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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 21, 1911)
.f . S. azire (lie Bcc5 Junior Birthday Book WHEN YOU GE.T YOUR WORK DONE, COME HERE, IHAVE A ' JOS FOP YOU Her Husband's Voico " it Lowered to the Blandishments and Flattery of Woman. BY AM ERE MAN. 4 jh... 1 ' " " ' ' I I , I,. I, . .. I - II ' .' ' .1 Pfe g' f . s. TT TT n f jhc ee'g 1 r 1- J) 1 1 1 It was t o'clock when the -Amateur Ife iK'tndfil th Imposing stairway which led to Her Husband's office and gave her car) to the doorman. Fhe did not Co there often-never. In fart. save when she considered Imperative necessity demanded It. "Men make no many allly Joke about wive who com around on pay day or top In to urge their husbands to come home," ah had announced, "that I had rather not been seen around the office at all." It wm therefore with om surprise and even a little apprehension that the Post Oraduat Iluaband learned that his wife aa In the reception room. On glanca of her amllir.g face, however, relieved him of .the fear that anything had happened to worry or ann y her. I Her greeetlng aa ha advanced to meet her M beaming and tender to an unus ual degrea a moat an embarraslng degree. Never In the dim days of their courtship bad her bin eyes flashed greater Joy at beholding him "I thought you might be. going home soon and thai 1 would wait and go out with you," she said In her blandest ac cent. "It will be f o'clock before. I can Ret away," answered Her Husband. "I'm afraid you'll hava rather a long wall." "Oh, but I'd rather wait for you: I'd be so lonesome going out on the train by myself, and I want to talk to you: Don't you want me to waif ' asked Hia Wife In tones of plaintive begullement. A warm glow of self-satisfaction over spread the countenance of the Post Grad uate Husband. After all, ha reflected, It Is a treat thing to have a young and pretty woman so In terested even when she happens to be your wife. Solomon, receiving the queen of flheba, dla not smlla mora royally than the Post Liraduate Husband aa he said: "All right, dear. I'll hurry and get through. Won't It be rather chilly In here for you? lon't you think you'd better put your coat on?" The Amateur Wife laid a detaining hand upon tha huge storm coat which aha had deposited carefully beside her on the leather sofa upon which they were seated. "No. No. dear! Leave It alone!" she protested. "I'm perfectly comfortable. Hurry back to your work so wa can get away early." Aa Her Husband opened the door lead ing H the editorial sanctum, a strange round caused him to turn around sud denly. From somewhere came an unmistakable and utterly tragic "meow!" For a moment he was afraid that he had trampled upon one of tha offsprings of that arch foe of race suicide, the office cat. A rapid survey relieved his mind on this point and he went hurriedly back to work, Was I gone long?" he Inquired three- Miiarters of an hour later when i; re- turned. His Wife's face still radiated an un wonted tenderness and Joy. "I was sitting here reading the papors and thinking about you," she said. "It's been such a long- time since we vrere on a train together It will be quite like an elop. ment, won't It?" "There, hurry up and get Into your coat r we'll miss tha 6:28," exclaimed Her Husband prosaically. And ao saying ha lifted the storm coat The Lady "Kow. 'Once uDon a time.' Daddy," and they both aniKCKled down the bis; man In the corner of the high-backed lounge that grown-ups call a "davenport," and the little man In hla cosey comer tha cosey corner made by father's long, comfy lap and big, sheltering arms. It was by tha nursery fire that laughed and crackled softly, telling of many lovely things here and otherwhere. Tha old clock tlrked-talked away behind his hands on the stalra outside tha door, and far away in tha street, tha motors whirred and the cab horses trotted patiently. Just a wee while these two sat silent, then the big man leaned and pulled a little