TTIK OMAHA SUNDAY BKK- SEPTEMBER 1.?. 1014.
THE OMAHA. SUNDAY BEE
FOfXPFD BY KDWARD ROSKW ATKR.
VICTOR ROSKWATKR, KDITOR.
The Pee Publishing Company, Proprietor.
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AddrVss cnmnviirlcatlon relating to news and edi
torial rfiatrer ., Omaha "liee. Editorial Department.
i '
.ua st srvDAV mit i kation.
43,961
Btate mf Nebraska. County of Ponds,
Dwlaht William, circulation mannirer of The Ren
Publishing company, bclnit duly aworn. say that
the averare Sundnv circulation for the month of
August, 1!H. wan 4.t!l.
IWlfT vVUiLIAMfk Circulation Mnnaa-er.
Subscribed In m prcKetfce nnfl ' tworn'W before
me. thla 3d day of September. 1914.
. ROUKRT HUNTER, Notary Public.
:..
Subscriber lea-ring the city temporarily
should have The IWe mailed to them. Ad
dress will he changed aa often aa requested.
Shame on the heathen Turk for Imitating
Chrtftja'p,' nation's a war. ' .'" ' "
The prospects ate at least good' for a lot of
fine frost ottheiptimpkln.'' '
. t - - "...
1)1X101? aJW wltlv- gurf-totlag will at least re
duce the hazard of being ahot.
Ifa different when the Turk undertakes to
rlolate or abrogate a treaty.
That dum dum bullet tory may be consid
ered now to have been exploded.
All works on "Dectalv'e Battles of the
World"' will be aubject to revision.
Oyster Bay finds the center of the spotlight
pre-empted f,or the momeptj by Ituetera Bey.
The auperlority of The Bee's war news, and
of The Bee's war photographs, Is self-evident.
Up to latest accounts the Indomitable Gen
eral" Pau'waVstM. riving bis way to the front.
It Is plainly evident that the most defective
part of the German war machine is its publicity
bureau.
Thla unprecedented wave of prosperity that
is heralded a soqn jlo, Inundate aue will find, a
lot of us oageUfdr d ducting.' "'-.
In discussing long and short ballot, the ex
pansive possibilities of the initiative and refer
endum must not be overlooked.
The colonel will after all not .apeak in
Omaha, but will make his only Nebraska appear--anoe
la Lincoln. That's a downright shame.'
Our Nebraska State fair just closed did a
little better than last year, but, unfortunately,
last year found the gate receipts way behind.
. : r-.-
.Bvcjlmbing .lb. a. Colorado mountains and
wlnpljag a game the esteemed Omaha ball team
has ' proved Its power of surmounting obstacles.
Too bad our congressmen will not be able
to distribute all .those captured cannon aa war
trophy park ornaments for constituents at home.
Well, Mr. Bryan, we feel sure, will treat us
more considerately ndlavor uswlth a-speech
here In Omaha, if he campaigns"" in" Nebrtfsfca
You understand, of course, that It is Mr.
Marshall, not Mr. Bryan, who was delegated to
announce the president's desire for a second
cup of coffee.
Perhaps those five American newspaper cor.
respondents who managed , to be arfesied were
merely trying to divert - ..HairligUt. . from
Richard Harding Davis. ,-
If all the able-bodied Inhabitants of France
are aV war,, we wonder if Monsieur Jack John
son wajTableitri make sat if act pry terms for the
gate "receipts' before 'enlisting.: v
Illustrating-the effects of this war on bo me
tnlnds, an eachange la moved to dig up and re
prlntiht) Agersoll's article written after his
visit to the'tohlb of'N'apoleGn.
tuMnttu rttov ui.t net-
The Bt. Joaeph'a huspltal fair wound u. a pro
nounced aUL-vt-as, nettlnK $.0i). In the vutinu ii.n
teata Conductor Wlnklcman of Uie lnl.n I'aclfla
was voted tha lantern; Fireman Bift of tho R. &. M
the clock; Father Gallatihcr. an easy chair; Mia
Ford, a silver tea aet. and Warren Hwltilcr another
caajr chair.
