TT1E BEE: OMAHA. TTnTRSPAY, MAY 1, mil.
IS
The ee'g jme ya
gazire af e M
i
I Serious History in Comic Vein
i
They tell n
port." said
V historian, "I
the pastime
flown the Ml
' strong ea.ll.
Ther tell me, poker la the national Indoor
said Show-Ma Smith, the great
'and from what I've Been of
out Missouri way and up and
Mississippi I admit poker has a
but In hsndllng the pennant
to thla poker we are too apt to overlook
the fact that we're" a heap Indebted to
pinochle.
"If it hadn't been for pinochle where
would this country be? Why, there
wouldn't have been any poker If It hadn t
been for pinochle, and that certainly would
have crippled a national Industry. What
would business or professional life be with
out a Jackpot?
"Brooklyn did not Invent the game of
pinochle, although she thinks she did. She
was merely the place pinochle was im
ported Inte by thy Hessians about the
time the original commuters were ready
to crone the bridge and go to work.
"These Hessian persons had Just landed
on Long Island and they liked It so well
they concluded to annex New York to It
and call It Yorklyn or New Brook bush or
something like that and rule the whole
place. But they had to get the vote of
the old settler first, and the old settlers
showed a strong Inclination to take their
ballot boxes and move the polls across
the bridge. The Hessians were pretty
keen on carrying the district at the elect
tion next day, and started to head them
off.
"Then it was that the first trick in the
political pack on this side of the water
came to the top for the deal. The wily
Brooklyn leaders said to the original In
habitants: " 'Go ahead and move the polls Into
Manhattan and we will detain these Hes
sian carpet baggers with a pinochle party.'
"Which they did. The Hesslana fell for
the pinochle game, with the dinner thai
went with it and the original Inhabitant
moved the whole assembly district over
The Widow
That most fascinating woman the widow
of some other man 'arolus Ager.
The widow Is the fairest bird In all the
bloomin' nation: she is a magnet to the
men and Sunday sheet sensation. A man
will stand upon his bean or eat from out
her diglta while some fair dame who never
wed Is having Jealous flglts. A man will
bust a rib or two in spending time and
shekels to woo a female who's half com
pletea widowed skirt with freckles. He'll
leave his cot and darling klda to rip off
rhymed devotion and chase a dame who
saves her face with Jars of beauty lotion.
A widow needs but crook her hook, to
smile the knowing smiles and everything
that wears the Jeans will trek for her'
for miles, and bring bouquets of sweet
June peas, done up In lovely fashion, and
thrust them In the lady's mush, the while
he breathes his passion. . Tall, lank young
men butt In the ring and wops of many
summers. The widow keeps all kinds In
stock she cousin to the drummers, It'e
funny that the sweet young things who
never bucked the altar must p around
with folded wings while widows slip the
halter. Full few of the men who have
not wooed and. with a widow tarried, and
thought he waa the only large slice until
she left and married. Yea, yea, she is a
charming bird, the symbol of the nation,
and men who never fell for her have
missed an education. G." K. 8. In Chicago
Tribune.
Fable With a Moral
A 'Woodpecker, looking down from his
blgh perch on a willow, remarked to a
duck, who waa preening; his feathers and
waddling; in and out of the reeds. "I aay,
what a dull-looking, unattractive little
person you are and so conceited!"
"Not conceited, merely contented," re
plied the duck.
"How can that be," asked the wood
pecker, "when you have neither else nor
plumage to commend youT Now, look
over there at those handsome ducks with
the green bodies and red heads those are
what I call beautiful birds!"
"That proves," replied the duck, "that
the only brilliant thing about you la your
topknot, and that's on the outside. If you
didn't spend most of your days wifh your
head In a hole and the rest of your time
In knocking, you -might have acquired suf
ficient discernment to know that those
ducks, which you so greatly admire, are
decoys mere wooden things painted red
and green and staked out there to catch
suckera like you."
moral,:
There's many a clot hie: 'a dummy wear
ing wearing a dress suit and a 40-cent
chest. Judge.
