miaara Jennie PaUone, McDonald, rurlong and Mr.
juaepn crcigntoa.
Rediitrictinp; and Retpportionment. j
OMAHA. April 22. -To tha Kdltor of Tha B: 1 :
notlia that In a rrcnt editorial you deplore tha fact j
that no act via ped by the Irglalature to provide
for the eled'.on of acnatora and repreeentatrvr from
this county by dlptricla ao that the ballot could la
ahortened to that extent. 1 had thla matter under
consideration and found that tha conatltutlnn pre
vents an apportionment before tha next eealon, ao
thht redletrlctlng at the recent eeeelon wa out of the
quetlon. J. 1 NEOIKT.
The Bee In perfectly willing to concede Rep
resentative Negley's good intention, but we be
lieve, nonetheleas, that he and thone who agree
with him are mistaken In their conclusion of
law. The constitution of Nebraska, it Is true,
provides that the legislature shall apportion the
senators and representatives according to tlm
number of inhabitants after earn census enu
meration, "but at no other time," yet there Is a
distinct and easily discernible difference between
reapportionment and redisricting. Redisrict
ing as proposed contemplates no change in tho
allotment of representation, but only in the
method of election. While the re-apportion
ment enacted at the legislative session after th9
last census Increased tbe Douglas county rep
resentation to five state senators and twelve
representatives, It is no essential psrt of this
apportionment that all our senators and rep
resentatives be elected on a blanket ballot by
voters of the entire county. In a word, provid
ing for election by separate districts within the
county would not In the least change the appor
tionment, but, on tbe contrary, would leave tho
total strength of the Douglas delegation pre
cisely as it is.
No, the excuse for dropping this much needel
reform on the plea that it would be unconstitu
tional Is not sufficient. That excuse rests either
upon a misunderstanding of what Is Involved or
upon a fictitious pretense.
Restating an Old Principle.
Mr. Bryan's note to Ambassador Bernstorff,
replying to the latter'a curt accusation that tbq
United States has been showing Great Britain
consideration not accorded to Germany, again
very plainly restates the neutral position of the
United States. Tbe tone of the note is not onlv
friendly, but even gracious, in that it overlooks
tha expressions of the German ambassador that
might have been construed aa uncalled for. This
shows how far the United Statea is willing to go
to preserve cordial relations with all the Eu
ropean nations.
The Bryan note closely covers the whole
ground on which the case of the United States
rests, so far as neutrality is concerned, in the
following words:
Thla government holds, aa I believe your excel
lency la aware, and aa It la constrained to hold In
view of the present Indisputable doctrines of accepted
International law, that any change In He own laws of
neutrality during the progrea of a war which would
ffect unequally the relations ct tha United Ftatea
with the nation at war would be an unjuatlflable
departure from the principle of strict neutrality by
which It has consistently aeught to direct ita actions,
and I respectfully aubnitt that none of the circum
stances urged In your excellency's memorandum altera
tha principle Involved.
Tbe position taken by the United States is
that to placa an embargo on arms Is to change
the law of neutrality, and thug to invite attack
because of departure from the strict application
of tbe principle. Mr. Bryan also plainly points
out that the United States cannot discuss its re
lations with either of the belligerents with a
third party.
The note should aerre to reassure Germany
aa to the f uture action or the United States, be
cause the purpose will be to hold even between
the combatants. If we do that, any disadvan
tage one or tha other may suffer wilt not be
rightly blamable on our government.
z Abont the Price of Meat.
Yhe' Omaha housekeeper Is lost In wonder
ment, while the price of meat goes aviating far
beyond the cow of the nursery rhyme, which
only Jumped over the moon. Retail dealera re
port tnat tbe prices they are asked to Day tho
packers have almost doubled In the last week,
and consequently the price to the consumer has
advanced correspondingly. Reference to tha
live atock quotatloea abow that at South Omaha
the aupply of animals has been In excess of that
or last year and tha prices are lower.- On
Wednesday, for example, the prices for both
cattle and hogs were at a decline of from 6 to
10 cents a hundredweight below the n raced In a
day'a figures, and a dollar or more below tbe
prices paid for similar grades In 1114. The only
price that shows any advance In quotations Is
that for fancy fed lambs, which has tone above
all previous records.
