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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (June 5, 1911)
THE BET!: OMAHA', MONDAY, JUNE 5, 1911. rrhe gee'8 Macf a 2,1 The BEES Junior BipadarBook Lay of the Hotel Lobbyist J e "Those Hindu Yogles, or Teggs, or what ever tho plural l, .certainly know how to 'con' tho wealthy women, eh?" suggested the Chair Warmer. "Referring to the Ole Bull 'con'?" In- squired the Hotel lobbyist "I ran tell by your tone that you re one or those oouDt ra wbo never will have a Bnsslma canal Dot even In 1S1&, or whatever the latent date set la. You apparently don't believe much In what Rudyard Kipling so poetic ally called 'Fakes from somewhere east of ftues, where the best la like the wurat,' meaning they were Coney Island red hots. "I suppose you don't believe you can get la touoh with the higher life by breathing violently through the left nostril and ex haling through-, the ' right; probably you prefer the good otd 'American habit of breathing through your mouth. N evert he lesa, I havei. seen you blowing smoke through one nostril at a time and gaslng at the result la ti appreciative manner, whloh IndloatedXyou were rather blissful. And dgara are Indian magic So are ou pons. ..' "Possibly' yeu don't -approve of placing offeringsof rait-add flowers; but where. In thee days when nobody will take walk ing easrclses, wilt you. get fatted calves T The 'gentleman, oh the left saya the sum mer shows are now opening. Righto. But, of course, you can't see any use In scouring the furniture with gasoline to remove evil spirits and then parading through the house with lighted candles; but possibly you ars In the fire Insurance business. "At the same time some New York woman cornea oat with a color scheme, telling just why a girl with a blue aura ahould not marry a man whose aura la redand the same goes for his nose. And there are the annual militant ladles wbo oamp on the lawn to prevent the telephone ompanlea from planting poles, while the woman mayor of that Kansas town la having her own troubles trying to run the Job. Jonah, Annanlaa, Sapphire, and others "have been discredited and aeveral people are seriously discussing If guilt should be personal. "It's the silly Season, old top, and the newspapers have to cater to the light reader. Tou may be among the highbrows who speak scornfully of the meek editors for playing up such Junk, but I'll bet you read, every word of it, while you can't re peat the first stansa of the supreme court deotnlon and I 'don't blame you. There comes a time in the affairs of . jn r hlr 1 001 ' J be! en once a year. In fact when you can't hire people to read serious stuff. The coronation Is always set for summer time. so as to accommodate this great clasa. I'll bet you won't let a syllable of that get away from yeu. Tou read all about the Chicago school girls being taught to flip f ;Loretta's Looking "It takes mors than one swallow" "To kUl a roosterr tho bachelor Inter tttpted. . "No, airl To prove; that all women are xootlahr I asserted Vindictively. Trhen, here's swallow No. 2. This one want down hard!" he said, with a chuckle that was Juicily enjoying. "Another man I know married a wife. She had recurrent foolish streaks, too. Bho moved the furniture," he said, as If (Mie fact were prima facie of the debili tated state of the wife's common sense. "Why, I can't see" . "Of course, yon can't being a woman! Anyway, It's an occasion for feeling feeling bad! My friend would be a bit consoled If I could avenge his sufferings by making a woman have a twinge. Tou see, his wife', In that wild craving for change which looks' like the bubbles In buttemrilk, '.was always putting the side board 1 where the' big . chair was. Hhe shifted ihe table from the middle of the room and' left the four corners of the V chandelier ekposed for neatly puncturing f his unwary head,. She always said she was sorry wnue sne aaooea pe peroxiae on ne wound. Hut she , never cured the cause of his continued sufferings. "Occasionally, when she was violent (he moved one room out end .the other one in. Ills chiffonier skipped across his bedroom and took up Its station In the opposite corner, and he ambled up to the shaving case with whloh It had dos-a-dosed ana' tried to pick grapes from thistles. In other words, - he frit ' for a handkerchief and pulled a'rasor. ' "Tou women are always talking about the strenuous efforts you have to make to keep a man's love. What In thunder posveeses you to force him to a continual getting acquainted with his own house? And why do you always 'tidy up' his things In your wayT" "But about thr lady who was a kind of furniture van?" I queried. "One hot evening we were sitting on the town; and another bachelor and I were Just beginning to think that it was pretty nice OKB BETTER. those win was , . . .., 1 Ti (4. 