W. 1. Mumaugh, auperlnteudcnt of tha farm mi
hlnry rlaaa at the state fair, presented with
a silver aet by the agricultural Implement men.
Mary Savage. lfcf John H. Savage, died at her
late realdenoe, S4J iBouth Sfx'tVeuth at ret L
The notorious "I'oy" Mlddletun la- la Omaha uu
a vlalt. lie la now runnlna a" agricultural ware
houae at O'Neill, where. It la laid ha goes by the name
of Mr. Johnson.
Incorporation arttcha for the Omaha Klrvator
and Grain company were filed by Homy W. Kocrrs.
V. B. Barrlger and V. H. Davla.
Mr. and Mrs. Ric hard Urun left fur Kuporiur to
visit frtenda and relatives.
Oenerul Manager Callaway In an Interiiew denies
the rumors of rxtenalve removula uf I'uiuii 1'aelflc
departments head
A Bismarck Prophecy.
Ilriiic in bori n k that tlm niatcr mind of tho
last Kreat triumph of (iorman urms, out of which
eventuated the unified German empire wan
Prlnco Pifinftrck, what the "Iron Chancellor"
thought he foresaw with respect to the present
war tannot fail to excite attentive interest. A
war prophecy by Prime lll.-marrk is embodied in
a report. Just marlo accessible, of conversations
with him In the later SO's, by au ICnttlish artist,
Mr. Richmond, who painted his portrait, and
during the sittln&s came Into elore Intimacy
with him. ,
The occasion for Introduces; the subject of
war was a reference to the neglect of prepara
tion by England, which llismarrk deplored "for
the nako of tho peace of Kurope." In his mind
the natural alliance would be "Kngland, Ger
many and Italy; these tht-ee powers If placed
upon a permanently strong war footing, would
insure the peace of the world against France
and Russia." He is quoted further as eaylng;
My great-grandfather wan klllvl In the French
wars under Frederick; my KranriTather fouaht In
'92; my father In 'IS. and I have fought with the
I'retch sim-a 'TO. Rut In t lie next struggle with
France, which floil forbid, wo shall wait till Ita
Himles come to us. The French have raised such
stronf? and so many fortifications since '70 that our
advance would b out of the ueHtlon, and we could
not entertain the possibility of a successful advance
an wo did then. Wo should wait and attack them In
the field', and If Ood Rives ua a chance we will deal
with them aa we did then.
If nismarck's views are correctly stated, and
there is no reason to doubt it, the Germans In
the present campaign should have waited for
the French to attack them instead of making an
offensive expedition Into France; upon their
own ground success for the Germane would be
assured, which on French territory would be
doubly doubtful. But neither Bismarck nor any
one else high In Oerman councils, figured that
In the fight, when It came. Great Britain was
to be ranged with France and Russia or that
Italy would slip out from its alliance, which un
looked for developments have plainly Interfered
with pre-arranged German military plans. Had
Bismarck been able to see the existing align
ment of the nations, his prophecy might, and
donbtless would, have been modified.
Promoter at College Heads. '
Writing in the Atlantic Monthly on "The
Critic of the College," President Henry 8.
Prltchctt of the Carnegie Foundation observes
with a show of regret the growing tendency to se
cure "promoters' as college presidents, men who
can get the money and the students. Achieve
ment as an educator gives way to finesse In bus
iness management, and scholarship must suffer
unless extraordinary means of precaution are
employed- Sometimes a good dean and faculty
avert the disaster. But where the president, even
though essentially a "promoter," Is also en
dowed with the functions as well as the name
of his office, this may not be the case, especially
If the promoter-president is keenly eensitlve to
all his responsibilities. This tendency has
placed in the presidency of one of the wealthiest
and most progressive of medium-sized western
colleges a man who, while recognized as a high
grade promoter and money-raiser, is not even a
college graduate, and Is saved only by a master
educator as dean, flanked on all sides by a
strong teaching corps.