dangling chain beneath a shaded lamp on tha table and out want tha light, leaving tha room in tha warm red glow of the firelight on tha hearth, and lots of little shadows ttp-toe-lng In tha cornera, and creeping under things, or chasing up and down tha cur talna at the windows. The big man laid his pipe beside hltn on tha table, and gathering tha email, bare feet in hla great, warm hand, begau look ing In tha fire: "One upon a time, oh, such a long time ago. there stood In the midst of all the city's dusty Aunt and noisy noise, a, house besutlful. Its windows winked and blinked happily down upon the passerby, for Joy lived within. But ons window was wtnkler and bllnkler than all tha rest, for here every nlxht, when all tha little birds out In tha green trees hsd tucked their heads j under their warm wings, a beautiful lady Minn.1 and watted behind the curtain. "And the man. when he awung 'round the corner of the street, alwaya looked at that window, wlnkler and bllnkler than the re.it .and the curtains would part and oh! for just a breath, before he sprang up the tens, he aaw the butlful lady, and her mlle waa the gate of heaven. Many, many months the wlndowe winked and blinked, WelLrnjr be an4 bow eJ4 fe' your httlc brother?" 'He ln't cl4 at rJl; tieg aJmost licw! a r-Mecu' .' from the sofa and dlloed beneath It a huge wicker basket. "What on earth is that? I wonder who could have left It here?" he ejaculated. "It's mine. It's something I bought." His Wife answered timidly. "Who who's going to carry It home?" blustered Her Husband. "I am." said His Wife meekly. "Of course I am." "Yes, you are." jeerc" " aduata Husband. "Tes, yon And having helped ' he took the basket undei ' 's of Infinite resignation . the Jersey tube. "Be careful, don't turn t' down," warned Ills Wife w, on the train. "What's It got In? Eggs?" asked Her Husband, and he shifted his burden from one arm to the other. As he did so he felt the wicker cover move mysteriously tinder his hand and from the basket came a distinct "me-ow." j a me-ow which sounded the same plain tive note he had heard earlier In the office. In his astonishment the Post Graduate Husband dropped the basket, and the beast Inside, wildly frightened and Indignant, set up a continuous yowling. An empty headed creature across the aisle glKgled and with Simian Imltatlve ness the other Idots In the csr followed suit. " "What on earth have you got In hat bas ket?" Inquired Her Husband preferring not to believe his ears. Ills Wife rescued the rolling basket be fore she answered. "A kitten." she. said with her most In fantile smile. "A kitten for Mary. She says the mice In the kitchen are eating er up. I read In the paper about a place where they give homeless kltttens away If you have a basket to take them home. And It was right near'yotir office, so I" S you decided you'd be terribly lone some on the way home," exclaimed Her Husband with concentrated bitterness. "Well, ' you scheme's sueceded. Here I am th laughing stock of every one be tween New York and Mountalnvllle a parcels post for cats. But Just wait: Woof Woof will avenga me." , (Copyright, 1911. by the N. Y. Herald Co.) Beautiful -J many, many months the beautiful lady waited and then peeped out from behind the curtains of tha house beautiful. "But one day, before the little birda had cosled down, the curtains never moved as he sprang up the steps of the House Beautiful. Softly he stole In. softly he crept to her room he could not see her, yet. somehow, he knew she was there. And listening, ha heard a tiny cry. Stumb ling to a lacey, pinky white basket swing ing near the cherry fire, he found a mea sage from the beautiful lady folded close In the palms of two tiny, baby hands. And looking, he saw her standing beside h Inl and then he read the message: "Love is the ireatest thing In the world." The fire had gone to glowing embers, tha little, warm cheek burned against the big man's heart. Then tha little man stirred sleepily and snuggling down mora