TirR REE: OMAHA. MONDAY. OCTOBER o. 19U.
TTil TD " YJF 3 T T 1 o int. H
Mirabeau
The Worst Bore of All
The War-God's Levy!
By NELL BRINKLEY
Copyright, 1914, International New Service.
By KKV. THOMAS B. GREGORY.
V
By iKROTnv mx.
tt is popularly supposed that ll th
world loves the vt. and that !t Is a
i hcrlshed household" pet. Never wns
there a frratcr mistake. fr there
a hoIutly no rav
enous beast of the
fowl that will
make prudent
person take to his
heel a oui'Vly
a the elcht of a
rel bona' fide
L o V e r lx"at Ins
down upon hhn
Nor Is this frr
cf this nfflictin
a n I in h I without
cause, fir literally
the onslaught f
an armv with hati
ners In not
ni u c h to ho
dreaded as the
attack of a l.nvrr
v ho has l hnd. It
tc i'.r npim the ftinul whose hand hss
f-" and clothed II. or waylay a perfect
.tranter it!i equal disregard of thrlr
feclinc. ami, without h single pang of
compunction slowly hnrrs them 1
ilcth.
Just whfn and where thia terrible rrra
tur flrsl orlKinatrd It ha boon lmia
alhlc to ascertain. It evidently, how
ever, roc hack to a very remote period,
for history mention a numhrr of nota
ble specimen, aurh aa Petrarch and
Iura, Hero and Irndcr, rtomeo and
Juliet, etc.. etc.. who appeared to have
gotten In their deadly work In their
vicinity In age long a (to.
It appear the Ixiver I extremely at
tractive, hi it I very nay colored, and
spends much time In keeping It cohI
leek and glossy, and It paw In a nlco,
squcexahle runditlon. This rare of ap
pearances I partlrularly noticeable In
the elderly specie, the female even
going so fr na to dye their hair and
paint their face in an effort to look
sweet K. while the male adopt a most
amusing dandified air and are arrayed
like Hohomon In all hi glory. Indeed,
the elderly male Iiver ha one porullar
Ity that should hnvr attention railed to
it In this connection, I. e , u long aa II
mate la alive It present a dingy, moth
eaten, mangy appearance, hut the min
ute she dlea it Immediately sheds It old
coat and cornea forth looking spick and
Hn. and ten year younger.
The habit of the Inver are very
trange and totally Inexplicable to Intel
ligent people, and lead to the belief that
the creature I blessed, at beat, but with
a. feeble mind. It seem to find Its ohlef
occupation In billing and cooing, and
holding hand. One historian of unim
peachable veracity notes that he wit
nessed a couple of ordinary common, or
garden Lovers, who kissed each other
23,45A,7m tlmrs without pausing for
breath, or stimulant. It woul be dif
ficult to accept these statistics, except
that they are borne out by figures com
piled in Central Park, and tin Coney
Island boats, and other favored spots
(or making Marathon kissing records.
Another common custom of levers,
nd in which they appear to take great
pleasure, la that of the female extending
toward the mule her bunch of dlgita,
which ha Immediately clasps In a stran
gle hold. An author by the nam ot
Pater Fsmlllas has accumulated much
Interesting data on this subject by ob
serving two Lovers, a fcmitlo whom he
called Daughter, and a mala whom he
railed her Beau, who would sit up thus
for hours at a time with their fins
lucked.
This same authority deems Ixivers ah
olutely Idlotk, as he said during all of
this time the only sound approaching
conversation, or an Interchange of Ideas,
that he debated would be a gurgly little
sound that he ascertained emanated from
the male, and that Indicated, "Oo's
ducky la oo?" To this the female would
reply. "I Is oo ducky." After which
would be silence. Then the female
would say, "Oo Is too hootul to live,' al
though the male in question was a runty,
1undy-legged little creature that could
by no possibility have approached any
artistic Ideal of pulchritude. This con
versation, it so it may be termed, suys
Pater Kamlllaa, would be kept up from
either until 11 o'clock, when he would
have to kick the Beau out of the house,
whereupon the Daughter would go off
to bed weeping.
A peculiarity of the male Lover that is
also worth noting Is that It has no regard
for money and prefers to spend Its hard
earned dollar on candy, flowers and
theater tickets rather than on something
tiseful. Yon may often observe one at
night, out with a fluffy pompadoured
creature in lace and Jewels, nibbling at
terrapin and champagne at a swell Broad
way Lobster Palace, and then see march
ing up for the next three weeks to the
feed trough of a cheap quick lunch joint
for Its own provender.