51 ., .. f W "Say. is the sas eg issfgnsos- TOOL ' street cars and Hankering to hang around while the leesons were In progress. Tou sneered at that professor who advocated courses In kissing and bugging, and then read carefully to see at what age they barred, the post graduate classes. You like your silly, seasoning spicy, but yon object to the chutney, sauce." "What's chutney sauce?" asked the Chair Warmer. "The East Indian dressing," said the Hotel Lobbyist. (Copyright. 1911. by New Tork Herald Co.) A Puml4 Better. One man would have it that a eoltte. Is the moat sagacious of dogs, while the other stood up for the setter. "1 ones owned a setter," declared the Tatter, "whloh was very Intelligent. I had him on the street one day, and be acted so queerly about a certain -roan we met that I asked the man hia name, and'' "Oh, that's an old story!" the collie's ad meats broke In aneertngly. "The man's name was Partridge, of course, and be oause of that the dog eame to a set. Ho, hoi Come again!" "Tou're mistaken," rejoined the other suavely. "The dog didn't come quite to a set, though almost As a matter of fact, It he man's name was Quayle, and the dog hesitated on account of the spelling!" Liv Nrinoott's. The Modern Way. "Yes; I had ten children. They all grew up and married off." "I suppose it is lonesome now at hornet" "Oh, no. Every once in a white one of them gets a divorce and wandsrs back." Washington Herald. Glass - Held Up With Bache lor's Assistance after all to have a bright, freshly gownec little wife to serve lemonade and look' pleasant Tou see, that woman was pull ing the wool ever our eyes In great snap when her husband peelecl it off at a Jerk. "He had gone to bis room for some ci gars. The windows were Just above u. A wild howJ came from them. Then, there rained upon us a downpour of the moat diverse and dynamic swear words It has ever been my lot to hear. The cool, com fortable, lemonade-serving wife dropped the pitcher, Oh, mercy! I moved the bed!' "Her husband had moved It more. We found him burled under the four posts, wrapped In the flounces, and mad! We dug him oat. He had met the bed half- -A Modern Life Maxima J Possession Is as good as a title. Penny wisdom and pound folly. A thief thinks every man steals. A good swordsman never quarrels. One foot Is better than two stilts. Pear Is cheap, and cheap la dear. Children are the riches of tbs poor. Pilgrims seldom come home saints. Better keep peace than make peace. Believe a boaster as you would a liar. A barking dog was never a good hunter. What the eye seea not the heart rues not. r Popular Fallacies J That to stop a clock means death. That to spill table salt means a fight That ocean waves are a high as moun tains. That to dream of death means you'll get money. That a eccentric. great man must ' aeoesarily be That a professional life is all fun. base bail player's That an Itching palm ceipt of money. presage the re- That a chicken lays an egg nearly every day in the year. That luck contributes more than hard work. to success What is Inspiration T Author It's a sudden desire to buckle down to work Boston Transcript COmtE. OREEZIE -ZEPHYR- -QASWAY- Aw HIO-H CLASS 10 KOOM APARTMENT rW4, NOTHING 9uT TM' BESTll I johm; CAU. " ' ''(a' p f?Rcwi th iriTRusionifi how,ip ydu oontcomb HaTAIftBUTT HAVE OME S ACROSS WITH THIS TrVO MONTHS BACK . . 