THE PEE: OMAHA, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14. 1911.
rge'e'g line Magazine
r
7Lq BEE3 ofuwor Biriiday Bookr
Men Who Helped to Make America
If The
Me M
T
I
f
)
'If
Of th numercm family of Smith, on
bearing the equally general nam of
John wa th founder of the Colony of
Virginia.
He W'a on of the Lincolnshire Pmlth.
lid n born In Wllloughby in 1T59. He
o daring and dventurou during
hl tchool days that he planned a flight
to mi '
After hi father' death he wa left In
charge of guardian, who. In order to
seize hi little patrimony, encouraged the
' boy to run away.
At fifteen he left England. vlited France
and the low countries, and entered the
French army. When the fighting waa over
In Franc he Joined some other English
. toldler of fortune in the armies of Philip
. the Second and the duke of Alva, fight
ing In the Netherlands.
Hi lifo wa a varied one. He became
a hermit, and a student of Marcus Aure-
' Hub and Machlavelll. Then he became a
pirate, afterward a traveler In Italy, a
fighter of the Turks, wher he was held
as a slave until his escape into Rarsia and
his return to England.
Here he hrard wonderful tales of tho
New World, and was fired with a coloniz-
er a ambition. After long delay, he formed
a company, capitalized It. and, obtaining
a grunt of land from thf crown, set out
In December, ltioC, with l'." men arid three
rmall vessels.
Jn April of the follow, rig year they
Mi iri Pastor a Pooh-Bah and Trainer
Fuller Swift, pastor of the Ironton (Mo.)
Haptist chuich.-cditor of the Arcaaia Val
ley Enterprise, principal of the Arcadia
High chool. bandmaster, aecrctary of the
Arcadia Country club and horse trainer, is
Biven a nice boost by the St. Louis Re
public. Believing that country ehurehe could be
more successful If they have better edu-
, eated minister who can obtain part of
their financial support from other line of
work. Fuller Sw in has been giving the
theory a trial, and at the end of three
' year both he and hia congregation say
that the arrangement ha been a great sue-
'. ees..
He obtain Kts additional financial In
come from th Arcadia Valley Enterprise
and from th "Arcadia Height school."
tarted by himself.
Forty-on years old, the son of a Baptls:
preacher and himself an ordained minister
.. of that denomination. Mr. Swift is demon-
stratlng that the successful pastor In an
up-to-date country church should be a man
-with a college education and business abil
' Ity enough to earn a fair income aside
from whatever salary the church can af
ford to pay him. '
' Tor a long time Mr. Swift wanted to own
, a newspaper as a plaything, and two years
ago bought the Arcadia Valley Enterprise,
which he It publishing weekly as a "dry"
, paper. He writes th' editorial and super-
r
"Standing Pat" as
' "Wish I eouM attune myself to circum
stance and have the faculty of standing
pat with every one like Miss Clark," said
a morose little typist who had the faculty
of Job-quitting pretty well developed.
"How nicely she can manage the manager
with her little masterpieces of smooth
' talk."
: "It all right to be a standpat." argued
her chum, "but- there' are always a .few
despicable ones. I like to keep shy of
those who are always diplomatically nice
and agreeable under all circumstance.
Usually they have some little deal up their
sleeves which they want to spring on you.
and are always laying for a chance to
make It materialize In their own favor."
At th other end of the restreom a typ
ical ataadpat of the so-called blarneying
ort waa exchanging confidence with her
hum.
, "Oh, ye, th bos Is awfully nice to
person if you can show him you have hi
Interest at heart," she remarked a little
dolefully, "but don't you know as ooi a
he show preferment, other are there with
the long face and ready with their slurs.
"It Just reached my ears the other morn
leg that I am having matrimonial designs
en the manager, also that the chief, being
a. mere figurehead under my influence, I
win coon have a substantial raiae, and all
the deserving ones who were expecting a
lift will be distinctly disappointed An
other thing I heard Is that I'm going to be
Instrumental 1n dismissing two of ".he
smartest girls In the office, who far sur
T
Million Paid Each Year by Alimony Club
v
How much I tpent annually in alimony
by the courts' decrees? At least Sl.flflO.OOO
:n New York City, according to an article
by Thedora Bean in the i'elesram. And
how much la used in various out of court
agreemepts? Little less than ll.0n0.O10 a
month, for the man wtih. money pay to
have every obstacle between him and his
nw happiness whether that happlnees
pll woman or freedom removed.