It Is also very amiable to the female,
and will let It lead It around by the nose,
and make It fetch and carry, and Jump
through tlis hoop, and perform any sort
of a parlor trick she fancies. Thta com
tuaisaace lasts only until after the mating,
however, when the female generally has
to pay for the violets and candy she has
had by cm t ting down on her dress bill.
This requently Wads to family fight In
evhlch tuuoh damage la done.
The bablt of the female Lover Is nut
1
healthy, rich f
ana lustrous ,
Leave aa stickiness or
IduI So spU by all
aragrieta aad daaWs
la tuUat tMU. tlut
sansle free, write
Dspt. If, l tnal.
fieiiuaor. ate.
less peculliir than those of the male. Mi
Is afflicted with a mania for believing
that something has happened to the male,
ami tht he ha gotten l"st Koing home,
or has been raptured by bandits, or has
been drowned In the gutter. Likewise aha
hand Ms old clrnr butts on the wall tied
with blue ribbon .and develops tejephon
It ti. and writer' cramp, bemuse she ran
not do without telling him hiw she lores
him and how she misses him. and how
long It in between 1? ) a. m., when he
left, and p. m., when he will csll again.
In pite of tho peculiarities that have
been mentioned It Is difficult to distin
guish nt sight. You observe a'nlre, quite
looking creature, with a kind eye and a
gentle demeanor. ttiHt attract you and
you go up to pet It on the head and begin
t'i make friends with It. Sometimes you
are so attracted by It that you even take
It home with you when, suddenly. i without
a word of warning. It tegln to tlirow fit
about omc ptVi tly romtnonplere uirl
or young man, and you realise, only toe
late, that you are alone, and nt the mercy
of a Ixiver.
The specie of rshle with which the
Lover In afflicted manifests Itself In a
atrango hallucination. This Illusion takes
the form of supposing that you sre hung-.
erlng and thirsting, and lying awake
night to hea about the personal appear
ance, and the mental and moral charm
of some Individual you never saw, and In
whom you do not take the ailghtest Inter
eat. The Iover I of both aexea, and while
the male are the most violent, they lack
the staying power of the female. They
are also of all agea, and the older they
get the worse they get, and the more to
be dreaded, aa nothing elite on earth Is so
afflicting aa an Old Maid Iover or a
senile Grandpa one. . If once you are
attacked by either of these creatures, you
had as well abandon hope at once, aa they
never go until their victim sinks Into a
state of utter Insensibility.
There are many varieties of the Lover,
the- most common of which Is known ne
the Calf Ixver. Th'e li always very young,
ami rather shy, and It I usually possible
to frighten It off by hurling a few shafts
of rlilpule at It. Another common variety
Is called the Poet This Is a particularly
venomous apuclea, as It onst-a slushy
veraes at every iwire, which it reads to
you until you pass away In great sgony.
Another specie, closely allied to the
Toet, la the Lettor Writing Ixiver. which
may alwaya be recognised at sight, by
carrying so many lettera in lta pockets, or
stuffed in lta shirtwaist, that it looks like
a pouter pigeon. .Aa aoon as this varloty
of Lover gets It claws on you. It pulls out
those letters, which begin "my ownet
own. my precious darling angel love
ducky daddla," on you, and assassinates
you by making you read forty-page mis
sives of devotion addressed to another.
Happily, however, after the first letter
you are reduced to a state of softening
of the brain in which you are not con
scious of your sufferings.
The most dangerous variety of the
Ixiver. though, la the Widower. When
one of these, especially a gray heard, de
velops art attack of Love, it la the moat
fearsome bore known to poor humanity.
It simply runs amuck, seeking whom it
may devour, and neither youth nor age,
nor friend nor foe, is safe from Its at
tack. Borne think that an Old Maid, with It
first rase of rabies, la equally danger
ous, but this Is a mistake. The real,
almonpure soul-wearier, with the ability
raised to the Nth power to make one
yearn for a speedy death, ia the Widower
who is stuck on a JO-year-old girl. Es
pecially a chorus girl.
The mode of attack of the Lover re
aemhlea that of other men-dewiurlng
animal. It simply lies in wait for It
prey, and the Instant It perceive that
you are defenceless, tt spring upon you
with a yawp of Joy, and while you ar
being chewed up It emits sounds that
thoae who have atudled Its language
translate, thus:
"8y. Oo" ought to aee my girl.. 8he
la the moat beautiful creature In th
world. Her eyes are like violets
quenched in dow. Her hair Is spun gold.
