, TinEE;MAnA, JTrFXYjfAY 23. 1911. , lt
' i V" : T 1 i i i
Serious History in Comic Vein
Captain
KM1.
I
The BEE'S Jumor BMhday Book
rrr -
w
J
s-
V
"According ' to the liit rMurni from
Pittsburg." remarked Bhow-M Pmlth. dls-
ttpeneer of natural and -unnatural history,
V'there I a gang of pirates operating In
Jihe outlying province.', but don't see no
Captain Kldds among m. Piracy don't
"seem to be mUrK of a paying business
jtiowadays. for this bunch haun t got nearly
I the percentage of general wickedness as
r'thet mild llttl crow from Quaker vllle
i Averages. "
I "I hate to -think that a man like Can Kldd
I would ' leave his home grounds and go
' founding pjrate bands In 'Pittsburg.
"Specially when little old New York did
ii him all the honor she-could as a hlgh-
hand'd-I mean, minded cltlsen. Tou see,,
Cap Kldd, when he was not out establish
I lng branches of -th Old Captain Kldd
Safety Popogit company, lived In the heart
of the financial district here, a very proper
location: .- .- v..
! "Ills other har'n was Pfli; so they called
Thla stret--William street, to show him
'' how much they appreciated his financial
operations.- I think thef fall Vrrf cours
ltW. but In Cuillln TtUI 'a. lima hv War
oops. ...
' "Although1 Captain Kldd was a high-seas
.Xlnanoler he was. always modest about It
and gave his -occupation, to the mercantile
latencies as planter.7 And he was cer
tainly some planter, too. He was that
fond of gardening he'd he up before day
light nearly every day. setting out a new
icrop of early, rose nuggets,
"He wasn't particular about his garden
patches either, but had 'em strung out all
kovr Manhattan and Long Island.
" 'Tou can- talk about your Carnegie
pibrarles,' said old Cap Kldd to himself,
dux i m Kumaj 10 -raise me linen crop 01
(Pirate stories out of them little garden
patches of mine you ever heard tell of.
They'll be sprouting for the next three
Convict No. 67,709 of Sing Kng prison,
sifter nine years service tn the library as
assistant, framed the following criticisms
; of some more or lees' popular books, using
;,yMson slang:
I "Eben Holden." Tap yarn. There's no
fltlck commg on this one.- It's straight dope
'from the drop of the hat.
'Caeear .Blrrotteau;"; Swell good a.' Bal
ac Is all to the mustard, whan it comes
o giving as a Una on the-doings In Glddy-
ourg. .; '
"Pere, Cforlot.." The. Balzao stable ' has
nothing but wlnrvers This one. la about an
old frog-eater, -who, white taking' life easy,
was bled froni the parlor to the garret
by a couple of flashy dames that belonged
to the family, 0tve this one the glad hand.
"Caiistw Pona.V Cast -your . glims over
this; twp old" guys Jn' thhT that ars classy...
It' an .up-to-tha-.ni1tut)i.scip that Baltao
Is In a class by himself."
"The Idiot." "A- House Boat on the
fltyx," "Tmyatsiite a-HouawHoat,"
"Mr. Uonapart -of Coralca,"" The) En
chanted. 'TypeWrrtor.L' ""Coffee, arid Repar
tee.". .Johnnie. ll)t th'iireute ;oame la
there rwlth- th -fun-feet- nd- sends over a
line ot funny bone ticklers that are hot and
CMap .froro Ih'e poppet."' " .'
Sentimental- Tommy,;'. VWhen a Man's
Single," "Two of Thenv"". "Auld Lleht
Idyie,"' "K Tinyloss Scandal," "The Llttl
Minister.'1 . "Margiret : Ogllvie." ." "Better
Dead," and "A Window in Thrums."
ticotch with the -mist and the burr stUl on
r
Long-Lived People
J
On August 6, J7TJ. Eleanor Splcer died. In
Baltimore. Md., aged m years.