Just what ia the reason, then, for the ad
vance at retail. The dealera say the packers
have doubled their prices on fresh eut meats,
and Justify doubling theirs correspondingly.
Why thla advance in price should be suddenly
thrust upon the consumer is beyond understand
ing. The one thing certain is that the meat
eaters are being squeesed, and that the situation
offers an inviting field to the authorities for an
investigation that inveattgates.
Inquiry Into Employment Agencies.
Labor Commissioner Coffey promises an in
quiry into the affaire of the employment agen
clee of the atato. This is his answer to a threat
ened attack on the aufflclency of the law paased
by the legislature ror the better regulation o
these agencies. ,The labor commissioner is In
receipt or letters making complaints against
practices from which laboring men suffer, and
it is to determine the cause and apply the rem
edy, if possible, that he will move. The mattar
Is of much, local importance, because of the fact
that Omaha Is one of the great primary markets
of the country for unskilled or "casual" labor.
These workera are entitled to the fullest protec
tion. They have been made victims In the pas?,
and If the new law will save tbem from the prac
tices that are complained of it will be a boon to
a class of cltixene who have little other means
for preserving their rights.
The Interstate Commerce commission haa
given tbe Sunset route permission to put Into
effect a rate of 40 cents per 100 pounds on aa
pbaltum. beans, barley and canned goods from
the Paclfle coast porta to Atlantie porta. The
concession ia granted on account of water com
petition through the Panama canal. All the ad
vantage accruea to coaat ports. Interior ohlonera
must pay the through rate plus the local rate
from point of shipment to destination Tbe dis
tinctive feature of tbe canal enterprise aa 1
shows up Is that it carrlea the fruit from coaat
to coaat and tho huska to tbe interior cities.
From a Kawaveper Aoeowat
A "Billy" Sunday Monday j Editorial Siftings ! Quaint Bits of Life
CHEERY CHAFF.
HERE la a graphic pen picture of tha way Rev.
"Rllly" Sunday lined em out around a pulpit
diamond In New York City laet Monday aa
anapped by the apeclal correspond nt of the Globe
Democrat: Billy Huwlay preached the gopel, "not of hade
but of h e-l I. plain old hell." to a wildly en
thuelaitlc bunrh of "aoepei fan" In old Calvary Bap
tist church, Wet Flfty-evnth treet. thl morning.
Ita tore at the faetenlnga of high-priced New Yorli
pen and upbraided the theory of evolution and all
"modern phllofophie breathed out by a bunrh of
profeora o"er beer mug in Ielpalc and Heidelberg."
He told the mlnleter that for preaching ich phllot.n
phl they nre all going to slide into hell to-etlirr an.l
he gave them a tat of the burning by racing acrosa
the platform and ripping out a lixllng plt ball that
landed aquarely In tha teeth of the ministry. Than
he neatly tucked this thought on the end of hi dem
onstration: "You r roing to hell for It; that what going to
happen to you. Tha church la rank with the rottenest
lama and clm that ever crawled out of the pit of
hell. I'm preaching the truth and I'm radially ortho
dox. The average preacher prays five minute a day
and preaches a aermcn that a reprint or the latet
novel." And all thl Billy did while th preachera
rooted "hurrah." "amena," incoherent cheera and
concerted applause that rattled and banged the colored
glaaa window.
Billy tried to atop preaching after he had been at
It for nearly for forty-five minutes, and he turned to
Dr. Charlee A. Keton, aeking "how much tte have I
got?" and got th reeponee from all over C'e houe.