Chips of Truth
J
White lobsters are sometimes found.
When you say a man has JoineXthe el
lent majority. It doesn't necessarily follow
that he has married. He may have died.
Tokyo haa 800 baths where you can be
parboiled at a temperature of 110 degrees
for 1 cent.
A camel does not see his own hump, but
be sees his neighbor's very well.
More suicides occur In Paris .In propor
tion to Its slxe than any other city Phila
delphia ledger. .
The troolie tree of Surinam has a leaf
TIME'S CHANGES,
Well, well; I've 1st mf watt
The Game of
Pine hie.
the river under their noses during the
night.
"A warning was sent to the Hessian dis
trict leader in the course of the party that
there was something doing In the gerry
mandering line, but the head Hessian only
said to the messenger:
" 'Oo away; I'm melding eighty kings;
don't bother me!'
"The same warning was carried to an
other Hessian, but he only said:
" 'Keep out; I've got sixty queens.'
"But the next morning, when they found
the whole voting population lined up over
the river, they quit cold and said:
" 'We have kngs and queens over here,
but It looks as though they've Just melded
a thousand aces In Manhattan.' '
"The Hessian carpetbaggers were beaten
to a fraszle and had to move out of the
district to foreign parts. 1
"So In pursuln' the various advantages
of poker a good cltisen ought never to
forget what he owes to pinochle."
(Copyright, 1911, by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
Odd Superstitions
Sweeping at night drives good luck away.
To place a knife near a sleeping child Is
an unlucky omen.
If a player at cards get Into a passion he
Is sure to have 111 luck.
To give needles Is unlucky and brings a
loss of friendship, unless each pricks the
other.
Yawning and sneering are classed to
gether by the Zulus s signs of approach
ing spiritual possessslon.
Loretta's Looking
That Is the sixth dressmaking cataclysm
through which that insertion has passed.
And you are at it again. You tried it in
some curtains and they look as if you had
hung your petticoat flounces up at the
wlndowa.
It is the Sign of your thralldom. The
Bargain-Counter Witch haa got you. 6he
tnslnuatedthe suggestion into your mind
that It was a wonderful bargain. Marked
down from 83 a yard to TB cents. Think
of HI
Think of it! That's about all you have
been able to do since you acquired it. You
have spent enough brain force in trying to
make it serve some purpose to have con
ducted a model dairy or made pin money
pickles and a fortune.
Cannot you accept the knowledge that
thirty feet long the largest leaf in the
world.
When Cupid hits the mark be usually
Mrs. It.
Red pepper, fed to canary birds, will
change their plumage from yellow to red.
Necessity, like the average lawyer,
knows no law.
r
Concerning Uncles
J
A uncle is a kind of folks
Jus' chuck full to th' brim wlf
fun.
He hasn't any little girl
Then how's he know how to treat one?
A uncle doesn't have to be
80 dieffle big an' high an' all.
He can be uncles Jus' th' same
If he will 'tue not to grow tan
I
But his two eyes mus' be th kind
'At looks as If. nex' time he spoke,
W y he is goin' to tell to you
Some dreffle funny kind of Joke.
What makes him buy a hat that Jus'
Hangs round to tell him he "mus' go?"
'Twon'l do no good to hunt for hint
He won't be anyberes, you know!
t
Oncet w'en my I'ncle Fred corned 'long
He picked me right VP turn th' floor.
Where 1 waa 'monlehlng my doll
She got her pinkest dress ail tore!
"Th' place for little girls to be,"
(That s what ray beetest uncle said)
"Is sitting on a uncle's knee
Till it gits time to go to bed."
There's stortes In th" chimney fire
And he will hunt them out for you
'I wonder where th' fairies went.
An' wen my I'ncle Fred got thro',
CeuM w en I went to sleep and dreamed
There's something rookin' dreffle far.