Hugh Moran died In Dublin, Ireland, In
Ciptember, 1774, aged 113 years.
In March', -176. George Brown passed
paway, In East Greenwich, at the age of
:130 years.' .
It .was reported on May 10, 1774, that
i James McDonald, a mldent ot Cork. Ire
Hand, had died. at. the age ot 117 years.
peter Csartan, a . Hungarian peasant.
Y - - ...
j . Prison Critic of Books Gives Views J
5 A ho died, in 1771 was born In 187. He wia,
itherafore. IS? ' years' mid ' and had lived In
I , three different' centuries. '
I, . -v mmmmrn,
i On" February 1 ' 170, the New York
aiette and Weekly. Mercury announced
- lhe death of Thomas Cockley. 131 years
old. and Henry D. Araary de Fanoory, aged
year. :.
T"" Thomaa Parr died in London, England,
Wovembw li. 1535. He was 161 years old.
I First married at th age ot 80. he had two
children. ' After the death of his wife hs
I wedded again When 130.,
PUny, who 'lived tn tha first century,
gtva soma Instances of longevity taken
aoluaively - from the regioa between the
Apeanines and the Ps. as found In the!
aanaua Instituted by Vespasian. Within
ItbeM narrow limits h enumerate twenty
I persona who had reached the age of 126
years, forty 130 and thirty 14a '
GNXS WOUATTS WAt.
"You must love your husband
very much Mr. $mit. if you tava
all th ktlen h sends you whik
you're la Europe. .
Tn keeping tbem for oocnparV
too, my, dear- Tm ur,to catch
him la Uc"
1
"CAPTAIN JUDITH HAFETT DEPOSIT
VAULT."
hundred years and then some. I'm the
original rianter, I am.'
"Every time the Captain made a scoop
he planted a new garden, till he bad the
rent of the crowd crasy guessing what he
was getting at.
"Then, one day It leaked -out that the
garden patches were part of the good old
Captain's safety deposit vault system, and
after that there was a real estate boom
that shook the county. Everybody that
could staked out a claim, bought a pick
and shovel, and went to digging tike a
woodchuck. But they never found any
early rose ' nuggets. Every year, though,
there waa a nice, fresh crop of pirate
stories.
"Old Cap Kldd Just sat In his main of
fice, took In the royalties and laughed.
" 'QueM It's an even break,' says he.
'They're getting alt the fun and I'm get
ting all the advertising. Jenkins, scuttle
another ship.' " .
(Copyright, 1911, by the N. T. Herald Co.)
lt. Fairly good. "The Little Minister," is
the one beet bet .
"IiOve In Old Clothes." Bun can call the'
turn for quiet fun. Short stories that get
away with the decision. ' '"' "
"When Knighthood 'Wsi 'in rlower."' A
floaale piece of work about a bunch of
queens. The' main fairy Is a nifty bunch
of skirts. Ed has certainly made a home
run with bases full.
"The Pride of Jenntco." This Is all wool
and a yard wide. Don't fall to get next.
The castle stable has nothing In the
maiden class. ...
"Don. Quixote." Thla one grabs the cake.
CerVantes won by a' mile when he entered
the Don in the Literary, Handicap. About
an old guy 'with a screw loose, who. Vent
out to rescue distressed -.damsels, when
knighthood wasn't in flDWeri ' -
"Wormwood." Thla la a strong yard of a,
boose fighter with an abaUlthe yen-yen. He
oertainly was the original terrible example.
Get next to this live wire; if 11 o you good:
"WhilprgvllJe Utartea.', Wijt-n; ibl. r.lt'fl
too lddlah aad .nuts, no- lea, with yours
truly.1 ' v;; -.'"Tartarln
of .araacord 'AIphonMKeepf
them all guessing. He's onW'.piasa' when'
lt comes to slinging Ink.-Thla one's about
a very chesty French' hayseed who had-
swelled bean over. his. .ability 'as k. lion
hunter He got stung for keeps when he
started out to prove it,' but It shows how
a. four flusher, that hits "th pike. Can
make good If ha only keeps ' at It long
enough.
