1
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THE BFE: OMAHA, SATURDAY, JULY 22, 1011.
s 19
L 1LJSL
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The BEES cJum'opEtirIidayBoak
Told by tho Troubled Tourist
U
ffllkllifek&i
"Noticing wht nitty burglar you hav
In sous city,' l'v about decided to bang up
all my valuables where they will be out
of rHui," declared the Troubled Tourist a
he glanoed apprehensively at his watch.
"Out la the-country, If any of the gentle
manly highwaymen wish to pass among you
with tho hat, they Just reach out and take
whit cornea handiest,
'"Hr your accomplished bandit first lo
cate Ms loot, then backs off a couple of
blocks and builds a subway to It, like those
gifted erscknmen who burrowed through a
couple of walls the other day to get at a
safe.
"I'm afraid even to hang up my watch
for fear some Dick Turpln will take an
aeroplane and get It: If I keep It with me,
one of the ataalthy gentry might come
around In the night with an axe and chop
ia way Into It. Your gentlemanly burglar
nowadays prefer to do th Job with an
axe and a steam drill.
'Prom .the way. those fellows went about
It the other night, apparently the most ap
proved modern method of approaching a
as fe filled with valuables Is to locate the
treasure receptacle somewhere on th
nineteenth floor and then get a permit to
open the street,
"They'll probably get th art of burglar
ious excavation down to so fine a point
so In that well see In the Burglars' ni
Weekjy Bugle an Item something like
this:,, . . .
" 'Dynamite iJlnney. after a week of
steady work,, hits completed hla new tun
nl through three floors and a wall, an.
Invite alt hlu friend to the opening to
morrow rTKht. ' rirlng your hand drills an
don't forget your kid gloves.'
"There, was a time when a single barreled
f crowbar -va th only baggage carried on
A juch occasions, but now It takes a six
cylinder! touring car and a couple of
t alligator hide suitcases. If the safe can't
,.( opened on th premises, swing a dlrl
k k 1ble balloon up to the . window . and cart
tl ft i treasure chest off to th nearest black-
"liOut re my country they prefer to explore
w- iVaoretta's Looking Glass-Held Up to Girl Who
. .
l ii ii i i i i pshih hi nwiBw.Bi.wi i.i ,.. I hum Hiiiliiir i i nl
I
"Th IdeaVf bhe jealous! Just because
he I plain! ..and tacky she Want other
w omen to look that way I How absurd for
' re to) try-to regulate dres width and
wash' off make-up! If Just too" Illy!'! '
Why Is It silly, Miss Fashionable Frjvol?
W hat would you do If a bad smell kept
coming lo your nostrils? Wouldn't you
try to trace It tb Its sourc and get rid of
thd cause?
What If this new KnglUh queen smells
the' putrid Immorality of which vulgarity In
Ndrex and dishonestly In toilet are signs?
Is eh wrong to endeavor to fumigate her
own atmosphere"? " '
If 'she beHeves as a' good many other
Sqmen do without being able to express It
-that too much time and money are spent
In appealing to th sense while the ways
and mean to reach and elevate the souls of
men are neglected, I there not something
of the heroin In her deliberate effort to
do what she thinks right and good for her
iown in ind her social world In spite of
he sputtering and carping of girl and
women-of your kind?
Th day. of war with weapons Is nearly
done. But there la need for Joan of Area
who can wage. womanly war against
subtler Soe than those, who -wore chain
armor.,..! am uot: crazy about queen my-
IV vi"
How to Train a Wife
"K'o," sal th i'on(irmd Commuter
III ml ; "you women net no blase, th ex
traordinary bM-omc ho matter-of-fact to
you the criminal grown to commonplace,
tl-ut you hardly know what genuine un
SuphwOoation is... Why, you muotn t think
of talifi.u' a little fcirl frum th country
ai'oiiuil to th oof gardens, or any x
i'fl't th safest mualcal shows. She will
want to see tit Aquarium, the Museum of
Lt,.,,us Natural Ulttory museum"
't,li Hopeful Housewife glanoed firmly
at th Confirmed Commuter, a though to
aupiiteas an upiUIng in advance.