"The rage tut numhers, the- hot- pursuit for
gifts," are named by Dr. Pritrhett, together
with overemphasis on intercollegiate athletics
as ampng the demoralizing forcea with which
the college is beset. To keep up In the race for
numbers and gifts, the promoter is maintained,
and back Of it all is an oversupply of colleges.
It. Is just aa true of the classical as the law or
medical college, whose multiplication Is being
combatted by this very Foundation. In tho
United States we have approximately 900 col
leges empowered to grant degrees. Illinois,
Iowa, Ohio and Pennsylvania have more than
forty each. Iowa has one for every 50,000 of
population, Ohio one for every 100,000, Massa
chusettsfor every 200,000, and New York for
every 300, 060. England has one degree-granting
Hchool for each 3,000,000 of Us population,
and the English are a fairly-well educated
people.
The president of a college in a neighboring
state said recently that the competition for stu
dents In his state was "unseemly and humili
ating." He longed for the day when several of
the colleges might be amalgamated. Undoubt
edly as efficiency has been promoted by reducing
the number of medical colleges, so It should be
by merging many "of these others, which are not
doing full college work because they have not
the resources to maintain their pretensions.
Wells' Warning to England.
.U, England does not pull ltstlf together and
overcome Its headlong plunge Into national de
generacy, it will not be the fault of H. G. Wei's,
Its prophet, philosopher and guide. For he has
given warning a-plenty.
.. Mr. Wells is nothing If not frank- If Amer
icans sometimes feel the too keen sting of his
criticism, let them see what he says of his own
England and the English In his new book, "So
cial Forces. In England and America." The
volume opens with a very phillipic on the Eng
lish and a panegyric on the Americans. The
text of the lecture rests upon M. Bleriot's avi
ating of the English channel. Wella was called
up at his country place by telephone from a
London newspaper office for an article on its
meaning. True, it was a Frenchman instead of
an American who triumphed In the aeroplane,
but it served to remind Mr. Wells of the ad
vancement of America also in aviating and of
the backwardness of Britain.
"It means, 1 take it, first and foremost for
us. that the world cannot wait for the English,"
is his book comment. Then a torrent of crit
icism, from which a few excerpts are quoted:
It Is extremely deslrallrt that people should realize
that thenH forciicn muchines are not a tciniurary and
Incidental advantage. They are Just the flrat fruits
of a fctcady, enduring lead that the foreigner has won.
The foreigner Is ahead of Ua In education. He
makes a better claaa of man than we do. Ilia s. knce
Is better than ours. )1U training- la better than
ours. Ills Imagination la livulier. Ills mind la
more active. Ilia schools are places for vigor
ous education inatead of genteel athleticism, and
hia home baa books In It. and thought and conversa
tion. Our homes and schools are relatively dull and
unlnaHrlng; ther no intellectual fc'uido or stir in
them; and to that we owe this new generation ef
nicely behaved, unenterprising- aons, who play golf
and dominate the tailoring of the world, while liraiil
lans. Frenchmen. Americana and tiermuns fly
The arrival of M. Ulcrlot suggests most horr.biy to
m" how far tThlnd we must be In all matter nf in-
KMimtv, device and me-hatiical contrivance.
The British navy, Mr. Wells admits, may be
an exception to thin system of sleepiness ram
pant in the life of his country, yet with prudg
Ing harcasm he says, "ite officers are rescued
from the dull homes and dull schools of their
class while still of tender years." The implica
tion must be that the navy Is superior, not be
cause of, but despite the system of British
training and living.
Americans would not be so severe in their
estimate of England; they leave all such rigid
strictures to the noted Englishman, who is
none too sparing, either, of his criticism of us.
