TIIK I'.KK: OMAHA. MONDAY. MAKHI fi. 1011.
ee-g
fe
a
I 1 f'
The Dre's Junior Dliihday DooK
The Tired Business Man
Tell- Friend Wife Offl.
rial Mare I No Itelation
of Jnn lae.
Hhis is flie Da
B WALTER A HNCL.AIR
A.
1
h
4
1
i
it
I
V
V'.if ' Have they anv fi
Thy have tiat old
red that the Cnngreslnnal P-ecord
i a sporting editor," otmerved Friend
ighters?"
champ. Official
Mare, no rotation to Jem Mr," replied
the Tired I'.usincss Man." And they cm
tainly nrxl a fight editor who haa a larger
pugilistic vocabulary. Mow can they ex
pect a great and enthusiastic following of
readers to ea-rly selte the sporting frui
tion, tirn to the sport rase and read em h
snappy stuff as Mna lng action took
place between Mr. Wickers ham and Mr.
Mondell?" If they don't give the readers
what they want, with rood picture, they
will be losing H'jbe-tcrtr'lm'
"What the Records needs is some writer
who can pi irme zing Into hla accounts
c.f the mllla pulled off before the exclusive
of Representative girting ijb.
lahlish himself ai an authority and then.
when the Washington ixiilce refuse to al
low the reftr.es to give a decision, the
editor of the C. R. can decide bets.
'I'll guarantee that the circulation of the
Congressional Wreck would shoot up in a
way to astound the circulation depart
ment !f they woirld put a eouple of live
men and a K'od cartoonist on fights in the
house. Give them a little leeway, with
ehlned stories of the fight, the bout by
rounds and two column boxes bv the con
tending parties, explaining why they v -re
licked or ho they knew that the man
couldn't go the distance mhen he entered
the rlns There would be class to a publi
cation like that first class, at 2 cents an
ounce. Mr. Hifhoock would nay.
Tm thinking seriously' of applying to
the editor of the Congressional Wreckage.
My Idea of writing tip that little go aould
L anmethmg like this:
A " 'Toting Mond-11. the walloping Wyom-
Ingan. got Ms last night fn the H. of R. A.
C when 'Knockout' Wlckcrsham. the
, Tukon bear, gave him the trimming of his
life. Ths "Wyoming rjhvr came bck
wrong In the last round, however, nnd
was trading some superior slama when the
bell closed the argument.
"Both mew were the dull gray of condi
tion when they entered the ring. When
'Wick' shurkled his mucklucka It was seen
ha had not an ounce of superlative sd-
- Jectlves on him. Mondell captured the
Alaskan's Angora while both were In their
chairs waiting fur the final Instructions.
hen Referee 'Joe' Cannon gave the
the Yukon battler went to his cu-
llke a bill collet-tor
ted for the Adam's apple to
rune nutter nnrt eswen ovr ,ai-,pi
S7 mwnnm F. . .1, I . - ... T I ,
...... a . , wi';ir mo "juiinns I n rvr soiveu
' "lyiu.n 111 i
I 111 l Hill II llVl ' -
SLAM.''
his delivery and swung desperately for his
olfactory. The Alaska W'alms had his
man on the ropes and act for the good
night stuff when the bell clashed.
" 'In the second chapter the Tokos Miner
dug fur his opponent's ribs, chopped him
freely on the frontispiece and clinched.
They were hitting In clinches when the
referee broke them and declared the bout
off. Mondell explained that be had been
handed a cup of cocoa just before be
tvpld Into the ring and had that far
sway feeling all during the entertainment.
He says he ran come back If given,. a re
turn date to swap slams, and another
swatfest la looked for In this quarrel
pavilion In the near future. Mondell a
showing was a great disappointment to
the fans to whom he had been touted.
Wlckerslam says be will take on any one
ho can make 17) pounds deskside. Th-re.
How would that sound?' "
"Rather unsound": said Friend Wife. "Tt
was a shameful scene."
"Anyway. It proved the house !s still
alive." said the Tired Business Man.
(Copyright, by the N. T. Herald Co.)
. 1 Vrd'
a.t,ent
jr Yukon
, make apple
Possible Doubt Whatever.