"do on. to on." Bo BIHy went on. and when he had
preached om more, his collar wilting and hla face
atreaming wtlh peraptratlon. ha tried another get
away: "Gotta quit thl preaching." be aald. "Want
to get aome lunch, and If I ain't too tired I'll to to
the ball game aee the Phllllea and Giant."
"Oo on. go on," wa the cry again, and Billy went
back at It after exclaiming, with a mlle, "Well. I
Sue I II be too tired."
Billy took the preachera at their word. ond. to
their Increaaing delight, hit even a hotter pace. He
mimicked the way New York churchea received a
well dresaed alnner in fine clothe and a huge roll of
bills. He aeised one of the red pluh pulpit chair anil,
conversing affably with It. ecort It to the front of the
platform by the ilde of the pulpit and asked hi
Imaginary rich man to alt down and b comfortable
while the preachers roared.
"But If a poor guy. a weary Wi l e panhandler,
came along and wanted to ill In o.ic of your pewj,
you'd aay thla way." whereupon Billy eclxcd the chair
and ruihed It along the side of the aisle to the aide
door exit aa though he wa making tor home from
aeoond baa on an infield single.
To alsrt with Billy announced that he "waa not in
town to overcome any prejudice the preacher might
have against him. He aald: "I Would not croa the
atraet for a can to New York. That call In the hand
of the Lord, and I have not been trying to get ahead
of the Lord for the last twenty years."
At the close of his talk fully- and hi wife had
luncheon, and after that they decided they were not
too tired ta see a ball game. Before going to tho
Polo grounda Sunday motored with Mr. Sunday and
"Bihop" Callahan of the Bowery Mlsaion to Mis.
Mndley J. ghepard'e home af Irvlhitton to meet the
woman ha aald ha alwaya thought of aa Miss Helen
Gould. He was back at the Polo grounda In time to
aee tlx Inning of the game, hold a brief fanning party
with John J. MoOraw, haft a bat and look longingly
at the diamond. Then he called it a day and mo
tored back to Peterson to ret.
Twice Told Tales
Two Kisatrlsm.
In exchanging with aoine friends h ether night
experiences regarding the speaking of alien tongues In
alien lands. Dr. William E. Henderaon of the State
university raeuity tcld an Incident that once hap
pened In a restaurant at Liege, Belgium.
"I waa new to Europe and new to moat of Ita lan
guage. Therefore, whenever I had to go to a rest.iu
rant my eoanty command of French and German waa
alwaya a aource of embarrassment. I never waa aure
Jut what waa going to be brought to me and my
ordering wa very laborious. ,
"One day I recall I waa In a restaurant at Liege
when the Inevitable waiter came up and began to
ltaten for my broken French. After a few word to
him I muttered to myaelf, 'I wish I could bo aure of
getting a good square meal once.'
"At thla tha man looked out of the window and with
a far-away look In his eyes commented, Oee, but I
wish I was back In Denver.!'
I never think of the tragedlea of recent months
at Uege," added Dr. Henderaon. "that I do not con
nect with them thla little memory of the two ex
patriate. "-Columbus Dispatch.
On Golagr to Coneorts.
Joseph Hofmann haa a story which Illustrates th
attitude of many people toward recitals of piano
music.
An eminent pianist was to give a concert (but Hof.
mann does not relate that It waa hla own) and as the
audience waa filing in the ticket-taker atopped a man
who presented two ticket.
"You ean't go in." aerted the official. "You're
not In fit condition."
"Didn't I pay for my ticket?" questioned the
would-be auditor. "Aren't they In order?"
"They're perfectly in order." waa the reply, "but
the truth la. you're drunk."
"Drank? Drunk V mused the other, solemnly, and
placing the pasaporta in hla norw.t "n .
drunk. If I weren't drunk, would I come to a piano
rcciiai.- x-miaaeipnia teoger.
People and Events
Love laugha at war hatred aa well aa at locksmith.
Alton. 111., featurea the marriage of an Englishman
ana uerman gin.