That's I'ncle Fred a-burnlng up
Th' cunning little white cigar!
4
An' w'en I tho't I heard th' wind
A-ruetlln' in th' cherry tree.
Ate w'en my I'ncle Fred spread out
Th" big newspaper over me.
An' Katie wouldn't found me 'tall,
Excepttn' for that little curl,
'Cause Uncle Fred he looked ail 'round,
An' "he don't see no little girl!"
i
Don't went to go to bed at all!
Not anyway, till by-and-by!
But Uncle Fred don t like to see
A litis girl begin to cry.
If folks won't go to bed an' dream.
How can it get tomorrow day?
That s w en th' big red aut'mobile
Will want to ride us miles away.
And so I condescend to let '
Him take me "ptg-a-back" upstairs
I guess my Uncle Fred forgot.
A little 1rl mus' say her prayers.
Cause "It's a shame to wske her up!"
Is what my bestest uncls said,
N'en he Jus' dump me. shoes an' all,
Right on my dainty little bed!
- Marie Louise Tompkins in Harper
Weekly.
j 1 1
5
Glass - Held Up to the Bargain Counter Thrall
this insertion is pressing in upon your
brain with the weight of tons of bricks?
No. Lulled, lured, fascinated by, the Bar
gain Counter Witch, you wrestle with this
chain of lace, then, for change, fe diver
sion to your tattered nerves, you rush
downtown and shop! You "pick up" more
bargains.
Have you no eyes for the signs of near
rebellion in your familyy Are you un
warned by the stiff upper Up it la held
so to keep it from trembling that your
small daughter wears? She sees you mak
(You'll NEVE DO J'l )f iTfXrsfTTTl lfTnTEArTroiT! ' 1
IT! HUH! 1 WISH MIILIOM Ut We 0-CWCKf
rJ
SrJ&k OTlMk wiMik
f- Jf -a mffm n"--U- WHAT 1 ccr roR
x J JjfS V--3 EATING THAT ,
j
ing for the bargain trunk! She needs a
"party dress." 8he knows that trunk. Her
small heart has had the )of squeezed from
it before by the extraoted contents of that
hateful trunk. The last time she drew a
hideous chains. A dull, horrid pink, with
queer, little brown buglike wads that you
vainly tried to tell her were rosebuds. Of
course. It Is an "excellent piece of goods."
It will wear well too well. Curses on It
for the power it has to kill Joy In that lit
tle maiden's bosom!
Men do not bunt bargains.
It is not often that I quote what "men
do" as example for women. Oenerally I will
not acknowledge that ther is not a "right
way" for a woman that Is "all her own."
But I cannot help- observing that stores
which eater to men exclusively offer no
bargains. They do not patronise bargain
counters.
How the old Bargain Counter Witch
and the storekeeper, too. I reckon laughs
In her sleeve as she sees women fight for
a chance to buy at a t-cent reduction what
they would have sneered at when It lay on
a counter and had its normal price at
tached. The I cents extra would have
been small pay for shopping in comfort
with a stool supporting the nerve centers
of the back and a mind free from the
divided duty of protecting corns and bang
ing on like grim aeatn to a piece of a
"bargain."' But no! Rather tramp and be
trampled I
The old hag chortels and hugs her shak
ing sides. Bhe gloats over the bent backs
and ruined digestions of the slaves who
make her wares. She revels in the worn
nerves and weary feet of the slaves who
buy.
Oh, if some Ood-taught sculptor would
carve her hideous face and crouching mi
nlacical figure so that you enchanted ones
might see truly the evil genius who makes
you thralls and oppressors, too! You help
her to kill your sisters, who toll to make
the bargains with which she enchants you.
TUG BEE'S 5UM!OD
This is (he JDay
La ?frx
THURSDAY,
Nam and Address.