Dissatisfied Patient They tell ma old
Jarvis died of appendicitis, an' you thought
all the time It w'js liver.
The Doctor Mr good man. Just under
stand this If I treat a man for liver
trouble he die of liver trouble.
Bystander.
Magazine
6 VVWilDNTjl I j! I III rSiDN 7 l Ju5t) M 11
sS OPEN THAT A atll YOU NOT TQ f(--
Q.XrVlN00W OPEN THAT WiNOOWJ T"
A (MORTIMER! A T :'
f " ' rvilLZ":i';OTl 1 1 11
C-n V v fwHAT AILS YOU f0rl Vka7r1! L
-OSMISi JR1NGl.E,?c AND PUFFS J K'j rr
MAD? HUH 50HN ' "
f f '4 tZJa
another l "A Wl i1 U
Imt hair yVBWh S f : 1k J NAM N fii,,f, Ii1 fK-
jis coming r0 ec I, , 'H, 'jpg h Mother . kw Mlt
I away! tKr Yii O i 1 A - V i $ f s tpk
pW'flnn bmyfci ky I H IVwlit
fWHAT is this) 131 (oh; mekct' what 1 3
I6L0WING IN? f3f r DREAM! I WILL
rM MUST AE ItfrK. ?rw .UCyLeU WEVEP. EAT A RAREl
ISEEtHG TMINSf c7TTl AGN AS LONG I
S
We Celebrate
MONDAY,
March 6, 1911.
Name and ArMreaa.
Frank Boncc!. 301 1 South Nineteenth
Adella A. Buel. 536S Lincoln At....
Mount Burns, J017 BInney St
Jane Britton, 2511 Chicago St
School. Tears
St Vinton 101
Beala 18$
Long ....... ,..1S9
Central v.l8t
Gladya Behrens, 2513 Hlmebau.h Are Miller Park
Rudolph Barta. 1420 South Twelfth St High
Oenevlere Cook. 2608 Harney St Farnam ...
John Kngl. 1701 South Elgbteenth St St. Joaeph
Ward IT? Ellison. 3331 Boyd St High
Lucille M. Fair. 515 North Eighteenth St Cs
Winfrey Gagnebln. 1517 North Fortieth St High
Theodore Gehrke. 226 Francla St Train ......
Gertrude Hoch, 4506 Amea Ave Central Park
Taul Hosman. 4037 Charles St High
Ralph Hook, 2572 Douglas St Farnam ....
Ruth D. Hart, 2003 North Twenty-second St Lake
Frances Harnion, 720 Pine St Train ......
. .0.1900
. . 1 8 1 3
18
189
......ltl
.18
....!" p'
,...18"77
....iiwiL
.184
,14
.1900
.1905
Anker Jorgensen. 1224 South Fifty-first St Beala .,. 1901
John Kolacny, 1718 Martha St Lincoln 19
IF a MM,
II
A
Ei WE
Wild Animal Market Stirring
I went to Kit I,' Ckeeaeborough's yester
day and found her nuraing a marcel. She
cuLf eased that she hadn't caibed her hair
out since last Tueniay. Hhe Is gorng to a
big dinner on Monday, and as ber hair
dresser haa positively refused to wave her
hair again until the bill la paid, she la ob
liged to make that marcel last as long as
possible.
The hot bath she took
arlrl, nearly finished It.
last night, poor
Unfortunately,
"HE SAID HE DIDN'T HAVE A CENT."
yesterday waa damp ana foggy and she
was put to desperate straita to save it.
he finally unearthed a rubber bathing tap
and wore that all day. and had her meals
sent up to her room. She says that's the
trouble with trying to be economical and
gUng to a small place like Pierre's. You
might know they'd do some unheu-d of
trick like sending you a bill right away.
I agreed with her that it was an awfullv
cheap sort of thUig for them to do' and
that they would never build op' much of
a business if they continued in that course.
"Icok at that bunch of curia," said Kitty
scornfully, pointing to some- that "were
hanging on the door knob. "I can t wear
them at all. I paid I meant I haven't palt
i for them. .
Luckily Lucille I'angerfield's hair is two
shades lighter this winter than it was last.