The divorced wife' of Howard Gould
draw the largest amount ordered by the
"court, or HS.ftjO a year; the smallest um
paid for freedom is $3 a week, and even
th three-dollar man. though lavish with
the first and second payments, grows
weary or bored or negligent and often has
ta be summoned to th domestic relations
ceurt and asked why th severing of the
old tie wasn't worth the price.
If he doesn't answer In the langusge of
the law he gee to Jail or Ludlow prl'on,
wher alimony defaulter expiate their
moral and financial deficiencies, and a man
may be sent to Jail for a three-dollar obli
gation he hs failed to meet' as well as
for en of three thousand.
"Do th men who t out on th alimony
trail grumble about th price 7" wa kd
of th clerk of court, who deal with- di
vorce matttrs.
"Nlnety-flv per ent of them py with
out a murmur; they seem gld to do It.
Later, on their teal evidently vanishes and
some grew lax. but they know they have
to settle or go to Jail."
"Do men never receive alimony, or apply
for It?"
"Never heard Of It that 1 an exclusively
foreign custom, which no American man
at dopted."
"fo women ever get a much a they
ask for?"
landed at what Is now Jamestown. H.
became the leading spirit of the colony,
The story of hit capture by the Indians
and his romantic rescue by Pocahontas
the daughter of a great Indian chief, were
described by Smith himself In a letter
to Queen Anne.
Ill health compelled his return to Eng
land, but he lived to make later voyages
The date and place of his death are not
known.
(Copyright, mil, by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
visus the making up of the forms, while
the office force attend to all the other
matters.
For two year he was a member of the
Missouri State Board of Immigration, until
It went out of existence through lack of
funds. He 1 secretary of the Aracdla
Country, club nd resident director for the
Improvement being made at the ,O00-acre
club property.
"All work and no play make Jack a
dull boy," so he break horses for recrea
tion. Some of the best saddle and com
bination horse In outhern Missouri have
been trained by him. He will not break
any horses that are not highly bred and
handle only four a year. He enjoys rid
ing or driving a spirited animal, arid Is
very proud of hit tuccess In training a
thoroughbred colt. He alwaya ha a wait
ing list of two or three friends who want
their young horee trained, but he will Han
dle only one at a time, and. keeps that one
until It ha been thoroughly trained arid
it gentle enough for a lady to ride. Hi
particular pleasure Is in teaching young
horses the various saddle gaits.
Most country congregations would be j
very much shocked to ee their pastor rld-
'tifi i . . . - j
cup or driving along tn smoom vaney
roads like a rac horse owner, but Swlffa
congregation are thoroughly In accord with
the pastor's work.
an Office
pass ma when It comet to ability. I have
an exceedingly Jealous disposition, which
Is altogether enough to sour the most
amiable person living, especially when
you've tried to be on the square with every
one and everything."
" "Tou know there must and will be knock
era," consoled, her chum, "and the only
way to get even with them Is to mind your
own business and Ignore them.
"Thl reminds me of th time when they
called me the sly little standpat. because I
put out more letter than all the rest Just
to please th boss and make It hard for the
others. Naturally enough I was doing this
In my own Interest, but when the bos saw
what could be done at an average rat of
speed, he forced his standard a little higher
and showed his teeth to the slow poke on
occasion. And then when the quiet little
ta'.Kfests began and opinion broke loos.
"But I kept right on In my own way and
by and by I got the raiae I wa looking for.
During thl time a gradual winnowing of
th wheat and tares went on in th office,
and those who were fretting a little too
much about overwork and underpay were
duly relieved of the strain.
"Th other girls who began to tea th
fallacy of shirking because they owed
something to themselves, began to pull to
gether, and we all got along swimmingly.
"Yes, Id rather be a standpatter any
time than one of your perpetual storm
brewers, who always pride themselves on
their Individuality and "yet always reap the
whirlwind in the end." Chicago Tribune.
"Rarely, but they usually accept th
court' Judgment without an appeal.''
"Do women sue for divorce without men
tioning alimony?"
"Borne do, those who think they are
equipped for earning their own living and
who don't want to accept anything from
th men who have mad a mess of the
matrimonial venture. And ther are oth
er who ask for alimony as a matter of
form, but who atraightway set about to he
Independent and refuse to accept the sum
the court ha allowed, but such cases are
not met with frequently."
f
v.