4 10,000. ApAcrriENT (v?) fgeMT.yvtiY.ouT ye qo?l , 1 (Q - J way up to his shins. And he was Its! You wouldn't believe that one mahogany bed could do so many things to a man. He was in a plaster cat for months!' "Goodness! that must have cured her!" I cried. "She didn't have to wear it! That's thi devil of being married. A man's alwayv paying for his wife's clothes and her fol lies!" Hi ft I S A NICE KCJUAXSE MY SPLtCH TO KB deliver en BfFOrtE THE (.HTM (runlLAl EQUITY. KFMRIUS ON THf TtkHCITY or tLUNt I 2- I I REPEAT IT f WHERE is thf vnajr.9 Can You 0. Have you any superstitions about riding on car No. 463? Or oa' No. 733, or car No. 81ST Some people 'h'-,, They will let a car go by them that mas ta 'IS" In It anywhere. It the number's added together total "13" they refuse to'rlde upon It. Street car conductors who have been long In the service know most of the supersti tions and eccentricities' of the street car riding public. They can only awear under their breath when they encounter a be liever in some one of the many supersti tions. Some of them are superstitious themselves. When two accidents happen on any stretch of track within a couple of blocks many of the motormen firmly be lieve that there will be a third catastrophe, No motorman really likes to see a cat dart across in front of his car, or dash like a furry streak up the track in the glow of his headlight. A blacli cat Is considered by far the most ominous of those members of the feline tribe that are lured out on the tracks. No one likes to move forward In a a0 KITTENS. IT &VE$ ME UNTOLD TO RrPfHR , - T0mGHT. I WITHDRAW IRST QUESTION VYHEHE JS THE STlNCl 7Tssrsr OF DEATH FOR US 0FjJA pm&XT'' THE AINE- V " K, This? crowded, car. There may be plenty , of room In front, but the conduetor has to shout his requests to movs forward sev eral times before they are ever obeyed. The crowd ike to stick near ths entrance, In spite of ths fact that the' passengers who get on and off must perforce Jostle them and step on their , toes as they pass In and out of the oar. Many, of these strap-hangers will work their way the length of the conveyance when they start to get off and finally alight at the front end. No one has ever found a logical rea son for this atribute of humanity. Many fat men have a fixed habit of In sisting on standing with their backs against the rear of the conductor's cage. Their bulk blocks the entrance and a part of the exit. They take every Jostling they get becauae of this as a personal affront, Nothing moves them, however, until they are ready to alight. Abyssinia was converted to Christianity In the fourth century. The country has now over 12,000 monks. THAT Z V V K I ? r 6-jsa, i ' v V " GEOROK TH ACKER, M0 Lake 8t. Name and Addreo. Anna Anhensen, 815 North Twenty-seventh Ave... Ardath I. Cooly, 1616 California St Inez Castherg, 2868 Bristol St Mable L. Fisher, 3171 rand Ave Hubert Glasgow, 8816 Ames Ave Helen M. Gould, 908 South Thirty-fifth David Gross, 110 North Thirteenth St Emily Helnzle, 516 North Twenty-third St Eugene D. Hempel, 2515 Davenport St Mildred Hlrnbloora, 1818 North Twenty-eighth St.. Laurie Hibbs, 1517 South Thirty-third Myrtle Johnson, 310 Bancroft St James C. Jewell, 3930 North Twenty-second St Alice 6. Kleffner, 2956 Martha St Helen Kleburg, 3216 Corby St Eleanor Kernlngham, 1541 South Twenty-sixth St. Lillian Kriss, 620 Hickory St Halley F. Lunsford, 2203 North Nineteenth St Roy Lear, 4703 North Fortieth Ave Luella Lockwood, 2554 Manderson St Beatrice Lewis, 424 Martha St Rose Lindley, 404 Center St Jennie Lrinardo, 1030 South Twenty-second Cecelia M. Meyer, 3122 Miami 8t Verne MacAuley, 2705 Dewey Ave. Mabel A. Martin, 1607 North twenty-ninth St Freidman Meyer, 1938 South Tenth St William Delos Miller, 113 4 South Thirty Azelma Overman, 1811 Emmet St Hazel E. Payne, 1920 North Thirty-sixth Vera Parker, 2608 Decatur St Leroy Petersen, 611 South Twenty-sixth Myrtle Reinhardt, 2130 South Thirty-third St Rozella Swenson, 3624 Hawthorne Ave Alice Seger, 2912 South Seventeenth St Emily C. Stone, 2608 North Thirty-third St Inez Stoner, 1428 North Twentieth St Charles Strohbeen, 1004 North Forty-seventh Ave. Russell E. Snygg, 3636 Hamilton St Helen Turpln, 2512 St. Mary's Ave. f Tabloid History Renlamln Harrison, the twenty-third president of the United Statea. was born In North Bend, O., on August 23. 1833, and died of pneumonia on March 13, 1901, at Indianapolis. He was a grandson of William Henry Harrison, the ninth president. His great grandfather, after whom he was namea, was one of the signers of the declaration of Independence and one of the seven dele gates from Virginia to the congress wnicn made that declaration. The younger Harriaon was educated in a log school house and worked on his father's farm. At IS he went to Farmers (now Belmont) college and two yeara later to Miami university, where he met Miss Caroline L. Scott, who became his wife before he had attained his majority and while he was still a law student. In 18M he began the practice of law In IndianaDolis. where his ability presently