Glimpses at Celebrities
Marie Coreltl U a great student of Plato
and a constant reader of the Bible.'
ClaraBarton of the Bed Crose- laid out
the grounds of the National cemetery at
Anderaonvllle tn 1866. ...'. '
Chauooey M. Depew waa once given th
post of minister to Japan, but after carry
ing the commission th his pocket for a
month declined the office.
Honorable James Bryoe ia a mountain
climber and in 1909 was president of the
Alpine club. He is also a botanist.
Henry Watteraon, the Louisville Journal
let, tn the author of the phrase. "A tariff
for revenue only"; also "The star-eyed
goddess of reform."
Samuel Untenneyer. the New Tori law
yer. Is an art expert and owns on of the
most valuable collections of paintings in
America.
John W. Dates, the capitalist, made his
first fortune manufacturing . barbed wire
fencing.
Oscar Hammeratein, grand opera man
ager, has Invented and patented aumaroue
lavor-savlng devices.
Tow Uwion, the frencted financier, is
the author of "A History of the Republi
can Party." - . ,
Lote Fuller, the dancer, was formerly a
temperance lecturer.
George W. Cable, the novelist, has writ
ten under the nom de plums of "Drop
Rhof
Francis Wilson, the actor. Is a collector
of rare books, prints and manuscripts. His
father waa a.Quaker.
Walter Camp, famous aUilete and- writer
on athletlo subjects, la a clook manufac
turer during business hour.
Lily Langtry, the actreas, was made a
naturalised cltlsen of th United Btates at
Ran Francisco In 187.
William H. Crocker, leading banker ef
San Francisco, owns the moat extensive
collection of poetage stamps In the world
Rv. Charles H. Parkhurst is an authority
on Sanskrit and ha translated many rtan-
sklrt documents Into English. "
Thomaa Fortune Ryan, th financier, was
formerly In the dry goods business In Balti
more. , v
John Jaoeb Aator Is the Inventor of a
bicycle brake, a pneumat to road Improver
and other useful mechanisms.
Olga Nethersole, the actress, is a bonaniat
and dog fancier.
James J. Hill, th railroad magnate. Is
not a naUva of th United State, having
oeen born m Canada. ,
Honorable Whltelaw Held Is an authority
ea Talleyrand and has written an Introdoe-
Uoa to Talleyrand's memoirs.
nr. toyman Abbott Is a lawyer and is
still a member of the New Tork state bar
Joseph Pulliser. editor of th New Tort
World, la a lawyer and waa admitted to
praotic by the supreme court of atlsaourt
James Lane Allen, th novella, la a T-etln
cnoiar ana was at one time professor of
ltia at Bethany college. .
1
nen a mnsoo gape he snaps his
thumb snd finger and repeats th name of
some god. T neglect this Is a sla as great
a tbe murder of a Brahmin.
twiit. tni.
rfbel THIS TO MR PERKINS) x (TP0PCrE
t.'jr V ( BIRTHPAY PRESENT I L- MA. MY A fM THAT'S REAL
-yJy
( (U 0 SAME A? I OTsWl ' : r on"- JJ I SLitfa
HIMSOMETH.MGr sIIfF ' 71 Ul
lr j
I r 1 fTll 1 AMl IJ 11 (AHtatrscorrl II r Z
Z&wcaU Ljr "NJntLa RETURNS OF j T, M X.
, r ... 777 m i l$tt) thk jt, pa .) Igy'Fi
f
Loretta's Looking
Tou might have been anything from the
greatest living prima donna to - the most
marvelous modern painter according to
your own statement I never knew whether
to laugh or cry when I hear you talk or
Just get Tire-mad."
Tou do not know that It Is easy to talk
of the folly of yielding- to temptation be
cause you are hungry. Because you never
were hungry. Tou do not dream that it la
an evidence of le-noranoe on your part to
score those of your sex who have bartered
their reputations for a roof above their
heads. Because you never were: home
less. Tou have no idea that you turn to
gall all the sweetest of her small reward.