Vet we recall a statement by another English
man in the last few years to the effect that a
nation's greatness is measured by its share of
world-moving Inventions, and that England had
not In twenty years contributed one such de
vice. ,
Israel of 'old had Its prophets who were
courageous enough with It to "stand on the
watch tower" and cty- out the pitfalls. One of
them saw decay for any nation whose young
men had no visions and whose old men dreamed
no dreams. We may. become Impatient with
our didactic and dogmatic Wellses, but they
are a spur to any halting nation. This cur
tain lecture Is particularly timely now in view
of the opportunity England has of tenting its
national fiber from a new angle.
A Good Sign.
In discussing the opportunity which the war
will afford American playwright, the New York
Commercial remarks that perhaps the "tardy"
but "great" American play will be forthcoming
within the next year or so. Whether it is or
not, it la gratifying to observe the constant
tendency away from the "sex" play, which held
too much of the boards the last few seasons.
The theater-going public has been surfeited by
this type of stage drivel, which never appealed
to anything higher than the mere prurient In
those who patronized it. It left no compen
sating moral lesson or effect and will pass off
the stage, when It goes, as simply "good rid
dance of bad rubbish." The obvious fact Is
that the producers and exploiters of this char
acter of stuff aimed only at money-making
without either the desire or capacity for evoking
any substantial or helpful response. The whole
scheme of such playe, If so they may be called,
rested upon a distorted philosophy of life. False
hood permeated both conception and denoue
ment, drawing on lurid sensualism wherever It
would help to whet the appetite and Inflame the
passion. Of course, such "sex" plays could not
last and that they are doomed so speedily is a
mighty sign of the times.
Our Rightful Distinction.
The destiny of America leads out into the
broad, rich fields of human liberty and makes
this nation the chief exponent of world peace
and orderly government. It Is especially grati
fying, therefore, that with the grim god of war.
devastating older nations, our proper distinction
should merit the tribute, which the emperor of
Germany has Just paid It In addressing our chief
magistrate as "the most notable representative
of the principle of humanity."
The cause of humanity Is all we have to serve.
That we are serving It so conspicuously as thus
to attract the great warlords of the world Is. or
Bhould be, a matter of deepest pride to every'
trtie.American, for our country Is Just what the
sum-total of its Individual citizens make it.
There Is no exultation over military prowess In
Europe today comparable with the world's ad
miration of America's power to keep the peace
and settle Its International disputes at the court
of reason instead, of, by tha abltrament of the
SWOrd. '':,-:'
Ornamental Telephone Next.
"Why should we not have telephones In dec
orative forms as well as electric lights?" asks
the Literary Digest, advertising to a suggestion
in a technical trade journal, which is wondering
how the telephone has so far managed to escape
the mania for combining the useful with the
artistic. Contrasting the beautiful designs and
striking effects which we have in our electric
lamps with the plainness, almost hldeousness,
of them as originally Introduced, the possibili
ties of the ornamental telephone look equally
limitless. The Transmitter, the trade paper
quoted, draws this imaginative picture:
Why nut, lnieod, mate the telephone like a ronef
The base could be dl ruined as a flower pot, the
transmitter lost In a brilliant array of flowering petal,
the receiver a cluster of opening buds and the re
ceiver cord a trailing tendril. From flowers It la but a"
ahort Jump to other things to appeal to the artistic
taste. A lover of statuary could have the telephone
for bla library table fixed up aa a famous general
on horseback. The transmitter could be concealed
In the horse's head; and the message whispered In hia
ear a moat appropriate place. The receiver, of
course, would be the rider, ojui the peraon talkinK
could easily Imagine himself receiving a message from
a courier of tid. The receiver cord would serve ad
mirably for reins. No need to stop here with the Idea.,
A booklover could have hia transmitter and receiver
bound up ui a couple of books. When he wanted to
hold a telephone conversation he would atmply pick
Up his cherished volumes from his desk and proceed.