Official etattstlca show that up to July of laat year
Tut.sus Mlseourlans had ridden the goat and were in
good atanding In the varloua fraternal order. Tha
leaders In membership are the Oda Fellow, Modern
woodmen. Mason and Woodmen of the World
A new government publication dealing with farm
wages in New England show a wage, Increase of 36
per cent In the laat twenty yeara. ' ' The averaga
monthly wage, with board Included. I Wli. while
the average for the reet of the country ia $21.3. In
only eight state I th New England rate exceeded
Without board tha New England farm wage la S3S 71
in harveat time th average ia per cent higher.
The approved plan for sending the patriotic relic
to .Ban Francisco la denounced by the Philadelphia
Ledger aa "dishonoring the Liberty Bell." The Ledgt-r
gives three reason for the grant of removal: "One
waa a milk and water patriotism which Insisted that
carrying thl old relic around the country would en
courage a apirlt of national loyalty. Th second wa
a desire on the part of world s fair and exposition
t obtain a popular attraction that would add Interest
to the ahow. The third waa an unblushing effort to
make an official Junket at publio expense."
Mayor House of Topeka. who wea In a field of four
In spit of the oppoaltlon of the press, the churches
and women s clubs, brecally aermonlxea on the lesson
of th campaign. "For years." aaya the mayor, "we
have watched the trimming and sidestepping, lae
aalve-apreadlng and the boot-licking of various as
plrante for office with a feeling akin ta disgust We
have kog wondered It It were absolutely necessary
for a man ta ebaae bimaelf In order to be elected to
office. We hav wondered It the flap-doodle, the
fol-de-rol, the "bunk" and piffle which are the dis
tinguishing characteristics of every political cam
paign were essential to success. We bad an idea that
a man might be elected to office without smearing
himself with hla awn alobber and we put the Idea to
trat. Future aspirants for office may take our word
for It that It werka first-rate.-
Washington Post: Fam Vntcrmrer.
octopus hunter, Is said to heve cleaned
tip t?.flW.non in Bethlehm atock: but It
that isn't coining bark with the golden
fleece, what Is?
Pittsburgh I MepeU'h : Each war loan
proposes a fresh burden on the shoulders
of future generation. In addition to kill
In: an unprecedented number of the men
of today, tho war I mortcaalng th live
of the children and their children.
Pittsburgh Dispatch: The total revenue
of the Panama canal up to April 1 wa
I2.SM.3H0, or IIX.Oou short of expense. It
may safely be calculated that It alii pay
operating expenses this year. When It
recelvee about I10.ono.000 more It will pay
Interest on It eot.
Baltimore American: A monument ha
been erected on the spot where the Ger
man drive on Paris was checked. The
event he great historical and sentimental
Interest, but It i a little early In the
day to h putting up monuments any
where. Even boondarie are uncertain.
Louisville Courier-Journal: If Euro
pean monarch believed the American
military officer and lingo politician who
are forever telling how eily our coast
cities could be taken an effort might
some time be made to enlarge Montenegro
Denmark by annexing the territory
lying between Canada and Mexico.
New York Post: The colonel has had
to. suffer many wanton attack In hi
time, but none has been so cruet a the
retort1 of the women whose "silly and
base" views about peace he had sought
to correct In his gentle way. They tell
him quietly that he Is "fifty year behind
the times." Thl of tht great progres
sive! Boston Transcript: "Prof. Taft stepped
forward and said: .'How do you do.
Theodore' "from tho World's account of
the mnmentou meeting, but report tha
Herald: " 'How do you do, Mr. Taft?'
said Mr. Booaevelt: 'How do you do.
'Mr. Roosevelt?" " wa the perfunctory
reply. Well, It a at leaat clear that ther
dIJn t make It "Ted" and "Bill."
Springfield Republican: "A apeedy end
ing of the war by peace which ahall
expiate the wrong done to Belgium, Im
pose no humiliating conditions on any na
tion and recognise the right of all na
tionalities, large and amall, to Indepen
dence and elf-government," la the pro
posal of a resolution adopted by a recent
secret International conference of social
ist women In Berne. The construction of
Vtopls la a fascinating occupation and
not without Its auggestrve value.