In the heart of the woman who I strug
gling to. succeed as a singer, when ' you
show her how easily vu could have won
the great rewards. Of course, she knows
you are talking.
Just talking with the fires of your
Imagination and unpunctured self-conceit
acting as bellows for your eulogistic com
bustion. But It hurts her to see how little
you. who are Interested In her art, can
sense or appreciate the self-denial and
the patience and the suffering that suc
cess In It demands.
Woman,' what do you know of what vou
"might have been?" A student of any other
subject than the one you never cease to
conshXnt self, consults all authorities,
bases his assertions ' on his deductions
from the experience end research as oth
ers as well as upon his own Ideas. But
you. Tou need no authority hut your own.
Tou consult no data of the actual ex
perience of the women who have done
what you talk about. Tou swmg serenely
on In your self-appointed, orbit, diffusing
the mist and moon shin of your Idea that
you could have made a path for yourself
In any one of two or three other orbits
Listen to me. If you had had the divine
afflatus which you appropriate as ths
breath of your nostrils, nothing In the
world would have kept you from proving
It. And listen again. It's the easiest
thing in the world to talk of the great
things you might have done from the silk
cushioned security of tho home which
your husband supplies and supports. But
in your overeat lmetlon of what you might
hWXttLKWM 6evl I'm glad t rounb p J
SItHOlOfEfl LTHI5 CAM A0 I I fi HU66Y'3 RAZOR.' mi6HTl I fl
' fJlfr OntTHiHQ 1 HAVE BEEN LATE i y fl
r j V t 1 1 ft II I M'J
I LA 1:1
UUUV)UUJ
rr r am vm rtasM nuoiusi mm wn iu.t ctx
U L3
Glafss - Reflects Woman Who Might Have Been
have' been and your underestimation of
how hard the women who really do have
to work, you -completely nestled ' to make
a reckoning of the one actual accomplish
ment that you have really perfected.
Tou have made your husband bellevs
In you and admire you as you do yourself,
He loves you now as he did. when. Vou
"gave up a career" for him. lie really
thinks you did. Tou were still having les
sons from teachers who needed the money
and who praised you for their sakes as
well as yours. But you have' Infsoted
your husband with the same belief- that
Tabloid History
Rutherford Blrchard Hayes, nineteenth
president of the United Ktates, was born In
Delaware, O., on October 4, 1822. .and died
In Freinom. O., on January IT, UBS. In bis
student days at Kaoyoo coUrce be excelled
tn fcusric, philosophy and matbematica, and
was the valedlctnrutn. After studying law
as Howard, he waa admitted to the Ohio
bar.
In early days he was whig, but as he
had always been anti-slavery In his Ideas
he joined the republican party Upon its
organization and supported , IJncoln. His
war record during the civil, war waa de
scribed by General Grant In this way:
"Having entered the army as a, major of
volunteers at the beginning of the war,
Oeneral Hays attained by his meritorious
service the rank of brevet major general
before its close." . .
He took his seat In congress in 1866, gain
ing a reputation as a man of sound Judg
ment and great executive ability. He wes
governor of Ohio three limes. In 1878 he
was nominated for president, and In hie
letter of acceptance laid j trees on three
points, civil service reform, currency and
th pacification of the south. Samuel J.
Tilden waa his opponent ea the democratic
ticket.
The result of the 'election aroused much
dispute, as both parties claimed te have
carried the states of Louisiana, South Caro-
Trouble on the Border
m a.t,
the realisation of their prophecies -was a
mere matter of time. Time which you
could not take, as he demanded all of
your attention. .
Why ..don't you brag about what you
really are? A successful wife. It's a good,
big, brag-worthy achievement. And it is
Worth Infinitely more than any of th
"what-you-might-have-beens." You have
won one of' the big rewards, even If he
weighs only, a hundred and forts'. He Is
a' good husband. And you have helped to
make him co. Oet proud about something
you really have done.
of the Presidents
' ' ' 1
J
SUTHEEFOED BrlArTA
llna and Florida. Each charged the other
with fraud. The decision of a special eieo-
toral commission awarded . the presidency
to Mr. Hayes and he was inaugurated pn
March S. 1877.
