The Omaha Sunday Bee
.Magazine Page
Copyright, 1912, by American-Examiner. Great Britain Rlghta Reserved
"Many a millionaire has begun
as a 'boob' and finished as a
'wise one' under the training of
a P. P. of B. (Perfect Peach of
Broadway)," says Ethel
Amorita Kelley.
w
A Chorus Girl
Jury Considers the
Peculiar Case
of a Youth
Who Being Left a
Million
Preferred to Gild
His Native
Health Rather
Than
Further
to Illuminate
Broadway
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consternation
New York'a
wnue way oy tne news tnat a
' ' young man who unexpectedly in
herited a million dollars is wasting
his time and money lu Atlantic
Highlands, N. J. . -
Can such things be? "And With
the lobster palaces ot the show girls'
paradise almost visible to him
across the Upper and Lower Bay,
landmarked by the light in the Met
ropolitan Tower?
Buffering footlights! Atlantic
Highlands to monopolize the latest
Millionaire Kid! Wouldn't It Jar
you? Treating village maidens to ice
cream sodas at , the , drug , store.
Playing checkers In' front of the
livery stable in the afternoons, and
leading a wild life rat the moving
picture show in the evening with
Broadway and Forty-second street
Rector's, Tiffany's, and the Flo Zleg
feld'j thirsty tamed beauties within
easy and graceful access by the
Long Branch boat!
Well, well! Jurt listen to these
sentiments of Misg Ethel Amorita
Kelloy, Miss Elsie Hamilton,. Miss
Flo Hart and Miss Jane Warrington,
New York prize beauty chorus girls,
impanelled as Jury to sit on 'he
caao of Simon Daniel Paddock, Mil
lionaire Kid of Atlantic Highlands,
prlnte in another column on this
' page. '
.When Simon Paddock was nine
teen he was the chauffeur for she
Mayor of Atlantic Highlands. He
was poor but happy. Now Simon
Paddock is twenty, and, as he com
plains, they "part , his name in the
middle." You .see, a millionaire un
cle of his left to Simon and Simon's
brother and sister his fortune.
Young Mr. Paddock says he is
afraid the money , will spoil him.
"I wanted to be ai inventor like my
father. I was working out a device
for Increasing the speed of automo
. biles. But now I'm rich I can'i get
time to work. I'm too ousy attend
ing to my correspondence. Yes,
part of It's business letters, but a
, lot of it's fool letters. Women write
r me that they love me. How does
a woman who lives in Arizona know
whether she loves me, but this one
from Cactus town says she'll die
unless I marry her. Guess she
might as weir stake out her burial
lot"
"A lot, of Atlantic v Highlanders
have tied up in' a combine to part
me from my money because, they
say 'He'll be an Idiot and find his
way to Broadway 'and burn up his
money then anyway. We might as
well have it' So they get together
and try to pluck, me. ,
"First they nab this white car of
mine that I call Daisy,, because she
can run eighty miles an hour; they
arrest me for speeding when I've
never driven more than twenty-live
miles an hour in my life. Every
time I get into the white car I say
to myself I'm going to be arrested
and I never disappoint myself.
Either I'm arrested for speeding
when I'm not, or my license has
been out for five minutes and they,
take me in. ; ,
"A man can come, from New York
and ride around Jersey as much as
he likes, , but not Simon Paddock.
- 'Nay, nay.' They've pushed me till
I'm blue. i : . .
V '"By George, you may not believe
me, but some highbinder stole the
tools from my car and then brought
them around and tried to sell them
back to me. ,.". .
"When I was Just Sim Paddock
nobody ever bothered me. I had
all the letting alone I wanted. Now
I'm never alone a minute. I'm al-.
ways stumbling over people. They
.get under my feet. Some night I .
' expect to go home and find one of -
the grafters in my bed. They're
after me to lend them money oa a
mortgage or on nothing. , . "
"They take me for a slot machine
that works the other way pom's
out money because it's out of or- .
der." , , '
Yes, Simon Daniel Paddock is un
happy, so unnappy that he would
rather be the Mayor's chauffeur
than to be pointed at by people
whose eyes bulge, as "the Million
Dollar Kid." "Killing tline," he says,
is. the most laborious occupation on
earth. "At any rate he can't go into
a store because prices will Jump at
sight of him. . He used to like soda
water, but he avoids ' soda water
fountains now because somebody is
Kin 3 to suggest a new mixture that
costs a quarter. . V- .-.
But his troubles as a millionaire
are nearly over. He has only to
act upon the advice of the chorus
girl Jury in order to quite suddenly
acquire all the solitude and obscur
ity his soul craves.