".We're going to see th Herodlai
dance!" ,
Hut the Confirmed Commuter was not to
b suppressed.
vrou will not do anything ot the kind!"
ha-: declared, heatedly. "You don't know
wha th effect ot such an exhibition on a
young1 and Inexperienced girl might be."
i"WH.'" sold his wife, rentgnedly, "you
know my Ideas on that subject too wall
fur n to go Into them again. Hut I warn
you that it any trip ot an Improving na
ture ar to be made, I'll hav a headache
or something, and you'll hav to take
Umlly around to museums yourself."
The- earn vsniog Emily arrived.'
Th Hopeful Houaewtf bad never seen
, her -before.' and was highly gratified at
the smart, almost metropolitan appearanc
of th young girl.
The ' Confirmed Commuter,' who must
have expected a Maud Muller vision of
simplicity, seemed rather daxed by th
big hat, elaborate colffuro and striking
gown of his country cousin.
During dinner that evening th subject
ut her guest's, entertainment waa broached
tactfuly to the host.
"1 haven't a" bleaaed thing to do this
week but te: tea you around." th Hope
1I Housewife began, "and I want you to
Ciel in Just vwht places and thing in
.Xew York yea would like to ."
The eye of the visitor parkld antlct-
patingly, 'but a natural shyness la th
1 rexe'nee of 'this MWly met relative held
lie r back.
'"Oil, anything you and Cousin Jack ar
rapg will be perfectly lovely,' she gor-
)gled. politely, "You don't know how I
bave looked' forward . Ut this wonderful
Tli Confirmed Commuter smiled his
gratification at this simple, almost buoollo.
V wUh. '
'ure we'll buy yea all the pest ear4a
0i
7
a saf barehanded, and It doesn't matter
whether th explorer wears a sweater or a
linen duster; but here he's got to wear a
frock coat and a silk hat In order to lend
11'iilty to the Job. That Is. he's got to
wear them If It's an early morning affair.
I understand one of the cleverest of the
hole band was put out of the Burglar'
lub recently for a gross breach of etl
iiiette." "He opened a safe in evening dress before
'clock at night."
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'Sweeping'
Mrs. M. K. Wllklns Freeman, th nov
elist,' entertained a delighted group - of
school children with a witty talk on hu
mility and usefulness.
'.Porae girls," the. address concluded,
"can sweep Into a room with great majesty
and statellnesa, but when It come . to
weeping out a room ah, that' a different
tory." ; '
kelf. I ardently advocate a government
that needs no crowned head to represent It
But I am. . wholeaouledly glad that an
woman In commanding; position I standing
up positively for duCeaey. n- clothes -and
matinirs;",", " - -
Mis Fashionable FrlvcVyou get terribly
mixed up in your thoughts; and your
clothes and your complexion shoav It. You
get to thinking that a girl has to win lov.
to gain a husband, through the attraction
that her physical beauty offers. So, you
turn yourself Into a slavish "copy tall!"
You model your clothes and your conduct
after the garments and manners of th
women ot the half wtrld and th women of
the stage. And not the aotrasse who rep
resent th very best of th dramatlo art.
either!
Isn't it expecting a rather too high de
gree of divination on th part of man for
you to Wear your dress cut down and your
skirt cut In and out to- reveal every con
tour and still b regarded a pure-minded
and womanly? It's so old that it ought to
be wrinkled; but it's no less true that
"action speak louder than words." With
your shouting of Indelicacy, of desire to be
a sensuous, rather than a soul, delight, of
total disregard for the finenesses of eon
duct and costume, is It any wonder that
most men take you at your physical word?
j
In town tomorrow," he exclaimed, -"i
thought maybe you'd Ilk to tak ln th
Aquarium In th morning, hav lunch
aomowhere, and perhaps get. your flrt
peep at th Natural History museum In
th afternoon. How does that strike you? '
rrom the frank bewilderment of Cousin
Emily's countenance it might hav been
surmised that the Confirmed Commuter's
program had struck her la the solar plexus.
"Lovely! lovIy!" she gasped, faintly.
And then the Hopeful Housewife cam
to the rescue.
"I know Emily doesn't want to go to all
those stupid, instructive plaeea," ne said,
"and I hats them, too! Tell me, dear,"
she added, "what I th place or thing In
New York you want moat to see, and we'll
go there today."