But the inclination to Joke about it will be
quickly suppressed If we give a little serious
thought to the proposal, for a hundred different
ways will be opened by which the telephone
could be made a thing of beauty, or part and
parcel of the decorative scheme, without the
slightest impairment or interference with its
serviceability. If the idea Is not applied prac
tically within a very short time our expecta
tions, based on the progreasiveness of the tele
phone people, will be greatly disappointed.
When the United States was In the throes of
civil war a fine conspiracy was hatched among
European monarch to set Maximilian up In the
emperor business in Mexico in disregard of the
Monroe doctrine. Being busy for the moment,
Uncle Sam said he would attend to that little
matter later, which he subsequently did. where
upon Maximilian's Mexican empire went into
liquidation. Tha Turk may have found the
European powers otherwise engaged Just now,
but they likewise will attend to his little game
later.
The official initiative and referendum
pamphlet is now going out to the Nebraska vot
era explaining the pros and cons of the proposi
tions submitted at the coming election. If It
only contained offers of a few mall order bar
gains or cut-price specials we believe it would
command more attention
People and Events
W. II. Thomajj of I, s Anaclcs claims
he hn Invented i Ink which cannot b
picked.
Ulliam Thomas Lewis, flrt Baron
Mi rthyr. died last week In London. He
wns 77 year old.
Rrlttndier General Philip II. Prlggs. civil
war veteran, died nt the Brooklyn Home
for Aged Men. He wn S years old.
W. It. Koehler, arrested In 51. Ixwiia for
smoking on a street car. has sued the com
pany for 110,000 damages to his feelings.
.lumen Moran of Bloomlngton, til., hat
celebrated hia one hundredth snd
t-Ieventh birthday. He was born in Ire
land. IT. A. L. Pkooar, professor of neurology
in the t'nlverslty of Kanan, has been
made head of the La Petre honpltal.
Pari.
Samuel M. Foster, a banker of Fort
Wayne, Ind., la mentioned as the first
American ambassador to the Argentine
republic.
They've got the fever In Ixmdon. Two
babies waa christened Albert Utnan
Liege Hopkins and Marie Alsace-Lorraine
Iircomhe.
. The Poriety of American Flay Wrights
will receive fcw.ooo from the estate of
Rropson Howard after the expiration of
two trust funds.
A.' Buss Parsons, who received a medal
from congreaa for bravery In the battle
of Antletam, died laat week at Mlneola,
U I. Ho waa 73 years old.
I if. Alexia Carrel of the Rockefeller In
stitute In New York cancelled ' his de
parture from France and at present is In
chance of a big war hospital.
.Secretary of Agriculture Houston or
dered a. quarantine, effective October 1,
ngntnst cattle In several Illinois counties
to pit-event the spread of tuberculosis.
Captain Edgar King of the United
Ktatea army medical corps reports that
ohe-rifth of all regular soldiers discharged
for disability are afflicted with mental
disease.
Alva Branford of Blnghamton, N. Y.,
six years ago found a roll of la in bills
In the street. E. P. Wilks claimed It.
Branford refused to give tt up. Result,
a lawsuit which has coat Branford $1,60)
and defeat.
NOTES OF PE00EESS.
In MR labor camps In California. 19,311
persona are housed.
Bones of the albatrosa are being used
to a very great extent of late aa mouth
pieces for pipes Instead of amber.
Aa a recognition of good service, the
V,rier railroad paints the name of a
meritorious engineer on the locomotive.
Farmers In one region of Queensland
feed their horses on chopped banana
stalks taken Just after the fruit has been
harvested.
It is claimed that l!),000,0n0 tons of car
bon, most of it In the form rf coal, Is
the average yearly amount burned in
large cities.
Workmen engaged on the bridge of the
Oregon Trunk line over the Crooked river
climb a 300-foot rope ladder every day In
reaching their work.
. Among the new features In the division
of mineral technology of. the United
States National museum la an Industrial
serlea in glass manufacture.