Wed but Far Apart
J
At Schweldnltt. (n 6ilesta, a marriage haa
Just been celebrated in the absence of the
bridegroom, or as th latter might well
srgue, In the absence of th bride. It was
a case of marriage by proxy, the bride be
ing Frauletn Antonl Adamltier and the
bridegroom Herr Frit Moorman, director
of a sugar factory rn Java. At th precis
moment that the' woman wa answartn?
th familiar question In Europe the man
stood before the local mayor In Asia, Di
rectly after the eeremony. which was not
gone through with in deference ta any ro
mantic sentiment but purely a a wis
precaution, the young brid sailed for the
east. On arrival at Java she win be wedded
religiously.
Fortuno came and loudly knocked
At my door with cheery hail;
But alas for Fortune labors
,1 was over at mv neighbors
Fouring out a hard-luck tale.
Ladle Horn Journal
coroncurr. wit. it
Loretta's
Not a victim of mine! No, Indeed! . You.
are a victim of the senseless education
that w are all so proud of. I Let me show
you how. This Is a part of your letter
"Just be fair, don't try to be kind; and
you will help the more."
Then you go on with description of a
state that could never have existed it
you had not thought that .marriage la
everything that It isn't, and refused to
consider what It really is. Being fair, as
you admonished, I must say that you are
not to blame for your point of view. But
you will be to blame If we you want me
to help ever get this affair of yours fixed
so that you may marry and become the
mother of a daughter. If you fail to teach
her to know what' what, you ought to be
everely punished. I was going to say
something wore thn that; but I will be
moderate. '
Tho girl you write about was, still Is,
engaged to a man somewhat older than
herself. And one time, when he wa away
from her, In tome lonely place where the
weather was bad and the cooking, too
though your letter doesn't mention that
he felt terribly blue and homesick. And so
lovesick! From the depths of his lone
some heart he wrote of a time when he
should hav her. with him. He spoke of
Marching Hard Work
People re apt to think aoldler vry poor
walker becauee an army on the march
cover only ten or twelve mile of ground
per day. Even then a good many men fail
out through fatigue. om faint, and the
whole are completely done up at the end of
th day.
But the oldlr Is, ; vertheles. a first
rate .walker, says tho Philadelphia In
quirer. It 1 all a matter of foot-tons of
energy expended. Take an ordinary la
borer, and his day's work will be equal to
300 tons lifted one foot high. An average
man. walking seventeen miles on th level,
doc the same amount of muscle work.
But mark. If he carries an overcoat weigh
ing six pound, he does 311 foot-ton.
Now the soldier la a regular pack-herst.
and the kit that he carries averages about
sixty pounds In weight. Fo that he doee
exactly as much work In a twelve miM
march as an ordinary man In hi seven
teen mile walk. Beside, th soldier has t.i
"break camp" before starting, and at thr
flnlah of the march he haa to pitch camp.
draw water,: collect fuel, clean rifles, etc .
not to speak of taking sentry-go. When,
as sometime happens,, an army march
twenty miles, th day' work of the soldier
1 really two day' work, or about 600 foot
ton. ' tettiusT Caesar Back.
Caesar wa boasting about having divided
Gaul Into three part.
"Great Scott." exclaimed Uncllu famlua.
"Three parts? Why. I divided Ctandard
Oil Into thirty-five parts." St. Louis Fost-
Dispatch.
Th worry cow would have lived till now
If shed only caved her breath,
But she feared the hay wouldn't last all
day.
So she chocked herself to death.
Ladies Horn Journal.
(WHAT RE THOSE ZUVTS.
FUNNY THINCfS ON , "KkAX i
XOUW HlS.FOff.MWf I
t?rrt - ) f say. she certinl7 foi
y&$ fV fTM0SE OKt CURLA. I GOTT. SWELL CVHl ON I iTX
S?, K p,Pi,5,T0MkE 1 I MlfcTAIL. ONpTR t5HSJ TY
f 'VS StOT Tr,
- r BYJlMKS. MAS V 'vroT itJ
I - . I. ?"ST BE .LITHE &0. . (HflVl (
I y PI&A HWS faor'EM J Jt "
" (thtj bi&ht, l Aug h ! welLTN
UoVoJ- jjmoI Jjik ( F,,lc )
tw nor res nuts nuaa sow km mculo cox m
Looking Glass-Held Up
the love that would come deeper hd truer
even than the love now felt when she
should be the soul of hit home and the
mother of his children. And that't what
tlld th mischief. He might have dreamed
of a time when the girl should be the orna
ment of hi parlor, or the abuser of his
kitchen range, or the dispenser of Ms
wherewithal, anything, everything but to
dream of the best and most beautiful and
useful of all the things she could be, gave
her a shock.
