Tilh BFE: OMAHA. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 1911.
The ee'g fime yaga z, i rp p)a
THT, BEtA JUNIOR BIRTHDAY BOOK.
Told by the Troubled Tourist
unci i& me uay we VweieDraie
f e
Mi
f
'Handing somebody a lemon may not
be so foolish as It look If we are to be
lve the latent returns from Borne sec
tions of the country," remarked the
Troubled oTurlst. "I observe, for In
stance, that a tourist with a pronounced
southern accent, who bed been riding on
a train through Illinois, alighted at 8t.
Lnuls and handed the conductor a lemon.
"Th conductor though he saw the Joke
and put the lemon In his pocket, but a
short time afterward he became aware
that the lemon wai leaking. He investi
gated and perceived that there waa an
unmistakable odor of whisky about that
lemon, ami doner Inspection disclosed
that sure enough, real double distilled
corn Juice was oozing; from a hole In
tho lemon skin.
"It appears that Hlnce the Illinois leg
islature pastcd a law making It a misde
meanor for any one to take a drink of
liquor on a train, even from his own
bottle, tin conductor has had the power
to arrest said drinker. Hence the lemon
subterfuge.
"rteniiiics one of the hippy days In
Maine when we winked one eye In order
lug clioi ..ia'e soiia, or down in old North
Caroline when v.-e laid a dollar on a
tone by the roudsirte, retired a mile or
ao up the road, and came back to find
a jug nhrie the dollar l.ad been. And
them v as something In the Jug, loo.
"The handy bunch of rubber grain's is
also stroiiR in memory. You could carry
a bunch of those to the theater with you
and nul have l go out between the acts,
though It was a little awkward if any of
them burst.
"About this train law, though, it looks
as though dry times were ahead when
you can't drink water because there
aren't any cups, and you can't use your
own particular pet flask. A car full of
dry, drummers eating lemons ought to be
'lulte a sltiht.
"However, the train prohibition so far
Mr. Woodpecker
Many birds show very great intelli
gence, but the wisdom of the wood
pecker Is certainly well worth a little
careful study.
' Some persons are of the opinion that
reason is no more than keen Instinct; but
there is a difference when we come to
study some of the habits of a few of the
more Intelligent birds.
The woodpeckers that inhabit aome of
the western wooded districts show a
wonderful reasoning power. They
actually plan (or months ahead for what
they consider a very delicate morsel of
food. They provide certain food for a
season when that particular kind is very
scarce, and they make the work of secur
ing it quite, eaay, too.
While acorns are falling In the autumn
months the woodpeckers climb all over
the trunks of trees and peck hundreds
of small holes in the wood. They carry
.acorns to these cavatles and In seme
manner pound or push them Into the
holes they have, made, with the point of
the acorn In the hole, leaving exposed
the larger end. of the acorn.
Months after, when winter has passed
and the spring has come, these wood
peckers return to the scene of their
autumn labors, and there In each acorn
they find a nice plump worm feeding
on the kernel of the acorns they had
placed in the holes In the trees. The
birds flit from one acorn to another, peck
open the shell and extract the delicious
morsel of food. The birds evidently knew
the worms would be there.
Men who have watched the work of
these bird white placing the acorns in
the holes they made in the trunks of
trees declare the birds will carefilly
examine an acorn, and If It is found to
be one that promises worm life In the
months to follow it is carried to the
cavity and deposited; but if the acorn is
a perfectly sound one the birds will dis
card it and pick up another.
Most acorns, like chestnuts, are polluted
Martha, isn't Dick Jamison the best
fun?" tentatively asked the Best Chum,
exchanging confidences over the teacups.
"You know. I think some artist should
use him to epitomize the popular idea of
a good fellow. He Is a good fellow, the
very best fellow In the world, and I don't
understand why you weren't perfectly
mad about him.'.'