Cousin Emily blushed, giggled, and finally
th courage of despair urged her to speak
from th heart.
"Oh. I suppos you'll think I'm craiy and
silly and terribly wicked," she said, "but
could we do you think our paper hav
had o much about it, you know, aad I
promised the girl before X cam I'd
writ them a full description I mean
that girl that thatwears nothing but a
snake and some gause you know the
Herodla dance!"
Healthy, Normal Baby
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Weigh seven and one-half pound when
born, la plump and firm.
Gains, after th first' tea days, for five
months, a dally average of a little, lees
than one ounce.
Gains for th remainder of th Tret
year from one-third to two-third eunc
dally. .
Gain from five to six pounds during:
th cond year.
Gains four and one-half pounds during
th third year.
Should sleep on an average of twenty,
two hours a day for th first ' three
months, after that from twelve to four-
Should alt alone whan I months old aad
have tint teoth.
Should walk at tb age of 1 year.
Should laereaae steadily la weight.
Tkr Mark f Jma.
"I bear branded on my body th mark of
Jesus." Ual. 8:17.
Paul's scars were the credential that he
was Christ's servant. II had preached
and organised churchea In Oalatia. In hla
absence false and Jealous teachers came
from Judea and told the Galatlan that
they had been Imposed upon, that Faul
waa do true apostle. They charged him
with, dishonesty, two-facednen and flat
tery In order to form a Pauline party
within th church. They denied to him
th authority of a real apostle, making
him an Imposter. Thus th churches were
troubled and scattered.
Paul, learning of ' the disaffection and
strife, hasten to write hi defense: "My
scar are my credentials." He had been
stoned once and dragged out and left for
dead, three times beaten with 'rods, five
times scourged with th "horrible flagel
lum," three time shipwrecked and many
tlmea Imprisoned. Just as a Slav owner
waa accustomed to burn the mark of hi
ownership into the body of hi Slav with
a red-hot branding iron, so Paul declare
that th scar of his wounds are unques
tioned proofs that hi authority to preach
la given by his Master, In whose servlo
he has received these mark.
His scars show his surrender and devo
tion to Jesus Christ. In his conversion on
the Damascus road hi first question was,
"Lord, what shall I do?" He had changed
masters In that soul-searching experience.
Henceforth to know and to do the will
of Christ were the paxslon of hla life.
"Immediately I conferred not with flesh
and blood." Christ was at th helm of
hi life. What need of other leadership?
H went nowhere except to preach Christ.
Stoning, scourging and prison cell could
not deter him. Gaping wounds and whit
and blue scars were hi eloquent certifi
cate of loyalty and lov to hla new found
Master. "Always bearing about In my
body th putting to death of Jeaua, that
th life also of Jsus may be manifested
In my body."
By hi constant exposure to death by
Sneers at Queen Mary f
If you Insist on advertising the charms
which make their appeal to the superficial
in mn you need not complain when they
take what, you offer and cant you aside
when they want something better and dif
ferent. You are one of the girls who as
pire to belong to the "swagger set." And
the sign of your membership in that Ideal
abusing, time-wasting crowd is the daring
indency of your clothes and your manners,
o smirched and smeared with cigarette
smoke and cocktail fumes that you ar
absolutely a caricature of a woman. There
Is Just enough of your original character
left to suggest th likeness.
Then; with a catty lack of perception.
you call a woman who dares to be what
she was meant to be, and to Insist that her
associates do not disgrace their sex. Jealous
because she Is plain. She is Jealous of
dignity, decency, delicacy, the great D. P.
D. degree which belong to womanhood.
(Copyright, 1911, by th N. Y. Herald Co.)
Wt1N A MANjT
t x c-th vu-r , ) ur r
, ,, if Book anTam. ft ; ( 5h-had 3om.
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RKV. J. HCOTT BBBmaOTjn,
Pastor Immanuel Uaptlat Church.
violence he waa following hla Master
through GethRemene to Calvary, and by
his constant deliverance from such death
tho unfailing power of the risen, loving
Christ waa shown forth to others. Jesus
Christ mad Paul Invulnerable "till his
work was don. H doe the sam today
for all who will absolutely surrender to
Him.