"What If the letter had gone
astray?" th girl thought.
And she wrote him never to say such
things, that It was the suresf way to make
them tired of each other!
Thl girl you tell about so feelingly al
most as If you were she! now walls be
cause the man was deeply hurt at her In
terpretation of his words. He thought he
wa paying her the highest tribute. Ehe
know It now. And she berates herself
for her "damnable serving at th feet of
conventions." That Is nearly as vigorous
lansuas jib I like to use in attacking
wrongs
And you she, I mean want to be helped
back onto the pedestal where th man had
her when he wrote that letter.
Do you know what I should do? I would
c
Nubs of Knowledge
J
A large turtle give eighty pound of
tortoise shell.
In Algeria the
human beings.
horse outnumber the
In former times It was esteemed highly
Improper for unmarried persons to wear
rings.
In Italy ther are mofe theater In pro
portion to th population than in any other
country. .
Constantinople. ? 200 mile away. Is
further from London than any other
European oapltal.
A fast bowler ordinarily deliver a ball
at the pace of a little more than eighty
feet a second, or more than fifty mile an
hour.
In some part of Afrlo children will eat
salt In preference to sugar. On th Gold
coast a handful of salt will purchase two
slaves.
The American word bos, meaning an em
ployer Or overteer, 1 th modern form for
th Dutch baa, and descended from th
original Holland settler la thl country.
When a camel 1 pressed beyond It speed,
and I spent. It kneel down, and nothing
in th world will make It budge again. The
camel remain wher It kneel, and where
It kneel It dies.
First to enjoy the satisfaction of pro
ducing permanent, picture by the influence
of solar radiations was M. Niepce of Chalon
on the Eaone, France. He accomplished tt
in im.
to a Victim
j
write or tell that man. If he hat returned:
that I knew myself to be the victim of
the education which encourages a girl to
have more regard for the appearances than
for the realities. I'd explain how, by the
very thoroughness of "their neglect, the
schools impress girl with an Idea that the
deep and solemn and natural life facts are
somehow things to be ashamed of or shied
at. And let him know that a kind of false
modesty is cultivated In you by th mother
who ought to teach you to view yourself
and your meaning in life with broad and
splendid frankness. Tell him a girl it
taught to be everything else but a
woman.
I am Just being "fair" don't you dare
accuse me of being "kind" when I ay
that I think you are a pretty good speci
men of what our sex should be. You see
your own mistake, and want to make good.
If the man It what your letter Indicate.
he will love you mors tenderly for open
acKnowieagement or your narrowness. And
he will be ortly too glad to give you a
boost back on the pedestal from which
you, half lgnorantly, tumbled. Just re-
memoer mat tne man Who loves Is as anx
ious to keep the girl on a pedestal as she
la to be ther. More o, sometime!
(Copyright. 19U, by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
Washington Manor
J
An option has been secured by American
for the purchase of th English horn of
th ancestors of George Washington In
Vorthampshire, about eight mile from
Banbury. A committee appointed by th
Lake Mohonk peace conference, where it
was decided to make the pureha of th
manor house a part of the celebration of
the one hundredth anniversary of peace
among English-speaking people is now In
England conducting negotiatlona.
The price is placed upon the property by
the owners, 415.000 is considered high,
and an effort is being made to have
it reduced. The purchase it to be made
with money raised by popular subscription,
and Lady St. Heller hat undertaken to
form a committee of English women to
help raise funds for th purpose In Eng
land. The estate, which contain a manor house
and 200 acres, lies about eight miles from
Banbury. The ancient manor house is built
Chiefly of stone, with a stone roof. Over
and within the porch are antique carving,
including the Washington coat of arms, to
which la aacrlbed the origin of th Ameri
can flag.
There are seven cattoges on th grounds,
together with a brew house and stone
farm buildings.
Wore Vet.
Fatigued PhlUp Did th lady t row bollla'
water on youse? '
Wandering Walter Worso'a dat. Phil,
worsen dat It was opuds. Toledo
Blade.
Costly 'Seelnar."
D Style I attended th coronation and
It cost me Just tsoo to see the king.
Gunbusta Huh! Last night it cost m
only half of that to see three kings. Judge.
This is (ho.