"Goose," said the Maid Who Never
Married, "a woman marries a man for
hla husbandly qualities, not for his good
fellowship. If Jou want to know the
true reason I didn't allow myself to be
perfectly mad' about Dick, you ahould
stop at sister's town house with me for a
few weeks. The Dick Jamisons live next
door, you know. The only reason I'm not
playing the heroin of the aching heart
and paying all night electric bills In place
of Mrs. Dick Is that I happened to get a
peek behind the curtain of the future,"
and what I saw there closed my eara to
all Dick's happy sallies, keen wit. con
tagious laughter and protestations of un
dying devotion. Absent treatment of the
affections never dtd appeal to me anu I
couldn't bring myself to taXe a chance
on long dibtanca loving. Result: Kxlt
Dick, vowing his permanent retirement
from the silly world of pleasure and cry
ing to high heaven his determination to
dabble only In the serlpus things of life
from that day henceforth forevertnora.
"With Dick's renunciations ringing In
my ear I was half sorry for my sum
mary dismissal of him. Paruapa, after
all, bis good fellowship waa but the nat
ural outoepplng of a merry nature,
thrae-fourtha generouslty and one-fourth
mlaobial. I determined to give Dick an
opportunity to get mora farorabla an
awer the moment ha gave evidence of
having baas aoaered by hla desires to set
tle down.
"Certainly. I told myself, a man with
hope of a home and the woman he loves
will And no time for the card table,
bachelor parties) and other typical amuse
ments beloved of man creaturea.
"It seemed every one always counted
oa Dick. He'd Oil a table at bridge, com
plete a dinner party, lead a eotOloa i -lead
hundred dollar bill at a moment'
notice. Be waa the Ufa of every party
he g-reoed aad waa known to have pit.
the seal of friendship oa more quarreli
"BtKBS'S HOWI-
only exists In itiin.n .tut':. so that If
the genial traveler only restrains his
thirst until the state line Is passed he
will not have to resort to the lemon or
any other subtle device.
"Borne, states are so big. though, a
man mlcht perish before ho got through
the desert.
"A road with plenty of tunnels ought to
be a popular one in a dry state like that,
only rare would havu to be exercised In
order to avoid the little mistake of Fort
Rod Jonts, who was traveling next a
veterinarian In a dry state. In the fl-st
long tunnel the train came to Forty .1
made a dive for his overcoat pocket and,
extracting a bottle, took a long pull at it.
Tho next moment there was a riot In the
car and Forty Rod was the center of It.
He had dived Into the veterinarian's
overcoat by mistake and seized a bottle
of horse liniment."
(Copyright, 1911, by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
is a Wise Bird,
J
with a germ In the earlier stages of the
nut's life, and this germ hatches out a
worm In the very flesh of the nut and
and the meat is food for the worm.
It is very evident the smart wood
peckers know all this, and much more,
and they simply reason that It would be
wine to secure a plentiful supply; and
this Is the reason they are so busy peck
ing the trees full of holes. Each hole
will hold an acorn and each acorn will
contain a worm.
It is said the food supply of these birds
would be quite scarce at the spring sea
son if they did not reaort to this method
of storing away a good supply of meat
for that season. San Francisco Chronicle.
Jealousy A Limit.
Lady Duff-Gordon, at a dinner In New
York, praised the beauty doctor.
"It has put back the clock at least fif
teen years (or woman." she, said. "The
woman of 60 years today, thanks to the
beauty parlor, hardly looks So years old.
In fact, I might almost say that there
are no old women any more."
"I'p to what age can woman still be
called young?" ' a pretty grandmother
asked pensively.
"No matter what her years," said
Lady Duff-Gordon, "a woman Is still
young so long as she can make a man
Jealous."
Why Baby Tried.
"Why is babe crying, John?" asked
mother, coming into the room hastily.
"He doesn't want to get into the bath
tub without his rubbers on." said John.
"He's afraid he'll get his feet wet." St.
Louis Republic.
The kanagroo, which Is noted for its
enormous appetite, can eat In a given
time as much grass as six s.ieep would
consume in the same period.