Paul' scar showed also Ms Master's
loyalty and faithfulness to Hla servant
"Scotty" Has New
"Scotty" of Death Valley fame, kas com
out of th desert again, it la said, and Is
once Snore making for New York, with, hla
pockets bulging with greenback. let him
come. New York needs the money,. . He'll
need more than pockets full of money to
see the wheels go around for any appre
ciable length of time In that city In th
present year of grace. There la some dif
ference, as every New Yorker will tell you.
In the cost of living now compared with
the ay years ago when the picturesque
"Hootty" blew Into town on a special.
With Ice as costly a diamonds, lobster
worth their weight In gold, taxteabs only
used by millionaires snd the price of a
square meal taking the major part of "a
year's salary, and a few games running
quietly here and there, Mr. Boott will
sprely need all the alfalfa that he can
scrap together If he wishes to get be
hind the scenes. If he Is as wis as hi
critic say he Is, let him keep above the
dead line of the financial district It Is so
long since the majority of those whose
habitat is Wall street have seen real, sure
Faul ha given himvrlf to Jesus Christ.
There Is no reservation; all belong to
Him. Jesus Christ Is master and owner
now and henceforth. And eternal, diVln
lov can be trusted with Its own. Th
Divine ' Shepherd loves, cleanse, mark,
own, guard and feeds HI sheep. He
know them by name. He lay down Hi
life for them. No power can pluck them
out of Hi hand. He keeps them. "Hands
oft! My mark I on tny own!" Paul's
brandmarks were Christ' sworn declara
tion of ownership and protection.
With such, a vision of his Master and
such a living Inner experience of His mas
terfleld presence, everything else In Faul
life fell Into th background. Birth, fam
ily, patrimony,' reputation "All these I
count a refuse that I may gain Christ
and be found in Him."
This experience and surrender ar th
ground of Paul' Invincible courage and
splendid enthusiasm to conquer the world.
He waa not satisfied with a personal sal
vation. Religion waa not a passport to
heaven merely. Th ordinance to him
war not premiums In a Ufa Insurance
policy. Th church was not a fire escape.
II had met the Son of nod face to face.
He had fellow shipped with the Prince of
Heaven. He had sworn undying allegiance
to the King of Kings, who was also th
llf giver and the truth revealor. And
this Jesus Christ had chosen him. called
him, accepted him, branded him and sent
him forth to conquer the world. Why
should be not follow Him? And why
should not we?
If Jesua Christ Is a ninn
And only a man I say
That of all mankind I cleave to Him,
And to Him will I cleave alway.
If Jesu Christ Is a Ood
And the onlv Ood I swear
I will follow Illm through heaven and hell,
The earth, th ea and th air.
Who ha taught u that the way to
serve God 1 to erve our fellow men, that
service to our fellowmen apells aerlflo,
and that th spirit ot sacrifice I found
by taking Into our live "Him who gav
Himself for us."
"Roll" for Old Role.
enough money that "Scotty's" saddle bags
would be rifled in a Jiffy. He would be
lucky If they left him hi cowhide boots
and sombrero.
It Is said he has soma mines to sell.
Poor "Scotty." There are more mines
owned In New York today than you could
shake several sticks at. "Scotty" trying
to sell mining shares In New York would
be like taking coal to Newcastle. Nothing
doing In the mine stuff, partner. If you've
got money to spend this Is the time and
the place and yes and you'll also find
several certain parties who make up the
"CCOTTY" ANO
7 HIS "ROLL
j approacmeth!
trilogy of the song. If "Scotty" comes to
New York with a "Scotty" roll on a
"Scotty" special, it Is the one best bet
that he will return to his desert in a
freight car.
Welcome, Mr. Scott of Death Valley, to
New York.
II Ut err aad Shoes.
Th Customer "I think these Louis XV
heel are too high. Give me a slie smaller,
please or perhaps Louis XIII, even would
be high enough." Tatler.
MARRIED
This is (he
. t "a ' i
' ".
22, 1911.
July
Name and Address.
Margaret Anderson, 2521 Ohio St
Theresa Fieres, Kleventh and Paul Sta
Dorothy Boggs, 640 South Twenty-fifth Ave..