She brought around some of her last win
ter's hair, aid it matched mine perfectly,
s we exchanged. Fhe said she had worn
It the other day when Jim Oaylord came
In to tea, and it had been a grea aucctsa.
He told her the minute he saw ber that It
looked bully and was a better match than
any he had ever seen her wear. She ald
there was so much, of It. however, It made
her head ache. so. as she doesn't mind
Jim. as she s known him so long, she took
It off. The bell rang, and' Batty Morria
apt eared, and Jim Just had time to snatch
It off the edge of the tea tray and stuff it
In his pocket. Fhe said he had phoned her
he'd bring It around that afternoon, and
she said not to let her forget to give him
thj blue atried shirt she had borrowed
from him.
She was trying on a new patr of her
brother's riding breeches, and they really
might have been made for Imt. KUt s
crazy about riding, and it's so lucky mat
her brother's thlntrs all fit her ao well.
It saves her a great deal. When ahe rides
astride, she wears all his things. He baa
an awfully smart paddock coat, and lta
most becoming to her.
It looks rather well on me. She lent It
to me the other day to wear home afur a
ride, and I ne-r thought of 'meeting 'him
in It. I was dreadfully Irritated, aa there
was a distinct coolness between us at the
time. He hok-d at the coat sort of sadly,
I thought, so I tore it off in a great hurry
and threw it down on the table.
"Karri
He still looked at me sort of sadly, and
I remembered that Kitty had lent me '
fresh SBlrt.'
She had an especially pretty lavender
striped one on yesterday that she aaid he
had paid an awful price for. He has two
of them. She offered to lend me the other.
There isn't a mean thing about Kitty.
We heard the door bell presently, and It
was Jim Gaylord. He gave her her hair,
aad she aald he could call for her on Mon
day and take her up to that dinner, aa he
was going, too. He goea to Harvard, and
never haa any money. She said if he didn't
have money enough for the bus, she'd
scare it up from somewhere-
He said he didn't have a cent. Waa au-
lutely broke. Whole family waa broke
They were all paupers. Poor Jim was ter
ribly blue. Finally, he said he'd go nome
and see If the butler was good for a
small loan. Kitty phoned me today that
the butler waa cad enough to refuse to
lend him any more money, "but he got his
mother's machine, and they went in that.
and her marcel looked like new when they
arrived.
(Copyright. ISfll. by the N. T. Herald Co)
Giving the Babies a Chance
This is the season when spring styles
In wild antmala are on vie .In New York.
Birds and reptiles are also en show ell
for exhibition purposes, of-eourse. The
World says the hotels bave.' aa gueats
numerous agents for small circuses and
menageries, museum , npeMendenta and
serological garden directors. ua can buy
anything from an elephant to- a white
mouse In the animal trade" tenter of the
metropolis. Likewise it la poe'ble to pur
chase very good specimens of eagles or
hummlna- birds. The reptile show casee
are stocked with ahowy boa constrictors
and attractive rattleenakew at figures
which defy compettion. For giraffes and
camels and dromedaries the market holds
steady; lions are dull, tiger Inactive and
leopards slow.
Trade In monkeys Is never brisk, but
there Is always something dolr.gin the retail
field.
The elephant trade is growing steadily.
A good elephant salesman commands a
fine salary. He is supposed to be able to
turn his band to other animal departments
and help out at the camel counter and In
the alligator pit.
A city desiring to establish a small aoo
logical garden may do considerable mar
keting with $10,000. securing a nice little
elephant, a camel, a shop-worn lion and
tiger and a miscellaneous collection of
small animals like wolves, foxes, rabbits,
etc. Buyers may get ( per cent off for
quick cash on animal purchases.
The trick pony trade, win begin late this
month. Good ponies are reported, cheap
this year. .
r
Daily Health Hint ,
In cold weather the diet should be more
generous than in milder times, as the cold
stimulates muscular activity, and the aub
eequent expenditure of energy and tissue
requires increased food to repair the waste.
Ulster tldaratlep.
"What has your boy learned at school this
season ?"
"He has learned that he'll have to be
vaccinated, that his eyes aren't really
mates and that hLs method of breathing Is
entirely obsolete." Louisville Courier-Jonrnal.