Sealing wax does not contain a particle
of wax, but consists of ahelac, Venice
turpentine and cinnabar.
The Maid Who Never Married-and Why
than any man in his circle. Fo..s simply
couldn't be enemies where Dick was; he
wouldn't let 'em. The boys called Pick
the 'Keeper of the Midnight Crew" be
cause he always stayed until tue last one
of them was In bed. He was so good
natured he Just couldu't leave one of t'ie
mob to crultte about alone. ..o doubt his
title of 'Keeper' was well earned.
"You recall the autumn of the biggest
financial frost in Wall street when dollars
were as scarce as strawberries In Jan
uary? You couldn't pick up a paper with
out reading of another panic;, the noise
of the crash of firms which had stood
for years reverberated through the draw
ing rpoms of the mighty. I knew Dick's
firm was being squeesed with the rest
Besides, he talked economy and hinted at
the prospect of a house uptown in case
the hope of his Ufo was realised. I wan
pretty certain the hope waa myself and
the odds were In favor of rea'isatlon.
"Dick left ine one rvenlnx early and
went to the club 'o keej a business ap
pointment, hardly had lie eneroj when
he was grabbed by a fellow mrmber and
fairly pushed toward the card lottn.
"'Come on, D!tit, be a good ft"'W,'
called the players. That settled it. Dick
could not disregard the cha'ienKe t. gotd-
SOMETHING f U. -- , S PftRL.Mc, eocWWtl) V ' 5AY fMtf l
VfWWMWW Sl (MUM') WTHIN6 BX WfTHBtor , asJVT I UefcP HIM? J
"(js p yNy
(PdDExg.1
COromiHT. IflktT
rwOULO YOU
PET THAT
CAfcMEL
THAT 173
(VCFFN.
MIS' BROWN?.,
r-
CHAM AM THEIR 7 (tizagfj waHhWj) tr tlJrJx&l
. Sm CHANGES COLORj ( WW -y ff&g S
'
Loretta's Looking Glass-Held Up to Girl With the Dog
A dog on a string leading a married
woman may be regarded as a misfortune.
But. when it is attached to the leash that
drags a pretty young girl like you at the
other end it is an abomination.
It's an object of 111 omen. In the eyes
of men, I mean.
It makes no difference how you try to
crawl under or endeavor to overlook It.
men like women who like babies. It
fellowshlp. I never iiund cut hnv much
Dick really lost inat night, but It .as
enough to cripple .ilm for two ars at
least.
"No further reference vas mada to the
house uptown. By c.uiu-e I llscvercd the
cause of Dick's subJuid nrd-r, tnd I
gave him his conge. A mtn who IU
make love subservient to aood fellowship
is not eligible as a biu'n:id no matter
what his personal charms inny be
"Eventually," contlnii.yd ilie Maid with
a sigh. "Dick married a dear, delicate
little rosebud of a girl in her first sea
son. She adored him, hung on his every
word and was in a perfect testacy when
he was particularly aattenlive. They toc.k
the house next to sleter. For a while it
was all billing md o lolrg. '7 he Doves,'
they were nlcknnwd.
"Just when l"l.-k begjn to dr ft back
Into good fellowship r.o one st ems to
know, the return was so gradual. But
drift he certainly d!d, si the lat 5 cabs
and midnight lights told only too plainly.
People began to noiioe that Mrs. rK k
went about a great la' clone. H-v
many times did I. returning In the wee
sma' houra of the mi.r.nnr; frvm dnnct or
party, look across the dlvidlni? exr ni)
of snowdiifted lawn and see Mr. Dick,
TM NEW YOSJt FYWWl TtLtttlM (MEW MM HEUl COX
( cose r
I YiOVlP, HONEY,)
stands for the womanly tenderness, the
especial brand of affection that every
man believes is essential to the character
of a woman.
The man may positively fear the red
and squirming morsel that represents the
future man. He may avoid the house
where it appears as he would the plague.