Lulu Bland. 1954 South Twelfth St
Frances Bollard, 2115 Sherman Ave
Trances Carlson, 2726 Burdette St...
Ruth Caughlln, 6123 North Seventeenth St..
Dorothy Craig, 846 South Twenty-fourth St..
Ruth Oarlberg, 1008 Routh Thirty-eighth Ave
Nina O'Donnell, 1336 Ogden St
Wllma W. Damon, 8324 Hamilton St......
Bertrand DUlard, 422 South Twenty-fourth St
Jennlo Friedman. 2010 North Twentieth St. .
Mary Frltscher, 2224 Cbarjea St
John Fife, 3822 Wright St
Bradley Field, 2808 Cass St.
M. Gertrude Green, 1023 Georgia Ave
William, Austin Guild, 1335 8outh Thirty-fifth
Joseph Gorman, 2009 FaclQc St
Willa C. Hanger, 422 North Seventeenth St..
Ruth Hawkinson, 3633 Hawthorne Ave
James Henderson, 108 South Twenty-eighth St
Frances K. Hart, 2314 North Twenty-seventh
John W. I nit ester, 1615 Georgia Ave
Channlng Jordan, 1115 South Thirty-third St
Pearl Johnson, 2920 South Twentieth St....
Eugene Lawuon, 3221 Harney St
Otto Llckert, 4615 Charles St
Edna Leldy, 4706, North Twenty-ninth
Elsa K. Larson, 1905 Georgia Ave
Robert P. Mickel, 2819 Cauitol Ave
Harold Mcintosh, 2028 Pierce St...
Flora Messlck, 1536 South Twenty-eighth
Frances Mancuss. 2221 Pacific St
Ilean Moore, 3935 North Twenty-second
Carl J. Olson, 1218 South Twenty-soventh st
Nina O'Donnell, 1336 Ogden St
Earl Peterson, 3614 Decatur St
Ruth C. Peterson. 3316 Snaldlng St
Dorothy Penkerton, 2564 Meredith Ave
Arthur R. Ralston, Revard Hotel, 1810
Lawrence Rieper, 124 South, Sixteenth
Florence, Simpson. 2609 Bristol St
Monte A. Smith, 2564 Manderson St.-
Walter O. 8helly, 4012 Parker St
Margaret 8argent, 414 South Twenty-ninth St
Ruth A. Thompson, 2924 North Sixteenth St
Alice L. Warner, 6921 North Thirty-fourth St
Florence Welch, 8012 Oak St
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Fair Ladies of the
While Andrew Johnsow was president his
wife was the nominal mistress of the
White House, although she appeared In so
cial life as little as possible, owing to deli
cate health. Her daughter Martha, wife
of Judge David T. Patterson, usually pre
sided at the White House In place of her
invalid mother.
Mrs. Johnson, whoae maiden name was
Kllsa McCardle, was born in Leesburg,
Washington county, Tennessee, October 4.
1810. Khe died In Home, Greene county,
Tennessee, on January 15, 1S78.
When she married Andrew Johnson, on
May 87, KM, Eliza MoCardla, the daughtet
of a widow in Greenville, Tenn., was only
16 year old and her husband not yet a.
The young wife helped her ambitious
husband to acquire his education. She
seconded his every effort and furthered
his progress as alderman, mayor, senator
and governor. When he became vice presi
dent her health waa broken, but she was
still an Indomitable spirit.
Mrs. Johnson, while in tho White House
was described by a Washington corre
spondent in this way:
"Mrs. Johnson, a confirmed invalid, ha
never appeared In oclety in Washington.
Kansas Thrilled Anew
Editor of Th Be Munln. p.... m..
assertion of your Interesting correspondent
Itaac of Ash Creek, that he has a heii
with brains to think and plan, is not so
strange as mignt at nrst appear. Just
now the usually quiet and sedate state of
Kansas Is stirred mightily by a discussion
on this same subject; and It Is known that
anything having th power to stir Kan
sas must be strong.