Iskrare-Of Belief.
Violet Daisy appears to be very popular
with the young men.
Tom Yes; she runs to fada, and one of
her latest Is a belief that chocolates art
very unhealthy. Illustrated Bits.
I'ahles are affright. If they don't tome
In droves, according to the comment of St.
Paul real e,ata men uri a statement made
In a sermon by Kev. O. A. Luc of the
Central Park Methodist church In that
ckv, t'nai iiai iifo is C'Dc!uci. c lo rate
eui. ide. Uabies are not half so badly
treated aa parrots, roller ki.-. docs. cats.
btx lea and trombones, the really men
say.
"It Is true that I ak a pros;, the ten
ant how latge bis family Is " said one
agent, quoted by the Paul I) tpati h
"but I ak the question simply to get an
Idea of the siae cf quarters needed. There
Is nothing ki that talk al-out r e suicide.
We have no objection to children, al
though of course there Is a limit. If you
have a family with eighteen or twenty -to.
children acT'M court frtiu a family
with nlnrtevn or tcnty-lx. they are apt
to start throwing things. Then the neigh
bora object, and tt all comes back on the
aenu W have ao complaint to make,
however."
An owner of two apartment houses has
playgrounds tor hia tenants' boy and girls.
"I have eight children of my own." be
aaid "That doean't sound like a very
Strong obje tion. Yea. I aak prospective
tenants host- many persons there are In
the family, be. si.m with a six or seven
room f It isn't a good plan to rod in
too many. No family with two or three
chorea will have trouble getting a Tat
ni nta ta Uuu account."
One real estate nuta sogne.ted that Rev.
Mr -I.U4 start a movement f..r a t'uil.l ng
like the one In Chicago. There a publlc
epirued pereoa with a sot place In his
heart for newly married couples, and a
soft place In the bank for a - wetl-nour-mlted
"roll." put up an up-to-date flat
building and announced that no persons
w.thout children would be nllowed to rent
quarters In it. Also, he published Ta sched
ule of t-ocuye a month's rent free, cr
something like that for eery bnby born
in the fl.fts. It asnt long before that
Part of Chicago be nan to look like a fresh
air farm. I'ables were thicker than loos-e
hairs on a fux terrier in springtime. How
ever, the proprietor was "game," and so
were the tenants; and at the I n report tt
a as a damp day w hen the philanthropist
duln t put a new name on the free rent
li.-u
lose af the Hlakt etasasi.
A collector of postage stamps, possessing
1-.V4 sper imens deal rem to contract a mar
riage itn a young lady, alio a collector.
ho has the blue Mauritius ktamp of IMT.
No other need apply. Advertisement in the
Plaro.
A Sealer-ted literary Flwew
Why did Columbus die in poverty after
di.Mxivering America"
"I suppose," replied the explorer, "that
it was due to the lack of tnterprtee on the '
part of magaxine publiahera. Washington
tar.
Ills Poalllas).
"Ijfe Is something of a game, afur a'-U"
said the cynical person.
"Perhaps." replied Mr. Meekton; "t,ut 1
ih Henrietta wouldn't regard tt as bridge,
mlth roe forever playing opposite as
dummy." Washington fciar.
I PUTTlM' IT ori- I
I Take ME HOME
it Sgik
C&rty.
Erna Krelle. 1813 Center St
Ruth Kutscher, 221 Lincoln Ae
Martin Loth, 1940 South Sixteenth St
George Lawrence, Jr., 2820 North Thirty-first St.
Alice Murphy, 2115 North Twenty-ninth Ave
Kenneth Miller, 420 North Eighteenth St
Joseph Machal, 4120 North Eighteenth St
Mable I. Miller. 5102 Grorer St
Alfred V. Miller. 1529 South Twenty-Mxth St
Gerald Peterson, 4701 North Twenty-ninth St...
Alfred Peteraon. 1932 South Eighteenth St Castellar ....