Signs of Progress
More than 9,000,000 young trees and 10,000
pound of seed were planted cn the na
tional foreits In 1314.
Stationary steam, oil and gas engine
plants of the United States are produc
ing about 10,000,000-horsepower.
The government built more than 1,000
miles of trail and 2,000 miles of telephone
line on the national forests In 1914.
A new Tennessee law makes provision
for fire escapes on workshops and fac
toriea two atoriea and more In height.
Aa a result of an automobile ahow held
In Oporto, Portugal, la which several
American cars were exhibited. It ta
thought that there will be a great de
mand for American made cara.
According to a report of the director
of the United Statea bureau of census,
20,248,326 miles of telephone line were In
use In the United Statea during-1912. Thla
represented an Increase of 8U.2 per cent
.during the decade. The estimated num
ber of messagee for the year waa ls.
?35,SS.!48. The Massachuaett aavtngs bank life In
surance aytem, now seven, years old, haa
In force $,036 policies amounting to 13,118,
lf!. Four aavlnga banks have opened de
partments, other banka and trust com
panies have become public agencies, and
more than 200 manufacturers have estab
lished agenclea for their employee.
Of the many invention for life aaving
at aea, that of a NeW York Inventor is
among the moat interesting onea. It la
an odd-ahaped ault that la worn by per
son to enable them to float In the water.
A life ring la placed around the neck por
tion to prevent the ault from capeislng.
The head of the wearer ia held above
water and la protected by a hood.
In response to the advertisement of the
United Statea Navy department for 1,
(00,000 teak decking logs, a Manila lum
ber firm haa submitted an offer of 500,000
feet of yacal, a Philippine wood resem
bling teak, which la regarded a the equal
of teak for construction purpoaea Thla
la the first time that such offers of
Philippine woods have been made to the
navy.
A "safety first" book Issued to tbe ter
minal employee of a railroad In New York
Is printed In four language. Thl 1 due
to the fact that dock employe in Jersey
City are almost all Poles, in Brooklyn,
principally Ruaalan and on Manhattan
Island Italian, with a mixture of English-speaking
rerea. The booklet I ad
dressed to "The man who take a chance,"
and who causea moat of the Injuries.
Women's Activities
The New York School of Mothercraft
wishes to establish similar schools
throughout the country. In regard ta
thla plan. Prof. Zeublin of Chicago said
recently: "I believe that we naed schools
of fathercraft." He aaid that women
are not the only ones that need Instruc
tion in parenthood.
Mrs. Julia Kingman, ated M. of Ever
ett. Mass., celebrated her birthday by
winning the first prix at a whist party,
thl being th seventh she hss won In
the last year. During the same period
sh haa given Whldden Memorial hospital
three qullte of her own manufacture,
each of w hich la composed of t.'Vi plecaa
of silk.
Arnold Bennett aays that the loss of
melea In the war will very greatly af
fect the women of tha countries that are
fighting. The mean value of woman
labor will rise, he ty, and mu'-h com
petition Impllea th survival of the fit
test. The political program of women
will meet with less opposition after th
war. he aaya. and the effect will be to
bring men and women cloaer together.
Serena Helen Hlu of Wathlngton, D.
C, haa th distinction of owning th
ainalleat homeatead in the United states
Moreover, It coat only M centa. It la a
triangular Mt of laaJ. US feet long and
thirty-eight feet wide at ita broadeat
point. Jutting Into Turtle lake, Minne
sota. The M cents commute her entry
to cash in land office parlance, and aha
doea not have to live on the land three
eara. aa otherwise required by law.
Following the examples set by her ma
ternal ancestors, all of whom have bi-en
marrld secretly since her great-great-grandmother.
Mis Florence E. Snyder, of
New Tork. ws married to Charles A.