He may assauge his conscience for ceas
ing to visit the home of his dearest
friends because of the new member of
-.J
hunched up by ihe flra in her boi.Ccir,
gazing In the glowing coals to nee the
ashes of her dead hopa. How fehe rn
to the window at tne sou-vl of evtiy
tardy cab or taxi, hoping It would dis
gorge the figure of :ir husband uway on
good fellow escapades. Nliht after night
she sits there, 'bnging and wauMrg,
alone.
"No, my dear, I have no desire to btrn
the midnight oil for a husba.id glvfn to
goofi fellowship. It means nerves. Mid
nerves mean age an J J have the greatest
respect lor youth and beaut j."
"Inspiration."
Beranger is best known for his bac
chanalian songs. One night he waa at
supper with Dumaa the elder. The
younger Dumas, who was present, was
passing through his college course and
at that period was exhibiting those
characteristics which unfortunately de
veloped later In life.
Noticing that Beranger had drunk only
water, he somewhat Indiscreetly asked:
"Where do you obtain, M. Beranger, all
the wine which we find in your songs?"
The poet's reply was: "Prom the
fountain at the corner, my boy. and you
would do well to make that the source of
your inspirations "Indon Globe.
I Should Say Not!
mi ii , v ! m
(0) ih XS rsl I V CMILIUHS C0M6 I
Vf A- "SJlfca tTfli MifrKTT MI&M MAHlH :
t2rSr Me WT AS I
fi?yti?J JATUZA'J. I KNOW I
Mm Wm. Sj I'M
$ IrL
1 23
at
VMQ.L VO' LOSE wci i t 'UP
jto4 ny fwoyp c. T cxoovntssl
wijbli vo its pin(9 -
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the family by sending costly gifts. He
may evidence his disapproval In all the
silent ways by which men express their
dislikes; BUT he is Inutantiy suspicious
of a girl who shares his dislike for babies.
And here's the point logical or not, it's
a fact: a girl with a dog, especially one
of the lap kind, summons Into a man's
mind a picture of a fat matron who hates
babies and adores her poodle.
A delightful girl I know has three of
these rakish, devoted, Intelligent dogs
with hair in their eyes. A man who rec
ognises the charm of the girl often plays
with her and the dogs. The other morn
ing he met the dog, with the girl on the
string trotting along behind.
"By Jove! It's an Insult to a decent
dog.'" he exclaimed with a look at the
girl quite unlike any he had caat toward
her before. "I wouldn't have thought It
of you!"
The girl flamed into a becoming anger.
"I thought you liked dogs!" she cried.
"I do. but not on Btrtngs!"
And the pretty girl la wondering at the
inconsistency of men. She cannot see
why a man will enjoy a girl's possession
of three dogs at large on the lawn and
resent her taking one out on a string.
You, with your canine wad of white
wool rolling along In front of you,
tangling up the legs of unwary pedes
trians, behaving generally In a way that
ought to embarrass you, but does not
Just learn of me. You are running down
the value of your own goods. You are
disgusting the kind of men who make
good husbands. You are putting yourself
in the class with women who are fai-.t,
women who hate bablea and women who
insult dogs! I'd like to know how you
expect anything masculine worth having
to want you. You will have to hunt up
one of the wlth-all-your-faults-he-loves-you-Ettll
kind of men. And they are
scarcer than hens' teeth. Men do not
have to be tolerant. There are too many
girls busy with all their energy at "ex
actly suiting" them. I should rut the
doffs string; If I were you!
s
WEDNESDAY,
Nuns and AddrrM. School. Ye-ar.