cosily, yawned and said: "I say, daddy, why didn't she just talk It. Instead of sticking It In I ho babv'a hands? Sliuhtn't h hv .. i. 1.9 I The big man thought a minute, and as the sweet eyes drooped with sleep he ssid: "She did talk It. boysle. She's talking It now." Then he gathered the limp little figure In his arms and, tiptoeing, laid him In his bed. And cut of the shadows by tha curtains stepped tha beautiful lady a dear rock-a-by lady the kind you love. And together they watched tha small pink palm curl up on the white pillow. Then she sang: Of bluebells that ring. Of treetops that swing. Of ev'ry lovely, thinkable thing; Of fairies and elves On the pantry shelves, Sampling the Jam aa you do yourselves. And the little man amiled and the big man, too, though the big man'a was a bit odd quite aa though be were waiting for something. r Sheriff Was Scared There used to be a sheriff in a Ureen Mountain county of Vermont, who for forty years had driven his prisoners murderers. moonshiners, thieves through the woods In his buggy to the county Jail, and yet had never carried a revolver nor used a pair of handcuffs In his life. He had a strong hand, a brave heart and a delightful stut ter. "Weren't you ever 'frald?" someone aked hlin on day. "W-well. 'How one I w'wua t-t-tol'rabl well skeert." he admitted slowly. "I h-hrd fc-81 P-Ferkins. th b-barber, wus g gone d-daft an' wus e-carvln' p-pnopl up. an' I c-calc-laled It wus my official d-dooty to g-go an' arrest hlin. So I w-went d-down to 81's shop. an. w-went In, sn' S-yi c-come at me w-wiih a-r-rasor in each h-hand. An' then I 'How I wus ttoU 'ratle well skeert." What did you dor' "W-w-well." fcald the old sheriff, spitting thoughtfully lino the sand box beside his stove. "I wus s-so s-s-keert that X t-took era a-a away from him. "Everybody's. fTHl. HIGH ) J A LIFE GUTS U SO TIRESOME.! 7 1 s i I DON'T KNOW f WHA1 10 DO t WITH MYSELF J fBRINd ME ) x COUPLE MORE. V A QUARTS OF "THIS WIN t! IT TASTE b C V0 yPRETlY 60OP1 1 JL n ft v , , ' - HUM: wa i t 'liS; A UC,N6 AioKbf rr v V WITH OUR U- D.TCH? HADNTpY T ), Wl BETTER Philosophy in Pellets In marrying an heiress the bridegroom nay be excused for getting twisted and saying: "With ail thy worldly goods 1 me endow." Some men are aatlxfled to take what they can get, while others aren't satisfied unless they get all they can take. , The average suffragette eally doesn't want to vote nearly as much as she wants to make speeches about It. The man who stands in his own light Imagines the whole world Is dark. ' Matrimonial dyspepsia Is the result of marrying a . wife who la so rich she doesn't agree with you. Tha only married man who ever lived up to hla wife's Ideal died the. day after the wedding. Tha secret of aucceaa la to let the other fellow take the chances. Tha man with a clear conscience gener ally has the satisfaction of knowing that he gets the worst of the deal. It Is much, better to be good for a re ward then to be good for. nothing. It Is Just aa well to bear In mind that Opportunity isn't an habitual knocker. No matter how Intellectual 1 she may be, after a woman reaches a certain age nhe feels that almost any man Is a match for her. It may sound Ilka exaggeration, but a man has almost as many buttons on hla suit of clothes as a woman has on the back of her Waist. The world la apt to snicker when a cook ing school teacher suffers from Indigestion. The rolling stone may gather no moss, but It geta to be a pretty smooth article. Philadelphia Ledger. Maudie Again J Maud Muller on an autumn day Was raking tha fallen leaves away. Th Judge nveandered down the walk And stopped to make a little talk. "Maud," said be, and his bosom heaves, "What ar you doing raking leaves?" "No, sir." said Maud, in accents low. "Just at present I'm shoveling snow."