Rosle Paska, 1426 South Elerenth St Lincoln
Gernwood C. Parker, 3414 Charlea St Franklin
Pearl A. Ray, 2211 North Twenty-fifth St Lake
Atimat A. RIeser. 121 Woolworth Are Ger. Lutheran
inn Ttordatta Rt Howard Kennedy. . 1897
, . .Castellar .1903
...Train 1902
. . .St. Joaeph. 1904
..Howard Kennedy. .190$
. . .Long .....1904
, . .Caw 189T
. ..faratog 1909
. . .Beats 1893
...Park 189S
. . .Saratoga 1904
. ...1899
1909
....1900
....1899
1903
Samuel Rosenthal,
Joseph M. Ramm, 2115 Emmet St...
August RIeser. 121 Woolworth At.,
Doyan Sackett, 2563 Poppleton Ae P"
George Stocking. 1128 South Thirty-sixth St
Fannie Smith. 2214 North Twenty-first St..
Abe 8warti. 1454 South Fifteenth St
Russell Sarmon, 3020 Davenport St
Ada Thomas.
Holgar Thrane, 1722 South Seventeenth St....
Sara Travis, 3317 Franklin St....
Trace Trawiuke. 2514 South Tweth St. ...
Lee Wavra. 2218 South Twenty-eighth bt
.Sacred Hrt 1900
.Train 1901
...189T
..1891
..1891
..1905
..1897
...1900
. Columbian . .
Lakw ........
Comentvs ...
Webster . . . .
Central Park
..Comenlas 1898
High 1893
Im. Conception ....1904
Dupont 1901
. ... . a WW f i A
Fay E. Woodward. 8244 North Thlrty-elxth St central rarg.
Myrtle Witt, 2234 South Twenty-eighth St Dupont . . . . i . . . ..19TJ3
Royal Warren, 6001 North Thirtieth St High 1893
Harold K. Wagner, 1501 Ames Ave Saratoga 1904
Eleanor E. Welch, 1914 South Thirty-third St Windsor 1904
A Tragedy in One Act V
any of the smaller
Time The present.'
The .Place Almost
towns anywhere.
-The Girl Matilda.
Dramatis Persona The board, composed
of ths following members: Georgia Pine.
Slippery Elm and Curly Uirch.
Enter- the actors, who arrange them
selves in the form of a triangle apologies
to Euclid. The president, Slippery Elm,
discovered at the apex trying to fill the
chalf with dignity and decorum. The sec
retary. Oeorgla Pine, Is loading her Water
man with ink paid for by the taxpayers and
at the same time mentally computing her
monthly bill for salary. Curly Birch is
there, too, wHh something up his sleeve,
Ths president, crossing his legs and firing
a broadside at the spittoon, proceeds: The
members of this august body (with dig
nity) rea.llxe that we have tonight for the
purpose of filling an eight-grade room, and
to transact any further business that may
may come before us for deliberation.
(Wipes his glasses- We all know the Im
portance of the great public school In the
the country today. (A look of deep re
sponsibility seen upon the faces of the
board.) Far be tt from such as we to al
low the least semblance of favoritism to
creep Into our discussions. (Looks of
righteous Indignation.) I repeat it (Pat
rick Henry attitude). the American
public school shall never be prosti
tuted to graft or pull by this board. (Great
applause.) The child, the hope of the fu
ture and the clttaen of tomorrow, calls to
us with outstretched hands, demanding the
best teachers obtainable, without considera
tion of cost. And shall we deny these little
ones their birthright? Never, though we
have to search all over this country with a
pointer dog and a fine tooth comb! What
are we pln thirty dollars a month for
if it Is not to get the very best? With this
oeroratlon. I believe that thla honorable
body Is now ready to rerelve sugge.ions.
Ths board members now have their inn
inn and Georgia Pine oomes to bat with
her favorite.
Geortrla Pine, (rising and adjusting her
rat) Gentlemen of this honorable body, I
with to present the name of my niece.
Miss Asrwn line a daughter of a sister
now long since departed (tesrsi and a
young lady with twenty years' experience
In the rural schools of Podunk; an estim
able young woman who has waded snows,
built fires. sept out. drawn her salary
r.iinctusJlr. end red the "Fireside Com
panion" until her health has failed
Curlv Birch (takes a plunge And what
Is the young lady doln' at the preent
wrl'.ln' ?