Bertha Adams, 5111 North Twenty-third St Druid Hill 1905
Margaret Brorkmlller, 227 South Twelfth St Casfcllar 1S9S
Edwin H. Barnes. SS35 Franklin St Franklin 1003
Earl B. Brown, 2211 Douglas St Central lf03
Waunetta Bruncr. 2722 Fort Omaha Ave Miller Tark 1903
Lola E. Byrd. 1901 Dodge St High 1S93
Myrtle Cain, 2616 Brown St Saratoga 1901
Milton A. Cole. 2602 Wirt St lthrop J...1904
Ethel J. Cook, 1614 South Tenth St . Lincoln 1S99
Mable E. Corwln, 1212 South Seventh St. Lincoln 1S98
Helen E. Danlelson. 2232 North Nineteenth St. . . .Lake . - 1900
Eliza O. Donoghue. 2201 Cuming St CasB 1902
Stanford Elledge, 2712 South Twenty-first St Cantellar 1S98
Carlton J. Endres, 2410 Ames Ave Saratoga ..1903
Sidney A. England. 2767 Cuming St Kelloni 1S94
Charles Francis. 11 22 South Thirteenth St Pacific 1903
Goldie Flnkelstein. 919 North Sixteenth St .Cass 1S91
David P. Findley. 3602 Lincoln Blvd Franklin 1905
Bertha Foreht, Forty-fourth and Fort Sts Central Park 1903
Mary A. Fox. 13 Shelby Court High 1897
Roy Laton Gill. 211 North Eighteenth St Central 1S97
Dorothy Guckert. 116 North Thirty-eighth Ave. . . .Saunders 1903
Chester F. Johnson, 2603 North Twentieth St Lake 1S99
Viola Johnson, 974 North Twenty-seventh St. .... .High .1896
Jake Kattleman, 922 South Twentieth St Leavenworth 1898
James M. Knocoles, 4320 Seward St Walnut Hill 1902
Mike Kroupa. 1217 South Fourth St Train 1896
Josephine Lambert, 3301 Pinkney St
Dorothy M. Llttell. 3324 Fowler Ave
John McLaughlin. 1831 North Twenty-second St. . .Kellom 1900
Ruth Margohn, 1710 North Twenty-fourth St Long 1903
Annie Mlnkin, 1923 Paul St. , Kelloni 1903
Marguerite Moore, 4328 Leavenworth St Columbian ......1899
Luther P. Noble, 2814 Webster St Webster 1901
Juliet M. O'Donnell. 1115 South Twenty-eighth St. ..Park 1897
Adelheid Oeldniann, 1716 Center St St. Joseph 1899
Gaynell Parker, 2004 Clark St Kellom .1898
Doris Peterson, 2553 Ames Ave Saratoga 1905
Charles Roberts. 2447 South Twentieth St Castellar 1898
Thoddine Rountree, 1125 North Nineteenth St. .. .Kellom ....1899
Robert Sackett. 2563 Poppleton Ave Park 1901
Roy Smith, 3204 Pinkney St Howard Kennedy .. 1898
Olive Snell. 3230 Emmet St Howard Kennedy ... 1 S98
Helen F. Stuhldreier, Twelfth and Kavan Sts Edw. Rosewater. . . 1904
Cora M. TolBtrup, Thirty-eighth and Arbor Sts. . .".Windsor 1902
Joseph Trummer, 912 Homer St Bancroft 1894
John Vasko, 1402 South Thirteenth St Comenius 1901
Arthur Waack. 3323 South Twenty-fourth St Castellar 1897
Joe Wolf, 2324 South Twelfth St Lincoln ......... 1899
Jh
Fights Between Town and Circus Men
"The recent death of
Madame Emma
Lake recalls to me a most thrilling Inci
dent In that energetic lady's early career,
when her cirrus was traveling overland
In northeastern Missouri," remarked J.
W. Murphy of Burl.ngton, la., In a recent
talk. "It was In 187. when I was a lad
of 10, the age when a boy thinks the man
ager of a circus Is an Infinitely superior
being to the president of the country.