Her mouth ia a perfect Cupid bow. Ilsr
ears are like sea-shells. Her complexion
Is like alabaster. Her figure la tall and
alight and willowy, and her neck and
arms like those of the Venus de Mlki.
Hhe la the most Intelligent woman,
bright and willy and vlvaclou. but not
In the leaat a blue-atocklng. She dresses
magnificently and la the kind of a
woman that makes every other woman
turn 'round and rubber aa she passes,
but she is so economical that It doesn't
cost her more than T a year to do it.
And she la so domestic; her angel food
melts In your mouth. And she 'Just wor
ships me. She hasn't another thought
except about me. Honest, if anything
should happen to me. It would Just kill
her"
Tou gasp and rive a little moan of pain
a the creature stop to take breath, and
then the horrible, ptttluss fiend begins
It all over attain. "Say. you ought to aee
my girl. Hie is the most beautiful crea
ture In the world. Her eyes are like vio
lets." etc., etc., etc.. and It repeat thia
again and again, as long aa then is any
breath left in your body.
The female Lover's cry, when masti
cating a victim, does rrut differ mater
ially from those of the male, except that
every assertion ends with, "John says
that the stock market will go up or
down," "John say tbat Mr. Taft will
db so and so.' "John says that we wl'l
hot summer next summer,' etc,
etf. The peculiar effect of this la to
render the people who have to hear It
stark, starlug mad, so that they beat
their heads against the wall, and go
about wringing their hands and wonder.
Ing If they can stand It until the wed
ding day.
The only known antidote tor the
rabies of Lovere la to get rhera married. !
This works an instantaneous cure. Thoy J
never throw another fit afterwards, and i
are moil pleasant and delightful to have
about ever after.
Further facts:
If all th world loves a Lover, it love
him at a distance.
Many a man write sonnets to a
woman's eyebrows before) the marriage
who refutes to split the kindling for hr
after tho marriage.
The) fooliahneaa of levers Is wUxrthan
th wisdom of sages.
Never to have loved ia never to have
lived.
Once in his life every man is a hero
of rumame tj some woman, and some
1'" - -1 " -r is4 r j ne.
" r Jkvw
'
The War-God's mailed fist lies heary on the frail shoulder of
womankind. On her valiant heart he levies his heaviest, blackest tax.
For he gives her the waiting end of war and he asks the tiny pink
baby of her bosom for the blood-drinking end of his sword. For to
hold the dreary, waiting end of war-time Is a terrible thing.
The man mho goes to the front Is walking in tragic shadow, but he
is one with the Indian who can dance and paint and shout and at the
last whirl into the riot of action, where he turns devil and light-beaded
and knows not if he has courage, fear or hunger. He is on the move,
i
and the same brain that served him in peace that would have shrunk
from suffering and pain, is numbed.
But the woman behind must harvest and cook and the dishes must
be waahed the same as ever, and there's nothing to do but wait with a
heart that Is big with fear and raw at the roots. And -Uy gh hands
up to the gTay War God and his bare blade the tiny, soft baby of her
bosom, for the dead man at his iron-shod feet, with the limp hands and
the blue sunken eyelids and the dark,-live stream spreading softly from
under his breast is still her little son, her tiny baby with the helpless
hands and the searching mouth. NELL, BRINKLEY.
The Way of a Woman
By BKATRICE FAIRFAX.
It was ever the custom of a woman to
hang the picture of her dead husband on
the walls ot memory and occasionally
flaunt hLs perfections) before the eyes of
the man who has taken his place. It is
a way that Is distressing, aggravating
and unkind and that bears no good re
sults. ..
It ia a way, thank heaven, that few
maidens know, for every girt knows that
if she wishes to keep her lover she must
make bo moans for the lover she haa I oat.
The wife, secure In legal possession. Is not
so wise.
"1 am a young man of twenty-two,"
write Irtck, "and am keeping company
with a young lady of twenty. I love her
dearly, but every time I meet her she
takea delight in talking about a young
man to whom she was once engaged. Is
tt wise tor me to make love to her when
aha ia alwaya talking about thia man ahe
used to love, and whom ahe still seem
to lover'
It would not mean a peace of mind for
a man to marry aay gin wnoae nearc i
womaa aa aiigul to aora man. and that
I Ood'a compensation fur all th balame
of the commonplace years of existence.