"Mr. Simon Daniel Paddock's case
Is being considered on Broadway.
It is a competent Jury. Ethel Amor
ita Kelley, you remember, is the fair
maid who has made the Busch fam.
ily of St Louis anxious lest Adolph
III. should bring an actress into the
family. ' Ellse Hamilton is- famed
along Broadway v for her beauty.
Jane YarringtoH is one of the belles
si Broadway; All have seriously con
sidered the situation of Simon Dan
iel, formerly "Sim," Paddock,', and
render verdicts as here printed. . ,
Jaa Warrington Wants Her Voice Trained in Gay Para.
(Abora) Ethel Amorita Kelley Who Suggests Spaed,
fag a Motor Through Tiffany's Shop Window.
Her $1,000,000 Voice Needs Training. ,
By JANE WARRINGTON. , d'4
T ISTEN here. Simon, dear. I want me voice pulled,
I I mean trained. "Me voice is me fortune, ' air,"
she said. But nobody will believe it unless the
news comes from Paris, signed Jean de Reszke.
I wouldn't mention it on such short acquaintance,
Simon, deaf, but for my feeling of responsibility about
Your sad Atlantic Highlands case. All of us Broad
' way girls feel the same way only you don't need to
bother about the others.
Say, Simon darling, do you know what it costs to
have your voice pull I mean trained, in Paris?
Verb, sap. Meaning, in the vernacular of my dear
old alma mater, a word to the wise Millionaire Kid Is
sufficient
v"Hohie, Jamesr-to Tiffany-s."
V. By EDITH AMORITA KELLEY.
OH,' what a. simple Simon!- What a modest, re
tiring Millionaire Kid! But he needn't feel
bashful any more over his mistake about At.
'antic Highlands. We'll welcome him Just as warmly as
though he came direct from Pittsburgh. Just let him
brinz IV at million with him and all will be forgiven.
We won't detain him long on Broadway, either,
which would be unkind, as he wants to be an Inventor
like his father. You can figure that in about a month
or six weeks hell be busy inventing some way to pay
. his board at the rate of five dollars a week back in
Atlantic Highlands.
I'm sure he's a nice, quiet young man and de
serves to be encouraged. So I'm willing to assist him
in a perfectly original Millionaire Kid act that will
shorten his suspense and make all others look like
pikers.
With the regular lobster and bubble water course
as a starter, we'll pick out the-most expensive six
cylinder limousine luxury they have for sale along
Automobile Row, and then, "Home, James," home ,
meaning Tiffany's. "Aha," I seem to hear you ex
claim, "she's already picked out that diamond tarara.
Forget it nothing so piking.
Getting up good speed down Fifth avenue, W3ll
motor, bang! right through Tiffany's best sun-b&rst
lined plate glass show window,' and all the twinkitra
that fly Into the car and drape the' running gear' will
belong to little Ethel! : v .-. , , , . .. fj -( ;:v
. No, I don't seem to think of anything else Just at
present' ', . . ' r - i., v.,
"Wanted a Dress of Yellow Backs."
By ELISE HAMILTON. , '
DON'T worry, Simon, about that Atlantic High
lands mistake Broadway's still on the . map.
Why, there 'waa a Millionaire Kid once who
came on from- the West in a private. car with his mind
full of skyscrapers and the high places 'along the Gay
White Way, who dropped asleep. Just this side of
Elizabeth, N. J., and was awakened by the porter
yelling: "New-Ark!"
; Believe me, that Kid grabbed his bag. and Jumped
off before any one could stop him. A minute later
he wai gazing at: the top of a six-story, building on
Market street saying to himself: : "Gosh! New York's 1
sure a wonder!" It was a week before he could be
pried loose from that Jersey burg. But once he saw
the Flatiron Building, the rest was easy. He turned
out a real credit to himself. f ;
But this gold-lined Simon ought to be told at once
that progress rules the age. The day is past ; when
a Millionaire Kid can distinguish mimself by the usual
Broadway lobster and bubble stuff route. And that
reminds me that I can do him a good turn with kisd
Elise Hamilton, Who Recommend a Drzsa of "Yellow Backs." '"J
permission of Flo Ziegfeld. You see, it's
so hard to make people believe that, my
second act dress cost $900.
What I suggest is that Simon furnish
the material to make me a dress all ot
yellow backs. - Then if people won't be
lieve I'm one expensive dresser,, all I
have to do is to turn around slowly and
say:. Well,-if you don't take my tally
Just count me. up for. yourself." Believa
me,1 a little stunt 'like this will gend
Simon ringing down the ages.