Day We
Colehpato
September 14, 1911.
. ,Xam and Addret.
Sadie Adelman. 115 Charl St
Ffank Eabka, S402 South Thirteenth St
Diamond Baldwin. 4184 North Sixteenth
i Jam J. Blancher, ill South Thirty-ninth St Columbian 1902
Btty Brown, 310 North Twenty-venh
Louis R. Brown, $18 North Seventeenth
(Madeline I. Brown, 1621 Locu6t St
Sam L. Brunton. 3520 Blondo St ..Franklin 1895
Bernlce Burcbard, 2210 North Twenty-sixth St Howard Kennedy. . 1R9!
Harley J. Case. 1115 North Seventeenth St Kellom 1S9V.
Philomena Cullen. 3027 Emmet St.... Howard Kennedy .. 1904
Rose. Davideon, 1823 North Twenty-third St Long 1897
Arthur J. Dutcher, 4228 Ertkine St. Clifton Hill 1897
Samuel Ellis, 1810 Grace St Lake 1902
Leo Tlannigan, 2612 South Eleventh St St. Patrick 1900
lelvin Forsberg. 2717 Charles St l.ong 1902
Eva Fritscber. 2224 Charlea St ..Kellom 1902
Marlon Hansks, 2610 Franklin St f . , . . .Long .,.1S99
Myrtle Hauman. 810 South Thrrty-fifth Ave '. . . . Columbian ..... . 19pr.
Philip Heckman, 110 South Thirty-fifth Ave Columbian 1903
Leota Hughes, 2402 Fort St Windsor 1905
Margaret Jeffries. 1131 North Seventeenth St.' Holy Family 1901
Vera Jennings, 4712 North Fortieth St Central Park 1899
Louis Jensen, 2807 Burdette St Long 1902
Frank Kestl, 1317 South Twelfth St Lincoln 1898
Gladya Knight, 600 South Twenty-eighth St. Farnam 1895
Evangeline M. Luther, 2610 Camden Ave .Saratoga 1904
Gwendolyn E. Luxford, 2306 Ogden St Saratoga 1901
Helen Meyer, 1201 Izard St Caes 1903
Carrol M. Miller, 1706 South Twentetghth St Park 1898
Frances Mostyn, 2016 Spruce 6t Sacred Heart 1898
Fred Navrisky, 1413 Westerfield Ave Edw. Rosowater. . .1S99
Irene C. Parker, 9174 South Thirteenth St Pacific 1901
Annie Prints, 3521 Jones St Columbian 1896
6tanry Redveleki, 2719 South Twenty-fifth St. ..... .Im. Conception. ,. .1902
Lillian Richelieu. 317 Bancroft St Bancroft 1898
Raymond Schupp, 2424 South Twelfth S Bancroft 1901
Leslie E. Scrimlnger, 2726 South Nineteenth St Castellar 1902
William Stockham. 2728 South Central Blvd. Web6ter . 1901
i Stanley P. Street, 2130 South Thirty-fourth St Windsor 1905
' hov Kwnnnon. 1027 South Twenty-second St. Mason ..1895
Herbert uirien, isoa rortn iwentietn et
Lytl C. Underwood. 3938 North Twentieth St. . . .
Marie Vernon, 616 Georgia Ave
Dorothy Wallace, 4019 Burt St...-
Walter Welner. 1630 North .Twenty-aecond St. . . .
Thomas Wilson, 2301 Harney St.
Theodore Woodworth. 1150 North Twenty-third St
Why One
Whnver you meet a girl whos prent
glory i based on a much vaunted family
tree, a hazy lot of rich relatives and con
stant reference to Influential friend, you
want to begin a verification process, ac
cording to the Chronic Bachelor. Jut call
her hand torn time nd see If she isn't
bluffing.
You see, it thl way. Th girl with a
pos figure out he Isn't attractive enough
In herself to hold the attention and admira
tion of thos the meets, so she' surrounds
herself with a fletionary atmophr of
position, money and Influence, in the hope
that om good catch will be daisied into
proposing. 6h ape the clothes, manners
and pleasures of the rich. Th on great
fear of her life it that she will ome day
forget herself and be natural.
"I mt the girl with a po back tn ray
little old home town In Ohio," said the
Bachelor, remlnlecently. "Her name wa
Marlon. She blew Into th place on sum
mer day, and by the slender thread of
natural acquaintanceship she claimed the
attention of one of the most popular girls
in town. She wa ultra agreeable, con
veying to every one the impression that
meeting them was the aim and object of
her-existence. She referred constantly to
'our home in the country' and 'our sum
mer place on the lakes.' but alwaya with
the ad mystery of a possession passed
and gone.