brought him to favorable public notice and Where he took up permanent residence, in It) he became conspicuous as a republican In Indiana politics. When the civil war broke out he enlisted as second lieutenant and after excellent service was brevetted brigadier general of volunteers. He returned to a career of law and poli tics and from 1881 until 1S87 served as state senator, where he soon became s leading debater. When the republican Blue Monday The term Blue Monday was derived from a custom, prevalent In the sixteenth cen tury, of decorating the churches in Europe with blue colors on the Monday before Lent The fashion of making a holiday of this particular Monday, especially for those whose vocations compelled them to work on Sunday, was subsequently transferred to all Mondays. Excesses produced by the celebration resulted In stringent enact ments on the subject, and finally the cus tom was abolished. One tradition has It that the name orig inated from the Monday holiday revels, whirb generally left blue marks uton the faces of quarrelsome persons. Nothlnar New. mated by the following batch taken from the Boston Sunday Herald of April 28, 1863; A man noted for Imperturbability and a scolding wife was stopped in the woods one night by a pretended ghost. He only said: "I can't stop, my friend; if you are a man I must request you to get out of my way and let me pass; If you are the devil, come along and take supper; I married your sister!" Muggins, seeing a dead dogl in the ditch, stopped and. after gaslng Intently, said to. his companion, "Another ship wreck," "WhereT" "There lies a bark that la lost forever." His companion growled and navigated on. A servant girl, who was employed to pick ber master's cabbages, took the op portunlty to cabbage her master's pickles. She Is the same one who was happy and Antiquity of the Joke can be partly estl careless when she was young, and cappy and hairless when she was old. Conscript fathera men of family drafted under the new law. New Tork Telegram. Practical Deflaltlosi. There Is only one thing that a young fel low hates worse than being kept In the I house at night, and that Is not being kept In bed in the morning. This is (he Day We Celebrate June 5, 1911. School. . Ver. .Central 1894 .Cass ...1903 . High 1893 . Monmouth Park ..1903 , Central Park . . . ..1904 .Columbian ...... .1903 .Cass ....190B . Central 4 ....1891 . Central 189t . Lcthrop 190S rPark . . . .1904 .Bancroft 18)7 . Saratoga 1905 . Dupont 1901 .Howard Kennedy. .1904 . Park ..1906 . Train .1909 . Lake 1906 Central Park . ... 1901 , Lothrop - . ..1903 .Train ..1901 .Train 1903 . Mason 1904 .Howard Kennedy ..1900 , Farnam . 1904 , Long .4899 . Lincoln .1904 .Park ..1903 . High ..1896 .Franklin ....... .1894 .Long 1905 .Mason ;..1897 .Windsor ......... 1898 . Franklin , . . . . .1901 . Castellar ........1902 . Howard Kennedy. ,1903 . Kellom ...... ....1904 . Walnut. HM .... ..1905 .Walnut Hill ...,;.1909 .Mason .......... 1904 Ave St St... - second St. St St of : the Presidents ; r 71 -' 'St I Uv ff . V f . t -4 ) miss s WW' "' MhJsjfl leaders In 1888 nominated him for presi dent he made a campaign Journey of 10.001 miles In thirty-one days, making '140 ad dresses and not once deviating from the schedule. II served as president for ons term and, although renominated, lost the election to drover Cleveland, who had preceded him as the chief executive and now sue.oee4.e4 him. Upon his retirement he delivered a rourse of lectures on constitutional law at (.eland Stanford university In California. (Copyright 1911. by the N. Y. Herald Co.) Tobacco Tabooed Great medicinal value was claimed for tobacco when it first appeared In Europe, but soon thereafter Its use war condemned and severe punishment was meted out to offenders. In the early seventeenth century the noses of tobacco smokers In Huss wars cut off. About the same period Sultan Amuret IV of Turkey ordered that the pipes of am ott ers be thrust through their noses. King James I , of England Issued a "counterbalance to tobacco," In which he described Its use as a custom "loatheaomej to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful to ths brain, dangerous to the lungs, and ta the black, stinking fumes thereof nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoks of the pit that is bottomneas." A great liar has need of a' good memory. DBEP SR. VVkMJOM. "A worxajlfl irfie sand It worts) book."