- Whereupon the judge moved his feet. And meandered onward down the street. Then Maud winked at the cat, did she. And said, with forced solemnity: "Of all fool things from tongue or pen The limit Is the fool remarks of men." T. E. M. In New York Telegram. HER FEDIGREH How tar can her ancestry t traced?" "W:1L her grandfather was traced m Car as Maxiax but ht got away." 2 win : CALL MY CAR I'M GOING BACK TO MY APARTMENT LIE DOWN" AND TAKE IT EAST. CAll I MY CAR? NOW. DO NOT WANT TO BE ANN0YE.D' NO? GET OUT OF HERE' I CAN NOT STAND FOR A 616 6LUF f ER LIK YOU' CHAiE YOUR St IF OUT OF HERE. ' YES WE FINISHED) DIGGING OUR DITCH ALL BUT A HUNDRED" FEET OR MORE ptDNT FEE L VERY GOOD ALL DAY ' SEEMED TO BE SO DROWSE Y ' P Gentle Cynicisms J No man la happy unless he can prove It. A man Is always surer of am old enemy than a new friend. Deauty Is only skin deep. In spite of all a sausage may think to the contrary. ; u- . . Never tell a woman she looks like her old self aain. Many a man only tells the truth when he Is too lazy to think up a lie. Of course marriage improves a man. If you don't believe It, ask his wife. Many a poet has discovered that Pegasus doesn't always respond to the spur of th moment. The people who are most apt to have nervous prostration are those who have most time to think about It. We tan never understand why our sym pathy shouldn't have" more effect upon another man'a sorrows than his has upon ours. No man is so virtuous as he who hae been cured of his own vices, and sees them In someone else. A woman complained to me tha other day that her husband waa mora considerate of hla cook than he was of his wife. After thinking th matter over I came to the conclusion that he was right. A man can easily get another wife. . - r Some Health Hints Suffering from flatulence after meals may be cured by the judicious use of pure charcoal. A small quantity swallowed a short time after meals will absorb unpleas ant gasea and aid digestion. Pimples and similar eruptinna of a harm less nature may be cured by simplifying the dally diet, eliminating rich and greasy foods and taking plenty of exercise In the open air. "Age Is not all decay," wrote Oeorge MacDonald; "it is the ripening and swelling of the fresh life within that withers and bursts th husks." For Indigestion a simple cur Is the drinking of hot water on first arising in the morning and a halt hour before each meal. ins REASOIZ Vmi' Til never forgive her for refusing me two years a ga" 'But you aoon married aome one else." "Yea; that" wbyl J I ,i I my s ... 1 MAKE Mt- A NICE. DRY MARTINI COCK -TAIL ! THINK I WU EAT SOMETHING THEN GO TO THP OPERA! HURRX PLEASE! ' , if Tight-Fitting ' ' Growler ' ' 1 J It has been left for a Washington man to patent one of the most remarkable, If not useful, oddities ever filed In the T'nlted Ktates patenf office. An article concerning this queer Invention says It may be termed, for want of a more elegant word In th" language, a sort of- Glorified "prowler," that plebeian vessel or receptacle wherein liquid refreshments are served up at mixed ale parties and other gatherings of like nature. v Heretofore the great drawback to the practical efficiency of the growler has been the attention it attracted. This tl. new twentieth century growler eliminates; anybody may now carry a gallon of beer along the avenue without exciting undue comment. This boon to the thlrnty but modest consists of a screw top vessel of block tin, the outer side of which. Is con vex, while the Inner side, being concave, fits as snugly to the body of a man as a recent Parisian creation in gowns fits the latest favorite In comic opera. To the upper rim are attached two stout hooks. The machine is operated by borrowing from one of the party the price' of a gal lon of beer which Is delivered by the me chanician to the whlte-aproned gentleman at the corner saloon. Upon a satisfactory test of Its genuineness, the' latter charges the receptacle from the contents of an Iron hooped keg, firmly screwing down the metal cap. The operator now en panes tho hooka of the appliance with the arm holes of bis vest, whereby It will hang sup ported, so that the receptacle will