"The battle started at Luray, Clark
county, where Madame Lake's clrcuB
gave a performance and a 10-cent concert
following the main show. It was this con
cert that caused the trouble. The round
top was crowded at both afternoon and
evening performances. The great civil
war was Just over and the land was full
of impetuous youths. Something at the
evening concert didn't set well on the
spectators and they became turbulent. As
the constabulary of the village waa not
large the circus people had to do their
own fighting. A free-for-all scrap fol
lowed outside the tent In the darkness.
' "The battle went on savagely until dawn
and continued In the glare of day. It waa
conducted by companies, by squads and
individual combats. It teemed that every
-fighting man carried a wound somewhere
about him. In some of these personal en
counters the spectators there were great
crowds attending the 'free show' after
daylight would form a ring around the
fighters and cheer them on to the highest
endeavor. Ah! That waa a time of slug
ging that would have made light the heart
of the prizerlng devotee.
"The boys from the army are game
the gamenst fighters I ever saw. They
brought to bear all the experience and
skill they had acquired In hand-to-hand
fighting over breastworks and charging
abattls. I doubt whether ever before the
stake-drivers and fighting men of a circus
had to go against a sterner proposition.
"During a sort of lull the wagon men
munaged to get their teams hooked up
and start was made westward to Mem
phis, the county seat of Scotland.
"Madam Lake was a fromlnent figure
In a carriage drawn by eight white
Arabian horses. With dozens of other
boys I stood about on the roadside while
I the circus waa evacuating under fire. I
September 20, 1911.
Howard Kennedy. .1902
Monmouth Park. . . 1903
- saw Madam Lake, her fine eyes ablaze
with Indignation, stand up In her carriage
and offer to divide $5,000 In gold among
her men If they would beat back the as
sailants. At last she was compelled to
give the order to her driver to retreat to
save heraelf from possible violence, and
the way that fine equipage sailed down
the highway was the tnont spectacular
thing about the whole affair.' No une for
any Luray horesman to try to outrun
those splendid Arabian animals. I doubt
whether a motor could have overtaken
them that day.
"The attacking party renewed the fight
In the morning with axes, using their
weapons to chop the apokes out of the
wagon wheels. As the wagons were
abandoned by the routed clrcua crew they
were hauled along the road to Waycond
creek-then bank full and thrown in.
One of the showmen, who waa badly
beaten up, remained In his wagon and
was never heard of afterward. We boya
followed out to the creek and saw .he
gaudy vehicles dumped Into the rushing
tide and heard the cheers of the avenger.
The destruction of the circus waa com
plete. "I think that was the last clrcua that
ever visited Luray. Perhaps the town
was blacklisted by shows. Anyhow, if
Luray wants to see a clrcua now It has
to travel far to do so.
"Something like two years ago I was
driving along the road where the big
fight took place and noted an old wagon
hub half hidden In the weeds In a fence
junior., examination snowed It waa the
final relic of Madam Lake's once popular
overland circus a mute landmark of Mla
sour! In the wild and woolly days."
D
A Quick Cat.
The grayness of evening was creeping
over the little suburb. Far away the
shrill voices of newspaper boys could be
hard calling the 9:30 editions, and the
moon cast its pale beama on the worried
woman who stood anxiously leaning over
her garden gate.
"I can't make out where my husband
has got to," she remarked to a neighbor.
"He went out nearly three hours ago
with our cat, a bag. two bricks and the
clothesline. He was going to the river
to drown the cat. Oh. what can have
happenea to nimr'
"Don't worry, dear," said the sympa
thetic neighbor. "Cats take an awful
time to drown, you know."
"But It can't be that keeping him."
sobbed the distracted wife, "because the
cat came back more than an hour ago
Tit-Bits.
omp Babbles.
Pill a quart bottle full of distilled water
and sift into It four-fifths of an ounce of
Ivory soap, which has been finely shaved.
Allow this to dUeolve. then shake and
leave till all bubbles have disappeared.
Add one third pint of glycerine and after
thoroughly mixing the two pour Into a
basin and give each child a clean glaaa
or clay pipe. The glycerine makes the
bubbles very strong and they will soar
longer than oti'r.
I
V