"Before many moon Marlon wa well
to th front at ail social gathering of th
elect. I was the first to fall for her exclu
sive air. . I admired her for her fortitude
in adjusting herself to her new and re
duced circumstances so gracefully.
"Whenever I called Marlon' poor, ner
vous little mother looked half starved, but
she stuck to th ship and carried out th
campaign a planned by her daughter to
th last letter.
"One morning, late in th winter, I
called at th office of a friend Just as
Marlon waa leaving. There were unmis
takable trace of tears on her face, and.
of course. I demanded an explanation frcr
the man in the office. Reluctantly he told
me Marion was three months behind In her
gas bill and that the company hat threat
ened to turn off her heat. .
"In a few day th storm broke. A de
termined milliner, less forbearing than his
fellows had encamped on Marlon' from
door step, refusing to leave until hi bill
was paid. Th rumor flew, a rumor are
wont to do In small towns, and toon a
steady stream of tradesmen were beselglng
th house. Th following, fact hastily de
veloped :
"Marlon delicate little mother tewed
from dawn until far Into the night for
torn firm In th city, but kept the fact a
secret from her daughter's fashionable
friends, who always taw her dignified and
smiling in her on black slllc dress.
"Half of the matei.als for the refresh
ment at Marion't parties were borrowed
from the kitchen of th neighbor on the
right and th other half from th neighbor
on th left.
"Maiion voted girl who worked quit
Impossible, though she worked everybody
in a less honorable way.
"Later reports are to the effect that tha
girl with a poa married th Impoverished
son of an old family, who had been
notorious fortune hunter What a shock
whan be goes to look up th rich relatives.
Think of all th tiro they must have
wasted posing for each other when they
J'Uii Spruce Street.
School.
Vaar.
Kellom 190S
Edw. Roaewater . . . 1900
St Cats 1902
Ave ....... Webster . ., 1902
St Cass 1901
Lake ...189"
.Kellom 1902
.Saratoga 1902
.High 1896
.Saunders 1902
.Kellom 1902
.Central .1902
.Kellom .. . . .1905
Bachelor Is
might have earned real money doing the
same thing for a moving picture concern.
"The girl of my choice may be shy on
friend and relatives.'.' sighed the Bachelor,
"but she has to be genuine or the Joy belle
for m will have to go on rusting.''
r
Current Credulities
Eat to live, but do toot live to eat.
To dream of dogs it a sign of good luck.
To dream of gold or silver 1 good luck.
Gold beads worn around th neck will
cur sore throat.
Coart hair Indicate good nature; fine
hair quick temper.
To bite the tongue whll talking mean
that you hav told a 11.
Bailor wear geld earring for weak rye
or to ttrengthen th tight.
Itching in the palm of your hand mean
that you are oon to receive money.
Most powerful 1 he who haa himself In
hia power.
If thou art terrible to many then be
war of many.
If th thumb and on finger do not meet
around your wrist you are a glutton. .
Pinch your ear and th perton talking
against you win bit hi tongue.
A mole on th sole of th left foot mean
trouble and hardrhlpa during life.
Carry camphor gum and you will not
catch smallpox or any 'other contagious
diseas.
Shot Vlcartoaely.
Senator Robert L. fFiddling Bob) rama
Ulls a story baut a man tn the back
wood of Tennessee who applied for
pension for a gunfhot wound. An examn.
g surgeon of the medical board stripped
nd examined him, ejaculating finally:
"Old man, we cannot find a single blem
ish on your hide. Where were you shot
during th war?"
The old man said. "Well. gentlemen. I
wa shot in the substitute. "Leslie's
Weekly. j
7 .
Poor, Iauocrnt Wife.
Governor Dix. at a dinner in Albany, said
of a dif appointed political worker:
"U made the mistake of taking hi
leaders' promltes literally He was like
the puzzled -joung wife who said! --.
" I always understood that George wa
very fond of th turf, and vet. all .ummer
long. I haven t been abl w gt him to
touch th lawnmower.' "
Nature's W Economy.
"Nature knew what she was dn, when
the deprived fishes of a voice
How do you work that out'"
"What If a fish had to csckle over .verv
egg it lald?"-Toldo Blad