He served for only one term, and after
an able administration retired to private
life, devotlfig his energies to benovolont
and useful enterprises.
(Copyright. 1911. by the N. T. Herald Co.)
E. H. Hothern. the actor. In an art'
tudled painting tn Spain for several
years.
fOHMO! NOT AT ALL? j
UST'OfAlrf
I U3E0 Youe
RAZOJ? TO
OPEN A
CAN? YOU
wrrriiMOJ
t . - 1 :
I ! JV.
4
"S
1 14
This is (he
Day We
Celebrate
Mav 23 1911
lttjf 4fJ, AOXX
Name) sni Atldreas.
pckle Aiorln. 1461 South Fourteenth
Emll T. BerqqulBt, 3441 South Fifteenth
Fred F. Barrett. 3426 Tavlor St
Lucille Barnum, 143S North Twentieth
" - - - -
John Coston. 3504 Patrick Ave
Antonette Clfund, 816 South Twenty-fourth
Edith Castleman, 507 South Tenth St
Edmond J. Dusiynlakl, 2561 South Thirty
e-awin a. carter,-1801 H St. Mary's Are
Irma Daemon, 3015 Seward St...
Frank Doty, 1710 Davenport St
Arnold Dolan, 2639 Seward St
Merrlam M. Gordon. 3116 Corby 6t
Norman P. Gardner, 2120 North Twenty
Josephine Johnson, 226 Cedar St
Herbert L. Hoerner, 2134 South Thirty
Hael Hanson, 2123 Seward St
Barney Kulakofsky. 1944 South Tenth
Earl Kack, 1628 North Twenty-second
Louis F. Larsen, HIT North Eleventh
Margaret McCleneghan, Fortieth 8t and
Abe Meyer, 2204 8outh Thirteenth St
Cephas Morrison, 1704 Nicholas St
Hasel M. Moore, 817 North Twenty-second St Kellom 1898
Beulah Marshall, 2617 North Eighteenth St Monmouth Tark ..1903
Gladys Norgren, 216 South Twenty-eighth Ave Farnam 1902
Vernon Nichols. 3516 North Fortieth Ave Clifton Hill 1897
Charles D. Nelson, 410 South Thirty-eighth St Columbian 1900
Clarence Olson, 3312 Howard St Farnam 1898
Lewell Palmer, 1302 Fort St Sherman . 1901
Sewell Palmer, 1302 Fort Bt Sherman 1901
Arthur W. Pennlman, 3515 South Boulevard Windsor 1903
Maggie Palmeearlo, 1816 South Twelfth St St. Phllomena ....1903
Frank Palladlno, 2247 Pierce St..... St. Phllomona 1900
William Skorunka. 2711 South Thirteenth St Castellar 1903
Louis E.d SWoboda, 1405 South Fifteenth St Comenlua 1905
Lois kobblns, 125 North Thirty-eighth St Saunders 1896
Fred R. Talmage. 2025 North Nineteenth St....,
Alice M. Topp, 910 Dominion St....-
Blrdella Tlmm,. 4104 North Twenty-fourth St..,
Elizabeth 'Watson, 4331 Ersklne St . , ..
Paul J. Wurn, 2012 Locust St ,.
Alpbonso Wilson, Jr., 2301 Harney 8t.Vv
George Wagner, 2710 Shirley St
Earl'D. WAtsrift,.Til6: Burt St. . . ,
Paul Wlglngton, 924 North Forty-second
(Clifford M. Whitney, 4329 Franklin St
Fashion's Fad
NEW TORJC, May U. There must be a
goodly supply of linen gowns on hand this
summer, for linen is to be the favorite of
all fabrics. For the morning there are
simple shirtwaist frocks relieved by a
pretty soft frill of lace at th throat; for
afternoon thore are elaborate gowns so in-
mm
crusted with lac as to have little of the
actual linen 'visible, whils for traveling
that Is. In and out-of-town trips linen coat
and skirts costumes can be pressed off
after each wearing and kept looking al
ways fresh snd cool.