coincide with the fit of his ribs, and pulls his coat over it with careful cariessness. f Household Economics I! J To make biscuits light drench with gas oline and Ignite before aervlng. To keep servants chloroform and lock In the cellar. To get rid of peddlers buy all they have. To remove frutt-stalns from linen use he scissors. To krep rsts out of the pantry put all th food In the cellar. To entertain women visitors let them read all your private papers. To entertain men visitors feed the brutes. To keep children at home lock 'em In the garret. To k?ep hubby at home lock up all his clothes. not coNVAr.rsrwvT yet: A 7 : w "George hasn't been to ace her ince he asked her father for her hand.'' "Thought he wrote a letter" He did. and carried it around. And her pa tended it back with a Lot nou." r a i i ; 1 V &1 ) I I M K M V5 e . :.. I. ita AON VS KTtCAT RJ.I Hli kory Street. Oflcar Almen, 1004 South Twenty-third St Manon 1803 Tibbie Alexander, 1413 South Fourteenth St Couienlus 1898 Florence Hreener, 4112 North Twenty-seventh St. . . Saratoga 1898 Paul IJ. Brisbane. 1 430 Evans St '. . ,Uthrop 189 James Darta, 1420 South Twelfth St High School 1895 r.Iadya Carl, 2019 Elm St Cnntcllar 1903 Maud Craig. 852 South Twenty-third St Mason 1901 Freda M. Dean. 2510 Pierce St Manon T?T2 Wayne Davie, 2710 Indiana Ave.... Webster 189 Mary ff. Gibb, Twenty-fifth St and North city limit. .Saratoga 1891 Margaret Hllbert, 2116 North Twenty-Seventh St.... Long 190 Sophie Hathoot, 1408 South Twelfth St Pacific 1904 Anna C. Moisten", 1311 South Twenty-fifth St Mason 1897 Wllhelmlna Ilibbeler. 2308 Vinton St Vinton 1908 Helen Hamilton, 1821 North Seventeenth St Kellom 1902 Ethel loh, 1328 South Twenty-seventh St Park 189 Josephine Inzolere. 1121 South Sixth St Paclf'c 189B Elsie E. Kirk. 4222 Lafayette Ave Walnut Hill 1904 Agnes K. Krcal. 823 Hickory St Lincoln 1899 Margaret E. Knowlton, 1510 South Twenty-ninth St. .Park 1904 John Kraft, 2917 South Twenty-sixth St 1m. Conception 1902 Emll Llesuer, 2120 North Twenty-sixth St Long 1906 Gerald C. Lucas, 182 2 Locust St Lake 1899 Lawrence Lange. 2001 Burt St Walter H. Lundeen. 4201 Pacific St loy Miller, 1020 Miller St Mary E. Mayes, 219 North Twenty-third Helen Neuberger, 2211 South Twenty-first St St. Joseph 1904 Agnes E. Nodgaard, 2802 Manderson St Lothrop 1900 Elvira Olson, 2517 Ames Ave Saratoga 1902 Mac Ohman, 25C8 Davenport St Central 1901 Eleanor Osborne, 218 South Twenty-ninth Ave. . . . . Farnam 1903 Paul Penoyer. 2906 Lake SU ' Howard Kennedy .. 1904 John Richards, 2426 Brown St ....Saratoga 1902 Vivian Stanley, 2965 Farnam St Farnam .190 Arthur Strehlow, 2103 North Eighteenth St Lake 1899 Edward Spellman, 2215 LocusfSt Sacred Heart ....1900 Hazel Snyder, 1448 North Eleventh St Kellom 1896 Bessie Simile. 1008 Homer St i ........... Forest 1900 Dwight Shadden, 2331 South Nineteenth St ..Castellar 1901 Ray Willis, 4249 Grand Ave Central Park 1899 Harry Whitfield, C34 South Thirtieth St Farnam 1903 f Story of the There was once a King, a very rich King. Bo rich that he couldn't begin to count his money. lie lived in a wonder ful palace and had everything he could think of to make him happy. But he wasn't happy a bit. His crown hurt his hed, and his gold embroidered robe ' was too heavy. He worried all day and all night about nothing at all. He grew more miserable every day. At last he could stand It no longer. He called his wise men together and axked them to tell hlin what he should do. They sat in a big circle, with their long beards shining, and stroked their chins and rubbed their bald heads, think ing. They all knew what was the mat ter with the King, but not one of them was brave enough to. tell hlmr At last the vary oldest man of all said: "Oh, King, all you have to do to be happy is to sleep on night in the shirt of a man who is perfectly, happy, a man who has never bad any trouble. Find the man. Get his shirt. Bleep In It one night, and, oh King, your misery will leave you." And so the king