Mabel Almener, 1004 South Twnty-thlrd
Alice May Bell, 8534 South Ninth St
McKlnley Betzer, 4128 Nicholas St
Orcuth Beaton, 614 North Fortieth
Kenneth Bugbee, 2524 Foppleton Av
Charles Boiler, 617 8outh Thirty-third
W. Douglas Burns, 2607 Cass St
Louisa Calabretta, 1313 Psciflc St
Evelyn Carlson, 1226 South Nlneternth
Nellie M. Dalley, 2027 Wirt St
Raymond Evans, 1218 Pacific St
Alice Everson, 1605 Maple St
Grace V. Emslle, 1703 Laird St
Charles A. Forrey, 2818 North Nineteenth St
Anton Oerhardt, 2010 Dorcas St
Eleanor M. Olllan. 4028 Charles St
Dorothy Oraner, 2729 South Twenty-fourth
Julius Gerellch, 1115 William St
Sarah Holzman, 1923 Paul St
Earle Heath, 2817 Davenport St
William Hansen, 2102 Manderson St
Erie Hughes, 38 2 4 North Seventeenth
Fred Jones, 2502 Vinton St ,
Bessie Johnson, 1953 Vinton St
Mary A. Jackson, 4628 Burdette St
Louise A. Jensen, 3018 Lindsay Ave
John Jlossner, 2917 Castellar St
Margaret Leonard, 1216 South Seventeenth St
Joheph McGulre, 1617 Oak St
Mabel Miller, 4606 North Twenty-eighth Ave
Martha Murphy, 1911 Willis Ave
Gerald Nicholson, 2810 Seward St
James Novak, 1717 South First St
Marlon Pearsall, 64 2 Georgia Ave
Jean Palmer, 1012 North , Forty-fifth St
Anker Poulsan, 606 Pleroe St
Stella L. Peterson, 3408 Sahler St
Christian Petersen, 951 North Twenty-seventh
Stanley Pritchard, 853 South Twenty-first
James Pascale, 4021 Cuming St....
Arthur A. Roush, 912 North Fortieth St
Alice Ryckman, 5116 North' Thirty-fifth St
Elsie Reiter, 4817 Pierce St
Anna Roper, 2612 South Twelfth St..,
James G. Sorensen, 1609 North Twenty-seventh St..
Bertha Siegel, 1724 Dorcas St..
Irene Schoenlng, 2632 South Fifteenth
Frances Seka, 1317 Mason St
Rosal Smith, 2018 Howard St
Fred Timme, 4204 Miami St
Ruth Willard, 2452 South Twentieth 8t
Jasper R. Wlnslow, 2113 Lake St
Gladys Weston, 2024 Vinton St..
Gladys Woodworth, 2208 Clark St
Isadore Ziegman, 1123 North Twentieth
r
Tabloid History
Abraham Lincoln, sixteenth president of
the United States, is, with George Wash
ington, one of the towering figures in
American history. He was born In Ken
tucky on February 12, 1809, and died In
Washington April 15, 1866.
He was descended from excellent English
stock, and his grandfather, another Abra
ham Lincoln, because of his friendship for
Daniel Boone, gave up an assured position
In Virginia for the uncertainties of Ken
tucky frontier life. He waa killed by In
dians while clearing the forests with his
three eons, the youngest of whom, named
Thomas, waa the father of the future pres
ident.
In 1818 Thomas Lincoln, with his wife
and two children, left Kentucky and set
tled in Indiana. Abraham's mother died
and his father remarried. The second Mrs.
Lincoln waa a noble woman and ber In
fluence of the child Abraham was for
good. From a rallsplttter and a flat boat
man this gaunt, glgantio youth by his own
efforts educated himself for a lawyer, hav
ing in the meantime served as an Indian
fighter, postmaster, storekeeper and county
surveyor.
Abraham Lincoln by general consent be
came head of the republican party in hi
slavery. From the first he opposed
slavery. His memorable utterance before
the convention of 18M was prophetic: "I
believe this government cannot endure
permanently half slave and half free. I
do not expect the- union to be dissolved.