During a recent trip I learned that a
student of the Kansas university who has
quit study in class to Indulge In poultry
raising has announced the conclusion,
reached from a cioae study of hens, that
"the ben has sense." His thesis to bark
up th assertion has put many a lethargic
Kansan Into the humor that made the
state famous when Mary Ellen Lease, "Old
Man" Peffer and Jeremiah, yie barefoot
prophet, were wracking William Allen
White's youthful soul. Not only does the
student Investigator assert that the hen
can think, but that she is now reducing
the size of ber egg (in Kansas) to corre
spand with th general trend compelling
peopl to live high, whether they will or
no. And If that la so, surely w must
awe, as on editor puts It, that th actios)
of th Kansas bens I In Una with th
best commercial expression of our time.
One enthusiastic Kansan. who claimed to
know from personal observation that tb
startling announcement of th hen Investi
gator la right, went so far as to say to ms
that Fred Cobum, the Alfalfa Philosopher,
had brought th Kansas hens to their
present attitude of Independence by his
boasting of their ability and great Im
portance to th state. Whether this be
true or not, Kansas controversialists, of
whom there ar a few In th state, hav
a nw brain thunderstorm working on their
strident mentality. It Is a- ' ry
and eggs ar more p ;... ,.,.i b.. ,
(:ms - o
4.1 South Twenty fourih.
RrhooL , Year.
Lake ....... 1961
Cass .mi
Mason ....1901
Lincoln 1816
HtKh 18M
Long ............1961
Saratoga ;18I7
Mason 1902
Columbian , 1001
Sherman 1902
High .'1818
Central 1906
Lak 1891
Kellom 1904
Windsor . . . . . , . ..1904
Webster 1899
High ......1898
Park .1908
Park 1898
Kellom 1898
Franklin .' 1898
Pftclfic ......... .1898
Long ......... ,.1908
Park ., 1904
Park 1897
Vinton 1897
Farnam 1904
Ave. '.
St
.
Walnut Hill 1901
St....
Lothrop
.1896
High ..
Farnam
Mason .
Park . .
Mason .
1891
1905
1908
1903
St..
1906
1904
St..
Lothrop
Mason . . . , 1899
Sherman ........1902
Franklin ....... .1900
Druid Hill.... ,,,.1901
Saratoga 1905
am St. High 1894
Leavenworth 1904
Lothrop .1399
. . . . . . Lothrop 1905
Walnut Hill. ..... 1906
.Farnam .,..1903
,4 Farn
St....
. Lothrop .1898
Monmouth Park. ..1894
, Windsor ..1899
White House
t-'V; vVT v--v '
Her very existence Is a myth to almost
everyone. Bhe was last seen at a party
given to her grandchildren. Bhe was seated
In one of the republican court chair, a
dainty affair of satin and ebony. Bhe d)l
not rise when the children or old guests
were presented to her. Kb simply said.
'My dears, I am an invalid.' and hr sad.
pale face and sunken eyes fully proved th
expression."
J
tigers, for the time being. Whether the
hen can ever permanently dethrone the be
loved tiger In Kansas is still a moot ques
tion, with ths odds on the Jungle prowler.
And while I am on the topic of questions,
permit me to offer to Isaac an explanation
of his difficulty on Ash erek. Frogs
cannot well learn to wim on dry laad,
which I judge Is the condition of the creek
and ponds in hi neighborhood. When
frogs cannot swim they cannot grow-,
growth being the result of proper exercise.
Hence, It follow they cannot be fitted tor
market. A a remedy, I would vts
Planting them in a dug-out cava, and sav
them tor a tine In the streams-and In the
market, to be In style. Also, let m say,
I am surprised any man from Tarkio, Mo.,
should be puzcled by the idiosyncrasies of
frogs, since the denizens of that section
of our great country runs to legs
naturally. JOJ5 BUBIt
Strawberry, Kan. ,
,
Maine Modesty
J
It wa an Ideal searoast town of Maine
to which they had fled for a lasy two)
wek, that they found him, on of these,
"natives" with a large stock of undo
veloped wit.
They wer out gunning on day, w1tl
the "native" as their guide. A flock ol
five birds flew over. Raising bis gun, be
took aim and fired. All flv fell to the
arth, and they wer loud la their praise
of his skill. ,
That ain't nothln'," said be. eon
tamptuously. "If I'd hti qiy other guif
".ung i d v dou better than that."-.
-.rc; ....
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