A woman may forget everything
that has happened to her In life, but
the last thing that ahe remembers when
she Is dying la what her Lover used to
say to l.er In the daya before they were
married.
in keeping ot another man, and who
make that poaaeaalon the subject of her
thought and conversation. . There are
"dead mon'a ahoea" that may be worn
comfortably ao comfortably that one in
time forget they were made for another's
feet, but they pinch and squeexe and rub
and bind, making callous spots and tender
places, if there stands a woman with out
pointed finger crying out with a - loud
volca the greater perfections and fewer
faults of the man for whose feet they
were fashioned.
I know that the Jealous heart of every
man demand that he be first, in the
heart of the woman he loves, and t also
know that the wise maiden make a roan
believe he la first, though to find the first
boy she loved she would have to go back
to her primer daya at school, and she
lias changed the film every year since.
I know that while thia may be duplicity.
It la a duplicity that flnda ample excuse
la the unreasoning Jealousy of mankind,
and that means greater happiness an it
comfort and peace of mind for tbe man tt
would deceive-
This girt who entertains her lover with
a recital of the charms of a man who
loves her no longer may be honest In her
refusal to claim an empty shrine In her
heart, but it is an honesty that la aggres
sively disagreeable, and that doean t apell
happiness for the second lover.
Kl-ht fir with fire! Go away back
among your yesterdays' and revive the
memory of a former sweetheart, giving
her all the added glory that absence and
lime allow. Speak of her with teuJcmcss,
enthuaiasm and regret, and every time
the girl you now love draga forth the
ghoat of her pat let yours come forth to
do battle.
There will be' only one result; etther the
girl will be cured or you will have no
desire to cure her, losing what longing
you may now have to supplant her former
lover.
Either result, my dear Dick, is better
than marriage to a woman who hangs
the picture of a former lover on the walla
that she may use It to flaunt him. Com
parisons are odious when made with men
and affairs of today. When made with
men and affaire' of yesterday they are
fatal.
in your eye as well aa her own Is ahe
were to permit you to make lova to her.
Copal ne."
. Dear Mis Fairfax: A few month ago
l met a young man seven year fliy en-
nave learned to love him ver
uiinng our conversations at
Advice to Lovelorn
i By BSATMZCa rAIBTAX '-
TeJl Uer of Yr Lotv.
Dear Mlaa Fairfax: I am 20 years old
and have been kovping steady company
with a atrl the same are. I love her and
am quitu certain that ahe reciprocates j
my love. he doe not associate with j
any other fellow, nor do I pay attention
to other girla, for the simple reason that
I cannot take to other girla aa 1 do her.
I am of good habit and character and
have a good future in the contracting
buslnesa But In spite of our good friend
ship she ha refused on several occasions
to allow me to ktss her. Do you think
she i right in her refusal to give me a
klaaT I love her dearly; what shall I
do? Would you advise me to con fee
my love to her? WALTON J. T.
The girt Is showing a dignified self
respect when fhe refused to allow you
to kisa her. When you have told her of
your love and your honorable Intention
you will hv a right to ask for her
kisne. Liut now she would feel belittled
ior. I
dearly.
time he would say if I only knew a cer
tain thing aiiout him 1 would not love
him. On different occasions I tried to
make him tell me what It waa but he
was afraid it might hurt my feelings,
knowing that I loved him.
Accidentally 1 discovered some "co
caine In hi pocket, and he confessed
that he had been using it for the paat
eight yeara. He ia now 26.
He la a gentleman In every sense of the
word, and it would break my heart to
give him up. HKAKT BROKEN
Bven more horrible than the drink
habit ia the drug demon. Vnles this
young man can give up the use of co
caine, and prove that he Is absolutely free
from its power, you must not dream of
marrying him. His friendship is a dan
gerous one. unleaa you are strong enough
to free him from the horrible Influence
that I poUonlng hi life, even if you do
not yet see lta dread effects.
Oae. Answer for Two.
Dear Miss Fairfax: I am very much
troubled, la It proper for a rount man 1
years old to have a s'eady girl friend of
only 13 years? My parents would have me
mt
In order to became famous a man mu
die st the right time. If Mirabeau hd
died berore May 4. ITS?, his fame would
have been trifling and of short duration.
It wa in the two
years between that
date and his death
! J h a t he did the
things wntcn were
to cause him to be
written down in his
tory as the "Great
Mirabeau."
For forty year he
played '.he part of a
brill iant libertine,
and waa a disgrace,
rather than an
honor, to hi family
and to his country',
but when the hour came it found in
Mirabeau the man who was to turn It to
the lasting good of PVunee and the world.
t?p to the meeting of the states general
on that ever-memore.ble May day of the
fateful year 1TW, Mirabeau' career was
anything but pleasant to contemplate.