- The newest tdea In the theater con
struction la the hidden orchestra, which
Ie located under the floor of the house,
between the stage and the auditorium.
A new iCnglish direction and rotation
Indicator for steam vessela enables a cap
tain to watch the direction' of his ship
and ape4 of his engines from hia cabin
or bridge.
Patents have been Issued on a number
of cooking utensils In which a downward
draft carrlea all odor away by diverting
them Into the stove on which the utensils
are used.
An Island In the Pacific of which a
French company has obtained control is
believed to contain 10.000.000 tona or high
grade phosphates and many more million
tons of Inferior quality.
A three-year movement to obtain the
free use of public school buildings out
side of school hours In St .Ixula has
lately achieved Its purpose and the social
center will soon be a reality.
One of the most dramatic developments
of a material kind In the laat twenty-five
or thirty yeara has been the rlae of the
cotton seed Industry, the value of ita
crude producta increasing since 1&0 from
something- more than S7,000,O0O to
$150,000,000.
JUST ABOUT WOMEN.
fieraldlne Farrar, the operatic singer,
who has been very UU In Italy, la recov
ering. )
Mrs. Harriet Harper, aged 102 years,
registered aa a voter In the primary elec
tiona at Atchison, Kan.
We predict a aucceaa for the French
arms If Mine. CavaJleri only succeeds In
mobilizing her admirers.
Henrietta Croaman la considering going
Into vaudeville with a one-word-one-act
playlet by Frank C. Egan of Loa An
geles. Mrs. Elisabeth Robinson of Sharon, Pa.,
believing the world will end In October
has given away her property, valued at
S2.0HO.
Mr. Roaemary 8. Woolston, grand
daughter of . President Grant, died on
September 3 at Hempstead, t I., aged 34
years.
"They say the hens have stopped laying
and the cows refuse to give milk, so we
think It best to move on." said Mrs.
(ieorgla C. Chester of Coldwell. N. J. In a
mevsage from Neuhaueen, Switzerland,
describing the conditions that exiat In
that country In war time.
Railroad employes throughout the coun
try .who have known Mlsa Jennie Smith,
the national railroad evangelist, during
her many years of work In their Inteiest,
are subscribing to a voluntary fund
which will be used to purchase her a
home In her declining yeara In Washing
ton Mls J.ynnette Powell, daughter of
British Consul t!cneral Wilfred Powell,
has nllted aa a Ited Cross nurse with
the British army in Belgium. She was
graduated from the nurses' training
school at the University of Pennsylvania
hotpltal in June, and has been In Ku
rope aince then.
Mrs. Maggie Newton Van Cott, widely
known as a Methodist evangelist, died at
her home In C'alakill, N. T., recently.
Mrs. Van Cott, who waa M years old, be
gan her evangelical work about half a
century ago. On her fiftieth birthday In
iv0. It waa aald that she had traveled
143.417 miles and that she had held .33
revival meetings. luring this time she
rreached 4,34 sermons
DOCTORS' DOINGS.
.Malar a ius"s in 're sli-kne.-s and
death than any other rlnale disease In
trdia.
That he haa delivered an antitoxin tlixt
JiHes Immunity to the d-ease caused bv
mosquito bites Is the ela'm of a Chicago
doctor.
According to n U.rman 8'irntlst wo
men can talk more than men with less
fatigue because their throats are maller
and thry tax their luna and vocal organs
less.
A machine which he claim shows the
existence of psychic emanation from
the human body and measures them has
been Invented by a Kansaa City physi
cian. According to a German scientist lino
leum on a floor quickly kills bacteria
which may be brouB-iit Into a house on
ahoes because of the linseed oil It con
tain. A new medicine glass cover la a saucer
with a fluted rim, marked with the hours
and quarters, to hold a spoon In such a
position as to indicate the time for the
next dose.
According to an Italian scientist the
signals which nerves carry from the sur
face of the bedy to the brain and from
the brain to the muscles are chemical
In their nature.