Georgia line rJhe a helping me with the
housework. And. gentlemen, I do neel
her so badly here In town to help me take
tare of the twins, and besides, she needs
the money.
Curly Birch Gentlemen of this hers
board, 1 reckon we ain't runnln' no hospital
nor bloomfn' nuts-y fpr this bera dees
trict. Fhe ain't told us snnythlng about
her eddycation. ' Kin ahe teech MhooiT
That" what I'm lnqulrln' about! If I recal
led kerrectly, we're hi tin' a teacher, not
a hired girl. (Nods of assent from tha
president.) Now, gentlemen, I wish to place
In nommynation the name of Miss Matilda
Way back. (Matilda's father owes Curly
a grocery bill of KT4. and he uses this means
to play even.) Miss Wayback is a graddyats
of our own schools. . She la. s young UuJy
of kerrect principles, a member of tha
Furrin Missionary society, and will irlra us
satisfaction (TO worth). I her known her
father fer nigh onto forty eara, and he's
paid taxes all this, time InLo this dess
trlct, and I reckon he ought to bev some
thin' comln' by this time.
Georgia Pine Bnt. Mr. President, hs has
read no recommendations as to Matilda's
teaching experience.
Curly Birch We don't need no rekymsnd
atlons. Ain't we known ths family fur long
enough? I guess that's satisfactory to this
here board.
The President This boar has) heard thi
nominations for filling ths elghth-grads
room. All In favor of Miss Wayback, say
aye!
"Georgia Pine votes No!
Curley Birch votes Ays!
The President After thoughtful consider
ation of the qualifications of tha two candi
date (nothing haa ever been said about
qualifications), and looking toward fhs in
terests of the children and taxpayers, I
cast my vote for Matilda Wayback. (Curly
owes Slippery and ha wants to get hla too.
I declare Miaa MaUlda duly sleeted to fill
the room. The clerk Will now read ths
bills.
Georgia Pine (reads) Gentlemen, hers Is
a bill of fc! V) for books for the school and
ll for a sanitary drinking fountain.
The President What la your pleasura la
regard to this bill? .
Curly Birch I wish to protest agio this
extravygance! That's mora mjtiey'n J psld
for my whole skootin'. What do ths young
sters want with books? boo t ws hire good
teachers to learn 'em? And drinkln' foun
tains If a tin cup was good enough far
me. I reckon It'll do for this gennyratloo.
Georgia Pine Here Is another bill of
Plippery Elm's for tO for coal, f! 030 for
lumber, and I'd for personal services.
Curly Btrch-Mr. President, I motion yes
that the bill be paid and an ' order be
drawn on the deertrict lor the sam.-
The President I second that motion. Ths
motions Is carried! If there is no further
business to come before this board. 1 de
clare you adjourned.
(CVRTAI.V)
-C. 11. LE V1TT In Coulee's.
How Far Can You Go
J
The physical decay of men over 0 years
old must be mors frequently mentioned,
says a writer in American Medicine, lest
ws forget the fact that our physique was
evolved for only thirty-five or forty years
of strenuous use.
It was not so long ago that 43 years waa
extreme old age. counting tiros in the large
way of evolution. lengthening of life haa
been possible only because civilisation has
let up ths physical strains, so that if ws
continue them we must expect to break as
of old.
Athletes stop their efforts merely be
cause they are beaten by younger men, but
the nonathletlc seem to think that tt Is
necessary to keep up excessive exercise
though the tissues simply cannot stand !t
There is then no mystery In ths large
number of damaged hearts now betntT found
snd they elli continue to Increase in no ra
ter and severity until the merflcal profes
sion succeeds in Impressing the lesson. Let
us repeat it over and over again ontfl
every man over 40 or 45 years of age real
ises that he baa lived his allotted time of
physical vigor and must ease up ths strain,
to retain hia health.
V writs Both W ays.
"He knows all the best people in town."
"Why doesn't be associate with then)
then"'
"They know him." Cleveland Leader,
are la Plrswr.
If you want to Please a woman.
There 11 be no vain regret
If her birthdays you remember
And her sge you wilt forget.
T. K. M. to New York Tsleajra