started a hunt through out his kingdom for the happy shirt, as he called It. Ha aent -out. couriers who went up and down the kingdom and searched high and low, but nowhere in the whole land could they find a man who had never had any trouble. . The King waa very angry, lie aent other couriers. He told them they would lose their heads If they came back without the Happy Shirt. But they did not find th Happy Bhlrt, either. The King sent out others. They traveled all over the world. And mean time the King was getting worse and worse. The last couriers had given up th search and were coming home. They were very gloomy, too, thinking about having their heads chopped off. Suddenly they heard some one singing a Jolly Bong, the joiliest song they had ever heard. They looked all around, but saw no one. At last they caught sight of a ragged and tattered fellow lying under , a tree, his head on a stone and his heels In the air. He waa singing a rollicking song, and warming himself In the sunshine. "Let's see who this fellow la," they said. r One Hoosier's Twins "There's nothing lik temperance," said Mayor Shank at a temperance banquet In Indianapolis. "Take the case of John Humphreys. "Humphreys, at a supper, drank more than was good for him, and arrived home at 2 p. m.- In a rather unfortunate state. "The family physician met him at the front door. " 'Humphreys,' he said, 'I congratulate you. You're a father again.' "And the physician led Humphreys up stairs (o the nursery, where thtf nurse proudly exhibited a fin Infant. "But Humphreys, instead of manifesting nooseveltlan Joy, frowned, swot and left the room. "The next morning, when h again saw th new-born child, h showed amazement and perplexity. " 'Wut, nurse,' he atild, 'wher Is th other enr" St. Louis Republic. Borlal Pros res. "What la brlc-a-bracr "Junk that's got Into society," Boston Transcript ' February 21, 13UL St Kellom 1900 . Columbian ,1901 .Forest 1900 .Central 1894 Happy Shirt j And they went over to him. He was a jolly looking chap with merry' eyes and such a smile. But he waa rag ged and torn. 11 must be the Happy Man, they said. Then they asked him If he waa always as he seemed to be now. "Happy," he said, "aa happy as the day Is long. People call me Light Heart, and 1 go through life ainglng. Some times I have no roof but the sky, but no king has a bigger one. And I sing louder than ever when It Is cold and dark, because next to sunshine there's nothing as warm as a song. The couriers said: "Vou are tha man w are hunting for. AVe' want to buy your shirt." Then they told him about the unhappy king. The fellow looked at them. Then h began to laugh. He( laughed loud and long. "Lord blex you," he said, and threw open his doublet and showed his bar ekln. "I never had a shirt." The couriers began to laugh, too. They hurried to tha King. Oh, King, we have found th Happy Man, but he has no shirt and never had one. He wears a doublet." And then they told him all they knew about th Happy Man. The King listened. Then he aat silent for a long time. Then he began to laugh. He laughed long and loud, too. No on had ever heard him laugh be for and thy wera all amaxed. Then he aent for th wise man and embraced him. "I un derstand, wUo man. I think I hav found the Happy Khirt, for I have discovered that happiness lies within one' self and not In soma outside thing.' A Good Wiadap. BWrron ford was discussing th ethics of speechmaking. "it was a long and tedious ppeech, and 1 listened attentively. I Ilk . to have people llnten to my speeches, you' know, and turn about Is fair play. Well, I'm glad I did listen, because If I hadn't I'd missed one of the best wind-ups I ever heard. 'And now,' said th speaker Junt a we were all ready to drop off to sleep, 'as Ijidy Oodiva remarked when she waa re turning from her ride. I am drawing near my clothes.' " Philadelphia Record. TWICE AS BAH "She fell down stairs nd lit fccjf tongue In two." "I (ctl gurry tot her fcobarsl ?b w4 'Urrtir wfcej. th twlf w