A particularly fetching little linen frock
Is shown In the Illustration. It was fash
ioned of pearl gray linen with a decora
tion of hand embroidery, done In a bnl,
II ant cardinal shade. The flounce was of
the gray linen, with ths scalloped edgs
done In the cardinal needlework.
White l. of course, the most useful since
It cannot fads or change color, but the
colored linens are turned out In such ador
able colorings that the temptation to lay
In numberleas dreas lengths of bright pinks,
blues, soft mauves and rose tone Is well
night Irresistible. Then there are all ths
t a.
1 ' -Vv
at.ice m.vrtr Torr.
m iomlnon 8twt
8 hol. 1 Year.
St..'. ..Comonlua lflfti
St Vinton 1895
r.ntr.i r.rir maa
- .vivaea a a i iv e a , J i' if
St.
. Kellora 1904
. Franklin 1901
8t...
Mason 1901
Pacific 1898
- first St.
1m. Conception ...1903
Leavenworth 1900
, . . , Long 1900
.. ....Central 1904
Long 1898
High ....1896
- fifth St.... Long 1902
Train 1898
- fourth St. . . . Windsor 1903
Lake 1902
St....' High 1896
St Kellom 1894
St Cass 1898
Poppleton.. Columbian 1900
Lincoln 1900
Kellom 1896
.High 1895
. Edw. Rosewater ..1905
. Saratoga 1900
. Clifton Hill',,. ...1897
. Lothrop 1902
. High ....189
. Dupont 1904
..Kellom -..r.r...1898
.'High', . . . .... 1891
.Walnut Hill .....1901
St
for Linen Frocks
striped and figured varieties, which t are
exceedingly smart and certainly to. be In
cluded In the outfit that can include a few
frocks beyond the abeolutely essnntlal ones.
But as hot weather comes nearer the
lure of dainty dimity and sheer figured
lawn and all the other sheerer summer
fabrics Is very strong, Indeed, and lt cer
tainly seems as though these materials
were never seen In more charming de
signs and patterns. Among the more
elaborate and effective patterns there Is
a dimity with a tiny polka dot of black or
color that stands out for Its very sim
plicity, and which is one of the very smart- '
est ot all designs for a simple morning
dress. Equally . pretty are the dimities
with a fine hairline of color Intersected
here and there with the same Infinitesimal
polka dot. These dimities requtre little
trimming, and no matter how simply fash
ioned are sure to look charming In th
hot days of July and August.
Princess frocks are being worn again,
and, Indeed, there Is no more sensible way
of fashioning a simple frock. Even If a
girdle Is necessary to be becoming snd
for those of stouter build this Is generally
essential with a one-piece dress still it Is
Infinitely better to have waist and rklru
Joined together, that there may be no dan
ger of waist and skirt becoming sepa-ated.
Velvet girdles are smart both In black and
colors, and then very wide belting four to
five Inches, and sometimes moire, crurhed.
Is seen as trimming on many of the dantl
eet summer frocks tnttead of the lighter
and softer silk and satin ribbons. There
is tremendous character given to tha
gowns by the color of the belting, and this
near contrast plays an Important part In
tha color Idea of every dress. On a gown
of palest salmon pink a girdle of electric
blue grot-grain ribbon Is no extraordinary
combination this spring, and It the colors
are well chosen, the least costly gown can
give the effect of an imported frock, on
which enormous duty must apparently hav
been paid.
No sooner la a law made than Its evasion
Is discovered.
NOTHING DOINQ.
"I've ottta marvelled at your
brilliancy, your aptness at repartee,
your"
"If ifs more than five dollars, old
man, I can't do a thins fat yov
Tm nearly broke myself 1"