But I do expect that it will cease
to be divided."
After an exciting campaign he was
elected to the presidency by the entire
anti-slavery sentiment of the country and
inaugurated March 4, 1861. Several of the
Nubs of Knowledge
J
An English newspaper printed the first
advertisement. , It was inserted In 1W8.
Women voted In Elizebethtown, N. J. In
1797.
It is estimated that f 100,000 a year is
given away to bsggars In the streets of
London.
In Scotland the eldest son of a viscount
or baron Is known by the courtesy title of
"master."
Canton. China, is the coldest place on
the globe for Its latitude, the one place In
the tropics where snow occasionally falls.
Holland has over 10 000 windmills, each
of which drains on sn average of S10 acres
of land.
Consumption Is most prevalent among
people between the ages of tS and 80.
The albatross baa been known to follow
a ship for two months without ever being
seen to alight.
In Denmark an old man of 1" years of
eg had never seen a railway train or a
steamship.
The Inventor of a new form of lining
bricks claim they are impervious to
mo sture and so light they will float in
water.
A wave power mtor that a Californlan
recently patented utilises the horlsontsl
motion of the water Instead ef the vertical,
a usually la the casa La such machines.
RTDTHriAV norMr.
We Cglehrate
May 18, 1911.
School. Year.
Mason 1901
Bancroft 1898
Walnut Hill 1891
Saunders 1900
Tark 189
Farnam 1900
High 189S
Pacific 190S
Mason 1102
Sacred Heart 1901
Kellom 1903
Lake 1906
Lothrop 1906
Lake 1898
St. Joseph 1898
High 1893
Vinton 190S
Lincoln 1899
Kellom 1899
Farnam 1900
Lothrop 1908
Lothrop 189S
Castellar 1898
Vinton 1896
Walnut Hill 1900
Howard Kennedy..! 90S
Dupont 1904
Comenlut 1899
Castellar 1899
Saratoga 1898
High 1894
Long 1900
Train 1897
High 1896
Walnut HU 1905
Pacific 1902
Monmouth Park. ..1901
Kellom 1896
Mason 1897
Saunders 1904
Saunders 1904
Monmouth Park... 1901
Beats 1897
St
St....
St..
St. .
St
St
St. . . .
St
Bancroft . ; 1899
High 1894
Castellar 1899
Castellar 1897
Pacific 1898
Central 1898
Clifton Hill 1897
High 1813
High 1890
Vinton 1901
Kellom 1994
Kellom ,...1903
St
St
of the Presidents
j
.. .... , . ......,
southern states had already seceded and
Lincoln guided the government through
the horrors of civil war. He was re
elected for a second term and, on April 14,
186S, after he had served a few weeks of
his second term and In lees than a week
after Lee's surrender to Or act, be was as
sassinated by J. Wilkes Booth.
John Hay said of him: "After the lapse
of years the high estimate of him that the
world appears Instinctively to have formed
at the moment of his death seems to havs
been Increased. His goodness of
heart, his abounding charity, his quick wit
and overflowing humor, which made him
the hero of many true stories ana a thou
sand legends, are not less valued in them
selves, but they are cast in the shade by
(he evidence that continually appear of
his extraordinary qualities of mind and
character."
(Copyright. 1911. by the N. T. Herald Co.)
Gentle Cynicisms
It may also be true that the rolllag
moss gathers no rocks.
A man's club Is merely a weapon to kill
time.
Unfortunately counterfeit man ant re
tinues to be a thing of the passed.
The ssge. with all his wisdom, sometimes
loses to the fool who Is a good gueeser.
A medical Journal wisely announces that
you shouldn't sleep on an empty stomach.
Wl m , .
i-nrimps 11 means 10 suggest that you
should sleep on your back. Boston Herald.
BEATING THE LONG FOLU
?7-r -if U