Krauss. lecember 22. The bride revealed
the romance recently and w-s forgiven
by her parent
A new town wa established in tha
Charlton valley, northwest of Macon, Mo.,
linofct in a Jay. The houses were l-
ready built and were hauled overland by
a traction engine to the new settlement.
As fast as the house reached the ne
ettlement they were located on regular
quafes of ground, placed to as to form
wide avenue and streeta.
The famlllea mst closrly tied by reja
tlonshlp In M. Loui are those of th
Heuera and the Johnson Harry Heuer,
who Is soon to be married to Berth
Johnson, will be the fourth Heuer brother
to marry one i.f the Johnson family. In
addition, Minnie Heuer. a alster of th
four brother. Is married to John E. John
son, a brother to the four Johnson girl.
'Yr.nr h ibnr,d is very fond of luxurious"
rsting. isr t l.e "' sll "ne woman.
"Yrr," replied the other. If theT Is
such a tlnnK ss relncHrrmttnn. I fancy he
will turn Into a moth." Washington Mar.
"Sir." grow'ed th man, "that umbrella
Is poklna me In the eye "
"That's all rtxht." responded the other,
"it ain't my umbrella ; I Jut borrowed It.
ri.iladelphia llecnrd.
Altrtce I hear you are going to marry
younK Hmpkins. Allow me to congratu
late you.
iiartirtnt I'm not coins to marry him.
A!,ri"e-lniloed! Then allow me to run
grttulate you some more. Indlapolls Star.
r- yr"
PASS A LAW.
St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
Are your neighbors verv bad?
Pass a law
Do they xmoke? Do they chew?
Pass a law!
Are thev bothering you?
Don't they do a you would do?
Pass a law!
Are your wages awful low?
Pas a law:
Are tho prices much too high?
Do the wife and babtea Crv
'Cause the turkeys toost high?
I'as a law!
When M. D. finds new diseases.
Pass a law!
Hot the mumps or enfermesij",
Meaalea, croup or "experlisia?"
Lest we ell flv to pieces,
Tass a law'
Are th lights a-b'irnlng red?
l'aK a law!
Paint 'em green, or paint 'em. whiter
Close un all them places ti.cht!
My! Our tor n fa such a siKht!
Pass a law!
No matter what he' trouble Is.
Pass a law!
Goodness eakes. hut ain't It awful
My I What are we rolmr to do?
Almost anything ain't lawful.
And the Judge Is human, tool
Pass a law!
KABIB8LE .
KABARET
aqfHMeriacf
SlBJW KABARET
A MODERN UiSrrnJTION
You tuuif Rx W CMt mn
US rTHE fWNDR ttNoTrtVtWMJ
Teacher Who can tell me what Induced
Sir Walter Raleigh to spread his clonk
over a puddle for Quen Elisabeth to pass?
pup:i iwnose pa noiae a cny api'oim
menu He was workln" for the Joh of
street commiseioner. Boston Transcript.
"Where 1a ret all them scratches on
yer face?" asked the thin men.
"Auto turned turtle," replied the fat
man.
-Lioae tire?" sked the thin man.
"Tlsht chauffeur." replied the fat man.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Going to eat today?" inquired the
draftuon.
"Ves," replied the hussar, "we have
hnrsa meat."
"We hav prospects of dining ourselves.
There's on automobile out yonder that
has turned turtle." Louisville Courier-'
Journal. '
"Who is that man you are wining snd
dinln? He diesn t look aa if he were
accustomed to society."
"I don't suppose he Is. He Is a burra.r
or romothin of that sort."
'And vou entertain such a man?"
"Oertiinly. You ree, my husband Is a
vouni Iswver and this' is his first case."
Louisville Courier-Journal.
"I think Prof. Hibrowe Is a wonderful
lecturer." said the Old Fogy. "He brings
things home to you that you never saw
before."
"That's nothing." replied the Grouch.
"T have a laundry wagon driver who
can do that." Cincinnati Enquirer.
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