Did ever another man lead Just auch
a life? 1 It renlly the record of a man's
life?' Is It not rather the story of some,
sort of monster in the guise of a man?
Think of that stormy college course,
the miserable marriage and the cage In
which the lion of a bridegroom and the
tigress of a bride found themselves growl
ing and clawing at each other: the Initial
army life, with its wild orgies, and the
gloomy prison into which its dissipations
cast the mad young soldier; the army life
again, after the grated cell had disgorged
him; the scandalous second marriage,
with its still deeper shame; the clashes
with the Infuriated father; the exile In
Swltserland. with Its wretched hack
work and poverty and misery: the re
morse leas letters de cachet which shoved
him Into the Vlnoeunes dungeon, where,
like a mad beast, he raged and tore away
at himself for three and a half year.
And then recall the fact of the escape
from the VIncennes dungeon and the re
turn to France, and the ambassarorihlp
to the Prussian court and its wretched
failure, and the unutterable anguish of
the man's grief as he realized the collapse
of the first really worthy enterprise to
which he had ever dedicated hts brain
and will power.
Did not the moat illustrious of the
ancients advocate the resort to self
deaemctlon when life's way seems hope
lessly dark? And wag not this the time
for the most miserable man In the world
to avail himself of the advice of Seneca
and Cato?
He was years old, and had done ab
solutely nothing but evil. His enormou
appetites and passions had well nigh
wrecked hi powerful body, and his al
most superhuman brain did nothing but
nurse and brood over Its blasted hopes
and unfulfilled ambitions.
Poor Mlrabeaui
Btrt hold! The king wants money for
himself and his favorites, and he calls
together the representatives of the es
tates ol the realm a sort of general con
vention, as It were, of the nation. If
Loula had had the smallest Inkling of
what he was really doing be would never
have called that meeting, but he called
It, and among the representatives that
gathered In- response to the call sat Mira-beau-sent
by the people of Marseilles
to be their spokesman before the king
the nobility and th clergy.
It is unnecessary to dwell upon what
happened almost immediately after the
estate got . together at Versailles-how
when the "notables" began turning up
their noses at the representatives of the
people those hitherto Inconsequential gen
tleraen retired and set up business on
their own hook under the name of the
National Assembly.
Of the famous body Mirabeau became
at once the head and soul, and when the
National Assembly blossomed Into the
Constituent Assembly that also was dom
inated by the mighty personality of the
man from Marseilles.
Event crowded upon each other thick
and fast, and when the Bastlle went
down with a crash along with it fell the
lat hope of the privileged classes that
had for centuries exploited and oppressed
tbe people.
A new regime was at hand. "But what
sort of a regime?" cried the now great
Mirabeau". "A regime of settled order,"
he thundered. Not anarchy, but har
mony. "Tou are at last supreme," he
said to the people, "and now see to It
that you act wlaely. Don't tnrn this
thing Into a carnival of blood. By all
meana establish liberty and justice, but
establish them along with security and
order."
A strong central government, made by
the people and responsible to them-auch
was the Ideal that Mirabeau held up be
fore the assembly. And so long aa he
waa on the stage no one dared to disre
gard him. but he waa prematurely old.
the volcanic passloi.s had burnt him out.
and right la the midst of the struggle
the great leader died, leaving the fanatics
to run amuck, with no 'one to control
them In their madness.
associate with older company, bue I can
not bear to forfeit her esteem. Her ladv
llke action and manner make her seem
much older than her years. Pleaae relieve
me of my anxiety. "BCD."
Dear Miss Fairfax: I am conaiderablv
perplexed. Is it proper for a girl of onlv
U to have a ateady boy friend of 1 yeara?
Hla parent object to me because of tnv
youth, hut T wish to associate with hlrii
purely for friendship sake. Do you think
I should entirely renounce his friendship?
He is a very gentlemanly boy and I enlov
hla company ao very much that It would
be hard for me to give up his company.
WORRIED.
These two letters may or may not refer
to the same caae; they are so nearly
alike that one answer will do for both, it
la not right for a boy of 19 to seek for
steady company a girl of IS. The girl Is
too young, no matter how well she be
haves, to be "keeping company," and a
boy of 19 la far too old to be playing witli
children.
tt, 36c VaNDEIIBILT Bofef
UunuTyVuriA tAMtf EAST ml diarlt UnYenue.JW fork
HAVrOV H-KAiySHALL, Manager.
An Heal Hotel with an Weal Situation
Summer Twites'