According to an Italian physician the
channel from the mou;h to the jtcmach
Is the seat of the sennea of huhiter and
thirst, which he claims to have suppressed
by cocaine Injections.
For measuring sea depths a Massachu
setts doctor has Invested a dynamite
bomb which explodes on? striking the boi
tcm, the distance being estimated by
measuring the time It 'takes th sound
to reach the aurface of the water.
NEW WRINKLES.
Easily moved wind shleble have been
Invented for rear Beats of automobiles.
Mucilage can be made by pressing; the
Juice from a freahly boiled Spanish onion.
A lamp In which a candle furnishes the
light and which can b strapped to Ita
user's arm to leave his hands free has
been Invented.
To save room an Ohio Inventor has
combined a kitchen sink and bath tub,
the former being over the latter and help
ing to hide it when not In use.
Vessels lined with metal that will con
duct electric currents haVe been patented
by a Pcnnsylvanlan to heat liquid aa
they are being poured from one to an
other. To prevent a hen setting a Callfornlan
haa Invented a breaat plate, with two Ickh
In front, to be strapped to a fowl in such
a position that sho s obliged to remain
standing.
Electrical apparatus has been- invented
for sterilizing water 'or large consumers,
such aa hotela and factorlea. which uses
only the ordinary Pgnting current for Its
purposes.
Economy of production and strength
of product are claimed 'for a Detroit
Inventor' machine which forms steel
tubing from ribbons of the metal and
welds the aeams.
German llthogravhera have found they
can electroplate paper for use In their
work without danger of It absorbing tho
plating bath liquid by first coating the
paper with vamlah.
To drill the stumpe for dynamite quickly
an Idaho man has patented a multiple
gear tool which may be held against a
stump by a chain while both hands are
left free to operate It by cranks.
A tunneling machine that chip out
hard rock with hammer drills and auto
matically changes Into a gouching machine
when It atrlkea aofter rock or soil has
been Invented by a New York man.
ABOUT OTHER COUNTRIES.
HAMMER TAPS.
There ncwr was a man who had to
many shirts or sm
This would be a much nicer world li
we had more aongs without words.
Vt e njl have a l-t of theories we w outr
like to have the other fellow practice.
Calling it Hcht housekeeping doesn't
r.eep friend husband ftom Retting dys
pepsia. A windy dav can always aupply a more
attractive hosiery display than a dry
goods store.
If you co-ild reduce your weight bv
drinking beer there wouldn't be any fat
people in tha world.
The fellow who carries a mascot can't
see why peoplecan he so superstitious as
to believe In hoodoo.
The difference between affinity and In
finity Is that one lacts three months and
the other lasts forever.
The man who spends his change buying
a rosy nose has no business knocking the
girl who spends her coin buying rosy
checks.
It doesn't do a married woman any
good to announce that marriage Is a
failure. The single girls are all from
Missouri.
A man may regret the to he handed the
preacher for marrylns him. But he al
ways intist that his dog Is worth the
tax he pays on It.
When they arc first married the bride
is afraid to ask him for any money. But
a year later he la afraid to come home
with a dime missing from his pay en
velope. Of course the second bahy has as much
claim on a mrui aa the first one. But you
may have noticed that he never wheels
the second baby around the block as often
as he did the first one.
Mother gets highly Indignant because
eggs Jump from IS cents to 21 cents a
c?osen. ' But as long aa beer and Onion
Perfectos are only fl cents per copy, father
can't see anything to worry about.
When the doctor writes a prescription
and tells father to be sure and get It
filled at a certain drug store that handles
tresh drugs, father knows that one drug
store is a good as another. But you
couldn't get htm to admit that the horned
toad tamarack or the moccasin milk he
gets In hi pet cafe can be duplicated In
any other snake emporium. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
FAMILY AFFAIRS.
Percival Young Benedick and hia new
wife are inseparable, aren't they?
Sylvester Yes; he calls her his altar
ego. Judge.
' natured."
"Take my advice, old man. and marry
a Ihln one. They can fasten their own
waists up the back. 'Pittsburgh Post.
Mother And so my little man didn't
cry when he fell down. That waa brave.
Little Man There wasn't anyone to
hear! London Opinion.
"Jonea wanted to spend his vacation
In the country and Mra. Jones wanted
to go to the seashore."
"How did they settle It?"
"It is evident that you are not mar
rled." Boston Transcript.
Germany's first dally newspaper was
printed SIC years ago.
Hungarian state railways are spending
H.0O,W0 for new rolling stock.
Germany In 1913 had 11.7S5 automobile
accidents In which 4,313 persons were
hurt. .
The average depth of the sands of the
African desert are from thirty to forty
feet.
Sheep used aa beasts of bftrden in
northern India carry load of twenty
pounds.
About fifty workmen are permanently
employed in keeping 'St. Paul'a cathedral
In repair. .
Olives are the longest lived fruit trees,
aume In Syria having borne abundant
crora for more than 4 year.
Paper waa made from rags In Arabia
more than ten centuries ago, the art be
ing brought to Europe In the thirteenth
century. .
"And what do you think I'd look best
in. George?" Inquired the chattering wife
at the recess of a three-hour talk on
clothes.
"in a coma, darling," replied George,
he having secured his hat. New York
Press.
Nodd Here's a list of European war
debt. Pon't they stagger you?
Todd Well, they mig-ht, old man, but
I've Just been looking over my monthly
accounts. Life.
Teacher (to new scholar) Now, Mary,
I'll Rive you a sum. Supposing that you?
father owed the butcher 313.17, 111.13 to
the baker, Y-7.08 to the coal merchant,
115.10 to the landlord
Mary (decidedly) We should move.
"So your husband kept house and
cooked his own meals while you wero
away. Did he enjoy It?"
"He saya he did:, but I notice that tha
parrot has learned to swear during my
absence." Boston Transcript.
COMPARATIVE THERAPEUTICS.
When we feel alone and friendless.
When our solitude seems endless.
And the shadows' weird suggestions leer
Us nearly to despair,
Then we think upon the ranger
In the desert, always stranger,
And a throb and thrill of social cheer
Is answer to our prayer.
When the wheels of trade are quiet.
When the unemployed riot.
And the burdens of expense appear
Too great for us to bear,
Then we seek to help our neighbor.
Sick and needing of our labor,
And the work enough that baffle fear
Makes light our load of care.
When the weather' damp and dreary,
When our baby' alck and weary.
And the undertaker's stocks are dear
And soaring In the air,
Then we have a convalescing
In our bones, that Is a blessing.
To observe a paralytic's tear
Drop on his rolling chair.
WILLIS HUDSPETH.
ISTE'IWWAY
THE BEST
INVESTMENT IN
PIANOS
A STKINWAY will outlast two ordinary pianos,
either of which may cost nearly as much. Steinway
j-aanos, whether five or twenty-five years old, have a
cash value at the Schnioller & Mueller Piano Co.
An investment in a STEIN WAY the standard by
which all other piaijos are judged insures complete
satisfaction and closes the avenue to future regret.
You will never he satisfied until vou own a STEIN-
WAY.
We will sell you a less expensive Instrument now. and agree
to take it back later In exchange for a Steinway, with comparatively
little loss to you.
Steinway Pianos are the creation of genius.
The excellence of Steinway pianos Is that SOMETHING which
the geniua of tbo builder puts into them.
Steinway Uprights. . .$50!) Up
Steinway Grands $750 Up
Monthly terms arranged if
desired.
We are Exclusive repre
sentatives for Steinway Pi
anos for Nebraska and West
ern Iowa.
Schmoller & Mueller Piano Co.
j; 1 gi' -
1311-13 rarnam Street.
OLDKKT PIANO HOl'HK IN THE VT2ST
Established Flfty-flte Years Ago.